IG vs. IRL: Why Does Success Look So Easy for Everyone Else?

From the outside, success can look polished, beautiful, and almost effortless. The thriving business. The strong family. The bold life decisions. The meaningful work. The opportunities people dream about. For business owners and visionary leaders, it can start to feel like everyone else has somehow figured out how to scale, lead, parent, travel, serve, and build a beautiful life without carrying the same weight.

But that is never the full story.

In this episode of Unlocked, Kristyn launches a new recurring series arc: IG vs. IRL. The purpose is not to tear down success or minimize the beautiful parts of a full life. It is to tell the truth about what success actually requires behind the scenes: the pressure, trade-offs, logistics, lonely moments, family conversations, leadership decisions, and emotional discipline that rarely make it into the highlight reel.

This conversation explores what it feels like to build a meaningful life while carrying real responsibility. Kristyn and Amanda Barkey discuss business ownership, family rhythms, travel, resilience, reframing “busy,” and the intentional systems that help leaders keep moving with clarity instead of chaos. Amanda brings a rare blend of honesty and practicality as she talks about building and scaling businesses, navigating a major life move, raising five children, applying EOS tools in her family life, and learning how to stay present in whatever season she is in.

For business owners, this episode speaks directly to the private question many leaders carry: Why does success seem so easy for everyone else, when mine feels so full, complicated, and heavy at times? The answer is not that you are behind. It may simply be that you are finally seeing the real version of leadership, growth, and life design.

This episode is an invitation to stop comparing your behind-the-scenes reality to someone else’s curated version of success. The truth is, simple does not always mean easy. Full does not always mean wrong. And the life you once prayed for may still require structure, resilience, faith, communication, and intentional choices to sustain it.

Links and Resources

Learn more about Amanda Barkey: AmandaBarkey.com
Amanda’s EOS Worldwide profile: Amanda Barkey, Certified EOS® Implementer
Connect with Amanda Barkey on LinkedIn

If this episode resonates, share it with a fellow leader who needs to hear it. And if you’re ready to unlock your capacity and lead from your zone of genius, book a conversation with Kristyn and the TCXO team.

🎧  👉 Subscribe to Unlocked with Kristyn Drennen on Spotify, Apple, or YouTube — and share this episode with a visionary leader who needs to hear it.

Learn more about TransformCXO: https://transformcxo.com

Connect with Kristyn Drennen on LinkedIn: Kristyn’s LinkedIn 

Follow Kristyn on Instagram: @kristyndrennencxo

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Unlocked, the podcast for leaders who choose less grind, more growth, and real freedom. Today we're kicking off a new ARC series, if you will, that you'll see periodically from us, and it's called IG versus IRL, which is Instagram versus in real life. And this one's personal for me because I know what it feels like when success looks beautiful from the outside, but behind the scenes, you are still being stretched, shaped, and challenged. And you look at the picture and you go, man, that looks pretty. But if everyone knew what it took to get there, what I sacrificed, the blood, sweat, tears, the sleepless nights, everything that it took for me to get that moment, boy, that would really change the story. So I love the reminder that God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called. And we're gonna talk to people who were called to something, whether they were ready for it or not. And our guests are gonna share what it really looks like to have the life and the experience that shows up in social media world. So let's get to it. Let's talk to our first guest. I hope you find something relatable here and something encouraging. So, you know, from the outside, a lot of successful lives all kind of look the same, right? We have thriving businesses, big decisions, beautiful families, opportunities most people only dream about. And if we're honest, it can look like everyone's just figuring it out somehow. And uh behind every one of those moments, though, there's a version of the story that no one else gets to hear. There's pressure, there's trade-offs, there's questions you're asking yourself that you didn't necessarily ever want to say out loud, right? So in this series, we're gonna go there. And not because we're trying to like tear anything down, but just to tell the truth about what it actually feels like to build a life that works. Because if you've ever looked around and wondered, like, why does it feel harder for you than it seems for everyone else? Well, you're not the only one. So today I'm joined by Amanda Barkey. And from the outside, Amanda's life looks like this gorgeous dream. She's built and scaled multiple businesses. Um, she is in the middle of selling those businesses. She's raised five kids, and she and her family recently made the bold move to shift their life to Hawaii. So she's also a certified EOS implementer. She's working with leadership teams to help them grow and run better businesses. But what makes Amanda the perfect person for this conversation is not just what she's built and how amazing it is she is. It's how willing she is to talk about what it's actually felt like along the way. And today we're gonna get into the parts that maybe don't necessarily make the highlight real. And we're gonna unpack a very simple but real question: why does everyone else's life look so easy? And what's really going on behind the scenes? So, Amanda Barkey, welcome. We're so excited to have you here today. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

It's a it's really a pleasure to be here. I'm really excited for this conversation.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Yeah, me too. And you know, you and I connected, gosh, probably about a month ago on some of this. And we realized we have so much to talk about. There is so much that goes on behind the scenes. Like nobody knows how the sausage is made in our lives. And there is some real like richness and learning that I think we can share with people. So um, are you ready to get into it and talk about? All right. Sounds good. So, okay, like I said, from the outside, looking in. Wow, your life just looks awesome, incredible right now. All the accomplishments, you know, moving your your family and even your business to Hawaii, doing it with five kids under one roof. Like, what does it actually feel like for you right now in this season? Whew. We're jumping right in.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

It feels like a lot, right? Like, so, you know, it's interesting. I'm like you said, like, I'm a coach, I'm a business coach. And so I teach people how to create structure and systems and processes in their businesses, and all of that translates to life. And and we do, you know, I use those tools, the same tools that I teach in my for-profit business, in my nonprofit, in my family. And so there are tools, I've used tools to help me to achieve the things that I want to achieve. But that simplifies things, and simple doesn't always mean easy, right? Like, so I think that sometimes I make it look easy, and from the outside looking in, maybe it looks one way, but inside it feels a whole different way, right? Like, so yeah, I think simple isn't easy, and it's it's definitely not easy. You know, it feels like a lot, it feels very full, it feels busy. I have things in place to help with all of that, right? But uh it's still it feels like a lot.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

Yeah, you know, it's funny. I was literally on the phone with a friend of mine, also a business owner, just like an hour ago. And we haven't talked in a while. And I go, Well, I know we're both busy, so tell me what busy looks like for you right now, right? What's your busy that's going on in your life? And she laughed, and it's so true, right? Because the default when anyone asks you, oh, what's going on? Like, what have you been up to? Oh, things are just busy. Right.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

And you know, and I try, I think like that's I try to kind of like reframe that in my own life. I think like I I don't wanna, I don't ever want to put myself in like a victim mentality or victim mindset, right? I remember when I was a young mom, like I had four kids in five years. Uh, when our youngest was four, we adopted our oldest. And so he was 11 when we adopted him. He's actually today's his birthday. He's 19 today. It was just that was a really interesting time in my life, right? Like having um seven kids, five kids, excuse me, in a seven-year age span. And uh, youngest being four, oldest being 11, and um, I was homeschooling, and you know, like we'd pile into the van and pile, all we would all just kind of like roll out, and it was almost like one of those clown cars, right? Like where it's like they just keep coming and coming, yep. Um, but I'd go places and I'd get looks, and people would be like, Oh my gosh, like your hands are full. And I started getting so sick and tired of hearing that because like I loved it. I was like, I was thriving. I was, I was loving every moment. Yeah, it was hard and it was busy, but life felt so full in like the best possible way. Um, and I I think like it does today too. My life looks very different. But I remember in those days, like people would be like, Oh, your hands are sure full. Like they would say it in that way, right? And I would, I'd get so sick of it, I would just look at them and be like, full of blessings. Yeah. And I would just like pause that pregnant pause, right? Like, because I didn't see it that way. Like, sure, I had my moment, it gets overwhelming. Life gets overwhelming, and life is busy for everyone. But like for me, I've really tried to reframe it. And instead of like when I some, I'll get on the on similar phone calls, right? With girlfriends or with colleagues, and um, you know, everybody's busy. And so, you know, I'll try to reframe it and say, like, what's going on? Like, what's exciting? What's new? What's like, you know, and and if people start getting into like that busy like victim mindset, I'm like, wow, like life sure sounds full. What, you know, like so many great opportunities or and it's not like I'm not trying to project any sort of like toxic positivity, but I think reframing is just a really good like thing to do, right? Like it's like perception versus reality, right? Kind of giving yourself like a little bit of a reality check.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

Well, some of it is also there's leadership in that. Yes. You get to choose, everyone gets to choose, right? Everything, everything in life is is hard. Choose your hard, right? And I think the reframing is a tool that we have to choose to step into because it's so easy societally to get pulled into the negative, you know, or just you know, a lot of for many, many years, women had to just paste a smile on their faces and you know, cope through really difficult circumstances. So the reframing is like the first step toward the healthy coping and the healthy dealing with, you know, your circumstances. I think sometimes too, it's you know, it's funny. I'm listening to you talk about being out there with five kids. So we used to get a version of that. Like we'd go out in public, and you know, I went from having two kids to five kids with a blended family. And so similar situation in some ways where you're, you know, walking around the store and you got all these kids in tow, and people are like, whoa. Um, and I used to joke, I'd be like, Yeah, um, I have five kids. They didn't all come out of my body, but I love them all the same. And yes, it's a lot. And I mean, we had five kids in four different schools at one point. Oh my gosh. And I told my husband, I'm like, I better really like my car because I am gonna be spending a ton of time in it. And of course, like they didn't all have bus service, so like I'm driving kids all over the place. Drop offs and pickups are gnarly. Yeah, your whole day revolves around that. Absolutely. So, um, but I love the reframing of it. And now, hindsight being 2020, I look back on those times and when Randy and I first got together, you know, five kids, kids ages four to 14 in all these different schools and all these different sports. I look back, I'm like, huh, how did I get through that? But I also do vaguely remember, it's kind of like childbirth. I vaguely remember, he's like, Do you remember when you'd call me from work or like when I was at work and you'd call me in the middle of the afternoon from our closet and you were like crying? And I'm like, yeah, I was outnumbered so terribly. And your kids were out of control and I didn't know how to discipline them like at all. So um yeah, but the reframing of it now, like, holy cow, the way that that was just a masterclass in getting through difficult circumstances. And I get to choose to look back on that with like love and gratitude and counting it all as joy.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

Yeah. Yeah. And it's, you know, it's just biblical, like there's a for everything, there's a season, right? And it's like thank goodness.

unknown 10:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 10:25

I think that like you start that starts to click and you really start to understand that the older you get, right? Like, so when you're in like your 20s and 30s, it's not that doesn't you don't have enough life behind you to like really get that. And so, like, you yeah, I remember like thinking it and saying it, but then like now, you know, like my kids are all teenagers, and so you know, it feels like just yesterday that I was living in the days with the handprints all over like the sliding glass door, and now I'm like, I miss it, like there's no handprints, right? And I remember them like driving me crazy, and I wish I could go back and like shake myself and be like, you're going to miss this, right? Like, rip you savor this time, like real, like relish it, be in it. And I think like that's something that only comes with time and with age, right? Like, and so I try to remind myself of that now. Like, yeah, like I'm splitting my time between Southern California and Hawaii, and I'm, you know, running three businesses and a nonprofit, and I have five teenagers. And so, you know, like life is full, it's busy. I'm not gonna lie. And some days it just feels like a lot. Um, but I think like really reminding myself, like, hey, look, remember when you were in that season of life and that felt like a lot, and now you miss those things, like you're gonna look back, and that that's gonna be this season of life, right? Like, and I'm living in a life that I once dreamed of, and I'm I'm doing things that I like. I I have opportunities that I used to pray for, and now I'm like, I'm doing them, I'm living them. And so it's like, you know, I think just really for me, reflection is so important. Like, I I take time daily, weekly, monthly. Like, I take um, you know, I have quiet time baked into my day. I take clarity breaks intentionally, like, because looking back and reflecting is so important so that you can really like have that mindset so that you can like that you can hold on to that and you can develop that mindset, you know.

SPEAKER_01 12:33

I do, I do. And and finding the joy in everything and every day, even if it's small stuff. It's so easy just to get wrapped up in, you know, the routine and the the nonstop of everything. I love that you brought up clarity breaks, and we'll we'll definitely kind of come back to that because I think that's an EOS tool that is so largely underutilized in so many ways. It's a great concept, and and so many people are like, okay, so I put this time on my calendar and then what do I do? So definitely want to come back to that and maybe we can run through that at the end, some of like your tips for the clarity break. So let's go into a little bit of from the outside looking in. If you were to post like the Instagram version of the current season that you're in right now, what would that look like? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:23

Well, like it's really easy for me to come up with a really beautiful Instagram post, right? I split my time between Southern California and Hawaii. So like I just walk outside my front door and it like beauty is all around me. It's like really, it's Instagrammable, right? So there's Instagram versus reality, and it's interesting what we decide to put out there and like what you know, it's really only like even the the stuff like whether you're like super active on social media or not, really, and or like just even what we are what we decide to share and how we like put project ourselves, our our image into the world or whatever. It's like it's such a small part of who we are. And like if you, you know, even like influencers who do this full time and they put like everything out there, it's it's like maybe I don't know if like I tell everything. Yeah, those daily bloggers, they're vlogging like eight minutes of their day. There's just simply no way to put everything out there, right? So yeah, I feel like you know, it's complicated. Like if you look if you behind the scenes, like there are a lot of moving parts. I think that's what it looks like.

SPEAKER_01 14:31

Like, what do people see from the outside right now?

SPEAKER_00 14:33

So you mentioned from the outside, they see me bouncing between these two beautiful locations. I have five thriving, healthy kids. I have a husband who loves and adores me. I have a thriving, successful, um, growing practice, my coaching practice, businesses, a nonprofit where we're impacting lots of people in Africa. Like, yeah, they're seeing all that stuff. I put I put everything out there too. Like I is, you know, when I'm everything, right? Like I put what I can out there. Um, it's just you we're just scratching the surface, but they see entrepreneurship and love and life and family and philanthropy and let's pivot to the reality, right?

SPEAKER_01 15:20

Of what really goes on for you. And I know you said you're an open book, so we're gonna test that a little bit here. So let's start with living between Hawaii and California. Sounds like an absolute dream. What's the part of that rhythm that's actually really exhausting or complicated for you?

SPEAKER_00 15:36

You don't just drive down the street to get to Hawaii. So for starters, yeah. Yeah. So I'm on a plane a lot, and that sounds glamorous, but it's not. I'm I've spent a lot of my time on a plane, and we can talk about that when we talk about clarity breaks because I definitely I think you can reclaim your time. And so, like you were talking earlier about like being in the car a lot, right? Like when you're um when you're commuting or you're in that stage of life when you're doing all those drop-offs and pickups, you know, you're spending a lot of time in the car, and and that's it's not glamorous, right? Um, so yeah, the travel. The travel, I think, is like that part of my life that maybe you'll see that's that little Instagrammable moment, like the sunset from the airplane window, but you also don't see like the early mornings and the late nights and the canceled flights and the sitting in airports and the you know, all this the wasted time and the the travel. It's just it's pretty grueling. And then also like even, you know, the I go and I work with leadership teams all over Southern California and Hawaii. And so, you know, whether I'm inter-island in Hawaii going to the Big Island or to Maui or um, or if I'm here in Southern California and I I'm up like north of LA or down in South County or in San Diego, like if I'm staying overnight in a hotel, like that also sounds glamorous, but it's not, you know. Anyone who's been a road warrior and done that type of stuff, it's like checking in, checking out, lugging your stuff, like eating from the hotel menu, like being in a hotel room by yourself. It's lonely, like that kind of stuff. It's just not like it's not the Instagrammable.

SPEAKER_01 17:21

No, we don't get the great hair by always having to use travel size hair products, by the way. Like that I that living out of a suitcase and like constantly living out of little travel size like things is just exhausting after a while. I'm like, dang it, I just want a full-size bottle of hairspray. Like, come on. So um yeah, I I totally get it. There is a level of just exhaustion that goes with that, and that's a price to pay for sure to like have this other side of the coin. Let's talk about how it affects, like, you know, just as a mom, as a wife. You know, what does it actually feel like to have to be, you know, spending so much time, you know, on the plane, bouncing around? And and also how do you navigate that with your kids? Because any season brings challenges. So even, you know, as teenagers, you think they're more autonomous, they can kind of they can survive on their own. They could potentially break a bill if they had to, or at least door dash something on their own. So, like their survival mechanism is pretty strong, but still, like you get the mom guilt, right?

SPEAKER_00 18:26

So, what does that look like for you? You know, and mom guilt for me, it's not I that's not really a problem. Like, I've never, and you know, like it's interesting. I was listening to a podcast yesterday, and um, there were two really notable EOS implementers on there, and they were talking about imposter syndrome, and I was like, huh, funny. Like, I didn't I imposter syndrome's not something I really deal with. Mom guilt's not something I really deal with. I'm just I don't know if it's the way I'm wired. But it sucks sometimes. Today's my son's birthday, and he's in Hawaii, and I'm in California, and I've never missed any of my kids' birthdays. He's 19, and so it's not, you know, like it's it's not like he's he's not nine. Yeah, exactly. There's I'm he does need mom to plan his birthday party, and you know, like it's a whole different thing. But it's still, it's like, you know, I really try to get to be there to design my life around all of the important events and um, you know, the birthdays and the graduations and all the things. I don't miss things, and so it just worked out this way, and I just simply I couldn't move things around and logistically make it work, and so I haven't figured out how to teleport myself yet. That's the next step. Yeah, and like so for us and our family, I think one way that we've navigated that is like we're really good at being like, um, you know, we're we don't have to celebrate on the day. Like we can celebrate a holiday anytime. Like, so you just have to build those traditions around what makes sense for you and your family. So, like one of our birthday traditions is we go around uh as a family and we tell the birthday person uh what we love and appreciate about them. And you don't have to do that on their birthday, on the actual day, right? So we'll do that this weekend when I'm back home in Hawaii. And so we like we figure that out. We like make, you know, your it's it's your life, it's your family. Like you create your normal or like your traditions and make it make sense for you. And so that's kind of how we've worked around stuff like that. That's a tradition we're committed to. So like we will make time for that. It might not be today, but we're gonna make time for that, like ASAP, right? Yeah, I mean, like with the kids, just helping them understand why I'm doing what I'm doing. Like last year I spent 140 days in California without them. The rest of the year I spent in Hawaii. And so for kids, like time is kind of a hard thing. It's tricky to kind of wrap their minds around. So I got one of those big calendars where you can see the whole year on the calendar, and I marked off all my travel days, like, and I know relatively like when I'm gonna be where. Um, my clients, I'm really fortunate, they book really far out in advance with me, and so I can kind of plot out like, okay, this week I'm gonna be in California, this week I'm gonna be traveling for a conference, these two weeks I'm gonna be in Hawaii. And so I'm able to show them, like, yeah, look, mom's traveling for work for this week, but then she's gonna be home for two full weeks, and we're gonna plan some really cool stuff. And like, you know, we kind of like we've uh created, you know, those um paper chains where they can like take a chain off every day, counting down to when I come home. Like we're we implement those things in so that we can all be on the same page with like where we are at and like, you know, and stay connected in that way. Um, so there are there are ways that you can like make it work, but it's still like at the end of the day, it's still it's hard. You just, you know, you have to you choose your hard, like you said, and then you have to like try to um make it make sense.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

So that's really good practice. Yeah, there's really good practical advice in there. I love what you're sharing. And the at the root of all of it is just really good communication. And you're also ushering your kids through not an easy or quote unquote normal like schedule. Right. That, you know, probably the majority of the kids that they go to school with, mom and dad are at home, you know, the majority of the time, every single night. Our family just looks a little different. And also fast and identify.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

Also, perspective, like we were talking about mindset and perspective, like that's what comes into play here too. Like we were talking with the kids about it the other day, and we were just, you know, we're very intentional about designing our life. I used that term earlier. Like my husband and I, we design our life at the beginning of the calendar year. We look ahead and we put everything, all of our priorities on the calendar for the whole year. And then we have a quarterly pulsing where we'll meet every 90 days and take a look at the next 90 days and just make sure that, yeah, everything is in sync and we're on the same page. And that's what works for us. And so, like, we're probably more intentional with that type of stuff than like a typical family would be because of the nature of the work that I do. Um, it just kind of spills over into my personal life. I'm like, oh, hey, this works for businesses. Like, let's do this in our family. Um, but also, like, you know, we it we do have to keep a perspective of like, look, yeah, some families have uh two parents who live at home and they clock in and they clock out nine to five and they're home every night for dinner. Some families have um, you know, families uh kids split time between two homes. Sometimes it's in the same city, sometimes it's in different states. Sometimes kids have parents who are in the military and they're gone. They're deployed for a long, long time, you know, at a time. And so it's really perspective. Like it's like, you know, could be better, could be worse. Like, you know, it's what what are you gonna do? This, like, let's let's make the best with what we have and try to like maintain that healthy perspective of like, you know, um, this is what things look like for us. How do we make it make sense for us? Like, it doesn't have to make sense for ever anybody else. But like, I think you're right, like it's all about keeping the circles connected, right?

SPEAKER_01 24:14

And it's teaching them what it looks like to be a resilient human. Yes. Because we could choose, again, going back to the reframing, we could choose to be victims of like, I'm so sorry, mommy has to travel again. Like, I have gotten away from the apologizing for what our life looks like. Yeah. And even when our relationship, you know, going back 12, 10, 12 years ago, now when Randy and I first got together, and we've never pandered to any victim mindset for our kids around being from divorced families. Right. Because what they have now is they have all these beautiful households that they get to go to, where they have stronger families and stronger family units and examples of stronger marriages to look to. And I don't know if they would have had that if you know I had stayed with my ex and Randy had stayed with his, like, we would not be providing the same experience to them. So there's a resilience that I think our kids have also developed because no, they didn't get like the quote unquote like stereotypical, you know, experience growing up. But I kind of love it for them because they're a little tougher than some of the average kids out there. And again, it's how we've positioned it with them and coach them through it. And again, it's so much of it just roots back to the communication, even what you're talking about with you and your husband doing like annual planning and quarterly planning. Like Randy and I do the same thing. And it's amazing how that your kids see that too. They're watching you as you're going through that. They know that mom does all this business stuff, but then now she also is like applying this with dad inside of our home. And um, I think we're just gonna raise really good humans because it's adversity. Right? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:00

And I'm no stranger to adversity. Like I'm I come from a long line of very resilient people. And so I think like that's not, it's never been scary to me. Like, I'm like, I'm I'm like, you know, have you ever heard of like the cows and the buffaloes, how buffaloes like go straight into the storm? Yeah, that's what I'm a buffalo. Like, I'm like, I'm gonna take it head on. Like I'm going straight into the storm. And so that's just natural for me. And I think maybe like I've I think I've always raised resilient kids and like look, life didn't look like it looks like today for me. Like, if you rewind 10 years ago, I was a stay-at-home homeschool mom. I was making the sourdough, like I was there, I was, you know, so I spent the first 10 years of their life, but I spent a decade in that role, right? And then we decided to change things up. And now my husband's the primary parent, and I'm going out there and I'm hustling and grinding, and it's my turn. And that's a really cool thing to like show your kids too. Like to say, look, now like your mom is a boss babe, and she's gonna go out there and she's gonna dominate, and we're gonna support her. And so, like, to have a partner who like not, I don't think a lot of spouses can do that. And I'm proud of us for being able to do that and to show our kids like that's a version of life that you can live. Like, you don't you can pivot. It's never too late, you're never too old. And we're gonna show you in real time, and we're going to show everyone, the world, and and and ourselves, like how this family can thrive in that, and we're gonna figure it out together. And like it, yeah, it's funny. Like, they I heard this saying, little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems. So, um, you said earlier you were talking about like how you know they're more uh maybe they don't like need you as much. They still need me, right? Like, so now when I go home and it's like I were, you know, it and one thing I've learned, I so I've been doing this now for a full year. Um, this, you know, go bouncing back and forth. And so I've learned a lot. And one thing I've really learned is like when I'm here, I'm here, and when I'm there, I'm there. Like I'm full wherever I am, I'm fully there. Like, and I think I used to not have to do that. And so I wasn't as my that skill wasn't as honed, and now it really is, which is really great because when I'm home and I'm with my teenagers, like we lay in my bed and like talk about, you know, life and all of the the things that they're going through, as you can imagine as teenagers, and like where they need they need me in a different way than they did when they were babies and when I was raising them in those like early childhood years. And so it's like I think that in a way we're in a perfect stage of life for what they need from me today. Like, they didn't need that from me back then when I was there and available 100% of the time. And now also like we're in the age of them having cell phones and stuff, and so we're communicating in a different way too. Like, so yeah, it's just it looks different, but it's like I think it's you know, I really believe in like in God's timing and like in a perfect time for, you know, like I said, there's a season for everything. And this is like I it's just figuring out how how you can manage what you need to manage in that season. Um, and I think that we're doing it. I I I feel like we're doing it well, or at least to the best of our abilities, but you know, nobody's perfect.

SPEAKER_01 29:27

No, and perfection certainly can't be the standard or else we're all gonna fail. But I love it.

SPEAKER_00 29:32

And you know, I think like also there's this thing like comparison's the thief of joy, right? And so you were talking earlier about like I I was waiting to hear you say like normal, like, but you didn't say it. But like I'll do it with air quotes. There is no such thing, right? So yeah, it's just like there's no normal, right? Like, and so I just think like comparing yourself, your situation, your lifestyle, your life, you know, whatever life looks like for you, um, that's just a really dangerous road to go down. And I think maybe that's when we get into that, like going all the way back to the beginning. Like, what is busy, right? Compared to who, compared to what, right?

SPEAKER_01 30:10

So I'm curious, and you kind of touched on it, you know, a lot of intentionality has to go into the approach to raising kids and being a family that you're talking about. What were those early days conversations like between you and Jobin when you were considering making some of these like massive moves? Like, what did what did that look like before you have now the hindsight, right? And the experience, the like social proof of oh, we can make this work. But what did that feel like originally?

SPEAKER_00 30:40

Well, the first word that comes to mind is quick. We have really quick conversations. We don't like, we really don't dwell on things. My husband's a 10 quick start. If anyone knows Colby, it's uh one of those assessments, and um 10 is the highest you can be. So ready, fire, aim. Yes, he's like, um, let's do it, like build the parachute on the way down. And so, you know, I've always like this is that's the roller coaster ride I've been on for the last 20 years. And so, like, I'm just used to living in that mode, I think, where it's like, you know, think we should do this? Yeah, let's do it. Okay. What do we need to do? What's the next step? Like, and we just like go, you know, we don't, we don't need to see the whole staircase to like take the next step, right? And we're so that's how we are, that's how we live our life. And so, like, when I think back, like those early day conversations, I don't even, I mean, we don't have like long drawn-out conversations about like, I don't know, what this is gonna look like or how to do this next thing. We're just kind of like, should we do it? Yep, good, okay, go do it. What's the next step? And we just kind of like take it as it comes. We're we're yes people, right? And so I don't know, rightly or wrongly, like that's how we tend to live.

SPEAKER_01 31:53

Well, that's a great point though, because in some relationships you've got a different dynamic where you've got someone maybe who's more of a quick who's a quick start and someone who's more of like super high fact finder. I need more information before we can move forward. That creates its own kind of tension, you know, to people who are both like needing the full picture ahead of time. They maybe are super slow to fire on those things, right? Far more methodical. So all of those different dynamics.

SPEAKER_00 32:20

I think if you can learn anything from me as an example, I'm not a high quick start, I'm a six, seven, three, four. So my quick start is three. So I think like if you can learn anything from me, it's that like you can go against your wiring. If like if, you know, I think it's about psychological safety and you know, and that all that all comes into play too. Like, I'm I really think like that's something that I've learned how to like I've learned how to trust my gut, and uh and my gut is the Holy Spirit. So like I've learned how to really listen to that still small voice inside of me, and like, and when something like I don't need to just because I'm a a three quick start, I don't, and I'm you know, I am a high fact higher fact finder, I don't like let that be a crutch.

SPEAKER_01 33:11

Does that make sense? Oh, for sure, yeah. So you've all you mentioned also the psychological safety of it, right? So to trust a high quick start with your life and those decisions, right? Like that does take a level of trust. And it sounds like the two of you do a lot of things and have built a lot of that trust equity into that bucket over time where so that when you get to this point a year or two ago, when you're thinking about making this move, it's easier, right? Because you have that that proof over time, like, oh, we when has it never not worked out? Yeah. Yeah. And isn't that interesting? The things to your point about we don't have like that life experience behind us that we can't, we have the evidence, right? So we have so much evidence in our lives up to this point that God has been good to us, that the Holy Spirit has put us on the right path, and and nothing's killed us yet, right? Like we've gotten through everything, not all easy things, but we've conquered things, you know, together, you know, through sometimes perseverance, hard work, determination, belief, faith, all of those things. So I love that. Yeah. And how long have you all been married for?

SPEAKER_00 34:23

We celebrated 20 years on August 20th.

SPEAKER_01 34:26

Oh, back here.

SPEAKER_00 34:27

So yeah, thanks. Incredible.

SPEAKER_01 34:29

I think this has been really a like a fun conversation. And I think the goal here, like I want people to be thinking about, you know, their life differently through the reframing that you talked about. And you mentioned leveraging some of that downtime and quiet time when you do get it. So let's circle back to that concept of a clarity break. So, you know, walk through at a high level like what is that and how do you leverage that airplane time? What do you think about and and clarify in your life during those moments?

SPEAKER_00 34:59

Yeah. So a clarity break, that term is an EOS term. So it's it's a really simple thing that I teach my clients. So I work with like executive leadership teams of entrepreneurial companies. And, you know, we're when I'm working with them, I'm working with them on the business. They're not their day to day, they're running like heck, they're working in the business, and we take time to work on the business. And I teach them that they need to do that throughout their quarter, not just when they meet with me, right? Like, so they need to take time where they zoom out. And so that's what it is. It's just like intentionally taking time. It looks different for everybody. Um, so you know, sim at its simplest form, it's like you leave your your electronics at home, like turn your phone off, leave it in the car, leave it at home, even better. Um, go like to a park with a legal pad and a pen and just sit and think and no distractions, just like just take time to think, like protect that space. And so um, it's like white space, right? Like, and so that's what I do. Um, and I've been doing a version of Clarity Breaks forever. Like, I, you know, whether it's like um quiet time in the morning for five minutes or 10 minutes or 30, um, even when I was a young mom, like carving out that time to protect just protecting time and that like giving yourself space to breathe and think and get connected to yourself, your heart, to God, right? Like, so for me, like now, because I do so much travel, my best clarity break time is when I'm in that metal tube with all, you know, hundreds of strangers you don't want to talk to. Yeah, who, yeah, my closest friends, um, aka strangers. I mean, I don't I haven't met a stranger that I don't like, so I I don't mind talking to my seat mate. But yeah, I like to take that time and I don't get the Wi-Fi on purpose most of the time. And I sit there and I I just think I'm like I I have an ADHD, probably not as bad as my husband, but I still do. And so I'm distracted by every shiny object, every squirrel. And so, you know, and as a woman, as a mom, and a wife, I'm like multitasking, and I've got all the to-do lists all running through my head all the time. And so that's my time to just like sit and think. And like I have no distractions, no one bothering me, nothing to take my attention away from just thinking. And so I'll just take a blank piece of paper and I just start like, you know, just let it all out of my head. Like, and so there's therapy.

SPEAKER_01 37:35

Kind of stuff. Tell us a little bit more about that because I think I've the some of the feedback I've heard from clients before is like left to my own devices, I don't know what they're to think about or talk about or write about or whatever. They almost are so unaccustomed to it, they don't even know where to begin. So, how do you begin? How do you like get your mindset right in that moment?

SPEAKER_00 37:54

Well, so I pray and I think about um my life, and I kind of take stock in my life. So I think about like spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally. Like I kind of take stock in those areas. I rate my those areas in my life, and I think about each of my kids, I think about touch points I've had with them. Um, you know, I think about my husband, I think about my my businesses. Sometimes I'll take out my business plan. Like we have a VTO, right? It's the vision traction organizer. Um, I'll take that document out, I'll pour over it. Sometimes I pour over my calendar, so I'll take a look back if I'm doing some reflection, like what happened over the last 90 days, what happened over the last month? Sometimes I'm like, what happened last week, right? Like, and really like pouring over it and really thinking about like the meetings I had and the interactions I had and asking myself questions, like really good quote coaching questions, like how what worked, what didn't, how could I show up better next time? Like that's that's the kind of that's where my head goes. And so um, yeah, it's all of that stuff. And then and then I just kind of like just follow whatever comes. Like sometimes I'm drawing, sometimes I'm I'm cre I'm drafting out a new business plan or like creating a new project, or I'm writing lists of things I need for different things that I'm doing. So yeah, whatever comes to me, I kind of just let that flow.

SPEAKER_01 39:23

Beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing that. I really appreciate even just thinking about my own clarity break experiences and hearing how you approach that and some of the things that you think about. Very powerful. Love it. Thank you. Amanda, this has been a really fun conversation. And I always love to leave our listeners with like that, that just that last little like extra bit, that extra 10%. So if there's someone who's listening today and they're thinking, like, oh yeah, like it feels harder for me than it seems to look for everyone else right now, then what's that last thing that you want to leave them with? Any knowledge or or encouragement that you would want to provide?

SPEAKER_00 40:03

Hmm. I think probably you're doing better than you think. So, like, you know, at the beginning of this um conversation, we talked about like Instagram versus reality. Really, comparison is really the thief of joy, you know. So behind all this like perfectly quaffed hair and like the, you know, the nails and the makeup and all, like we all just like we we, you know, we all are just trying to do our best. We're all just, you know, like none of us know what we're doing. We're all just trying to, we're all living in this human-lived experience for the first time together. And so um, you're doing better than you think. And so it's just yeah, just keep going and keep doing your best and keep showing up, you know, like if you you only lose if you quit.

SPEAKER_01 40:50

So beautiful. Well said. We're gonna leave things there. And Amanda, I'm so excited for us to continue the conversation um in future episodes to kind of bring this concept back periodically because there's so many things that we could go into in more detail, you know, what it's like to sell a business and grow a business and and um even go into more detail on what it's like to take kids through these different journeys while you're simultaneously trying to grow multiple businesses, start a nonprofit in Africa, all of the different things. So I'm excited to see where we go next, and thanks so much for being here today. Me too, thanks for having me. You've been listening to Unlocked with me, Kristen Drenan. If you're ready to go deeper in scaling your business or your leadership, head to transformcxo.com to explore how we can work together. You can also check out all of our show notes for resources and tips on how to get in touch with us.