28. Why You Feel Pressure to Figure It Out (The Power of Not Knowing)

Why do you feel so much pressure to figure out what’s next — especially when something in your life has just shifted?

In this episode, we explore the phase most people rush through: the in-between.

The moment after something no longer feels true… but before clarity arrives.

This is where the urgency to “figure it out” gets loud. Where your mind tries to regain control. Where you start searching for the next step, the next plan, the next version of yourself.

But what if that urgency isn’t clarity? What if it’s conditioning?

In this episode, we move into a different perspective — one that invites you to stop forcing answers and start allowing your life to reorganize around what’s actually true for you now.

You’ll learn:

• Why clarity often doesn’t come when you’re trying to find it 
• The difference between real knowing and the pressure to decide 
• What’s actually happening in the “not knowing” phase 
• Why rushing into decisions often recreates the same patterns 
• How to begin trusting yourself again — without needing a plan 

This isn’t about figuring out your next step. It’s about learning how to stop overriding what’s true — so your next step can reveal itself.

Companion Practice

If this episode landed, you can probably feel it— the pressure to know, decide, or move forward…even though nothing feels fully clear yet.

Stay With It is a short, body-based practice for that moment.

To soften urgency. To reconnect to what’s actually true. And to let clarity form—without forcing it.

→ Begin the practice

Designed for More is a Human Design podcast about living aligned, lit up, and free.

Let Me Support You

These are a few places people often begin...

• Some start by discovering their design for the first time → Generate Your Free Human Design Chart 
• Others move directly into living it → Explore the Embodied Orientations
• And some prefer a deeper, personal exploration → Book a Human Design Reading With Me

Whether you're just getting curious or ready to go all-in – start where you are, and follow what feels most alive.

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/justin-lee/wanderlust. License code: IW32DDNZ8FH40VWO

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to Designed for More, a podcast about what it means to live in alignment with who you really are. I'm Julie, former CEO Turned Human Design Guide and Soul-led Enpreneur. Here we explore the journey of remembering your true nature and creating a life that feels deeply good from the inside out. Because you were never meant to settle. You were designed for more. Hi everyone and welcome back to Design for More. This episode is one that I've been sitting with, or perhaps you could say sitting inside of for a little while. It's a perspective I want to invite you into, especially if you're in a moment in your life where something has shifted. And maybe for you that means that something ended, or just that something no longer feels the same. Maybe you've had a realization like the one we spoke about in the last episode, where you can feel something in your life is no longer fully true for you. And now you're here in the in-between. And if you are here, then you might also be feeling something else, like a kind of urgency or a pressure that feels like a pull to figure it out, to know what's next, to make a decision so that you can move forward. It can sound like, okay, so what do I do now? What's the right next step? Actually, what's my purpose? Ooh, which should I choose? How do I not get this wrong? And it can feel like this subtle but constant hum in your system, even if nothing externally is demanding it from you, even if no one is actually asking you for answers. Something inside of you, when you're in this in-between phase, usually is. And I want to start by saying that there's nothing wrong with you for feeling that, because most of us have been taught that there's safety and clarity, that knowing what's next is how we move forward, that decisions are what create momentum, and that certainty is what we're aiming for. So when something in your life opens up, or when something ends, or when something just no longer fits, then it makes sense that your system would immediately try to close that gap and reach for something new or define the next version of you in order to rebuild structure and feel safe as quickly as possible. But what I want to gently offer you today is that that urgency that you feel to figure it out might not actually be your doorway to clarity. It might be something else. It might be the part of you that's been taught that you're only safe when you have a plan. And if you've been following me for a while now, you know I don't say that in a way that's dismissive or bypassing. Because that part of you is intelligent, it's protective. It was developed because it learned something over time that kept you moving and achieving and creating a life that works. But in moments like this, when something has cracked you open and is pulling you away from a life that not only works, not a life that needs to be managed, but a life that is more, more alive, that you feel freer inside of, that you feel met by, well then that part of you can become very loud. It can start to rush you, push you, nudge you back into control because it knows what's familiar territory, and that familiar territory can feel like safety, even if it's not aligned. So if you find yourself reaching, reaching, reaching for answers before you've actually had a chance to feel what's real, then this is where I invite you to slow things down. Not in a pause everything and go inward kind of way that might not be possible in this moment, but just enough to notice what's actually happening inside of you. There's a difference between clarity and the need for clarity. And most people don't learn to distinguish between the two. Clarity, when it's real, feels steady and grounded. It doesn't rush you, it doesn't panic you into action or come with pressure. Whereas the need for clarity feels urgent and tight and like something you have to figure out now in order to relieve that pressure. And if you're honest, I know that you can feel the difference. Perhaps even right now as you're listening. If you bring your attention to whatever it is in your life that feels unclear, and you notice the sensation in your body when you think about needing to know, does that feel open? Or does it feel tight? Does it feel like a grounded knowing? Or does it feel like pressure? Because that pressure is not your clarity. That's your nervous system trying to restore certainty in order to relieve pressure. And again, there's nothing wrong with that, but it's important to see it because if you don't, then you'll follow it. And when you follow the urgency to relieve pressure, then you often end up making decisions from a place that is trying to close the discomfort and not a place that is actually aligned for you. That is when you move forward, yes, but not from truth. It's when you rebuild, but not from what's actually real. You create something new that feels a lot like what you just left. And yeah, maybe it looks different on the surface. It's a different company, a different title, a different relationship, a new city, maybe new country, a different direction. But underneath, it carries the same energy because it was created from the same place, from urgency, from pressure, from the need to feel safe again. And I see this so often. And if I'm really honest with you, I have experienced it so often, especially because I have the gate of extremes and emotional authority that I wasn't aware of for a long time. So I made some pretty spontaneous decisions in my life. And I actually also see it, especially with women who are deeply self-aware, who actually are doing the work, who are listening to their bodies, and men, of course, I'm looking at you two. They'll all have a moment of truth, and it's a real one. But instead of letting that truth open more space, they immediately try to fill it, like with the next plan, the next identity, the next version of themselves. And what often gets skipped is the most important part. It's the part where nothing is clear, the part where things feel open and undefined and unstructured. And that part, yeah, can feel like you're floating a little, but it's not a problem. It's uncomfortable, but it's actually the phase where everything begins to reorganize. And that's because you're not figuring it out. You're allowing something deeper to come forward. And it's where something really important starts to shift. There's something that happens in that phase that can feel very disorienting. When the structure of your life shifts, it's not just circumstances that change, it's your identity. It's the version of you who knew what she or he was doing, who had direction, who had a role, who had a rhythm, who had a place in the world. And when that starts to dissolve, even if it's subtle and even if it's internal, there can be this quiet sense of who am I now? And most of us are not very comfortable being inside of that question without rushing to answer it. We've been conditioned to define ourselves, to choose and decide and to move forward. So when we don't know, it can feel like something is wrong, like we're behind, or maybe wasting time and like we should absolutely be doing something about it. And that's where urgency and pressure comes in because you're not used to being here in that not knowing. But that phase, my friends, is not a gap. It's not empty or wasted or something to get through as quickly as possible. This is the phase when your life begins to reorganize around what's actually true for you now. It's the phase where you stop holding the structure of your life together and start letting it reorganize around what's actually true for you. And in the moment that doesn't feel like progress, it can often feel like nothing is happening or that you're drifting, like you've lost momentum, but something the most real is happening. When you stop forcing clarity or trying to define what's next, when you stop holding everything that was in place, then you create space. And that space is where truth begins to surface. And it doesn't have to come as a big answer or a super clear direction. It can be very subtle and powerful. It can show up like a feeling, a pull, a lightness, a small moment of aliveness, and in those moments things begin to change because you've stopped overriding what's real. When you can increase your capacity to sit in the discomfort of the not knowing, so that you can notice what you feel drawn toward, what feels slightly more open, or feels like even a 2% shift, that is more than enough to reorient you to something juicier and more alive and more aligned and on a path of least resistance in a way that your mind just simply cannot materialize when moving in order to relieve pressure. And I know it doesn't always feel like enough. It doesn't feel like, okay, this is my next step. Instead, it feels like, I think I want to go for a walk. I feel like calling this person, I don't feel like doing this thing anymore. And so the mind dismisses that because it's looking for something bigger. But your body works differently. It doesn't give you the whole picture, it just gives you the next truth, the next movement. And this is where people often get tripped up because when you're waiting for clarity, then you're often not really waiting. You're watching. You're watching yourself and your life and your thoughts, trying to catch the moment when something becomes clear or clicks. And underneath, there could be this feeling of I should know by now, or why don't I know yet? When will I know? Please, I just want clarity. And I want to bring so much compassion to that feeling because I know it well. And I know that underneath those questions lies pressure, an assumption that there is something to know, and you're just not getting it. And so that assumption alone can keep you stuck because it keeps you looking for something that doesn't exist yet. And clarity in this phase is not something that's hidden from you, it's something that's still forming, and there's a big difference because when something's hidden, you go searching for it, right? But what about if something is forming and you can just wait? Most of us have a really hard time just waiting because it's deeply uncomfortable. It feels passive, like nothing is happening, like you're falling behind. But what if waiting wasn't passive at all? What if it's actually one of the most active things you can do? What if you're not actually waiting at all? What if you're allowing something to become clear and it's just not ready to be seen yet? And I want to say that maybe in a way that you can feel. There is a version of you that is already forming, and it's not in your mind, it's in your body, in your energy, your preferences, it's in what feels like a yes now and what doesn't. And that version of you is not the same as the one who made your previous decisions. And that's where things get really interesting because if you try to make your next decision from your current mind, you'll often reference your past self. You'll ask yourself what made sense before, what worked before, what should I be doing? And all of those questions come from who you were, not who you're becoming. So the more you try to force clarity, then the more you anchor yourself in the past. Whereas the more you wait in this very intentional way, then the more space you give for something new to emerge. And that emergence can look like you suddenly don't feel like doing something you used to do anymore, or maybe you feel drawn to something you wouldn't have considered before. You start noticing what drains you faster, or you become more sensitive to what feels off. You feel a pull toward things that feel lighter, even if they don't make sense yet. And all of that is information, not the kind of information that comes from your mind. It's information for your divine direction, but only if you're willing to trust it. And that's where waiting becomes a practice because your mind will keep interrupting. It'll say things like, This isn't enough, this isn't clarity, that's not a plan. And yeah, to some extent, it's right. It's not a plan. It's better than a plan. It's truth. And truth in this phase comes in pieces, not full pictures. So the more you demand the full picture, then the more you override the pieces. And the pieces are what build the picture. So why don't we begin to actually practice looking at the pieces now? I invite you into something just for a moment, and you don't have to close your eyes, especially if that could uh interfere with your safety if you're driving or walking. But you can soften your attention. And just notice from your body what in your life right now feels like it has less energy. Not necessarily that it's wrong, just less less alive, less engaging, less true. And notice if your mind is trying to jump in at all to explain something, justify it, maybe try to fix problem solve. And just let that be. Not because you planned it, but because you allowed it. And that's why this phase matters so much, because if you can learn to be here and listen here and trust here, then you don't need to chase clarity. It will come to you, and not as something you figure out, but as something you recognize, and that recognition feels very different than figuring something else. It feels like, oh, which is in my opinion, juicier than I think this is right. It's more like this feels right, and that doesn't have urgency embedded into it. There's no pressure underlining that, it's just knowing. And we know that knowing can't be forced, right? It can only be allowed. And that's what you're invited to do here. You're not behind, you're allowing. And for me, I find that so empowering. That perspective changes everything about this phase. When you're inside of that perspective, things just start to shift. You might feel movement again, not big movement, decisions, and all of that, but just small, honest shifts. It's the movement of noticing what you no longer have the energy for and just allowing that to be true. It's the movement of feeling drawn towards something small and not dismissing it just because it's small. It's letting your day shift slightly based on what feels real in the moment rather than doing what you think you should do. And that movement isn't external, it's internal. It's the moment when you stop overriding yourself. That's the first movement. And from the outside, that doesn't look like anything, but from the inside, everything begins to shift. When you stop overriding yourself, then you start hearing yourself again. And for many people, that alone feels unfamiliar. Because when that happens, then you might realize that you don't actually know what you want anymore. And that feels scary. But it's not that you don't know, it's that you haven't been listening. Or maybe more accurately, you haven't been trusting what you hear. So when you start to listen again, it doesn't come in clear sentences, it comes in sensations and preferences and subtle yeses, subtle no's. And those can feel easy to ignore because they don't feel very important, but they are. They are what change everything. Those small signals are what rebuilds your relationship with yourself and your energy. And without that relationship, without trusting yourself, then no amount of clarity will actually ever feel stable and safe. You can have the perfect plan and feel totally disconnected from it. So this phase is not about finding the right answer, it's about rebuilding the relationship that will allow the right answers to land. And that relationship is built in very small moments. It's noticing I don't feel like doing that right now and letting that be okay. It's noticing I feel a little more alive when I'm here, and then allowing yourself to stay there a little longer, or noticing that something feels heavy and not forcing yourself through it. And I know that all of this sounds very subtle, but it's where your life actually begins to change in a direction. That is aligned for you. It's not in the big decisions, but in the way you start relating to yourself. Once you trust yourself in the small things, then you will trust yourself in the big things. And then when clarity comes, you won't question it. You won't overthink it. You won't try to validate it. You'll just recognize it and then trust it. And that recognition is quiet. It won't rush you or try to convince you or argue with you. It'll just feel true. A kind of true that doesn't need pressure or urgency. So if you're in this space where things feel open and unclear and unstructured, then I invite you into considering that maybe you don't need to make a big move now. Maybe you don't need to decide your next chapter or define your purpose now. What if you can simply start listening and then trusting what you hear? And trust that that is movement and that that movement will lead you somewhere real and true, and that who you will become in that process is perhaps even more important than the clarity that will arrive from it. Because who you will become is someone that trusts your body, trusts your energy, trusts that something inside of you knows, even if it can't explain itself, that your clarity, your safety is self-sourced. The gift of that is worth all the discomfort in the not knowing, in the pressure of the lack of clarity. It's what makes skipping this phase just to relieve pressure become so costly. Because when you rush to clarity, when you force a decision or define what's next too quickly, then you not only recreate the same structure that you just outgrew and maybe rebuild something that just looks different but feels the same because it was built from the same place, from the need to feel certain, from the need to move forward, from this comfort of not knowing. But you also deny yourself the opportunity to rebuild the trust in your own knowing, in your own energy, in your own nature, in your own body, in life, in source, to reorganize your life around what's true for you. And I want you to feel this because it's subtle. You don't move forward when you rush clarity. You recreate the past just in a new form, and you take yourself with yourself. And that's why so many people find themselves in these cycles, different jobs, different relationships, different paths, but the same feeling underneath it all, because that movement, those decisions weren't coming from truth, they were coming from urgency. I invite you to take a breath here for a moment, breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth. And that you're not behind and you won't fall behind, you won't miss what's meant for you. You're simply in the part that actually matters, the part that most people rush past, the part where nothing looks clear, but everything is becoming true. And I know that that does not feel good. Other than being scared because we don't know, there's also a loss in it. There's grief in it because there's a loss of certainty, a loss of identity, a loss of direction, and that can feel like you're untethered. But what if you're not untethered? What if you're just no longer attached to something that isn't true for you anymore? There's a big difference in how we relate to this phase. Because being untethered feels like you're floating without support, but being unattached means you've released something that was holding you in place, a place that you don't want to be anymore. And even if letting go and releasing that place feels uncomfortable and unfamiliar, it's also what allows something new to emerge. Not as something you force, but something that actually fits, something that is aligned with who you can become now, not who you were before. So instead of asking yourself, what should I do next? Maybe you can begin with something softer, like what feels true right now? Not for your whole life or for the next year, just right now. And maybe the answer will be, I don't know, and that's okay. Maybe the truth is simply I just know that I don't want that anymore, and that's enough. Or maybe the truth is I feel a small pull toward this thing, and that's where you start. Clarity is not something that you arrive at all at once, it's something that reveals itself as you stop overriding what's real. And that's exactly why I created the embodied orientations. Not to give you your clarity, but to give you a way to stay connected to and aligned with and begin to trust your natural energy while your clarity is forming, while you are in this phase, so that instead of defaulting back into figuring things out, you can start to build trust in what you feel. And from that place, your life begins to reorganize naturally in ways that your mind could never figure out. They're in the show notes if you feel that pull. And if you don't, that's okay too. But if something in you is saying, I need support staying here, then that's exactly what they're for. And if nothing else, I invite you to simply remember this. You don't need to hold the structure of your life together right now. You just need to stop holding what isn't true anymore and let life reorganize around that truth. Thanks for being here with me. And if you know anyone else who is in this in-between phase and perhaps could be supported by this episode, I invite you to please share it. Until next time. And remember, your clarity is sacred and your joy is a signal. You are designed for more.