Episode 30: Appreciation for Dads — Why Chasing It Is the Wrong Goal

Episode 30: Appreciation for Dads — Why Chasing It Is the Wrong Goal

Why do so many fathers feel unappreciated and why might chasing appreciation actually make fatherhood harder?

In this episode of The Dad Edit, we dive into one of the most common but rarely discussed struggles in fatherhood: the feeling of not being seen, thanked, or acknowledged for everything dads carry. 

After asking a simple question online “What’s one hard thing about fatherhood that no one warned you about?” the overwhelming response from dads was clear: a lack of appreciation.

But what if the real issue isn’t appreciation itself… but our expectation of it?

We explore the idea that when appreciation becomes the goal of fatherhood, resentment can quietly take its place. Fatherhood isn’t about applause or recognition — it’s about responsibility, love, and the long-term investment we make in our families.

In this conversation, we talk about:

• Why many dads feel unseen or underappreciated
• The hidden ways appreciation actually shows up in family life
• How misplaced validation can lead to resentment
• Why external validation is a dangerous metric for fatherhood
• The importance of communication with your partner and kids
• How appreciation often appears through actions, not words
• Why fatherhood is a long game with delayed rewards
• How to avoid bitterness and model strength for your family

We also discuss the reality that children aren’t responsible for validating your sacrifices, and that true fulfillment in fatherhood often comes from the stability, safety, and values you build in your home over time.

If you’ve ever felt unappreciated as a dad, this episode will challenge your perspective and hopefully give you a healthier way to think about purpose, responsibility, and recognition in fatherhood.

Because the truth is: You don’t need applause to be doing something meaningful.

Fatherhood expectations, appreciation for dads, feeling unappreciated as a father, parenting mindset, communication in marriage, emotional intelligence for dads, raising kids, family leadership, self-reflection for fathers, modern fatherhood.

If this episode helped you think more clearly about fatherhood, consider following the podcast and leaving a review. It helps us reach more dads navigating the same journey.

Instagram: @thedadeditpodcast

Remember:

We is all we got. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hey man, before we jump in, if this podcast has ever helped you think more clearly, respond more calmly, or feel less alone in the quiet parts of fatherhood, hit that follow. Leave a comment, leave a review. These things are all free things that you can do that have low effort and high return for us. The more comments, the more likes, the more follows that we have, the more it pushes it out to our audience. I truly believe that we have a great message and we will connect with the right people. We just have to find our audience. Doing these things helps us achieve that. If you're watching on YouTube, like, comment, and subscribe. All right, let's go. Hell yeah. Uh uh about fatherhood, and it's helped me grow so much. I'm so excited. We ask a simple question. Or sorry, we asked a simple question. I went onto threads and I said, What's one hard thing about fatherhood that no one's warned you about? Weirdly enough, the most common answer I found was a lack of appreciation, not being thanked, not being noticed, not being acknowledged for how much you carry. That feeling is real. But here's my stance: if appreciation becomes the goal of fatherhood, resentment becomes the outcome. We're trying to say something and be strong, and your children owe you a thank you. Let me lay it out. Your kids owe you nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Your partner owes you nothing. You're doing a job as a parent. Parenthood is not for performance or applause, it's your responsibility. You accepted this. This episode's not about dismissing the feeling of not feeling appreciated, it's about correcting that expectation. It doesn't quietly turn into bitterness. You need to address this immediately. But I don't think that it's a neutral feeling. Because it's not something that I actively have felt. Um, or at least it's not something that I've actively uh carried. You know, I feel appreciated through my partner. I feel like she thanks me. I feel like she provides to me. I feel like I provide to her. But I also know that, like we said in the intro here, I'm not owed a fucking thing just because I'm a dad. Yeah, man. It's the life we choose. Period. It's a labor of love, right? 100%, man. It is a thankless fucking job. And you know, I do have uh a bit of a hard stance on like if you want to be thanked, do you thank your parents? Do you thank your partner? Did you say to Mum, yo, thanks for doing everything? Thank you for sacrificing, thanks for pawning your earrings so that we could fucking eat. Eats these are active things. I have sacrifice tattooed across my back as a thank you to my parent. Uh, do you do that? So, what thank you are you owed? It's a harsh uh uh approach, yeah, and a lot of fathers did reach out actively to say, I feel underappreciated, but why? You know, um I think effort without acknowledgement can stay.

SPEAKER_01 4:12

And what type of acknowledgement are you looking for, man? That's what I mean. Are you looking for vocal? Are you staying conscious and seeing this the little signals, little signs that you should be tuning into for your appreciation? You know what I'm saying? Let me tell you this, man. Like I get it, and I don't get it. It's a double-edged sword right there. Locked in. Yeah? Locked in. We choose to lock in so we can provide for our families the best that we see fit. We try to give them the world as much as we can, we sacrifice. Do I get the thank you? Do I get that you're awesome, dad? Often, nope. But you know what I do get? You mentioned it at the end of our last episode. I get the silence in the house of comfort that they can be who they want to be. I get the the excitement of having a friend over and them introducing their brand new friend to me because I'm the cool fucking dad. That's my appreciation. I get the come home after a long fucking 12 hour shift to we were just chatting it up out there about coming home to a clean home. That smells lovely. Laughter, a meal cooked, even though she had an eight-hour shift, you know, these small little things that I was able to tune into and I was aware of that I knew that that was their way of showing me, yo, we couldn't we couldn't be here without you. You know, we appreciate everything you're doing. My wife was very vocal. My kids were very vocal to shower me with that support, that understanding. But to the guy that doesn't come home to the everyday, you know, thank you, you're doing awesome, keep going, we see you. Understand this. Tune into those little things that are not verbalized, that are not communicated, but just do actions. You know what I'm saying? You really have to tune into stuff like that. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, man, you have to adjust your your way of thinking a little bit and just appreciate the small things.

SPEAKER_00 6:39

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Smell the flowers, right? Like you may be being appreciated without you being without noticing that appreciation. Like he if you're looking for a straight one-to-one thank you for this, this, and this, you might be getting it in a different way. Like Brian was saying, it's it it's the it's the house that smells nice when you get home. It's like I'm putting in the effort to make it a nice place for you to come home to kind of thing. Maybe that's what what I'm getting at is this. So why so it's like work too.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

Like, I know that guy that I can go to. I I try to make a conscious, conscious action of showing my appreciation to my employees, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm the guy at the end of the shift at the time clock while everyone's punching out, I'm giving a fist, a fist pump, handshake, whatever it is, thanking them for their efforts for the day, you know what I'm saying? But sometimes I don't have to focalize, I'll have that go-to guide. Yeah, that I just know yo, when shit's popping off, I can go to him, hey, such as such, handle this for me. You know what I'm saying? And with that type of um understanding and responsibility I'm putting on that person, that shows them that I fucking appreciate what they could do and what they could bring to the table for this company or for what the main goal is. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 8:02

It's we were talking outside. It's not that when I come through the door, my girls standing out the door said, Thank you so much for going to work and providing for us. Thank you for doing everything that you do. No, like I come home to a quiet, clean, nice house. I come home to my kids smiling. My my one-year-old crawling up to the door, da da da like excited. He's not dirty, he's not in a shitty diaper, he's not in messy clothes, he's fed, he's those are fucking thank yous. That is showing appreciation that she has the the opportunity to the the the wasn't more than the word, she she can do what she needs to do. Yeah, so today she doesn't have to worry about where's money coming from, do we have food on the table? Is are the lights gonna get turned off? She has the opportunity to just do what she needs to do at home, and and that's appreciation to me. You can't long for this thank you. Um, we have to get away from that, and that's something that you know when we reached out on threads, that's just thank you for things. Yeah, we always take it. You know, I mean that's great. It's a conscious all the time. Um but she doesn't have to. I don't go and do the dishes so that she can say thank you for cleaning up, right? Thanks for cleaning the kitchen, thanks for taking out the garbage. I don't need any of that. The fact that she can just relax on the couch, and when I sit down with her, she holds my hand. That's a thank you to me.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

Another thing though, too, right? Like, um going to work is one thing. That's kind of something we we gotta do. It just we gotta pay the bells, keep the lights on. But what about those little things? Like the the dishes. Did you take the dishes that say thank you?

SPEAKER_01 9:48

Your wife, and be like, babes, you know, I I see I I'm I'm appreciative of what I have, the blessings in front of me, but I feel unappreciated. Keep me going, I just need to hear it from you, mom, like every now and then. Yo, just beat that out. Sit down, have that conversation. You still have to put in that work with having that conversation so she can understand how to love you and how to make you feel appreciated. Yo, we're all human beings, we're all going through something. We are all sometimes locked in the same way you're locked in, trying to provide for this family, the same way your wife may be locked in with trying to provide for you, be submissive, be the, you know, the the queen of the home. She's locked in, so she might get lost in what she's focused on, and she just needs you to sit down and be like, babes, let's let's have this conversation and just make sure that we understand how to show how we appreciate each other. If it's random gifts, after I hear you, you want that random plan every now and then, you want that that church code every now and then just out of nowhere, even though it's not Valentine's Day or Christmas or your birthday or an anniversary or whatever the hell, right? If it's touch, you're cooking, I slide by and touch you. But if I don't know, if you don't communicate, your significant other won't know. Your kids won't know. Have that conversation with your kids. Yeah, they're kids, but yo, have that real conversation so shit. They can understand when the time comes when they're in your spot, son or daughter, they're they they they know that one of the tools is to communicate. Ooh, this is how you have to deal with me to make me feel appreciated so I could keep on doing what I gotta do for you. Communicate.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

And that conversation can and needs to happen on a regular basis, too. Hell yeah, bro. If you have that conversation in October, and then you go through a deep, dark, long winter, and you're all just tunneling through that that season, just grinding, grinding, grinding, and you forget at the end of it, like it's good to touch base again.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

Be intentional with your actions, carve that's that time out monthly, weekly, bi-weekly. It might feel uncomfortable as like as for myself as a man, it's uncomfortable. I'm not when it comes to like real shit, I get a little uncomfortable when it comes to those conversations. But just like anything else in life, you gotta feel uncomfortable. You gotta get used to you gotta get used to feeling uncomfortable to be comfortable in every fucking situation, as small as having a conversation with your significant other. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 12:23

Yeah, I think that's that's something that we desperately avoid is that discomfort. And what we don't realize is that little bit of discomfort. If you were just uncomfortable for a 10-minute conversation, half an hour, bro, it would save you a lot of pain down the road when your wife's dealt with your lack of communication for years and she's finally done. Now you got a lot of pain because what you didn't want to have a 20-minute conversation is say, babe, like I appreciate everything you're doing, but I just need to thank you once in a while. I just need I need to hear it from you. I need to, you know, I I need to feel seen. I'm not feeling seen. Boys, we've talked about it before. The girls just want us to talk, want us to communicate. It's open your mouth up and be in control, be in control of your emotions, demonstrate that emotional intelligence of like, babes, this is what I need.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

That five-minute conversation can prevent three weeks of feeling like stewing in your own thoughts and made up like comfort is a place where where it's a silent killer, right? Like, you can just be complacent and comfortable with quotes. Um, but the other person could be thinking there could be stuff that you're not realizing that they need to discuss because you guys are just in a comfort routine of I'm on the same old, same old night. And also like the acts of service, too. Like going to work is an act of service. It shows that you care enough to provide for the family, of course. But would it I don't think it takes that much effort to maybe toss your dirty socks in the laundry instead of on the floor? That's an act of service too. Like it costs you zero energy and effort. You're already say walking past the or whatever, you're walking past that area anyway. You might as well just toss it kind of thing.

SPEAKER_02 14:18

But just yeah. You know where I I I could uh side with this opinion of you know feeling underappreciated is if you were in a situation where um you know the expectation is you go to work. Fuck you want me to be thankful for, you're supposed to go to work. Uh you know, I hear it from guys. The fuck does she want me to be thankful for she raises? You're supposed to stay home, right? Fine line. You you can't be that way on either side. You know, when when something that you're doing to provide or that they're doing to provide becomes you should be doing that. No, but I agree. I do agree. You should be going to fucking work, man. And someone needs to raise your kid. Um, be fucking appreciative because neither one of you are living the best life, right? Like y'all are both struggling, y'all are both trying. This is new. You're experiencing different things, you're perceiving the world differently. Show some fucking appreciation. If you want to be appreciated, you need to appreciate. Don't have the expectation that she better have dinner on the table when I get home because she's been home all fucking day. Man, nix that no, next fucking. I can see how when an expectation your wife expects you to go out, bring home money so that we can eat can feel underappreciated. But that's when you guys got popped, correct? Yeah, that's you have to reframe that, you have to notice that in yourself and say, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like I need to feel like what I'm doing is enough. And you know, there are situations where she doesn't feel it's enough, and you need to make some decisions moving forward. Not to say that you can't have conversations first. Yep. Um again, I think that comes down to picking the right people and surrounding yourself in the right situations and and and having a community to fall back on.

SPEAKER_00 16:14

What I'm hearing though, too, is uh, are you showing the appreciation you want back? Yeah, well, um that's it, right? Like show them appreciation, they'll show you appreciation and and notice those small little acts of appreciation rather than words back, Tid.

SPEAKER_02 16:35

I think it's tough for us as men. I think the issue is rarely being appreciated or not, and I think it's misplaced validation. I know I feel most uh confident when I'm producing. Um, you know, I am valued at work for my output, not my presence. Being at work don't mean shit if I'm not producing. I internalize that at home, in my friendships, in my business. If I'm not producing, I don't have a value. Just because I show up to do the podcast doesn't mean anything if I don't add value to the podcast. Let's sit here and talk and and and communicate. So I think as men, we we're misplacing this need for appreciation and looking for external validation. Um you know, we've learned that if you produce, you get approval. If I produce at work, I move up, I make more money, I get bonuses, I get opportunities, I get responsibility. I feel that way at home. But when I'm not when I feel like I'm not getting a bonus at home, I'm not getting promotions at home, I'm not moving up in ranks at home, you're not getting that approval. And I think you need to reframe what what are you looking for?

SPEAKER_00 17:55

Exactly. You're leveling your family up, rather, right? Like you're grinding at work and and and bringing home more money and getting that respect at work, but what are you doing it for? You're doing it for the household, the family, the kid, the the wife, the you know, to make their lives better.

SPEAKER_02 18:14

Yeah, 100%. Your children are not responsible for for validating your sacrifices, they didn't ask to be here. Nope. Right? They don't owe you emotional repayment. Your partner's not required to clap for baseline responsibility. You chose this role, and I think you know we were taught uh, you know, how to receive care and give care, um, but we weren't taught how to earn it. Uh, you know, we I think perceiving uh appreciation and giving appreciation is is so important. You have to be thankful to your partner, you have to be thankful, be thankful to your kids, yeah, man. Right? Be you you said it in the last episode. When your kids are out here and and they're just being quiet, they're you know, quote unquote, just being good while you're cooking dinner. Go tell them thank you. Sit down for dinner. Hey man, I look, I just want to say before we eat, thanks for just sitting there, thanks for just hanging out. Like, I really appreciate that you guys let me cook this big meal. Um, you're just awesome kids. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 19:25

Thanks for uh like scraping your plate when it's done and tossing it in the dishwasher.

SPEAKER_02 19:30

That small act that I goes a long way, man. I think I said in an earlier episode uh something that still rings to me. I don't remember when it was said, but it rings today. We we went out to the mall or something. I held the door open for some lady after us when I was a kid. At dinner, my mom said, I'm gonna tell you something. She says, I was really proud of you for holding the door open for that. That lady when we were at the mall. Thank you for that. Like, thank you for representing us. Thank you, thank you for being a gentleman. I was a kid. That shit's I still feel that today, the way that that made me feel, man. So you have to think about how you make your kids feel, how you make your partner feel by reflecting uh validation, by reflecting appreciation. Um I think that that's so important.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

I really think too, you gotta put in the work, bro, brother. Like when you start feeling signs of resentment, unappreciation going unseen. You gotta take some time to reflect on why you feel like that. Like you keep on saying, Andy. Like, put in the work to self-reflect. Don't be selfish with within that moment to yourself and your family. Take some time to analyze why am I feeling like this, bro? Like, I know I'm a good provider. This and that. Okay, I don't hear it all the time, but why is it affecting me so much? Like, start like meditating, reflect into your childhood and like analyze why do I feel like this? Just don't fucking take the easy route and start getting resentful and not want to communicate. Oh, that's on you. As the head of the family, as a man in society right now, trying to have that emotional intelligence, trying to set that example for your kids. Take that time for yourself to analyze what the issue is really. Then when to take that time, you could sit down and communicate it out. Or you can put the effort to show appreciation more to the people that are around you, the blessings that you have, and set that example and see if it is reciprocated back to you. Because sometimes you're just so locked in and you're not showing that love outwardly. So they're locked in and you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 21:50

Like and people think like when when when you know when dad's locked in, if your family knows you, just leave that. Yeah, he's he's working, you know, maybe your wife's in the background. On telling your kids he's working 12 hours, just let him come home and eat. You know, that doesn't feel the best right now, but he he's trying for us.

SPEAKER_01 22:07

Maybe the family's waiting on you to make that first up of come back. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 22:13

Yeah, yeah. Right? Because you're locked in. We have to, you know, Jeff mentioned before we started this episode that you know it's hard raising, especially teenage kids right now, because there is a uh a potential for feeling like they don't appreciate things just because fuck kids, right? I know my little boy, one year old, he'll give a fuck about all the toys. We've I get no thank you. But him being quiet and playing and being happy is is my appreciation. I think for some dads out there that maybe are experiencing that teenage angst, fuck you, dad, kind of not that your kids are there. Um, are you setting expectations for your kids to meet adult emotional needs? Right. Like you're running your filter of emotional intelligence through your kid. They're just learning what the fuck emotions are. Like, I imagine I'd I have an experience, but I I would imagine that teenagers have some big emotions. Hell yeah. Big ass emotions. They're going through body changes, puberty, friendships, trying to fit in in society. Like, there's a lot that they're taking on right now, and you want them to be thankful? For what? Like, let that shit go, man. So they're not there. If they feel safe, they feel open to be goofy and they're happy and they're laughing and they're bringing you problems. Take that shit as thanks. Hell yeah. Right? If you've created an atmosphere where they can bring things to you, again, man, reflect that back. Hey, Zay, thanks for sharing that. I really appreciate that you came to me. Hey, thanks for calling me uh to pick you up because your safety is the most important thing. I'll come here every day. Thank you. Say thank you to your kids. You know, my boy doesn't understand nothing, but I tell him thank you every day. Thanks for being you, buddy. Thanks for being so strong, thanks for being so courageous, thanks for being fucking my little dude. Yeah, thanks for testing my goddamn pain.

SPEAKER_01 24:15

Don't lose that, huh? Don't lose that, bro. Those words of affirmation will not go unseen as they grow. It becomes a beautiful thing when they start fucking using their words to communicate the appreciation of what you sacrificed. It will come, bro. Take those silent wins, those silent wins and keep on being the best version of yourself. Be a little bit less selfish, and I'm telling you, as they develop, as they grow into their personalities, it'll come. I'm there right now, as they're young adults starting university. I have these little conversations with Azaria and my daughter that it's just like, man, I see you, I see you're my champion for a reason. Zayze wrote this, had an assignment at work, and she just uh she had to write who's her champion in her life, and that was it was to me. I'm like, what? And I was I was reading this this paragraph, and it's just like I didn't realize then, but now I realize we didn't go out go without food. We always had clothes. My dad used to work crazy hours, and now that I'm older, I just um he's my champ because of all the sacrifices. It will come. It might not come in the moment when you do it through those 12-hour shifts and everything, like, but keep on trucking, boys, keep on putting your best foot forward, pour into your family, and all that shit, all that recognition will come at some point. Yeah, hell fucking yeah, bro. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:00

And Joe's forget about the uh the long-term picture, right? Like zoom out, look at the whole picture, right? Like you might be in the moment, just living day to day. Day to day can be tricky. Um if you only for focus on that. Like uh zoom out. Like at the end of the day, it's gonna be you and your partner. Kids are gonna be healthy, they might be out of the house doing their own thing, you know, living, um, starting their own families, um, traveling around the world, who knows? But you've you've set them up for whatever success they want. And at the end of the day, it'll be you and your partner looking back and either reflecting positively or negatively. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 26:46

Yeah, I don't know. It's well a little bit too different. I mean, you're 100% right. Like, I speaking from my experience, I didn't understand the sacrifices and the things that my mom did uh for me growing up until I was an adult, right? Like those things do go unseen. Fatherhood, parenthood is a long game, is delayed feedback. You know, toddlers don't understand. Your teens ain't gonna clap. Sometimes your adult children won't either. The reward is who you become, the reward is the household has stability. Um, if appreciation fuels you, then resentment will follow when it disappears. Yeah, nurses. I know that my mom did an amazing job. She did the best that she could. Could I focus on the negative about, you know, we grew up poor and I don't always have Adidas or Nike to wear. I got giant tiger brands, say adventures protect. But she did everything that she could. As much as I could say I grew up without and I lack this and I lack that. She also provided me with the strength, the stability, the confidence, the the safety, the freedom, the all of these things, man. And it wasn't until I was a fucking adult, probably late 20s, until I was able to say, like, thank you. Thank you for what you did for me. This shit takes years, man. Yeah, bro.

SPEAKER_01 28:18

Nothing's overnight. You know what I'm saying? Nothing's overnight. And yo, listen, before the resentment soaks in, you know what I'm saying? Self-care too, bro. Like, you have a responsibility to your family and to yourself. This is a trail treaded by few successfully. You know what I'm saying? It's a lot of work you gotta put in, but you're pouring into an investment. You need to pour into yourself when you're going through these dark times. Hit the gym, hit up the community, get out there on a nature walk. Use these little things to combat depression, anxiety, and resentment. While you're going through these things, raising your family, you'll get the clarity because you have the tools to combat these dark feelings. You're grown up. We're grown-ups. We're on a path that you've chosen. Yo, use the tools you need to get through it. Every day is not gonna be freaking flowers, but through those dark times and you having this self-care type of mentality, boop right there. Okay, I gotta be the household head, boop right there. Okay, I'm a man of faith that that's what it is. Boop right there. You place things in your life that will give you the tools to truck fucking through. And that's what it is. 20 years of marriage, 21 years of being in this relationship, 18, 24 years of being a fucking father. You know what I'm saying? Like, I set little things in place to help me through the dark times. And then if you're blessed to have a significant other that's on the same page, she will play her position to make sure you get through. If you're in a situation where you're co-parenting, it's even more important now for you to not lose yourself through just um like being locked in. And you start, you start forgetting how you, you know, I'm a fashionable man, I like to dress nice. You start dressing bummy all the time. This is what your kids see when they come over on the weekends, you're just down and out, always tired, this and that. No, take time for self-care so you can be the best version of yourself, so you can show your kids, hey, even though even though I'm going through this rough shit, I still know that I gotta take care of myself while we get through. Place little tools in your life so you can get through the dark times, just like anything else in life. Fuck it. That's how I feel.

SPEAKER_02 30:45

I think it's super important. You you need to model strengths, um, not silent bitterness, right? Like it it it shows. And if if you're in a situation, I believe, when um you've you've left your relationship, it's just you now, uh, your kids are picking up on this bitterness. This fuck life, fuck everything, everything's going wrong for me. You know, quickly it becomes, you know, my home life sucks, fuck my job too. That place sucks, my boss is a prick, everyone I work with sucks, fuck my family. You know, it it that quickly spirals. And and like Ryan's saying, man, it's during the good times where you have to start building that foundation. When things are good, you have to, you know, find faith, find a buddy, find a community, find your your family, lean on a cousin, lean on whoever to help you cope. Yeah, um, because it's a it's a dangerous path, man. I I do believe that when you feel at loss, you feel you know, unseen, you feel underappreciated, there are negative coping mechanisms and falling apart, it just ain't it's not acceptable. No, when you have kids, nope, then you it's our responsibility to lift ourselves up and demonstrate that's trying to it's okay to be down, it's okay when your kids come over, and even if you trying your best isn't the best, demonstrate that. Try and clean up your house a little bit, try and dress all right, have a shower at least. You know what I mean? Try and take care of yourself to demonstrate to your kids. It doesn't matter what the fuck's going on, you still have to show up. Yeah, man. Giving up's not acceptable, it's not an option.

SPEAKER_00 32:30

It may take years to get to the point where your systems start to actually work visibly, you can actually see all that hard work paying off that self-care, the going to the gym. Um that kind of stuff does take time. So if you don't see results tomorrow, at least, you know, the best time to plant your garden is today. Or yesterday. Yesterday is the best time to plant your garden. If you can't it yeah, I don't know, man. It takes time.

SPEAKER_02 33:02

Don't worry about it. Just it doesn't happen overnight.

SPEAKER_00 33:05

Putting in your it's a compound interest. If you put 58 bucks in every paycheck, it's gonna look like nothing right now. But in one 10 years, five years, whatever, you start seeing stuff.

SPEAKER_02 33:21

It's all about what standard you hold yourself to that doesn't require external validation. And I completely agree by building these little blocks and shit call pounds quick. I know that when I was jogging, I then wanted to drink water more often. I was staying hydrated. I was picking up these uh little salt packs, uh liquid IV. I was brother helped me 100%. I think you need to focus on leading your family without emotional debt. You can't be keeping score, you can't say, Well, I did this and I did that, and I show up and I do this and I do puzzles with them. What the fuck do you do? Understanding, I really like the way that you put it with your love language thing, is everyone has a love language. You have to really reflect on how it's being shown to you, what's in front of you, what are you seeing? You know, where else are you sourcing a meaning outside of fatherhood? You you have to find meaning, whether it's through self-reflection, whether it's through the gym, whether it's through the dad walk, fatherhood hike once monthly. You you have to source meaning elsewhere than just your kids. It's not their problem, it's not just your partner's problem. Um, I think that those are all really good points. For now, if this episode stirred something up in you, that's not a problem. That's the signal. You need you don't need more praise, you need alignment with who you're becoming. Come find us on Instagram at the datapodcast. You don't need to be appreciated to be doing something meaningful, you just need to stay steady. Remember, boys, we is all we got. Thank you.