Episode 31: The Mentor Era for Dads - How to Influence Teens Without Controlling Them

 Episode 31: The Mentor Era for Dads - How to Influence Teens Without Controlling Them

In this episode of The Dad Edit, we talk about the shift that happens when kids enter the teenage years when fatherhood moves from control to influence.

Many dads aren’t ready for this moment. The instinct is to double down on authority. Lay down the rules. Protect the boundaries. But sometimes the more you tighten the grip, the more your kids pull away.

We explore what it really looks like to move from boss to mentor as a father.

We talk about:• Why the teenage years force dads to evolve• The moment authority stops working the way it used to• How mentorship and coaching replace control• The ego hit dads feel when they’re no longer “the guy” their kids look up to• Teaching independence without abandoning protection• How trust is built when kids start testing freedom• Why adapting your parenting style might be the difference between connection and rebellion

This stage of fatherhood can feel uncomfortable. Humbling. Even a little scary.

But it’s also where some of the most important relationships with our kids are built.

Because eventually the rules disappear.

What stays is respect, influence, and the voice they still hear in their head when they make decisions.

If you're raising teenagers, approaching the teen years, or realizing your kids are starting to push for independence this conversation is for you.

Because fatherhood isn’t about controlling our kids forever.

It’s about preparing them to stand on their own.

And learning when it’s time to shift from authority to mentor.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Before we jump in, if this podcast has ever helped you think more clearly, respond more calmly, or feel less alone in the quiet parts of fatherhood, hit that follow on Spotify or Apple. Leave a review if this conversation sharpened you, not just comforted you. If you're on YouTube, like, comment, and subscribe. If you're a dad in the area, the London, Ontario area, we host a monthly dad walk where fathers get together, we walk, we talk, and we connect. There's no pressure, no speeches, just real conversations. Watch our Instagram at the dad at a podcast for updates on the next dad walk. All right, let's go. Jeff, this is kind of targeted towards the phase that you're entering. Um your oldest is going into high school. Um that's scary. This I'm trying to think back to like when I was in high school, what I was going through, uh what I needed at that time, I think. You know, I went to a Beale in London here. That's right. It's a big fucking high school. It was so scary. School, no, like artsy traits. Okay, yeah. And uh I don't think I had any advice, you know. My mom would ask, How are you feeling when make you nervous? Um, but I think what I what I needed was some mentorship. And obviously, I didn't have a father figure at the time, so um I think what she tried to offer was very emotional forward. Uh, how are you feeling? Are you nervous? Um but I think I needed a bit more of coaching, a bit more mentorship. What is it like to become a teen? And I think as adults, we need to be able to express how we felt as kids, especially like as children becoming teenagers, these this that tween phase is a weird one, right? Um Ryan, you've experienced this a handful of times now with your girls. What's that feeling like in the house? What is the energy like when they're coming up on high school? Were your girls excited? Were they nervous? Everyone was uh very excited, like me.

SPEAKER_02 2:31

Uh for myself, high school was awesome. Great, it was a great experience. Uh, friends and moments built and everything like that, high school dances and everything. So my experience was great. So I always gave that it like spoke on that experience with my kids through their elementary stage and just encouraged them to embrace it, right? So when it got there, everyone was super psyched, super excited. Um, and yeah, um we watched it just play out. Um this is the time where a lot of fear pouring into as their children starts taking place, right? The things you tell them to look out for, the people to surround themselves with. And then the time is now, right? And um it's it was a great for me and my wife, it was just great coaching. It was a lot of coaching through, not a lot of um telling what to do. With high school comes peer pressure, there's other elements, so much more influence from outside, man.

SPEAKER_01 3:37

Yeah, 100%. It's uh when I was prepping for this episode, I kind of I was looking at the phases. Um, this is some content that I've been taking in a lot lately, and I'm just gonna read it quickly. But it says, you know, in the zero to five era, which is where I am right now, you set the rules, you set the structure, you show where the safety points are. Yeah, kids at this age need clear direction, right? You know, I'm telling him yes and no. Yes, that is a car. No, don't put your finger in the socket, period. Right? There, there is no further understanding that he needs other than yes and no. Yep. Um, and it looks like that kind of starts to waver away around the five-year mark, and then at six to twelve, you're the teacher. So uh you're teaching them how to use judgment, you're teaching them value, you're teaching them skills. Uh, lots of explaining the why. Don't put your finger in the plug. Why? Well, because you could get hurt, you could die, it's gonna it's gonna shock you. This is what this does, it's for appliances, etc., etc. Jeff, you're going into this 13 to 17 mark, um, where what I'm reading says you need to be more of a guide, a coach, a mentor.

SPEAKER_03 4:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

Um, you know, control starts to fade. Uh, teens push for more autonomy. Um, they want to be themselves, they want to be individuals now. Oh, yeah. I know as a fucking teen, I knew better than my mom. Every day I did, right? Um, you know, your advice, your perspective, your guardrails, uh uh uh uh, these are all things that you want to be implementing rather than just command. Um, if you try to stay in the boss era, I think it knackfires. Oh, yeah. Uh and I think we have to be cautious about that. And then Ryan, you're also you've led into the 18 plus. This is where they choose to be your friend, which is a unique era, right? This like zero to 13 era you're you're pouring into them, hopefully to give them the the the the preparation for life. Yeah, and then it's up to them to choose to be around you. Yeah. Sucks.

SPEAKER_02 5:52

Hey, don't get it twisted. It's always great to have that friendship, but in my mind, I'm a father first. We could be friends if you like, but that father-daughter relationship is gonna be hella great. And then you'll you'll decide on your own. I I won't get hurt feelings if if I'm not your best friend, or if we're not friends at all, but I know that I'll be there when you need me. Advice, security, whatever it is, security, security, I'm right there. But like I'm your father first, and I've always led heavy on that. I know there's a lot of parents that mix that style up, and kudos to you. Uh, I'd like to think that I am their close friend, but I ain't getting hurt feelings if it's not like that, brother. I know that I'm a great father and I'm there for what they need, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 6:37

I think it's very different. It's not like you don't become their best friend, so to speak, right? Like you are always a parental figure to them. But I think when you become an adult, it's now they're starting their family, they're starting their life. They have the opportunity, they have to make the choice whether they keep you in that or not, where you where you want that adult relationship with. Well, yeah. But for sure, you're always a parental figure. But I think, you know, bringing it back to this topic, authority seems to have a bit of a shelf life, right? I mean, you're still the uh the authority in the household um during the teen years, but does it change? Do you have to switch it up a bit? Didn't you stay hard on um the pillars are there?

SPEAKER_02 7:24

They know where the line is drawn in the sand. But it's more, like I said, more coaching, more mentorship, allowing them to make those hard decisions for themselves, but letting them know, yeah, we're here to support you. And this is normal, it is what it is. This is part of growing up, becoming an adult. You only got 17 years and you want to rush so quick to become an adult, though. It's here, you know what I'm saying? And it's like bro.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

I I it was said to me so many times as a kid, don't try and grow up too fast. Yo, I have never felt that until like more recently. Like, if I could just go back to being a kid and like playing in a sandbox and like not worrying about I want to go do like big boy shit, being an adult, and I can't wait to get a job. Fuku, just be a kid, man. Enjoy yourself, man.

SPEAKER_02 8:07

Yeah, it it you can't stress that more. Uh, I heard this the other day. Uh, I was going through some reels, some memes, just you know, surfing a bit. And uh hit this one meme, he's just like, you got 17 years of your life to be a child, to to you know, do your thing. You got seven years to be a fucking adult. Pump your brakes, enjoy that time, man, because it flies. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? So yeah, I'm gonna, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

Was there a moment for you that you kind of realized that a bold approach to parenting wasn't working? Was it a natural flow into coach? Uh or were you like, oh shit. We gotta switch.

SPEAKER_02 8:48

I got an oh shit moment. I did personally, my wife was prepared. Oh shit. And she pulled me to the side, and it was just like, hey, you're dealing with young adults, you're dealing with teenage girls. Bring it back a notch. Yeah, you know, high school starts, and certain I want to go there, I want to sleep over here. Like, hello, you know the you know the rules. It ain't happening. But then they're on point with their chores. Good fucking kids, great in school. Like, what's my reasoning behind that besides me just being a father and be like, fuck no, stay in the circle, I can protect nine. And like I got I had to get checked, my wife checked me with that, and I'm grateful for that, you know. And I had to trans and transition into that more of a still father figure, authority figure, but mentoring through. You know, a lot of conversations at night after school, just having real conversations of how to approach their feelings and situations.

SPEAKER_01 9:45

How does it feel hitting that? Like I like, I'm trying to rationalize, you know, your more or less making the decisions. You're you're telling them how it is, what happens, what they can and can't do. Bah, done. And then you hit this like wall of like, yeah, but dad, I've done everything you've asked. Um, and I'm doing good in school. You've met Kaylee, and she's a good kid, and you don't have any problems with me hanging out with them. Why can't I stay the night? And you gotta like reel it back and not just be like, because I'm the dad and I said so what I said so zos. How does that feel? It's humbling, bro.

SPEAKER_02 10:27

It's humbling. But at the same time, it's like you get to see their character, you get to see what you poured into them, and you have to react accordingly. It just can't be forced. You like I said, you have to have those conversations because now they're they're coming with reasonable questions, explanations as young adults. So you gotta approach it like that. And you can't just say yes or no, you have to have a conversation, even though you you kind of know the the the outcome of the conversation, but I still gotta allow them to voice their opinion or present their case and approach it with maturity. Bro, like whether they're toddlers, it's so much easier. It's so much easier. Like you said, it's the yes-no, it's a whole lot of structure. Hey, we got both parents in this household that we can handle, we can give you structure. But then when that character and the personality sets coming out, and those words I've never heard you use before, and you're twisting them on me, is like with so much reasoning and maturity, it's just like, whoa, okay, this is what I asked for, man. They're not coming with this immature way of thinking, they're coming with what me and my my wife structured. So it's just it's it's it's blessed because it's like, hey, you're seeing the fruits of your labor. These are strong, I and I use this word quite often with my girls, strong, intelligent black women. They come with that vibe, and it's just like, hey, hey, thank you, father. I did a great job. Like, damn.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

It's gotta be so hard argue. You're late, arguing with a mix of you and your wife, too. Oh, like I'm sure you could see the reflection, like, oh shit.

SPEAKER_02 12:11

That starts happening a lot more too. You start remembering when you were a teenager, like, oh, snap, and I see that attitude. You're not giving me that attitude, but you know how to I'm dealing with myself. I'm looking in the mirror, my mom just loves it. She's like, You can't get mad. What do you mean I can't get mad? She's she's you. I'm like, that's a that's a cheap excuse. No, I will get upset, but I'll control my emotions. I will approach this this conversation appropriately. But like, yeah, it's it's mind-blowing, bro. You start, you really start understanding that DNA is a real fucking thing, and you do pass certain things on, and you just gotta deal with yourself. So I try to reflect on when I was that age and how I thought I knew everything, and how I thought I was ready for the world, and I approach it with softness, understanding, and take it from there. And the with the support of my wife and the great relationship she has with the girls, it's a different dynamic than I have, obviously. But she she she she she see my John Stockton, bro. Like she makes sure everything is good and puts me on that level when I get too high, and then we just approach it and conquer that shit. And uh yeah, kids are awesome. That's cool.

SPEAKER_01 13:29

Yes, yeah. Do you feel like um do you feel like most dads are unprepared? Because you you said you you kind of just hit a humbling experience and your wife was ready for it. Um, do you think most dads run that? I think it's like anything else in being a father, and it's like something's a brand new figure on their own. Like, how do you feel going into that?

SPEAKER_00 13:50

I can tell you, I recently had that wall just hit me right on the nose. I'm like, oh, we're playing a different game now. This is a whole different I gotta learn how to parent this era of teen, uh early teen, like, yeah, they're they're much more independent now. Um, they'll come to you, they don't want it's unsolicited advice. Um, that's a big one. I gotta yeah, I let them come to me. Yeah. Um, but it does, it does happen all of a sudden, and you've got about three months to adapt, or you're or you're gonna be the bad guy. You're on the other side of the line, right? Yeah. So listening to to what Ryan's gotta say about his experiences, hopefully it's gonna be very helpful for me and other dads listening that and going into that era because it's a learning ex a learning curve. Because I've got one who's in this independent going into high school era, and then I still got my little girl who's young, and she wants she she still needs you know a bit of that structure. Maybe with a change, yeah. People, so I got one foot in two different like brother. That's tough. So, and every interaction is just like uh splitting my brain half. I'm over here, half over there, so it's tricky. Um that's tough, but yeah, it hits you like a wall.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

Hey, brother, y'all with multiple kids. Like me and Nick have talked many times. Everyone asks, so when's when's the next one coming? You know, he's Lake's one now. Like we're both on the same page. Like, I I don't know. I think we're maybe one and done. One one seems nice, one seems easy. I like it. Yeah, we I don't know. Envy, y'all are it's tough, man. And to to have to flip back and forth that like when they're at that differing age, and your girls still like you're the hero to her still. Your boys getting influenced by other people, you're not as much the hero, you know.

SPEAKER_00 15:47

But I mean, like, and that would be so tough, dude. Man, I'm I'm annoying to him now. He's that that's the stage, and I guess I was similar, like at that age too. Uh I was independent. I was like, I'll come to you if I need something. And it's like the same thing. Like you said, looking in the mirror, you're like, that's how that's how I used to be. Oh just the big boss I can take care of his own stuff. No, but this'll be good um uh practice for then when my my daughter claps into that learning experience.

SPEAKER_01 16:20

Yeah. Well, that's again, that's what you would have experienced, right?

SPEAKER_02 16:23

Like I said, even though every I have three daughters and they all have their own individual style of thinking, right? So with Nikki, it was a little it was a little rough, but I took where I was a little too harsh, or I could have been more lenient, or I could have stepped in more and they tried to apply that to Ayanna. But I still gotta deal with Ayanna on her own level because she's her own individual. Pick and you know, pick and learn what worked, what didn't. And then now we have my baby who's turning 18 at the end of the month. And I'm telling you, bro, it this girl's so kind-hearted, she's so loving, she has her own style. So I had the two oldest here, there, here, there, a little bit more lenient. I understood I had to just pump back the brakes a bit. But because once again, it's about what you pour into them with Atzarya, she she's so loving that it was it was a not much resistance at all. She kind of at the same time as children, we we watch, we listen, we learn, we see what you can get away with. Okay, my older sister got away with this, they stand firm over here. So she kind of, you know, she she knew how to also deal with us as we we knew and learned how to deal with her. So with my youngest, it was it just flowed easy. And now she's at the end of high school, she's ready for college, and like she, fucking awesome kid, very loving, wants to be a teacher, shit like that. And like it just it's it it's just making sense. Yeah, it gets easier. 100% it gets easier. When you have multiple kids, it gets easier. I find it got easier with when it came down to uh uh masaria.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

Yeah. So you build up, sorry, you build up those skill set, yeah, and and you choose the tools you need to use at the appropriate time, just like anything else in life, bro.

SPEAKER_02 18:20

Exactly. You know, you're a learning man. You learn it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:24

You never stop learning. Ever, never, it seems like it's forever. Um what do you guys think that this stage becomes so difficult for dads to navigate? What what about this? Are we so unprepared for? Um, you guys have both experienced this, like, fuck, I'm gonna hit a wall. You you know, you know the age is coming, but we we seem unprepared for hitting that teenage life, and we don't make that preemptive adaptation. Do you feel like it's hurting us to lose control? Do you think it's about authority or is it about respect?

SPEAKER_02 19:03

I think me, it's about how'd I put this, not being that guy, that only guy. This is um, this is my example of of a of a of a male in society. This is who I compare everything to. As they get their own independence, you your feelings kind of get hurt because you're you're not that guy anymore. They they go out there, their comparison's hot, bro. They mean coaches, husbands. No teachers, people in their in their community now, they start observing and okay, uh, Mr. McDougal is pretty dope. He has his shit together and he knows so much. And wasn't that a little bit like Mr. McDougall? Like, you know what I'm saying? So for me, it was being taken down a notch, not being the that that that uh up there type of. Or the fight of stool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that kind of hurt the feelings a bit, but yeah, I just adjust, man. And no, I'm still uh when you need me, I'm there. Yeah, and it was dad. You're always dad. Always, everyone always wants, you know, wants to be loved, you know. So that never wavered. I showed him no matter what, no matter how old you are, you're my baby girl. That's how I view you. When you come at me and you're turning 20, I see six-year-old Diana, like, you know what I'm saying? But you have to come to reasoning for yourself, like shit. I remember this point where it was just like she starts getting more real. And uh yeah, I'm ready to become who I'm supposed to become. So you don't want to get in the way of bat. You know what I'm saying? You won't you want them to blossom and and grow. So for me, it was just not being that superior.

SPEAKER_01 20:46

Yeah. I think maybe that's a difficult part for a lot of dads is letting go of that. You know, that is ego and identity being tied to a one-inchart, which and it feels good, right? Like if when I go to work, it feels good that like I make the decisions, I'm the box. I'm organized, I'm moving things forward. When you're that at the household, and then you get fired. You know what I mean? You get demoted, demoted lateral movement. Yeah, we've moved you to another department. Fuck it in. Um same pay, but you just it's just different responsibility. Yeah, if it hurts, right? Like you feel like you lose your purpose, maybe.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

But it's it's the next level now, like embrace it. Like you're opening a new door, yeah. Embrace that door you're opening in and and and you know, continue pouring in.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

I think you've seen the the damage it can do when a dad stays in that command mode. Hopefully, you know what I mean. When you talk, you know, quote unquote daddy issues, dads at home still fucking yelling at you as a teenager. You're gonna listen to a goddamn word ever saying, yada yada yada, do what I fucking want. And then those girls are guys, I should say, are jumping out their window, going out with their friends, anyways, getting into way crazier shit because they just hit that rebellion volume. And that teens will rebel. 100%. Um, and it's it's not good to be stuck in that. And I think you have to always be growing as dads. We have to adapt. There's new information coming up. Your kids are changing for them to be healthy, productive individuals. You have to grow with that. And it's a time of reflection too on self. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:23

Oh, y'all, you have to reflect and remember and remember who the fuck you were as a teenager. Oh, like I was a menace. My wife checks me on that, right? Like, yeah, I get it. She wants to sleep out, but remember what you were doing. You weren't asking. Right? You were coming home five o'clock in the morning in the morning. You weren't asking. You were doing what you had to do, right? So at least she's asking.

unknown 22:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:45

How are we gonna approach this?

unknown 22:48

Shit, you're right.

SPEAKER_02 22:48

All right. And also, time of reflection. It's bait two. Yeah. Don't don't lie to yourself. Don't be naive. Kids are gonna be kids. Young adults are gonna be young adults. They're gonna want to explore and shit like that.

SPEAKER_01 22:59

I can't. Like, I'm still my kid's one year old. He needs me for everything. I can't like my heart starts beating quick when I think about him going out by himself. Like me and my girl are gonna be fucking PIs following his eye. He's never gonna know. Driving up behind, just make sure he's okay, he's safe. I don't like show up at parties.

SPEAKER_02 23:20

Bro, you say that now, but like through your pouring in stage, and when he gets there, they're sure gonna be like, Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah. At least he came and asked me, you know what? Okay, I will I'll give him a chance, we'll see what's up. Because with the Zarya, my 18-year-old soon to be 18, like her friends are buying cars now, and dad can can um such and such come pick me up to go to school, or can I hang out after school with such and such? It's like, yes, you can. She can, right? Like, you know, Emily, like she's good, yeah. It's all good. Like, you know, those stages come and you gotta allow it, you gotta let go, you gotta loosen up, and it's just yeah, it ain't a great feeling, bro. But you'll have to go through it. What what do you want? You want to be the asshole and you're butting heads every fucking weekend just to allow her to go to the fucking mall? Yeah, on her on her on her time, bro.

SPEAKER_01 24:15

And I remember like I'd tell my mom I'm going, oh, I'm going to Jesse's house, no big deal. And then I'd pick up the payphone at Masonville Mall. Be like, Ma uh, we went to the mall. Can you come pick me up? From his town seven at night. Oh man. Yep. I wasn't where I said I was gonna be.

SPEAKER_00 24:47

Make good decisions, hope that they've got good good folks around them. My son went out with his two buddies on Halloween. Uh, probably one of the last Halloweens that still do because they're going into high school. Nobody's gonna give a high school kid candy, probably. Well, it's tall. I yeah, yeah. He's tall. He's like he looks like an adult though there. Yeah, the vet mostly they just walked around and went to their friends' houses and like got some candy from them and just like interacting with other groups of same-age kids, like in passing. But his two friends are excellent stand-up guys, their families that they came from are excellent stand-up families. So I'm like, okay, I I think he's in good shape. Yeah, yeah, he's tall enough to like they know. I've I've I I can trust, I have the faith that those boys will be good, their instincts will kick in if they need them to. They they said somebody was creeping them out, so I they asked for a ride back to the other friend's house after. So I was like, okay, perfect. They're got those things are good, they're looking out for each other. They're gonna they they asked when they needed something, and now they're going to eat a ton of candy and stay up till 3 a.m. Punker. There was a just so play some uh N64 you and Mario Kurse eating what is it, nickel candies as that is yeah, so the fate part's good. Uh it's important, but it's hard because you uh you go through your identity is the guy at home that says yes or no for 5 14 years or whatever, and then all of a sudden in three months you've gotta be, you've gotta realize, oh, it's not like that anymore.

SPEAKER_01 26:33

And I think maybe that's what what catches us off guard is genuinely, I feel like your kid wakes up one day and they're like, I know everything. You know what I mean? Like, I wouldn't say one day, I'd say a week. It's like you come home from work. What next day you come, now they know something. What the where is this coming from?

SPEAKER_02 26:53

So I give her like a week, not a day, it's like about a week.

SPEAKER_01 26:56

That's a quick transition, man. Yeah, man. You go from like Jeffy's saying, like, I'm the decision maker to shit, I gotta pivot. Yeah, and it's like at that point, okay, what am I gonna do?

SPEAKER_02 27:09

Do I want uh this relationship to go south and always button heads from now on? Right? Or do I want to take a moment and uh evaluate the situation, evaluate my approach? And that's when my wife really instilled in me. She's like, man, this can be an easy transition or it can be fucking real difficult for you. So you choose. Like, let's let's just slow down and look at what the whole situation is. These are not toddlers, they're young women. Let's have a conversation. So it usually started off with me and my wife having a conversation. I checked my I I went silent when when I wasn't agreeing with whatever was presented to me. I'd go silent. Let me think about it, checking my hair and then move forward accordingly. But like my biggest fear was everything that I built, that relationship that I had, somewhat like friendship, I didn't want to lose that. So, yo, check yourself at the door. Like, you're sacrificing everything right now over a fucking sleepover, buddy. Like, like, you know, it might sound simple, like, but like it starts with the sleepover. If I stay stirred, they don't want to come and ask me no more. They're just gonna fucking go to their mom. And if they don't get, we're just gonna start doing. So check yourself at the door and understand like everything you've built can go a different direction just over your selfishness of wanting to be that authority. Figure it just that father that has his hand on everything. You gotta do that.

SPEAKER_01 28:39

You gotta lead from rather than telling them what the the what's gonna happen in the risk, because that's what you you're doing. You're doing risk assessment. You're saying, yeah, if you stay over there, I don't know this rant, this could happen, that could happen. Here's the problems. Uh, you know, this is a four out of five for risk to me. I'm gonna say no. Rather than coaching them through that thought was us like, okay, where are you going? What are you doing? Can you make sure you call me at this time? Or I need to know that you're gonna be here, or can you share your location with me because you're going you're going to Toronto on your own, yeah, and I'm still in London. So I just need to know where the fuck you are at any time in case something happens, 100%. Check in with me. Yeah. Um, I think that there's as you shift out of just telling them to guard rails, you help them set guardrails. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:28

And if you don't let them test the skills that you've been trying to teach them in a somewhat safe environment, like this sleepover with a friend that they've had for maybe five or more years, um, is maybe like a test of that, you know, what they've learned and and all that in in real world, like allowing him to go out unsupervised with his two friends for Halloween night, just just to get some of that freedom. Um, it's like a controlled training ground almost. I like that of all the all the things that you've been trying to teach, and yeah, and you know, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 30:12

It's a good thing. I feel like that's you know, at work how I have to guide some employees and be like, hey man, like the optics of what you're doing is X. So like it's hard for me to understand that you have a positive outcome when what I'm seeing is negative. So help me understand how this is a positive outcome. What what are you doing to make me feel good about this? I'm good with you. Wanna stay at your friends? No problem. But I want some things that you know make me know that you're safe. Yeah, that's all I do. I just care about you. I want to know that you're safe. Can you give me a call uh you know at night before you guys go to bed or whatever? Yeah, but make sure I know that. Or if you leave their house because you guys are gonna go somewhere, that's okay. Give me a call, just let me know, just so I know where you're staying.

SPEAKER_02 30:57

These little things count. They might sound silly, but they do fucking count. Um my daughter's 20 and she's still at home, she's in school, she works. It's funny to me that she still does this, but she'll ask every time she wants to do anything. Dad, can I go here and here? Yeah, okay. I'm thinking to myself, well, you're fucking 20 years old. Sure. But yeah, I don't I don't get in the I don't get in the way of her wine to ask me. It's just not to say how I trained her, but how I raised her. For sure, it's way you poured in, man. You know what I'm saying? And it and it feels so fucking good. Last night she went out with a couple of her stud friends, steb friends, and to the bar. Yeah. And I'm like, uh, okay, no doubt. So how are we gonna work this? She's like, well, I'm gonna dad, I'm gonna text you when I'm leaving. I'm gonna text you as soon as um I get to where I'm staying at, and it'll be all good. I'm like, all right, bless. But you know you're going to the bar, so I do a check. I'm like, so what do you gotta look out for? She's like, well, I'm not gonna let anyone buy me my drink. I'm gonna be buying my own drinks. I'm gonna make sure I keep a level headed and I'm gonna look out for my girls. They're good. All right. You know what I'm saying? Like she consciously knows, like, she knows what's up when she's in that environment. She's gonna enjoy herself, but she's gonna be on guard. This is something I I drilled in to them as young women. These are the things you have to look out for in the world, just to be the through the reality of the fact is, you know, people might be out there that want to take advantage of you, want to harm you. You know, be on your Ps and Q's at all times. And she displayed that, and I was just like, aye, no doubt, enjoy yourself. And it was a blessed feeling, you know what I'm saying? I know not she's not just going out there naive and shit. Who's gonna be on her fucking 10 toes and she's gonna make sure she enjoys herself, but everyone gets home safely. She goes into her mother mode too. Like she's like the mother of the group, so when she goes out, she goes into her survival mode of what daddy taught her, and she's looking out for everyone, and everyone knows like uh she's the one that's gonna be like you have to have one of the groups.

SPEAKER_01 33:00

You have to have someone looking out for everyone. Oh, yeah. Because there are naive souls out there, man. There are people just skipping and prancing through life, having the greatest time, but they ain't worried about no fucking danger. Come on now. I don't think you need to swing too far into being worried and paranoid about everything the world's gonna get you, but there are definitely people that need to pick their head up. Come on now, afraid, yeah. Um, and I mean that's part of this, part of this coaching, part of mentoring your kids is also teaching them that there's life isn't just for the puppy dogs rainbows. Come on, now it's good to live that way, be happy, but be aware there's people out there that don't have your best intention 100%. Um, I think that's tough. It's it's a tough thing to to coach.

SPEAKER_00 33:44

But I do think um intuition and that gut feeling will come out just out of instinct. Humans have that instinct. If you're up really high, you get that sinking feeling in your gut, like, ah shit, I shouldn't be up this high because there's danger. It's just like that when you're downtown and you're maybe it's a quiet street and you feel a little off, you know, you're like, okay, maybe I should get back to where some there's more people around. So like your gut instinct as we're just creatures, we're hu humans, we're just animals, basically. We got that gut instinct. And I think um the teaching, what what you've done and taught all these skills to them, plus that instinct that is just natural in the kids is just a super it's like that's that's the super uh power for sure.

SPEAKER_01 34:35

For sure, hell yeah. Um I think closing out this topic, I would say fatherhood never stay in the same. Uh you know, the stage where you control everything eventually ends. Uh, but something stronger can come in and replace it. I think you have a lot of opportunity moving into this mentorship coaching era, um, where you get a lot of self-reflection, where you get a lot of understanding of who you were at that time and what you needed. I think that that's important to reflect on what did I need most at that time? Yeah, how isolated was I? You know, how much coaching did I need to just be aware of things? Um, you know, you're you're creating influence, you're creating trust, you're building respect that grows over time. Dads who recognize this shift and adapt to it are the ones whose voices stay in their children's heads longer, long after the rules are gone. Because in the end, fatherhood isn't about controlling your kids, it's about preparing them to stand on their own. Boys, if this episode resonated with you, come find us on Instagram. Watch our page for the next dad walk. If you want to meet fathers having the same conversations in real life, come on out. If you know a dad entering the teenage years soon, share this episode with him. Boys, we is all we got. Yes, sir.