Episode 33: Mental Health for Dads – When Anxiety & Depression Don’t Look Like Sadness

Episode 33: Mental Health for Dads – When Anxiety & Depression Don’t Look Like Sadness

Dads don’t always look “depressed.”

We show up. We work. We provide. We keep moving.

But what happens when anxiety and depression don’t look like sadness…

 and instead show up as anger, silence, irritability, or constant distraction?

In this episode of The Dad Edit, we break down a reality most fathers quietly live through: mental health struggles that don’t look the way people expect.

Because for many men, it doesn’t look like crying in bed. It looks like shutting down. It looks like snapping at your kids. It looks like staying busy so you never have to slow down.

We get real about:

• How depression and anxiety actually show up in fathers
• Why so many men don’t recognize the signs in themselves
• The connection between emotional exhaustion and anger
• How isolation, stress, and pressure build without being noticed
• Practical ways to start recognizing and addressing what’s going on internally 

This isn’t about weakness.It’s about awareness.

Because if you can’t recognize it… you can’t fix it.

We also talk about the habits that help:

• Building awareness of your emotional signals
• Creating space for reflection (even when it feels uncomfortable)
• Using tools like the gym, journaling, and community
• Why brotherhood and conversations matter more than we think 

If you’re a father feeling “off,” short-tempered, distant, or just not yourself… this episode is for you.

You’re not broken. If you're in the London, Ontario area, join us for our monthly Dad Walk real conversations, no pressure, just dads connecting.

We’re building a community where fathers don’t have to carry everything alone.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Boys, before we jump in, if this podcast has ever helped you think more clearly, respond more calmly, or feel less alone in the quiet parts of fatherhood, hit follow on Spotify or I will. Leave a review if these conversations have helped, sharpen you, not just comfort you. If you're watching on YouTube, like, comment, and subscribe. And if you're a dad in the local London, Ontario area, we host a monthly dad walk where fathers get together. We walk, we talk, we connect. No pressure, no speeches, just real conversations. Watch our Instagram at the dad edit podcast for updates on the next dad edit dad walk. All right, let's get into it. Oh, it's an odd title. Um, when people think about depression, you picture sadness, you picture low energy, you picture over emotions uh or crying, picture withdrawal. But for many men, especially fathers, we don't got time for that. Depression doesn't look like it. Sometimes it looks like anger, sometimes it looks like shutting down, sometimes it looks like working constantly and never slowing down the next project, the next project, the next project. Because many men were taught, never taught how to recognize emotional struggle, struggle in ourselves. And when pressure builds, providing parenting, relationships, expectations, those feelings often come out sideways. In this episode, I want to talk about ways that anxiety and depression show up in us, what we've experienced, why men sometimes struggle to recognize it in themselves, how fathers can start to understand the emotional signals that often go unnoticed. Because if we don't recognize it, we can't deal with it. Male depression often hides behind behavior. Speaking from experience, before fatherhood, I can think back to a time where I was at my darkest. I was having trouble with a situation. I turned to drinking. Drinking turned to fighting for me. So I remember getting flackout drunk, running into a guy that I knew from downtown, and then was like shoving people on the street. I got into a fight with a homeless dude, yelled at him, got in a fight, and then I got choked out by someone pulling me off of him, thrown into a cab, sent home. Well, I look back at that situation all because I was fucking depressed. But it came out in me in substance abuse, in anger, and reckless behavior. Um, I didn't realize that that was depression and anxiety, and it reared its head so hard uh in that moment. And I I I can always think back to that, and now I can put myself in my in my shoes back then and see how dark I was, how bad my thoughts were, and uh, you know, how that could have gone a bad way or a worse way, right? Have you guys noticed that maybe when your mental health shifts, that it's not just sadness, you're not just crying in bed. Um, have you guys seen how your depression or anxiety can come out?

SPEAKER_01 3:40

Uh for myself, it's um it's shutting down. Really uh putting up a mask, just shutting down, not communicating, just going through the motions and just on top of that saying it is what it is, this is the the life I chose. But it's not the life I chose, it's the life I've created, not addressing the underlying issues, right? So for me, it never was really um substance abuse or nothing like that. It was just shutting down, uh putting up a wall. And in turn, that affected the the energy in the house. It affected my girls, my young, my my young girls, it affected my wife. And it was very selfish of me. So yeah, it's for me it was just not communicating, shutting down, just putting the walls up. That's when I um kind of realized that something was wrong, and I I had to like man up and address it. And then having my significant other putting up the flags, like, what's going on here? You're very distant, this and that, like, what's up? You need to talk. And me being stubborn, no not communicating and shit like that, right? So yeah. Uh I know one of my triggers is when I start getting just like start really isolating myself. I know there's something wrong, you know.

SPEAKER_00 5:04

Yeah. Seeing the signs, realizing that there is something to start looking at, right? I think uh a lot of guys do that. They they quiet, they shut down, they go dark, or put up a wall and pretend. Um I know like sometimes, you know, the loudest, funniest guy in the room is putting up that mask and really he's the feeling the worst when he's alone, you know. And uh I know I would personally go and seek out being social and doing things instead of being quiet and being alone and being in the dark. So it it'd be that kind of thing. Like you see a lot of comedians uh there they're the funniest guys, but when when they're off stage, it's another another story.

SPEAKER_02 5:54

Right, just opening up that that front.

SPEAKER_00 5:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:57

So do you think a lot of men struggle without realizing what's happening? Do you think that that's that's common?

SPEAKER_01 6:04

Um they're just smart. Looking at myself, my thought process, I think some are just lazy and don't want to address what's in the room, but they rather just avoid it.

SPEAKER_02 6:16

And it's hard to when you're you're in the midst of it, like you've mentioned before. Um you have to learn. So when you start to go into a mode and it takes your wife being like, what's going on? You're quiet. You're like, fuck. Like I didn't realize. I think I think that we slip into these, and when it's not outright like I don't want to leave bed and like clinical depression, it's it's not as obvious to us. I know for myself that when I'm at home and I'm getting a bit more fucking irritated at things, and I'm I'm starting to get antsy, and I'm I have more anger in me, and little things are setting me off at work. I gotta step back, go, whoa. Like you're in a mode. What's going on? Yeah, what are you sad because you didn't get to play enough video games this week, or you don't feel like you got enough you time, or you know, you're disappointed you didn't get to go out with your wife that weekend. Whatever it is, um I think we have to. I don't, I feel like a lot of us, even us being you know, very self-aware individuals who don't realize when it happens, when it's happening. It we have to become more alert. Yes. Uh to understand the signs, especially if if your depression shows up as you know, irritability, short temperature or temp temper, emotional withdrawal, constant working, low motivation, numbness instead of sadness. You have to realize that these things are happening and what that draws to.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

And that's why I use the word laziness because you you have to put in the work. You know, stop being lazy, put in the work to self-ref self-reflect because it's a lot, man. And it's sometimes it feels embarrassing and like, why am I why do I have to take this time to fucking figure out my feelings? What the fuck? I don't got time for it. Maybe feels in. I'm a man, like, what the hell? I got too much on my shoulders that people are depending on me. I don't got time to fucking self-reflect and analyze. Stop being lazy, bro. Take that time, learn that discipline to know who you are as an individual, know yourself as a father, as a husband, as a friend, as a uh head in the community. Like, take that time. Stop being lazy. Read a fucking book so you can figure out like, when am I at my fucking best? I might be going on a rant, but it's just, I want to take this. When am I at my best? When I'm fucking waking up early praying, when I'm opening up my word, when I'm reading different books about um emotional intelligence, when I'm in the fucking gym, when I'm running, when I'm around the boys going to fucking move, like put in that fucking work so you can know yourself and you can recognize those fucking signs that shit ain't right, bro. And no, this is not okay. And no, this is not the life I chose. This is what you're creating, bro. Stop being lazy.

SPEAKER_02 9:13

And you know, it it's interesting because I feel like we feel like it's selfish to take time for ourselves to to reflect. Like, like you said, I got I got what feels like to me the whole world on my shoulders. I gotta be at work, I gotta be emotionally stable, I need to be there for everyone else. I can't I can't take time to, oh, I'm fucking sad about what bitch. But we can, yeah. Part of part of not letting the world crumble on your shoulders or what we feel like is taking the time to address your fucking issues. To to to being a man isn't no problem. I've I'll check that problem, we'll put that away. It's addressing it, it's addressing it in a mature, structured, logical approach and say, bro, why am I fucked up right now? Because I'm sad because I don't make enough money. Well, fuck it. Let's make some more money. Let's get after it. What do I need to do? Is that where I need more time? How do I make more time? I don't get enough time to myself. Okay, let's logically think about this dickhead. How do you do that? All right, I gotta go to the gym on my lunch break. I have an hour-long lunch, I'm going to go back to the house.

SPEAKER_01 10:23

I respect you big time that you take that little bit of time on your break, my dude, where you can just be like, uh, go have a smoke. No, let me go fuck into the gym. And this is gonna help me fucking analyze myself better because I'm gonna be in a better mental state and shit like that. Like you're doing the footwork, stop being fucking lazy. Yeah, I agree with that.

SPEAKER_02 10:44

I agree with that. So that's so well said. And dude, as if you're listening to this, as a man, you have to take that time and correct these behaviors because it is not acceptable to be highly fucking irritable, to have a short temper, to emotionally withdraw from your family. It is not fair to them. That is a selfish behavior. Sitting down with your partner, with yourself, and saying, Oh, what the fuck's going on? Like, I gotta fix this, I gotta fix myself. That's not selfish, that's not cowardly. Not doing that shit, it's bullshit.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

Yes, man. You have to do them, you have to put it in that word, you have to go through that uncomfortable fucking stage of addressing whatever it is. And boys, I get it. It fucking feels like uh it feels like shit. But if you attack that mountain in front of you and not just try to find a fucking detour route, you go straight at it, you'll be a better fucking individual fitted for it. You'll be a better fucking man, a better father, better husband, whatever the case is. Face it dead on. Stop trying to avoid it. Yeah, for real.

SPEAKER_02 11:53

I just kind of we well a bit of an orator. I liked that though. Oh do you think that men, do you think we sometimes mistake emotional exhaustion for anger? I know for myself, um, in some of my reflections, we're all we're males, we're aggressive by nature. I feel like when I'm tapped out in my emotions, you know, whether it's work, but I've been switched on, I gotta be mentally fucking ready for everything. I come home and anger comes out. I'm not realizing in the moment that it's because I'm emotionally and exhausted. Yeah. So when I come home, rather than giving my kid fucking, all right, check work, let's go. Like, what up, buddy? Let's go. Yeah. Oh, why are you doing that? And I get I get upset. Anger comes out when you're exhausted. But you have to have that reflection. You have to have whether it's your partner or yourself, to be like, okay, what do you like? Let's put that aside for now. Let's deal with it when he goes down for a nap and figure out why this is happening. Do you feel we're missing that we're emotionally exhausted?

SPEAKER_00 13:10

Yeah, maybe you were never taught how to put the words to how you're feeling. Like maybe you weren't shown the tools that you need to deal with all that stuff. Like Ryan said, um, how books, audiobooks, if you can't, if you're not a quick reader, like they do really, they they trigger something, they get you thinking. Even if you try one out of 100 of these tools or or tricks, like that might be what helps you.

SPEAKER_02 13:37

Audiobooks are great. I'm a fucking slow reader. Yeah. By the time I finish one page and on to the next one, I forgot the previous one. So if y'all are like me where you don't want to allocate the time, that commute to work 15, 20 minutes. I put on audiobooks, I've gone through several books now. I think that's a brilliant way to do it.

SPEAKER_00 13:57

Yeah, absolutely. And learn learn the tools if you don't have them. Um, and you might be able to label these feelings that you're having or not. I don't know, but give it a shot. Yeah. Trying something is better than just stewing and feeling like shit all the time. Like do it for yourself, but do it for everybody around you as well. Um it feels better, man. And you won't die as young, right? All the stress in the we only have a few years on this planet, yeah, and uh you want to enjoy some of them, don't you?

SPEAKER_01 14:29

Yeah, for real, for real. And if you're that type of guy that's out there that's not big on like family, there's people that you know are raised a different way, don't have the anties and uncles, they don't have the cousins, they don't even have that great relationship with the co-workers or whatever they feel like the outcasts in their adult years. Big man, you have to your lifeline, you gotta put yourself out there. You know what I'm saying? Like, like I tell my uh my daughter, my middle daughter Ayana, like she's in university. She's not really finding like that clique or that group that is working for her, but she's putting herself out there by going to like uh pep rallies and going to like uh like clubs and stuff. Like she's putting herself out there to see. She she goes to like women-only nights of painting and and wine, and she's meeting different age groups and different people. She's putting herself out there. So sometimes as men, if we don't have that automatic support system, you gotta kind of put yourself out. I gotta find that community. You gotta step out in faith, you know what I'm saying? There's nothing that's put in frame of you that you can't get through. Sometimes the tools out there, but you just have to put yourself out there. This is what we're trying to build here with the dad edit, right? We're trying to build that that that community, that uh emotional, intelligent community where we can support each other and things, you know what I'm saying? So sometimes it feels uncomfortable, but you have to learn that, you know, you gotta get through that uncomfort to to find what you need to get the tools that you need to be a better person.

SPEAKER_00 16:00

Nobody's coming to save you. You gotta put in a little effort and it'll pay off. Once you plant that garden, it'll grow and you'll brother. But I agree, like just like your daughter's doing, she's going out trying different things. Like, um, I 100% you're creating luck and chance doesn't just happen. Um, you have a better opportunity of running into like, let's say you're single and you're looking for the person, you're never gonna find it by sitting at home alone. Yeah, like you've gotta stop by the bookstore, stop by the the gym, stop by the hardware store, go out and sit and drink your coffee in public or go for a walk in the park. I don't know. You got you you're much more likely to create chance and create something for yourself that's positive if you attempt anything. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 16:55

Uh hell it's time. You have to you have to build community, you have to have someone. It's good to have self-reflection when we're we're talking about when we're in a negative space, but you know, one of the best things that you said is your your wife says, Hey, what's going on? Yeah, my wife. My girl says, Hey, you seem off. Like you're what's how could I help with anything? You know, having someone, whether it's the boys around you, is so important so that you can do that self-reflection. You can't do it alone. You have to go out, meet people, create the opportunity. I think what's what's difficult, what adds to this depression and feeling isolated is we feel falsely connected with everyone because Instagram, Facebook, texting, you have arguably the most uh connection to people, the most ability to connect with people, but nothing's in person or feels disingenuated. Even when we text, like it's hard to get emotion through the text. Once in a while, like it's we have a good just like I went to box it, and we're like, fuck yeah, bro. That's sick. And you get that, but it's hard to read emotion through text, but we feel like we're connected. No text ever compares to what we sit down and do right now, yeah. You know what I mean? So you have to find community, yeah. And I just want to reiterate what Ryan was saying. That is what we're trying to do here. These dad walks, man. Come out to a dad walk. You don't gotta say nothing. I don't, oh you, I don't have to care about what you're going through. Just the fact that you're showing up is important, man. And we're just three strangers, we don't gotta be, we won't be for long. If you've been listening, we're probably on the same page. Just come out, come out to a dad walk. Like you are not alone, bro. Take the time. We it's a half hour, an hour. You cut out early, just show up and go home, whatever you want. But just understand that there is a community of dudes out there that don't give a fuck. There's no judgment.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

It's that's I'm gonna throw this in here because this is why I love doing what we're doing, and with the idea of uh reach people that need that sense of community. I have uh uh a guy out, one of my employees, that is going through a tough time right now. Like he lost his brother, his older brother. And like as a man, you know, I seen that great guy at work, does what he has to do. He's not super, super positive, but he comes in with a good attitude, ready to work, do his thing. And I just sensed he was off, right? Like I I knew about his his brothers passing by, and I just sensed that things were off for him. And then um one day I just found him in the in the locker room. I went to go take the league, and he was he was sobbing in the locker room, bro. He and I'm like, yo, bro, everything's okay. And he's like, man, it's hard right now. Like, I'm going through it. I don't have that person that I can just unload on about just family and everything. I'm like, yo, bro, you know what? Take my number. You know what I'm saying? I'm there for you. I know I'm your boss and everything, but if you just need to hug outside of work, just talk, you know, unleash, vent, yo, I got your back. I'm like, yo, we have this thing. I know I posted it in the in the lunchroom every now and then. We have this thing when we we go out, we call it the dad walk, bro. You're more than fucking welcome to come out. And there's no big expectation, but it's just fathers being fathers in the nate in nature, getting fresh air to support each other.

SPEAKER_02 20:29

It's fun, man. It's it's it's we don't do nothing. Go for a walk. It is so liberating, bro.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

It's liberating, and like the nice conversations come out of it, ideas come out of it, like you know, so I just presented that to him, and it was just like the way he received it, it made me feel so great. Like, yo, I might be able to save somebody from a dark, spiraling type of path just by community and brotherhood.

SPEAKER_00 20:57

Yeah, you know what I'm saying? That's shoulder time for guys like you don't need to sit and and have a really deep, deep conversation, even just having a brother walk beside you, dog feeling that support.

SPEAKER_01 21:11

Yeah, that's all.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

That's it. Like the shoulder time, man.

SPEAKER_01 21:14

Gone are the days of girl night at nights out and girls having their yo, we need that community too, bro. As men, yeah, we need it.

SPEAKER_02 21:21

Yeah, it's good. Do you think part of this whole problem is that you know, culturally, we look at emotional suppression as strength. You know, you're a strong man because you don't let anything shake you. 100% because you don't present it. And I feel like that's so detrimental. I think that, like I said earlier, your strength comes from objectively looking at why you feel like shit. You don't have to, I don't believe you need to be fuck, and even then it depends on the situation. I was gonna say, you don't have to be so. There at a ball crying, but that shit's okay too. Yeah, as long as you can step out and say, What's going on? Be okay with it. If I lost a family member, bro, that is okay that I'm in my fucking emotions. But reach out to someone, be smart. Yes, Andy. Yeah, okay to say I'm not okay, right? Yeah, man. Um, but I think culturally that's that's been part of the problem, is that you know, we get our ups from going through fucking traumatic shit and be like, bro, you you only seem like it's phasing you. Good job.

SPEAKER_01 22:35

That's sick, dude. Yeah, yeah. You want to lean away from that for sure. Yeah, but I I feel as society evolves, like that caveman mentality of how we were raised, well, myself at least, of the man just taking care of everything and not giving a fuck about his emotional intelligence. It's like it's changing, right? Um, I'm I'm cutting that out in in my household. Like we have a greater consciousness of mental health, which wasn't there like 20 years ago. As we evolve it as a society, it's allowing us as men to understand these emotions that we're having and allowing us a place to address these emotions and not being shunned for it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, bro.

SPEAKER_02 23:23

Yeah, yeah. Learning uh uh to recognize emotional signals early is of the utmost importance. If you don't have that tool, man, I highly recommend looking into ways to uh uh to develop it. Damn it. What do you guys feel like dad's actually or what do you feel like we should be watching for in ourselves? How do we create those triggers? How do we acknowledge that?

SPEAKER_01 23:53

If it's not gonna be outer, pay attention to the if it's not gonna be inner, be very conscious of paying attention to your outer surroundings, how your family's reacting to you when you come home or the conversations that come up within the household, those can be triggers for that you're not in a good space, and all like wife asking you is everything okay, the kids not wanting to bother you and because the daddy's feeling a certain way. You know, just pay attention to your outs your your surroundings of even at work. No, um you might hear employees like the other day, uh my co um uh co-worker leader was like, You good? Yeah, I'm good. He's like, Yeah, but you made a comment today, like, oh, Arya feels off. Why is he so like like just pay attention to your surroundings and then that gives you a chance to check yourself? Okay, it's okay to have these feelings. You're not an expert. What's not okay is addressing those negative feelings. If it's negative, you have to address them, bro. You know, and that's where the laziness side, like, stop being lazy, bro. Like, don't avoid it. You have to face it head on, and then you have to seek the tools to move forward. And I feel like today's society man is becoming less fearful of figuring it out and not being judged by outward things, right?

SPEAKER_00 25:22

Like, don't you want to level up and don't you want to feel good and be somebody that other people want to be a bit uh around and that look up to you, that kind of thing, right?

SPEAKER_02 25:34

And recognizing that emotional state is so important. What what I've had to learn is especially because mine comes out so much in irritability and and anger, um, is I've I've referenced this before. I think we did an episode on anger. Um, I was at work and I go to piss, was saying that you're not like it's just like had a realization by who I'm in a bad fucking mood. Like I am pissy today. Okay, that's what we're in today. Fuck. Okay. As long as I'm I'm I'm recognizing maybe in the moment I don't have time. I'm at work. I know that I need to limit my interactions because I'm being a dickhead for no reason. Once I'm out of work, when I'm driving home, I go, the fuck happened today. Why was I like that? What's going on? I like that. You're taking the time to evaluate. It has to happen. Identify the problem. Identify that you're not talking as much at home, but you've gone quiet. I do that shit at work all the time. And I cloud it with you know a lie that I tell myself when someone's like, Oh, you seem off. No, I'm just in the zone. There's a difference, there's like flow state, and then there's like I'm pissy, and I'm just not fucking talking because I don't want to bite anyone. Yeah, you have to recognize those feelings when you slip into it, and then not being lazy when you can circle back and address it. Yeah, oh fuck, why was I doing that today? And we're not saying that the problem's fixed right away, nope, but just realizing, yeah, and then putting in the work, and if it's genuinely, you know, depress depression or anxiety, like it will take time. Yeah, it's a state. And usually I would argue that men allow it to get to the worst, one of the worst possible states that it can be in before it's addressed. It takes us a long time until it's like the straw that broke the camel's back, and I have a fucking crash out at home, and someone punches a hole through a wall or does some crazy shit. Now you're like, fuck, yeah, I have to deal with this. You've created a problem. It's hard for us to get there, but it you have to recognize it early and start to say, All right, this is this is the mode of man. Yeah, I gotta let some people know. Hey boys, like today I'm feeling off, I'm dealing with some shit. I just need you guys to know I'll be on fucking edge. Or talk to your partner when you get home and be like, what a fucking day. Like this, that, and the other thing happened. I'm sorry if I'm off today. Yeah, you know, I've I'm going through it, and and sometimes there is a very far underlying issue that you gotta handle, or it's surface low. Yeah, but the recognition and not being lazy, I really like that that term of not being lazy. I think that's key. Do you think that there's habits we can um implement to help prevent emotional burnout?

SPEAKER_01 28:31

Journaling, yeah, writing down your emotions, right? Why you're feeling like what the situation is and why you're feeling journaling would be key.

SPEAKER_02 28:41

Why does that feel so uncomfortable to do? I know writing it out is probably gonna help me. I can't for the life of me put pen to paper.

SPEAKER_01 28:50

It's a life for my time on this earth and my understanding, I reflect journaling to fucking writing in a diary. I'm not a fucking female, yeah, fucking man. I don't need to write my shit down. I'm not a girl in high school talking about her crush. That's what I associate journaling with, and I culture time to get past that. That this is therapeutic, bro. This is when you can write down your investigation of self, write down certain things, and then maybe reflect back to it in a day or two. Okay, I noticed that this and this and this happens when I'm fucking feeling off, you know, and then uh not being lazy and then seeking the tools and then still writing it down. I tried this, kind of helped out, but didn't work out. This and that. Like journaling is is a key thing that I'm trying to learn how to implement.

SPEAKER_00 29:42

It's a conscious action, and and maybe that could be the hang of it's like you're putting the secret down in a permanent kind of way.

SPEAKER_02 29:55

It'd be so cool. Like I being a data-driven person, I would love to be able to go. I would hate to do it for a year every day, but I would love to go back and look at a year of writing. What were your thoughts? And like take myself back to like, oh man, January and last time, when I was just about to have Lincoln, what was I going through? What was that emotion like? What was I thinking? Part of this podcast uh for me is is journaling out loud. It's it's you know, I want to go back in two years and listen to what I expected teenhood to be like, or expected toddlerhood to be like, or expected me to discipline him, or you know, is there an episode that comes out that says, Boys, I yelled at my kid for the first time? Is that what made me feel? That's what this becomes for me. Um, I love the data side of it, the self-reflection of going back and looking at all that is so cool. But I s I still have the hang up of man, but I gotta write down my emotions with anything else.

SPEAKER_01 30:55

It just takes fucking discipline. You going to the gym at fucking lunch? Yeah, it fucking bro, this sucks. But I bet you six months from now, bro, this fucking sucks. Like you flexing in them, like you put in the put in the work, yeah, you know, put in the fucking work, and that's what you have to put in front of yourself. Fuck, this is so boring.

SPEAKER_00 31:17

But these are all tools too. Like the gym is a good outlet to to boost some of those chemicals in you that'll make you feel good, and you may walk away after exhausted, which you should, but you maybe you burned off some of that anxious energy, that anger, that whatever. You've written down what you've once you write, finish your paragraph of how you're feeling, you can say, okay, boom, done to close the book. That's done and off your shoulders. You rolled it down, now it's over there, and you've you've got it out. If you want to go back and read it, sure. But it that's done and over. You can um, yeah, you use those tools. Go out in the nature and you know, reconnect with the world and who we are, we're just you know walking around this earth as going for a walk is you know, just such a good habit.

SPEAKER_01 32:06

That's a meditation type thing, maybe he listening to the birds, like they're just you know, doing their thing, like these are all tools, and it just becomes easier after time, and then you can reflect on, you know, like you said, going back afterwards, but you get that discipline at first, it's boring, it is what it is, and but after a while you stick with it, and then you start seeing the benefits from it.

SPEAKER_02 32:29

And that's this and the the purpose of this question, right, is what habits can we uh do to help prevent this emotional burnout? And I think it's what I like about what you guys have both said about the journaling side is you put your thoughts to paper, at least you get that expression of emotion out, and you can go back and look at it, go, what the fuck was I talking about? Like, why why was I so angry? This is such a simple thing. Um, you know, ship I do that at work when I'm talking through ideas and and uh brainstorming and in my head. If I was just left to my devices, this is the greatest idea of the world. I'm gonna fucking cure cancer. That's as soon as I start speaking it out loud. I'm like, that's ridiculous. What am I talking about? I'm smoking crack, right? Like writing it down is so beneficial in that way. It and you know, all of these are habits, you know. Going to the gym helps prevent emotional burnout. It is arguably one of the best antidepressants you can do, take is go to the gym. Now, that doesn't mean that you don't need medication to get yourself off the couch and out of the house and into the gym, but the gym is proven scientifically to be one of the best antidepressants out there. Move your body, do strength training. It is so fucking beneficial. Amazing. And for me, picking up momentum, be I haven't been in the gym for a while. I've gone back, I'm going at lunch. The first two weeks, I didn't want to go, I don't want to go back to work after. It takes me more time to get ready, go to the gym, drop my shit, change, then finish my workout, go all my transportation. Takes longer than my workouts. My workouts are 15, 20 minutes. Yeah, it takes me longer out of my lunch break. The only time I get during the day to myself at work takes more time doing the activity than the actual activity. But I fucking love it now, and I feel I feel I don't like the weekends because I don't go to the gym on my lunch break. The weekends are just my time, but I feel like I'm missing out now. That's the habit that's created, and it's helped me out so much mentally.

SPEAKER_01 34:46

Yeah, man. Figuring out a hobby too. What do you enjoy, brother? Yeah, and making it a hobby. Like, you love fucking barbecuing up fucking ribs. Let's go. Boys, we've seen a sick community of them. Find that there you go. Find that community turn into a hobby. Some put something positive in front of it, man. Not everything has to be so negative. Life holds you down sometimes, but you fight back with positivity, you know what I'm saying, and structure in a positive way to to um to fight those dark battles, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 35:17

Yeah, man. We've talked so many times about you know positive behaviors and and and when we were all doing the Muay Thai thing and I was running, like, how quickly one habit, another habit, small little changes compound out and relieve pressure. Right? So quickly did I we went to Muay Thai a couple times just on a Friday. Then I wanted to start running so I could up my cardio for our Friday session. Then I wanted to, you know, I want to hydrate more because I'm sweating like a pig. Uh then I'm taking these sodium hydration packs to help me, and those made me feel great. I wanted to get good night's sleep. I wanted to start to eat better, I want to start to work out at the gym, not to get buff or strong, but to be more conditioned for muy thai. This one change, this one thing that we did one hour every Friday rippled into this like massive brick of change. And at the time I had lost 40 pounds, I was getting in shape, I was feeling good. At the end of our sessions, like I felt high, like I felt so up. We brought Ryan in. Ryan was like influencing people in the gym, just the energy you brought. Like, we became a force in that gym. We were the podcast guys, we were like people liked us going. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:37

In the few weeks we were there. Yeah, it brought that that um it brought that positive. I'm ready to conquer shit. My boys with me too. So let's let's let's get this going. What's next? Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_00 36:50

What's next is you guys are gonna teach me how to lift weight up. You build that muscle. That's that ripple effect. I started doing one thing. Oh, I'm out of breath. I'm seeing stars because I just did 350 uh push-ups or whatever that forced us to do there, and I want to do better. So, but first I need to go back to the gym and build some muscle. And I'm looking at you guys, you I never wanted to lift weights before, but now I do because I because I have a goal in mind with there's a purpose to the building that muscle towards that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_02 37:23

Yeah, which is so sick, man. It is crazy how little changes called Common Highlands so so hard. What was uh the the um something of good habits was a book you were reading.

SPEAKER_00 37:35

Oh yeah, atom of habits, that's what it was one percent, move the needle, just one percent each day. If you initially you'll get to yeah, do that, do that, move the needle just a little, little if you're into music, write one lyric per day, just do it on your phone, whatever. Eventually you'll have a full song or art, whatever. If you want to learn how to paint, just do something, sit down and just start. And even if it's shit in a hundred days from now, it'll be good.

SPEAKER_01 38:03

Hell yeah. Strapping those fucking skills. That's it.

SPEAKER_00 38:06

Yeah, if you're into woodworking, make a cutting board, man. I'll I'll take the cutting board. I need a new cutting board. So I'll support your craft and it's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a sad.

SPEAKER_02 38:17

I think it's it's it's important. Things like what we do right now. The the rule of conversations with other men is super important. And it doesn't have to be, y'all don't need to get in your feels, but it will come out, right? Not every conversation has to be a fucking podcast. You just have some chats, see that someone else is in the same mode. You can get the energy. You can it's hard being around you guys when you guys are feeling up to not be like, shit, I gotta catch up, I gotta get my energy up. I gotta okay, let's go to the gym. And when I'm up, I know that you guys want to hell yeah. Like it is such a it's give and take, man. It's amazing. Uh, you know, it it is important for you, the listener. Doesn't have to be the data community, and doesn't have to be the dad wap, but fine bros in your life doing whatever they're doing to just talk to, to it doesn't have to be deep, like Jeff said. Just have masculine conversation.

SPEAKER_01 39:19

Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_02 39:19

It's impactful, man.

SPEAKER_01 39:21

As you grow older, I really feel it's it's it's like a lifeline to find that that sense of belonging that you had when you're in high school as an adult, too. Surround yourself with self-minded people, and it just it it becomes a lifeline for real, you know. Like not every conversation, like you said, is gonna be deep, but it sets the stage for those deep conversations, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:44

Yeah, and and have some novelty to your life by trying new things and doing new things. Like, I wanted to do scuba diving. I didn't know if I could do it. I went to the pool there, like they had a two and a half hour session where you can try it, and it's like, oh fuck, this is this is super cool.

SPEAKER_02 40:01

I've never gone by, but you put yourself out there, but you still have out there, and there's a community out there, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:07

You never know, like what you might stumble block, right?

SPEAKER_02 40:10

Hell yeah. Yeah, don't limit yourself, man. I know that there's there's rock climbing, there's fucking boxing, there's kickboxing. Cars, there's cars, yeah. Cars, a huge community.

SPEAKER_01 40:20

Um, just get out there, show interest. Find what suits you too. Yeah, if you're a Pokemon, oh Pokemon comes you want to rip cards. There's a community out there for you too, man. Like, you don't have to fully change self to fit in. Find what works, put in put in some work to find what works. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 40:41

So, to close this out, a reflection that I have is for many fathers, the hardest part of emotional struggle is recognizing it because it doesn't always look like sadness. Sometimes it looks like frustration, it looks like distance, it looks like working harder and harder just to avoid slowing down. But awareness changes things. When fathers understand their own emotional signals, they gain the ability to respond differently. Yes, and that doesn't just help them, it helps their families too. Boys, if this episode resonated with you, come find us on Instagram at the datapodcast. If you are someone who needs to reach out, always reach out to us. I answer all DMs. If you're having an issue, fucking contact us. I'm okay with that. Watch our page for our next dad walk. If you're in the London area and you want to connect with other fathers, having real conversations in person, um, come on out. If you know a dad who might need to hear this conversation, share this episode with him. Boys, we have all we got. Thank you.