Episode 34: Raising Boys for Dads - Navigating the Manosphere

Episode 34: Raising Boys for Dads - Navigating the Manosphere

What does it mean to raise a boy in today’s world?

Dads today aren’t just raising sons they’re raising boys in the middle of a digital storm. Social media is louder than ever. Influencers are shaping what “being a man” looks like. Somewhere in that noise, young boys are trying to figure out who they’re supposed to become.

In this episode of The Dad Edit, we tackle a heavy but necessary topic: the manosphere what it is, why it’s growing, and how it’s influencing the next generation of men. 

We get real about:

• Why boys are drawn to online masculinity influencers
• The difference between confidence, discipline, and toxic masculinity
• How social media algorithms quietly shape your son’s beliefs
• The danger of confusing dominance with strength
• What healthy masculinity actually looks like in real life
• How to stay present and guide your son without pushing him away

This isn’t about fear.It’s about awareness.

Because the truth is if you’re not helping shape your son’s definition of manhood… something else will.

We talk about the role of fathers, mentorship, and why presence beats any influencer online every single time. 

If you’re raising a boy (or about to), this conversation matters.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:11

Hey, welcome to episode thirty-four of the Dad Edit Podcast. This episode is about raising boys for dads, navigating the manosphere. Um, when I was looking at topics to talk about, this is a bit of a different one. This um manosphere word has come up. And let me just actually, I should probably address the uh elephant in the room here. This is a bit of a different format for us.

SPEAKER_00 0:43

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Usually we're at Jeff's place and we we sit down, we do our recordings, but you know, dad life is dad life, and uh none of our schedules have been lining up the last fuck three, four weeks, I think now. Yeah, um, so here we are trying to zoom call. So who knows? Maybe we're proving out a new format, maybe this is the new way. Um, it's good because you you know, if you're listening, we're also interested in eventually doing a um interview style segment in our podcast, and I feel like this will be a way to uh lead into that to test the waters, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:25

Yeah, yeah. We'll have uh a bit of a a playlist on YouTube for that kind of thing with uh local dads and uh some heroes of ours that we know personally, maybe. Yeah, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

Maybe some of them barbecue boys, maybe speak from the university.

SPEAKER_02 1:43

Give all the shadows, give all the shadows. Who knows?

SPEAKER_01 1:46

For real. I'm gonna be sick. I think it would be really cool to sit down with some folks and get some more perspectives, um, see what other people are going through, get some uh experience, you know, for me, ask some questions. Uh, I mean, that's the whole point of this podcast is me asking you and Jeff uh questions because I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

SPEAKER_02 2:07

Oh I know.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Um, so that kind of lines up with today's uh episode here. This manosphere. I don't know if you guys are familiar with the phrase. I think it's like a new um, I think it's kind of like red pill or it's like toxic masculinity. It's the new version of that. Um, and when I look it up, it's handy having this pewter right here. Uh, it's like websites and blogs where men express opinions about issues concerning contemporary masculinity and male relationships with women, especially those associated with views that are more hostile towards feminism and women's rights. Um, I think we could all think of several uh creators over the last four or five years that kind of fit that bucket. Um, but it's very uh predominant online. You see, I see content, maybe it's just because it's what I'm fucking taking in of you know heavy, masculine focused individuals maybe leaning a bit too far into the like negativity and resentment towards women. Um and you know, Jeff, you've got a teen uh who's very involved in online culture, right? Um, and I'm navigating a soon-to-be boy growing up here. Uh it's an interesting time, man. Um, I think you listened to the podcast, The Art of Manliness, right?

SPEAKER_00 3:34

Yeah, I loved it. Um, for a long time. Brett, I believe Brett McKay. Um, excellent format, uh, a lot of great guests that he has on, some great topics everywhere. From uh he'll have um some ex-military folk on there all the way to uh expert on laundry. I learned so much on how to make laundry difference. So bro, that's just important. It is, and then so that's the wide range of topics on there, and I I really liked it.

SPEAKER_01 4:08

Um well that's yeah, I think that's like uh you know, when I was uh maybe 26, this ties into this topic about you know young men being easily influenced by social media, by the way that uh manhood is presented online and what masculinity is, and it's it's being defined by certain individuals. I know at 26, I remember looking online, like, what the fuck does it mean to be manly? Like, what what is what is a man? I grew up without a father figure in my life, nothing that really stood out. Um, and uh the art of manliness used to have a blog, it was before the podcast time, they just had like an online thing where you could go and you could see like um male, male fashion advice, male this, and and targeted towards men. And I was heavily into that, so I could only imagine if you know the the the luxury lifestyle living Andrew Tate of you know 2015, 2014, 2013 were around, if I would have been influenced by that. I don't think that I necessarily buy into that shit, um, but you could see why people would be, right? Especially if you're you're a teen, you don't have a father figure in house, um, how that could be an influence. Um have you noticed anything with your son Jeff with this manus manosphere movement? Does he uh take in any content like that that you know of?

SPEAKER_00 5:42

Uh no, I think um at his age, all the kids around him are pretty level-headed, really good kids so far that I've seen, at least in his bubble. Um just everybody's, you know, if uh you can't use you know words that we may have grown up with, um, because that's just not okay anymore. Like you there's there's no bullying in that group. There's everybody's included. Um guys and girls are all equal on the same plane, like best friends, teamwork. Everybody's pretty level. Uh that I've seen at least. Maybe we've got a lucky little group here, but I think uh I don't know if that toxicity is is really getting to them at that age. Maybe that's fair, maybe more in high school. I I don't know. We'll see. I'll keep you posted.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

But I mean, I went through I a shit. I probably went through the biggest phase of it after high school. You know, I was just trying to fit in socially in high school, and then it wasn't until I was out of high school, I went through the military, I was back in civilian world, and I was like working at the bar downtown, you know, feeling like I'm not paying my bills, um, eating fucking baloney sandwiches every day. Like, you know, men to me at the time were yeah, but you know, I thought I should have a house, I should have a career, I should be on my career path, I should be, I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. And I could see how maybe online presences affect more like a early 20-year-old male. And I think that that's maybe the the audience that they're targeting. I mean, shit, we've talked about it before. I was I was a pretty insecure guy at that age. Um, and I think I would have been very drawn to online male influencers, uh, specifically about you know the confidence that they portray, the strength that they portray, um, and the direction of what they're presenting their life to be, right? So, what do you think that this has been successful for them? What do you guys think? You know, uh, I don't know if you have seen Andrew Tate uh when he was popular. Um what do you think the draw is to that? That bravado uh influencer that I'm the fucking man and what I say goes, yada yada yada. Why was it it was fucking banging popular not long ago?

SPEAKER_00 8:18

I wonder if you know uh there's the whole pendulum effect that if it the pendulum just kept going a little too far, and and then now you found yourself at the complete opposite extreme, the two extremes, like you you want to have an even balance of everybody's um side on any issue, and if the if it swings too far, then you get the toxic part, I guess. Maybe that's it. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 8:46

Yeah, I mean if like thinking about that before his time, you know, not to knock any aspect of anyone's life, but we were really into the like all-inclusive, everyone can be whatever they want to be, be nice to everyone.

SPEAKER_03 9:03

Everyone's a winner, everyone, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:05

And then I think maybe the the answer that to that was redefining um what a male was and masculinity and excluding people for reasons. I mean, I I think that they did an excellent job at marketing and social media. I think that they they did things to be viral. Um, I think that there was positive messaging and negative messaging in there. I you know, I'm not against um males should be strong individuals. I think that you should be um strong in all aspects of your life. I think uh and I think that that's some of what they represented. Um yeah, that's that's kind of I think that there is a loss of masculinity a little bit. What do you guys think?

SPEAKER_00 10:04

Yeah, like if you you know, you some people aren't feeling masculine enough, some people are feeling too like too masculine. I don't know. It's that pendulum again. You want to find that balance where where everything works out. I don't know how to explain, but like as as the the male in the house, you wanna you know lead with uh confidence and you want your family to um have faith in in your judgment based on I don't know certain things like say say I'm driving down the highway, a lot of uh dangerous drivers, uh the you want them to feel confident and comfortable that you've got them, you'll keep them safe, you'll you'll weigh the risks of the current situation, for example, and if you need to pull off to the side or or fall back a little bit, you you'll do so depending on uh how everybody else is driving. I don't know, as an example.

SPEAKER_01 11:11

You won't I get you. I gotta watch, I gotta watch me fucking cussing in my goddamn car while I'm driving. I got my boy in the back because he's very soon coming up on being able to repeat that stuff, but I'm gonna get myself into trouble.

SPEAKER_00 11:23

Oh man. For sure. Oh my I I accidentally score in front of my uh my niece, and she I didn't realize she was standing right behind me. She I thought she was in a whole nother room, and then it just came out, and then she like repeated. I was like, then I got in trouble. Oh yeah, I'm uh I gotta watch my mouth, definitely. Um yeah. The car is the worst for it though, but for example, uh, you want them to have the confidence in you to be able to handle that and lead that situation or any situation like that, with um as a leader would maybe, or you guys at work because you have leadership, you want them to your your guys to follow, um not follow, but like you know, have confidence in you leading them um without you know yelling and being an aggressive kind of boss or leader. I don't know. I'm right.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

I think that there's there's there's um it's I think that there's a fine line, and I think that um being a male, it's important to learn where that line is. And I think that having fathers in your life and having men in your life helped teach you where that line of aggression um goes overboard, um you know, because otherwise, someone shit like myself, I had to learn out in the world where aggression started to go into toxicity, where it wasn't okay. Um, I think that as males for the most part, we have uh to find proper outlets for our energy, that that male masculine energy, whether it's you know, going to the gym, creating something, leading, um, going to do fucking Muay Thai or boxing and just getting some of that out, right? Like there's something um so relaxing about like sparring. And like when we were just we're throwing punches and exchanging combos and and blocking, and you're you're dodging, and like there's just something so relaxing.

SPEAKER_00 13:37

Oh, yeah, it's and it's fun. And and Andy uh knees me in the rib, and it I have a bruise. I go home and tell my girl, and then she texts his girl, and he gets in trouble for her. You gotta get in trouble for her, little child. Oh no, but um, like you mentioned, yeah, like those outlets are really good, um, really important, healthy though. You gotta have the healthy ones, and and those outlets, what you can when you can do those with um like-minded good people like you and Ryan. And that's a great thing. Like those those guys at the boxing gym, they know how to fight, but they're the nicest damn guys I've met in a long, long time. Great people, very encouraging, want to see you do well. Um, it's it's like that.

SPEAKER_03 14:27

Um it's wild you you you mentioned that, right? About the um having a safe space just to if you have to get some aggression out and everything like that. I was at work today, and this um one of my employees came up to me and he was just telling me about how he was following something on YouTube. Um places in Thailand where you you you get this safe space there. It might be like soundproof or whatever. It might be stage with a couple of things. They'll give you like a sledgehammer. You can just go in there and get some aggression out, scream if you want, get it all out, and it's all good, right? They give you a space where you can do that, right? So sometimes you go to the point where you know a lot gets a lot, you just want to, you know, you just wanna so if it's like screaming, yelling it out, crying, breaking down, whatever the case is, you just want to have that say space where you can do that. So that's pretty cool that you're gonna on that topic. And Homebe was talking to me about that today.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

I think it makes sense. I think that I think that our energy is expelled physically. Yeah, um, I don't think that you know it is therapeutic to talk things through and to get our emotions out and and and to speak things into existence so that our logical brain then can assess what we're dealing with. But there's a lot of just pent up fucking energy that we need to expel um in different ways.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

Maybe that's why, like uh metal music, for example, really heavy hardcore music.

SPEAKER_02 15:50

Andy was just asking me for what was the name you called it. You wanted some what was you said a specific name, the type of music. Screamo something say it again. Screamo screamo, that's dope. As hell, I saw that. I was like, what is Screamo?

SPEAKER_01 16:06

Oh, did you listen to him? Scarlord, he's he does this like aggressive rap style, he's from the UK, it's just sick. He's like, I think he's like anime influenced. It's just like I just go fucking ham in the gym when he's on there, man. That's the Jeff turned me onto uh the chariot. Oh, you I just wanted to start fucking moshing right there in the squat rack, and that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00 16:30

But if you see that video that I sent you of the chariot, yeah, it's just a room full of males in with like-minded individuals just rocking out, thrashing a little bit in an in a fairly controlled well, that was out of control, those guys. That's an extreme example. Like, it's everybody knows they're going to this show to to burn off some energy, and then when you leave, you know, you feel great, you laugh with your buddies, you go get pizza, whatever. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 17:03

I feel like that shows like that, that kind of energy is so hard for me to comprehend because like folks, I mean, folks go there to like fuck people up, but it's not it's not in the same sense of like going out to fight, like they go there and they know that they're they're gonna whip their fists around and someone's gonna get hurt and I'm gonna hurt someone, but it's not like you're not going out to like cause damage, you know.

SPEAKER_03 17:28

It's a relevant there though, because if we ever's doing the same thing, like we're talking about mushing, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got some guys out once again, some guys at work. Um, my boy, shout out to Sean Winter. He's like in his 50s, but he's die hard, like heavy, heavy, heavy metal type shit. And he was explaining to me once again, like it's a brotherhood with that mosh. You know, people might get bounced back, whatever people might fall over, but you're picking them up and shit like that, and like you're getting your shit out, getting your version out, man. Wild though. Oh, it's great.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

We'll we'll get to uh to a mosh. Have you ever moshed before, Ryan?

SPEAKER_03 18:06

I have never moshhed before, my own. Let's go. Let's go. Boys night on Indy.

SPEAKER_01 18:12

Oh man, I like that. So, what part of this conversation do you guys think um is helpful for masculinity? What parts are harmful for masculinity when when you're talking about your boy and you see what's out there in social media and what can be digested? Um there's good and bad. Uh from what you've seen, what what would you like him to kind of subscribe to and what would you like him to stay away from if you have control?

SPEAKER_00 18:45

Of course, um, there's gonna be all sorts of opinions and and extremes on the internet, and you really gotta choose like what you're in taking because what you consume becomes who you are, and if you're consuming hate all day long online, then you're gonna start feeling kind of funny in your brain in real life, kind of thing. But um, you know, the things hit him and his group are interested in aren't that extreme far side of things, which is good. So um just make sure you you're not I don't know. I think goes back to we had a conversation about internet safety and and uh just you know taking a look at what you're actually consuming on there. It's I don't know. I the internet's stressful.

SPEAKER_01 19:33

There's a lot I think it's important to frame things, you know. If if if my boy's on is at the age where he's on social media and he he's taking in content, I you know I very much want to be involved in what he's like. Show me what you're seeing. Why what do you like? Why do you like that? Why do you like that person? And hopefully help him understand that these people are also entertainers, buddy. Like exactly that's key. You know, when he says he wants to come home and he wants his fucking bitch to shut up and make up dinner, he's saying that to get fucking clicks, man. He's saying that so that people engage, he's saying that not because that's what he believes in, but he wants everyone to fight. They he wants to create a zader range base because yeah, because that's what's good for his content, and that's that's what forces people to interact. And I think it's important that we we make sure that we're there to have those conversations about those sorts of things.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

Yeah, being very smart about your internet use is not just some willy-nilly thing, like it's evolved to a point of like now you don't know whether or not you're arguing with a but or a real 100%. Uh 100%. Also, with the algorithm, they know how old you are. You they know your your uh who you are, like your sex, where you're from, how old you are, what type of things you like. Like, do you like heavy music? Do you do you look up like I don't know, whatever. But they they'll push that algorithm to you as well because it is like a propaganda tool now. I don't for sure. I I don't know because I've deleted social media a few times, re um installed it, and it's still pushing the same types of videos that I don't want to see, because it's pit, you know, the algorithm might put you in a box, right? And so for sure.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

It's hard to change it, man. You've you've really got to like actively be like, hey, I'm only gonna interact with car videos today, and like everything else I just scroll by because it it's from what I understand, is like the algorithm's so good that you pause for a second longer than another video, and it's like, okay, maybe they're interested in this, so we're gonna feed them a little bit more of that. Um, I know in in Instagram it's hard to find, but you can go to your settings when you're on your like um reels page and you can select topics that you want to see and don't Want to see so if you don't want to see things about politics, you can now check that off. If you want to target things like fitness and and whatever inspirational content, you can you can now be a little bit more direct, but you have to look for that if you just blindly scroll, it feeds you whatever you stop on. And I always end up in fucking conspiracy world. That's where my that's where the sermon goes.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

All of it's conspiracy and it's stressful. Oh fuck man, the banks are after us, they want us to be fat. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 22:28

Yeah, it's stressful, but so I think um, with with the content that we see out there, I think that there are some positive messaging, and I think that's what makes it so dangerous is you get positive messaging about um males needing discipline, discipline in their life, discipline in their career, discipline with their emotions, discipline to achieve what they want to achieve. I mean, going to the gym and training every day to be a better fighter is discipline. Um, taking your diet seriously, eating clean, looking after yourself, not drinking, um, is discipline is something that I lack. Um, but that's positive messaging. I agree with something like that. It's just when they swing from discipline and fitness and and household responsibilities to talk of shit about women, they cross that line quickly. And I fucking at this a trend that I've noticed is all them big fucking tough guys that talk about what it is to be a man quickly, once that's done, switch to religion. Now everyone's fucking Muslim. Now everyone's interesting. You you had some pretty fucking far extreme ideas, and now it's all uh about my head, right? Right. Um, it's interesting, it's interesting how they leverage that.

SPEAKER_00 23:51

Chasing trends and and follows and what 100% and and views and all that.

SPEAKER_03 23:56

It's it's not real people, you know, have to have to realize you gotta tread lightly. This is the internet, you know what I'm saying? Like they will swallow you alive, they'll be extremists and everything. Like, it's just like in life. So tread lightly and protect your family, let them know, like you said, this is entertainment. People are trying to, you know, just get their likes. But when it comes to like the how to be a man, like I don't got no sons, I got beer daughters, but I'm gonna tell you this. You know, when it comes to me knowing how to speak with my daughters and um how they would expect a man to speak to them, I want them to learn that from me. Come talk to me, have a conversation with the village. You don't don't try to reflect. Well, you know, the internet's good for a lot of things, but when it comes to like life lessons and stuff, look to the village. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 24:47

And yeah, don't forget those resources in real life.

SPEAKER_01 24:54

I think um part of the problems that we face too right now is that boys are getting confusing confidence with dominance um and arrogance. But I think that sometimes those negative aspects have benefit. I think that understanding when you need to be dominant in a situation is very important. I think that um I would I would rather my boy err on the side of arrogance than insecurity. I would rather him be a bit cockier, and I can fucking scrape that back than him be more of a victimized mentality. And that's that's my mindset. I you know, it's not the right one, uh, I don't think, but I would rather him be a supremely confident individual, maybe perceived as a bit arrogant, but he knows who the fuck he is, and he is just who he is, period. Um yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:06

I think it's good to be uh, you know, the soldier in the garden. And uh I like the idea of the uh you know, I I personally don't speak a lot like in when I'm in a big group, I'm I'm kind of quiet, I'm kind of listening, I'm absorbing, I'm seeing dynamics. Seeing dynamics, yeah, observing. Uh and just kind of like I'm not I'm not the one talking too much all the time, right? Like I'm um it's like reserving yourself a little bit for in case you ever need to I I don't know how to explain, but maybe when when I do have something to say, it might be um received a little bit more um importantly or I don't know. For sure.

SPEAKER_01 26:58

You you speak with intention, right? Like if if if you're someone that observes more, you're not just trying to fill space. Um, and I think that someone that fills space, it comes from insecurity. They don't like the quiet, they they feel like if it's quiet, people are judging me. I need to be the center of attention, I need to, I need to like lighten up this room. Whereas if you're someone that could just sit there and have a listen, and then when the conversation comes away that you're interested in jumping into, then when you speak, it's it's very intentional, right?

SPEAKER_00 27:27

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:28

Yeah, absolutely. And I I think that that comes from having confidence that you don't have this uh need to always jump into the group conversation. Just because people are chat doesn't mean like you have to participate. Having the confidence in yourself to know, like, I know when I add value, and I know when I just need to listen, when I can let other people add value. I think it's important that we we focus on um teaching our boys, Jeff, you know, respect in relationships, whether it's with um their partners, whether friendships, their parents, their authority figures. Um something that I do see a lot of in the manosphere is the like fuck authority, I know better, no one can tell me shit. Um I think it's such an ignorant way to fuck, we deal with it, you know, as leaders, right? You know, we see that as from employees from time to time. Um it's it's tough, and I think there has to be you have to teach your your kids respect. I think that it's and it's a big trait.

SPEAKER_00 28:39

Yeah, and and like Ryan mentioned, he's he's a a girl dad, right? And I have a daughter as well, a son and a daughter, so it helps me. Um like, you know, if I'm trying to raise my son in a certain way or whatever, um, I also have a daughter who I have to think about like who I want her to interact with and what standard of guy that would um would make the cut, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 29:16

I don't know how to explain what I'm trying to say, but well, you don't want to be you know, I'm I'm speaking for you, so correct me if I'm wrong here. But like you don't want to influence your boy too far into masculinity to a point where you're like, I wouldn't want my daughter dating someone like that.

SPEAKER_00 29:31

Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 29:32

And it it's it's such a balance, I feel like.

SPEAKER_00 29:34

It is a balance, but it's good to have like you know the reference as well for both of them. It's like you know, true.

SPEAKER_03 29:41

You try to display like what is healthy masculinity straight up because there's unhealthy masculinity when you're when it's like borderline abuse, you know what I'm saying? But you try to display for your daughter what what the healthy masculinity is and what they can look for and look out for, and the warning signs of unhealthy masculinity, so you know you can speak to someone or get back out of that situation, I'm saying you try to just you try to show them and display that that healthy masculinity that they should have present in their life, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 30:12

Yeah, absolutely. So, what do we feel like healthy masculinity looks like today? What are some of the traits?

SPEAKER_03 30:19

Truthfully, just self-confidence and truly knowing who you what you what your purpose is and who you are as an individual. And I think that just shows outwardly just respect for self, bro. Because it me growing up, what I learned, if you can't respect yourself, you can't respect others. You know what I'm saying? A true man respects himself, therefore displays respect to others. So you could that you can see that a mile away. I could see that in individuals within the first week or two when we have a new employee at work, you know what I'm saying? It's through their their everyone says energy, but the respect for the how they they carry themselves and things like that.

SPEAKER_01 30:57

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's where uh you know aura comes in in today's days, right? Like and it's it's uh I think it's what we need to do though, it's respect for yourself is such a big thing, such a big term, right? When you say that, when I say respect for myself, that means you know, um I'm taking care of myself, oh yeah, talking to my partner, I have a community, I have outlets. You know, I feel like we have to frame what respect yourself means to these young men who haven't gone through it to learn what respecting yourself means, right? It's not until you hit rock bottom in an area of your life where you're like, fuck, I shouldn't have done that to myself. Like that I was not respecting myself by letting myself go down this path, by letting myself spend all my money every paycheck, and then being broke, by letting myself go out and drink every night. Um, I think it's really important that we frame what respect ourselves means to our boys and to our daughters.

SPEAKER_03 32:03

We can we can say it like this respect for self is not one-dimensional, you know what I'm saying? It's it's it's in different aspects in in who you are, like you said, mentioning like taking care of yourself, you know, being being responsible enough to show up for a job nine to five, seven, uh, five days a week, you know what I'm saying? And and feel away if you if you if you know you can't make it on time, or um, I'm coming from a point of view as a leader, you know what I'm saying? Put my leader, my leadership hat on, but yeah, yeah, yeah. Just in general, you know what I'm saying, show just showing up yourself. And yeah, and it's our duty as the I guess we're the OGs to put these youngins on game. Sons, you know, uh nephews, and nephew doesn't have to necessarily mean blood, you know, nephew, someone on the on the street that you know, a neighbor that you know. It's it's our job to to to to get out that um what respect respect for self actually does as a as a as a man, you know, as a masculine man.

SPEAKER_01 33:08

I like that. I like I like drawing it back to you know, our lived experience is is being leaders at work. And you know, something I will definitely tell my kid is no matter what his job is, show up. You have a schedule, you have you have made a commitment to this place who trades your time for money. Show up, show up or quit. Stop wasting everyone's time. Um, just show up. You've made a commitment as a man, as a person, as an employee to that organization, regardless of what it is. Show the fuck up, man. Show the fuck up in your life. You make a commitment with your mom, you make a commitment with me, show up to those. I will always show up for you whenever you have something, you have a commitment, or I have a commitment to you. Um, showing off is so important, and that's ties back into that respecting yourself. Um, how do we uh uh uh uh navigate negative messaging without overreacting? So, Jeff, if you if I ain't gotta listen to what you gotta say, you know. I know, man. It's tough, bro. It's especially like I have to, I'm such a warrior, so I've always gotta, I'm always thinking ahead. I mean, I'm very present. My kids just learning car and dog and that and who he is. That shit's so cool. Um but we live in a digital age, man, and I gotta think about you know, if he is going down a path of negative messaging, and I can see anger or resentment building based on what he's taking in, how do we address that? What you I mean, you even seen it with your daughters. I mean, what do what do you guys think there?

SPEAKER_00 34:59

I think it comes down to back to um what we discussed in a previous episode is the mentorship and coaching era where you where what you guys were just saying just a few minutes ago, you um show them what what good looks like, what uh positive m looks like, and and you kind of keep an eye on, you know, if if the pendulum starts going a little too far and coach them back, hopefully. Um coaching, mentorship, keeping an eye out, you know, you can't also hover at that stage anymore, um, because that's just pushing um to like you know, they won't tell you things or they won't they'll hide things maybe. I don't know yet. We'll see. Um, but uh having faith as well that uh what you're that those guidelines are uh sinking in, maybe I don't know. So go to their mentorship, maybe.

SPEAKER_03 36:03

That makes sense. I feel too uh addressing it too. Don't go silent, don't play the background, address, you know, don't be fearful of uh of uh looking like the disciplinary, you know. Um yes, have a voice. I can say that because I see you know, I could see people around me that uh have young, young, young boys, and it from the outside it seems like uh because of the certain situation that the uh that the family's in right now, they're fearful to have a voice and they just play the background and kind of just band-aid it like that, you know. But don't be able to do it.

SPEAKER_01 36:47

That's where you can open yourself up, right? Is if if um you're distracted or you know your head's not there and your kids seek uh influence from other sources, I think that that's where it can lead them down a negative path. You know, I think if we're honestly, I think if we're just present and available, that that that shit doesn't influence your kid. Um I think that there's only a negativity when you know there isn't a figure in the house. That was my experience, you know, in my late or about my early 20s is fucking googling how to be a man, um, or if you're if you're not present when you are home. So it always comes back to man, just pay the fuck attention, right? Give your kids some attention. Um, be present, be be there for them. Um, so kind of a a a closing reflection, you know, boys are searching for direction, they want to understand what it means to be strong, what it means to lead, what it means to become men. Uh, the internet will always offer fucking answers, but fathers have something more powerful than influencers online. We have presence, we have example. Um, and the relationship that helps shape our sons uh is us just being there, being in the home. Um, the strongest influence in a boy's life shouldn't be uh the voice on a screen, it should be the man standing in the living room, you know. Uh guys, if you're listening, if you're watching, I don't know what we're doing with the video. Um, if this episode has resonated with you at all, come find us on Instagram at the dad edit podcast. Watch our page for updates for the next dad walk. If you're in the London area, come on out. Um, we want to connect with more fathers in real life. Uh, and if you know a dad raising a boy right now, man, share this content with him. It's fucking tough, it's scary. It's we want to make sure that they're good, good individuals. Uh that's all I got. Boys, we is all we got, man. Sir.