Episode 36: Messy Parenting for Dads — When You’re Just Trying to Keep Up

Episode 36: Messy Parenting for Dads — When You’re Just Trying to Keep Up

What does real fatherhood actually look like?

Because it’s not the version you see on Instagram.

In this episode of The Dad Edit, we break down the truth about messy parenting the chaos, the pressure, and the constant feeling that you’re falling behind as a dad. From sleepless nights and shifting routines to the weight of providing, leading, and “being enough,” this conversation gets honest about what modern fatherhood really feels like. 

We talk about:

• Why so many dads feel like they’re failing (even when they’re not)
• The gap between “perfect parenting” online and real life at home
• How expectations create frustration in fatherhood
• Balancing work, family, fitness, and personal goals without burning out
• Why presence matters more than perfection
• What kids actually remember (and what they don’t) 

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed trying to juggle it all career, family, finances, and your own identity, this episode will remind you:

You’re not behind.You’re not alone.

And you don’t have to be perfect to be a great dad.

Because real parenting isn’t clean, structured, or predictable. It’s messy. And that might be the point.

🎧 Follow The Dad Edit for real, unfiltered conversations about fatherhood, self-improvement, and building a life that actually matters.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hey ma'am, before we jump in, if this podcast has ever helped you think more clearly, respond more calmly, or feel less alone in the quiet parts of fatherhood, hit follow on Spotify and Apple. Leave a review if these conversations have resonated with you. If you're watching on YouTube, like, comment, and subscribe. Uh, we also host a monthly dad walk. It's going to be on the third Saturday of every month, 11 a.m. at Kawana Skate Park. This is where fathers get together, walk, talk, and connect. No pressure, no speeches, just real conversations. Watch our Instagram at the dad edit podcast for updates on the dad walk. And if you want a place where dads can talk honestly about fatherhood, that is the place. The dad walk. We're all out there. All right, let's get into it. Episode 36. Messy parenting for dads. When you're just trying to keep up. In this episode, there's a version of parenting that we see online. Clean houses, perfect routines, parents who always seem patient to control. I see dads getting up at 4 a.m., mixing their pre-workout, going out to this beautiful aesthetic garage gym, doing their pull-ups, going for a run, 508 hits, they're taking their dog for a walk, 608 hits, they're getting ready, they're kissing their kids. This is a perfect world. But most dads, it's not the real fucking story. Hell no. Real parenting is messy. Uh it's trying to keep up with the work, the responsibilities, the bills, the family time, sleep deprivation, and everything else that life is throwing at you. Some days feel organized. Yep. A lot of the days feel like you're just trying to stay afloat. You forget things, you lose your patience, you make mistakes. And sometimes it feels like everyone else has parenting figured out except you. In this episode, I want to talk about that mess in parenting. What it feels like when you're just trying to keep up, why many dads quietly feel this way, and why fathers who feel like they're constantly behind might actually be the ones who care the most. Guys, parenting rarely looks like the way that we imagined it, you know. Rarely. And that's something that I'm definitely like me and my girl when we were uh we were pregnant, she was pregnant, we planned, you know, colors and what the room was gonna look like, and and and and the beauty of having a child and that whole experience. It's a fantasy, brother. A fantasy is a fucking lie. First three weeks was just war. It was just hell, chaos, chaos. We didn't we set up this beautiful little room for him, a crib, a change table. We were scrambling at the you know, felt like the final hour to put it together and get that room set up so it was nice and it was comfortable, nice lights, nice rocking chair for Nick. He still hasn't slept in his crib, it's sold. Yeah, like it's for storage. Yeah, I I've never changed him in that change thing. I changed him on the ottoman in our living room. Yeah, um, none of that worked. Yeah, you know, the idea of parenting versus reality, so you're fucking close. The chaos of balancing, work, family, responsibilities, but your personal life, you know, carving out time, going to the gym. Holy fuck.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

Big dog. Bro, it is messy. It's very rare that every that someone is or two individuals are prepared and ready to have a baby. It happens planned, and this is how it goes. It's real fucking life, unscripted. But I say this stay ready, don't get ready. Have a fucking plan. It's okay to have a fucking plan. You know what I'm saying? Standards, plans. Be prepared, but just have the understanding that if this is life and just like high school days, elementary days, sometimes just life, life expect it, but be be ready.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

Be light on your feet too, ready to pivot when you need to.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

Man, it I've said this many times in our episodes, where I the only thing that really gives me frustration is my own expectations. Yep. You know, and and I'll I'll reference it to you know, feeling comfortable and like, oh shit, I got this parenting thing figured out. It's easy. You get humbled quick 100%. As soon as you get into that mode, man, like for the last since February, Nick was always the one that put him down. He didn't want me, nothing to do with me. Now I'm I'm the go-to, and I love it. I'm so happy to put him down. That's my favorite thing because he just cuddles up on you, falls asleep on you. We have been going to bed at 7 p.m. every night. You know, he sits on me, he has a uh a bottle, he watches some TV, he gets sleepy, a take him, he goes down instantly. Like home. I'm in and out of putting him down in three minutes, and I feel like a fucking superhero when I ask I need some WWE music while I'm strutting back to uh the living room. The man is here, is there bro, all that's gone. Yeah, the other one, nothing to do with me at seven. He fucking throws a fit as soon as he knows that it's we're going to bed. Boy, do I get humbled quick by that, you know? And my my frustration comes from like I've been in a routine of he goes to bed at 7, 7:30. Now that he doesn't want to do that, I have to check in with myself, be like, why are you getting mad? That's part of it. Idiot. He's a kid, it's not his fault. Like, he just he's growing, he's developing. He, you know, uh, he's starting to walk now. His mind is always growing. Yeah, I'm getting mad because instead of seven o'clock, he goes to bed now, it's nine o'clock.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Honestly, who fucking cares? You're getting mad at that. Imagine how you're gonna feel when you say be home by nine, and he gets in at 10:30. Fuck. Oh, stay ready. Yeah, stay ready, but just understand that being a father, you gotta roll with the punches. But have a plan, have a structure that you and your wife always reflect to. This is this is what we came up with. It might not always go this way, but stay grounded in the plan and shit. We'll just fucking work out eventually.

SPEAKER_02 6:54

I think it's important that we we talk about this side of things though. That shit sometimes parenting sucks. You know what I mean? Like it's it's tough and uh it's very messy. And I think having I think the most important part from this conversation to me is having a group of people like you guys where I can just come to you and say, bro, this sucks. Yeah, and you guys can go, yeah, yep. It doesn't, it's like it's gonna stay the same. It's just you learn about it adjusts.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

And you know what? It like before I'm gonna stop. Yep, like just jump in. Um, it's not Instagram, it's not Pinterest, life is real. Like those people influencing uh that you see motivating you at four, five, six a.m. just having their shit together, they don't. They they feel like shit, and then they hit record and the smile comes out. Or uh maybe it's not actually 4 a.m. Maybe it's 10 p.m. at night. Yeah, you never know. Like uh real life looks real, yeah, man. It's messy. It's so it doesn't matter whether it's parenting or just regular day-to-day, just even getting your ass out of bed for work on a Wednesday. Oh, right. It doesn't matter, but parenting, especially, like your house is gonna be a disaster, and on Wednesday is not the time to clean it up. Maybe Sunday is yeah, man.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

It's like you adjust, you maneuver your schedule. Like my wife was big on a clean house, right? Like everything in order. Hello, uh fine, she has a little OCD, buddy. But when it came to the kids, we had to adjust the schedule. And like you said, maybe Wednesday is not the time, but we know okay, no matter what, Sunday's gonna be the time. We set a plan, we we follow through no matter what, because this creates structure that's gonna be great for a link. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? So have a plan, try to f follow through, but maybe it's not Wednesday, maybe it's like a Sunday.

SPEAKER_00 9:01

Well, as you can uh you guys don't know, but I mean when you guys run out for a smoke break in between, I'm doing laundry. No, you're rolling with the punch is what's going right now, but you do what you can when you can, and but it and when it comes to like a clean house versus toys everywhere, like if you zoom down to their level, like that's their childhood, that their little town that they built, yes, and that's their imagination and play and bro.

SPEAKER_02 9:29

And honest to God, I'm I'm not a a very uh I don't want to say a cleat person, that sounds wrong. Like, I'm okay with some next. Don't find don't bong to me. So when I come home from work, like I can see like the kitchen, there's towels everywhere, like not just like we were doing some dishes, like all the towels are on the whole floor. Bro, to me, like that's ri like I feel so rich in that moment. The the like I have a child who has a safe place to just go and play. Yeah, bro. Do we gotta pick up some towels? Sure. Oh yeah, I don't care. Warn of y'all, dude. The towels that we use probably been on the floor. It's not if you guys come over, yeah. Yeah, the towel of the drawer has probably been on the floor. Okay, well, whatever. But that shit feels I feel so worn by that. We can pick up toys. Yes, I don't care about picking up all his cars and then setting my Nick really loves like setting up all his toys for him, putting them all around the room, and like giving his bear the soccer ball and like almost like scenes for him to come out to. Yes, and we see a difference in how he interacts with things. Like, we he has a playpen in our living room, yeah, and that boy just flips everything in there, everything is just fucking everywhere. And that at night after he goes to bed without fear, 90% of the time, one of us gets into the playpen and we organize all the stuffies and we put all the toys back into the baskets and we just clean it up. If we do that, he's more likely to play with everything. If we don't do that and it stays a mess, when we put him in, he doesn't want to be in there, which is interesting. It's interesting that you know we take the time to to clean up, and then he has the comfort of making that mess. Yes, yes. Um, sometimes I think he just likes to make messes. Like, oh I follow him along and just put his toys back up, and then he walks by like ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, knocks them all back down.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

Vanessa always says, uh, you know, like when I get stressed out that it's cluttered and messy around, she she reminds me that it's a lived-in house. Yeah, it's full of life and love, and that's what a a working home looks like. It's not like I like that. I really like a lived-in house.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

I like that.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

Yeah, I'll say this too. Um, that's great, right? Um, lived-in-house and everything, but don't rob him of those times of when you're organizing because that is gonna show him consistency and structure of hey, this is your world, but at the same time, this is daddy and mommy's world. So we're gonna do this together, as young as Link is, we're gonna be clean up together. Oh, yeah, bro.

SPEAKER_02 12:11

And he's you know what's crazy is watching him absorb things. Um, I had a couple of videos to send you to us. Like he he has his little cloth, we wash his face, and then he just sucks on the cloth. He walks around like wipes the walls down. Like, wipes the kitchen, imitating what yeah, scene cleated the chair, or like he's really good. If I'm like, hey buddy, can you can you grab that? Yes, can you go back in that yeah that box? Yeah, yeah, and then we do a big celebration. Oh, good job, yeah, big man. He throws him in and he just gets stuck.

SPEAKER_00 12:42

He's gonna be running around flexing that MP Hey first thing at school, just flex, he goes to class, like and push-ups right right there, one-handed, let's go.

SPEAKER_02 12:52

Ready to step. But he's he's been good. We've we've been really focusing on that, but it's crazy to see we pick up every day, we clean up around him to create this nice space for him, and he's he notices, and it like it warms my heart to see him put his toy away.

SPEAKER_00 13:09

It's a good example to show them, like the to have I personally believe like your surroundings are very important for your mental health too. If you have a cluttered house, you have a cluttered mind. So, yes, on one hand, you know, the lived in house is is nice, it feels good white when it's all clean and tidy and you have a room to to breathe and your brain's clean. I that's where my my head works. Like, you know, I'm in my room's messy, I get stressed out if it's clean. Like, oh, I can breathe kind of thing.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

Nick's the same way, man. And I don't maybe I don't realize the impact it has on me as much, but I know Nick very much feels that way. She's like, I I can't I can't stand this right now, everything's a mess. Okay, no bronze. Like, um, let's tidy up, lock in. I'm definitely not that way. Maybe I am and I just don't realize it, but I can have a fucking mess and whatever. I don't care. Um, it does get to a point where it's like dirty and that I it needs to be cleaned. Yeah, um, but yeah, it's it's it's interesting how I know a lot of folks that operate on that like cluttered house, cluttered mine.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

But even if you get it to like an 80% state, like that's a huge organized.

SPEAKER_02 14:22

I I will say, like, I I like tidy, I don't like dirty. If things are just kind of in a place, you know, all these toys go here and then the rest of the earring is open, I feel good about that. But then I feel okay. Yeah, I don't need like everything to be set up nice. No, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:40

Man, if you're gonna compare yourself to these guys on fucking Instagram and social media, you're looking for perfection or in the wrong fucking you're in the wrong place, bro. Like internet parenting is not being a father is not perfection. Yeah, it's nice to see those clips, but just know the reality of the fact that hey, it's messy. You create your own lane.

SPEAKER_02 15:03

And I think that's that's a trap that I fall into. Um, you know, when I'm working through our social media and stuff, and I'm in a model that I'm trying to engage and interact with with other creators, you know, I see business creators, I see father creators, I see fitness creators, and I think these people are all the same because that business guy is also a father, and that fitness guy is also a father. And I think, fuck man, like shit, I gotta be up, I gotta be ripped, I gotta be 3% body fat, I gotta be running four businesses, I gotta be doing my own content creation and banging out videos that are getting millions of views. We gotta be growing our podcast, I gotta be giving mentorship and coaching to people. We gotta be helping other individuals lift out, we gotta engage our community, and sometimes you know, all those things start to build up, and I I can feel it under my chin. Yeah, and we're like, whoo! Like we're just treading water, we're barely what the fuck's going on, and it's not until I, you know, I step back and go, bro, it's social media. Like, I gotta log off for a minute.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

It's not the reality. I feel like there should be a golden rule with social media, like you have to post behind the scenes. Yeah, you gotta post the process because this perfection, and then you don't know what's going on behind the scenes, how much work's being put in. You're seeing buddy fitness guy looking fucking prime. You didn't see the fucking three years that he fucking put in the work. Like, there should be like a rule of behind the scenes, just so we could have that that reality of what it really is.

SPEAKER_00 16:40

I think TikTok's so big like that because it's lower effort. It's just like I whip my phone out and caught myself like coming off of a it's 15-hour flight, and I feel like shit, I look like shit, it's raining, and I'm like, this is what travel looks like. It's not like that grand opening, the bow walking out onto the balcony and how the i fought you were. It's like I just fucking struggled through it three hours. Yeah, what do you think? I gotta fucking migraine. All I want to do is sleep my first night as shit. I haven't eaten in days. That's what it actually like. I don't know, internet's fake, man.

SPEAKER_02 17:18

I agree. And I think that that's you know the purpose of why we're doing this podcast. We we all could have gone on TikTok or Instagram and trying to go and gone through the father influencer type of uh uh uh uh avenue or journey, but I think the podcast allows us to just talk openly about shit, real shit. You know, last episode I started was like, hey, I feel like shit. I don't want to be here. I almost called you guys out first thing this morning to be like for not doing it today. Um this is our opportunity to to be behind the scenes, yeah. Like genuinely, when you guys listen to this episode or to these episodes, it's it's I believe authentically us. Yeah, it's not you know uh an overly scripted show where we're reading these scripts and we have specific answers and questions and and and uh directions we want to take episodes. We we have an overarching topic, and we just speak truthfully from that. And sometimes it's really good conversation, sometimes it's a bit clunky. Um, but I think that messiness is our brand.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

That's what is to be a hundred percent honest, like we've gotten away from editing for the most part. Like what we record is what we put out.

SPEAKER_02 18:40

It's like we're not clipping about your shit out, like well, and I mean that's that's a great point because in the beginning we were so worried about being perfect and not stuttering or stopping, and yeah, at this how we would edit, we would clap, and then cutting out all the ums and uhs.

SPEAKER_00 18:57

Fuck my ass. This is a lot of fucking work. Have the energy, man. And you said a lot of ums today. This is annoying. Yeah, it's easier, it's uh a lot easier not just not to say the ums and uhs than to cut them all out like fucking AI over.

SPEAKER_02 19:14

It's good, man. But that's that is mirroring fatherhood. Like this is messy, it's not perfect, it's not overly edited. You can't overly edit your life. You be adaptable, you be flexible, you can pivot when things are wrong. Um, it's good to be self-reflective. Yeah, I think we really have to look at how much our expectations are unrealistic in Vanderhorn.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

There's beauty in the struggle of being a father, man. Embrace that part of it. And yeah, that's the genuine part of it, the struggle. Um, nothing goes to as planned. Like, but we like you said, we pivot, and having a good partner on on your fucking sideline makes it a whole lot easier. Like lean into that, man. And uh yeah. If you had that, lean into it.

SPEAKER_02 20:04

I you know, I feel blessed. We all are very lucky in this room, yeah, that we have great partners. Who don't um, I don't believe, put too much pressure on us that hold us accountable, keep our chins up. Um for other fathers, I think that we are the minority. I don't believe that we have the same as the majority. I don't know. Um, but why do we feel like fathers often in this situation feel like they're not enough? Where they're not doing enough. Like what what is that inherent in us? I know for myself, I don't know if it's just socially or if it's social media or if my own expectations, but this like you know, I should be running my own business, I should have a house, I should be a cleaner person, I should take better care of myself, I should be fit, I should be strong, I should be dangerous, but I should also be loving, I should be wealthy, I should have I should be able to give my kid everything that they want, I should be able to give them all my time, but also I should be running businesses. Why do we feel this way?

SPEAKER_01 21:20

What's the best for our family, bro? Yeah, I I want the best for my family, so in my mind, I gotta go through all those things so they could have the greater things, right? We're the captain of the ship. We got lives that depend on us. We're trying to we're we're we're in fucking murky waters, bro. You wanna just fucking make sure you make it to the tropical island, whatever the case is, and everyone's good on that way. But it's just not the reality. Fuck bro, life How do I say this? Life is shitty sometimes. Fucking I love my family. I love you girls. I love you girls. I love you girls. But being a father sometimes is a lot. So much fucking weight. Perfection is what we strive for. Fuck that. As long as there are a roof over my fucking family's head and there's love in the house and there's respect amongst us. That's that's that's what it is. But it's I just think it's human nature, just to want to have the best for self and and the family that you created. But that's not that's not the reality, you know? Especially when you're not born with that opportunity of having that silver spoon and all that money. You gotta grind to get it there. And there's beauty in the struggle. Your kids are watching you, and they're watching your integrity and how you act through that. But you inspire just to want to have everything for them. So it's it's I think it's just a natural thing to want to be perfect, but who the fuck's perfect?

SPEAKER_00 22:52

Yeah. You know what? 80% is a passing grade. And and that extra 20% might you might miss out on certain things. If you're if you I was having a conversation with somebody the other day uh at work, and they were like, you know, once you once you get the house, then you're looking to upgrade to this, and then you are looking to do this, and I'm like, that's not me at all. What I'm proud, like, I'm kind of content with, you know, I'm always content with what I have. I have a goal to get to, but I'm not going to give up. It's I'm having a hard time explaining, but like he might miss out on like the school play or like the soccer game because he's grinding at this project that he thinks is going to get him to a hundred percent, but that's not even an achievable thing, especially in this day and age, like in Canada in 2026, when a home is so fucking unaffordable at like, and that this is you know, I'm working a job that's got like this is one of the better jobs I've ever had, and it's still not good enough to get me to that hundred percent. So why give up that 20% of free time and free time and time with the family and this and that when 80% is excellent, and it's still better than what a lot of people might have in their days. Like we have a home and it I can turn the heat on when it gets cold out. There's food, and you know, if there's a school fundraiser, I can participate, I can buy the box of donuts to support uh the class initiative. And that's you know, I might not have enough money to buy a Corvette or like I can't purchase a house right now, not in this economy, right? Unless you guys want to go in on a house with me, three three guys in a house. Look, call about a villa, yeah. But I'm I'm at 80% and I'm super, super proud of myself for getting here. Right, you're fucking right, brother. And Andy's list of shoulds that he just listed off. I mean, it's good to have all these things that you think you should be doing, but when you compare yourself to like these guys, um maybe they're giving up that 20% of time that's actually valuable with their family kind of thing. I don't know. I'm rambling and it's not coming out the way I want it. Oh, it's good, bro.

SPEAKER_02 25:41

If it's all of that makes sense, and I've I've heard we talked in a previous episode where um I I asked a question out to Threads, and um many of the folks that responded about achieving everything that they wanted, making all sorts of money, having houses, having cars, having this lifestyle, being able to provide for their kids to a degree that I may never know. When I asked, would you give that up though, to spend more time with your kid? Every one of them said yes. Come on. There's something there. And uh although there is a natural want, long before I had kids, I used to think like I can't have kids yet because I'll make enough money. I can't have kids because I don't I can't support them the way that I want to be. I wanted to be supported. It's not I'm not in the right place to have kids. I've had that stress since I was 20, wanting to get to a certain point in my life so that I could I felt comfortable having children. Um I get all the things that I want and the shoulds. That's that's not conducive to having a good that kid doesn't know. He just wants me. Yeah, I'm like, right? You know, we have to think. Do your kids see your imperfections the way that we think they do? Fuck no. Your kid sees you home every day. He doesn't understand that you're not home because you're trying to provide a better life for him. You see it in every fucking movie, every TV show where dad wasn't around, but I was out there, I was grinding for you, I was trying to provide for you. But dad, all I wanted was you. Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

Do my idea of rich is say having a small little quarter acre, a homestead with some free time where we could instead of sending your kid off to daycare to pay uh so so you you leave in the morning, you send your kid to daycare, you go to work so that you could pay for the daycare, so that you can like somebody else can raise your kid. No, like it's I don't know. I think we've gotten to I don't know, man. Like my my idea of rich is just having that time available.

SPEAKER_01 27:55

That's what real wealth is though.

SPEAKER_00 27:57

Yeah, I got do you speak from that reason? Not not having three houses like the the guy I was talking to is like once you get the first house, then you want the second house. I'm like, not that.

SPEAKER_02 28:08

Then you want an ink offer to either.

SPEAKER_00 28:09

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 28:10

I want time available to spend with the community and the family and and the friends and I think when when I look at wealth and and what I want um from that, it's it's to buy the freedom. Yep. Freedom, it's not that I care. I don't want any fucking toys or things from my kids. I want the freedom to not go to work tomorrow and know that I'm good. I don't need to. Um, that's what I want. I want the freedom of, like you said, that that time. Um, but I can't sacrifice that freedom for more future freedom. Yeah, that's because then you always chase future freedom. Yeah. There is a situation where I could have a job that pays me almost double what I'm making now. What am I? I don't know the sacrifices yet. Does that mean I'm going to the States, I'm going over to Europe, that I'm doing things for this business for them, the greater good of this business, but sacrificing weeks and weeks and months?

SPEAKER_00 29:13

Well, you would have, if you were away on that week-long trip, you might have missed your kids walking steps, man. Congratulations, yeah, guys. Big steps, big steps, big flex in man. And if you were away making an extra twenty thousand dollars, is that worth losing it? What does that get us? Those big, big moments. Fuck no time is valuable, money is made up, and oh let's do a conspiracy night, guys. Like, I'm yeah, I'm down like that. I'll I'll stop talking now, but no, no, no, I'm down. Get back to we could do a we'll guess addressing the podcast. Yeah, I like that.

SPEAKER_02 29:54

Yeah, you know, kids need presence more than they need perfection. They don't need a a perfect father, just uh shit. If you are grinding and you are out there trying to earn for them, that's okay. But when you're home, be present, yeah, be with them. Yeah, that's what they crave, that's what they want. Uh uh you know we have to look at what actually makes a good father if perfection isn't the goal. And the only thing I can really think of there is presence. Like whether, bro, if all you can do is work and you're you're going to the rigs every couple months, you're going out west, and you can't bring your kids out there. When you do come home, man, lock in with them. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it's tough. And you're going through some shit. Maybe you and the wife aren't great. Maybe you don't have what we have in that that great partnership, but you want to lock in for that kid's fucking sake.

SPEAKER_01 30:54

Yeah. I say this like um when I talk to my mom and other family members, like, I decided to burn these kids. They didn't burn me, man. So I have to make the sacrifices. You know what I'm saying? And if in my mind I have set goals, I want to be in the gym, my health, uh, I want that second house or whatever. That's great to have those goals, but not at the sacrifice of your relationship with your kids. Yeah. Not saying that you gotta put everything aside because we're st we've we've had goals before the kids. We have maybe those goals change while we're in the midst of the kids, and then those will adjust once they decide to do their own thing. Right? Set your goals. It's good to have a plan. It's good to strive for something that keeps you who you are, keep dreaming and all that. But don't sacrifice those things for tying with your children. They need that fucking time. There's beauty in the struggles. Let them see you struggling to get to your goal, but not sacrificing them. And they'll get a deeper that's a lesson that you'll teach that they will carry on until they're into their fam their home. So yeah, I want to I wanna say that.

SPEAKER_00 32:19

Yeah, yeah. I think you said it the best too. And like w before when I was rambling, it wasn't I don't mean slack off and stay home and don't work hard for your dreams and your goals and and that for your family. Like, do the best you can while optimizing your time with them. Fucking right. It's the balance, it's uh priority, it's what counts as dog.

SPEAKER_01 32:45

We don't live forever. Do you want to be in God willing, you're in your bedroom when it's time to check out? Do you want to be in that bedroom by your fucking self? Reflecting on shit, I should have spent more time. You have the fucking big master bedroom in the big house, you have the two cars and all that good shit, but you're on your way out to the next part of life by your fucking self.

SPEAKER_03 33:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:18

Like, who's coming to your funeral? It's the ones that fucking respect you and love you. It's your children, it's their children, it's the the neighbors, the community. Come on, man. Like, have those ambitions, but put on your fucking big boy goggles and understand what you have in front of you is losing that and growing that is what's most important, and everything else will follow. Depending on the individual, how much discipline you have, you can still run for those streams, grasp those streams, and still have that great fucking relationship. I'm living it right now, bro. I'm chasing, we're we're on a course of being locked in, me and my wife. I have grown young adults. Uh, we both made sacrifices, but we still had the goals there. We weren't maybe the timeline had to change, but we still chased those things. I'm still fucking healthy living. Like, I don't give a fuck. Like, I'm in my 40s. I'm you look the youngest in the room, but pretty high. You know, say shape of all of them. But that didn't take away from my my time with my girls. Yeah, I had to maneuver, I had to pivot. Perfection is always great to strive for, but fucking live in reality and and dump and pour into the ones that will be around you and supporting you as when that time comes that you have to check out. Yeah, yeah. Fuck it.

SPEAKER_00 34:42

What I love is um the interviews of people when they're in their later years, you know, and and the answers are consistently the same. There's the same top 10 answers, what what you wish you did more of, and what you think you did right kind of thing. Go look those up online and everybody's answers in the to 10, like the top 10 things are all the same.

SPEAKER_02 35:08

Yeah, you know, they're always spend more, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:11

Yeah, yeah. It's not like I wish I worked harder so I could buy Lambert Bimi.

SPEAKER_02 35:15

I didn't own enough businesses, I didn't have this idea. It was it's I'm so happy you brought that up. It is always I wish to spend more time with my family. Yeah, I wish I got to know my kids better. Yeah, I wish I spent time with my grandkids. There's a fucking reason, man. And and if you're not hearing that, you're missing out.

SPEAKER_00 35:34

Yep. And uh Andy said it before you spend what 90%, 80% of your time with your kids in the first 12 years. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 35:44

So 75% of the time that you will ever spend with your child has been spent at the age of by the age of 12.

SPEAKER_00 35:50

And you know what? You might find yourself with some extra time on your hand to go and grind if you'd like to. Yeah, definitely take advantage of what you got when you got it, kind of thing, and be happy with where you're at, have goals, but and go easy on yourself while still working hard at what you're doing. Yeah, man. And 80% is better than 50%.

SPEAKER_02 36:13

Hell yeah. Another uh strand that we weave through all of these episodes is being self-reflective and and and understanding where you're at and the mistakes that you're making and being able to forgive yourself. Um, and I think that it's it's very important that we all understand that you know maybe we're striving for perfection, um, but there's a balance. And some days you're hitting the gym and you're eating healthy and you're on your game. Some days you're spending loads of time with your kids and it's great. Sometimes you're spending extra time at work and you're grinding to make more money so that you can provide better things. There's always a balance, yeah, man. And it's okay. It's okay if you come out of it and you lift your head up and you go, ooh shit. I spent a bit too much time at work. I was a bit too locked in, not really present when I got home. That happens, man. But talk. Yeah, say, hey, man, you said that. I've been locked in at work. I've really been missing out on our time. Like, apologize, apologize.

SPEAKER_00 37:14

Yeah, speak it out in front of your kids so they can hear it. You've been grinding for a while and then you're like, oh fuck. Let's go away for a night, right? Or let's let's go do something fun. Let's go to the movies.

SPEAKER_01 37:29

And it's not generic when you decide to do those things. Because some of the greatest moments that I cherish is okay, we're gonna go to Quebec and we're gonna rent a cottage.

SPEAKER_03 37:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:40

We do that, but it's not just generic. Oh, we're here, we're taking pictures. No, we dug, we valued that time and we had great conversations. Security board, just for me, my wife, and my daughters, fires over there, hot tubs out there. We we we spoke about things. Be present in those moments when you're like, okay, I know I've been locked in, let's do that. Because to be locked in and then say, okay, we're gonna go to Disney World, whatever, and you're you're not present, you're still locked into whatever you're you know, yeah, yeah. Your kids see that. Oh, he's making time for us, but he's not running time for us. He's still like fucking.

SPEAKER_00 38:16

You brought in them on the trip, but you're still thinking, oh, this cost me 10 grand and I'm the amount of. Oh, we gotta work this off. I gotta pick up some more shits.

SPEAKER_01 38:24

Yeah, man. Be there, be there, be present, be focal.

SPEAKER_02 38:27

Yeah, you know what I'm saying? And then your kids don't care, man. Yeah, you don't have to take them to Disney World for them to care. If if if you're so stressed about spending 10 to 20 G's on going to Disney World with them, and you couldn't afford that, don't fucking do it.

SPEAKER_00 38:42

No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 38:45

Go to a cottage, rent an Airbnb, do a staycation. Like fuck, we'll probably take like to Stratford. It's close, it's easy, it's nice, we love it. We don't have to go away and spend thousands of dollars, and that would just be bonding time.

SPEAKER_01 38:59

And the weirdest part, that's cut you off. The weirdest part in that is that maybe he won't even remember what you did with Strathroy. Maybe he remembers the drive to Strathroy.

SPEAKER_02 39:12

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 39:15

He's in the back, and the conversations are going on, and laughter's going on, the music's going on, the sing-alongs are going on. He doesn't give two shits about when you get to Strathroy, the indoor pool, the splash pad, whatever. What my kids fucking remember, and what is healing to them now in their adult years is the dride. Zarya gets so excited for the drive to Montreal. Not what we do in Montreal, but that that silence or the laughters or the conversations that's happening from point A to point B. And in your mind, as a father, you're thinking, Well, she's gonna remember is point B and the money I spent and the shopping we did. Nah, they don't give, yeah, they appreciate it, but what they cherish and what they reflect to to heal is the is stayers later, right?

SPEAKER_00 40:06

And and you brought that up, and it's funny because my kids as well, they're like, you know what? I love just out of nowhere, getting up really early before the sun comes up, getting in the car, getting the Tim horns or whatever, and driving to wherever we were gonna go. That's what they like the best about the trips, right? Just getting up early, watching the sun come up while in the backseat, listening to some stupid.

SPEAKER_02 40:30

Bro, there's like a feeling that you just unlocked to me thinking about going to our like cottage way up north, Calin. We used to wake up at three, four in the morning to go pack up the car, you're sleepy, you go back to sleep, and then you wake up at like six and the sun's just starting to come up and you're on the road. The trees are just and you open up the window, like fuck me, man.

SPEAKER_01 40:52

It's weird the things that you remember, bro. Yeah, but take that in the listener, guys, community, take that into consideration.

SPEAKER_02 41:00

Sometimes it's not the destination, it's the journey.

SPEAKER_01 41:04

I want to walk away from the table, and that's it, wrap it up. We're all we got, like right there, bro. You know what I'm saying? Like, reflect on these. Yo, guys, reflect on that, man. Because that's what it is. I have young adults, the proofs in the pudding, bro. And it's spoken to me every fucking time. Me and Azaria, my youngest Ayanna and Nikki, you guys are so focused, and it's I get it, and I love you guys, but I get a little bit more time with Zayze right now. We went to Montreal for her 18th. I'm getting goosebumps right now, man. Like, just getting a burger, taking pictures in the washroom, these little things. My daughter just big hug, daddy.

SPEAKER_03 41:50

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 41:51

Yeah, and it cost me cost me gas. Gas is fucking ridiculous. That's crazy. But like these little things that she's gonna remember in her adult years, and she's gonna try to emul emulate with her children. Dog, nothing better. Fuck perfection, fuck the social media, uh, face. Nah, bro. This is what I'm fucking gearing and getting up every morning for those fucking moments. You know, like that.

SPEAKER_02 42:25

There's no better way to wrap up that episode. Yeah. Um, if this episode resonated with you, share it with another dad who might need to hear it. Come find us on Instagram at the dad at a podcast. Watch out for the next dad walk announcement every third Saturday, uh, 11 a.m. Kawanis skate park. That's where we meet. Come check us out. We is all we got, boys. Peace out.