Episode 40: Dad Competence - The Weaponized Incompetence Debate

Episode 40 of The Dad Edit Podcast is one of our most honest conversations yet. We dive into the growing debate around “weaponized incompetence” in relationships and fatherhood, why so many dads get labeled as disconnected at home, where some of those frustrations come from, and what modern fatherhood actually requires from men today.

This episode isn’t about attacking fathers. It’s about accountability, partnership, communication, and showing up fully for your family. We talk about the pressure modern couples face, balancing work and parenting, emotional labor, resentment in relationships, and why being a great dad means more than just paying bills.

From household responsibilities to marriage communication, stay-at-home parenting, and breaking outdated stereotypes about dads, this conversation is raw, funny, reflective, and real.

If you’re a father, husband, partner, or even preparing for family life someday this episode will hit home.

🎧 Follow The Dad Edit Podcast for weekly conversations about fatherhood, masculinity, marriage, mental health, self-improvement, and building stronger families.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:01

Hey man, before we jump in, if this podcast has ever helped you think more clearly, respond more calmly, or feel less alone in the quiet parts of fatherhood, hit follow on Spotify or Apple. Leave a review if these conversations resonate with you. If you're watching on YouTube, like, comment, and subscribe. We host a monthly dad walk where fathers get together, we walk, we talk, we connect. No pressure, no speeches, just real conversations. This walk happens the third Saturday of every month at 11 a.m. Watch our Instagram at the Dad Data Podcast for updates on the next dad walk. We're doing a post, it shows the next you know, six months worth of dad walks. Let's get into it.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

Episode 40.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

We're here, boys, of the dad in it podcast.

SPEAKER_03 0:55

This is crazy. We won't stop, we can't stop. Crazy. No ditty, no baby oil. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 1:03

Dad competence, the weaponized and competence debate. Um, before we get into that, congrats. Congrats for being here. 40 episodes is cool, man. You guys have committed you know 40 times of sitting down and talking through a topic that you know I've I've or we've deemed important to fathers. We've had awesome conversations. Yes, this for me has been a therapeutic thing to do. Fucking right. Um, I say often in our podcast, you know, I go home after we do a recording session, and all I do is think my whole way home, yo, almost no music. I'm just lost in thought about how awesome some of the conversations were, some of the experiences of Jeff and of Ryan and things that you guys have done and lessons that I'm pulling from it. I really appreciate us doing this. And to be 40 uploaded episodes in is crazy. It's a deal. Nothing I thought that we would do. I thought we would get fucking hyped about this for a month or two, and then we lose interest and carry on, still be friends, doesn't matter. Um, but the fact that you guys are giving this project any kind of weight is really cool to me. Hell yeah, cool. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

I think it helps um the people that have reached out to us um giving their feedback on how how it makes them feel and how they they appreciate the work.

SPEAKER_03 2:28

What we're doing is important, bro. Like we said, the main goal is just to commit to create a community, and that's what we're fucking doing. By any means necessary, you know? Absolutely not. Hell yeah, so yeah. Hey, shout out to fucking eggcloud.

SPEAKER_02 2:40

Eggcloud. Hey, actually, you know, it's wild that you just read my mind because I so Jeff was talking there and I picked up my phone to just check uh our Instagram quick. And uh EggCloud just reposted your story from this morning with a little heart sign to us.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

Because of those them sandwiches is fucking we I wouldn't leave, we wouldn't be where we are now without the nourishment, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:04

The nourishment, the nourishment of egg crown and monster and 100% Rishme Street downtown, fucking London, Ontario.

SPEAKER_02 3:11

Right across from Molly Blooms. Uh, I don't have the the thing open right now, but check them out. It is a aesthetically beautiful, oh my gosh, amazing garlic bread, toasted snake sandwich. The eggs are super fluffy, so so delicious. Nice fucking like a garlicy mayo almost. I think they have some type of house fucking sauce going on. Some hot sauce of cheese, bro. And they've got other this is the OG. This is the OG. The OG with the we're stuck on the OG right now. Yeah, it's good, it's become a tradition for us. Jeff said that he's not recording unless we have egg cloud now. Exactly. So if egg cloud, if you're listening and you want to sponsor uh our episodes, uh let me know. We could connect, man. We we can connect. We would love to have egg sammys each time. Yeah, uh right now you got customers, so I don't know why you would because we're gonna buy them. We're connected, we're committed. But we'll give you a shout out, don't matter. Support local, support London. This is a London, Ontario brand. Again, I need to connect with the owners so that I can give them specifically a shout-out. They're doing amazing things. I believe it's two women. I'll figure that out. But shout out egg club. Y'all fucking killing it. Weaponized incompetence. There's a phrase exploding online. I haven't really done any research. I'm just gonna give you know our hot take on this and what I'm assuming it is. This usually describes a situation where someone pretends to be bad at something, guys, uh, cooking, cleaning, childcare. So someone else, mum, mm-hmm, picks up that work. Um, a lot of these conversations online, the debate often centers around the fathers. Uh, as I was just alluding to, the idea that some dads act incapable at home, so their partner carries responsibility. But in most of the internet conversations, the reality is often more complicated than the headlines show. Some fathers absolutely need to step up more. At the same time, many dads today are more involved in parenting than any other generation before that. Yeah, I can't believe it. So, where is the truth? In this episode, we have to talk about dad competence. Why is this debate exploding online? Where are legitimate frustrations and how do they exist? And how can fathers build real partnerships and responsibility inside their homes? Because modern modern fatherhood isn't about being a helper, it's about being a fully engaged parent. So I haven't personally come across this conversation, I haven't seen it in my my uh algorithm. It's not feeding me this. Yes, um, but I could see it. You know where this partially I think stems from, at least in our generation. Back to our other episode of 90 sitcom dads, they were always incompetent fathers. Seemed like it, right? Yep. Tim Allen could work a wrench but didn't want to change a diaper. He you never seen him cooking, or he like burnt the spaghetti. You know what I mean? Like, we really got portrayed as fathers as incompetent household figures.

SPEAKER_00 6:28

But buffoon's almost like that like Homer Simpson, the biggest buffoon on TV, but like yeah, that's that's and I hear you like it's very easy.

SPEAKER_02 6:42

I've fallen into the habit, you know, not of the buffoon side of things, but people put you in a box, and it's easy to say, fuck it, I'll just stay in that box. I'm good with that. Yep. I think as dads, it's easy to fall into that when you know you get the question of like, oh, are you babysitting today? I hate that shit. How am I babysitting?

SPEAKER_03 7:03

See, my child I used to hear that all the time. The stuff babysitting. Oh, where's mom? It's not oh, it's just you two today. Yep, hey, it's what society is fucking built around us, bro.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

Right, yeah, and and and I think that's where this conversation stems from. And I think leaning into it as males, if you don't have a wife that's gonna just call you straight out, which yeah, right. Yes, we knew, yeah, she doesn't accept that. Uh, I'm just kidding, but I think if if you have a a very overly nurturing wife who hinges her herself on being a nurturing person, yeah, then it's easy for you to like kick your feet up and be like, oh yeah. Sorry, can't help you with chopping the vegetables. I always make them too big when I chop them, or I always burn the meatloaf when I put it in the oven. Oh, I just forgot to keep an eye on it. But you can go run a barbecue and drink 12 beers real well. Yep. Yep. That's fair. You know what I mean? Somebody's done with you.

SPEAKER_00 8:11

No, no, no. I don't think I've run into anybody who does that in my uh personal life, but maybe it's just a a standard that I'm not willing to hang out around. Yeah, say about yes, about who's around in in real life, and like very proud. Like I've got you guys around, you bring me up, you build me up, you cheer when when something good is going on, like that's good stuff. That's not buffoonery. Yeah, so I think that'd be a good word. Also, I think there is a that's the podcast word of the day, man. That's the word of the day, buffoonery. I I think you do have that standard and not keep the type of business around.

SPEAKER_03 8:55

Man, and I could be let's let's look at it like everything's evolving, even the woman. The woman just doesn't stay at home like back in the day. The woman is fucking willing to step up and work a nine to five and still try to come home and be that that mom, that that wife. So who the fuck are you to put all that on her?

SPEAKER_02 9:16

Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 9:17

This shit is called teen. Once you make that commitment, not everyone could be a dad. People could birth children, but not everyone could fully be present. And part of that nowadays is fucking 50-50. You know what I'm saying? If it's not 50-50, at least 60-40 when it comes to the home. My the expectation for me personally, I'm speaking from experience, is like, okay, I understand you work a fucking night to five, but I work a nine to five too. So what are we doing about it? Everybody works, yeah. Everyone has to fucking chip in. If it's me, me in my household, I'll cook on fucking Fridays and Sundays. I'll fucking wake up on a I don't work Fridays, I work a four-day week, thank God. But Fridays is for me to, you know, get up, everyone's doing their thing. They're gone to school, gone to work. I'm at home, I'm gonna fucking clean the house. I take one day of the week to help out and fucking clean the house. I take two days out of the whole fucking seven days to cook. Like I pull my part too. This is this is the reality of the times. Like back in the day, that stigma, the man goes and gets the fucking bread and the wife takes care of the home. That's fucking terminated. Cost of living has terminated that. So, yeah. No, yeah, you know what I'm saying? You can't afford you can't afford a one house income and have the picket fence and the home. And no, it's both of us grinding out to get what we want. So we both gotta grind out to keep this home. Yeah, it's a teamwork, right? Fuck, it's a teamwork. Stop being lazy. Yeah, don't fucking cop out, bro. Like your presence, you're you're you're the father figure, you're you're setting the example in every aspect, not just the go get it to fucking bring the meat home. No, you're trying to teach your son or your daughter that the man that you decide to fucking bring into your life should fucking be helping you 50-50. You as a man should want to help your fucking wife 50-50 straight up, not only the finances, bro.

SPEAKER_02 11:04

That's I just might be there to to to lean on. I, you know, I what you said, you know, just sometimes it's not 50-50, it's 60-40, it's 70-30. Sometimes it's 90-10. Either way, there are times where you know, I'm I'm overly stressed with work and things aren't going well, and I'm just in my head, and I'm not locked in when I get home. And my girl, I've got a good partner, steps up. And same, there's times where she's tired and not feeling well, and in her own head, and she's stuck at home with our 14-month-old, he's a menace. And when I get home, she just wants to like check out, and that's okay. That's what I really want to demonstrate to Link is when you pick a partner, you pick the right person. Pixelist steps up with you that doesn't play a role of ignorance. I do think that there are some gender roles that we lean into that we fit best. Um but it's not as simple as like she cooks and I do this. No, you don't want to cook. I may not cook, I'll order us food, but you know, someone takes care of dinner. Yes. And if you can't, I will. If I'm not, you will. Uh it just it's just that way, and you you have to pick a good partner to do that. And I think again, it it's this topic's hard because I haven't experienced or seen it. I can only make assumptions of the weaponized incompetence. And if if you were listening, you're likely not our type of person or or listener if you're leveraging stupidity at home to get out of shit. Hell yeah. It's just that's my take. I don't think that you can sit out and say, Oh, I'm I can't do that. I don't do that. If your wife's getting up, going to work, and and then coming home and still being the parent of the household, like, what do you do? What are you what do you bring to the table then? You know, I I hear these guys that say, Well, I I bring home the money. Are you bringing home 500 grand a year? No, you're bringing home 65 and still not doing fuck all that home. Dougie, hey, bro, you're not you're not providing for no, you're paying bills, cool, awesome. We all do that, bro. You still have to step the fuck up at home. Yes, 100%.

SPEAKER_03 13:30

That's that's what it is, bro.

SPEAKER_02 13:31

You're not making life-changing money, you're not paying for everything for your girl, and like she still gotta go out and get her own job so that she can have her own things. Yes, so unless you're making big boy box, I feel like you gotta stay in your lane.

SPEAKER_03 13:49

Stay in your lane or don't get fucking upset when you get called out. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like, when you're when when those bumps in the roadblocks start coming out because you're not stepping up, fucking deal with it. You know what I'm saying? It's either or choose your path. You know what I'm saying? Either fucking play dumb and have to go through the stress of playing dumb or fucking step up.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

And there's there's a consequence for that. Everything your girl will get sick of it. Yeah, I think that's I think that's why maybe millennials you see their relationships last a bit longer, you see more fall, you see more two-parent households, yes, um, in our generation, I think. Uh, whether it's partners or not, um, rather than the previous, because dad's just played fuck it stupid. I think women got sick of it, you know. Dad went out and fucked around, you know what I mean? Like, not to play place all the blame on fathers. I know that it's there are other situations for sure, but today in this topic is around us as males plain stupid, um, and the result of it.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

And and to be fair, some some guys just are stupid. Yeah, you might not have the emotional intelligence to pick up on those types of things, and um, those having actual conversations with the partner of the house uh is very important, and yeah, and have as if that person points out something, don't just shrug it off and be like, I'll work on that. Fucking work on it, exactly, actually work on it. Exactly. Because, like Andy said, they'll get tired of it eventually. And guess what? Now you have a broken home.

SPEAKER_02 15:33

And from what I've learned, listen to another podcast, is men are much more impulsive. We react upon a it's not necessarily death of a thousand paper cuts for us. It's like one big action that we're like, we're done. I'm not fucking dealing with that. Women put it off, put it off, put it off, try to overcome it, check it, they deal with it, they internalize it. By the time she says to you, I don't know if this is working, brother, it's been a year already. So when you get to that point, she's already made up her mind. She's just letting you know she's made up her mind. Yes, you've missed your full year of hints, of conversations, like Jeff said, of resentment building. I believe for most women, when that resentment builds and she comes to you finally and and and says, like, I think we're done. There's no saving that.

SPEAKER_03 16:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:26

For males, I think there's more of the straight shooting conversations, is important because, like I said, guys may not always be the smartest when it comes to like I'm terrible with my words, like I've stumble over my words. But if you give me a straight, like, I need this from you, okay, I've received that instruction. Cause I guess that's maybe how um we operate like at work and in our male friend groups, like, hey, you're being a dick. Oh shit, my bad, don't be a dick. Instead of being like, instead of um subtly hinting at it, straight shot, and it's like, oh fuck, so if you're hey, just sometimes when you say certain things, do you feel like it could bother someone?

SPEAKER_02 17:09

And you're like, no, right, hey Jeff, when you said that thing, man, it pissed me off. Yeah, oh fuck, my bad. I won't, I won't say that.

SPEAKER_00 17:16

You sound like a dick, yeah. And it's like, oh, I don't want to sound like a dick. Okay, moving on a fucking roll. That'll stick. So bluntly speaking, but yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe we're just we don't pick up on those subtleties.

SPEAKER_02 17:30

Hey, I don't think we do. I think we miss it. I think we we we miss a hit. We need that straight shooter conversation. We need to tackle these problems before resentment can build. Um, even if the responsibilities feel any of it, if if you feel like you're doing more, you might be.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

Speak up. Yes, but you know what? Also, it's not a competition, it's not a it doesn't have to be 50-50, like you guys were saying. Um, maybe I put in a little bit more elbow grease, like doing the dishes, cleaning up, doing that, this and that, because maybe I'm making a little bit less. And and you're putting in some extra work to bring in some more money so that we can afford to pay our carb repair bill. I'm gonna make sure that we have a clean home to deal with because you've kind of felt that guy over there, and it's not 50-50 in every aspect.

SPEAKER_02 18:26

No, it doesn't have to be cool, it's not as score. You just have to understand that there's gonna be times where you're stepping up and your partner isn't, there's gonna be times where they're fucking stepping up and you're not, and you don't see it. You don't have to keep score, you just have to understand that that's halfway. That's what a good partnership is. And if you feel like you're stepping up and it's been a while, let your partner yo, yeah. This is why you have a partner to say, Are you good? Like, I've noticed you've been off lately. If they say, Well, what do you mean? Well, fucking you're not taking care of yourself, you haven't showered in a couple days, like you seem out of it. You're not going out seeing your friends, you stop going to get this done or do that. Like, what's going on? You're there to pick them up, they're in the fucking dumps, they're in their head. They're that's why they're not helping out. It's not just because fuck you. Um, this like scoreboard scorekeeping shit is is bullshit. Um but we have switched, we we've kind of switched towards that side of this conversation as opposed to you know the guys, you can't weaponize stupidity. No, I get the oh, I don't always get the hints. Pay more attention. That's yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:42

Right? You you can't be proud of yourself for being uh a buffoon on purpose. Whenever you say buffoon it man, but really, you don't you can't walk around being proud of yourself if you're purposely being a just sabotage. Yeah, come on, it can't feel good. You're making us look bad, you're making the rest of us look bad. So then people on the internet are generalizing all males are this, all males are that. No, it's just you're hearing about these jackasses because the rest of us are working, we're we're locked in, we're locked in, we're smoothly, the machine is operating.

SPEAKER_02 20:20

Oh, you only hear about it when something goes wrong, and then well, you know what I hear more of though is that the dad shows up for the kid, but stops showing up for his partner. You know, thinking this through, trying to, I'm trying to relate it to things that I've seen and witnessed, and on definitely uh a situation that I've seen is you know, dad's working, he's doing his best to pull in money, he believes his wife's you know, at home just playing with the kid all day. So he does come home and he's present for the child, but then he's like, What have you done all day? You're playing with the kid, the dishes are still there, you didn't make any food. My approach, man, if my girl keeps that kid alive all day, like uh anything else is above or beyond. So if he's fed, he's not in dirty clothes, he's happy, he's fucking playing. Like I said the other day, I come home and there's towels all over the place. Bro, that makes me feel good. Like I it that warms my heart. I get I feel emotional right now just talking about him making a mess because he felt safe enough to just play and tear shit up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:34

Oh, I'm fucking clean. Her workday doesn't start at six and end at sort of time. Like it's a 24 hour job, too. So if if there's a dish in the sink for three days, it's because she's at least the kid's up through the night, like throwing up or something, like she's up. Have you ever been like 2, 3 a.m. fucking trying to rock this kid to sleep? I've been. They're running off of sleep. Yeah. She's allowing you to sleep because you gotta go to your job and fuck the dog all day and come home and say that you worked your ass off while she's been up all fucking night. And then every 45 minutes, like that kid's up screaming, and it's stressful that you're you're fucking cortisol levels high. Like it's not it's a 24-hour job. 24-hour job that you do.

SPEAKER_02 22:28

Bro, you come home and there's clean them then. You have a problem, clean them.

SPEAKER_00 22:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

Well, it's dishes. You fucking pointed them out, wash them.

SPEAKER_01 22:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:37

Takes 10 minutes. Don't be a buffoon. Yeah, don't be a buffoon. Have a conversation, make a plan. Yeah. System, put systems in place. That's it. I like when you're like, yeah, uh, Friday and Sunday, that's when I do this and this. Like, pick some days. Like, if okay, if if if you want to have a conversation about, like, okay, hun, I'm gonna clean the living room on Mondays and Wednesdays. Are you good at doing it like a Friday? And I'll make sure maybe Fridays I take the kid and we go for an AI, and like I just give you the house and just hang out. I mean, that's no different than if you didn't have a fucking kid and you're like, okay, we're messy. Uh on Monday and Wednesday, you do the living room, I'm gonna take care of the kitchen, and then we'll swap midway. And then if we do that, then it's always cleaned. Or like my girl and I, every Friday before we started our weekend, we cleaned. It was great. Oh, you kid that doesn't happen. I'm way too tired. But we would do that. If we didn't have a kid, what's the difference there? I I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 23:35

It's put those systems in place. If you're if you have a job where you're used to systems at work and like procedures, take some of that and make some structure at home too. It'll make your life easier.

SPEAKER_03 23:47

Make an SLP for him.

SPEAKER_01 23:48

Yeah, man. We're gonna kill you for something. Okay, I need you to sign off on this QI for playing.

SPEAKER_00 23:56

Plan the shit out, brother. Plan the shit out, man. It does make life easier. Like, I would make a school lunch every morning before school. That's fuck that's a lot of work. If I just batch make those lunches like on a Sunday night, like and then just top it up with the fresh stuff like that morning, I've saved so much work and stress, yeah. Kind of thing. Systems, put them in flight straight up.

SPEAKER_03 24:19

And for those listening that are like contemplating getting ready to you know start their lives, just know this, bro. If you're not willing to fucking put systems in place and talk about it, hey, maybe you're being premature. This is not the 40s no more. Yeah, this is 2026. We gotta pull our weight, provide for the family, and be present. It's a big fucking package, and it's not for everybody, all hands on deck. I'm telling you, bro, you gotta show up.

SPEAKER_02 24:50

You you have to show up fully, you have to show up for your partner, you have to show up for your kid, show up for yourself. Yeah, man. It's a lot of work, man. It's not fucking easy, and some days suck. And some days I don't want to do it anymore. Um tough to fuck it back. That's fuck yeah, and then fuck it bad. That's life. Yeah, yo, the 1000% there are days where my kid wakes up from a knack after half an hour on a Saturday and I think I don't want a parent right now, but I was not prepared for this. Oh well, my girl does it all week by herself during the day. 24 hours a day. I got a partner with me today. Yeah, so fucking tough it out, boys. I'm sorry, but I I just I don't believe in not helping, I don't believe in the scoreboard keeping. I do this, so she should do that. You know, she is taking time off work to stay at home and and give her all to your child while you work. Is that difficult? Sure. She's also gonna go back to fucking work and still do the same amount of nurturing when she gets home every fucking eh.

SPEAKER_00 25:58

I'd also like to point out that it gets lonely. Um, just talking to a toddler.

SPEAKER_02 26:03

Oh, that's something that I don't fully get for how how long's a leave now? Like, however 18 months she's off, she's been off or will be off.

SPEAKER_00 26:13

It's a very lonely spot to be in because how many deep conversations can you have with a one-year-old? Right? Like, holy crap. And like your friends may be working, like, they can't pop by all the time. And it's like this is a it's a mental game. It's a it's a very in just I don't know. Don't be a before remember that man.

SPEAKER_02 26:34

When you come home and you've had a shit day, remember she spent the last five days talking to no one, but the kid that can say three words, yeah. Like engage your partner, man. Partnership is just as important showing up as it is for this child, especially like Jeff said, you know, it's lonely doing it. I could only imagine I get to go to work and fucking shoot the shit with people, sure have some stressful times, but I still get to just laugh and make adult conversations and joke and do all this shit. She's just stuck at home chasing this kid that can now walk, making sure he doesn't eat fucking rocks. You know what I mean? Yeah, and we just left. You know, we're just getting into shit. It's May now. We just left winter, cold. Like it's not even like she could go out when they go places for the longest time. The weather was shit.

SPEAKER_00 27:27

The winter is the long dark period of it's lonely and it's tucking, yeah, man. Hibernating. Hell yeah. I hate the winter.

SPEAKER_02 27:40

So, how uh before we get into closing out, um what's the best way for couples to communicate expectations more clearly? What have you experienced here?

SPEAKER_01 27:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 27:54

The best way to communicate your expectations.

SPEAKER_03 27:58

It's within what you the phrase you just said. We both have expectations. Man, I don't want to complicate things. I can't complicate things. I'm taking from me my experience. Carve out that time before it's too late to talk.

SPEAKER_02 28:17

Do you feel like you guys have like a hey, let's sit down tonight, or like let's go out on date night and you guys just shoot the shit? Like, do you aside from like okay, on Mondays at eight, that's our chatting time? How do you carve that time though? It may not be like outwardly for for me, the best time that we communicate is when we just drive. So what we've what we've what we try to do, what we want to do this summer is pick a restaurant somewhere, load link in the back, get in the car, go there. She's gonna bring her iPad, we're gonna do wedding planning just in the car, but we're driving because we're both locked, we can't go anywhere. There's no other distraction, we're not on our phone. Yeah, so we can just sit in the car, and that's where we I find we communicate the best. We're always talking through things, that's where we engage the most. When we're at home, it's good to like we'll play Scrabble and have a chat, or we're watching TV and like talking shit about who's on TV watching reality TV. But for us, that that time is dedicated when we do a car ride.

SPEAKER_03 29:30

I'll say when we take our um sometimes it's weekly, sometimes every two weeks. But my wife is really good at like if there's something and if it's not too deep, if it's just something the routine's not working or something's off, it's like, okay, can we take a walk? Let's go take a walk, and she will bring it up in a non-aggressive way. Because for me, I get that ill feeling of like when I was growing up, like I feel like I'm in trouble or anything. Like I I don't do well with that. So my wife understands that. So it's she approaches it with calmness.

SPEAKER_02 30:05

Oh, bro, nothing's worse than like a text midday to be like, hey, it when you get home, we should have a chat. It kills me. Oh, don't believe it. I gotta call you immediately, be like, fucking belt. Why? Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 30:17

I'm gonna fist pump on that. Because that's me right away, like off the production floor, go into the office, what's up? Yeah, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 30:25

We we could talk with no no no, no, no, you know better than that. You vote.

SPEAKER_03 30:28

You can't do that while I'm here. I'm dealing with like 60 different personalities. I cannot deal with them, even if they piles an old in it. Bro, I didn't know now, you know what I'm saying? But she approaches it with calmness, even if it's something that's really got her upset. She approaches it with calmness and we need to take a walk. Can we go for a drive? Uh, we need a date night because we have some things to talk about. Don't worry, it's not major, but we we we need to talk about some things, and then we sit down and we oh we have a mature conversation, bro. Sometimes that uncomfort is needed, like not everything's gonna be like oh pixie dust.

SPEAKER_02 31:07

Yep. I I wanna I want to build off that quickly because we often talk about how great our partners are. Um, we're blessed to have these women in our lives under treating us the certain way, yeah. Agreed. And I think that there's some innate traits that they have, but it's also how we communicate to them because I don't want the dad listening that's like, bro, my wife kind of sucks. Like, she doesn't do any of this. Are you communicating to her? So when we talk about communicating your expectations, it's how to deal with me. Don't don't text me midday and say, Hey, we gotta have a talk when you get home. That don't work. Let her know. I'm gonna fucking have a meltdown in my head and crash out with someone. Uh, you have to communicate, you have to train your partner to deal with you, just like they're training you to deal with them. Yeah, you have to learn what buttons to push, not push. It's it's it's all part of that process and having the right partner that you feel comfortable communicating those vulnerabilities to that's set you can say, like, I don't do well when you react this way or when you say these things, and they go, Okay, noted. There's times where I'm gonna have to, but for the most part, gotcha. This is how we'll deal with things. Yeah, you also have to communicate to them. Don't make the expectation that you're gonna find some woman that just gets you, yeah, that's the perfect fucking match. You have to explain to them how you operate. Yeah, you need your SOP for how to deal with Ryan. Yeah, you need the SOP for how to deal with Jeff and the if not do this and troubleshooting guide, and there's she but there's a lot of pages and she gets updated often. Yeah, you have to do that. And I think that those are important. You have to communicate expectations both ways, you have to ask questions to understand expectations.

SPEAKER_03 32:58

And I just want to say this, uh Andy, for all the buffoons, the real buffoons out there, we're coming for you. This episode is dedicated to you. We are talking the truth with no excuses.

SPEAKER_00 33:08

And guess what? There's room for improvement. Don't you don't have to be a buffoon forever. No, become somebody dads want to hang out with. Like, don't you want to be proud of who you are and how you carry yourself there, man? Yes. No buffoons 2026. Come on, man. Hey, hashtag no buffoons.

SPEAKER_02 33:30

Hey, if you've made it this far in the episode, leave a comment that says buffoon. Um, I just want to see who's who's who's catching up, who's really here? Who isn't a buffoon? Yeah, um, please stand up. Yeah. My closing reflection here modern fatherhood is changing. More dads today are involved in ways previous generations weren't. We're present, we're engaged, we're learning as we go. Jeff was just saying, anything important that uh anything that's worthwhile and is important is worth growing for. Growth comes with tension, it comes with debate. But the heart of this conversation isn't just about criticism, it's about something better. Fathers who take ownership, partners who work together. Homes were responsibility, home is where responsibility is shared. Because great fatherhood isn't about being perfect, it's about showing up and stepping fully into your role. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with another dad who might enjoy the conversation. Come find us on Instagram at the dad edit podcast and watch for more information on the next dad walk announcement. Boys, take care. We is all we got.