The Dad Edit Archives: Breaking Dad Stereotypes

Before The Dad Edit became what it is today, there was this conversation.

In this special archive episode, Andrew, Ryan, and Jeff share one of their first ever attempts at recording the podcast a raw, honest, and unpolished conversation about modern fatherhood, dad stereotypes, and what it really means to show up as a present father.

The guys break down the familiar labels dads often get boxed into: the fun dad, the clueless dad, the disciplinarian, and the provider. But instead of accepting those stereotypes at face value, they explore what sits underneath them, creating a safe home, being emotionally available, supporting your partner, leading with love, and learning how to be involved even when you do not have all the answers.

Released during Men’s Mental Health Month, this hidden episode from The Dad Edit archives feels especially important. So much of fatherhood happens quietly. The pressure to provide, the fear of getting it wrong, the desire to be better than what you saw growing up, and the challenge of balancing strength with emotional intelligence are all real parts of being a dad.

This conversation is not perfect. It was never meant to be. It is one of the first steps in what would become The Dad Edit — three dads having honest conversations about parenting, marriage, masculinity, mental health, family, and the everyday reality of raising kids.

If you are a father trying to be more present, more emotionally aware, more involved, or simply better than yesterday, this episode is for you.

Welcome to The Dad Edit Archives: Breaking Dad Stereotypes.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Welcome to another episode of The Dad Edit. This is a special one. Um before I get into it, the episode that you're about to hear is a recorded a long time ago back in March of the year that we launched. Um the next three episodes actually are all trial episodes. So Ryan, Jeff, and I sat down. We wanted to see if we could even do this, if it made any sense, if it was weird, if we got along, if we had good enough uh uh uh chemistry to build something off of. And you know, almost a year later now, uh it's where it's at. And it's it's been amazing. You know, before we get into these episodes, we just want to say thank you. Um the support that we've gotten across all these platforms has honestly been amazing. Her podcast built by three regular dudes just trying to have conversations about life fatherhood and try to grow as people. It's been so fucking cool to see how people connect with it. This podcast just started as us three trying to talk about like everyday stuff uh as it pertains to being a father, like the wins, the struggles, family life, work, relationships, and figuring it out as we go. And honestly, that's exactly where we wanted to release these episodes. Also, since it's men's mental health month, we felt it was the perfect time to slow things down and practice a bit of what we preach from taking a break. As dads, husbands, and providers, and men in general, life gets heavy. There's always something demanding our attention, and a lot of us just keep pushing through without taking a second to reset. So we believe in taking care of ourselves. It's not weakness. Uh taking a break doesn't mean you're failing. Spending time with your family, resting, protecting your mental health is important. So for the month of June, we're gonna be pausing our long form podcast episodes and doing a little reset. We want to enjoy the start of summer with our families, recharge a little bit, get creative again, and then come back refreshed in July. Don't worry, we're not going anywhere June 20th. We will still be doing the dad walk at 11 a.m. at Kiwanis Park. We will be going out to Natterjack later that day, um, you know, with our families. So by all means, come on out, say hello, get your tickets. Uh, it'd be cool to see you guys there. We will be launching a dad showcase series on Instagram. This is where we will be highlighting real dads, real parenting moments, and all the everyday chaos that comes with it. We also want to encourage anyone listening to check in on the Matorando. Sometimes a simple text or a call or a quick conversation can make a bigger difference than you realize. And if you're someone who's feeling overwhelmed, burned out, stressed, or just trying to stay afloat, you're not alone. We appreciate every single person who listens who's ever shared an episode, who's ever left a comment, or supported us any other way. This is just the beginning of the data, and we're really excited for what's ahead. Brother, take care of yourself, spend time with your family, and enjoy the summer. We'll see you guys again in July. We is all we got. So, this is our first trial episode. Uh I want to say welcome to the dad edit, the podcast where we talk about real situations, about modern fatherhood. I'm your host, Andrew. I'm here with Ryan, Jeff. And today we're tackling something that affects every dad stereotypes. You know the ones the fun dad, the clueless dad, the disciplinarian. But we're trying to break them down, talking about how dads today are rewriting the script. If you've ever felt boxed in by these labels, or if you're finding out on your own how to be more hands-on, emotionally present, this episode is for you. So I think the first one uh we should address is the fun dad. I think that's the one that I always want to be. I want to be looked at as like, let's go see Andrew, he's a sick dad. Go to that household. Yeah, I do want to be the like everyone comes there for dinner. Hell yeah. Everyone likes to go hang out at our house. Just because there was always one kid.

SPEAKER_03 4:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:33

And I don't know what made that kid. They weren't, I wouldn't say the fun parents, but that was like the go-to house.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

Phil was like more of that safe space. You can be yourself, yeah, have fun. That's fair. And you're not worried about getting in trouble. Parent fucking pointing at you, putting you down, you shouldn't be doing that. It was a safe space just to be you and be around your friends.

SPEAKER_02 4:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Yeah, that's fair.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

I remember, although we still got I remember disrespect in the safe space a few times. Absolutely. I remember uh uh one, because we always went to my buddy Perry's house. His house, he had mom and dad there, he had two older brothers. They always had like the sickest gaming stuff. He had a computer before everyone else. But I remember getting into trouble because I was a bit of a bad kid. Oops. You guys remember those like porn milconin lines? Come on. Someone brought it over to Perry's. I said, we gotta call this some weird shit on this. So you were the one. I got nicknamed Playboy Andy for a week. Love it. We ran up, like we go up to Perry's little tree house with his cordless phone in the backyard, dial in, heard some weird stuff. We don't got a cover on this. But I remember his brother coming out going, What are you doing? Perry jumped out the treehouse and like pitched it in the bush like we weren't even.

SPEAKER_02 5:52

Just on the phone.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

I love it. So I I felt bad because we, you know, that's where we disrespected the fun house, the fun, the fun place to be. You found the boundary. I found the boundary. You pushed it, pushed it a little bit. Let's go. Yeah. Do you guys have like uh the fun parents or the fun dad? What what was that host to you?

SPEAKER_03 6:13

My my parents would always have, you know, other families around. The kids would come over and we would all play in the basement while the parents are upstairs having some beers. Um so they were all kind of having fun. We would all hang out in the basement, have fun, play video games, N64. Uh, but we saw all them partying and having fun, and now I kind of absorbed some of that now. Uh oops. Good or bad, but it's uh it's a good, it's social, right?

SPEAKER_01 6:40

It's fun I think that's important, and I think that it's more than just the family house, right? Like you said it was their friends coming over, and then you got to meet all these other kids, so it was it was a good household to be in, right?

SPEAKER_03 6:52

Right. And this would be like what a Thursday night, right? So yeah. That's a good time.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

Hey, let's get it. Yeah. What about you? For myself, I'm gonna say I think it was my house. Yeah, honestly, you know, my mom was the cool parent, and uh everyone knew it was the Friday night destination would be Spence's house. My mom was really cool, really accepted of you know, us doing those certain little things that other parents weren't cool with, right? Yeah, but I like I mentioned before, I think it was all more of like just having a safe space for us, right? Friday nights, I know a couple of my boys coming over. My mom would have some drinks in the fridge for us. You know, she allowed us to have a little bit of hookah here and there.

SPEAKER_02 7:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:37

And then the night would just end up with in the basement, maybe watching a little Keenan Ivy Wayne's, a senior hall, whatever, and like cooking something up and just cracking jokes. And my mom, my my mom would know, even though we're getting a little rowdy downstairs, everyone's in the basement, no one's having to worry about getting locked up or you know, getting into that, pushing that boundary of maybe, you know, you know getting out of control. Yeah, getting really out of control. Like if you make getting into those streets, getting into trouble and stuff like that. My wife, my mom was like, you know, let's be in the house and let's keep it cordial, have fun, but keep it safe. So yeah, I always felt like you know, I was a little popular because my mom was the cool mom, and everyone knew that, hey, when you're at Spence's house, it it's it's all good. It's a party. Yeah, man, party safe party. I think that's interesting.

SPEAKER_01 8:27

I think it's interesting that the the way that you frame uh you know fun, fun parent, fun dad, fun household versus how I was looking at it, because you you really hone in on on the safety side. The kids are able to be themselves, they can be safe in an environment that's controlled by you know a competent and confident parent. Whereas, you know, my thoughts on the fun dad is usually the guy that doesn't care, right? And maybe that's how you perceive it as a child.

SPEAKER_00 8:59

And I think you're right right there, because at the time, everyone's like, yo, man, your mom is mad, cool. She don't give me a shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But me now being a parent of three girls and where I'm at in my life and my way of, I'm like, yo, you know what? I realize to myself, it's just like I'm kind of betraying the same thing. I'm not saying I have all my my uh daughter's friends coming over getting drunk or while I'm out, but it's like I'm like, I rather these girls and these guys be here in the backyard, yeah, having fun, than out there in these streets. Yeah, yeah. And it was an epiphany to myself. I'm like, okay, mom dudes was just trying to be sure that I didn't end up like in the holding tank or something like that.

SPEAKER_03 9:44

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:44

She'd rather me just be out here, wake up in the morning with a hangover.

SPEAKER_01 9:49

Yeah, yeah, learn your lesson.

SPEAKER_03 9:51

Right.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

So, yeah, man. But I think it's it's important that like, you know, you you set that up and create the environment for them, and you're you are in control of that environment. It's not like you're down there smoking and drinking with you know your your teenagers or whatever they are, or whatever they're doing. Um, you're not joining in and condoning it in that way. No, no ditty parties over.

SPEAKER_02 10:15

No diddy parties over.

SPEAKER_03 10:16

Yeah, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 10:17

But you're you're letting that happen in a very controlled environment where we're uh you know it may not be in agreement with other parents that well fucking, but they let them do this and they let them do that. Yeah, but I'm in control of this, and it's better that they're gonna do it anyways. Your kids are gonna run out and go to someone's house without parents around and get into some trouble and invite some people over. I don't know how many parties you go to where parents are out for the weekend and there's fights and there's shit getting broken and stolen, and at least you have control over that environment.

SPEAKER_03 10:52

That's the thing, right? If uh if they're if you know, I've had a bit of you know shelteredness growing up, uh, and then I would I'm gonna get into that trouble anyway, and we're gonna go to the friend's house that's yeah, their parents aren't there, and we're gonna go wander, walk around and and smoke and drink. You can't stop it. Kids are going to eventually want to experiment with that stuff with their friends, influenced by other kids, especially getting into high school, like high school parties. Like, if you're told, Oh yeah, you can't drink at this party, well, your your buddy's gonna give you a and I'm gonna go. And and if you don't, then you're not you're the one that's you know, on Monday, everybody's talking about how much fun they had and all the memories, and you know what it is?

SPEAKER_01 11:42

I think it's it's controlled independence, yeah. Because I think these kids are gonna go. I want to be independent. I'm gonna go be independent, make my own decisions, anyways. But if you control it, like it's it's they get the feeling of independence. We're downstairs, mom's leaving us alone, we can do whatever we want. It it allows them to self-regulate what they're doing, uh, because they also know, like, oh, if we get too wild, mom is upstairs and get a tells the knock it off. But it gives them that feeling of independence that and I think that that's vital to a kid growing, right?

SPEAKER_03 12:17

As well, we're we're sitting in my basement right now, and I kind of like my daughter definitely her friends, her and her friends come down, like there's projector, there's speakers, there's microphones, they can watch YouTube and do karaoke. Um and she'll have a bunch of friends here, but I'll just be up in the kitchen cooking or like cleaning or doing whatever. And then if I hear them singing a song that I'm like, I'll come down and be like, hey, no, that's up. And they're lit, they're good, but they they can I I like to hear them having fun down here. So it's like starting young, teaching them that it's okay to be have fun at home and invite your friends, and it's open, it's funny.

SPEAKER_00 12:54

Hell yeah. It's good. What I hear, not to cut you off, also, is that you're allowing them to have their space.

SPEAKER_03 13:01

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

To be creative and to be to do you, yeah, absolutely. And I think that's part of being a the cool parent, allowing your child to have that space to discover themselves and stuff like that. Absolutely because not only about the drinking and the smoking and having the parties and the friends, right? It's allowing your child to be a child and discover themselves without being that on top of them and given in that direction, that's the way to go. No, giving them a little chance to do you, yeah, but still be around in that safe space. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? It's not only about like, okay, so my mom was a cool mom, yes, because everyone could come over and everything like that. But if you generally had an issue that, you know, you weren't comfortable about speaking to with your mom or your dad, you okay, Spence's mom's mad, cool. I'm there every week, where you know, doing things. You know, I'm going through something. Yeah. I can let me picture that or see how she feels or whatever, right? And that's that's also part of being the cool parent that people feel free to come to you and talk about. Absolutely. Their issues, right? I'm running into that right now with my kids. I'm the cool father, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And uh, I'm noticing a lot of the friends that my my daughters have, they don't have the same environment that I'm grown up that they're being grown up in right now, right? Yeah, both parents, you know, we're very open. You know, I allow people to come over, have their fun, whatever, but I'm very open with my kids. And they see this when they come, they see the openness between me and my kids, cracking jokes, whatever the case is, and they feel comfortable for when sometimes when they're having you know a whole week of just nonsense and they're over, and I might just pop up, everything good, whatever, and like they they feel free to open up.

SPEAKER_01 14:44

Yeah, you you know, it's it's it's interesting, maybe like the controlled portrayal of what a fun parent is versus you know what actually goes into being a fun parent, like you're saying, being that parent that the kids can come to, like you can talk to me, man. What's going on? What's fucked up, what's broken? What do we need to okay? Maybe we need to sit down and talk to your parents. I'll be there with you and help you facilitate. That's real life, right? I think that's important. Yeah, man. I think um uh uh social media seems to have the biggest influence on stereotypes. I think it has an influence on anybody, anywhere, and how we act, right? We consume all of this entertainment and this media. Uh, I think the biggest portrayal is the clueless father, right? It's the ones that we're just expected to be. Our gender role is almost expected to, you know, not cook, not clean, not change diapers, not get up in the night, just be the the you know the provider, and then the women run the household, you know, and it's uh to me, it's an important stereotype not to be a part of, uh, because I don't want to feel like the loot useless father, right? We I'm sure we've all seen the Santa Claus, Tim Allen, who's making a a turkey, turkey Christmas dinner for his kid and just bricks it, it's on fire, he's hitting it with a fire extinguisher, and then the kid's disappointed and sitting in the Chinese food. And everyone else in that little restaurant is a father and a son, yeah, or a father and his kids, right? The just the clueless, useless dads. Why do you think in in media we were always portrayed that way?

SPEAKER_03 16:30

Oh, I think it was an old true stereotype stereotypes can be somewhat based off of real life, and uh that might have been how things used to be when dad was the one that worked and mom would stay home, and dad had no idea what was going on at home because he wasn't there, he was just working 10, 12 hours a day and then come home and sit in front of the TV. But now, you know, mom and dad are working, and you gotta split the you gotta split the uh the workload at home, right? Like it's not fair for mom to go and work and then come home and work more. Um and dads these days now like we want to be a part of it. I only get like let's say 18 summers or yeah until they possibly go off to college and then they you know they start their own lives.

SPEAKER_01 17:24

Yeah, um that's such a limited resource. Like if you frame it like that, yeah, I've got 18 years. 18 years is a long fucking time. I've only got 18 summers left with this kid. That's wild to think about, like framing it like that. Like you can't be uninvolved at that point. Like I know for for myself, expecting, like, I don't if I'm miserable for the next six years, but it means like I get home after work, I go shower, I pick that kid up, and we go outside and play, like that's what I have to do. Like, I I think maybe society's you know ex expected us to join in more now, which is is good. It's I I feel like men often fall back on their stereotypes. It's easier to just fall into the stereotype than to fight it and kind of redefine yourself, you know, being a disciplinarian or not helping out in the household. It's just easier to just fall into that comfort of that pigeonhole. But I can't wait to be fully involved. I can't wait to you know pick my kid up at the end of the day and say, honey, if you want to you want to go get your nails done, go get your lashes done, take some time for you, because I know this kid's probably I'm a maniac, so I imagine this kid all day has been a fucking maniac. And you know, let her have some time to herself. Her she if she's at home right now working, working quote unquote by taking care of that kid, she's feeding them all day, she's making sure it doesn't die all day, keeping this thing alive. That's not easy. It's not a big deal for me to come home and just spend time with my kid, right? To not sure maybe I had a busy day, but like family's so important, and we've seen that. I think media's also help portray the negative effects of a clueless father, right? Uninvolved 100% for me.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

And I'm gonna say this it was just what was in the household and what the example was. Okay, so when I say that growing up, all the parents weren't there, so very observant of what my mom had to do to make sure it was safe. But I had uncles, grandfathers, and stuff like that, and you have a stereotypical background, Caribbean supposed to work and provide for the house, and that's all you do. Okay, that's all that was in my house. Yeah, I saw the stress levels of what my mom had to go through. For sure. Rather working, coming home, cooking, making sure her son stays out of jail, making sure her daughter's not out in the streets.

SPEAKER_03 20:18

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:19

And growing up seeing that just pushed me even more. Seeing my uncles being in the house, they're there, but not present, and how that affected my cousins. For me, it was just like automatic. I want better for my kids.

SPEAKER_03 20:37

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

So, you know what? Yeah, I'm working the 12-hour days, and I'm dead, dead ass tired when I get home. But reflecting on my situation when I was growing up, it was like, nah, I'm not gonna come home and just kick it, kick my feet up. Yeah, babes. What are we having for dinner tonight? What can I help with? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Babes, you go cook. Hey, Iana Zeze, let's go watch something. Yeah, I'm stepping up. So it's just it was just the example of what I wanted my household to be. Where, hey, as fathers, we're gonna be clueless. We don't know everything, but we're gonna do our it depends on the individual too, because maybe you grew up in a bad situation and it's just a generational curse, and you don't give it well, yeah, but certain men just want better.

SPEAKER_03 21:21

Well, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:22

So we step in and we just try to have an environment where we're doing better and we're we're we're pouring into the stuff that we were lacking.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

I think that's why this conversation is so important. Because, like you said, we we don't know everything, neither does mom, right? Like we we both grew up with single moms. My mom worked all fucking day, came home, still gave me the love and affection and attention that I needed, cooked us food. You know, I never went without. I never, you know, I didn't have brand name clothes, but I had I still had good, clean clothes all the time. Maybe. Because it's easier for us, allowed ourselves to be uninvolved, including us. Oh, while I'm providing money, so so is a single mother, right? So is a dual-income parent house where they both go to work and both come. It's not there's no reason why you can't be involved. Maybe because that individual can't cope themselves or hasn't learned the skills in life themselves to put their own feelings aside and and be there for their their kids, but it's demonstrated. Mom does it, so we can't. I think the clueless dad's the worst stereotype for us. Just because we're not, we don't know what we're doing, doesn't mean anything. You can still be involved and resourceful and figure things out. You learn to change a diaper. Maybe you're struggling with something. Well, take over another task, right? If I'm not the greatest cook, I know Nick's a way better cook than I am. But I will make sure that house is fucking clean. If I need to take the kid, the kids are annoying or all right. Let's let's go outside, let's go play, let's go run around, burn off some energy. Wherever I lack, I know my partner will pick up.

SPEAKER_00 23:07

That's a great team.

SPEAKER_02 23:08

Right?

SPEAKER_00 23:09

What's a team? Everyone has their own attributes, right? And you shine bright where you can shine bright, man. Like you said, you can't cook, but yo, I'll make sure it's spick and span. We sliding on these floors. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone picks, use your attributes and shine at them things, man. For real.

SPEAKER_03 23:27

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

I think that's that's that's great. I think the one of the other kind of media uh portrayed stereotypes for us is the disciplinarian, the the the enforcer that you know what dad says goes or his tone kind of drives the household. Uh and I remember seeing like Instagram videos, it's kind of a reel of like, you know, moms being the more emotionally supportive and and kind parent. You know, I saw this kid in a fridge stealing some snacks, and mom's like, hey, come on, you need to get out of the fridge, come on, please move. Then you hear dad in the background like get out of the fridge, and the kid jumps too, right? And and I don't I don't disagree that the the parents as a unit need to be disciplinarians, but I don't think dads in today's society are just the enforcer. I think you know, uh uh both parents need to be united on the front of how to handle their kids. Um, and it shouldn't just be one. You know, I think fathers are now being more involved in the emotional support, the nurturing side of things. And I think it's vital for our kids to learn, whether you have daughters or whether you have sons or both, that men can be emotional, that they can be supportive, that they're not just there to lay down the law. Um, but I think that's an important attribute to have. Uh, but I think the disciplinarians are uh, you know, another big stereotype in fatherhood.

SPEAKER_03 25:03

But now nowadays, in this this time, 2024, everybody's allowed to feel those feelings. You don't you're not expected to suck it up and just be a man.

SPEAKER_00 25:17

There's a bigger consciousness of mental health in general. 20 years ago, no one was really worried about single mom grinding. Is she okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is she okay? Yeah, the support, yeah. The village was there, but I think there was acceptance of depression. Go outside, take a walk. There was no one to talk to, there wasn't the medication. Like, I think there's a just a bigger conscience of mental health that gives us the freedom to be vulnerable to our kids or to society, right?

SPEAKER_01 25:54

Yeah, but like I think that we've maybe swung a bit too far into the, you know, everyone's got some sort of a diagnosis and and we're missing the point of learning to cope. And it's great. I love that, you know, I think when when I was going through the military, I was excited to be the disciplinary father at that time, right? At 15 years ago, I wanted to be tattooed up, big, and I wanted to just boom in the household. But looking now, I'm still I'm I'm soft, I just watch Netflix play video games. Like I'm I'm a pussy. Uh but I love that we have moved towards more emotional intelligence. I just think that we need to be able to, like moms do in their nurturing nature, teach coping mechanisms and how to feel what you're feeling. What are you feeling? I'm feeling fucking angry, I'm feeling frustrated, I'm feeling sad today, and then talk through it with those kids rather than shut up, just get outside, you'll go be happy. 100%.

SPEAKER_00 26:56

And by being able to be like this, it shows our daughters, our sons, hey, men have that side to them. So when when when she gets of age and she's out there and she's looking for the man that she's ready to marry, she's not only seeing that disciplinary side, that provider, whatever, she's she's realizing that okay, my father was able to like have a conversation with me and shows her the expectations of what a real man, husband in the household is supposed to be. So she is you're setting her up. She's gearing for, okay, it's not only like the masculine side, it's it's it's it's a mixture of two for what's idle to be in the home as a father or as a husband, right? Also, I do also think that it's needed that we have that little bit of stereotypical when daddy talks, it is what it is. Especially as young boys resorting back to the self-experience. Yeah, my mom can yell at me or whatever. But mom dudes y'all. You didn't have the fear. I didn't have that. Yeah, I'm gonna get yelled at, yeah, she might spank me a bit, but I'm still gonna jump out this window, but yeah, yeah, yeah. But like looking from the outside, I'm seeing my cousins and my uncles, and it's like, yo, bro, I'm not leaving the house, bro. Yo, yo, daddy say yo. So not to be like fearful, but I think it's I really do think it's needed that disciplinary stereotype from us.

SPEAKER_01 28:39

I think I think as we add items to our toolbox here, you know, uh I think as men generally, uh masculine natures at least, have that aggression, have that disciplinary by nature. And I think it's maybe it's just important for us to make sure that we're not just pigeonholed into the disciplinary. You know, I I I do agree that when dad says something, but I think you know, backing mom up too. When mom says something, fucking listen and be her enforcer, right? Rather than be the disciplinary of the house where you know, don't listen to your mom, listen to me, shut the fuck up. 100%. Instead, it's when mom says it, you say, you better be listening to mom, right? And backing her up. I think I think that that's important. And I think that that's uh, you know, the evolution of fatherhood here is taking what what was good from these stereotypes, you know. The the fun dad or the fun parent is someone who who provides controlled independence. Um maybe we just scrap the clueless father where we understand that you know, and accept in ourselves that we don't know everything, but we are resourceful enough to start to develop the skills that we need, or let mom take over where you lack, but back something else up. Hell yeah. Make sure that there's something there. And then the disciplinarian is where we we have that within us, but we learn the emotional side, the the nurturingness, the the you know, I heard something from uh I think it was his name's Pete Peterson. What's his name? He's he's a whatever. Yeah, we can edit that in. But he says it's better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war. So I think it's important for us to still have that disciplinary in us, but to learn to be delicate, to learn to handle emotions and to acknowledge them, than to just be the tyrant of the house. Emotional intelligence, man.

SPEAKER_00 30:36

You gotta have that emotional intelligence. Can't just be that rah-rah rah-rah.

SPEAKER_03 30:43

Gotta be well-rounded everywhere, every every department.

SPEAKER_01 30:48

I think that there's um like that, kind of one stereotype, maybe not stereotype, but something that I've fallen into. I have a hard time not allowing myself to fall into this, and I don't mean this specifically as the breadwinner. I don't care if I make more money than my wife or she makes more money, as long as we're coming together. But I want to provide to a fault almost everything that I can. I want to be able to get a house, get a car, provide my kids when they're 16 with a vehicle. However, I need to do that, I'm gonna find a way now. And I find myself falling into this because I know that that can also lead to, you know, the workaholic dad who's you know in meetings, he's working all hours, he's missing kids' shit. It's in every movie that we see. That will call up dad, I'm gonna miss your recital today, buddy. Sorry, I can't be there. I don't want to fall into that. But while being the best father that I can, I know that there's an urge or an energy in me to provide everything that I can for my wife and my kid. I want to have the ability to say to my wife, if you don't want to work, you don't have to, but if you want to, fucking get it and do it to the max. Whatever I want to be able to give her a situation where she can do whatever she wants in my house, right? And I'm not saying that that's an expectation that we have to have, but I gotta learn how to not put so much pressure on that type of stereotype. I think that you know, being a provider is ingrained in us, right? And I think that it's it's been ingrained through society, through social media, through expectations, being someone that came from a single mother household, seeing how much we accomplished with just mom and what she could provide, and thinking, fuck, I've got I've got a great partner. I can double what we were able to provide, I can double that experience, so to speak. But how do I just how do I crush it? How do I make sure that my girl can do whatever she wants? How can I make sure that my kid grows up the right values but has opportunities to do whatever they want? That's what I really want to do. And I think that's it's a good stereotype and a bad stereotype that we have to be the providers. I think it puts a lot of pressure on ourselves and creates fucking stress that is self-inflicted. My girl, as long as we as a team are paying the bill.

SPEAKER_00 33:27

That's what I like right there. That right there. Team, my friend. A lot of it was I, I, I, I. But when you realize that what you're about to build is a team effort, bro, wait. Oh, yeah, lift it. Yeah, and that's what we have to not to say program ourselves, but realize where we're at in life. Man, we can't do this by ourselves. Yeah, we want to be the providers and everything like that and give the world, but to do all that and take so much away from us in the long run, no hair stressed out, messy recitals. No, team, team, team. Yeah, yeah. Team us.

SPEAKER_02 34:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:11

Hey, babes, I want to give you the world, but what's the plan to get to that world? We gotta come up with that plan. Yeah, it can't only be me, can't only be on my shoulders. You can't win the Super Bowl by yourself. Big man, it's not only my homes. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Right? So when we realize that we're not by ourselves in this, like, this is not a generational thing where I'm my mom now and I'm trying to provide. No, sir. It's the team aspect, and we're gonna get to where we gotta go, and we're gonna give the whole world to this child, and you're gonna have what you want at home or not. There's gonna be a position that we both have to play.

SPEAKER_01 34:50

And I think I think that's as you're framing it like that. I think what allows me to think this way is that I know wherever I'm lacking at home for me, my girl has it. And I know that she's in support and will check me if I'm getting out of hand, but she's in support of you wanna go on this venture and and explore this option and and try and create this opportunity, go for it. But I know that she would hold me accountable if if I wasn't fucking participating, that she would say, Hey, buddy, you gotta check in. Don't forget, there's still a household, right? Yeah, so it's I I think maybe the reason why I'm able to feel this way is because I have the support at home that develops that. Come on, right?

SPEAKER_03 35:44

I have a unique uh view on this because I have the split home, right? And I I'm the sole uh, you know, it's just me, right? And I've got I've gotta go to work, but then as soon as I get home, uh I have to start cooking. And then as soon as I'm done cooking, I have to start cleaning. And then as soon as I'm done cleaning, I have to start getting everybody in their nightly routine to slow down. I've got to do as best as I can, mom and dad, in this household. I've got a great partner that comes and helps. Um she she's a breadwinner uh and helps us out uh absolute ton. She provides us with a ton of um a lot of fun experiences that I wouldn't be able to do by myself while I'm just trying to keep the baseline, like at least the food is healthy and the the uh the clothes are clean and and there's money coming in to pay the bills. And then on top of that, being able to make extra memories and stuff like that, you know, on the weekends when we don't we we could breathe a little bit when the the work week's done. And um, so yeah, mom and dad at the same household while co-parenting with somebody else who's running a whole completely different household, the balancing act, but you know, you just do your absolute best. And if you do burn out, you know, at least there's people there and the kids as well will they'll they'll recognize that and they'll give me a hug and make it feel better. Come on now, makes it you know it's uh yeah, yeah, it's uh it's it's wild.

SPEAKER_01 37:29

I think that name was Jordan Peterson. Uh Jordan Peterson. As you were saying that, there was something else that he said, which kind of you know alleviates some of the stresses of having to feel like the provider. And it resonates with me because I'm about to have a kid. He says from you know, zero to four or zero to six years old is such a unique time, like it's like nothing else. You're gonna have more kids, and that experience will replicate, but it is a once-in-a-lifetime type of experience, and you need to maximize your uh uh usage of that situation, right? Because it's there's nothing like that rapid growth of a child, right? Going from infant to baby to toddler to whatever. He says, as long as your bills are good, there's food on the table, you guys are comfortable, you don't have to have abundance, put the rest of your time into your kids, pour it in your family, pour it in, right? So I do understand, don't get me wrong, that I don't need to go out and buy next week have 25 million dollars. But I think it's just I want to make sure that we're always provided for and that we always have comfort. But I know I'm willing to sacrifice that view for just pouring into this family as much as I possibly can, and whatever little time I have left, start to grind out ideas, right?

SPEAKER_03 38:59

Well, that's the thing. I've seen a chart where uh the amount of time you get to spend with your kids and family, uh it starts really high. And then as time goes on, you know, when the kids go to college or when they go and move out and they start their own families, this the amount of time you get to spend with them goes down drastically. So those first few years are super important, and they will remember that you were there do like snuggling on the couch watching a movie. 100%. And uh they don't care about you grinding uh for $25 million. Yeah, yeah, they don't care that they don't have the brand name clothes when they at least have clean clothes and somebody to watch movies with or play dolls with or whatever. So that timeline, it that the amount of time you get with them, you know, is abundant at the beginning. So focus on that.

SPEAKER_01 39:50

It's a finite resource. Yeah, yeah. Time is valuable. And it's depleting constantly. You know, going back to what you said, Jeff, is it's wild to think about, you know, I'm just about to enter this experience, and I maybe have 18 to 20 summers of having them at home, and then they're gonna start to, you know, seek out their own life and create their own families and create their own independence. That's so small of a time. 18's not a big fucking number, right? 20, whatever. I know Ryan, you're you're on the air in the era where your kids are starting to move out or creating that independence that's coming up.

SPEAKER_00 40:29

If you think about how how old you say your youngest was so my youngest is 16, and then my middle is just turned 18, and then I have a 25-year-old granddaughter married, full into her career, just bought a home.

SPEAKER_01 40:44

But you've got, you know, with your youngest, some kids move out at 16, 17, 18. Yes, sir. Whether it's a household situation or they just fuck it, I want some independence, I got an opportunity. You've got two, three, four summers potentially, and that's so limited. That's such a a rare resource to have. I I love that analogy, I think that's great.

SPEAKER_03 41:08

That being said, as long as you set up the house on a solid foundation, 100%, you get to spend time with them for the rest of your your days.

SPEAKER_00 41:15

Like it's even more beautiful. It's beautiful. There you go. Oh, yeah, because growing up, focus on the memories, yeah, you know, pouring into them. Now it's just not to say it wasn't natural then, but it's just so automatic now, bro. Yeah, as they grow and become women, yeah, they want to spend daddy. Can we just go take a drive? Oh, yeah. I love that. That's awesome. Let's go. Or so stressed out about starting uni, having a little anxiety attack. Yeah, instead of being in that room by themselves, they're like, Daddy, it's okay. Let's go take a walk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's take a walk. Yeah. 40 minutes later, we're good. We're laughing while we walk back.

SPEAKER_03 41:54

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 41:54

As they get older, because of what you poured into them, they know you still, yeah, you have 18 summers, but that will last like until like 60 summers.

SPEAKER_03 42:04

And then like you said, grandchildren too now. Hey, you're gonna be around. What a time. I'm telling you. Um uh something I'm looking forward to. Well, every every stage of their life is unique. There's good and bad about every part of it when they're older. I'm looking forward to you know, me and my boy going on trips together when right now I don't have the resources to do that, or like taking my daughter to a concert that she really likes. I'm looking forward to that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00 42:31

Man, I could tell you this a little off topic. Me and my youngest is Zarya, call her Zayze. I love this one, she's such a gangster. Last summer we went to rock the park.

SPEAKER_03 42:41

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:42

Okay. Holy shit. First of all, born in 2006, she is a 90s baby straight up. Time of my life, bro. Like, it was so awesome just to experience that jaw rule of Shanti and my daughter. Not word for word, we were both vibing. It was greater than if I was chilling with my best friend for 25 years, and that's the realm I'm in right now. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:04

Beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 43:05

Awesome, bro. Just it just continues. And like, like I said, you pour into them, you give them that security blanket, you be real with them as they're young, and it just carries on as they get older and they want to be around you and they want to have these experiences, they want to go on trips, they want to go to concerts. Oh, yeah. You're not nagging them, they're asking. Someone buy the tickets, let's go. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 43:26

So don't be afraid of the 18 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As long as you, you know, in that 18 years, you do.

SPEAKER_01 43:31

You pour in on the best. Yeah, that's like uh uh compounding interest there, right? The more you pour in, it's I like that. It's good. I like the greatest investment. Yeah, exactly. That's awesome. So I think I think we've covered a lot. I think we've we've looked at uh how modern fatherhood isn't about breaking molds and these stereotypes, but it's about you know leaning into the the positive sides of them, creating almost new stereotypes. Uh, I don't know if We can look at the we got all the answers.

SPEAKER_00 44:51

All you gotta do is just wanna be there. You be good. Absolutely.