Freed Indeed - Going Deeper with God
Welcome to Freed Indeed, the podcast that explores what it means to have a real relationship with God—not the empty promises or endless demands of man-made religion—but daily, authentic intimacy with your Creator, in a relationship based on His unchanging character, not your performance.
Hosted by Pastor Rich Lasinski and his wife, author and speaker Kirsten Lasinski.
Freed Indeed - Going Deeper with God
Bulletproof Peace in Life's Battles
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Peace is easy to talk about when life is stable. It’s something else entirely when you’re grieving a child, fighting for access to your kids, and trying to keep your life from collapsing under accusations you never saw coming. That’s why this conversation with Jan Albicki hit us so hard: he’s walked through loss, injustice, and career upheaval, and somehow he isn’t bitter. He’s steady. He’s clear-eyed. And he keeps pointing back to Jesus as the only explanation for the calm that doesn’t make sense on paper.
Jan shares his first unforgettable encounter with God during a visit to Poland, then traces how faith became real for him in Las Vegas. He also opens up about being blindsided by severe allegations that led to being removed from his home and separated from his children, and how God met him immediately with two clear messages: “Jan, you’ll be okay” and “Stay silent and let Me do My work.”
We talk honestly about suffering and Christian faith, why “God won’t give you more than you can handle” falls apart in real life, and how Scripture sustains you in the battle. We also get practical about forgiveness, praying for those who hurt you, and what it means to be “free indeed” from the need for control, even when nothing feels resolved.
If you’ve been searching for a Christian podcast on peace that surpasses understanding, God’s sovereignty in suffering, divorce and estrangement, or holding faith under pressure, this one is for you. Subscribe to Freed Indeed, share this with someone who needs steadiness today, and leave a review so more people can find hope when life gets dark.
A Voice That Calms Fear
SPEAKER_02Time ago, I remember these two messages from the Lord and they were vocal. It wasn't like a feeling. It was him, you know, speaking because I can st I I still remember that voice because I still hear that voice. But it was two things that he kept on telling me. He kept on telling me, Jan, you'll be okay. And um Jan, stay silent and let me do my work.
SPEAKER_01Well, welcome to Freed Indeed, the podcast where we talk about what it actually looks like to live free in Christ. I'm not talking about the bumper sticker version, not the everything's great because I prayed for my parking spot version, the real one. And I'm Rich. As always, I'm here with my better half of this operation, my wife and co-host Kirsten.
SPEAKER_00Hello, hello, everyone. We are really glad you're here today because this one is going to be good. Rich, do you want to set this up for us?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so here's the thing about today's guest. His name is Jan Albiki. And I've known Jan for quite a while now through work. He's one of the best salespeople that I've ever been around, which, if you know the sales world, means he's either a saint or a sociopath. And I'm happy to report he's a saint and one of the kindest human beings I know, and I mean that. Um but Jan has walked through some things in the last few years that most of us wouldn't even survive without a m complete meltdown. I mean, everything from things with his family, things with his career, circumstances that were completely out of his control, and frankly, just not fair. And I mean, I'll let him tell that story, but what I want you to notice is what he does is what's not there.
SPEAKER_00And that's what makes this conversation worth having. Because Jan isn't angry, bitter, or destroyed. He has peace, real peace, and we want to know why.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I Philippians 4 that calls that peace um the the peace that surpasses understanding, and and I can say Jan's living it. He we want to dig into that, what God's sovereignty actually looks like when things fall apart. So, Jan, thank you for being here, man. Seriously.
SPEAKER_02Thank you, Rich, and thank you, Kirsten, for having me here.
SPEAKER_00Really appreciate it.
First Memory Of God In Poland
SPEAKER_00Okay, so we started the show, the same question for all our guests because it's really interesting to hear what people say. What is your first memory of God?
SPEAKER_02Sure. So my first memory of God is really in my early 20s. Um, it was I was on a trip back to Poland visiting my family, and we went to the port town of Gdańsk. And in Gdańsk, there's beautiful, you know, cathedrals and churches, you know, as there are all over Europe. And there was a really, really beautiful church that was being restored, and had the opportunity to walk to the very top of the uh church. You know, you were walking on different platforms to get the top, and it was a really beautiful view. And I remember looking out at the Baltic, and everything was just great. Started walking down um back to the bottom floor of the church where the sanctuary is, and I just had a seat there for a second. I sat down and I had my sister on one side of me and my father on the other. And I looked straight up and there was a cross there with a crucifixion. And I distinctly remember starting to tremble a little bit. Wow. Um, and then I have no idea why, but tears started pouring out. I the last thing that I really remembered is my sister tugging my dad and then walking out of the church, you know, just kind of leaving me alone. And when I looked at that crucifixion, um, it was just the craziest supernatural thing. Um, it was like a film in front of me, black and white, of all of the really dark times and the mistakes that had been happening up to then. And it was uh a point of just, I remember there just trembling, looking at it and not really understanding. And then I remember getting up and walking out of that church and um you know, knowing that that that was God showering himself all over me. And I'm not gonna say that at that point I completely surrendered. It's always been increasing, but not immediate. Um, but at that point, that was the first time that you know, um, God just showered himself over me.
SPEAKER_00Wow, that's incredible. I don't think people realize how kind and merciful God is and how he reaches people, you know.
SPEAKER_01Whatever means necessary, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's incredible.
SPEAKER_02Glad you were paying attention.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And I remember walking out, and there wasn't necessarily shame with it. You know, it was just uh I I don't know if it was conviction or what it was, but it was definitely him saying, you know, come to me, come on. In Polish or English?
SPEAKER_00Good question. You know what?
SPEAKER_02Good question, because people ask me that a lot. I believe those in English because when I pray, um I you pray in English? Yes. Nice.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's amazing.
SPEAKER_02And you dream in English. I always wonder about these. Ah, you know what? I'd say that's 50-50 because I've had some really cool Polak dreams too.
SPEAKER_00Oh, that's well, God speaks every language, right? And probably some we don't know.
SPEAKER_01So it's a pleasure having another Polok on the show, finally. This is great.
SPEAKER_00Well, before we get into the heavier stuff, if you don't mind, maybe just tell us a little bit about yourself, um, who you are, where you're from, and how did faith kind of start to become more real to you?
SPEAKER_02Sure.
Growing Up Polish Catholic Without Relationship
SPEAKER_02Well, I'm an immigrant from uh Poland. So uh we were able to leave uh Poland during the communist years in uh 81. My father had an opportunity to uh get us over here. So I was about a year and a half old when we migrated over here, and then we weren't able to go back and visit Poland until the Iron Curtain fell in uh '89. So I know that that was a big step for my uh parents, but moved from Poland to upstate New York, and um we moved right into a Polish community there, which was really nice. So in upstate New York and Rochester, there's a church, I'll never forget its name, is St. Stanisław Church. And that was really what everything revolved around. So I was in Polish Boy Scouts, you know, that would be in the basement of the church, you know, Sunday school. The Polish mechanic was across the street, you know, so it was a complete Polish um community like that. So I was baptized and had my communion at a really early age, but there was never any presence of God or the Lord in our household. Um, so you know, I don't, you know, my my parents, I think, were doing what they, you know, knew at the uh time. Um, so everything revolved around the uh church, had a pretty good upbringing, but Jesus and God just uh weren't there. It was more of a full formality. And the journey to uh Colorado was a great too. You know, going up, I um had the privilege. I I'd say through my father, my uh parents split when I was about 13 years old, and then I ended up being with my father. And um uh ski racing was a huge part of my life. And Colorado was always one of these places that I just dreamed of, but I never knew how I was gonna get out there. And I got really lucky. Uh senior year is I didn't really know where I was gonna go to college and doing a lot of applications. I got a call from the coach at Western State University down in Gunnison, so I ended up going from upstate New York to Gunnison, Colorado, and that's what got me here.
SPEAKER_00When did God stop being like a background character for you and and become kind of the author of the story for you? I know you mentioned it's gradual, which it really is for most of us.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Sure. So
Finding Jesus In Las Vegas Church
SPEAKER_02I was working in Denver, Colorado for Nike for a little bit, and then Nike gave me an opportunity to go out to Las Vegas, Nevada at the ripe age of 25 or 26. So I moved from Denver to Las Vegas. My sister lived out there, which was good. Um, and then I worked with Nike for a bit, and then I jumped over to MGM Grand, and that was really an exciting job. And I lived on the southwest side um of uh town. And I remember driving by this big church all the time, and the name of the church is the crossings, and the pastor at that time, not sure if he's still there, but Pastor Shane will always have a really deep place in my heart. So I'm driving by this church, and it says, you know, come as you are, and all these different uh slogans. So I remember walking in, and the first time that I walked in, I was really shocked, you know, because I came from a Catholic church and uh the uh crossings is a big mega church that just you know pours out its love. It's a Bible preaching church. And I walked in all of a sudden, I saw guys with jean shorts on. I saw guys with hats on, I saw, you know, women dressed kind of alternatively, and I was hearing this overwhelming rock music, and I was kind of turned off being like, what is this? So I remember putting my uh hands over my ears during the I'm gonna say, you know, previously I thought rock music and waiting for the sermon to uh start. Then the next, I believe, three or four services, I would on purpose show up late after the rock music was done and just listen to the uh service. And I started getting tongues there. And then I remember walking in one time during worship and just having this overpouring of just love, just seeing everybody with their hands up, just praising everything to Jesus. Um, and that's really the uh first time that I started, you know, um just seeing that community and seeing Jesus really starting to work in me. And so it's the crossings church in uh Las Vegas, Nevada that really started saving me.
SPEAKER_00Praise God. I love how the Holy Spirit works. Yes, you know, it's such a mystery, but you can't deny it when you see it.
SPEAKER_02Right. And you know, move moving to Sin City and getting saved there was beautiful.
SPEAKER_00Isn't yeah, it doesn't God have a sense of it.
SPEAKER_02Because at age 25, you know, there's a lot of desires and temptations, and so the Lord was helping.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Well, because a lot of people have faith when life's going well, right? I mean, it's it's easy to trust God when the the bills are paid, everyone loves you, but I feel like there's a a version of your story where you know uh uh you didn't get to get to keep that version of it, uh did ya?
SPEAKER_02No, yeah. Things uh, you know, things don't go as planned, but I know that God's always got good plans for me and He's got the next steps written. And uh yeah, so there were some some trials that was sunshine and flowers after uh after you gave your life to Jesus. Right.
Job Loss, Move To Chicago, New Baby
SPEAKER_02Um so moved uh met my ex uh wife in uh Las Vegas, and then when we wanted to start a family, uh we moved back here to Denver. Uh, thought that would be a better place to start a family. Um, and actually as soon as we uh moved here, it was it was my first time letting go of a job, uh not having another one lined up, but she had a uh great job coming out here. Well, she got let go at seven months pregnant, so all of a sudden we had just purchased a house in Roxboro and were both jobless. Um so I reached out to my former contacts over at MGM and they got me a job, but it was in Chicago, Illinois. Uh so packed up the uh, you know, packed her up seven months pregnant and moved to uh Chicago. Um and in Chicago we uh um settled down there for a bit and had our first son there, Yannick, which was a uh which was an absolute blessing. That was August of 2014. And then really the first really big trial um that I was put through through Jesus is I had a daughter that was born um in December of 2015.
Losing A Daughter And Facing Grief
SPEAKER_02She was born on December 20th, and she uh passed on December 25th um in my arms at Hinsdale Hospital. And that was really the first time that, you know, it's really easy to kind of cruise and say that God's awesome, you know, when you're kind of on top of mountains, but then you start going uh other places and yeah, and then that's what happened. So that was really the uh first uh trial there, and um, and God was just overwhelmingly gracious and uh good and and uh helped through of that. After that happened, had an opportunity to move our family back to Colorado, which was which was really good, um, you know, because we wanted to go back there. I remember telling my ex-wife that I'll that I'd get us back in three years, and I got us back in two. So that uh that was good and uh came back here and uh really um got back grounded in uh 2016. We uh both had uh good jobs. Um and then uh about uh well not about, but then Father's Day of uh 2021, um, you know, my uh world absolutely uh went upside down. You know, and uh and now that's when I uh got to go and you know through another trial. And now I realize that there's a lot of joy and suffering because you get sculpted through all of that.
SPEAKER_00Before before you maybe get a little more into that, the previous years, you know, moving to Chicago, losing jobs, losing your child, where were you spiritually in all that? Would you say you were really dialed in with the Lord? Was it a little more hit and miss? You know, what did faith look like for you in those years?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, good question. When I was in sh Chicago, I would say that I was still one foot in, one foot out, and that I was willing to surrender what was easier to surrender, but I was very um intent on controlling what I could control. Um, I still had this attitude of if it's to be, it's up to me.
SPEAKER_00Um don't we all though?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It's yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. And so at uh that point, I definitely wasn't surrendered and I didn't believe that Jesus had my next steps written. Yeah. Um, and so you know, church would be, you know, going maybe every once in a while, but but there wasn't really much of a relationship with the uh Lord.
SPEAKER_00Do you I've heard it described uh people say that we treat the Lord like a spare tire. We kind of keep him in the in the trunk while we're driving, and then when we need him, we'll take him out, you know.
SPEAKER_02God was just so good and gracious. There's something that he just put onto my heart that I get to share too through that whole experience is, you know, going through that was really rough.
A Medical Bill Disappears Overnight
SPEAKER_02But then I remember maybe six or seven days after she passed, you know, and medical companies don't, you know, don't uh wait with bills. And I remember getting this uh bill um because uh Olenka was in the NICU for five days straight, and there was a lot of different experts and a lot of different people coming in. So I remember getting this bill six or seven days later, and it was a little bit more than $260,000. And I and I panicked. Um, you know, because she had been in one hospital, then she needed to take a special ambulance with you know, um, special tools for her to another hospital. I guess all this stuff's very, you know, expensive. Some people rushing in were in network, some were out of network. It's not like I'm asking questions of, hey, are you authorized? Right, exactly. You know, are you authorized to save my daughter or should I, you know, ask someone else? So I remember going through that, and I really want to mention the still missed program at Hensdale Hospital um in sh in Chicago. It was a program there for, you know, parents that had lost their um, you know, children in the NICU. And no one's ever told me this to this day. Um, it's just something that I really believe to uh be true because that bill, it disappeared about a month later. And the only thing that anyone could ever tell me is that somebody took care of it. So, you know, that's all Jesus, that's all God's grace, that's all God's pro provisions. And, you know, that's in that's an angel, that's someone here that, you know, took that worry away and they took it away quickly. No idea how it happened. Um, might never know, but you know, bless the Lord and and and and bless the people that helped because that was unbelievable.
SPEAKER_01My goodness. Well, you left off uh the story where you moved back to Colorado and and um I know things got complicated in your uh your marriage. Um I mean can you walk us through what happened as much as you're comfortable sharing?
SPEAKER_02Yes, sure.
Returning To Colorado And Serving
SPEAKER_02Um so moved back to Colorado and then uh at uh that that point, as soon as I moved back to uh Colorado, I was I was really ready to dive into what I still joke about and call sometimes Jesus swagger. You know, I was I was ready for all the Jesus uh swagger. I was just ready to uh dive in. And really what happened is at that point I I started uh serving um at a church in Highlands Ranch with their worship team and their per production team. And I always joke, you know, thinking about how I first walked in the crossings in in Las Vegas in like 2006, 2007, be like, oh my gosh, what's this rock music to announce serving, you know, on the worship team and the production team at my home church here. And you know, I uh can't imagine a day without worship. So it's you know, so that's just really beautiful. Um, but you know, had uh as soon as we moved back here, uh Natalia, uh my daughter was born in 2017, and then we had Stefan, my youngest, born in 2019. So uh that was really that was really beautiful. Um but you know, there were some things that were missing from my uh marriage for for sure. And you know, I believe that the first thing that was missing from my marriage is while my wife and I were both b believers, myself as head of the household and shepherding that family, um, you know, uh I uh that it wasn't at the level that it would be at now. And I know that looking back, hindsight's always 2020, but I uh do see lots of times how you know the foundations of you know, like that firm found foundation, that really, you know, strong bed of rock, that's all uh Jesus. So not necessarily going into you know marital problems or uh marital things, but at the same time saying, you know, Jesus was missing.
Blindsided By Severe Allegations
SPEAKER_02Uh and then Father's Day of 2021 rose around, and uh, you know, I don't I don't really know what else to say other than this is when it got really dark. Um, you know, there were some problems with my um marriage, but nothing I would call s serious and never thought that a divorce would happen. And on Father's Day of 2021, I was um rocked with some um very serious allegations um at that time as it related to my three-year-old daughter, um, and then also as it related to my two sons. Um and uh it the severity of the allegations um led me to be removed from my house. Um so Father's Day of 2021, I remember going to church. And what was happening, and there was a lot of confusion. Um, but my children were, you know, not with me on uh uh uh Father's Day. And um again, you know, the most serious allegations that you could ever think of as it relates to a three-year-old girl and then two boys is what I was facing. Um, so that was on the 21st of June 2021. On the 28th of June, which was Stefan's birthday, um, I was sitting in Douglas County court with emergency court orders and um, you know, completely being removed from all of my kids. And uh that's that's kind of when things started.
SPEAKER_00And that it sounds like you were just blindsided.
SPEAKER_02I was completely blindsided. Um, you know, I uh at first I thought it was all like a joke or a made-up story or this was all gonna fizzle out within a couple days. Um, and then it ended up being, you know, a and it ended up being about a two and a half year fight until I finally completely s surrendered to God because I know that every wage uh every war that he wages, he wins. And I had to completely stop uh fighting and just give it all to him, but it was a really, really, really tough thing to do.
SPEAKER_00And where where was God in all this for you? You know, how did he meet you in that?
SPEAKER_02Yeah,
God’s Two Messages At The Reservoir
SPEAKER_02he met me immediately. Um when I'm saying em, you know, immediately. Uh I remember specifically driving out to Dillon Reservoir and just standing there like on a rocky shore. And I remember looking up at the sky. And uh, Rich, I know I share this with you once like a long time ago. I remember these two messages from the Lord, and they were vocal. It wasn't like a feeling, it was him, you know, speaking because I can s I I still remember that voice because I still hear that voice. But it was two things that he kept on telling me. He kept on telling me, Jan, you'll be okay. And um, Jan, stay silent and let me do my work, which to me at that time seemed impossible. I I had horrific allegations against me. I was working with lawyers, I was going through polygraphs, behavioral analysis tests, you know, all this stuff. And also by God's grace, um, I was never charged with anything. Um, and, you know, I'd say by God's grace, you know, I had really good lawyers, and obviously, you know, um, I was doing everything voluntarily to make sure that, you know, eyes weren't going to be put on me anymore. Um, but then I got put into a very, very challenging situation where the criminal division of the state sided with me and never charged me with any crimes after nine months of of investigating me. Um, but family services um, you know, uh thought that there was something there and uh that was a uh tough battle to uh win. Um but going back, Kirsten, to your question is um I uh I definitely would not have been have been able to endure this or get through it in a responsible way without getting myself in trouble if it wasn't for the Lord. Uh there was a um there was something that came up in a devotional last week when I was doing a Bible plan, and Tara Lee Koble actually said this in the Bible recap. And it was uh, whatever God calls you to endure with him is better than in any abundance without him. And I just uh kept on going there because uh, you know, Jesus was my uh absolute rock. He was he was the one to appraise when things were going good. And I remember getting messages like, don't lament the hardship, you know, lean into this. And um and through there I really felt for the first time that I was really truly getting sculpted.
unknownWow.
SPEAKER_02And that he was really working um things in me because while it was a very scary time, uh scary physically, scary mentally, scary, you know, emotionally, it wasn't a scary time spiritually because I kept on feeling like I was just drawing closer and closer to him, and he was definitely um hovering, you know, in me and over me and giving me all the protection that I needed. But I'm also not gonna sit here and be like, you know, he totally had me and it and it was good because it was very tough the whole time, but it just kept on going back to him.
Wrestling With “Why” And Learning Suffering
SPEAKER_01I know a lot of people wrestle with um this question, but were there moments where you were just done where you looked at God and said, I have no idea what you're doing.
SPEAKER_02I don't understand it here, and I'm not sure if I can keep trusting you, or no, there was definitely um, like in the first year, there was a lot of confusion where I definitely wasn't wrestling with, you know, leaving him. Um, but I was definitely wrestling with a lot of confusion and a lot of why, you know. Um it's like uh when my uh daughter passed, you know, I re I remember the chaplain telling me um back in Chicago, um, you know, you can ask yourself a lot of questions, but the one thing that you that you that you really sometimes can't ask yourself is, you know, why did this happen? You know, I wanted justification for why my daughter, God God willing, is with the Lord now and not not with me. I I wanted to know why. And so I was kind of wrestling with that question too. Um, in you know, 2021 going into 2022, is asking myself, you know, why is this happening and why am I here and what am I doing?
SPEAKER_00Um I feel like, especially in America these days and the church in America, often we don't have a good theology of suffering. Like we kind of think it's supposed to be all health and wealth and going my way, you know. Do you feel like you had a grasp of God's purpose and suffering before all this going into it? Or was it more something that was formed as you went through this?
SPEAKER_02It was formed as I uh went through it. And I remember, you know, especially when I read the book of Job, and I was like, oh, the world's not designed to prevent suffering, and there's a lot of growth in this because I could feel the growth as painful as it was, I could feel other things opening up. And I could feel, and now looking back, I know that you know, God is so so so good, and He'll take me out of places where I don't belong, and he'll put me in other places, and it's not up to me. And I have two choices. I can either fight it and try and force it and be like, no, I don't want to do it the this way, but that's like in swimming upstream, you know, not having Jesus uh guiding me.
SPEAKER_00And so yeah, did you you know, when I think about suffering, I always think about Jesus and the man of sorrows acquainted with grief, and like he knows. Yes, like he's been falsely accused. You know what I mean? Like there's no pain we go through that he has not endured. Do you did you were you able to go to him in that way, you know, and think about like Jesus, you know, you know what I'm going through. And I don't know, there's such comfort for me in that when we go through trials.
SPEAKER_02You know, what you're saying right there, you know, definitely warmed my heart because I do remember, you know, getting those messages or or just knowing and praising God to him and saying, Hey, I know that you're not putting me through anything that you've already been through.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02You know, and I was always used to hear the saying, oh, you know, God's never gonna give you more than you can handle. I was like, Oh, this is more than I can handle right here.
SPEAKER_00So not true.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and I'd be like, this is a lot more than than I can handle.
SPEAKER_01Um Well, I know the Psalms are full of like the laments. I mean, it's in the Bible, and David didn't just write, you know, all the the highlight rails. He wrote the real thing. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? That's scripture. That's not a a faith failure, that's a man being real with God. And it's um, yeah, interested to hear your your perspective and and uh your experience with that as well.
SPEAKER_02And you know, reading through, you know, definitely first Samuel and 2nd Samuel, and then through through those psalms during the process help helped me so much when David was running. Why Saul doing this to me and why am I, you know, and you know, that definitely yeah.
SPEAKER_00It sounds like God's word was really important to you in that season. Can you maybe just speak to that a little bit, like how maybe certain passages or script, you know, things really ministered to you when you were going through it?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Uh
Galatians, Psalms, And Choosing The Spirit
SPEAKER_02to me, it was definitely Galatians for sure, was going over and over, keeping in step with the spirit and desire of the flesh versus fruit of the spirit. And that was with me. Thank you for asking, because I actually forgot about that. I had to take a quick second. I was like, wait, where was I then? And I remember going back to that the entire time saying, Hey, my desires are to fight. There's jealousy, there's rage, there's anger, um, I want retaliation. You know, I want people to know that I didn't do this and I want fingers pointed elsewhere. And I was like, oh, that's all fleshy stuff. That's all the desire of my flesh. And then, you know, when you go into the fruit of the spirit, you know, it's, you know, that's that's exactly where I needed to sit, and that's where God wanted me to sit. And I remember reading over, you know, um, that book over and over and over, and it would just really help keep me with with his fruit. Um, and a lot of times when I would think about something, uh, because I had a lot of sinister thoughts throughout the whole process. I had a lot of thoughts that would just come to mind, but um, through the power of a God, you know, he would extinguish those and um, you know, keep me on the course.
SPEAKER_00That's amazing. Amazing testimony. I know it's gonna bless people who hear this. Because I know we have uh, you know, listeners who are up against something insurmountable, they just can't see how they're gonna make it through. And I feel like you're giving them a little bit of a map, you know, of what it looks like to to cling to the Lord.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I just kind of came across the the phrase this week that the the fruit that we're praying that God gives us, you know, that fruit of the spirit um is grown in the soil that we're praying that God will take us out of. And it's just interesting that those those circumstances, those experiences are what create that um fruit in our lives and and uh make you the the man that you are today, right?
SPEAKER_02And then one more thing that I remember I going back to is in the book of John with the vine dresser. I went through that a lot, being like, it's okay, you know, I'm just getting plucked, you know, I'm just I'm just getting pruned, and you know, and uh I don't want to be in that burning fire, you know, I want to be growing with him. And so, you know, um, you know, and I had a pastor recently tell me that, you know, every decision is a worship moment, and you're either worshiping the Lord or you're worshiping the uh devil. And that was kind of going back to that moment too, being like, however big or small the choice or decision is, it's like who who do I want to worship and who do who do I want to give it to? So Book of John was definitely really instrumental too.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Something we um there's a big theme in biblical counseling that what rules your heart rules your life. You know, so your your comments about a choice of what to worship is very, I don't know, it just it just pierces, you know, like is Christ ruling my heart or is my flesh is something else? Right, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, because only he can soften that heart. And that's another thing that I felt through this whole process is the heart just getting softer and softer. Yeah, because then I realized through that that there's no degree of suffering, you know, or I don't see any d degrees or suffering anymore. You know, you could have a little big little thing happen, or you can have a big thing happen, it's still s suffering, and there's still pain in involved in that. And whether it's big or small, you know, the um how to get through it, you know, never changes. And it's just going straight to God because uh as I open up my heart and as I yell out to him, and as I just sometimes pray and I just say, God, just please help. And then I just listen, you know, I just try and listen for what he's saying, and um, and that that's really like where the joy and the wisdom comes in. And I think another huge part of how he sculpted me as well, um, I'd say graduating from knowledge to wisdom. You know, everything that I kind of knew on a piece of paper, um, because it was maybe easy for me sometimes to recite a verse, but not feel it. But the wisdom is, you know, that's where the fruit's at for me. Is, you know, know, you know, acting and you know, staying by his right hand and just glorifying him with the actions because that's where the peace and the joy is.
Injustice, Surrender, And Protecting The Heart
SPEAKER_00When I think when I hear your story, I think how uh injust it must have felt, unjust, you know. Just and and I just wonder how do you surrender that need for justice?
SPEAKER_02So it still to me is unjust, but um surrender a lot, you know. So, you know, just to you know really be clear, uh 2021 is the last time that I saw my daughter. Yeah, 2024 is the last time that I saw my um youngest son. I was, you know, obviously trying to be the best um dad that I could be in this situation, but each time that I saw them, it'd be just more allegations and more stuff kind of thrown at me. And after a while, you know, I had to protect myself, um, you know, to uh make sure that I was okay. And so when you're um and so, you know, going back to your question about, you know, the injustice, I I still sometimes, you know, sometimes on like a weekly or bi-weekly basis, you know, I'll I'll I'll get into my flesh really strong for a second and be like, I'm gonna go fight this and this can't be okay. But God, you know, God, God brings me a lot of wisdom and he brings me a lot of messages. Um, a lot of those are very personal between him and I. Um, but I know that he's guiding me and I know that he's got good plans for me. I used to pray to God that he would bring my kids back, and then I realized that that prayer doesn't work because then I'm asking God to do something that might not be in alignment with exactly the direction where he's going with that at that moment. So now I just pray to God that he just, you know, directs my steps according to his word, and that he just protect he just gives a lot of protection and covering for my kids. And you know, that's trusting in him.
SPEAKER_01Also, just when the dust is maybe starting to settle, life looks at you and says, you know what would make this better?
Getting Fired And Watching God Provide
SPEAKER_01Less. So you lose your you lose your job. And Jan, I want to be careful here because I don't want to put words in your mouth, but I'll say what I know that you were good at what you did. And so that's not why it ended. So how did that one land on top of everything else going on in your life? Yeah, good question.
SPEAKER_02I think we're gonna talk about this, but let's go. This is great. Um, because it is just part of the testimonial, and it's not me talking about anything in my life, it's just praising the Lord and just continuously glorifying how he's working in my life and the uh power that he has in the midst of any trials. You know, I uh I think about Paul in the book of Acts. I mean, come on, you know, prisoner island getting yeah, shipwrecked, getting bit by a python, was it? Or viper. Kind of viper. Yeah, again, by a viper. I'm like, oh wow, okay. Yeah, exactly. Beaten. Right. But then, you know, we know the uh end result of of what God was working in a Paul. So uh with my job, um, I uh was good and I am very good at what I do, and that's just boasting to the Lord, or or that's just giving it all to the Lord. Um, you know, he gives us all spiritual gifts, and and we just get to use the gifts that he gives us. So I um love you know what the Lord is doing in my life. Um, but yeah, I was uh working uh for a company, um and I um out of the blue, I was terminated from my uh job um on uh June 1st. So it was at the beginning of last month, and that came as a complete shock to me because the first thing I thought is, well, I have a mortgage and I have child support, so those are two non-negotiables, and what am I going to do? But here's the really cool thing, and Rich, I was sharing this with you before is that when I was terminated from the job, it was like a peaceful washing over me. And and I went home and I remember being in the car and being like, You should be getting mad. And I was almost coaching it myself to get into my flesh because I was like, hey, she could be mad, you know, you know, with the money, with how it happened. Exactly, yeah, yeah. So um that happened, and then about a week or two after that happened, you know, I was I was praying and I and I realized this is again the Lord just taking me out of a place where he doesn't want me to be or it's not part of his plan and putting me somewhere where he's gonna have you know a beautiful plan for me, but I really get to uh surrender. And so, you know, looking back to my um marriage, I don't know what what would have happened if that didn't happen, but I know that God took me out of somewhere to protect me, and I have that trust and I have that faith in him. And the same exact thing with uh my job here is that the Lord just said, You know what, for whatever reason, maybe you're not stewarding the money the way that I want you to, or maybe you're focusing on other things or something's there and him just picking me me out of it. Now, the amazing thing with that is, and uh Kirsten and I was sharing this with you, I think just before we started, is that God's always got the next steps written, and it's so hard to trust in him sometimes. But I always go back to now my testimonials from from the past being like, well, why should I question when he's proving to me over and over and over and over, hey, I've got you. You just need to surrender and you need to go and you know, follow my steps, and you're gonna be okay. Uh, because back in February of this year, uh there was a competitor that had already started speaking uh to me. And of course, God put that person there back in February to start that process. So then when I was terminated from my my job, I was maybe unemployed for a total of four days before I received a soft offer letter from this next uh person. And, you know, who did all that? God, you know, he was just he was framing all of those steps. And so yeah, it really stunk to to get fired, and there was a lot of things there where I was just like, err, you know, just really, really mad about a lot of things, but God just washed over that very, very quickly. And sometimes it's tough to have words for Jesus and how he's working. Um, but all I can say through my experiences and through my testimonial is that um he just uh he just shows up. And if I just um if I just let him speak to me, and if I just really, you know, if I fight on my knees, you know, that's uh right where I need to be with him. So good.
SPEAKER_01I was really mad too, because you sold a lot of stuff for me, man. So don't worry, Rich. I'll continue to. Glad to hear you're gonna land somewhere soon. But well, this is the part I keep coming
Romans 8:28 Without The Cliches
SPEAKER_01back to. Um, Romans 8.28 gets quoted a lot in situations like this, like all these tough times you've been through that all things work together for good for those who love God. We love putting that on little cards after it all hits the fan for you. You know, people throw at each other sometimes like this spiritual band-aid, and you know, just slap it on, walk away, problem solve, which is great, unless you are the one bleeding. So I'll ask it the honest way. What does that verse actually mean to you after living through what you've lived through?
SPEAKER_02When it comes to my relationship now with God, I wouldn't have it any other way. And it's not that I would invite these trials and tribulations back in, but I wouldn't have it any other way with him because going back to your question, like what's the there's there's no end result because there's no end, but like what's the r result now? You know, let's say 2021, Father's Day versus present day of 2026, you know, validation, approval, satisfaction from other people's all gone. And that's a really, really peaceful place to uh be, like super peaceful place. Um you know, there's this other these bumper stickers or these things that say Christians don't fear, right? But now I understand that more also going, you know, back to um your verse, is that now I understand that more too, because you know, really when you're with God and you're following him, of course there's gonna be fears and there's gonna be scares that come up at the end of the day, you know, knowing that God's always per protecting us and God always, you know, is um, you know, he's that good uh shepherd, and also knowing that, you know, death comes, but I also get really excited about what happens when I leave the flesh. You know, and uh that's when I understand now what it means, you know, to not fear. What I do fear is there's you know, there's one thing in my life that I always will fear, and that's fearing life without God.
SPEAKER_00There's a pastor in the 1700s, John Newton, he actually wrote the hymn Amazing Grace, right? He has a quote, he's I wrote in the on the front cover of my Bible, actually. He said, Everything is necessary that God sends. Nothing can be necessary that God withholds. So looking back over all of this, what what are some of the necessary things that God accomplished in you through all of this? I know that's a big question. So you mean he's thinking of one, maybe.
SPEAKER_02The thing that keeps on coming up is giving up control and how absolutely beautiful that's up been. Um, you know, he uh he's made my life really easy in in ways. It's like the the closer that I draw to him, the easier it is. And also the closer that I draw to him, the more yucky and gross Sin feels. Um, and so, you know, there's always temptations, there's always desires, you know. Um, but you know, now being a 46 year old single man, um, you know, I I got to the point where I now trust myself fully because I'm in him. And I think that's a good way of uh saying it. Uh, because before I'd maybe question some decisions or I wouldn't trust myself with certain things. And And you know, now he's um yeah, now with his path um and and what he does every single minute and all the things that he all the billions of things every minute that he does that I don't even see, you know, there's a lot of rest and there's a lot of comfort in of that. Um and so I know, you know, maybe the phrases of, you know, he's sculpting me or sharpening me, I know that those are, you know, really top-level phrases, but that's really what I go down to is that I feel every single day that he's just you know chiseling off, you know, pieces that I don't need to be there. So when I say that he has good good plans for me, I'm I'm really excited for what's next. And also, you know, bring on the trials, you know, because those aren't gonna end, but but I've got Jesus with me.
SPEAKER_00So it's one of those, you know, you know, going to him and it makes me think of of Paul in Philippians saying, I've learned to be content in any circumstance. That's that's what I hear from you. Yeah. That's incredible. Because in Christ, in Christ, I can do all things, this, whatever this is, because he will give me strength. Yeah, that's amazing.
SPEAKER_01Well, there is that verse in Philippians 4, too, the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in in Christ Jesus. Guard like man, like a garrison, like like pieces and just a feeling you get. It's this protection that gets, you know, stationed at the door of your heart. I feel like you've you've probably felt that. You've you've been there.
Praying For Those Who Hurt You
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and the other thing that Jesus has really put over me in the last two years, because it was really hard to do in the beginning. And each time I'm praying, he puts it over me, I'm like, oh, why? But okay, like you know, yes, let's uh go for it, is really um, really praying for, I don't want to call them enemies, but really praying for, praying for everybody and specifically God. Most times when what when I'm in prayer is putting on my heart the people who I believe have hurt me the uh the most. And there's really beautiful power and uh joy in in really praying for people um who have hurt you and and just praying that they're okay because at the end of the day, you know, we're all daughters and sons in in Christ, and you know, he wants to make heaven crowded and uh you know, and and so, you know, everybody's you know, I want everybody to uh to be with him, and so really praying for the people who have hurt me the most has been something that he's really shown me to. That he's really shown me to.
SPEAKER_00And I mean, uh when do we get to identify with Jesus more than praying for our enemies, you know, or I don't know if enemies is the right word, but yeah, offering that forgiveness and how that protects your heart from growing bitter from resentment, you know.
SPEAKER_02And knowing that ultimately he's the uh judge. Because lots of times I've been like, okay, you know, when are things gonna happen? When's someone get in trouble? And at the end of the day, I'm like, you know, it's it's uh him that's ca uh controlling this.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and what you're describing there isn't peace. Because everything gets okay, it's peace in the middle of not okay, and that's a huge difference, and that's what Paul's describing too. He wrote Philippians from from jail, not uh not on vacation on the beach, right?
What Being Free Indeed Means
SPEAKER_00So this show is called Freed Indeed, based on John 8 36. If the sun sets you free, you will be free indeed, right? What does it mean to you to be free given all that you've gone through, the journey the Lord has brought you on? What does that look like for you to be free?
SPEAKER_02Having one father, um, having a um not having to think about what's right or what's wrong or how to act or what to do. You know, it's so beautiful. Um, because many times, you know, when I'm confused about something, I'll just say to myself, Well, is God okay with that? And I promise you that there's never been like a stalemate in that question, being like, oh, is God okay with it or not? As soon as I ask, is God okay with that? Like, I know right away whether I want to act on it or not.
SPEAKER_00I'm glad you asked me.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, exactly. Whether I want to act on it or not is a whole different thing, and that's the uh surrender part. But freed indeed to me a hundred percent is um, you know, I don't I don't have to choose, I don't have to decide, I just have to walk that narrow lane. Is it Matthew 11 7? Yeah, the uh narrow road, you know, that is, you know, that to me is freedom. Um, because that narrow lane, I know that if I'm on it, I'm good. And I know if I fall off of it, you know, there's repentance and there's confession, but I know that, you know, he he paid for all of my sins with uh with that blood. And so I know that I'm forgiven for past, present, future, and I mean, what other freedom is there than uh that? I mean, the Lord knows the number of hairs on my head.
SPEAKER_00I mean, you know, so to me, freedom off Richard is bald, in case you're wondering. You got some facial hair though, getting a little bit more. I try just trying to make it easy for him to know how many hairs are on my head.
SPEAKER_02So we're really freed indeed, uh, to me is that you know, the closer that I draw, the more freedom that I have because the less decision making I have to do.
Why Community Is Nonnegotiable
SPEAKER_02And um, freedom to me is also having a Christian community of really good brothers and sisters helping each other out. I don't believe that we're meant to do this alone, and I believe that the Lord is always bringing resources to us, and so freedom is also um, you know, being um being with other believers and uh actually, yeah, can you briefly speak to that?
SPEAKER_00Like, how did having a Christian community help you through these seasons?
SPEAKER_02Um and I'll tell you how. I I was very sheepish and still am sheepish lots of times, and then like, oh hey, do you have family? Do you have kids? You know, I don't want to go into that story, but I, you know, when I serve um with the production team and and the worship team, yes, I'm serving to serve the church, but I really do it selfishly too, because when I'm in there, you know, and I'm serving and I'm hearing those worship songs or I'm looking at those lyrics over and over and over, and just being in that community is the uplift that that I need. So it is great being in small groups and talking to people, but just being in the presence, you know, because each time I'm there, I feel the presence of the Lord right there, and it's and it feels very safe, it very peaceful. Um, and so, you know, I would really encourage, you know, everybody to always be in in community and always be, you know, seeking that uh because it's something that I wouldn't have been able to do on my own. Because through all this, I'm speaking about Jesus and all the glories to him, but all the different resources that he put into my life here, you know, from counselors to friends to pastors, um, to um, you know, work colleagues, uh, to everybody, um, just just being able to help out. So community, I couldn't imagine it without community, is maybe the way that I that I would answer that.
Words For Anyone In Devastation
SPEAKER_01Is there anything that you'd like to say to the person right now who's in the middle of their own devastation, their own divorce, their own estrangement, their own loss, their own job loss, whatever it is? Um what would you tell them? I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_02First off, I'm sorry for your pain. I'm sorry for anything and everything that you're going through. And Jesus loves you so, so much. And whatever hardships you're experiencing right now, you know, those aren't his plans for you. And I can imagine how tough it might be for you right now. Um, I can only, you know, or I can't, you know, imagine what what you're going through, but uh stay with Jesus because he is that consistent rock. He will never forsake you, he loves you so much. And when you come out of it, you know, it's like the book of Job, what happened at the end there. You know, it's it's so beautiful just to be in his presence, and he will give you all the provisions that you would need, even when you feel like you're at rock bottom, and he will always guide you. Um, and just stick with him and also do not try to do it alone. We live in a fallen world, bad things happen all the time, but there's so much beauty that God just showers over us all the time. So continue going to the Lord, however that looks for for you, and just really wrap yourself up with you know what I would call a safe community and uh safe people. Um I think that's what would be on my heart to say.
A Burden To Help Alienated Dads
SPEAKER_02And then I'd like to say a second thing, you know, more specific to because what's been on my heart since 2021 or 2022 is I keep on thinking about RAD, which is Righteous Alliance for Dads. And I have no idea what that means. It's something that God has had on my heart since like 2022. Um, but really I want to specifically help other dads um who have been alienated from their children. And again, you know, I don't know what that looks like, but God does. So, you know, I love everybody, and specifically if there's any, you know, dads that are listening right now that I maybe, you know, had troubles or have been alienated from their children, you know, um, I'm here for you, however that looks.
SPEAKER_00Do you have maybe an email address or something where people could contact you if they if they wanted?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, absolutely. Uh so my my first name dot last name at gmail.com. So let me spell that out for you. J A N dot A L B is and boy, I c K I at gmail.com.
SPEAKER_01Jan, I have so much respect for you. And for the record, for everyone listening, Jan is not a victim. He's not a sad story, he's one of the strongest people I know. And it's not because of his own toughness, which he he is tough, but it's it's because he's found something that actually holds. So, Jan, I just want you to know I appreciate you.
SPEAKER_02And Rich, thank you very much. Much love to you, and Kirsten, thank you so much. And I appreciate you guys having me on. And God is good.
SPEAKER_00God is good. And you know what? Before we know it, the blink of an eye, we're all gonna be worshiping around the throne together. It's gonna be a joy we can't even imagine. So Amen. Amen.
Peace Offered Through The Gospel
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so before we wrap up, I just want to take a second, talk to whoever's listening who doesn't have what Jan's describing. Maybe you are growing going through something hard and you don't have the anchor that he has. You don't have a relationship with Jesus, or maybe you did once and and you walked away from it. I want you to hear this that the peace Jan's talking about is available to you. Not because you get your life together first, not because you earn it, because it's a gift. Jesus took everything broken about us and dealt with it on the cross, and he offers something in return himself, his life inside yours. That's the gospel. And if that's something you want, it starts with just saying yes to him.
SPEAKER_00If you want to talk more about that, or if this episode hit close to home and you just need someone to talk to, reach out to us. We're real people, we actually will respond. This is not an AI bot or whatever. So you can reach us at hello at freedindeed.co, or you can message us through our YouTube channel.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and if you are a Christian who's been white knuckling it, trying to manufacture peace through willpower, Bible verses taped to your mirror, and that you're not actually connecting to, I want you to hear Jan's story again. It's not about trying harder, it's about trusting someone who already did the hard thing. So thanks for being with us today on Freed Indeed.
SPEAKER_00We will be back soon.