That Ain’t Love… That’s Control

That Ain’t Love… That’s Control

In this Wednesday episode of Chic in the Spirit, we’re having a real conversation that a lot of people avoid—but desperately need.

Just because something feels intense… doesn’t mean it’s love.

We break down how control can disguise itself as care—how jealousy gets labeled as passion, and how constantly adjusting yourself to “keep the peace” can slowly make you lose who you are. If you’ve ever felt like you had to shrink, overthink, or move a certain way just to avoid conflict… this episode is for you.

Through real-life reflection, honest truth, and scripture (1 Corinthians 13), we unpack what love actually looks like—and what it doesn’t. Because real love doesn’t restrict you, silence you, or make you feel like you can’t fully be yourself.

This is your reminder:
 You don’t have to lose yourself to keep anything that’s truly meant for you.

🎧 Tune in, reflect, and ask yourself the hard question—
 Is it love… or is it control?

Streaming on all platforms (Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon + more)
 New episodes drop every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday

Don’t forget to subscribe, download, and leave a rating 💛

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey fam, what's good? You're locked in with Chicken the Spirit and it's time for your midweek boost, your seed of faith. I'm Shrita Mache and I came to drop a quick word that hits home and holds weight. It's short, it's strong, and it's straight from the word Let's Grow. Hey family, it's your girl Shrita Mache and welcome back to Chicken the Spirit. Listen, Wednesdays, we really be having to slow down and pay attention. Because a lot of what sounds normal, a lot of what sounds passionate, a lot of what even sounds like real love, if you really break it down, it's not always what it looks like. And the reason this conversation matters is because a lot of people have learned to label things based on how they feel instead of what they actually are. So if something feels strong, if something feels intense, if something feels like they care about me, we automatically call it love without really asking, what does this actually look like in real life? And that's what we about to sit with today. Let me ask you something. Have you ever been in a situation where somebody said they love you, but the way they treated you felt controlling? Not in an obvious way at first, but in suitable ways, like you had to move a certain way to keep things smooth, like you had to adjust yourself to avoid conflict, like you couldn't fully be yourself without it becoming an issue. And instead of calling it what it was, you told yourself they just care. They just don't want to lose me. They just love me a certain way. But if you really sit with it, was that love or was that control? And I had to really sit with that in my own life because there were moments where I accepted certain behaviors because they were presented as care. And at first it didn't seem like a problem. It seemed like attention, it seemed like protection, it seemed like someone being invested, but over time something didn't sit right because I started noticing how I was showing up, I was overthinking what I said, I was adjusting how I moved, I was being mindful in a way that didn't feel natural, but felt necessary to keep things from becoming an issue, and that's when I had to pause and ask myself, why do I feel like I can't fully be myself here? Because love shouldn't make you feel like that. And if you really listen to certain music, you hear this dynamic all the time. Jealousy being framed as love, possessiveness being framed as passion, control being framed as I just care about you. And because it sounds intense, because it sounds emotional, because it sounds like somebody is invested, people accept it, they normalize it, they even desire it, but intensity is not the same as health, and just because something feels strong doesn't mean it's right. Today's word is coming from 1 Corinthians chapter 13 verses 4 through 5. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking. Now let's really break that down in real life because this gives you a clear standard of what love actually looks like. Love is patient, means it's not forcing you, pressuring you, or making you feel like you have to rush to meet someone's expectations. Love is kind, meaning it doesn't make you feel small, controlled, or restricted. And it says it is not self-seeking, meaning it's not about one person having control or power over the other. So if you're in something where you feel like you have to constantly adjust yourself, walk on eggshells, or limit who you are to keep things peaceful, that's not aligning with love. That's something else. Let's pray. Lord, thank you for showing us the difference between what feels right and what actually is right. Help us to recognize when something is not love, even if it's been presented that way, and give us the strength to choose what is healthy, not just what feels intense. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Let's get into the message. Let's really go there because control doesn't always show up loud. Sometimes it's suitable. It looks like questioning everything you do, wanting constant access to you, getting upset when you don't move the way they expect. And at first it might feel like attention, it might feel like they just care. But over time, you start noticing how it affects you. You start shrinking, you start second guessing yourself, you start feeling like you have to move a certain way to avoid issues, and that's not love, because love allows you to be yourself. Love supports your individuality. Love doesn't require you to lose yourself to maintain it, and once you really understand that you start seeing things differently. Let's get into this real talk. Let's be real. Some of y'all have been calling something love that has been controlling you the whole time. You can't move freely, you can't express yourself fully, you can't show up as you are without it becoming a problem. And instead of questioning it, you've been adjusting to it, you've been shrinking, you've been accommodating, you've been making it work, but at what cost? Because if you have to lose yourself to keep it, it was never love to begin with. So now I need you to really sit with this. Where in your life do you feel like you can't fully be yourself? Where do you feel like you have to adjust to keep the peace? Where are you calling something love that actually feels restricting? And if you're honest, how is it affecting you? And here's the truth in all of this. Love doesn't control you, love doesn't restrict you, love doesn't require you to lose yourself. And once you understand that, you stop accepting things that don't align with it. Here's our faith confession. Say this with me slowly. I deserve a love that allows me to be myself. I will no longer confuse control with care. I choose what is healthy, freeing, and aligned. I release what restricts me. Let's close with prayer. Father, we thank you for revealing the truth about what we've accepted as love. Give us the wisdom to recognize what is not aligned and the strength to walk away from what is not healthy. Help us to choose love in its true form. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Alright, family, listen, just because it feels intense doesn't mean it's love. And just because someone says they care doesn't mean it's healthy. Pay attention to how it affects you and move accordingly. And if this episode spoke to you, if you felt this in a real way, or you have a testimony, something God brought you through, or even something you're currently navigating, you can always email me at Chick in the Spirit Podcast at gmail.com. I will love to hear from you. It's your girl, Sharita Mache, and this is Chick in the Spirit. And we keep it real and we keep it God. I'll see y'all next Wednesday. And that's your seed. Don't let it sit, let it sink deep, speak it, believe it, live it. This walk ain't easy, but with God, you've got everything you need to win. Catch you next Wednesday right here on Chicken the Spirit. Stay lit, stay lifted, and let your faith talk louder than your fear.