That's Just Human

Episode 12: Feeling Into Your Emotions w/Lorraine Berg

• Elisha LightAngel • Season 1 • Episode 12

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Summary:

In this episode, Elisha interviews Lorraine Berg, founder of Human Centered Workplaces, who shares her personal journey through emotional growth, entrepreneurship, and radical self-awareness. With over two decades of experience in leadership and consulting, Lorraine discusses the significance of emotional intelligence, the power of the "pause," and her use of the science of differentiation (also known as Human Design or BG5) to help individuals understand their energetic blueprint.

Lorraine opens up about her struggles, including filing Chapter 7 bankruptcy after building a successful business, and the emotional lessons she gained from surrendering to that experience. She emphasizes the importance of checking in with yourself, especially during difficult times, and shares how self-awareness and compassion are essential for true personal and professional transformation. Her message is clear: emotions are not wrong, the pause is powerful, and getting curious about yourself can radically shift your life.


Time Stamps:

[00:00–01:51] Introduction to Lorraine Berg and her extensive background in leadership and consulting.
[01:51–05:41] Lorraine introduces her firm and work using the science of differentiation in human-centered workplaces.

[05:41–13:28] Emotional intelligence as central to her journey; the power of emotions in growth and clarity.

[13:28–14:25] How she learned to sit with emotions without shame or guilt.

[14:25–24:25] Explanation of Human Design/BG5 and how it helped her process emotions logically and compassionately.

[24:25–26:21] Elisha shares how dance and breathwork help her process emotions.

[26:21–31:06] Importance of somatic healing and touch in emotional integration.

[31:06–39:35] Lorraine shares her bankruptcy story, the emotional toll, and how surrender and accountability led to grace and wisdom.

[40:07–44:33] Learning to listen inward through the practice of pausing and observing your inner “movie.”

[44:51–48:32] Developing a habit of daily self-check-ins to build self-awareness and clear communication.

[48:46–51:17] Practicing the pause even in survival mode and learning how to meet your needs clearly.

[51:17–58:48] The power of radical honesty, self-care, and identifying the root of repeating patterns.

[58:48–59:18] Elisha asks for final wisdom.

[59:18–01:02:32] Lorraine urges listeners to “get curious about yourself” and bring the same energy inward that we often give to others or external goals.

[01:02:51–end] How to connect with Lorraine and final show wrap-up.
 

Find Lorraine Berg on the www:

http://www.humancenteredworkplaces.com


Link to Transcript of Show:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zckSFcdNuzHsnrfuXuQlep-hbFlWIUhR/view?usp=sharing


Apply to be on the Show:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdo3jzeiCYLsDQMnfZbar8GlhJOjWGAFLtMlsZI2L8XwZ_IMw/viewform?usp=sharing


Find Elisha Elsewhere on the web:

https://linktr.ee/elishalightangel




Hello and welcome to That's Just Human. It is a podcast that explores all aspects of being human, living in the human body, and dealing with life's obstacles. Here we discuss people's stories, we learn practical tools for growth and healing, and hopefully help you learn how to step into your authentic self and aliveness. I'm Elisha Light Angel. By day I'm a massage therapist, among many other things, and just like you, I also happen to live in a body and have had the pleasure of experiencing life as a human. So today I'm bringing another beautiful human that I got to meet online and we connected and we've gotten to talk and we just got into an amazing conversation and she's done some incredible things with her life. So please join me in welcoming Lorraine Berg, which is She's a visionary. She is a driving force behind human-centered workplaces and is the founder and consultant and a business analyst. She runs her own business and she has over two decades of expertise across dynamic leadership, entrepreneurial ventures, corporate environments, in the beauty and wellness industry. and has acquired so much life experience and knowledge just my little bit of talking to her, I think, gave me a huge insight into the power that she holds, and I'm really excited that I get to talk to her today. So welcome, Lorraine. Wow, what an introduction! Hello, hello. Thank you so much for this opportunity. Hello, audience from wherever you are chiming in from. How are you? My name is Lorraine Berg. I am the founder and one of the expert analysts at Human Centered Workplaces, my consulting firm. And I'm happy to be here today and share some of my life experiences and being a human, which first and foremost, I just absolutely love that title. Are human beings all having very different and unique experiences here in this world. And the more that we can openly share about those things, we can find resonance and commonality with some of the beauty of being a human being, but especially the challenges, because I feel that's where our growth is. That's where our wisdom comes from, is from those experiences that, you know, bring us closer to who we are as individuals. So thank you. You're welcome. So, I don't think most people know what it means for you to be like a business analyst. Can you speak a little bit just kind of about what it is that you do? A little bit more details on that. Yes. Yes. It says I would love to, of course. So I am a business analyst who works with career leadership and business. So I do comparative analysis on individuals' energetic predisposition using the science of differentiation. So it is an objective assessment tool that relies on birth data to give us some way of grounding conversations and how you show up in your environments in your experience. And what we are looking for is for that self recognition and self awareness that comes with understanding emotional intelligence and understanding how to communicate in ways that are really true and authentic to you when we are in the workplace, when we are in collaboration with other human beings. So the part of my work is not only data-driven. Very practical in regular workplace conversations, but there is also a very holistic nature to how we approach analyzing situations, which include the differentiation of each human being within a team, for example, and how we best communicate. So it does seem a bit abstract, but it's very practical and logical and very simple. Most people have always undergone assessments or one-on-one coaching meetings, within their workplaces and, you know, performance overviews and things like that. So we really try to drive people more into their natural way of expressing themselves rather than fitting people into generic job description boxes, right? So it's really more about embracing the points of difference between people and being able to communicate and what we say, right, optimize workplace efficiency. Mind and all of those things that make us who we are, energy capacity, how we communicate, our styles of interaction, and things like that-so that is where the the core of my work comes from, and where I am today is because of the way my life experiences have unfolded for me in my particular experience through my personal and professional right, like the things that I've agreed to, the experiences that I've had, all of the positives and the negatives. And this is just a synthesis, and just a part of the work that I do that I bring in through my lived experience. That's amazing. Can you share a little bit of the background of that lived experience that has kind of given you this insight and this knowledge that you're able to help other people? Yeah, there's so much to unpack there. Lord, where do I start? Which direction? But I do want to start with where I am right now and then see what comes up from there. I am an emotional human being. Everyone experiences emotions, but we experience emotions very differently. It's a very personal experience on how we experience emotions. And emotions come from the inside out. Something happens internally within us and then our minds are trying to wrap themselves around the experience. So today, at this present moment, which will always find me at different stages and phases in my life because we're always moving and changing and adapting and maturing in different ways. Today, I feel extremely empowered and clear, with a bit of restlessness. I feel that I need to share where I am in my emotions because emotions for me, and my experience, and my evolution is where my power truly lies and comes from. So emotional intelligence is one. To recognize in my own process that allowing myself to feel feelings and not bringing shame, guilt, blame, attaching stories, finger pointing, writing the depths and the chaos of what emotions can bring us brings me so much clarity. So I feel the need to share where I am today so you can understand where this frequency is coming from at this particular time. There's something that wants to come out in me that feels very fiery. That I feel that is meeting the moment with authenticity and truth. And I don't always feel this way, but this is the voice that's coming out today for whatever reason. And I wanted to establish that as a grounding because, you know, as I review how I got to where I am today, it's all through my emotionality, my emotional intelligence, my emotional lens. And that has brought me into the binary of hope and pain throughout my whole entire life. To hold myself with no judgment, no shame, and no guilt for that process is really what has allowed me to step into this higher version of myself that you are hearing today. So my life has been filled with many obstacles like everybody, right? We can all resonate with what resistance in life is versus what flow feels like in our lives because flow is more like you're thriving and things are happening for you and you feel like you're gaining momentum and traction and things seem easy and you're communicating clearly and people are communicating clearly back with you, right? That's the flow state. And then we have a resistance state, right? Whereas where things are not working out for us, where we're feeling very much frustrated and bitter and angry and like you're not catching traction and what is this that's happening to me at this time? And all of that has to do with how you are processing your emotions. It's all about professional and personal experiences. I am but 45 years young. So, I've opened businesses, closed businesses, sold businesses, bankrupt businesses, scaled businesses, right? So, when you think about the professional context of all of that, there's a lot that's in there that needs to be processed, that needs to be felt, that needs to be honed in so I can gain all of those pearls of wisdom that I can view through my personal choices, through my experience and the impact that that has had not only on me as an individual, but also when I share that information with other people, what that potential impact may be for someone else. So yes, professionally, I've gone through the gamut, leadership roles, opening up global territories, high roles, high stakes, right? Like there's always been this air of influencing, you know, leadership and being part of bigger conversations and things like that. Not all great and not all bad, right? But just in that binary and professionally just as much, right? Meeting resistance with being a woman entrepreneur, being a mother of four children, having one child being neurodivergent and the needs that that is calling of you, of your essence, right? Being a spouse, being a wife, right? Belonging to community, belonging to families, Right. Like all of those roles that we play as human beings are all part of a holistic fabric of each individuated, different perspective, because we all have different combinations of all of that. And we're all part of all of those roles. We all have to work. We all have to make money. We all have to bring our joy, our passions to the surface. Right. We all pay bills. Some of us have mortgages. Some of us pay rent. Right. Bring us. We're moms, we're spouses, we're lovers, we're friends, we're daughters, you know, there's these roles that we all play. But what's most important in this transmission right now that I feel that that fire wants to come out in me is that if you don't know yourself, and you don't know how to process your experiences with authentic and radical honesty and clarity, because this experience is here for you, it's always here for you, it's always for your benefit. That if you don't know yourself, you can get lost in the sea of all of that that exists that brings us so much confusion, doubt, and uncertainty in the way that we show up in all of those roles that we play as people. So that's going to full circle back around to human-centered workplaces. We are a firm of consultants that are here to help bridge the gap and acceptance and knowing themselves, particularly in the way that we work. Because we do need financial resources. We do need, right, abundance of support. And we try to find these places to improve, right, our 5 to 9. So what you dedicate your 9 to 5 to during the day as an adult in the workplace, in the workforce, affects your, right, your 5 to 9, your home life. And similarly, what happens in your home life, right, in that 5 to 9 and on those weekend off schedules, right, affects your work. So there is no difference between the two, just that I particularly focus on the expertise of workplaces, right? Because that's really where a lot of our lessons are. That's where we come together in the laboratory of the experiment of life to bring everything that we are, right, to provide for our sustenance, for our support, our dreams, support, you know, our living situations, our basic needs, you know, so it's an important place to activate people and stimulate them with a new way of approaching that conversation. Mm. Juicy. So you had a nugget in there when you were first talking. And you said that now you are able to move through, observe, be in the emotions without like the guilt and the shame and some of those what we would consider to be the negative emotions that I think everybody experiences. And I'm assuming that you haven't always been able to be in a position where you're either able to sit with that or not experience that. So what is it that happened or transitioned in your life that has allowed you to move from sitting with guilt and shame to freeing yourself of that and being where you are now and observing what's happening without having those heavy feelings coming on? Oh, yes. I'd love to speak about that. This is the science of differentiation we're speaking of. And for those that are new to this term, this is a science and it does require experimentation. And the science of differentiation goes by many different names. In some areas, it's called human design. And in some other areas, it's called BG5, which is where I studied. And I got my training through BG5. So the science of differentiation in a real short snippet, it's basically highlighting your points of difference, right? It's highlighting your differentiation as a human being, as a unique human being. We are born into contexts, whether it's culturally, geopolitically, right? family structures, you know, neighborhoods, communities. We're born into these environments that condition us to be a particular way, right? And there's nothing wrong with that. That is the nature of life. So we are taught certain things like, for example, I am holding up a lipstick. Somebody at some point told me that this is a dark red lipstick. Right. So I learned that this is a dark red lipstick. And every time I see one, I say this is a dark red lipstick. And there's, you know, things that happen in life where people tell you this is what it is and then you believe it. So the science of differentiation is, in my perspective, a pattern disruptor because it asks you to question, is this true for you? Okay, is this true for you?

So when I came across PG5 human design:

The science of differentiation, human design-The design of humans, right? If you want to just flip words around, they're just words. They all mean the same thing. I started to learn that I was an emotional being. I started to learn that there are points of difference to every human being. Some people are undefined emotionally, meaning that they amplify the energy around them, the emotional state of the environment, the people, the places, and the things around them, the experience. And I started to recognize that I'm an emotional person. And that was a bit of a challenge for me in the beginning, because I never saw myself as an emotional person, because I've been conditioned to understand that being emotional means that you are dysregulated, that you are all over the place, that you are dramatic, that you are these things, right? This is what cultures and narratives teach us, that if you speak too much about your emotions, it's like, oh, somebody's telling you, no, that's not what happened. Don't feel that, right? Like these weird things that society has imposed upon us on how we view emotions. So I started working with that. I'm an emotional person. What does that mean for me? Who told me that I wasn't emotional? Who told me I was emotional? Like, where did that show up in my life? And I start this journey of following breadcrumbs. And what I started to understand is that I have an alchemical nature about myself. That's very unique to who I am as a human being. And that alchemical nature, that chemistry in my body that does oscillate between hope and pain. Is the beauty of life. Because hope and pain are part of this world. We feel pain and we also feel hope. When and how, I don't understand that part. That is life. That's the magic of life, right? But I've become more comfortable with feeling those things and not having to always constantly like name it, attach a story to it, really get involved with it. I can feel it and I can hold compassion and empathy for my particular alchemical nature. Which is something that I invite everyone to start to recognize because that's what human design brought for me. It's called the pause. And the pause is really important. It's like when you put a little bit of space between you and what's happening in life. And you ask yourself, what am I feeling right now? What is happening right now? Instead of being over-reactive to life and just going with every impulse and every kind of wave, right? Between this hope and pain principle and making it so dramatic and melodramatic, and you're elated and you're depressed and you're melancholy and you're joyful-just put a little pause within it and just feel it. Let it like move through you. And just by doing that, right there, your emotional intelligence is already expanding. The feeling is already moving through you. And we all know that feelings never last a long time. I could have had a terrible argument with my husband yesterday and was crying on the floor. And then today I feel completely different as if it just went away, right? Nothing is permanent about feelings. So the more that we start acknowledging them and using them as the tools that they're there for, which is our emotional intelligence, that's where I had this deep breath of fresh air of like, holy buckets, I'm allowed to feel. Oh my goodness. And then life started becoming more. I want to say 5D for me, not even 3D, right? So when things happen in my life, when I exchange with people, when conversations take me to places and spaces and emotions and feelings, I'm allowed to view all of it for its beauty. All of it for the magic of being a human being who is feeling and expressing emotions in the most truthful and honest way for you as an individual. Because everybody processes them differently, right? Everybody has a different way of working with emotions. And that is something that I just love talking to with my clients. We talk heavily about emotional intelligence. How important is that? Okay. In the context of my work, yes, I work with leadership. I work with leaders. I work with business owners, right? And this is a skill that needs to be practiced. But think about every human being. If they had this type of self-recognition, if they had this type of pause that brought them clarity and sovereignty, and really understood that their way is not wrong, their feelings are not wrong, right. And knowing by having these tools, right in this perception to be able to really work with that, work with these feelings, and really, you know, that's where compassion and empathy and spirit live, right, for another human being's process. I've fallen many a times in points of resistance, and let's go back into a professional view. I built a business that was almost operating at a million dollars and I had 28 employees. And from the surface, it looked amazing, successful, and right. And it ended in a collapse and it ended in a real hard lesson for me, which now when I look back, I can see the beauty of all of that, of what all of that brought to me. Because filing for a Chapter 7, not 11, not 13, Chapter 7, personal bankruptcy, is a radical transformation that asked me to come back into my emotions with radical authenticity, not hold shame and blame or guilt for the experience I was having. Speak towards that, through that, beyond that with grace and compassion for my process. And that's the thing that you will hear out there in the world on how some people face so many odds. And you know, still manage to be great people on the other side, right? Sometimes some people face the odds, the fates, and it destroys them, right? It's kind of like how you adapt, how you work through this emotional intelligence. To really honor your own natural way of processing things. And that's where you find resonance with other people. Because the more you're honest about how you feel, then somebody else is like, oh, shoot. That's amazing. I felt that before, or I've never had the words for that before, or like allow people to just feel things, right? That's so human. Emotions are a human predisposition. Feelings is a human predisposition. And we are here to feel it all. It's part of our experience. All of it. The good, the bad, the ugly, and everything in between. So that is what brought me into emotional clarity, was honing in on the science of differentiation and really holding the determination of understanding how I particularly process emotions, how I particularly feel the world around me, and how I interact with those myself always. And that is what the science of differentiation brings us. It brings us our individuality, but also knowing how to collaborate with others in ways that are very beneficial to ourselves and in the context, the people that we interact with. Hmm. I find it really interesting. So from what you just described, it sounds like it's almost a logical approach to feeling the emotions, to where the information coming through, I guess, in a sense, gave you permission to allow the emotions, at which point you softened into that and then started feeling. I'm also an emotional being. So I completely, I think a lot of people out there are, so they'll understand. And I have found in my process and journey that a lot of somatic therapies have been the way that I move through the emotions the best. So if I'm heavily feeling something, which does get labeled as that you're being dramatic, and I'm like, no, I'm just feeling this intensely right now. It's not dramatic. It is literally how I am experiencing this moment. And so for me, dance um just throwing some music on dancing or going to an ecstatic dance have been Some of the ways that I can process a lot heavier emotions and move them through me and not feel them after I'm done or breath work. Those are my two go-tos, but there's been a lot of different things that I have experimented with, gone to workshops, just tried them out over the years and felt amazing afterwards. Like more rocks from my backpack that I carry of burdens and heavy emotions have been taken out. So I feel lighter and more easier for future situations to deal with whatever comes my way. Yeah. And as a body masseuse practitioner, can you imagine the value that you bring your clientele? First, I'd just like to recognize and honor how beautiful your work is as well. It's something that is very much important when we talk about, you know, emotional intelligence and we talk about this new trending buzzword of somatic integrative therapy and how important, right, touch is and how important it is to bring people into their bodies to feel things. It's okay. Because most of the emotionality, the pressure comes in the head of you trying to make sense out of that emotion. But the emotion is an alchemical process inside the body. And that's why, you know, somatic integration or therapeutic work or massage therapy or touch therapy or breath work. That's why those are so valuable in today's society, because it is bringing people back into that body sensation. that emotion is. Because human design gives us the language, right? You said that it was a bit logical. And yes, I can pinpoint it, map it, and I can break it down for you and how your uniqueness processes emotions, right? I can get that precise, right? But at the end of the day, what people really want to know is like, how do I make this practical on a day-to-day, right? How do I feel and process that information? And I come from the beauty industry. I work with people on their, you know, mental perception of their physical appearance, right? If they come in and there's this wonderful experience that you come in with your dirty hair or your roots and you're not feeling confident or whatever. And we do the magic that hairdressers do, right? And they work on your head and they touch your, your washing, shampooing your head and all this stimulating, right? A body touching, right? And caretaking of your, your most precious asset, right? Perceive yourself, and then all of a sudden, once the service is done, they feel so much lighter, and so much-you know-so there is something to touch. And when we talk about somatic and breath work, and things like you can approach it as having a million ways up a mountain. It's just the presence and the act that really breaks and bridges, right, that understanding for most people. And that is something beautiful. It's something beautiful that needs to be said. And as people who are in the integrative healing arts, whether it's abstract or esoteric or if it's very practical and, you know, however you show up in the world, right, it is very much needed because you can see how much distortion and chaos is out there in the world. And people just really need to understand themselves better, right, and what's happening to them in their world. hairdresser, there's so much in that, that is beneficial for any human being, you know, self-care, the radical act of taking care of self, right? When we think about massage, and we think about going to the hair salon, you know, that's like hygiene and grooming and maintenance, it is very practical, it is very like, okay, I have a big knot in my shoulder, I need to, you know, go to an appointment, like it's practical, but there's also this like beautiful energetic influence that happens. And the substructure that I think is paramount. So yes, we can break down emotional intelligence for each individual very logically, pragmatically, and that's what the science of differentiation brings us. But just make it simple and mundane, right? The way that we handle emotions, the way that we are able to talk about emotions openly. It's something that is very important as well. And we need to have more conversations like this. To really bring our humanity into the conversation. Because we're human beings, you know, and we need to, you know. That's what really binds us. In our humanity is through emotions. And it's something that I so joyously offer through my services and my work with my clients and also all of the experts at human-centered workplaces. These are the things that we really like diving into and working with people who are ready to, you know, learn how to process things in a way that's more easier for them. In their experience. Very true and beautiful and I like the way that you described, you know, just even getting hair done, transforming the person. It's a whole process and very valuable when someone's going through that and does feel that confidence. I'd like to go back to touch on you filed Chapter 7 bankruptcy. I can't even imagine what it would feel like to have this booming business that is breaking down behind the scenes and having to come to the decision to file bankruptcy. So, when you were at this point, can you describe maybe some of the emotions that you were going through? To move through them at that point? Did you journal? Did you throw yourself into learning the BG5? What was it for you? Let me just take a breath in because a lot is about to come out of me. Joyfully, might I add. I'm going to make this very human for a lot of people because it is going to resonate and stimulate and I'm very well of the impact that this potentially may have in another human being. I want to simplify that experience in a collective format and way. Because there are many human beings right now that are struggling, holding on to things that are not working and are experiencing a lot of chaos, confusion, doubt, and fear. Okay, so I want to ground it with these words, particularly because no matter where you find yourself as a human being, there is a big shift in change happening for all of us, and I'm sure we can all agree collectively. That we're not in Kansas anymore, okay? So what my experience was in that process is bringing the resonance for that human experience.

Let me ground it this way:

Because there are people that are struggling with fear of like paycheck to paycheck. There are people that are struggling like, 'Is this the work that's for me?' There are people that are struggling with, 'Is this my purpose?' Is this all there is? There are people that are struggling with, 'Oh my God, how am I going to get to that next step, right?' That was the pressure. That was the energy. That was the environment that I was in. And I couldn't see clear. I was stuck in this vortex of like, Things are changing. Some things are in my control. A lot of it is not in my control. Things are just happening to me. And I am just standing here like freaking out. So for those of you that are listening to my voice right now, I want you to know that this is a very human experience. And no matter how scary it seems, okay? You can get through it with grace. Because a Chapter 7 bankruptcy for somebody who was operating at the top of their career, nationally recognized, published, you know. My personality, my reputation. You know, when you think about midlife and working a whole career, right? And building a structure, then having it collapse, is something very fascinating. Because there are people right now that are listening to this phone call that are in this position right now. I can almost guarantee it. Where you feel like you've been working 20 years at a company, 10 years at a company, and all of a sudden you're like, 'Oh my God, what is happening, right?' Shifting, changing. You've built a lifestyle around this environment, right? You've built this security for yourself, but you're coming to this reckoning of like something's got to give or something's got to change or this is too much resistance. My health is deteriorating. Things are happening outside of my control. And I have to surrender. That is one of the biggest takeaways of that experience. You have to surrender to the experience. You have to, with grace, give yourself the permission to surrender and let go. As scary as that sounds. Because that's what that experience was. But in the process of me doing it through grace, meaning that. I held myself extremely accountable, even though all these negative things were happening in my life. And I couldn't find the pragmatic solution out of it, which I was the master of solutions, right? Navigating a business at this level, making discerning strategic decisions and partnerships and collaborations and bargains and contracts and deals. And I was revolving anywhere between $40, 000 to $60, 000 in cash flow a month. So my lifestyle was built under a certain identity that was supporting not only me, but my whole family behind me, my whole community. And it all came into question. The only thing that I can do is breathe through it, hold myself accountable to my truth. Okay, know what is mine and what is not mine to take. On. Because I think that when the pressure comes on us and things happen like that, where things are radically shifting in your life, whether it be relationships collapsing, losing your job, you know, your dog died, you know, you just lost a family member, and it all is compounding in life at one time, you have to remember to give yourself grace and breathe through it and hold your body. And every decision that you make from there is true to your heart, to your integrity, to the best of your ability from wherever you are, even if it's not clear. Show compassion. Show love. Show up. Feel it. It's okay. Because what happens on the other side, when you give yourself that grace, is that you'll be able to look back. Because you know that old adage saying, you know, hindsight is always 20-20. It's all for a reason. It's all for a reason. And the clarity eventually comes. And you'll be able to look back at that experience and go, wow, the lessons that came out of that. They made me faster, stronger, smarter. And how I move, what I decide to say yes to, what I decide to take on, what I need to delegate, what is my comfort level in this experience right now? And am I staying true to myself? Because a lot of the things that I realized while processing, That enormous, humbling experience was that I said yes to too many things I shouldn't have said yes to. I took on more and more and more because, you know, this is the big American dream. Go big or go home, right? true go get it right just do it like all these cultural things that we're taught to do right push through it burn the midnight oil get it done right nobody can do it the way you do it right yeah all these things that we're taught that whether they are directly or they are subconsciously taught to us you know push through grin and bear it shut up and do it get it done really piling up on me. And I just couldn't keep up with it anymore. That's the honest truth. And it's because I wasn't saying true to myself. Because when I look back, right, like everybody can have these experiences, you can look back and say, 'Oh, I knew I shouldn't have dated that guy.' And I didn't listen to myself anyway. Or I knew that, you know what I'm saying? Like, you can look back and go, 'Okay, now 2020, I look back like I, I heard the warning signs, but I ignored them anyway. Yes, everybody does that. Okay, so that's what I want to ground for being a human being on everybody on this call right now. My experience is a collective experience. My experience is something that a lot of people are feeling right now. And it's because we're not learning how to listen to that quiet inner voice inside of us. We all know what's correct for us, but we're never taught how to really listen inside and trust ourselves. Trust the truth of what we know inside of us. Hmm. For you, how does that process of listening inside look like? Or how would you describe that to somebody? I think, first of all, the pause. Again, I'm going to come back to this pausing, the pause within life. I think what I noticed the most in my previous behaviors that I picked up as a pattern and I also see in a lot of my client work is that there's a lot of reactivity in the way that we process information, things and experience in the world. Something happens and boom, we have like an immediate response to it. So being able to give yourself a moment to catch a breath, okay, breath work, a moment to consciously pause and give space and kind of almost see it. And this sounds trippy, but practice it. Put a pause and almost look at everything as if it was a movie screen, like you're on the set of a movie. Just pause and look at all of the things, the details, the furniture, the people. What is happening? What are those conversations? So that pause is really healthy to do. So once you put the pause and you start to really look at all the details of where you are right now, what did you just hear? Who's involved? Who are the people? What is the environment? What is the backdrop? What is happening? And then you check in with yourself. Because that's kind of like checking in with yourself and you put a pause. You're starting to create a different relationship with your reality. Mmm. Because then you're starting to really process and integrate the totality of everything is, as opposed to being very narrow-minded with the reactivity. And I'm Hispanic, so there's a word that there's a saying that we say, at the foot of, at the letter of the foot, right? So something happens, something else happens. Something happens, something else happens, right? And you're just like in this constant state without really assessing what's happening. And that's just being human. It's a skill that we all need to learn how to do. It's like, what is really happening here? And what does this mean to me? What am I feeling? What's happening, right? And that pause, there's so much power in that. And when we think about the context of modern world, modern society, we have open AI, we have everything in life is demanding your attention the minute you wake up. There is news, there's children, there's work, there's emails, there's commuting pathways, turn the car on that I put gas in. There's so much in life that is demanding our attention, that we almost forget to think about ourselves as the star of our movie. Mm. It's interesting you say that. I think there's give and take. I hear a lot of people exclaiming to others about how they only think about themselves. Or you think back to the phrase, the world doesn't revolve around you. And I've actually thought about this this week specifically about how each of us, we are. Only I mean, our world does revolve around us. We're the only ones who are experiencing our point of view, we're the only ones who have been through our own set of experiences which have formed the neural pathways and the way that we think and process and do respond, react or don't respond. So all of these things literally are, and yet we can still not see ourselves as that star of the movie that we're in, despite feeling that everything is compounding and happening simultaneously. It's this weird, almost contradiction but paradox that we live in within our own humanness and being. Yeah. With the pause, do you have any specific questions that you ask yourself every time or that you go back to? I know that helps some people, and other people are a little more free-flowing and able to experience differently. Yeah, I think that's what I try to encourage and suggest. I always make suggestions, never recommendations. I suggest formulas and ways, and you experiment with it very pragmatically if it works for you. But the pause for me is like this so much, I can say. It could be true. It's like. It's a muscle that you need to develop. It's something that you need to hold in your awareness and check through it periodically and start making it a habit. Scientifically, you know, if you practice something for six weeks, you already start a new habit, right? We all hear these things.

We know these things:

that the more you do something, is the more that you, with intention and awareness, is the more that you're establishing a new habit and pattern for yourself. So if I can break it down in a very step-by-step way would be that is to always make sure you're doing a check-in with yourself periodically throughout the day and start making that a habit. So that right there, that pause that you give yourself, that check-in from the monotony and the mundane of our day-to-day activity, right? Chopping water, carrying water. You know, what is it? Chopping wood, carrying water. The things that we do on a day-to-day. Ever so often, just pause for a second and do a check-in. And check out your movie and see what you are feeling in relation to that movie. Process some of that information. Because the more that you can come home to yourself, the more that you can check in with all of those beautiful qualities that make you a unique and different human being, the secret sauce that you have that nobody else has on the planet, the one thing that makes you you is the more that you are able to share from that space. Thank you. Because it comes from a place of knowing. self-love and acceptance. So, you know, you can't pour from an empty cup. Okay. Yes, so if you don't do that check-in and you don't really validate where you are at this moment, you really can't clearly communicate. Because you're still in that reactive, you know, maybe sometimes mindless way of going about your life in these patterns that you have either designed for yourself or just operating out of nature you know like these things that just happen in life, you wake up, you wash your face, you brush your teeth, you know the mundane, sometimes just check-in. It's a really healthy practice to do. And the more that you keep doing it, it starts just becoming part of your nature. So I just want to like bring a little highlight into the beginning of this program before we started to record. You and I were exchanging, and I said, 'Oh, I'm feeling all kinds of things today, right?' I have no idea what's going to come out of me because I am starting to feel things, but I'm not attaching a storyline to it. I just need to share with you where I'm at. mm-hmm Because I practice what I preach. I do periodic check-ins throughout my day, and it's also just partially becoming part of my full-time experience of checking in with myself throughout the day. And making sure that I am communicating very clearly. Because when you communicate clearly, there is a high probable chance that you're going to receive a clear communication. Right? Absolutely. That's really beautiful. I like that the pause and the check-in and I know. And the movie set. And the movie set, right? Check your movie scene out. What's happening right now? Because it's always changing. Well, I know I lived so many years in survival mode. And like now I'm really about self-care. But one of the biggest things that I've realized is that you can only self-care to meet your lowest denominator of needs. So if you're in survival mode, your need might be that your refrigerator is empty and you're trying to get food. Or you don't know where your next rent payment is going to be coming from. And it does heighten panic. fear and a lot of these which then can often lead to self-sabotage so even at a survival mode if somebody had told me back then Just pause and do a check-in and see what it is that you need. Not just physically, but emotionally for yourself. would have helped me to clear my mind because that's one of the things I've noticed now that I'm not in survival mode. It's actually easier to take a pause, to be in that space and recognize what my needs are. I'm still practicing this because sometimes I am very reactive and I am working on getting out of that. But every time a new situation comes up, it's another opportunity for me to remember to practice that and not be reactive. And even after this conversation, I'm going to try and practice pausing even more when a situation comes up instead of having an immediate reaction. Yeah. I just want people that are listening to know that if you are in survival mode, that is really raw. It's real. I completely understand what it's like to be there. And you don't have to be there forever. And that if you can take the advice of getting into the pause, then you can start to think a little bit more clear-headed and coming up with solutions that will get you out of the survival mode. But as long as you can't be clear-headed in that, you will stay stuck and just trying to survive because you don't have the thought process to figure out the different pathways that are, right there in front of you that you can't see because your vision is clouded. Yeah, those emotional states of intensity are really important too. Become self-aware of and I completely agree with you. I have been in those spaces before. And I know. how intense the emotion is. But the pause is a practice that is very simple because if you don't know what your basic needs are with clarity, okay? How can you talk about what you need so somebody can help you? You can't keep that in and just mentally play that loop of shame, guilt, worry, uncertainty, and doubt, which is what the mind is trying to do with that emotion. It's not the truth of the emotion. It's what the mind is trying to label and, right? It's trying to make sense out of that feeling. So when you put the pause in and you check in with yourself and you are honest in your communication of your needs. You know, abundance and support are the bridge because you never know who is going to come to help with a little resource, with a little opportunity, with something. But if you don't process it and you don't put the pause and you don't clearly communicate your need, how are you ever going to get out of it? So when I was going through my bankruptcy, there was so much shame and guilt built around that experience because I made so many deals. My rent was $7, 000 a month, just my rent a month. I made a 10-year lease with a 1. 2% increase annually, okay, a contract with collateral, with my house on the line, right? You think about these deals that we've made. My payroll. You know, the pressure, yes, of like not only my life and my children’s, but I am responsible for the livelihood of 28 people. Their lives, their children, their dreams. It’s a real thing. We feel it as human beings. It’s a real thing. But to come radically honest with where you’re at and surrender. This is my truth right now. I don’t know where my next meal is going to come from. I don’t know. And this is how I feel about it right now. I guarantee that the minute that you pause and you come honest with that and you come face to face with your truth, with your experience and you surrender and you share from a place of grace because it is what it is. That’s where real movement happens. You'll be surprised how many people came to my support. You'd be surprised how many people were like, 'you're incredible.' Here. You need time? Here's time. You need something? Pause. You deserve it, right? And that is really what we're trying to establish as human beings and connecting with other people in emotional ways. The human predisposition is to be an emotional being that feels emotions. We all feel them. Don't make them wrong. And let me tell you something, people out there, there is more than one person right now worrying about where the rent is going to come from for next month, how they're going to pay for back-to-school supplies, approaching really quickly here in the Northern Hemisphere. What food am I going to get, you know, so. You feel like the solutions aren't coming fast enough. But it's an opportunity for you to pause and come home to yourself, to become radically truthful about your experience and see things for the way they are, so you can communicate clearly, so you can have your needs met one way or another. Things have to shift. It may not be what you think it's going to look like. But it's all there for a reason and a purpose. And viewing it with that type of grace, viewing it as, 'This too shall pass.' At some point. You can't live in that space forever. You know, this too shall pass. What is the new saying to the second line to that? This too shall pass, but what the fuck, right? That is very much the part of the reality of the story that a lot of people are living. This too shall pass, but what the? What the F is going on? Okay, give yourself grace. Give yourself grace. Pause. Hold yourself. Do a little self-care. Take a longer shower. Take a longer shower, breathe through it. Feel that electricity running through your body. Try to find a creative muse if you can somehow to move that energy out of your system. Journal, write it, voice record it, something, just get it out, right? Some move it, but be really honest with yourself. And also, when you're getting to a place of a little bit more comfort, please do I invite you to just look back to what decisions you made that brought you to that point. Where did you say yes to things that you knew you shouldn't have said yes to? What is the wisdom that we can pull out of that painful experience and become the white lotus flower? What is it trying to tell me about myself? It's like a hard stop. Can't keep operating this way. No, no, no. This is an awful feeling. I don't want to feel like this anymore, right? This is not the way. It should be. Movement is necessary. So yes, there's a lot that happens in these processes, but please, please listen to me carefully. You have the answers inside of you. You've always had the answers inside of you. It's just coming home to that reality and trusting ourselves. And building those muscles and those skill sets that we need that are going to be our armor and protection so we don't end up back in those places again. Right? That's the magic in that power. To radical honesty. Okay, I misstepped, right? I took on too much. I did too much. Something is not right. Get through it, Phase One, get through it, feel it, process it, move it, express your needs, find a little bit more of a stable ground. And once you get to that little bit of a stable ground, oh my dear, that experience isn't over. Look back, okay, and process that correctly. So you don't continue to create the same crazy pattern for yourself. Stay true to yourself. Pause in the life. Feel it all. Put a little distance. Check out your movie because sometimes that movie set is absolutely divine. And we've all been there too. It's not always chaotic. But some of those moments in life really take your breath away. And are beautiful. So it's good to really just take it all in. That's just human. It's just human. Thank you so much. That's a lot of really good wisdom and insight that I think will resonate with a lot of the listeners. So we're almost to close.

And I ask everyone this one question:

So is there any other little bit of wisdom besides all of the amazingness that you just shared that you would like to leave the listeners with? Hmm. Get curious about learning more about yourself. I think this is the time where we. No, I think we've all been taught not, you know, self-care is selfish, right? Being so self-centered, right? You know, these narratives that we hear. And I think that. I can call bullshit on some of that And be curious to learn all of those different corners and ways and uniqueness that are who you are, right? And start there. Just get curious with that. Who am I? Because I think most of the time we are taught to always be in our experience and to always have the vision, have the goal in mind, have something in the ambition, right, of life to do, to do the things to do, right? And we put such determination, such determination in mastering all that out there, social media management and getting my business up and going or climbing the ladder in corporate or giving my kids a better lifestyle or whatever it is, whatever it is that's out there, that determination that you have out there, just get curious of bringing that inside. Bring that determination inside. And bring it home to yourself. Because there's nothing more beautiful than interacting with someone who is very self-aware, who is very clear in the way that they communicate, somebody who is very confident and how they show up in their experience. There's something to that energy. There's something to that person that becomes a beacon of hope and light. And we all hold that capacity for each and every one of us. So the more that we come home to ourselves and the more that we come home to our radical truth, no matter what it is, no matter what time and space and phase you are in your life, the more that you are self-aware about that experience with grace, with compassion, and with empathy, the more that you're going to be with people who can feel that, that can resonate that, that can support that. And I think that that's the part that I'd like to share. Get curious about yourself, about yourself. A lot of people never really do that, especially women. You know, a lot of women entrepreneurs, a lot of women in general, if they're coupled or uncoupled, right? They always have this sacrificing nature that they do for everyone else first and they put themselves last. You know? Okay, let's change that a little bit. Let's shift that. Please, let me dare. Get curious about yourself so you can bring your authenticity to every experience in your life. And that's going to radically change how you experience life. So that's what I would like to say as a closing sentiment is to get curious about yourself. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing ever wrong with that, having a relationship with yourself. That is really beautiful. Thank you so much for coming on and sharing your insight and wisdom with us. It's been delightful. Can you share where on the internet that listeners can find you if they do want to connect with you? Yes, I'm going to be honest. I'm not a big social media person, but you can find me very lightly on different social media things. I think they're very homogenized platforms. So the best way to get a hold of me, if you ever want to look into my work, my offerings and my support, along with me and my full ecosystem of associates behind me, all expert analysts, licensed and certified, is to go directly to the website, which I manage. That's the best, cleanest way to get a hold of me. Yeah. Lovely. I will be putting in the show notes and description links that you can go easily click on to find her. And if this episode has resonated with you and you like it, please subscribe, follow the show, write a review for me that helps get my podcast out even more. Share with a friend if you think that this is something that would help to give them some insight and wisdom in their own lives. As you embrace your inhumanness. Remember to be kind, be you, and know everything is part of the journey.