Episode 36: The Messy Middle

The Heart of the Conversation:
     
     In this solo episode of That’s Just Human, I dive into that often uncomfortable "void" that exists between who we used to be and the new version of ourselves that hasn't quite formed yet. I share how these transitions—whether sparked by healing, spiritual awakening, or shedding old identities—can feel messy, confusing, and even lonely as we grieve the only version of ourselves we’ve ever known.

The transmission we explore:

The Cocoon Phase: Understanding why we must become "undone" and move through a period of internal "goo" before we can emerge as a transformed version of ourselves.

The Grief of Growth: Validating the sadness and friction that occur when old habits, safe patterns, and even friendships no longer resonate with our evolving frequency.

Tools for the Unknown: Practical ways to regulate the nervous system and anchor into the present moment through journaling, qigong, breathwork, and sensory grounding.

Setting Sacred Boundaries: Why the "messy middle" requires a soft shell of protection to conserve your energy and allow your transformation to happen undisturbed.

The Power of "Not Yet": Shifting the perspective from "I am lost" to "I am incubating," and finding grace in the unknown.


An Invitation from Elisha:

     "If you find yourself in a space where things feel like they are rubbing the wrong way, or you’re wandering through a dark tunnel where you don't yet know where you are going, know that you are not failing. You are simply in the process of being remade. This journey of sloughing off old layers is hard, and it requires a tremendous amount of grace, but the version of you ready to emerge is going to feel so much lighter. I invite you to sit with me in this messiness and remember: you have to be smooshed like clay before you can become something truly beautiful."

Time Stamps:
00:08 Introduction
00:57 Defining the Middle
01:49 Emotional Friction
02:59 Introspection & Grieving
04:03 The Cocoon Analogy
05:10 Nervous System Response
06:09 Personal Journey
07:10 Navigating Unknowns
08:15 Relationship Shifts
09:10 Seeking Connection
10:02 Practicing Grace
11:03 Self-Reflection Tools
12:00 Regulation Techniques
13:51 Journaling & Support
14:36 The "Not Yet" Journal
15:33 Grounding in the Moment
16:43 Setting Boundaries
18:30 Identity Deaths
19:21 Transformation as Success
20:14 Closing Remarks


Link to Transcript of Show:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1sNKQvQ6O5gHbiSsPtmHldEZA_3MnH27U/view?usp=sharing


Apply to be on the Show:
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdo3jzeiCYLsDQMnfZbar8GlhJOjWGAFLtMlsZI2L8XwZ_IMw/viewform?usp=sharing


Find Elisha Elsewhere on the web:
https://linktr.ee/elishalightangel

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Hello and welcome to That's Just Human, a podcast that explores all aspects of being human, living in a human body, and dealing with life's obstacles. I'm your host, Elisha Light Angel. By day I'm a massage therapist. Right now I'm a podcaster, and like you, I live in a human body and I have a plethora of human experiences. This is my space to talk about some of mine, some of yours, some of other people's, and experiences that we just might have in life in general and ways to navigate them. So I'm doing a solo episode today, and we're going to be diving into the messy middle. Now, what do I mean when I'm talking about the messy middle? I am talking about the part of life that sometimes feels like a void. It's that space in between where you have been, that old version of you, and where you're going, that or new version of you, but that new version isn't formed yet. And we're still coping with all of these different emotions that come up when we go through a transition or transformation in life. So this could be a healing that you've had in an area, and now you're responding a little bit differently because that's not taking hold of your life. It could be due to a spiritual awakening, but anytime a piece of you dies, it could be a piece of your identity, a piece of the way that you viewed the world, something within you is shutting off and it's making way for a new layer, a new version of you to come forth. In the middle, during this process, during the journey, you are in that messy part because you're grieving this version of you, which was actually the only way you knew of how to be in this world, and therefore it's really confusing. With all of these emotions, you might hit something that feels like you've just like gone way out there into no man's land, you know. This is energetic, it's emotional, it's internal, it's confusing. It might feel like there is a lot of different friction, like internal emotional friction, maybe friction in relationships, or the way that you're actually going about some of your daily tasks, habits, life. Things are just kind of rubbing the wrong way. And you almost want to panic and go back to who you used to be, but that doesn't quite fit anymore. With hence the confusion because this part of you that you knew is no longer existing, and so in this middle place, it's trying to figure out what are your new values, what do you resonate with? Who do you want to be when you step out into the world? Who do you want to be in your relationships? And it's a lot of introspection and reflection and making lots of mistakes and being not solidly sure about who you are, what you stand for, and where it is that you're going. And that's okay. Part of it's a grieving process, too, because when you lose a piece of yourself and it's the only way that you knew how to function and how to survive for the most of your entire life, and that's no longer there as part of your survival or need for safety, then there's a process where you feel sad about it, and you're in and out of that grieving process. And grieving has like five steps that are not linear, they're all over the place, and finally you come to accept this as you step into becoming that new version of you that is in the process. Think of it like you're in the cocoon. If you were becoming a butterfly, this is the part where you've gone, you're no longer a caterpillar, you're in this gooey, sloppy mess, it's that messy middle phase. But what comes out of that, that beautiful butterfly, is worth waiting, incubating that time period that's being spent to build the new you that's gonna come out, like that transformative butterfly, that version that's ready to take flight, to be free, to be seen, to experience life a little bit lighter, a little bit better. Whenever we're going through this, your body's responding at the same time. So not only are you having all of these internal emotions, but the body could be on that fight, flight, freeze response. Or if you're like me, part of my process was I was always in that fight, flight, freeze response. And my nervous system was completely just off the charts, out of whack, in overdrive 100% of the time. And when I came into that messy middle where I was transforming into this new person, part of my spiritual awakening, for me, it was when I got into Qigong. It took my nervous system from being in this heightened state of fight, flight, freeze all the way down to where I felt calm and peaceful and present, and my thoughts stopped racing. So this new version of me that I wasn't quite used to, but trust me, it feels a lot nicer to not have a racing brain, to not have your nervous system making you feel like you need to cry at the drop of anything or anyone saying anything to you. It feels a lot better, but it also feels foreign because it's not something that you're used to, and it wasn't something that I was used to, but became accustomed to the more I experienced it, the more I learned it, and then through that processing, it became a part of me to be in this state of existence. But that old version of me that was always on edge, that person died. Like she doesn't exist anymore. So you have something in your life where you've gone through some kind of a healing and maybe sloughed off a piece of you, or you've learned new information and had to wrap your brain around a new concept or way of being or decondition from some brainwashing that you received in growing up. It's messy because sometimes there's a lot of emotions. It's messy because you don't know where you're going. It's messy because you might feel like you're just wandering around and hitting different walls every which way you turn. But each of those is leading you into a direction to that new version of you that's coming forth and forward and ready to emerge. And that version is going to feel a lot better than the previous version that you're shedding, and even a lot better than when you're in the crux of it, going through all of these changes, trying to figure things out. When we're in that messy middle, it's really good to allow yourself that grieving process. If you need to cry about the old version of you, if you need to cry because there's a new version of you that is emerging and you lost friends and family because they're not resonating with this version of you, cry it out. Man, that's really hard. And yet it happens all the time as we are growing and going through our processes. We often lose people in our lives that we may have thought were important and they don't accept the new version of us. Or maybe they were just there for that older version of us in the habits or the activities that older version enjoyed, and now they just don't resonate with that new version, and then you have to attract and make new friends, and it it sucks, like it's that messy middle. You lost a bunch of people, you don't have friends, and you're looking for that connection. But the connection with the people that appreciate and love and respect this new version of you, respect any new boundaries that you have, respect the way that you want to go about life, and they're there for it. And those people are out there, but again, we're talking about that part in the middle where it's just not there. The other thing about going through this middle section is there's gonna be a lot of unknowns, and it is totally okay to be in that unknown, to not know what's gonna happen next, to not know where you're going, to just either going with the flow or even just trying to go day by day figuring it out, giving yourself the grace to not know because I mean, in reality, we don't actually know where we're going, we don't know what the next minute holds, let alone the next hour, the next day, the next week. We don't even know if we have all of that time. And when we're in that messy middle, it feels maybe even more compounded and not knowing. But you can say to yourself, I don't know who I am right now, and that's okay. That is okay. When we're in this messy middle, it also might feel like we're in a dark room or we're in the darkness. Think back to the caterpillar to the butterfly. It is in darkness, it's literally becoming goo in that cocoon state, and that darkness is something to get through to make that transformation. If you are going through a dark tunnel, eventually there's gonna be a way out of that dark tunnel, there's light on the other side. So even walking through what sometimes feels like a dark space in your life could be considered the messy middle. This is a place where you might want more time with yourself, more reflection time, more meditation time, more just figuring your own self out. What are the new needs that you have? What is the best way to direct your life so that it is serving you as best as possible and eventually allowing you to be and show up in the world in the way that you desire, not anyone else's rules, not anyone else's expectations, simply what you're going through for you. Because that's what the messy middle is about, is about discovering that, and that's part of that incubation process, that sitting with it, that figuring it out. So I can speak for in my own life, whenever I've gone through some of these transitions, I've had to pull back and incubate, if you will, reflect on new things. I will do different tools. So part of it is new tools are coming into my life all the time. So it's qigong, breath work, dance, um, tapping, all of these different ways to move emotions through the body, to move things. They become uh coping tools, they help regulate the nervous system. That's been a big part of my journey is learning how to regulate my nervous system, how to recognize when it is starting to be overactivated or when I'm starting to move into a triggering moment. For you, it might be something completely different because we all get different lessons and different journeys in life, different experiences. That's what it's all about, but that doesn't make you exempt from going through a process where you might be experiencing some of these things. So here's a couple things that you can do when you're in this state, like you could totally journal off. I personally journal whenever I have too much on my mind, too much going on, and I need to get it out. I would love to be good journaling every single day. Unfortunately, that's not my personality type, and I highly admire those people that do really take that time to write something down every day, and then they have this way of reflecting back on it. I personally have just found journaling to be kind of like a brain dump. It allows me to sort out my thoughts and stop looping them in my brain whenever I am going through all of those things. It's not for everybody, but it is a good way. Likewise, you can speak to a friend. So as long as if you still have a friend when you're going through this process that's somebody that can be a good ear and allow you to vent or just listen, maybe they have some good advice, maybe you don't want their advice, maybe you just want a listening ear. But having a having a good friend there that can allow you to vent is a really good way of helping out. One of the things that you can focus on specifically in journaling this because you're in that that middle space is a not yet journal. So I'm not yet to this point. I'm not yet to this point. You might be dreaming about the way that you want to be, or a skill that you want to achieve, or that next level, but you're not there yet. So the journal becomes some about writing where you're not quite yet, and then comparing that to where you are and where you want to go. In a way, you could look at that as manifesting new character traits and the version of you that you are becoming. Whenever you happen to find yourself in an overwhelming moment in this in-between phase in life, if you can take a couple deep breaths in, internally, mentally, take a step back and just get through the next 15 minutes. What can you do to get through this 15 minutes here and just focus on that? Not everything that's ahead of that, not this version of you that's gonna become whoever that is because it's not now. Is there something that you can tangibly feel? Is there something that you see that you smell? Think about the five senses. So this can kind of pull you back into your body, into the present moment. So just focusing on where you are right now and not becoming overwhelmed with the grief or the changes or even some of the hollowness that it might feel like you're experiencing in this in-between phase in life. The other thing that you might have to do is set some boundaries. And I think the more that we grow, the more we learn about ourselves, we do have to set boundaries with other people in our lives so that they can learn how to respect us the way that we need to be respected, especially the new version that we are becoming. It might even just be a boundary that's within this time frame. That think of a boundary like putting a soft shell around yourself. So if you were that cocoon, it is that actual cocoon that's around the mush that's in the middle, and that's your boundary. Don't touch something is happening, don't bother me. Things are happening, and it can help to protect your own energy and conserve that so that you can put that where it needs to go for now as you learn how to navigate where you've been, what you're becoming, and what this journey has in store for you. So these are just kind of little things that you can do in the moment to help you move through this crazy part of life. I would honestly have to say, I feel like I've gone through that a lot. Like lots of different little identity deaths, pieces of me that have shloughed off. And I think you can experience a piece of you dying while another piece is being reborn. So it may not even be your entire being, it could be maybe an interest that you really have liked for a long time, and it kind of started fading out, and now you're looking for something else that's going to occupy your brain, your mind, your time, and you don't know what that is yet. It could be as simple as that, or it could be a lot bigger, like um the way that you have patterned to keep yourself safe since you were a child and you went through some healing or really intense workshop or something that helped you heal through a little bit, and now you're in this space where you're feeling complacent. Wherever that is for you, wherever that messy middle is, you are good exactly where you are. It's totally okay to be in that messy middle. And if you have any stories that you would like to share, please feel free to put them in the comments here or on YouTube and let me know. I would love to join in conversation with you about wherever you are in that process in your life. So if you happen to be experiencing this messy middle part of life, just know it's not a sign that you're failing. It is a sign that true transformation is working. You have to become undone just a little bit in order to be remade. Kind of like clay. Has to be smooshed up to be made into something beautiful. And that is what the transformation is about. That's the middle part. Well, I hope you get through your messy middle. And if you're still here and you really like what you're hearing, and you think a friend needs to hear this, please share. You can rate me on Apple iTunes, give me five stars on Spotify. You can hop over to YouTube if you're listening and you can see my face. Or you can also like and subscribe, leave comments, and that all helps the algorithm and helps get this out to people who also might want to hear a little bit of whatever it is that I'm talking about, and then also awesome interviews that I do with people. Thank you so much for listening. And as you embrace your humanness, be kind, be human. And remember everything is part of the journey.