That's Just Human
That’s Just Human, a podcast that explores all aspects of being human, living in a body, and dealing with life’s obstacles. We discuss people’s stories, learn practical tools for growth and healing that help you learn to step into your authentic self and aliveness.
That's Just Human
Episode 41:The Alchemy of Reclaiming Self-Sanctuary
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The Heart of the Episode:
This episode flips the script on the conventional spiritual narrative that transformation must be an exhausting, grueling struggle. Elisha sits down with Samantha-Jayne Love to explore a more luminous path: pleasure as a sacred, sovereign medicine. The conversation maps how softening, reclaiming true intimacy, and remembering how to receive joy allows deep emotional armor to dissolve organically, moving out of hard survival loops and into absolute self-sovereignty.
The Transmission:
The dialogue bridges ancient wisdom with modern energetic alignment to dissect how we hold and release energy in the body:
- The Trap of Extreme Living: Healing often gets delayed because we repeat a survival loop of oscillating between extremes or using frantic external validation and "entertainment" to mask the deep inner struggles we are avoiding.
- Building the Self-Sanctuary: True transformation requires a period of pulling back to learn how to feel safe in your own skin, away from the noise, creating an inner sanctuary where your nervous system can finally drop its guard.
- The Power of Softening: Shifting away from forced boundaries or rigid structures, the transmission reveals that letting the body soften and honoring your internal capacity is the exact alchemy required to trigger an emotional rebirth.
Elisha's Invitation:
“I invite you to take a step back from over-giving out of a pure sense of obligation, and instead, join me in practicing radical alignment with your own physical form. My deepest hope is that you choose to tune in, aggressively protect your own energetic capacity, and begin using pleasure, joy, and conscious presence as everyday somatic tools to activate your own state of radiant self-love.”
Time Stamps:
00:00 Welcome Guest Samantha-Jayne
01:45 The Struggle Healing Myth
04:12 Extreme Living Survival Loops
08:30 Turning Point Radical Sovereignty
13:15 Masking Struggles Behind Entertainment
16:40 External Validation Worth Trap
21:05 Healing Alone Self Sanctuary
25:50 Fembodiment Method Tantric Practices
30:15 Sex vs True Intimacy
34:40 Reclaiming Pleasure Sacred Medicine
39:10 Womb Wisdom Ancient Alchemy
43:25 Body Listening Boundary Alignment
46:50 Prioritizing Self Over Obligation
51:15 Softening Into Emotional Rebirth
55:40 Radiant Self Love Activation
Links to find Samantha-Jayne Love on the internet:
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Link to Transcript of Show:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ckt4LKKtJfVzWY7H1E2SSQF2GS7OHm-6/view?usp=sharing
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Find Elisha Elsewhere on the web:
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The way why I stayed for so long was he he thought he was a bit of a gangster um and he would manipulate situations so that he would look good so he did a dodgy a dodgy drug deal which I had no idea about but I found out because there was a hit out on me because instead of sell sending the proper product he sent or human his friend sent pretty much Panadol.
SPEAKER_01Hello and welcome to That's Just Human, a podcast that explores all aspects of being human, living in a human body and dealing with life's obstacles. I'm your host, Elisha Light Angel. By day, I'm a massage therapist. Right now I'm a podcaster. And like you, I live in a human body and I have a plethora of human experiences. And this is the space I've created to talk about mine and everybody else's that wants to talk to me about their human experiences. So today I get to hear about another life experience, and I'm really delighted to be introducing my next guest, Samantha Jane Love. And she is a woman of many layers. She's a counselor, a self-empowerment coach, a facilitator, a mother, and what she likes to call a revolutionist. And here she is to help shift the way that women experience themselves and their lives. But she has a really powerful story and journey that she's been through. And I'm really excited to get to hear it from her and share it with you. So help join me in welcoming Samantha. Thank you for coming onto my podcast.
SPEAKER_00Oh, thank you for having me. It's very exciting. It's very exciting.
SPEAKER_01We connected because I put out a little post wanting guests in a group, and she answered. And um, so I think we'll just like get into your story.
SPEAKER_00Let's do this.
SPEAKER_01Okay, I can start wherever you feel is the starting point, maybe back in the marriage or how life was.
SPEAKER_00How life was. Okay. Where to start? There's so many places I could start. So, as Alicia said, I am SMT Jane Love, and I have been living on this beautiful planet for 50 years, and I call it my golden era. So my little children were like, Mommy, don't lie, don't say you're golden, you're 50. I'm like, shh, it just lands a little bit nicer in my brain when I say golden. And I have experienced many losses. I remember the first loss in my life was of my papa, and he I just remember him being this man who would love to laugh and be full of life, and that happened when I was four years old. Um, and then there was just a lot of losses. My mum and dad split up, there was lots that happened, and I was the oldest, so I felt the brunt of it. I feel more personally, I felt the brunt of it a lot harder than what my younger sisters did. And there was always this part of me inside that was longing to be loved, and when you have this longing to be loved, you look for it in all of the wrong places, and I did I did a lot of naughty, naughty things, they were fun, but they were naughty. Um, I probably tried things a little bit too early. Um, I didn't have a lot of guidance, um, and I was people pleasing a lot and saying yes to things that were unsafe, probably really dangerous, and you know, it was fast cars, fast money, lots of other things that may not have been legal either. Um, you know, I drank too early, I tried other things too early, only to be appeasing to everybody else, to fit in, to be loved, to you know, to try and feel something within me. And I just didn't know how to do that for myself, and it's not one of the things that you go to school and they're like, here's the self-love class.
SPEAKER_01True.
SPEAKER_00Um, you know, maybe maybe that's my thing that um I need to put that into the curriculum across the world. That from a really young age, this is what we do, and this is how we we treat other people because we're treating ourselves the way that we want to be treated. But through all of that, I had my first, I suppose, big love. We were engaged, I was only 18. Um, and for some people that's a normal age, but we were together for about five years, and then it just ended quite abruptly, and I was heartbroken, and went down another spiral path of having too much fun trying to fill a hole in my heart, but this hole had lots of cracks, so it was really difficult to start filling, and that's when I met my then well my estranged husband, and I was with him for a very long time, probably in total. I've known him for about 26 years, and from the get-go, there was deceptions and lies, and oh no, I don't have a wife anymore. We've broken up, and that I just remember just in the first little while of meeting him, the words of no one's ever gonna love you like I do, and so on some level all of those holes had stuff in it, but it was like piling dog poo into the cracks. It wasn't very good, but the cracks were filled. Yeah I know it's like I can taste it, I can feel it, I can sense it, it's gross, but the holes are covered, and you know, going back even 20 years, like this talk of the red flags and the green flags just wasn't really a thing back then. Um when we speak into the way that domestic violence is seen, most people go, has he hit her? Has he punched her? Has he drawn blood somewhere? Like that's the way that domestic violence or violence towards women is thought, and it was an interesting thing because I was studying and studying this particular topic, and anytime it came up, because it wasn't a big thing that you could go and report. So I'm in Australia, I don't and I know that it's different all over the world, but there's psychological ways that people like the coercive control, the narcissistic behaviours, all of that wasn't something that you could go to the police station and say, Hey, my husband or my partner or whoever is being a real dick, essentially. Um, because there's a saying here in Australia, and they I don't know whether it's the same in America, but we have a saying here, go drink a cup of cement and harden the fuck up. And that's don't have emotions, don't like you're being too emotional, essentially, that strain of you know what they used to do to women putting them into mental institutions because we were being too emotional. She's got hysteria. No, she's just got big emotions, and you're being a dick. That was still filtering through, and still really does filter through, and we've only in Australia there's one state where you can actually go to jail now for coercive control. And I know that the word narcissist gets thrown around, but it's not just one-off behavior, this is consistent behaviors, and for some people it's interesting because I was talking with a friend, and she's like, If someone was behaving that way to me, I'd just go. However, when you've got all these cracks and they've been filled with dog poo, when certain things are happening, because the love bombing is so great that those cracks of dog poo are then sprinkled with glitter. And I don't know about you, but I am a glitter girl, so I remember back my friends still laugh about it. They'd be like, We could see this bloody fairy trail, and we'd be like, Sassy's here. That was my nickname, Sassy Cat. Um, and they'd be like, She's here, because I literally had I was like Bloody Tinkerbell, I was leaving a glitter trail. So when there's glitter involved, I'm like, oh shiny thing, I'm staying around for a little bit more. Dog poo smells, gagging all the things, but there's glitter. And the thing that happens to me was he would like to cause chaos, he was like a chaos agent, not in the get smart good way either. Great. Um, he like we would be doing things and he'd be like, I just love pushing people's buttons. So when someone's saying I like pushing people's buttons, that was his favorite pastime. So every time I would do a course, a workshop, a facilitator training, circle, whatever it was, he would up his auntie to see whether it stuck, and he would use all of the things that he could possibly do to make me sad or heightened, or just you know, when someone's poking you and you poke and you poke and you poke, and I don't know whether you have siblings, but I remember when we were young when we would just you know, kids fight, and we would just poke and poke, and that's what it used to do to me. So there was many uh car ride where for literally 25 years that I would jump in the car, do you know where you're going? Yes, of course I do, male. Um, and then there would be a barrage of what are you doing? Why haven't you told me where we're going? And I would end up crying. And I knew that this was gonna happen every time, so I would say, Do you know where you're going? So it wasn't I never got hit, there was more coerced things with him. There was other things that happened way before I met him, but the words that he would say a lot were, if you don't have sex with me, I will go and get it somewhere else. It's very manipulative, very manipulative. So I know of five real cases where he has fessed up to having liaisons with other people. Um then what would happen is, and they weren't short things, it'd be like a whole weekend or a week away, or um, and then he would say that I would have to become friends with that person, or I it would be the spiritual thing to do to be forgiving, and I should get over it, and I thought that you were more spiritual than that, like there's a lot, there's a lot. Um, and there was the last one that really it was probably the last draw in my hat, and I was like, How do I get away from this? And we were away, there was a lot of people around, there was a camping trip, um, our little girls were with us, but there was some wild grasses, and they were just at the edge, like their heads were at the height of the wild grass, so they had itchy eyes and they had hit itchy skin. So I took them home. But before I left, I was like, Oh my goodness, I made a new friend, and that's another story. Making friends when you're older, that's always uh an interesting thing because everyone's got their little quirks and their ways, and um, we all come with our baggage, so it's like dating, dating other people to become friends because you know, some people have had amazing friendships, and then other people are like, this friend hurt me. Are you gonna do the same? So, anyway, I've gone, I've really made a friend, she was fun, she was like just one of my people. I took the girls home, he sought this woman out and coerced her because I approached her about it afterwards. Um, and in our tent proceeded to have sex with her on our family blow-up mattress. Wow, um, yes, and then walked her back to her tent all gentlemanly. Now, that part shouldn't make any difference for many people. However, if I ever needed to go somewhere, there was neville chivalry for me. Get yourself there, you'll be right. I am if I ever said that I'm scared, I'll get over it. It's not far, but for any other woman, he would go above and beyond. And then he came home, he didn't tell me straight away, he came home, had sex with me, and then told me.
SPEAKER_01Oh, no, no, that's not okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, so that was like the end little thing. But the way why I stayed for so long was he thought he was a bit of a gangster, um, and he would manipulate situations so that he would look good. So he did a dodgy a dodgy drug deal, which I had no idea about, but I found out because there was a hit out on me because instead of sell sending the proper product, he sent or him and his friend sent pretty much Panadol to this place that I was living, and I was like, oh my god, I can't even go back to where my so it was a different state. I couldn't even go back to where my mum and my dad were because you know you're like, what the hell?
SPEAKER_01I'm like, there's a hit out on you, like this is your life. So um, how did you find out that there's a hit on you?
SPEAKER_00So the the guy that I was staying with, he he was like he told me, so we you know, like we were quite good friends, and you know, these were people that we you know, this town that we came from was quite small, so everyone sort of knew each other as well. And he's like, You can't go back, this is what's gone down. Did you know? I'm like, I don't even know about any of this, like um, and he's like, it's not safe for you to go there, you go back there, and shit's gonna go happening, whether you just get beaten or you're like crocodile food, that you know, something bad's gonna happen if you've set foot in that town, so there's fear, so I can't go back to my mum who's in this town. There's nothing else for me, and but then he's also doing this love bombing at the same time of oh no, that wasn't me. I didn't, you know, because I was stuck in this place of I don't know who to believe. I just so and remember, this is a girl who's got all these cracks and filled up with dog poo. So um, I was like, okay, well, we're staying here, and life just got you know, there was a love bombing, and then there was more dog poo, and then then it was dried dog poo, and it was like dried dog poo being thrown in my face. And I got so used to the dog poo that on the outside people could see the shiny glitter part, but on the inside it was like a kitty litter tray that hasn't been changed for a month. And if anyone's ever had cats, you know that that's pretty gross. Or it's like if you've got a big dog and you haven't picked up doo-doo for a really long time, you're not going outside because there's just landmines everywhere. So that's how I felt uh my life was. So my inner circle was always very small. Anytime that I would make some friends, he would interject and go, Are we gonna loot move over here? Are we gonna do all of this? And you know, that saying of why didn't you just leave? Because that part of me that was courageous was like pessimort into this dust, and I don't know where it was. I had to go find it and put it back together. I needed some real magic, and I didn't feel like I had it at all. Um, and it was interesting. I'd go to spiritual courses and this, and people would say, Yeah, but it's inside of you, and I'm like, I can't see it. I just I couldn't see it, I couldn't feel it. There was just so much of the dog poo in all of the cracks that I just it didn't matter how many courses I did or how many times I did a you know uh thing, I would get to a certain place and then be like, oh, I can't go too much higher because the res repercussions of me going higher would be dangerous. And for me, dangerous didn't mean a punch in the face or something, it would just mean that. It would be dangerous, and I couldn't explain it at the time. But then when I stepped away, now the thing is, we'd moved around. I ended up having two beautiful little angels after many, many, many, many, many miscarriages. And for anyone that's listening out there, if you've ever had a miscarriage, your body doesn't know whether you've gone full term or whether it's seven weeks. You are pregnant or you're not pregnant. So your body goes through all of the post hormones, so all the depletion. So you will have a miscarriage, you'll have that elation of oh, I've just had a birth, and then you go into the oh life's gonna be really hard for a little while. So whether or not you have a little bundle of joy, that's what happened. So my body was going through all of these hormone changes. Um, so hormone changes, dried poo in cracks, there just wasn't enough capacity, and I was going to therapist, I was having things, but every time I went away, I would make that decision going, I really want to go and have this weekend away where I get to learn this beautiful modality, but there was part of me only there was probably 90% of me in the modality, and 10% that was getting me ready for the fight, the fight on the the outset. So whether or not it was that he'd been looking after the girls, even before children, there was a fight of you've had your fun, so I'm gonna go and have my fun, and that would be I'm just going, I would pick he would pick a fight, he would just go away, and then he'd be non-contactable. So for me, because I am so loving and open, and I was like, Where is this person? I don't know where this person is, um, and I would freak out, and so all these people that we knew would be like, She's the crazy lady looking around, but everyone was seeing certain behaviors, but no one was saying things to me, and that's an interesting thing as well. So it got to the point after that last time of the the tent incident, let's just say, and I was just how do I get out of this now? How do I get out? But he decided that he would take me to the place where he was born and we would move our family there. He sold it on there's gonna be more family there, it's gonna be amazing, there'll be more connection. I was like, Yeah, I don't know about that. Anyway, because I was submissive to him, I we just ended up doing that, and towards the end, we'd been there for about six months, and he was getting a sore back, and he ended up just before Christmas in hospital. He was his legs weren't working, he's gone paralyzed, and there was part of me, there was 90% of me that was like, Oh my god, this is happening to my husband, but then that 10% of me that was generally on the let's get ready for the fight flipped over, and it was like, let's get the fuck out of here, and there was shame and there was guilt, and there was a lot of stuff coming up in regards to all of the things with him, and so what I did because he was not a very nice person, it was still in time where where we were we had a code brown in the hospital. That means that only patients and staff could be in the hospital. It was in the COVID times, and he was like, all of his friends were like, let's break him out. I'm like, where are you gonna put him? He can't be here. Like, I don't want him here. Like, honestly, what do you what are you guys thinking? Like, he needs to stay there. Um, I even had one of his nurses going, um what what's going on? I'm like, I don't know why I've not seen him. You guys are looking after him 24-7. So if there's something that you guys are seeing, that's probably what's going on. So um yeah, because she was like, I it's inconsistent with what's going on. He's saying he can't pick up his drink, but then can pick up his phone. So I'm like um. But he actually liked there was a part of him that liked being in hospital because he had people serving him 24-7. Like his, you know, grandeur of being king was being served on some level. So there was a time we got to a point where just so he'd been in hospital for three months, and um, he was just being nastier and nastier every time he got on the phone to me, it was just nastiness. Um, and it wasn't like he would talk to a nurse and then be vile to me while he was on the phone, and I would just get all the vile part, and I'm like, This is not okay. I'm like, I understand you're in pain, however, I've just heard you be nice, you can be kind to me, and it just escalated and escalated and escalated, and I said no to him for you know breaking him out and all of these things, and he kept blocking my number, and I'm like, What is going on right now? Um, and it got to the point where I said to him after the second time, I'm like, This is really hard on me and the kids as well. And I said, You block my number again, and that is it. So, of course, he thought he had control, he blocked my number, and I'm like, Okay, bye. I rang my stepdad, and it's the first time that I ever rang my stepdad, and he's like, You need to get here now. So it was the next state over that they were in, and that's what I did. I got off the phone from him, I put in our four weeks' notice for our rental property, and I left. And so there was all the rumors, and he was still on Facebook at this time. Oh my goodness, my wife left me while I'm paralyzed in hospital. Um, and long story short, he was he finally got left out, let out. He was started a relationship with a lady who his was his carer. Um, and he was then saying he found the love of his life and da da da da da da. Um, and he kept wanting to take the girls to these festivals, like we call them doof-doofs over here. Hold them what? We call them doof doofs, so um it's like electric, um, electro um, electric music. So yeah, but it's out outdoors, and he wanted to take the girls to that. But he was putting on one of these parties, and he said it was kid friendly. Now I've been around the scene for a very long time, and what it means kid friendly, it's it's just a marketing ploy most of the time. Most of the people if it's a Sunday session, most people have been awake maybe for that amount of time. There's not a lot of people that are clean and narrow. I mean, there are some people that like to go dancing clean and narrow, but yes, there wasn't it's not a sober space, it's not necessarily normal a sober space. And this particular place was a club, it's been open Friday night, Saturday night. There could have been all sorts of lollies that my friend my little angels could have found. And kids, they see a lolly, they put it in their mouth. If they don't like sniff it or whatever, if it looks like a lolly, they put it in their mouth. So, once again, can we come back to a poo analogy? If it looks like it, it generally isn't like you know, so I said no. Anyway, there's been this blow-up because once again I've said no, he must have been whinging about that. I don't know what's happened, but then he's blown up with his love of his life, and there was one of our mutual friends that he I'm gonna use the word coveted. He would tell me in front of me how he adored her and how amazing she was, and we you know, like I knew her husband, like our kids all played, but he coveted this woman. Anyway, she's he's this is just after this particular weekend where I've told him no, the love of his life's broken up with him, she's gone over there, and he's on a cocktail of all sorts of drugs, which was not unbeknown to him. Um, and he's having one of his moments. Now I've seen these moments before, and within that moment there was a knife incident, and he's inflicted injuries on himself and inflicted injuries on her. She passed from her injuries and he was in ICU. So his mum called me the next day and said was crying, and at that time I was sad because I was still connected with the weaves and the webs of our very long life together, but then it just kept going and going and going, and his mum, like the first week, I was like empathetic to it, but I was also empathetic to how am I gonna tell my kids about this, and that has been for the last two years, how am I gonna tell my kids about what's going on? So my little angels know that daddy is in jail, they don't know what daddy has done, but daddy will probably be in jail for a very long time now. Um and even up to not so long ago, there was still the webs and the coils and the cords that were intertwined, and I found an analogy of what it looks like in my brain. And if you've ever seen a grapevine growing, it's like the there's long bits, and then there's these spirals in the grapevine, and that's what was intertwined into our reality. That this grapevine twisting and turning, and I've had to while he's done the thing that he's done, unfortunately, the system doesn't work alongside each other. I've still had to be in this space um and ask for an intervention order so that he can't contact my little angels. Um, so this fantasy that I had in my brain of oh my goodness, I'm gonna have this really long relationship. I wanted a long um marriage, I wanted to get to 50 years, like I wanted to have the milestones. Hollywood and their movies does not do women good sometimes. No, no, it doesn't. It does not, but I remember like you know, my grandma and my grandpa, they were they had this um relationship where they would fight, but they were together, but you know, and she's still she's still kicking, bless her, 97 years old. Um, and he passed 20 odd years ago, and it was like it's still like it was yesterday for her. Um Wow. Yeah, and you know, that was sort of a h high bar to live up to, so that was what I was trying, you know, that's what I wanted to find. Unfortunately, I didn't find that. And um when I was around his family, his mum would say the words, and I know it wasn't for me, it was just a reminder for herself. Oh, that's just the way it is. That's just the way it is. So she was very good at sweeping the dog poo under the rug. Sweeping the dog poo under the rug.
SPEAKER_01Um did you have a good relationship with her at all?
SPEAKER_00Yes, while I was managing her son. So she would say to me all the time, you need to manage them better.
SPEAKER_01Wow.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. You need to manage you're not managing this very well, Samantha.
SPEAKER_01Interesting, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so I wonder what kind of concepts she grew up with on how women passed when she was 12.
SPEAKER_01Well, because I didn't get this in my upgrade bringing. I've just seen it on the screen. I do know that you know, some women, and I think maybe even in other countries, it's more than it is here in the states. That the women are kind of controlling the show, but manipulatively, um, like to the men to make them think that the guy thinks it's their idea. I don't know. There's this whole it sounds really complicated if you're an asking.
SPEAKER_00Uh yeah, no, I I understand. Yeah, and that's that's that sort of thing of um I'm running the show, um, but you just need to think that let them think that they're in control. Yeah. Um but it's exhausting when you're doing that.
SPEAKER_01Just talking about it isn't sounding exhausting. Yeah, it's like living a life like that where you're where this is your your way of being, because that also doesn't sound like any kind of a healthy relationship to have with somebody. And if I was gonna make it 50 years, which I I don't have 50 years left in me to make it with somebody, but I would want it to be a healthy relationship, not a toxic relationship. And so, yeah, we find ourselves in different kinds of toxic relationships at different levels. Some of them are shorter term, some of them like yours are longer term.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, and I probably stayed longer because I had a lot of those short burst ones leading up to it. Um, you know, and it's not anything that happened, it's just m the way that I put it all together in my little, you know, I don't like to do the oh it's my parents' fault, or it's this, you know, when you when you're young, yeah, okay, but when you learn things, it's like sometimes as a parent you're doing the best thing that you can. And um there's this part of me, you know, and when he first went into jail, he was there was a bit of contact there, and but he was trying to still manipulate me. He wanted me to go, um, I think he I think he wanted yelled conjugal visits. I'm like, hmm so no. I just come, I don't want to talk to you about the girls. I'm like, oh no, thank you. I don't want to one, I don't want to go into that because energetically to go into a a prison, I just don't want to have to deal with that. Um, and you know the the Kling-ons, the attachments. I can imagine what's there, and I don't want to put myself in that particular thing, and there was no way in the world that I was gonna take my two little angels into that. So I know a lot of other women are struggling with their other person or the father of their children, and I'm like, there's part of me that envies them because they get some time off where I don't get the time off. However, I don't have to argue with anybody, I don't have yeah, so there is this peace that I'm like now that there's a conviction and I know that because people were like, oh no, he he's gonna go away, it's fine, don't worry about it. But for me, for all the things that I've learned over the years, there was part of me going, he's gonna get away with this. Like it's irrational, however, it was there, and until you know, and even still now, he hasn't been sentenced. Yes, he's away. There's this part of me going, hmm, what's his sentence actually gonna be? Um, it's just I've seen but what it was, it wasn't that he would get away with it, he would throw me under the bus a lot. And I'd be the one that got blamed for it.
SPEAKER_01So how long has he been in jail?
SPEAKER_00So the incident happened back in 2033. So a couple years. Yeah, so in August, it will be three years since the incident. Um yeah, so he but there was this time last year he actually got out on bail. Um and that was the last time my little girl saw their nana because she it's you know his her son, and my oldest girl heard them talking that daddy was out on bail. No one talked to her as well. No one talked to me. I found out from a internet news article, um, and I went into oh my goodness, I don't want them to see him because they've been going to you know, we've been doing counseling and we've been doing all the things to try and make their life normal because they knew daddy was in jail, and that's enough for they didn't need to know why, but because if you end up in jail, generally you've done something pretty bad. So, um and because she couldn't tell me, and there was ample opportunities for her to tell me, we decided that it was the best because she will always do what because he would manipulate his mother as well. So she asked me to write a character reference for him and was gaslighting me saying he was the best husband and I should write this because he provided.
SPEAKER_01That doesn't make the best husband. Yeah, I I'm like, yeah, but he's there's a lot of elements to the relationship, not just bringing in some money.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. And he, you know, it wasn't like we he was doing all of the things, he would make some money and then he'd go and do his frivolous things. So we were never really getting ahead. Um, and if I was there was this really interesting thing that now being a solo mum, like I've got a little angel upstairs sleeping right now. And I can do this by myself. Where when I was still with him, I would book something in and he would let the girls come in instead of and just because I wasn't allowed to shine too bright. I could shine bright for things that he wanted. However, if it was for me, there would always be an interjecture.
SPEAKER_01So what have been some of your coping tools, your self-growth tools, like the things that you've gone to through this process that have helped you to build a more solid foundation in yourself and start learning how to love yourself in the ways that you didn't know how to?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So what I did was I one of my beautiful mentors, Jenny Mears, she said to me, Sammy, and I've been working for her with her for a very long time. Um, I found her when I was I just had another miscarriage, and I just wanted to get on board with what was going on in my body because I just wanted to have a baby so deeply. Um, probably for the wrong reason at the time, however, I still did want one. Um and she has created this method called the Fembodiment Method, and when I first did it, um, it was a 10-day, 10-hour a day intensive of tantra training with Dow medicines and things like that. And I did that, there was a big blow-up just before this. He because he didn't want to look after the girls for two days for 10 days straight, so there was a big thing that happened, and she's like, I've changed the training, I've added more into it. There was sexological bodywork, there was more hypnotic languaging, it's gone from a 10-day to a two-year thousand-hour. So it was a big course. She's like, It's running again, and we'd already said yes to it. It started the month after he went to jail. Oh well, he did this incident, so there was all of this going on in the background, but all of that brought up so much stuff that I still hadn't been. So I resat the training with my two little angels, the thousand hours, and what it was was it's all about resetting your nervous system and really finding the boundaries within yourself and finding your groundedness, deep groundedness. And my business name was Infinite Love Connection, and I believe still wholly that everyone should find that infinite love connection because we are spiritual beings having this human experience. However, he did a lot of tainting of that particular name for me, so I was like, Oh, I want I really want to have something of this new essence of myself, yeah. And I was like, Oh, and you know, I think the name will come back around. I think it's going to be a program, it's just like it's getting clear, it's in the washing cycle. So while I was, you know, doing this this training, I just got to meet all of these parts of myself because essentially my body was his, it wasn't really mine, and I know that there are a lot of women out there that they sort of give over of themselves that we don't hold ourselves as our own sacred vessel, it sort of belongs to somebody else, and I just kept reclaiming parts of myself energetically, spiritually, physically, and there was a lot of not crying, I can tell you now. But the elements within the embodiment work is we do go into integrated pelvic care, and for all of the the birth trauma, the sexual trauma, the you know, just anguish, even the you know, because as women, some people don't like their period, some people I had a beltholon cyst, which has popped up 21 times. That could be another podcast as well. Wow, yes, um, because my body was actually going, I don't want this person near me anymore, but I just wasn't listening because I was powered with poo and stuff like that. So essentially, doing all of that, I did a lot of spiritual cleansing, I did a lot of energetic cleansing, and then a lot of deep grounding into Gaia work as well. Um, and my body and my womb just starts working sometimes. If I have a woman sit in front of me, I'm like, they're like, Oh, I can feel my womb. I'm like, I just can't help it. She just does it, she just starts, she starts. So, really reclaiming that. So, the infinite love connection moved to Willow Wisdom Woman because the willow tree, she can stand in a grove of willows, but she can also stand strong by herself, she needs beautiful deep roots, and that canopy of the the leaves, and she dances with you when you're standing with her, so um that's what the essence of my of me is, and it's not that I say my business, but it's just an extension of who I am because I've had to clean out the dog poo, I've had to clean out the all the things, and it's really funny that now when there's glitter, because I have an eight-year-old and an almost 10-year-old, there's glitter everywhere, and I'm like, hmm, it's not covering any dog poo, it's it's just beautiful, so it's it's not a one thing, like you can go and do a do a thing and be like, I feel amazing, but as we say, it's not that you're always gonna feel horrible because you can have those moments where you're like, Yep, I'm cruising, I'm really feeling good, but then something will happen, you're like, Oh, that happened a long time ago, I don't even remember that. It's just your body memory, and I love really getting into the generational stuff as well. So I had a gift from my great-grandmother, and I didn't think it was a gift at the time, so on my 18th birthday, she crossed over and she passed on my 18th birthday, so that was 32 years ago, and I was like, Why would she do that? and it's taken me all of this time to realize that she never had that courage to face her own inner demons, and that she felt that I had the courage to do it for the whole bloodline.
SPEAKER_01Wow, well, good job. Congratulations. But you can clear that so that your daughters don't have to deal with that.
SPEAKER_00Exactly, and it's it's a really interesting thing that you know there's things that pop up with them, and we do it's such a joy, and even when you think that you're doing such a good job, you're like, Oh, why is my I'm my daughter shouldn't be doing this. I'm like, what's going on? Haven't I cleared this enough? And it's an interesting thing to do it together with them because if I'm clearing it now, they've already had it because they were in their eggs were in me while I was in my mum, who you know, like there is that real scientific version of it. So there's sometimes that we do some of the tamer stuff together, and we really have conversations about we call it the tukana knacker, but your vagina and your vulva and everything. We talk about all of that, we talk about periods, they call it the bleedy time. They're like, Are you alright, mummy? You know, when will I get mine? What do I do with all of this? It's this beautiful space of being able to talk about that because I know that my mum was just like uh no, I don't want to talk about it. His stuff, deal with it, um, and learning from my mum. My mum was a person that doesn't talk about things, and you know, she ended up having an eight kilo cyst. So kilo, wait a minute, I need to transform that. So very big, so about this big cyst, so yeah, um, around her um her uterine lining, so she's had that removed, the full hysterectomy, and you know, it was a very big painful surgery. There were three surgeries to make all of that okay. Um, so one thing that I've learned there is to talk about things, to get things out on the table, to not let things fester at all. So the more that I'm grounded, the more that I'm whole, the more that I embrace all of my quirkiness, um, the more that I step into being a cringy mum, like there there is this lightning when you get to the point of I'm cringy as a mum. Like it's just it's like one of those things that you're like, well, I've done my job here, but it also shows them, especially you know, the 10-year-old, she's like, Oh, I have to be a certain way. I'm like, why? Um, so I just hope that from all of the the tough decisions that I've had to endure, that you know, we can have this space where we get to grow together. They're my two little seedlings, and you know, some days I get it right, and some days there's still things that I'm learning about myself, and I'm really getting really good at if I don't get it right, apologizing to them and apologizing to myself and not being wrapped up in the the mum guilt and the mum shame, but all in all, having breath and having movement and reclaiming all of the parts of me, like physically, spiritually, sensually, because generally when I would get dressed up, it would be look at me, and now it's just like oh, I feel sexy, thank you.
SPEAKER_01I like it. So um, what a beautiful gift you get to give to your daughters per starters. And then um also, do you help women one-on-one, or do you have groups or do you have a program? What does that mean?
SPEAKER_00I do both. So some some women, especially when it comes to the sexuality and the integrated pelvic care, they don't want to do that with other people around. Um, the beautiful thing is that we can do it online, and it, you know, you can be in your own space and you can, and it's not that we go straight for the vulva work uh or the pelvic work. I need to get to know you, you need to get to know me, we need to see where your nervous system is. Because a lot of women have gone, okay, lad back, and you know, hurry up. I'm thinking about you know, that joke of thinking about the the list, or what how how long can we make this hurry up? Um, because I just don't really like you anymore, or I don't this doesn't feel good. Um, because a lot of women haven't been given the space to say, I don't like that, I really just my body doesn't like that. I know you've been doing it that way for the last one year, two years, three years, ten years, but I really don't like that, and bless your partners they get upset when you say I don't like that, and it could be because you've had childbirth or whatever, but they're like their manliness just unless they're ready to hear it, and to if they're an energetic match for you and they want the best for you, they yeah, so it is a process, and we just move into it as slowly or as quickly as your body is real, and we really sit within the client-led nervous system part of it. I do do groups as well, um, but yeah, so everything is all online, which suits me really.
SPEAKER_01So, where can people find you online?
SPEAKER_00So, if you search up Willow Wisdom Woman, you can find me on the socials or Samantha Jane Love, you can find me. I'm on Facebook, Instagram, you can find me on TikTok. Cool.
SPEAKER_01So, and you also have a good vibe goddess toolkit. Can you speak to that?
SPEAKER_00It is jam-packed, so it is something just so that you can, it's sort of like a good vibe bible. I don't like to use the word, but it literally has so much stuff in it, it has different ways of touching the senses because everyone's different, not everyone loves to have a smell of um beautiful things because some for some people the smell of lavender is beautiful, for other people, it's like oh, that's you know, it's really activating me, not in a pleasurable way. Um, there is there's teas, there's how to do things energetically. That's you know, it's it is jam-packed, and I'm sure that you know, someone that would have it will have some questions, and you can find me because I have a page with all of my beautiful contact details in there as well. Um, and sometimes people are really curious about their integrated pay or care, but don't want to broach that question. Believe me, I have heard all of the questions, and nothing is wrong when you're asking how to feel more pleasure in your body, and pleasure within your body is a birthright, it's not something for everybody else because when you are cultivating all of that sexual energy, it actually makes you feel better, it gives you a pep in your step in the best way as well, and you don't have to share that, and especially when we're coming into the change part of our life, we don't need to wither up. I don't like the word crone, I don't know why we use that word. I'm sure that a man has introduced that word, but I like the word, you know, we come into our wisdom, we come into our divine beauty, and let's celebrate that and let's not just wait to die, let's embrace life to the fullest.
SPEAKER_01So, yes, yes, I love that. Um, what beautiful ways and offerings you have to help so many women out there get back in touch with their own bodies, and you know, as you said, start really learning how to be vibrant and shine through getting in touch with their body. I love it. So we are coming to a close. I have one more question. And that is if you could leave the listeners with one bit of wisdom, either anything from your life, anything that pops into your head, what would that be?
SPEAKER_00To listen to your inner wisdom, she's always talking, but sometimes there's too much noise, and just listen to her deep, not to the head part, to really drop down into your heart and into your womb space, even and what she's telling you is the right thing to do, not what everybody else wants.
SPEAKER_01Yes. I love that. Thank you. Thank you for coming and sharing your venerable story and then also the awesome tools that you've cultivated and can help people with.
SPEAKER_00Thank you. It has been a divine, divine pleasure. Um, and please, if anyone has any questions, please reach out because I would love to answer them and yeah, explore with you.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Reach out to her folks if if she resonated with you or you need to work on your womb space, this is the person to hit up. So if you're still with me and you really like this episode and it resonated, maybe a friend needs to hear it, please share. You can find us in the Watch Our Faces over on YouTube where you can like, subscribe, you can comment, and I can have interactions with you. You can leave me five stars on Spotify or Apple iTunes. All of that helps me get my podcast out to more people that might benefit from hearing the conversations that we have here. So thank you for being with me, listeners, and helping me grow and share with you. And as you embrace your humanness, be kind, be you, and remember everything is part of the journey.