Episode 42: Burnout & Reclaiming Your Internal Compass w/Joey Chandler

The Heart of the Episode: 

     This episode steps away from the exhausting chase of trying to build a perfect life based on external standards, and instead dives into a foundational truth: authentic grounding starts from within. Elisha sits down with Joey Chandler to explore how hitting rock bottom and experiencing complete burnout can actually become the ultimate catalyst for self-discovery. The conversation centers on how identifying, defining, and truly owning your unique core values can serve as your internal compass, bringing effortless confidence, energy, and clarity into every area of your human experience.

The Transmission: 

     The dialogue breaks down the simple, powerful mechanics of how aligning with your true self changes your entire daily reality:

• The Gift of Burnout: Reaching a point of having "nothing left" strips away the false personas we try to maintain for the world. When you don't have the energy to be anything else, you are forced to ask the ultimate question: Who am I, and how can I be more of that?
• Values as a Filtering System: Core values aren't just high-minded concepts or corporate buzzwords; they are active, living frequencies. When you explicitly map out what matters most to you, it becomes incredibly easy to filter your decisions, spot red flags, and navigate relationships with absolute certainty.
• Grounded Confidence over Forced Hype: The transmission reveals that true confidence doesn't come from pushing harder or pretending to be someone else. It comes naturally the moment you stop apologizing for your traits and start aggressively owning your unique energetic blueprint.

Invitation From Elisha: 

     “I invite you to stop looking outside of yourself for validation or trying to fit into a mold that was never designed for your spirit. My deepest hope is that you take a conscious pause to look inward, uncover the core values that make you exactly who you are, and begin owning the absolute heck out of them in your business, your family, and your relationships. Let your values be the clean slate from which you build your life.”

Time Stamps:

00:00 Burnout & The Collapse of Persona

01:03 Introducing Guest Joey Chandler

03:15 The Hard Question: Who Am I?

07:42 Unpacking Core Values Definition

11:20 Recognizing Misalignment Signals

15:55 Navigating Relationships via Values

20:40 Rebuilding Confidence From Scratch

24:15 The Danger of External Standards

28:50 Red Flags & Decision Filtering

33:10 Daily Tracking of Inner Energy

37:45 Stripping Away False Blueprint Rules

40:12 Grounded Ownership of Your Self

Links to find guests on the  internet or other resources they provide:

Website: www.certaingrowth.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/joeychandler70

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/joeychandler70/

TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@joeychandler70

Link to Transcript of Show:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/17Ozhp4KTV9hRnzU97F7TfnkxemT1Ft-w/view?usp=sharing

Apply to be on the Show:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdo3jzeiCYLsDQMnfZbar8GlhJOjWGAFLtMlsZI2L8XwZ_IMw/viewform?usp=sharing

Find Elisha Elsewhere on the web:

https://linktr.ee/elishalightangel

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

January of 2022, I burnt out. I was going through a divorce. I was living alone. It was post-COVID. My business was struggling. Like there just was a bunch of stuff. And I woke up one day and I just said, I'm done. I got nothing left. I can't be anything but me. I just don't have the energy. That was and then a couple days later it was when I woke up and I said, Okay, well, if I can only be me, then who am I and how can I be more of that?

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Hello and welcome to That's Just Human, a podcast that explores all aspects of being human, living in a human body, and dealing with life's obstacles. I'm your host, Elisha Light Angel, and by day I'm a massage therapist. Right now I'm a podcaster. And like you, I also happen to live in a human body and I have a plethora of human experiences. And this is the space where I like to chat about not just my own experiences, but other people's experiences, because we all go through similar things. Today, I have the pleasure of getting to introduce you to Joey Chandler. He is the founder of Certain Growth Solutions and the author of the forthcoming book Certainty: How to Create Life's Most Elusive Feeling. And after more than a decade of coaching entrepreneurs and business owners, he developed the 3D printed life, which I love that name by the way, because it's easier and more effective to address multiple areas of life at once than at one time. How true is that? Well, welcome, Joey. Thank you for coming onto this podcast.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

Oh, thank you so much for having me. Really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

Yeah. I'm really excited to hear from you and a little bit about your journey and um really this 3D printed life. Like even how you came up with that. I just it sounds juicy, so I want to hear more.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Um yeah, it's uh yeah, the 3D printed uh life. It's I I'm really excited about it because I uh I've been working with people and I was kind of uh uh I've been a values coach for a while, and I took the traditional way of working with people, which is where we say, okay, how do we improve your business or how do we improve your your finances or your relationship? You know, kind of like the way the metaphor is like one wall at a time. And then I read an article where this guy described said that we are in a polycrisis where we are dealing with stuff political, social, economic, technological relationship. You know, we're dealing with stuff all the time, and especially since COVID, the development of AI, TikTok type of things. We're just dealing with stuff every single moment of every, you know, every single day. We're we're it's it's like, and so the idea of like, I'm just gonna take time to work on my business and set aside the rest of my life, just I don't know if it ever was a reality, but it's certainly not the reality these days. And I saw that and I had that vision of the 3D printed house. Have you seen those? Where they they they they print the whole house, you know, the walls of the house layer by layer, and they go around and around. And it um and my core value work allows for that because core values you can apply to your business, you can apply to your fitness, you can apply it to your relationship, you can apply it to whatever is important to you. And I realize, like, oh, that's the way we should be doing things. Rather than trying to build up one wall at a time and scrambling to get them to work, we should work on every day. And I I I chose the house metaphor, we pick four areas of life, and then we just work on every day. We say, okay, how can like mine are how can I improve my business? How can I improve my romance? How can I improve my um my fitness, and how can I have fun? Those are those are my four. And so every day I wake up and I think of like, okay, how can I do this? And then at the end of the day, I document, like, here, you know, I did this, this, and this in these different areas. And the experience has been I'm so much more grounded. I I wake up and I have this feeling, and it's really hard to describe, but it's awesome. The feeling of like I moved my entire life forward today, even just a little bit, you know. Even even if all I did was check, I check bumble for, you know, for a uh does someone respond to me on on a you know for a dating app. If that's all I did for the romance section, that's something, and I moved it forward, and I know in my head that I moved my whole life forward, and if I can do it today, then I can do it tomorrow, and I can do it the day after that. And it just gives you this really great grounded feeling of confidence and certainty in a very, very uncertain world. That's the other part of it.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

Yeah, I really like that analogy, and then the way you put it, how it is like layering up all the different areas because we are an entirely encompassed being, and to say I'm gonna compartmentalize each section of my life is just not practical. And it doesn't happen. The other thing I've noticed in my own life is if I start to make a change, um, and this has been say most prevalent, and I decide to start working out, then it begins while my focus is on health or my body, it actually bleeds into all of those other areas and impacts them in positive ways that I would have never imagined when I started the journey. And I think we can do that with a lot of different elements in life where we start one thing in an area and it actually improves all of these other areas or builds those walls.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

Yeah, absolutely. It's it's 100% true. And when you're and when you're intentional, when you have some intentionality with like four areas, those that those lessons learned that you apply from one area to another, they they come from all sorts of places. All of a sudden, like honestly, I I was I realized like I have a very clear dating app. Like I know exactly that, you know, like and I'm like, wow, I should be that clear in my business, you know, like who I want to work with. I should kind of have a dating app profile for you know for my ideal client. And um, and then and then then I'm like, oh, well, what does that really mean for my fun? And like it just when you have a little bit of intentionality, kind of in a structure, it those ideas that you're talking about, those lessons learned, they bounce back and forth all over the place. And it just gives you the sense of like, oh, I'm moving everything forward.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

Yeah, I absolutely like that. So how did you like tell me a little bit about your backstory and your journey and that led you to this process of being able to do this now?

SPEAKER_01 6:37

Yeah, yeah. It's um so it really came down to a question of what I asked myself, um, who am I and how can I be more of that? And the where that started was in January of 2022, I burnt out. I was going through a divorce, I was living alone, it was post-COVID, my business was struggling. Like there just was a bunch of stuff. And I woke up one day and I just said, I'm done. I got nothing left, I can't be anything but me. I just don't have the energy. That was and then a couple days later, it was when I woke up and I said, Okay, well, if I can only be me, then who am I and how can I be more of that? And that question led me into looking at core values. Um, at the time I had five core values, and a friend of mine told me a story about how Navy SEALs put everything in sets of three, and um, because it's just easier to remember when you're getting shot at is kind of the real basic principle. Like, and at the time I was you know, I don't know if you ever burnt out, but when you burnt out, like you just have nothing, like you just you just have nothing. And I just was like, sounds easier, I'll do it. Like that was it. There was no deep thought transformation, anything. And then from that day, I could wake up and say, Okay, how can I bring a little connection, a little curiosity and courage? Those were my values at the time. Courage has morphed into fun for me. So now my values are connection, curiosity, and fun. But it started that I just would wake up, and then and when you're burnt, you know, you have no energy. So at first it was like, I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna get a glass of water, I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I'm gonna get back into bed. That was as courageous as I could be on certain days. But that baby step led to more baby steps, and I because I was reinforcing my values, it kind of laid the foundation, you know, layer by layer. This I didn't know this at the time, but it was basically layer by layer. And eventually uh within a couple months, I uh recovered from burnout. And what was interesting was that I didn't um I didn't have any, I didn't do anything like yoga or meditation or journaling or any kind of the traditional anti-burnout routines. I just focused on being more of me. And that made me realize that being anything other than yourself is just simply exhausting. Like it's just it just takes so much work, especially now with like inside of all this the poly crisis, right? There's so much stuff.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

So would you say that you were trying to be not you or who you thought you were supposed to be pri like leading up to this burnout?

SPEAKER_01 9:01

Um I I think I was making it too complicated ultimately. Like I was, I I I had some idea of who I was, and rather than like getting more grounded in that, I was like adding layers on top of things. I but you know, I'd I'd work on my marketing, I'd work on this, and I'd try to be um uh like in my relationship, I was trying to do all these different things rather than saying like what is it that I really want. And and um and I this is one of those things like I don't know if I could have come to this without going through the burnout. Uh so I don't I I just think in retrospect, I just I lacked um I lacked three things really. I lacked clarity about who I was, like really like grounded. I wasn't confident in myself and my ability to take actions that aligned with those values, and then I just didn't have the conviction to be myself, to stand up, say no, I'm gonna be me rather than you know, whatever this is. And um, you know, like I was going through the divorce, and and uh I was the traditional guy where I, you know, I fought, you know, I was like, I'm gonna try to get her back and you know, all that kind of stuff. But at a certain point, I just kind of accepted, like, wait a minute. I wasn't happy either in the relationship, you know, like we were both unhappy. She was the one that and I said, you know what, we're getting divorced. Took a deep breath, and I said, I and then so then I filed the paperwork. I said, I'm gonna do, I'm gonna take some agency in that. And that was just like a um, that was uh a step for me kind of being like curious, like, okay, how if this is happening, how can I be me in this? And I'm someone that would file, I would be someone who file the paperwork. That's when I realized, even though I didn't want to, even though I was like, this sucks, but I'm gonna do that. And and that and like those little steps like that just gave me the foundation to to just keep moving forward and and be be more of me. I and it's it's actually a good question, like since that day when I started saying, How can I bring my values to I have spent uh I asked that question multiple times every day. And so now I just have a far deeper understanding of what my values mean to me, what it feels like in our body. You know, you're you're a your masseuse body work, right? So you know somatic awareness, you know when when things are like really good and when they're really not. And my guess is for many, for many years, I had some somatic awareness that was saying things are not working, and I was just trying to push them down. And that is, you know, you're fighting against your body, that's exhausting. It's gonna lead to burnout. It's gonna lead to something. For me, it led to burnout.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

Yeah, it will lead to something. A lot of could be burnout, could be some kind of um dis-ease in the body that presents itself as a physical ailment. And and then we do, I think our society kind of pushes us to be so busy all the time. To we get these ideas in our head, whether it's from family, society at large, or um medium, that we need to be some kind of a version of ourselves that is unrealistic, doesn't actually align with our values. Or we're just we're just trying to think we're trying to be something that we think we should be and not who we actually are. So I would say my highest value is authenticity. And uh I don't see it in a lot of people, so it's very refreshing to come across people that are just being who they are, and that means in the positive moments and those sloppy, messy moments, like because we encompass all of it.

SPEAKER_01 12:45

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just being just being clear, and and I will say getting your values down to three is really helpful. Like it's just because mostly because when you're in you when you're in those in those sloppy moments, that's when you need your values the most as the foundation. And if you have five or seven or ten, it just takes more work. And and in those moments, you don't have the energy, you really don't. So when you can get them down to three, it's not that you don't have more than three values, but when you have three that are really strong, they just become a more effective tool for doing things.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

Yeah. So how do you use the values and like help other people?

SPEAKER_01 13:23

Yeah. So um I'll just continue the story. So after I got done with the values, I uh when I recovered from burnout, I kind of like went hog wild. I was like, values, values, values. Like I was all over the place. Like and um uh and but I started to realize that I wasn't producing the results for myself and for my clients that I knew was possible. Like I recovered from burnout without help post-COVID, like, and I just don't know that many people that did that. Like I haven't heard that many stories. Um, especially only took a little bit of you know, a couple of months, didn't have to quit my job. Like, there was I was like, this is cool, there's something here. And I went to work, but I realized that there's a um after a few months, I realized that there's a difference between who we are and how we operate. You who we are is our values, how we apply them to our life is how we operate, is is is our and that gives us confidence. And I sat down and and I realized that what really made the difference wasn't so much my values. I mean, they were helpful, but it was me asking every day, how can I bring my values to my day? That was that was how I was operating. And so I I went to work and I developed a system, I call it the refinement engine, and it's it's six questions. And I asked, this is literally my coaching calls, like this is almost 100%. We always start with what can you celebrate about yesterday? Because that triggers dopamine in the brain and gives you like a little energy boost. Then we say, What are your um what did you learn from that? And that triggers growth mindset, gets you kind of again, opens up the mind. And then we say, What is your goal? And this goal could be business, it could be relationship, it could be, you know, whatever your goal is today. And then the big one is what what is the fear that comes up immediately when you think of that goal? Because anytime you set a goal, especially a meaningful goal, some some fear, I'm not good enough, I don't have what it takes. One of those, right? Those those are mine. I'm guessing you might have um are going to come up. And I don't do, I'm not a therapist, I don't know, I don't do any like where did those thoughts come from, or you know, tell me about your mother, yeah. You know, I don't do any of that type type of stuff. We just acknowledge them. You know, this is what that's what's there. And then that that basically allows us to put them aside, and then we can ask, what do your values say to do? And all my clients we get we get down to three values, and they'll you know, they'll explore different ideas, and then we say, okay, of that, which one of which one can you do, or which one or two can you do today? And when you pick when you choose something that you know you can do today, that gives you clarity, that gives you confidence, that gives you conviction. And so the whole those six questions are actually energy positive. You you can come into that like completely drained, no energy, hating life, and you will end up in a more clear, confident, and convicted state, or you know, not convicted, state of state of conviction, and you'll have more energy, and you'll have the energy to go do whatever it is that you said you're gonna do. And the cool part is as soon as you take that action, you have something to celebrate the next day. Yeah, the whole thing rotates.

SPEAKER_00 16:29

I like this spin on it because um I have experienced burnout and had to bounce back. It was uh it took a lot longer than two months for me. It went, it was more like three years, and so at the same time, you're still having to live your life. You can't stop working and just wander off to the forest and forest bait. I mean, it sounds nice and fantasy, but it's not, it's not practical, it's not real. And um, so for me, it was getting partnered with somebody who was supportive for me, which allowed me to soften and settle in other areas of my life, and then just kind of slowly feel as though some of my energy and things that had been drained out of me were coming back, and then feeling like I had more of me to interact with other people and do things that I want in the world. Um but I do have values, I've just never thought to use them in this way, and I like kind of going through, you know, what can I celebrate about yesterday? That's almost like a gratitude practice, but slightly different.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Yeah, it's it's a little bit it's a little bit different. Um, so for me, grratitude is um, or I'll say this celebration creates more ownership. I can be grateful for the beautiful blue sky, the mountains that I'm looking out at. Like that's uh I I live I live in Reno, and so there's you know, I can see the mountains. So I can be grateful for any of that, but that has nothing to do, I didn't do anything to cause any of that. But when you celebrate, like I made a phone call, or tomorrow I'll be able to celebrate that I was on this podcast, I had some some intentionality in that. I made I played a role in making that thing happen, and so that creates ownership or what um uh people in positive psychology call self-efficacy, a sense of like I can do it-ness. And so so gratitude is awesome. Like, I'm all for gratitude practices, but it is slightly different. And inside of this world of trying to help people make greater use of their values, at some point you're gonna have to say, I can do this. And that's why we use a celebration practice rather than a gratitude practice.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

So, do you just name the celebration or do you have people do like a little yippee happy dance? Or I don't know what what constitutes celebrating?

SPEAKER_01 18:56

It's it's really just acknowledgement. It's not you don't have to, because again, I I was coming from the spot of like, how can I do this when I was burnt out? And if you can imagine, like when you were burnt out, if I came in and said, Okay, I want you to do a happy dance and celebrate yesterday, you you would have been like, Mother, you know, and so and now but now like it if it comes up naturally, you know, if you if you're like I can't, like I had a um uh I had a guy, I have a client who's who's uh um is his dad who's gone through a divorce, and and he's like, I went bowling this week with a guy friend. I called up a guy friend and we went bowling, and that and he was so excited about that because that was the first time that he had you know done something just for fun and friendship. Uh because he you know he had got divorced and business and all the stuff, but this time he's like, I went bowling, and he was so excited, and we talked about it for a while. Uh, so sometimes it comes up naturally, but other times, like um, I did stand-up comedy for a couple uh months last year, and uh turns out I'm not real funny, but I tried. And the first time that I bombed horribly, like I just crawled into bed. Like, if you've ever done stand-up, when you bomb, it's it's awful, and like you you crawl into bed and there was nothing left. And and I got up the next morning, and I had I'm like, I I got nothing to celebrate. And I'm like, okay, I got up. I I I tried. What did I learn? Bombing sucks, you know. Like, and I went through the process, and so and the reason in the in the um um each one of those those six questions are actually scientifically backed. Uh celebrate, like each one does something, but what I did that's different, it's the order of which. Because when you can celebrate anything, it gives you just a little tiny boost, and then you're like, what can you learn from it? It gives a little bit of space, and then you can say, My goal, you know, like stand up, my goal was like, okay, well, I want to do this again. Let me, you know, what are my fears? Well, I'm not funny, I really suck at this. What are my values of you know, uh, connection, curiosity, and and fun say to do? Well, I can get curious about the next one, and I can go try to do it. And and I did it for a few more months, but that recovery from the burnout or from the um the bombing was really informative because some days you're gonna wake up, you're not gonna be your your celebration's not gonna be a happy dance. It's gonna be. I didn't I have another client who's like, I didn't kill anybody yesterday, and so I'm gonna celebrate that because I really, really wanted to, you know, because we have those days, those are real days.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

Yeah, I I can um definitely relate, and I've heard lots of people, you know, have those days. Like, I didn't do this terrible thing, and I'm glad that I made it this far. I'm not in jail.

SPEAKER_01 21:54

You know, and that's like, you know, like you know, if you're a parent, my kid is still alive. Is it is has To be something you celebrated on certain days.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

Yes. Absolutely. No, I really like that take. Um because I I think um I can be more positively minded, or I'm I'm the person that you can call up and I will find you a silver lining in your cloud all the time. I'm really good at that. And so I'm always kind of looking for that positive spin. My brain just works that way. But I am surrounded by more people who are a little more melancholic or nihilistic, and I understand that's an entire viewpoint on life, and it's valid. Um but you're right, sometimes we're just making it through. And so celebrating the fact that we made it through the day, and maybe now you get to lay in bed, whatever that is.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

Yeah. Yeah, I had I had uh was it it wasn't this last last week or maybe a couple weeks, I think it was a couple weekend ago, I just had a day where I woke up, I woke up and I'm like, I just need to watch Netflix today. Like I just like it was so funny because at first I was kind of like, no, I gotta get, you know, I really kind of resisted it. But because I had been doing actually the the 3D printed life approach, I had and I had proof that I had been working on multiple areas of my life at and I knew that, and I knew that I was gonna do it again, that just gave me the confidence and to just surrender to watching it was narcos Mexico, like I just had to watch this, and it was like all this time, and it was uh but that ability to just surrender, sometimes your body's like, look, we gotta take a break. And it's so hard to do that sometimes. But when you have a foundation of your values and you know that you've been working on them and you know, intentionally, you've been doing the work, it just gives you the space to, you know what? I'm doing whatever your version of Narcos Mexico is.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

I think I think I only had two values, and I've been thinking while you're talking, like, what would a third value be? And I I think it should be fun. Yeah, my third value should be fun. And um because I really relate to what you said. I am a creative person, I have ideas hit me all the time, so I want to just get it all out there and I book up my schedule. You know, I've got my work, I do theater at night, I do this podcast, I'm taking a class, like I just pile stuff on my plate. I'm like, yeah, I'm superhuman, I got this. And then I find myself asking, why did I schedule all this stuff when I just want a free-flowing day to either do nothing or go out and do um something that's kind of meaningless, like just for fun, and it doesn't, it's not productive. I have a tendency to want to constantly be productive. And there's an air of fun to that, but it's also recognizing don't burn myself out.

SPEAKER_01 25:03

And so you said your values were authenticity, fun, and was the creativity? Was that no?

SPEAKER_00 25:08

Um, I would say on authenticity and honesty, they kind of go hand in hand in my mind. And say love and kindness, like I really do when in all the actions that I'm doing, I ask myself, am I approaching this in from a place of love, or is this from a place of my ego or another another emotion? And I am very, very big on that. And then I would say fun. I really think that we should be having fun in life. And I can take it too serious, so having to remind my own self that to lighten up a little bit and just have fun.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

Yeah, yeah. Do you do you mind if I go into a little bit of coaching mode just to yes, just to just to um because I'm like looking at your cat and your pink and you know, all that stuff. And the fact that you do a podcast and you do theater, um, I'm guessing creativity has to be part part of who you are.

SPEAKER_00 26:00

Um, I think it's just there. I never think of myself as a creative person, but other people do, and I know I have creativity.

SPEAKER_01 26:07

Okay. But it's not so then is that because here's uh I'll let me go back. So you're about love. You're about people love their life. Is that is that fair?

SPEAKER_00 26:16

Um I I'm very about love, like just living and being from a place of love.

SPEAKER_01 26:24

Right. So love is is what I call is one of our five core words. It's uh uh love, joy, happiness, excitement, and freedom. Like when you really like people are like generally in one of those five areas, like that's who they are. But those words are very big and broad and mean different things to different people and aren't like tactical on a day-to-day. So for you, what does love like what does love mean to you? You said authenticity, you said fun. What would be the third thing that love is for you?

SPEAKER_00 26:52

Um I think that kindness element, that ability to look at somebody else and just offer them whether it's a smile, a kind word, or not saying something mean, even if you have something that comes across your mind, just keep it to yourself, like just be kind. Because you don't know where somebody else is or what they're going through in their mind. And um and so I I yeah, that kindness aspect.

SPEAKER_01 27:22

Okay, awesome. So um and and would you prefer authenticity or honesty? Which one of those land for you better?

SPEAKER_00 27:30

I think authenticity.

SPEAKER_01 27:32

Okay. So authenticity, kindness, and fun. That's who you are. Is that land about right?

SPEAKER_02 27:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:39

So here and here's here's where it gets fun. How is being a ms uh uh uh a body worker, a masseuse, how is that an expression of authenticity, kindness, and fun?

SPEAKER_00 27:48

Um, I'm a giver. And so for me, when I am giving to another person, so in body work, like it's very nurturing. Like I have this motherly essence that comes out, and I feel like I receive this etheric energy when I'm giving to other people. It it is a it is a reciprocal thing for me to be in that space giving. So I'm authentically pouring from my heart and being present with the person and then they feel good, and I feel good, they feel good. And so it feeds my soul in a way, even though it is work.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

Yeah, yeah, and it's fun. That part's fun, right? Like that back and forth is fun for you.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

Yeah, yeah. And you know, clients like they got stories and lives, and so when you have somebody that sees you regularly, they become like a friend, and you look forward to getting to update each other on what's happened in the past couple of weeks with you.

SPEAKER_01 28:53

Yeah. And then how is being a uh uh an actor or an actress, how's that part of authenticity community?

SPEAKER_00 29:00

This is like my first love passion in life, and I had to give it up for um about 20 years when I had my son because you act for free, and um, I found myself as a single mom shortly after. So there was no free acting happening at all. And now I find myself in a place where there's this community theater that I've tapped into, and it's just it's just juicy to like step into this character to become this other person that's completely nothing like me at all. And um and seeing then if I can have the audience believe me as this character. It's it's fun to do the rehearsals and to interact with the people. So there's this social aspect to it, and then you create the community, such as community theater. So it really is um people that love the theater arts, like we're all volunteering our time copiously because we love it.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

Because we love it, yeah, yeah. Ryan, um, Ryan Gosling, I don't know if you've ever heard this, but Ryan Gosling talks about how acting for him is kind of like um equalizer or uh having an equalizer in music where he's like he's like, this is who I am, and what I do for my characters, I find out where I can turn parts of myself up or parts of myself down to fit the character. And I'm gonna guess that when you act, when you're doing really well really well, you're turning different parts of authenticity up or down, different parts of kindness up or down, and different parts of having fun up or down.

unknown 30:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

And that that allows you to find your place in that, you know, whatever particular role you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 30:41

Yeah, it definitely has to come from an element of us because we are wedding ourselves to this character and um tapping into that emotion. Like the character I'm working on right now, she's gets in a fight with her husband and she's like yelling at people. And at this point in life, I used to yell, and I have worked very hard on not being a yeller because I realized that is not a loving way to communicate to anybody, especially the people that we love the most. And that's who would usually be the brunt of an explosive yell. Um, but here I get to just like I mean, full volume, full sand yelling, like and uh it's just kind of fun because it's not my everyday being this or talking to anybody in any way. My character's kind of rough. So again, just like a different element of life.

SPEAKER_01 31:40

Well, I'm wondering like what is fun for her because she must not be having fun, and that's why she's so angry.

SPEAKER_00 31:46

I don't think that she's having fun. This play is set in 1947, and um, you know, shortly after World War II, women are oppressed, her husband's a cheater and a little abusive. Like you just back then, women just had to stay married in these relationships they weren't happy with. And so yeah, I don't think that she was having it's so that she couldn't really be authentic, or she could in some places, but not in a lot of places, right?

SPEAKER_01 32:14

Yeah, and she probably didn't feel like she could actually be kind because she was so operating on top of all that stuff. So so you could play, you could totally play with all that. Sorry, I I went into coaching mode there. I um I like it, I like it.

SPEAKER_00 32:28

You give me more ideas to deepen my character work.

SPEAKER_01 32:31

Yeah, I love I love working with like artistic and creative, uh creative people because we can really, really start to just explore, like you start to ask, like, okay, this is what fun means to me, then you could start to say, What does fun mean to this person? And and you could you you you you have a way of connecting with that person, and uh that's authentic and real, you're not just making stuff up, and then you and you could play with it, you'd be like, Wow, like yeah, it would suck like it would not be a lot of fun, like how or how did she have fun inside of all that, all of that? Where where did she have fun? And anyway, you could go, yeah, I get all excited.

SPEAKER_00 33:10

I like it, I like it. Now, now thinking more. Yeah, but but we won't go into all that and bore my audience with the details of character analysis. Oh so when you get people coming to you now, um are they are most of your people in a state of burnout and kind of looking, or what are their issues that they're looking to solve?

SPEAKER_01 33:39

Yeah, usually um they're they're usually in one or two places. One they're in a state of overwhelm. I wouldn't say anyone's ever like burnt out, because when you're burnt out, it's really hard, like you can't even think straight. Like it's hiring a coach when you're burnt out is almost impossible because you're not gonna do anything that the coach says to do. You're you're just gonna do your own thing. So I at that point, there they don't come to me, but they are in a state of overwhelm. And this overwhelm could be because um uh like I have one client who is uh he's actually he just started doing stand-up comedy, uh funny enough, and he got a new job, and he uh he's he's getting paid to do stand-up comedy now, and so there's just all this stuff going on, and he's like this is all good, but I'm all over the place. Like, what can we do? And so we, you know, we got uh we're getting clear on his values, and and we're working on building up his house. So he's not necessarily burnt out, he's not overwhelmed in like a bad way, but he is in that sense of like, I you know, I got too much going on. Um, and uh, but um living true to your values takes something. To wake up every day and say, hey, how can I use my values? It takes a little bit. So you have to be, and it's it it involves letting go of your ego quite a bit because you're just saying, like, who how you know how can I bring more of myself to the situation? And so it really helps to either one be in a spot where you're just coachable, and where I find the people that are most coachable are people that are either overwhelmed and they really want to get out of the situation, or the other people are like people that are doing extremely well and they just want a new experience. They're like, I'm doing great, like what's what's something new that I can do? And so I'm like, hey, I I'll I'll basically kind of challenge you and and and and push you to to live more true to your values, and I don't know what's gonna happen, but we'll find out. And I had uh um, I had one client who um his values were love, harmony, and fun. And he ended up um completely, you know, he was doing really well, he's super fit, and all you know, he's but he ended up, he's like, you know what? We would have my wife and I would have more love, harmony, and fun if we actually worked together. And so they started, they merged their business. Turns out they had synergistic businesses, they merged their business, and while there was an initial drop, they're now coming back up, they're doing way more on business, they're spending more time together, they're laughing more, like there's there's just all this stuff. And he didn't come to me because anything was really wrong with him. He just was like, I kind of like the way you're talking. Let me give this a try. And so um uh you just have to be open to uh exploring your life in kind of a different way. And I find the people that are best for that either you're you're you're really stuck and like get out of it, or you're doing really well, and you're like, you know what, I want to try something new.

SPEAKER_00 36:32

I like it. Yeah, that's really cool. It sounds like um people from all sorts of walks of life and getting into this work just narrows things down even better for them.

SPEAKER_01 36:48

Yeah, that's really cool. Yeah, and and all of it is the the fun part for me, like the my value, my fun is seeing someone come up with their new their own ideas, coming up with like, oh, like um, like the guy who's the the stand-up comedy uh comedic, one of his things was self-care. And and we we just started we just started working together past couple weeks. So we um he's like, you know what? I'm gonna take my dog for a walk. And he's and he's like, I can do that. And like it was just this, you know, like he's like this idea. And I had another guy who um he his his thing was fitness and he again self-care too. And he's like, Man, I just don't have time. And and one of his um one of his values was creativity, and so like, okay, how can we bring a little creativity to your to your health, your to your fitness? And he laughed because he's like, you know, I am standing looking at a um treadmill. He had a treadmill in his office. He's like, I am looking at a treadmill. I could I could be doing this call on a treadmill. And I'm like, yeah. So we started doing walking, so we started doing walking, walking talks. He would be on his treadmill, I'd go for a walk, and we would talk. But it's just fun because like I could never coach him. Like, I'm never gonna be like, Do you have a treadmill in your office? You know, I could never do that. But he came up with his own idea, and and this is one of the best parts about core value work is the ideas that you come up with land true to you, and then they mean something, then they're real. You know, it's not like you know, oh, I tried this guy's idea out and I did it. But he's like, no, I I came up with the I came up with the idea, and and I think that's really rewarding in a way that I haven't seen in a lot of other coaching kind of scenarios.

SPEAKER_00 38:26

Yeah, I would say I feel like coaching can be kind of a buzzword in our society at this point because so many people have that. But um, as I talk to you more, I'm sitting here thinking how coaching is really getting somebody who has a different perspective to help pull your perspectives out and get you thinking like into a better place. Um just thinking about how people might conceptualize coaching. Like, why would I even want to coach? Or this is something just fancy people do, but I don't think it is something that you do when you're just trying to be fancy or get a step ahead or whatever connotations.

SPEAKER_01 39:11

Yeah, I love that fancy people, yeah. Yeah, it's um it's an interesting because there's a lot of there's a lot of people that that are are coaches, and um there's but there is a problem in the coaching industry if we if we're gonna admit it. Like we've had coaching now for 30 years, pretty, you know, 30, maybe 40 years. I mean, there's like whole generations of people that have grown up with coaching being a part of you know the zeitgeist. And we still have record numbers of loneliness. Um, you know, we have tech, you know, the AI despair right now is going on. There's burnout. There's a lot of problems. So there's something in the coaching world that's not working. There's something that is that needs to be addressed. And personally, I think it's because um the value work isn't strong enough. The value work is too intellectual. Like we lots of people have gone to um corporate workshops and they're like, we come with their values, and they you know they get get get given a list of a hundred words and they pick 10 and then they get them down to five or you know, whatever that is. Um, but it's it's intellectual, it doesn't land in their heart and their guts, and and people aren't asking them, hey, your values are um you know, authenticity, fun, and kindness. Like, how can you bring that to whatever situation you're in? How can you use those values? We're trying to tell them something new rather than strengthening our values. And and so this is this is my little TED talk, but if it's um I think the more that people understand their values, the more we're gonna be have the clarity, the confidence, the energy, the conviction to take on these big challenges that we have the the loneliness, the politics, you know, social disagreements, all that kind of stuff. Um, it takes something. And so uh I I think a lot of people you lots of people should have coaches. I mean, I I have a coach, and you need somebody to help you talk through stuff, but you want someone that's gonna help you be more of you rather than trying to tell you what to do.

SPEAKER_00 41:15

I like that. I like that. Yeah. So if people wanted to find you and work with you, where could they find you on the internet?

SPEAKER_01 41:26

Yeah, I'm at uh certaingrowth.com and um you can contact me there, all the information's there. And I'm at at Joey Chandler70 across uh all I'm I'm mostly on LinkedIn and TikTok and Facebook.

SPEAKER_00 41:41

So Okay, yeah, awesome. I'll also put links into the show notes and description. So if you are listening and you want to go have an easy clickable link, that's how you can do it. And I have one last question for you as we wrap up.

SPEAKER_02 41:57

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 41:57

If you have one bit of wisdom or advice that you could leave the listeners with, what would that be?

SPEAKER_01 42:04

Yeah. Figure out your core values and just own the shit out of them. Sorry, sorry. That's the um, yeah, like there. I I the more I do this, there everyone has core values. They're all there. And you know, where they come from, I I don't I don't know, but I know we all have them. And the more that you can own them and apply them to um your dating life, apply them to your business, apply them to your family, apply them to whatever, the more grounded you'll be, the more energized you'll be, the more confident, the more excited, the more all the good stuff you'd be, and it will come from you being more of you in those situations. So my advice is figure out your values and just own the heck out of them.

SPEAKER_00 42:45

I love it. Well, thank you so much for coming on the podcast, showing, sharing a piece of you and what you do and how you help other people improve their lives. I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 42:56

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 42:57

You're welcome. For those out there, you can help my show by sharing. If you think somebody needs to hear this, you can leave five-star reviews for me on Apple, iTunes, Spotify. You can also head over to YouTube and see our faces if you're just listening. And you can give a like, uh, a comment, subscribe to my channel. All of this helps the algorithm and getting my podcast out there to more people that might like to hear some of the amazing stories and messages that I share. As you embrace your humanness, be kind, be you, and remember everything is part of the journey.