Episode 43: Breaking the Survival Loop w/Reah Hagues

The Heart of the Episode: 

          This episode uncovers the gritty, beautiful reality of shifting from survival-mode chaos into a life of deep purpose and intentional peace. Elisha is joined by successful author and relationship trauma expert Reah Hughes, who shares her powerful story of becoming a mother at age fifteen, enduring severe poverty, and eventually transforming her obstacles into a roadmap for healing. The conversation deeply explores how we can dismantle the false need to always be productive, rewrite the timelines society hands us, and learn that sometimes doing absolutely nothing is the highest form of self-preservation.

The Transmission: 

          The dialogue dives into how past trauma and neurodivergence can wrap us up in habits that simulate safety, and how to safely unravel them:

• The Superhero Trait of Chaos: When you spend your formative years navigating high-stakes survival, an ADHD brain or trauma-response system learns to thrive exclusively inside of chaos. Dropping the multiple "spinning plates" becomes terrifying because quiet feels safe, but your nervous system registers stillness as a threat.
• The Trap of Forced Timelines: Society imposes artificial deadlines on when we must achieve education, careers, or relationships. True liberation comes from honoring your own unique energetic sequence—whether that means starting college at thirty, getting degrees in your mid-thirties, or uncovering your true identity at forty.
• Redefinin Productivity as Mental Rest: For those conditioned to constantly produce to prove their worth, resting feels like failure. The transmission reveals that true self-care is learning to sit in stillness, play, or watch a movie without a goal, realizing that giving your brain permission to stop moving is a crucial pillar of health.

Invitation From Elisha: 

          “I invite you to step away from the self-imposed pressure of keeping every single plate spinning out of fear or habit. My deepest hope is that you grant yourself absolute permission to break the timeline rules, intentionally schedule time to do nothing productive, and honor the beautiful, versatile rhythm of your own human journey.”

Time Stamps:

00:00 Reclaiming Identity at Forty

01:22 Introducing Guest Reah Hagues

03:11 The Realities of Teenage Motherhood

04:34 Alternative Education & Parenting Support

07:21 Emotional Stunting & Growth Setbacks

08:28 The Bridge Generation Shift

09:39 Shifting the Traditional Marriage Blueprint

11:00 Restarting Life & Late College Timelines

12:38 Deconstructing the "Raised to be a Wife" Mindset

15:36 Navigating Chaos with an ADHD Brain

19:27 Dropping Addictions & Spinning Plates

22:24 Transitioning via Therapy and Writing

23:39 Learning the Productive Power of Stillness

25:52 Scheduling Self-Imposed Responsibilities

Links to find guests on the  internet or other resources they provide:

Website: https://www.Falolity.net - Check out the Freebies Tab

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@reahhagues?lang=en

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/justthewhopodcast/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FalolityLLC/

Link to Transcript of Show:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/18p8UWlvWrdGztZ4wakl6U_uCNezwu-G-/view?usp=sharing

Apply to be on the Show:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdo3jzeiCYLsDQMnfZbar8GlhJOjWGAFLtMlsZI2L8XwZ_IMw/viewform?usp=sharing

Find Elisha Elsewhere on the web:

https://linktr.ee/elishalightangel

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

So I had my first son. I gave birth to him about a month after I turned 15. I had my second child at 18. So I had two as a teenager. So I actually didn't go to college until I was about 30. When you've taken the time to kind of learn yourself and figure yourself out, and you have the right support system in place to help you do that. It's completely possible and fun to be who you are when you turn 40.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

Hello and welcome to That's Just Human, a podcast that explores all aspects of being human, living in a human body, and dealing with life's obstacles. I'm your host, Elisha Light Angel. By day I'm a massage therapist. Right now I'm a podcaster, but like you, I happen to live in a human body and I have a plethora of human experiences. And this is my space to talk about them and get to hear about other people's human experiences as well. And if you are listening and you would like to see our beautiful faces, you can head over to YouTube and see what we look like or just listen, whatever floats your boat. Today I have a really awesome guest, and her name is Rhea. She is a wife and a mom of five beautiful little children from North Carolina. She holds different degrees from Grand Canyon University, and she has blossomed throughout her life from becoming from starting as a single teenage mother in poverty and now is a successful entrepreneur and a writer. And she helps people with relationship trauma and the end result is always a repaired perspective. So she has books out, she's got all sorts of things. We're going to hear her story and learn more about um how she's turned her life around and then uses it to help others, which I think we all can do at some point. So please welcome Rhea. Thank you for being on the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

Thank you for having me and boost my ego. Why don't you, by the way?

SPEAKER_01 2:19

I'm here for it. I like to be ego.

SPEAKER_00 2:22

That was a beautiful intro. Thank you. I'm happy to be here. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

I'm so glad that you volunteered to come on my show. We met um, well, sort of met in a Facebook group where I was looking for guests, and Raya reached out to me and I was like, yes. Sound like you got a great story. Let's go. Um, five kids is, in my opinion, a lot because I only have one. Um was a lot of work, so I five is like five times more work.

SPEAKER_00 2:57

I guess.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

Um let's start, let's start at the beginning. And what is it like like being a teenage mother? And like what age did that happen for you?

SPEAKER_00 3:12

So I had my first son. I gave birth to him about a month after I turned 15. So I got pregnant with him at 14. Um, yeah, had him right after I turned 15. Um, I started working my first job uh right after I had him. Um I was trying to start working, I was pregnant, but they were like, well, you know, you're kind of pregnant and you're gonna have to be out, so we're gonna wait. But um so yeah, um, I had my first one and then uh I had my second child at 18. So I had two as a teenager, and um thank God for my mom, because I think if I had to do it completely uh on my own, and I know people do, uh you know, I've heard of people being you know kicked out of the house or whatever the case may be because they got pregnant as a teenager, and thank God, thank my mother, that that didn't happen. Um my mom was really she almost stepped up like the second parent, um, almost pretty much, you know, because at 15 you kinda kinda have to, I guess, you know, either that or kick the person out.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

So how did school work at this point? Did you have to drop out? Did you keep going?

SPEAKER_00 4:34

No, so I actually kept going. So, and I don't even know if it exists now, but in Charlotte, North Carolina, there's a school um called TAPS um and something for pregnant teenagers. I don't remember the TA, but it was um like there was a two-level school. So one level was for was like kind of an alternative school for kids who got in a lot of trouble, and then the other level was for pregnant teenagers, and so I was able to I started ninth grade in public middle school, I finished ninth grade in TAPS, where I, you know, they also gave you education on parenting, child care, and things like that. You could bring your baby to school with you. Um, yeah, it it was really, really a blessing because I don't know how public school would have gone, you know, um my with having to miss that much time. Um, even if you're doing work at home, then I have to leave my newborn with someone else. And, you know, so it was uh it could have gone a lot differently, but luckily I had this option um to go to kind of alternative school to finish my pregnancy and finish ninth grade, and then I went back to public school. Uh with my with my daughter at 18, I was graduating and the whole I didn't have her until like a month or so after I graduated, so I didn't have to do anything different there.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

Wow. I guess I've always been curious because I went to school and I didn't have a baby till 25, but there were definitely other moms, and I was in Dallas, Texas, going to school. So we actually had a similar kind of program. Uh there was some school, there was one bus that would take everybody to that school, but it was also the same bus that took me to my different school because I went to um a magnet school, which was like a whole other thing. But they had this alternative school and it did the same thing. And there was for the students who were in trouble for one reason or having a hard time in life, we'll just say that.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:51

And um, because life is hard, and if you have parents that don't have it together, then it makes it a lot more tough, especially if you're trying to learn the world.

unknown 7:02

Right.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

And there would be pregnant moms and then they'd disappear from school for a while and then they would come back. And uh having a supportive mom, I think is a real blessing because, like you said, a lot of young teenage parents don't always have the family support.

SPEAKER_00 7:21

Yes, yeah, and you know, that's one of the things that kind of holds can hold women back from being successful, not having the right support, because not only does it kind of stunt your growth, um, not having a support system at as for anyone as a child growing up that can stunt your growth, your emotional growth. When your emotional growth is stunted and you're trying to be a parent, that really kind of sets things back because now you have to learn your own emotions and you know manage someone else's. So it it not having that support can really, really be a huge setback. And I know other girls who got pregnant in high school, um, there were two that kind of like had this like sexual competition going, like yeah, it was weird. Yeah, yeah. It was Charlotte, you know, back in the 90s or late late 90s, so you know, I don't know. I don't know if that like explains it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:27

Sounds like you're maybe five years younger than me or so. If you're like late 90s there, and I'm like, that's like early 90s, but there wasn't sex education. There wasn't I don't know that there's a lot now, but there wasn't um a lot of just helping kids come into the world and being a certain way. So it's almost like the traditional way of life is still ingrained in our parents or grandparents' mental thinking, but the what we got in our generation was much more open and different than the traditional way. So we have this, I say uh we'll call this the bridge generation as millennials. Um that's bridging this new thought that's coming in and these new waves with the old thought that is leaving. So that's how I think about the 90s, which was a huge part of my life. Um carrying on with your story. So now you're 18, you're graduating, and are you still living with your mom while you go to college?

SPEAKER_00 9:39

So I actually didn't go to college until I was about 30. Um, I started, yeah, I took a I took some time off, you know.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

Let's hear about it.

SPEAKER_00 9:49

So I got married when I was about 20. Um, and then we had two more kids. So that marriage came to an end uh about mid-20s. And so by 25, I was already separated with four children. Um don't recommend it necessarily, but you know, it happens sometimes, especially you go into a relationship um already having kids. I choose not to not to date men with children. So, you know, you have this new relationship with a man who doesn't have kids, you have two, now y'all have four, and you're both really young, you know. Um, because if if my daughter came to me, like 19, any of my daughters, and was like, hey, I'm ready to get married, I'd be like, No, you're not, you know. But um, so it it a lot of things happen kind of in between, and that that marriage wrapped up. So I moved out of state to care for my grandmother. Um, and upon moving back, I was like, you know what? I am starting over again. So I have to find a job, I have to find somewhere to live, all these things, and I just have my high school education. Um, which is okay, but when you have four kids, it's kind of like I I I gotta do better, you know. Like I have a lot of people to take care of, and my ex-husband was kind of helpful, but really I did most of the parenting for all four children. Um, so it's you know, it's like I got a lot of responsibilities, so I need to do big things. So I started actually uh for my my uh CNA uh sorry, I worked as a CNA for a while, so I went to start a college for my uh associates and medical assisting, stay in the medical field, you know. And um, so I didn't do that until I was like 29, about when I started going into 30. Um, and then I got my bachelor's, I got my master's, and I wrapped all that up about 35. Um so yeah, I didn't I didn't go to college until my early to mid-30s.

SPEAKER_01 12:19

Well, that's pretty cool. I mean, just seeing the different timeline that we can all do things. There's a there's really not a time on life. We have these fake times on life that you have to accomplish this by this date. And even when you were talking earlier that you would not recommend your daughter to get married at 19, I was raised um upon reflection in life, I was raised to be a wife. And this this is I didn't realize this until I was 40. But but um I get it, yeah, yeah, it was it was one of those light bulb moments where I was like, oh my goodness, I was raised to be a wife. And so all of these things that just felt really natural or accepted. And one of those was you know, getting married at 19, 20 years old, which that relationship did not last because I was didn't know anything about myself. I didn't know anything about life, I didn't know how to communicate to another person. There's just so many things that somebody has to learn. Like now I would tell somebody, wait till minimum 25, wait till you're 30 or 35.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

Seriously. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:37

Um get to know yourself because you think you know yourself as a teenager, but you have no idea how much the world has to give you experiences that you don't know exist.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

Right. Yeah, I I have two adult children, um, one just turned 26 and one just turned 23. Oh, I'm sorry, she'll be 23 soon, and neither one of them are married. Um, they are one is in a serious relationship, one is getting to know someone, and I love it. I love it because they are taking the time to be and become who they are to learn themselves, and um I just I wish that we did that more. The majority of the unhappiness that comes from women later in marriage is because oh well the kids are older and I don't know who I am now, you know, and and and myself included, because you know, I came into 40 like oh everyone's getting older when you've taken the time to kind of learn yourself and figure yourself out, and you have the right support system in place to help you do that. It's completely possible and fun to be who you are when you turn 40. You know.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

So are you going um post-divorce and then now you're you're a single mom going to college at this point?

SPEAKER_00 15:10

Um, yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

So did you have any kind of support during that? What was that like? Because I've been to school and I know how taxing without it's taxing to take care of kids, it's taxing to go to school, and it's taxing to work. So I'm imagining you're balancing all these somehow, somehow. Uh what was that like for you?

SPEAKER_00 15:36

So in the beginning, um, I have a story. So in the beginning, um, it was fine. I did everything online. Uh I st for my associates, um, I did everything online. I had one class left. Uh, I was taking the bus at the time, and because you know, four children, no car, why not? You know, so I was taking the bus. Uh, for my very last class, it wasn't in person because it was clinicals. Well, it had snowed, and um I wasn't able to take the bus that day, and they put me down as like no show. So then the college called and I had to do this whole thing with them, and they were like, Well, we have to fail the class because you didn't go in. And I was so pissed off because like I came this far, you know, and public transportation, I can't control that. So I did what anyone else would do, and I completely switched majors. Um, I started uh for a whole nother degree, but I had enough credits at the time to do so, so I didn't have to like, you know, it wasn't like starting from the beginning. Um, so for my my associates, I I was a single mom and I was doing that by myself. Um during that time where I was switching, kind of going into my bachelor's, uh, I actually took in a baby.

SPEAKER_01 17:08

Like somebody else's baby?

SPEAKER_00 17:10

Yeah, biologically, someone else's baby. Um, because you know, why not? I don't I didn't have enough chaos, you know, so like that was the logical thing to do. So no car. Uh, because I had moved back in the state, I had gotten a couple DUIs over the years, and so I didn't have, but at this point I had like I was getting my life together, you know. So why not? Why not add something else to the mix? So uh a co-worker of mine, her daughter was pregnant. She didn't have custody of her existing kids, and she just wasn't in a good situation. So uh the child was placed with me through DSS around this time, and um he is still with me 11 years later, my my youngest son. So, you know, add more to the chaos because there's not enough. Um, when I started my bachelor's, I still was a single mom of five at that point. Uh my now husband and I moved in together about eight, nine years ago. And so that was really when I was in the bulk of my bachelor's and into my master's. So I I was engaged, we were living together, but we weren't married yet. Um so some when I began college, yes, I was a single mom. Um, but I don't know, I just made it work, you know, um, because it's just what I was used to, just a lot of things going on all the time. And I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, and I think part of that has kind of been like a superpower for me because I enjoy a lot going on. I feel like I can manage it better, if that makes sense. But if it's just like quiet and not much, I'm like, I need something else. Like this, you know, it's weird.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

That's fascinating that you thrive in more chaos with an ADHD brain. But I bet that probably might be more for other people with ADHD, which I do I relate to in some areas, but I do not have caffeine affects me.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

Um I used to live off caffeine though, but now I don't drink caffeine. Like every once in a while I'll get maybe an unsweet tea, but I used to. I used to thrive on caffeine, caffeine and ADHD were like kept me running. And I cut caffeine as a part of some other things that I gave up years ago just because I noticed once I stopped for a few, I quit smoking cigarettes, like a bunch of stuff, and I'm like, oh, you know, it's not really that I was functioning well with ADHD and caffeine and chaos. It's kind of like I knew what was coming, and I knew that I would always have all these plates spinning.

SPEAKER_02 20:09

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Um, you know, and it's kind of like once you once you change a bunch of habits and you kind of like breathe, when everything is going on and everything's chaotic, and that's what you're used to, the fact of not having all those plates spinning is scary, right? Because I'm like, oh no, that I I'm used to this, I need it. Um but realistically, when you do that, you kind of you can't be successful at everything all at once. So it's like once you kind of take a step back and stop trying to spin everything, and and the comment that you made about being born to be a wife, I understand that. I I wasn't raised to be a wife, I was raised in a couple generations of single women, single mothers, single households, but I love being a wife, and part of it is because I can slow down a little bit. You know, like I don't have to juggle everything and feel like that's what I thrive in because that's just what I'm used to.

SPEAKER_01 21:19

I really like you pointing that out, especially the comment you made about how when you have several different plates that you're holding on to and spinning, to let go of any of those plates feels scary. And so whatever is our norm, even if our norm is thriving in chaos, or we think we're thriving and maybe we're not doing as well as we think we are, just making it. Um it's scary to change that. And no matter where we're at, it's it is scary to make a change in your life because you don't know what the outcome is. And so we like We don't like change as humans and we don't like the unknown or what's coming next. And it's sometimes difficult, but pushing through. Um, so how are you managing and functioning now that you've actually cut out some of these habits? Do you still have a bunch of spinning plates or have you balanced them differently?

SPEAKER_00 22:24

Yeah, I just I learned just kind of yeah, how to balance everything a little bit differently. And it took a while. Um, some of it took therapy, some of it took writing, um, because for me, writing is a really big outlet. Um I think uh another component of another component of ADHD is we feel like kind of like how we feel like we have to have a bunch of chaos going on all the time. We feel like we have to constantly be productive for all of our focuses to make sense. And I went through a big period of that too, where like, okay, I have to be a mother, I have to be constantly in in college learning, I have to constantly do this, uh, you know, I have to I have to do all these things because I have to prove that I'm productive.

SPEAKER_01 23:20

Um and I kind of have anything to not be productive, right? Intentionally, I mean I'm asking like now.

SPEAKER_00 23:28

Oh, uh, I'm sorry, I say that again.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

Do you do you have anything that you intentionally do at this point in life to be not productive?

SPEAKER_00 23:38

That's still difficult. It's still difficult for me because my husband is the one who kind of taught me, like, hey, sometimes just doing nothing is being productive. And I didn't understand that at first because I'm like, well, but if I'm not moving, then I'm not being productive, you know, because for me I thought I always had to be doing something movement-wise to be productive. And he said to me one day, he's like, you know, sometimes just sitting here watching a movie, taking time for myself, is being productive. And I was like, oh that actually makes sense when you think about our mental health, how we need self-care, how we need to take care of ourselves. I'm so used to taking care of a bunch of other people. It's something that I didn't really look at. You know, for me, self-care was making sure everyone's taken care of. Um, so yeah, I do. Like I I love playing Sims. And and I used to say, oh yeah, writing books, like working on writing books, that's that's being productive for me taking care of myself, um, being still. But it's still I'm still working, right? So if I'm like journaling or something is different, but if I'm writing with the intention of producing a book to sell, I'm still working. So I love playing Sims. And and I make sure that I play Sims once a week now. And like for a while, I kind of designated a day because I'm not working. I'm not working, I'm not, you know, I'm probably still taking care of people because on my Sims, I'm a mom. So I can't get away from it. But yeah, there there is that, and there's very specific specific shows I watch. Um, I don't spend a lot a lot of time watching TV, but certain days I'll allow myself. I'm just gonna sit on the couch, I'm just gonna watch TV, and that's all I'm gonna do, you know, because we we should. We have to, we have to do things for ourselves to not feel so burnt out doing for everybody else.

SPEAKER_01 25:52

And that is taking the intentionality of doing nothing. Right. I uh at this point in life, I have to schedule everything's on a schedule for me right now, and it's actually a very self-imposed schedule. I the only responsibility for other beings is my cats and me. And they don't take that much care, not like a child where you have to be there all the time. Um, you know, I have my self-employed business, I do this podcast, then I have theater, I'm taking a class right now. I'm just like, how many, how much stuff can I do if not the infinite time and energy that I think that I have?

SPEAKER_00 26:33

Right.

SPEAKER_01 26:33

So I actually have to schedule in time for myself and tell myself I intend to do nothing productive. And for me, um a few months ago was my birthday. It was my 45th birthday, so I bought myself an inflatable hot tub. And it's my bougie life. And so now I try to get in at least once a week where I can because I I'll sit in there for at least 40 minutes to an hour, and I find it is like taking that that deep breath and just kind of melting in, like being in the water, being able to stare up at the sky is very relaxing. And so I can just let my mind and my body melt in those moments, and it's my time of doing nothing, but the doing nothing is relaxing or rejuvenating me so that I can be productive in the other areas, and that's what I've learned.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

Yeah, you know, I I think that I want to naturally say, right, that I think that as mothers, we don't practice self-care enough, but I think as humans, as humans, we don't practice self-care enough because one, for some of us it feels selfish, two, we don't feel like we have enough time because you know there's that productivity again. I feel like there's something else I could be doing for someone else or something, you know, and it's really selfless to take care of yourself. Um, if you are a caregiver, we can't do anything for anyone else when we are so tense, angry all the time, frustrated all the time, annoyed all the time, because we don't take a minute. And and I've been there too. Um, you know, when at one point while when I was in college for one of my masters, my son, my youngest, he was in kindergarten, and during COVID, he was beside me at his little desk doing 30 minutes of kindergarten while I was on my at my desk writing college essays. And so there was like really no time, no me time, you know, because I had a five-year-old. And so his dad worked during the day, and I was just home, and then I go to work in the evening, come home, and I'm already like exhausted and burnt out. And so, you know, even like the car ride, like the car ride isn't the greatest self-care place because you're still driving or you're, you know, whatever. But it's an option. It's where I started learning. So, okay, listen to music, don't listen to anything like I have to listen to podcasts, you know, just listen to music where I'm just singing and I'm just looking at the road and I'm just relaxing, you know, before I go home and then get upset with everybody because they did nothing wrong, but I'm just tired.

SPEAKER_01 29:38

Yeah. And I think that's real, is that we as humans, like you said, tend to do things a lot, get tired, we get cranky, or get hangry if we haven't eaten because we didn't take the time, whatever. When we don't recognize the self-care that we need, then our behavior toward other people becomes a little rude, not nice. Um, and and we may not be proud of ourselves in those moments, but until you learn to recognize that. So it's making the same mistakes over and over until you recognize when it's happening. And uh now at 45, I've been through enough times where I've um kind of burned myself out, then spend like two or three weeks, then then I'm kind of forced to do nothing because then I'm like I'm kind of angry at it at everything. And I'm like, I'm just not doing anything. I'm just gonna watch YouTube or Netflix when I'm not working. And and then I'll do that literally for a couple weeks, and and then I'm tired of it and I'm back, like it kind of rejuvenates my energy, but sometimes it is several days or weeks of nothing productive. Um and then and then that's what I kind of feel burnout is once you get there, you kind of have to allow yourself not to do anything, but people keep pushing through past that point, and then that's when it starts taking a physical toll on the body. Um my observations. So you have written several books. I want to talk about that. And so writing for you has been, I'm guessing, cathartic.

SPEAKER_00 31:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:34

And something that you enjoy doing. And it's kind of cool. You have a lot uh geared toward parenting and the cutest book titles. But I think it said mommy and me have ADHD, and then there's another one, Mommy and Me Have Anxiety. How adorable titles, but also so real.

SPEAKER_00 31:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:00

So um speak a little bit to about how you started writing these books and that journey.

SPEAKER_00 32:07

So this is really like my favorite project so far. Um, the Mom and Me series, it is intentionally for parents and children who have collectively been diagnosed with ADHD or anxiety. Um, we're working on BPD and a couple other diagnoses as well. Some, you know, I think it's gonna be about a five-book series. Um, but I've noticed that there's not a lot of literature, fun literature, that caters to both the mom and the child. Um, and I I may do a dad and me series down the line if there's a request for it. But me being a mom, this was just mom and me have ADHD and anxiety both are something that I've experienced right beside one of my children. And so um both of these books come from personal experience and of myself as well as personal experience of the child who helped write the book. So mom and me have ADHD, my son Noah, my youngest son, we wrote that together. Um, mom and me have ADHD, one of my daughters, uh, I mean, sorry, uh, mom and me have anxiety, one of my daughters and I, we wrote that together. Um, and so you know, I'm working on finding other mom and child pairs who share a diagnosis because I want the rest of the series to be just as authentic. Um, so none of them are based on, you know, like research, like web's research or anything like that. They're all written from personal experience of the authors involved. And um, yeah, I just I just noticed that there's not a lot of stuff out there like that. Um the first half of the book is geared toward kids, um, ADHD kids. Um, anxiety is more for kids and teenagers. Um, but the first half of the book, it it reads like a children's book, it's got pictures, it's got words, and then the second half is for the mom. And that has more just writing, there's no pictures in that half, um, but it's more kind of uh scholarly educational information. And so what the books do is they help the child and the mom together understand each other. So, what symptoms do is the child experiencing? What symptoms is the mom experiencing? And how when they see these these symptoms in each other, how they can acknowledge them and get, you know, kind of not I don't want to say get through them, but manage them. So if I notice my child is really super fidgety, um, whether it be with anxiety or ADHD, how am I gonna approach that symptom? Um if my son notices that I am like scrolling around looking for stuff, what can he do to help? Um, you know, uh things like that, and vice versa. If I notice he's scrolling around in circles trying to find everything, let's take a breather. How can we help each other? And so that's that's what the the series does. It kind of introduces both sides of the symptoms so that we can work together collectively to help each other through it.

SPEAKER_01 35:35

How cool! What a great resource for people. And if you're listening, if you're a mom and you or your child or both of you have these, it would be a great resource for you. So you have some other books. Um, can you speak about those books and how those came into fruition?

SPEAKER_00 35:56

Yeah. So the first books that I wrote actually were the parenting work books. Uh I'm sorry, the first books that I actually published were the uh mom brain and dad brain. That's not true. I'm sorry. The second book, second and third books that I published were the mom brain and dad brain. And when I started these books, we were right in the middle of the pandemic. And the first version of these books actually is not out anymore. Um, but it was focused on navigating COVID, uh, mom brain through COVID. Because we're we're through this thing that we've never experienced before. And you know, it was kind of like chaotic. We're all trying to figure out how to parent through a lot of different things. This this new thing that's out here, a new vaccination, um, a new uh style of schooling. A lot of people had to do virtual schools. There's like all these things that were like really new, and it started as a workbook to help navigate through that. So after we got through COVID, I kind of changed it a little bit to make it more general. Um, so before that, uh I had written while I was in college for Christian studies for my bachelor's, I wrote a workbook on understanding the religion and the Bible. Um, I know a lot of people who practice the religion um and don't really understand it. So it was just something that, you know, and I know other people who've commonly seen this, like, you know, you go to church every Sunday and you worship, but you've never really taken the time to understand, you know, what you're celebrating, what are you experiencing, what your belief system is really based on. And um, it is it's just it's a factual college-level workbook. Um, no uh no uh opinions, it's no nothing like that. It's just information. Questions to answer? Yeah, so it's uh so I start with literature, and then uh we have pre-questions, so questions about um each chapter just to kind of test your knowledge on what you already know. And then you have the literature and then you have post-questions, and those questions are just really to gauge what you've learned. It's a way for you to kind of to read the literature and process it, and then you know, write out, answer the questions to figure out what you learned in that chapter. Um, and the parenting workbooks are the same way. There's questions at the beginning to see what you know, and then there's literature, and then there's questions, so you can be like, oh, you know, you can look back and realize and understand what you learned that you maybe didn't know before, or you know, like I already knew about that, but now I learned this about it, or I understand it better, you know, or something like that. Um so that's the the setup of the workbooks, and um the the my autobiography came out after all of those. That was the fourth thing that was actually published, but it was the first thing I actually ever wrote. And I started it when I was about 25, and I didn't publish it until I was about 30. Um, and I that was because it was so emotional. Like it was it brought up things that I didn't realize I hadn't worked through, and I had to put it down. Um, and then actually on a conversation about my workbooks, um, I had a a publisher I was speaking with and I mentioned my autobiography, and she was like, wait, send me the first page of that. And so I sent her the first page, not intending for this to be the book that she published. And she read the first page and she was like, I want that book. And I was like, but it's not finished. I don't even know if I was gonna put that out, you know. And then uh, so yeah, so my autobiography was the fourth. Um, and then I was in a collective work with Red Thread Publishing um for Notes The Motherland, and that is myself and 13 other women. Um, we each wrote a chapter about a specific topic related to motherhood. Um and then and then the Mom and Me, I think that's the most recent. Um, so The Mom and Me, two books in that series, and I'm uh next I'm putting out a memoir in May.

unknown 40:43

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 40:44

Here's the hoping that it comes out in May. I I plan to put it out on my birthday in May 5th, um, because it's a memoir about turning 40 and my first year into 40. Um and I started writing that kind of chronologically, but it's taken a whole nother turn, and I'm really excited about it. Um, I'm I'm in love with the cover, and uh I think the book is really gonna reach a lot of people, and not just, you know, like the autobiography is like there's really deep stuff in there, but it's kind of like you have to at least know of me to be interested in that. But I think this memoir, just like the mom and me books, are really gonna really, really gonna touch a lot of people.

SPEAKER_01 41:32

That's absolutely beautiful. So if you're listening, we're actually recording in April, and I think this episode's gonna come out maybe in July or August. I don't know. I have to look at my spreadsheet. Yeah. Uh I also have lots of plates. Did I say that? Um so by the time somebody is listening to this, your memoir should also be available and sounds like it too would be interesting. I also do you think you're gonna do a lot more books geared toward parenting?

SPEAKER_00 42:18

That's a good question. Um, I really want to try my hand at fiction, actually. I know I'm nervous. What kind of fiction? Um, so I uh a murder mystery is gonna be my first one. That's my favorite. Yeah. And it's this one I actually started about the time I started writing my autobiography. So again, I, you know, because I've never done fiction before. Everything I've written has been educational or from my life. So it's like, ugh, I I started it and I like went really hard in the first chapter, and I was like, man, but the amount of detail you have to put into fiction is a lot. So it's something that uh I don't know if I'm gonna tackle that one by myself because you know, but I think it'll be a fun project. And I and I actually had a dream last night about another story. Um, and I so I think I'm gonna maybe work on that one. That was gonna be fiction too. I haven't decided if it's gonna be murder mystery, but there is something in there that's I don't know if it's gonna be murder, but it it's gonna be mysterious for sure. Someone does something you gotta figure out, you know.

SPEAKER_01 43:36

I like it. I like that. That's so cool. Um, so are you at this point just authoring? Are you still working in the medical field and writing books?

SPEAKER_00 43:50

Um, so I actually stepped out of the medical medical field a a while back. Um, which sometimes I'm kinda like, I should have stayed in it. Um You know, because you always have a career in the medical field. But I've really enjoyed exploring my artistic side. Um, I just actually, with my partner and I just started a magazine as well. And so that's um, I'm the managing editor in that um I am ready magazine, and that's already out. Our first edition is already out. So um that's the writing. Yeah, writing is primarily what I'm doing right now. Um, I do have the coaching business um where I coach family and relationships, uh, familial relationships, parenting relationships, things like that. Um, but my main focus at this time is the writing.

SPEAKER_01 44:41

Love it. That's so cool. Well, maybe you'll look back at the end of your life and have a whole bookshelf full of books that you've written. And it sounds like you keep getting more inspiration. And as your children grow up, you'll have more time to dedicate to you know, more different stories or whatever creative outlets come. How awesome. Thank you. We're coming to nearing the end of our time together. If people want to look up your books, find you out there on the internet, where can they do that?

SPEAKER_00 45:18

Yeah, you can go to www.falality, f a l-o-l-i-t-y.net. Um, you can find my books, flawality.net forward slash books. But if you want to, you know, just go to fullality.net, you can find all the things.

SPEAKER_01 45:36

What does fullality stand for?

SPEAKER_00 45:38

Uh, so it's a combination of faith, love, and equality.

SPEAKER_01 45:42

Oh, okay. I like it.

SPEAKER_00 45:45

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 45:47

And then I have one more question. So if you could leave the listeners with any bit of wisdom from your life, whether we've talked about it today or if it just comes to you, what would that be?

SPEAKER_00 46:00

Oh man. Enjoy it. Um enjoy it and be kind to people. Treat others well, treat yourself well. It can be hard to do, especially when there's a lot of tension in the world. It's easy easy to be reactive, it's easy to be stressed out. Just breathe. Just breathe, be kind to yourself and be kind to other people.

SPEAKER_01 46:30

Great words of wisdom. Thank you, Rhea, for coming on the podcast today, sharing some of your stories, some of the amazing work that you have done, that you're going to do. Yeah, it's been such a pleasure.

SPEAKER_00 46:43

Thank you so much for having me. This was really fun. I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 46:47

Yay. If you're out there listening and you love my show, go rate it on Apple iTunes or Spotify. Share it with a friend. If you know another mom who's struggling and this is inspirational, share it with her and share some of these books that can help people become better parents because parenting is hard. Yes. As you embrace your humanness, be kind, be you, and remember, everything is part of the journey.