EP3 -The Mental Weight of Weddings: Burnout Is Real

In this episode of Engaged in Chaos, Autumn is joined by Megan Kozell, founder of The Balanced Boss. Megan started her career in the wedding industry and is now a mental health coach who works primarily with women in business to help them recognize and recover from burnout.

This conversation is split into two powerful segments, addressing the emotional challenges faced by both engaged couples and wedding professionals.

First, we focus on brides and the emotional stress of wedding planning.
We unpack the impact of social media comparison, financial pressure, and outside opinions from friends and family. Megan shares actionable coping strategies to manage anxiety, stay present, and set boundaries during the planning process. Her advice empowers couples to stay focused on their relationship and enjoy their engagement without losing themselves in the chaos.

Next, we turn our attention to wedding vendors and creative professionals.
We talk about the mental toll of working in the wedding industry, including burnout, imposter syndrome, and the pressure to constantly perform. Megan provides insight into building sustainable habits, maintaining mental clarity, and recognizing when it’s time to seek outside help. If you're a wedding photographer, planner, or creative professional, this part of the conversation will feel especially relevant.

Whether you're planning a wedding or working behind the scenes, this episode offers practical tools and an honest look at the emotional weight weddings can carry—and how to protect your well-being through it all.

Connect with our guest:
Instagram: @the.balanced.boss
TikTok: @thebalancedboss

As always, we love to get your feedback and questions - CLICK HERE to fill out our form! We cant wait to connect.

Follow us on Instagram:
Autumn & Company Photography: @autumnandcophoto
Engaged In Chaos Podcast: @engagedinchaos

Bye Loves!

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Mental Health Coach - Megan -The Balanced Boss
• 2:27 Common Challenges Couples Face Wedding Planning
• 4:57 Impact of Outside Input
• 8:00 Social Media & Unrealistic Expectations
• 13:55 Couples - Advocate For Yourself
• 21:56 How To Stay Connected As A Couple
• 29:57 Understanding Burnout & Vendor Stress
• 40:12 Overcoming Imposter Syndrome As A Wedding Vendor
• 51:09 The Importance Of Self Care
• 54:46 When To Seek Help & Support

Transcript

Autumn (00:10)
Hello loves, I'm Autumn and welcome back to another episode of Engage to Chaos. Today I have with me the amazing mental health coach, Megan, for us to interview and go over and talk with, pick her brain on some things. So let's just jump right on in. Megan, tell us who you are, what you're about, and what we're talking about today.

Megan Kozell (00:31)
Hey Autumn,

thank you so much for having me. I cannot wait to pour into your community. I am just so honored that you asked me to come on. I'm Megan Koza. I am the founder of The Balance Boss. I'm a mental health coach and I teach burnout recovery for women in entrepreneurship and in leadership. And I got into this field. So before I launched The Balance Boss, I did wedding and event rentals here in Pensacola. So, and that's how I know Autumn for those of you who are listening. ⁓

But I was struggling with burnout for such a long time as I was doing the rental side in the wedding industry as I was going through college and I didn't really know of any mental health professionals that specifically worked with women in business and I knew immediately after graduating school that I wanted to work with women in business. So I went to college. I have a master's degree in social work with

a specialization in advanced clinical practice and I'm in the seventh year of an eight-year process that it takes to be a clinical therapist. So right now we're doing some coaching which I'm in love with but I created this business with wedding vendors in mind. they are my reason for creating this business and so that's why we're here today.

Autumn (01:54)
That's amazing and I'm so grateful to have you with us. fact, I don't mind sharing this. I am one of Megan's clients. You have helped me so, so much and having this experience and going through it with her, with you Megan, it's helped me so, much.

we want to put our best foot forward for the show and to start off on the right foot is to go over our mental health. I feel like that's the foundation, whether it be couples planning their wedding or other photographers or vendors in the industry. And who better to have than someone like you to extend all that to us and help us

Megan Kozell (02:27)
I what you were talking and I was like getting emotional like just to see your growth and how much work you've put in and it's just amazing and the fact that I get to be a part of this journey and not just in your life personally but now in your podcast it's just it does something to me.

Autumn (02:47)
I know and it helped me so much. So I really think today's gonna help a lot of other people too. So we'll just go jump right into it so that I don't continue to be emotional. let's see, I know that you primarily work with a lot of business owners and women in business and that kind of thing, but I do want us to start out kind of on the couple side and pick your brain about that for couples planning their wedding.

What would you say is the most common mental and emotional challenges that you see couples facing during the wedding planning process?

Megan Kozell (03:15)
that's such a great question. So when our parents and grandparents got married, they had like appetizers and mince and punch and a photographer. And then you like had this party and you went on your way.

Now we have three to four course meals, full plated meals, we have an open bar, we have, I mean, it is a grand experience for a couple to get married. So on top of the fact that when we add wedding or bridal to any service, now it jumps up in price. So those are some common challenges that...

couple's face. Not only are they trying to have the best dream day that they can possibly have, but they're trying to figure out how to afford it.

And to give their guests the best experience while making sure that their love is ultimately the focal point and the reason of the day. So I also think that outside input is such a huge roadblock for couples. You know, you have family or friends that have said, ⁓ when we got married, we did this or ⁓ my friend did this.

So not only do you have a job, but now you're trying to plan a full wedding around life and the chaos that life brings. So you're working, you're trying to prioritize your family and your relationship, and now you're trying to plan a wedding for however many people and it's costing you tens of thousands of dollars. So those are just some of the stressors that I see across the board for couples planning a wedding.

Autumn (04:51)
Yeah, it's like life can't be stressful enough on its own and then you want to go add like budgeting for a wedding and like wedding stress on top of it. It's intense. ⁓ So you touched on a little bit about having outside input from parents or in-laws or future in-laws or social media creating anxiety. How do you see that kind of portray as or cause even a conflict for couples?

Megan Kozell (04:58)
you

Yeah, absolutely. So if you have, say you have your mom that really wants to help and she wants to help financially and contribute, well then there's kind of an unspoken expectation that her input is a part of the process. So it's kind of, ⁓ I'm giving you this money to help pay for your wedding, but there are definitely strings attached.

Autumn (05:40)
Yeah,

like I need to have all my work friends and I've seen it actually become like mom's wedding before like the daughter's getting married but mom's like in total control of the whole thing. It's her wedding that she never got.

Megan Kozell (05:52)
And it's so disheartening because here you have your client that...

has dreamt about this day since she was a little girl or he was a little boy and now it's mom's show and that's just so disheartening because you feel like your parents want to contribute or whoever it is say that you have financial support from someone else that should be a gift this is no strings attached we want to support you we want to make this day so great for you and take some stress off of your plate here you go but then

Autumn (06:00)
Thank

Yeah.

Megan Kozell (06:24)
by the way, you know my third cousin Sally Sue is gonna come and you're like I don't even know who they are. If I passed them I wouldn't even recognize them on the street. People who've never even met your spouse, ⁓ the person that's about to be your spouse, they don't even know who they are and you're gonna come to our wedding and eat our food? What?

Autumn (06:45)
Yeah, that's, I see it. It's unfortunate that we see it so often. and on the sidelines of me being the photographer, like I'm your advocate and I'm your, I'm your best friend for this experience too. Like I'm so friends with so many of my brides after the fact. And like to see them go through that and it adds stress to their day. It's where they're not actually present for their wedding day. They're just trying to manage and like keep things kosher throughout the whole day or keep the relationship good.

or they're sacrificing something they want for the sake of other people. That makes me sad.

Megan Kozell (07:15)
I know.

and we call it, we call it the eff it stage. Like when you get to that point in the process of wedding planning that you're just like, I'm ready for it to be over. You're like, that's not how this is supposed to go.

Autumn (07:29)
Yeah, I feel like

if there's that much negativity on the day, that's what that couple ends up remembering. And that's what I end up remembering about it too, when it should be like the first touch or the first look or them walking down the aisle and even the couple doesn't even remember it as much as either XYZ family member throwing a fit

Megan Kozell (07:48)
Yeah, it really does the net and I hate to say that but the negative really overlooks the positive because those are those core moments that you remember like how it made me feel versus what truly matters. that's again, that's part of what I see as far as the outside noise and then also with social media culture. We have these I mean quarter of a million dollar weddings that celebrities

host about and share about with endless budgets and that's not realistic for a middle class couple that wants to have a dream wedding. I also see a lot of vendors portray their styled shoots as actual weddings. That is not realistic.

Autumn (08:31)
It's come up in Me and the Wedding Planner, Miss Brooklyn with Zenith Event Productions in our episode she's like portraying style shoots as such a red flag, like saying like that's all you're showing. It's setting unrealistic expectations and.

Then just like you said, social media, talked about that too of how it really does set those expectations so high when it's not monetarily a feasible option for a lot of couples. So it's messing things up there. So yeah, it's been a common theme that keeps coming up in recording with vendors here lately.

Megan Kozell (09:04)
Yeah, I mean it is it's such a huge issue so when you are advertising your styled shoe as an actual event

Not only are you setting the couple up for false hope or you know, but with if you come and do a style shoot and you have endless amounts of time to be creative and to do what you want and to play around like you don't have endless amounts of time during the wedding day like you're on a very tight schedule.

and you know you have tons of vendors that have come in and they're they're contributing but they're contributing whatever service that they want to without the expectation of payment

Autumn (09:43)
don't get me wrong, I've said this before too, is that I'm a big advocate for style shoots. I love them. It's a great way for us as vendors to kind of play around with our own creativity and have our own theme instead of like having to fit our needs to a client. And so it's really fun. I love them. I host one every year. I have one next week. ⁓ But like, it's still, there's still a big difference in portraying it as

a practice session or being creative and then posting it, hey, this is a style shoot. We all came together and we did X, Y, to make this happen. Or just saying, oh, hey, yeah, Eddie got married at this place and this is what it looked like when it really wasn't that way. And I think that's a lot of where that disconnect is.

Megan Kozell (10:29)
Yeah, absolutely. And I love too when coordinators and planners will email the vendors from the styled shoot and will say, whatever you're contributing, go ahead and do a mock up invoice of what that would be. And then collectively say, you know, that way if a client reaches out to you and says everything you did for that styled shoot, that's exactly what I want. Okay, well, I have a full invoice.

of what that would be from each vendor who contributed their services and what that price would be for you.

Autumn (10:59)
⁓ I love this, I've never heard this before. I'm going to use this.

Megan Kozell (11:04)
it. So just as the vendors are working on their plans and the time that they have invested, coming up with a realistic price point, So definitely use that, especially for that one that you have coming up this month. I'm so excited to see everything from that. I know it.

Autumn (11:21)
I'm so excited too, I've been planning it for eight months.

Megan Kozell (11:25)
I know

you have. But yeah, so I mean, just between that and social media culture and friends and family, there's just a lot of noise. Unfortunately, that the couples, it's a chat. It's like a it's like a battle that they're up against. Okay, well, how can I make our day about us, but also make sure that I'm keeping up with the Joneses. I'm making sure that everyone's entertained and I'm making sure that everyone is happy. That's just an impossible.

battle to conquer and win.

Autumn (11:54)
Yeah, absolutely. My for you page has been full of bride talk, being like, I'm stressed out, I don't understand what's going on, I don't understand why wedding prices are so high, I don't understand. All of these things, social media fooled me. And it's just, it's like, no. So that's why we're here.

Megan Kozell (12:06)
Yeah.

also think that education around that is good too. I mean, obviously, I know that I'm the one that just said with bridal and with wedding. ⁓

Anytime you throw bridal or wedding on something, the price increases, but there's a reason why. ⁓ If you do lifestyle, if you do family portraits, you can take multiple of those sessions. There's so much pressure to show up and excel in what you do on a wedding day. You don't get re-dos.

Autumn (12:36)
Right.

I appreciate that. Right.

Megan Kozell (12:37)
Hopefully, that's the goal is to never have to get married

again. But you can't recreate that day or go to that location and have the same outcomes over and over again. And that's a lot of pressure.

Autumn (12:50)
Yeah, you have to, I really feel like there's a certain skill set you have to have. And you also have to have a really good head knowledge and education of your own camera and the photographer world at least to be able to run a wedding, to be there for that. Cause you don't just be like, I missed the first kiss. Can you do that? Can you roll that back? Can you walk back up to the aisle? Sorry, I missed it. My settings weren't right. Like you can't do that. So you have to, that's why you find people who are specialists in the wedding industry. Cause it is so fast paced. There is so much that's involved in it.

Now personally me, my pricing is my pricing. I don't really have a differentiation ⁓ on I guess what my hourly or something would be. But in regards to a lot of other wedding vendors, there is a ton more work that goes into it. yeah, I'm taking that step by step, because I don't even know what some of those reasons are with some vendors. So I'm excited to learn that myself, because I respect their decisions.

how that pricing goes, even if I don't fully understand it myself, because I'm not in that part of the world, if that makes sense.

So what would be your advice to not only the couple, but some of the friends or family that's involved with wedding planning?

Megan Kozell (13:53)
Yeah, I think that for the family, if you're not gonna offer a no strings attached gift, even reducing the amount that you give the couple and making it no strings attached is better than giving them an endless budget and turning it into your wedding.

Autumn (14:11)
Mm, yeah.

Megan Kozell (14:12)
If it's not a

gift that's given without contingencies, don't give it. Like, personally, I've, now I'm just speaking on behalf of myself, I would much rather go to the courthouse and do like a fancy upscale courthouse wedding and have like an awesome honeymoon and invite like some of our closest friends and family than to have a 50, 60, $70,000 wedding where my mom.

planned the entire thing and I didn't even get a say.

Autumn (14:41)
Yeah, like where it doesn't represent you or your love for each other as the couple. Yeah, I totally agree with that.

Megan Kozell (14:46)
And for the couple I would say make sure that you are advocating for yourself Stand up for yourself. It's not you're never gonna get this day back It's you know, we hope like I said, we hope that it's a one-time thing that you never have to go through this process again But make it something that

You love make it a day that you love and make it a process that you're excited about It breaks my heart to hear someone say well, i'm i'm so glad that it's almost here like it's about to be over

also I would just say to be honest, keep an honest, transparent line open with your vendors. If you are needing something from your vendors, if you've reached out to a vendor and you've circled back around with them two to three times and you're not getting a response, you need to tell them where you're kind of where you stand, like that open line of communication and transparency when you're working with someone. You trust your vendors.

Autumn (15:19)
Thank

Megan Kozell (15:46)
That's why you booked them, but they need to be delivering the service that is contracted and agreed on.

Autumn (15:53)
Absolutely. I feel like that kind of goes right into our next question That many brides feel like they're failing and that they're not enjoying every second of wedding planning because all of that stress. Where does that guilt kind of come from and how can they maybe reframe that mindset to really enjoy the wedding planning process?

Megan Kozell (16:11)
I would say is your wedding planning process and is this process collectively honoring your values with you and your fiance? ⁓ Is this is what you're doing and what you're planning on track to giving you the best day of your life? And if it's not, then we need to reframe some things. So guilt might be coming from, well,

my mom and dad are paying for the wedding, but we really like this idea or this entree or this floral design. And there's guilt associated with not going in line with what they're saying or with what their friends saying. yes, that desire, that's exactly what it is. The desire to people please. ⁓ should I have...

Autumn (16:50)
So the desire to click will please. ⁓

Megan Kozell (16:58)
party favors and wedding favors or should we save those costs? You're honoring your guests by giving them a full service bar, night of entertainment and a three course dinner. You do not need the wedding favors. Yeah, but I also would say one of your biggest investments should be a wedding planner or some type of coordinator.

Autumn (17:11)
You've done enough.

Megan Kozell (17:22)
let them help you take that stress off. If not, the day of your wedding, you're gonna be getting your makeup done and the florist is gonna be coming in asking you for different things. The DJ is gonna ask where his setup goes. It's gonna be a nightmare.

Autumn (17:37)
Yes, I preach this so, so much. ⁓ I have a list of people who I'll recommend and be like, no, even if you don't, understand if you can't do a full day of planner or a full planning process, but like have a day of coordinator, please. Like they make sure everybody stays on time. They take all the questions and then bring you the ones that they can't answer. they go over all of these things, interview the heck out of them, but please have a coordinator like.

It keeps you stress free. You live your wedding, be present for your day, be present with your friends and your family and enjoy everything. let somebody else handle the tasks of the day. that's what they do professionally. And they're helpful to us too, because I always feel bad. So I feel bad sometimes when something's going on and I'm like, wait, well, when are we supposed to do this or what's going on here? ⁓ Okay, so I have to go interrupt somebody somewhere and I try to talk to other people before I talk to the couple just in case. But that's just what happens when you don't have a coordinator for the day.

Megan Kozell (18:15)
That's what they do.

you are if you don't have one you will be it and ⁓ i would also say

This is so random. I don't even think day of coordinators exist. I don't think day of, I don't think you can just show up the day of. Like there's so much planning, like so many details that need to be understood before day of. They should change their name to like execution coordinator or something like wedding execution coordinator. Like they know all of your plans and they show up and they're ready to work, but like day of is never day of.

Autumn (18:50)
That's terrific.

Hahaha

That's

so true though. That's so true.

So I want to talk about the idea of control for a second. What happens emotionally when things don't go as planned and like how can couples kind of prepare themselves for something to go wrong? Because I always say like, go ahead and plan in advance for there to be some sort of hiccup because when the hiccup comes you won't be super stressed out.

Megan Kozell (19:29)
Yeah.

Yeah, I would say go ahead and think of what's most important to you and focus on that. So if at the end of the day, what's most important is the fact that you're married. Keep that as your constant. There is always something that's going to go wrong. Somebody's going to forget a song. Somebody's going to, you know, bring the wrong color of something. I mean, it's just things happen and wedding vendors are not assembly lines. They're not robots. So when you're working with humans, ultimately you're going to have mistakes. So

Autumn (19:59)
Thanks.

Megan Kozell (20:00)
Not even saying that there's going to be a vendor issue. It could be that you're feeling really sad and defeated because your best friend of 15 years got a stomach bug and they have diarrhea and can't come to your wedding. know, so just things that are beyond your control. But if at the end of the day, your family got to be there, you're married, keep that as the focal point.

Autumn (20:03)
Be in

Megan Kozell (20:23)
And I would say, hey, the day of is not the time to stress or worry about it. Put it to the side, get through the wedding, and then if we want to cry about it later, that's totally fine. But as long as the couple has each other, that's all that matters.

Autumn (20:34)
Thank you.

Exactly. I wholeheartedly

agree with that. And sometimes it's not even a big thing that I've seen set couples off of like mess them up. can be something small as a button falling off of a shirt that have to be sewn back on or someone's makeup runs a little bit late or something like that. it's like us on the vendor side, when I'm building timelines, I try to help either the planner or I help my couples put their timeline assistance. ⁓

on the process anyway, but I try to plan at least a little bit of extra time. So if something does go wrong or somebody is running late or another vendor, something runs late for other unforeseen occurrences, that it doesn't throw off the whole day. it's like finding vendors that you trust, I think is super important. And then definitely going ahead and planning your brain to be like, okay, there's going to be something that doesn't go perfectly. How am I going to handle that when that comes?

Megan Kozell (21:30)
Yeah, absolutely. And utilizing your support system. Somewhere on site, there is a random aunt or uncle who is dying to be used.

Autumn (21:40)
I'm into that.

Megan Kozell (21:41)
It's so true. I mean your bridesmaids have them with you groomsmen have them with the groom But if something goes wrong and an errand needs to be run, it's not brand It's not the end of the world It really isn't utilizing your support system and just really putting your trust in those who are there to love on you and support you I think is really important

Autumn (22:04)
Absolutely. So what are some practices that couples can use to try to stay grounded and emotionally connected throughout their wedding planning process? And then also the day of because I they don't get a lot of alone time together on wedding days. I see this all the time. So I love that here recently I've encouraged couples to like go have a private dinner and have some time for yourself kind of things that they can stay emotionally and mentally connected to each other.

Megan Kozell (22:30)
I love that. Making it a priority to go on date nights. I also think that having uninterrupted time without any wedding planning discussion is so important. Because when you're in the process of planning a wedding, that consumes your relationship at that time. You're, you know, hey, how are you doing? How was work?

Good, how was work for you? Good, okay, we have a lot of decisions to make. So having uninterrupted non-wedding discussion time is so important. I would say.

I know that we've already touched on this, but for your mental health, I would make the investment in hiring a planner. Someone that is keeping track of those to-do lists and saying, hey, we're at this milestone. Here are the things that I need you to take care of. Here are the things that I'm working on. It'll just flow so much better and it's gonna protect your mind. It's gonna protect your peace and it's gonna preserve the integrity of the wedding.

I would also say to prioritize your self-care. Make sure that like I know you're investing in the wedding, but when's the last time you invested in yourself? Again, having non-interrupted wedding planning or discussion time to go get that pedicure, go get that massage.

have a total veg day like just rot away on the couch. ⁓ Those are so important and also to just really be in tune with your emotions. If you're not feeling good, if you have a day where you're feeling off,

you're feeling down, don't force yourself to do things that your mind and your body aren't ready to do or don't have the capacity for. Honor yourself, honor your significant other, and don't feel like you have to take on the weight of the world alone.

Autumn (24:23)
think something that I see too is predominantly it is even with a wedding planner, I see a lot where it's the bride that is kind of controlling the planning process. I personally feel like the groom should be involved too and as much as possible, like share the load, share the load with your fiance.

Megan Kozell (24:41)
There's so many ways that the groom can be involved that maybe like, so I totally understand saying, hey, I'm going to get the invitation suite together for like for the layout. If you tell some grooms that they're going to think that you're

They're gonna look at you like you have three heads or that you came from a different planet. But hey, our rings need to be clean. Can you take them to the jeweler to do that? Easy. Easy. Utilize your significant other. I am fully on board with that. Even in the planning, if the bride has dreamt up this entire day and the groom is like, hate all of this, I don't think that's fair either.

Autumn (25:22)
Well, there's some days too where I show up and you know, groom is asking me questions like I don't I don't know. I just showed up like I'm just I'm just here. It's like that's OK. As long as that was OK with like each each party, each member of this relationship is OK with it. But I think it could take load off of off of the side that's predominantly planning the wedding at both partners are involved.

Megan Kozell (25:30)
I'm just glad to be here.

Autumn (25:49)
But at the same time, like you said, it's having a balance of it, of having both partners involved in wedding planning, but also knowing when both partners need to focus on each other or their hobbies or whatever, and not just be fully involved in that so that there's a good ⁓ balance in their relationship during wedding planning processing.

Megan Kozell (26:06)
Because if you're stressed and defeated and totally burnt out of this process by the time that you actually get to the wedding day, then you've defeated the purpose before you've even gotten there. Like it's to celebrate your love and how much love that you have for one another and how excited you are

if you go in Feeling defeated and not even happy to be there then What's the point like you're supposed to be so excited about spending forever with your person? And then we're gonna start it with an attitude if I can't wait this I can't wait for the stay to be over Terrible so heartbreaking, but yeah, don't be that couple

Autumn (26:40)
Yeah.

And let me just say too, if planning for wedding is that stressful, it is okay to change things. It is okay if you are planning a 300 person wedding and you're a few months out and you're just like, I don't want to do It's your wedding. You can change it. You can cancel that whole entire thing. As long as you're okay, you you might lose some money. But like,

Megan Kozell (27:04)
Yeah.

Autumn (27:05)
if that doesn't represent you anymore and you don't want to do that anymore, there's nothing wrong with saying, Hey, can I just maybe use my vendors, cut this guest list completely down and do something totally different that is more representation of where you are in your life at that point. Cause a lot of people right now are planning their weddings a year to two years out. You may not be the same person a year or two from now that you are right now. So if you want different things and you and your partner agree to change things, I just want to put that out there that it's totally okay.

to change things up. This is about you and your love for each other. It's not about pleasing your third cousin once removed.

Megan Kozell (27:40)
Yes,

Sally Sue does not have to be there. And there's no pressure to feel. The only person that you should be concerned about is you and your spouse. That's all that matters. And if everything that you're doing isn't in alignment with your values and with what you treasure about the day and what you love and your taste.

Who's it for? So yeah, don't like, don't be married, married, it? Ha ha. Don't feel like you have to be married to your plans. You can change things and yeah, anytime. It's your show.

Autumn (28:07)
Right.

I'm sorry. ⁓

Yeah,

absolutely. So one more question on this couple side of things. What are some good practices that a couple can do like the night before or the morning of their wedding to keep calm and to be present?

Megan Kozell (28:36)
That's a good question.

Yeah, so just breathing, getting a good night's sleep. not, I repeat, do not stay out until the butt crack of dawn on your wedding night. Get some rest, get some sleep.

Breathe. ⁓ There are a lot of really great breathing techniques out there. ⁓ Be present with, you're hanging out with the girls or hanging out with the guys, really be present. If you want to talk to your parents, you're nervous and want someone to talk to, call someone.

Ooh, another good one is if you're doing vows, read your vows through. ⁓ Just trying to, I think that instead of trying to cross off a checklist the night before, just to truly be present and take a look around and really appreciate everything that it's taken to get up to this point.

Autumn (29:30)
Yeah.

Now, this might be my own personal hot take. ⁓ As much as I, first looks are getting really controversial and I feel like you can do them if that represents you. Like there's no wrong way to wedding. I'm gonna sound like a broken record over all of my episodes cause I keep saying that, but it's true. ⁓ I'm also very much not against spending the morning together. People will go the whole day without seeing each other.

I call myself a nervous Nancy. I wanted to see Eddie before we got married. I spent the morning with him. I wasn't dressed up or anything yet, but you don't have to spend the whole day apart if you don't want to. And you can still do that first look or first touch if you want to. And you don't have to if you don't. But it's whatever's more representation of you guys.

Megan Kozell (30:17)
Absolutely. I'm a firm believer in that too. Wyatt and I, did a first look and it was so great to be able to see him and get family photos taken care of because after the... obviously the ceremony was my favorite part of the day, but then after that in-between time of sunset portraits together and just being alone with him, that was my favorite part of the entire day. So just incorporating as much time together as possible. I love that. I love that so much.

Autumn (30:46)
Yes. All right. So I want to swap over to the vendor side of things for the remainder of this discussion with you, Megan. I want to fit two in one because I felt like they needed their own categories. They feel like couples needed couples need a certain set of guidance on their wedding planning side, but vendors need to know how to cope with their clients and with the wedding stress

On the different side of the spectrum. So first question I have is, what are some of the most common mental health challenges that you see creative business owners and wedding vendors face?

Megan Kozell (31:21)
vendors are under so much stress, so much pressure, they carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.

And some of the common roadblocks that they face are number one, burnout. Number two, not having the capacity for what they're committing to. So saying yes to people please and not really having the time or the brain space or the ability to execute on that. ⁓

operating out of scarcity and desperation with their pricing. ⁓ A client inquires and it's their dream client. They'd love to work with them. Client says, I can't afford you. Vendor says, okay, well, what can you afford? Come down. And then now we have a whole nother set of issues because you're adding to stress and burnout and you're not being properly compensated for your time and what you bring to the table.

Autumn (32:22)
That's it.

Megan Kozell (32:22)
That's a lot

of what I see with vendors.

Autumn (32:25)
Oh yeah, absolutely. And I think there's a lot of problems with overbooking ourselves too. Being a bit of a workaholic, because I feel like I can't rest if there's work to be done. And that's something you had to help me with too, of like, no, it's okay. Like take your time. have, just like people have, at a nine to five job, work nine to five, like it's okay. You set a time for yourself to stop working. And that's when you need to stop working, whatever that is that you set for yourself.

Megan Kozell (32:36)
Yeah.

Yeah, it's you know just because you were it it's that and I don't know if you've ever seen that meme or that saying and it's like I quit my mind to five to work 24-7 instead

Autumn (33:00)
Yes.

Megan Kozell (33:00)
And

⁓ it does not have to be that way. You can set working hours for yourself, time that you have for work and devoting to your services, but you also have a family and you have other things that you want to prioritize. Like prioritize yourself. Nobody wakes up and says, I never want to do anything with my family ever. I'm just going to work all day 24 seven and like.

No, yeah. yeah, I agree. Setting a schedule and working in a time that honors both your clients and your family and what you love and value most.

Autumn (33:27)
that.

Absolutely. So in regards to burnout, how does that typically show up for us in service space in creative industries?

Megan Kozell (33:46)
Yeah, a multitude of different things. You're feeling disconnected with who you are. You're not aligned with your business. ⁓ If you're creating and building your business on the back of burnout, it's an unsustainable model.

period of time. So you're, you're ⁓ having pricing issues where you're negotiating with clients that don't really appreciate what you bring to the table. You're lashing out at your husband or your wife. You're getting irritated with the kids. You're ⁓

Autumn (34:14)
your

Megan Kozell (34:17)
once your ideas used to flow so easily and you were so creative and now it feels like pulling teeth to come up with with different ideas or strategies. ⁓ You're saying yes to too many things. my gosh this list I could go on and on. You're you're feeling yeah feeling like there's got to be more than this. There's got to be you know I worked so hard to feel like this. Why? And and we see it ⁓ turning

Autumn (34:34)
Yeah

Megan Kozell (34:47)
into

depressions, see it turn into chronic stress and anxiety ⁓ and then burnout, the definition of burnout is chronic, unmanaged stress in your life. So if you are going long periods of time with burning the candle at both ends, eventually your body and your mind, they have to stop and a lot of times it's against your will when we see that happen.

Autumn (35:14)
Yeah, that's when they start seeing these problems when it comes to clients and there's those relationships with the client versus the creative happen and that's where that disconnect can start because you're overworking yourself so much that your client experience can go down and then you end up with troubles like that.

Megan Kozell (35:33)
Right, and then take it a step further. And if you're measuring your worth and your success and your growth based on client outcomes, you're not serving your client well, and then you're attaching your worth to what they receive, then we have a whole nother issue.

Autumn (35:49)
Yes, I have experienced that too. It was a few years ago because I didn't have as many like jobs lined up as I would have liked to for spring season. And I was like, do I just give up? Do what am I? What am I doing here kind of thing? And it's like, wait, no, no, no, you just got to it's just how you're marketing yourself. Like you're not reaching the right people and this is what you need to change about it. But yeah, the mindset is definitely real for sure.

So pivoting from the problem to the solution of it, how can vendors start to recognize the difference between being busy and then being burnt out? How can they start to pick apart those?

How can I start picking apart those behaviors?

Megan Kozell (36:27)
Yeah, so stress is temporary. So you double booked yourself one time. Okay, well, we can get through that. And once it's done, it's done. But if you're double booking yourself over a series of months, and you don't have time for rest, you don't have time for family time, ⁓ you're constantly thinking you're you're dreading working on the weekends because you never have a weekend off.

Autumn (36:30)
So. ⁓

Megan Kozell (36:54)
Like those are signs that you'll... and then you'll notice changes physically in yourself. You're not motivated to do things you once loved like getting up and going for a walk or swimming in the pool or doing things that you loved like reading. You'll start to lose your interest... lose interest in the hobbies that you were once passionate about.

your relationships will start to suffer. You're feeling hurt because your friends never invite you anywhere, but they're tired of rejection. They're tired of you saying, well, I have to work 24 seven and I'm not going to be able to go again. And so that's how we start seeing some of that. Also, just feeling super defeated and wondering like, I?

Am I destined for more? Is this really it? ⁓ When your business is at risk of closing and you are ready to burn everything to the ground, if you're having thoughts of, wish I could never do this ever again, like you are at the point of burnout. And then again, things like I lashed out at my husband for something totally unreasonable. ⁓

you know, I mean, which and that could be hormonal too, but yeah, and just if you notice that characteristics about yourself are changing as a result of you being at a maxed out capacity, that's where the the shift between stress and burnout happen. Stress is temporary burnout is chronic over a longer period of time.

Autumn (38:20)
Okay, perfect. I love that. ⁓ And I think that's where someone like you comes in to be so beneficial because She has weekly things and coping skills that she can go over, that you go over with your clients and you actually email those over so that they're on hand for me at any point in time and it's like, wait, I need...

I need to breathe. are some breathing exercises? They're right in there for me at any point in time in my life, but need to be able to handle things a little bit ⁓ better.

Megan Kozell (38:50)
Yeah, I always say so ⁓ mindset work without strategy is like a fresh flower bed with no flowers, right? it looks pretty. It's maintained, but it's missing a crucial component. So I always say that mental health work without effective coping skills or without effective science-backed strategies that you can use on your own.

like without that happy marriage, you're, you know, you're just, you're just an empty flower bed. So a lot of therapists, which I love therapy, I think that when done ethically therapy is life-saving, but there's also therapists that are totally okay with you coming and venting about your problems and saying, well let's unpack that. And then they never give you any strategies or any tools to implement on

And there's over 160 hours in the week. You're only in session for one of those hours. And so if you're working with a mental health professional and they're not checking in on you during the week, they're never offering you any tools to help support you along your mental health journey, like I would just really encourage you to watch out for that. If you're investing in therapy and it's not beneficial to your life, just kind of assess that.

Autumn (40:09)
makes a lot of sense. will say I've never had anybody message me and be like, have you have you done something for yourself today? Have you done something for yourself? Have you taken time to have you worked on a hobby? I've never had anybody like, have you have you stopped working? Are you being not productive right now?

Megan Kozell (40:25)
Did you eat?

Did you eat? you drinking water? I know. I know. You're like a little plant.

Autumn (40:29)
But I love that.

I love it because it clears so much. as much as someone invests in you, you're investing way more into your clients and you're such a beautiful human being inside and out. And I just absolutely adore you.

Megan Kozell (40:43)
You're killing me! Gosh,

I love my clients and I just, I really feel like that in between session support is so...

Crucial like not only are we having really impactful sessions together, but you're never gonna feel like Okay, well I'm going through something and now I have to wait until my next appointment to talk to Megan to get to get you know a beneficial response or or advice or or you know next step so Yeah, I just I think that that is what makes my program a little bit different and what's really special and unique about that

Autumn (41:19)
another thing I see a lot in on my social media and TikTok and stuff in the wedding world is vendors, I know, for photographers, first, we love to compare ourselves to other people. We love to be like, well, is my work that my work's not like theirs? And it's a lot of imposter syndrome that I see. Why is that so prevalent?

in our fields in the wedding industry and like, why does that do to our self-worth or decision making if we're repetitively comparing ourselves to other people that we see online?

Megan Kozell (41:54)
Yeah, so one of my favorite quotes is, the thief of joy. And when you are comparing yourself and comparing your skills to others, you're never going to measure up. So you'll constantly be chasing something that you're never going to get to because you're not them. And

doing the work that you do and bringing your skill set to the table and being unique is what sets you apart. It's what makes your clients want you. It's your own unique editing style or your posing style or ⁓ your ideas for your styled shoots that make you creative and who you are and that's what makes makes clients want to book with you. they don't book photoshop they book you.

your unique features are what make the clients want you and what that does to you over time though It leads to burnout. So constantly feeling like my gosh. Well the Let's just get this out of the way likes and followers do not equal money Do not equal money. There are people. Yes, there's people with 30,000 plus followers who haven't had a session in six months

Autumn (42:52)
Thank you.

Megan Kozell (42:59)
I think that social media culture is also an influence in that like you see someone posting consistently where maybe you've had a really hard week and haven't Haven't been able to show up as much as you'd like to on socials this week well, that's probably because you not only have a husband and have kids and but you were at your five Family shoots, you know, so there's a lot that goes on behind the scenes. But yeah, just I mean comparison is that the

Autumn (43:21)
Right.

Megan Kozell (43:27)
of

joy. It robs more than it gives. And really being true to who you are and what you represent is so important. And I would just say honor that. Constantly be thinking of ways to make yourself different. Don't be afraid to challenge the norms. Do something that someone else isn't. If you have a crazy idea, go for it. I I love that so much.

Autumn (43:53)
Yeah, you can't be afraid to fail. Like you, I, I failed a numerous amount of times and you learn every time so that the next one you grow and that that one successful. I am little quick mini story here. ⁓ I guess four years ago now I tried to plan my first content day in styled shoot and like I couldn't even get emails back from anybody. Like no, I had nobody that was like available or

I couldn't get any callbacks for it even set a date or a venue or anything like that for it. I was like, okay, I don't know what I did wrong. Like, and I initially had this idea of like, it's me, I'm a problem. And I just, I don't know what I'm doing. Like, why am I even trying this to give up? And the next year I was like, no, we're gonna, we're gonna try this, we're gonna try this again. We're gonna do this again.

The second year, I ended up having a planner that I brought on to help me, and instead of making it for other photographers, I did it just for myself. I'd be like, can I make this day happen without any extras?

The planner helped me out so much and make the day happen and coordinate with everything with vendors and everything like that. So we got the shoot done. It was like a very private little styled shoot. And then last year was my first one for photographers. I didn't, it took off without me even having to try really hard. I came up with the concept and I was like, okay, this is what I wanna try to make happen.

And then it was like, got a few people on. And then after that, I just started getting messages in of, we wanna work with you. Hey, we wanna be a part of the day. Hey, can we join? And I sold out, I sold 10 tickets in like eight days or something. so this year, we had to move this one, cause I had some stuff, some personal things that happened. ⁓ But we're on set to have another successful content day this year. And it's like, proof is in the pudding. I'm saying at this point.

If it doesn't work at first, it's like, okay, just keep growing. You're not ready yet. It's not that you should give up. It's not that you shouldn't keep going. It's just that you're not ready yet. So keep working at it. Keep growing. Keep learning of how to do whatever that thing is And eventually it's going to pay off.

Megan Kozell (45:59)
Timing is everything. It will pay off and timing is everything. There's someone right now and like I say this to everyone like

Someone right now is watching you and they've been watching you for months and they're waiting to see what you're gonna do and just like some someone may have said you know what I wanna I want to watch and see how this style shoot goes and they saw that that was executed flawlessly without a hitch and they were the first one to book your your style shoot this time or you know, maybe it's a client that's been looking at your content since January of last year, but they're gonna get engaged

and they love your stuff and you're the first person they're gonna reach out to. So don't be discouraged. And I wanna say that to everyone, don't be discouraged. We live in a culture right now where instant gratification comes so easily, but don't be discouraged if you're not fully booked right now. There's someone out there that needs you and needs the service that you have to offer.

Autumn (47:01)
Absolutely. Like it's okay to still be growing. It's okay that if you're, you're not full time right now, it's okay that if you're part time and you still have your nine to five job, like you're hustling. That's what's, that's what the point of it is. Like you're growing, you're putting the effort in and that's, that's what matters the most. So that you're believing in yourself and you're betting on yourself. And as long as you keep betting on yourself, it's eventually going to work out.

I know we touched on social media a little bit, ⁓ but it's such a big part of our business, like we have to post, we have to do all of these things. But it does breed those comparisons and the imposter syndromes. what do you see happening there emotionally? And then what could be some signs that

we can watch for that we're pushing too hard or ignoring our mental well-being and need a pivot.

Megan Kozell (47:46)
Yeah, first I would say show up as your true self on social media. Don't compare yourself to other people or just show up how other people show up. is how burnout happens when you're not being true to who you are and what you value. Then that's it's quickly going to snowball and turn into a multitude of other things. So showing up being consistent, always say so. I actually heard that.

know it's like a quote in a conference, but it was like regardless of if you have 400 followers or 4,000 followers even 200 or whatever if That many people showed up in a room to hear you give a presentation. Would you show up? Yeah, you would They bought tickets to see you if they came to your show

Autumn (48:28)
Right.

Megan Kozell (48:34)
you would show up. So continue, it doesn't matter like what point you're at in your business, show up, show up as your most authentic self. And then if you feel like you're burning out or getting imposter syndrome, turn the dang app off. yeah, give yourself some time. Say, hey, I'm gonna go on a quick social media. I promise your business won't burn to the ground if you take a three day social media detox break.

delete the apps, we're getting to the point where it's like muscle memory where you're grabbing your phone and going to the apps without even realizing that you're doing it. You're putting it down 30 seconds later you're picking your phone back up again and it's not even intentional it's just so ingrained in your process, your daily process. So turn it off, go do something fun, go kayaking, get out in nature, read a book. ⁓

But don't let, again, that comparison be the thief of your joy and comparing yourself to someone who may be in a completely different phase of business than you are. give yourself grace. It's not fair for you to just be in the startup process of your business comparing yourself to someone who's been doing this for 15 plus years. So just be mindful of that too.

Autumn (49:52)
Yeah, I've had to do that myself. Eddie will tell me sometimes because I'll look at other people in the area or whatever and be like, man, I'm like, I'm not as good as them why does that the other and then goes let's break that down. Let's go see how how old are these people like they've been doing this for how many years. It's like you're already kind of close by, I guess. And they've got 10, 15 years on me.

He always tells me, give yourself grace. Like you're working really hard. You're doing really well for where you're at and how long you've in the industry. Stop comparing yourself to these other people. Because it's not doing anything to benefit you And he's like, you very easily could be where they are.

when you're at that level in your business, but you're just not there yet. That doesn't mean you won't be though.

Megan Kozell (50:36)
Right and giving yourself the ability to reframe those thoughts. So look at where you are now given the weight of the world that you've carried throughout your lifetime. You know people go through so much and there's a lot that we don't see behind closed doors. Look how successful you are given

life and certain things that you've had to go through. So I think that that's something that vendors need to consider too is given where they are in this current stage of life and what they've been through the trials, the trauma, the tribulations. Wow, that was a lot of T's. In all of those circumstances where they're at right now, like I imagine that thought looks completely different than what they were thinking before.

Autumn (51:20)
So we'll move on to this question. Talking about slowing down and resting, why does it feel so uncomfortable and almost shameful? Because I get that way. Like if I really do have to just go, okay, now like it's eight o'clock at night, like I've got to shut my computer down. I've got to, it's me time now. I've got to close it. Why does that feel so bad? Why does that make people feel so guilty?

Megan Kozell (51:43)
Yeah, hustle culture has killed that aspect of life for us. ⁓

Constantly feeling the need to keep going, it's that feeling when you're watching a movie You've gotten your your to-do list done and you're watching a movie and then all of a sudden these certain things Things start creeping up in the back of your head. have a gallery that needs to be done the laundry I've switched the laundry over but now I need to fold it It's all of these little tasks that keep coming up and it makes you feel guilty for taking that rest time and you shouldn't and one tip that I have for this is to make

a list at the beginning of your day and whatever doesn't make the cut does not happen that day. For example, if you have on your schedule for the day that you're gonna wake up, you're gonna go for a walk, you're gonna cook breakfast, you're gonna do the laundry, and you're gonna edit a gallery, right? So that's five things. Well, once you're done with your five things and you're resting, you're hanging out with Eddie, you're making dinner,

The second gallery doesn't get done today. The second load of laundry didn't make the cut. Mopping the floor did not make the cut. It wasn't important enough to add to your list when you first created your list in the morning time. you can, heck, you can add it to the first thing tomorrow morning on tomorrow morning schedule, but do not keep overwhelming yourself with more things to do, because that leads to poor mental health and burnout very quickly.

Autumn (53:01)
to the first thing.

I'm so glad you said that because I was like if that is one of the pivotal things that you have taught me and I have to tell myself this on a daily basis because I have to make my next day's checklist the prior night. So like before I go to bed at night I'm writing that list for the next day like okay I need to accomplish XYZ and then at eight o'clock that night

Megan Kozell (54:00)
I'm being and rest!

Autumn (54:02)
But for at least someone like me who's very much a workaholic sometimes, it's made such a difference. Like, nope, it wasn't on my list. I didn't think of it when I wrote this and I accomplished all these other things. I'm not completely useless, so I did things today and that's okay.

Megan Kozell (54:18)
Yeah, and that's okay. I think the most valuable lesson that you can learn as a business owner is that rest cannot be earned. No matter how hard you try and no matter how hard you work, you'll never be able to work hard enough to earn rest. It's not earnable.

So creating that time for yourself, creating that rest time, not overwhelming yourself with tasks and shoving your agenda full of things to do. You're doing more harm than good. So yeah, once you learn that rest is a human right and it's not earnable, able to be earned, then you've got it.

Autumn (54:57)
So last two questions here. How can vendors know when it's time for them to seek out, coping skills and coaching from someone like you, Megan? And then what are some simple practices that vendors can use to protect their mental health right now?

Megan Kozell (55:13)
Yeah, so I think that when you start to see behaviors in yourself that aren't like yourself, you don't have to wait until you're ready to give up your business in order to seek professional help.

I would say that if you notice that stress is creeping into more of a longer period of time, as I mentioned, stress is temporary. So if you've been feeling really stressed and defeated for a month, two months, that's really a great time to seek some extra support. If you notice that you're lashing out or you're not doing things that you used to love or business becomes more of a dreadful thing to do versus something that you love to do.

that's a really great time to seek support.

And again, that's why I'm here. I wanted to make create a safe space a lot of times Business owners are the sounding boards for all of their clients and their problems Oftentimes our families find seek safety in us So we carry all of that and you need a safe person to offload to a safe sounding board And someone that can help you mentally and equip you with coping skills. So That's what I'll say about that as far as tips to do for

or ⁓ self care and coping with mental health. Number one, seek professional help if you feel like that's the kind of support that you need. I would identify your values. I know that it sounds silly, but putting your values and things that you hold dearly to your heart on paper and listing them out, that's gonna help you make decisions that respect your time and that respect those values. Setting healthy boundaries and not

crossing your own boundaries. So if you set a time management boundary, you need to uphold your boundaries. So we are the worst at crossing our own boundaries. Oftentimes it's not a client or a colleague or even a family member that crosses our boundaries. It's us bending the rules that we've set. And in turn, we can be compromising to our own mental health. So setting boundaries and then again, prioritizing rest and self care.

making sure that you have some kind of rule that you do, whether it's grabbing your $7 coffee and going to TJ Maxx, whether it's going to thrift store, whether it's scheduling that nail appointment or that pedicure or that special date night with your loved one. Making that a priority is so important. So those are a few things that I think will help that I know will help.

Autumn (57:38)
you

Absolutely. And I thank you again so much for hanging out with me today and being on the show. I think as far as mental health goes, it's not as much of a faux pas, I guess, as it used to be. Like people are talking about it a lot more openly now. But I still think there's bit of, I don't know, resistance there. People are still a little bit afraid to talk about it.

It's the foundation of all of our businesses and enjoying our life and the foundation of that. It's so important that we're willing to talk about it, be open. Like I can't help other people if I'm not, if I'm not honest with myself and can say these are some of the mistakes I've made. These are some of the struggles I've had and this is how we've gotten through them. So thank you so much for being here with me today and sharing your wealth of knowledge. I hope at least one person who listens to this is encouraged and

is able to give themselves some grace ⁓ to keep growing and help themselves get better, to run their business better, or plan their wedding better.

So before we close out the show, Megan, tell us where can our listeners find you

Megan Kozell (58:51)
Yes, yes, I'm on Instagram and Tiktok on Instagram. I'm @the.balanced.boss And then on tech talk, I'm just @thebalancedboss. Follow me, DM me if you related to anything in this episode, definitely reach out. I want to hear from you. Tell me what's going on. And if you want to get involved in my world, you want to become a client, I do offer one to one coaching services. And that's really where the magic happens where clients can

come and have a safe space to receive relief from that debilitating burnout and receive that support. So love coaching, ⁓ definitely want to connect with your listeners and yeah I'm here to support you guys in any way that I can.

Autumn (59:36)
Absolutely. And I'll make sure to have links to your Instagram and everything in our show notes So you can just click that there and go immediately over to Megan's page. Thank you so much and we will see you guys next week. Bye.