The Full Stop That Wasn't

✨ Hello, I’m Fran, Your NLP & Business Coach. I’m exploring a wide range of business ideas and money-making paths, with practical takeaways you can apply.

In this episode, I'm interviewing Kezia Kecibas

Kezia is a mother of two and the chief rubber at Kelebek Holistic Therapies. She authored a candid memoir about her multiple sclerosis diagnosis, which she hid for over a decade until a moment of perceived hopelessness prompted her to come forward. 

Her writing and advocacy emphasise that honesty reveals strength and that a diagnosis is not a full stop.

You can connect to Kezia in the following ways⬇️
https://kelebekholistics.co.uk/
https://www.rosetinted.me/about/
https://www.facebook.com/kelebekholistictherapies

Find me @ www.melancholymentor.com

As a coach, I listen without judgment, understanding that others views may differ from my own.

#nlpcoach #nlpcoaching #creativity #inspiration #transformation #businesssuccess

Transcript

Welcome And Guest Introduction

Fran 0:00

Hello everyone, welcome to the Melancholy Coaching Podcast. Today, as I interviewed our business owner, frequent speakers, while exploring business building, advertising ideas, and practical takeaways. Let's night our creative potential together. Hello and welcome to Melancholy Coaching Podcast, the show that highlights different business owners and ideas. I'm Fran, your NLP and business coach, and I'm pleased to introduce an inspirational guest. Kezia is a mother of two and the chief robber at Kellybeck Holistic Therapies. She's also the author of Rose Tinted My Story, a candid memoir about her multiple sclerosis diagnosis, which is a bit of a tongue twister, which she kept hidden for over a decade until a moment of perceived hopelessness prompted her to come forward. Kezia organized fundraising and publicly shared her story, leading to a journey that culminated in a stem cell transplant in Russia in 2019. A writing and advocacy centre on the empowering message that honesty reveals strength and that a diagnosis is not a full stop. Kezia, welcome to the show.

Kezia 1:25

Hi, thanks ever so much for having me.

Writing A Memoir Through Tears

Fran 1:28

You're very welcome. For complete transparency to anybody who's been listening and watching, because this goes out on YouTube as well. I'm recovering from a stinking cold. And Kezia and I have met for the first time online, haven't we? Now we have. Absolutely. So thinking about your memoir, which chapter, if any, was the most challenging to write?

Kezia 2:07

Writing it was so hard because it was it was easier because I'd come out to the world. Basically, I hid my diagnosis. I think it turns out about 11 and a half years. So because I came out to fundraise, it was easier to actually express it. But when you put words on paper, it's very different. There's an actual print of your details and your information. So actually doing it was quite frightening, but massively cathartic. Because I'd been offered counseling when I got diagnosed with MS. And when I was like, no, no, I'm fine. I don't need any help. I'm all good. I'm all good. Because I literally was putting my fingers in my ears and not dealing with it. So to actually write it down was was hugely cathartic for me. And it's and I remember writing and I had to stop because the tears were flooding down my face because I'd never cried. Because I was like, MS, you just get on with it. And I, you know, I felt bad and I knew other people that had MS and I felt awful for them. But when it's yourself, I was just like, I'm not going to deal with it. And then suddenly I was writing down the things I'd been through. And because I'd been hiding it from the world and myself for so long, I hadn't dealt with so many things. So just writing about my experiences with MS were, you know, I I literally was crying into into the into the keyboard. But then in the same breath, I've had people actually come up to me and said, I've not stopped laughing. I've just read your book and I was expecting to be in tears, but it is so funny. Because that's how I dealt with that's how I deal with anything awful is humour. Because if you can't laugh at yourself, you know, it's just and I was going and it was so strange because it was literally one minute I was crying because I was so I can't believe I haven't dealt with this before. And the next minute I was laughing and crying tears of like just this is so ridiculous. So it was it was such an experience for me, and it was my counseling without me even realizing that's what it would be. It was, you know, and the book itself, it is funny because it is my possibly slightly sick sense of humour embedded into the book. And so many people have said to me, it's like talking to you on the couch. It's so odd because it is literally how you would speak, but in a book.

Fran 4:25

Just out of interest, had you journaled or anything like that before? Or did you just go straight into writing when you were going to write this memoir?

Kezia 4:35

Well, when I was little, when I was little, I used to write all the time. My mum would go to like the strawberry fair in Cambridge, and I would sit under and I would scribble and I'd write things. And actually, funny enough, I went to the attic and I found mountains and mountains of tight millions of stories about a guinea pig that went exploring and about a team of kids that went out. And the youngest one was called Layla, which is actually my daughter's name. So it's been like, oh, that's weird. But I I've always liked writing, and so I think it's almost it's been part of you know my journey, I guess. So I don't do as much journaling as I should, because I know that is so good to get it out of your head and onto paper. And I'd written little bits when I was in Russia, especially. I was I was in isolation, so I was on my own for a while. So I did write some bits, but it was all my writing's awful. So it was all like you have to be able to read your own writing, which is hard enough in itself. So it was always scribbled, little scribbles and little notes of things, and then I'd have to think, What have I written about here? So there are bits of scribbles that were scattered around, but probably not much of it made any sense on its own in that face.

Fran 5:43

Well, I think even that's a good idea because there's just something about getting it out of our minds and putting it onto paper, the the process of it. And I appreciate that not everybody either wants or can pick up a pen or pencil, or but typing it out works the same, doesn't it? Definitely, you know, a different sensory experience, but it's still about getting the words out.

Kezia 6:04

Absolutely. I mean, I used to do, I used to teach anger management classes, and I used to say to people, scribble it down. And for those that couldn't write, I was like, draw a picture, do anything, and then we're just gonna we're gonna get it on the paper and then we're getting rid of it, and we don't need to worry about it, it's gone. And it is that exactly as you said, getting it out of it.

Diagnosis Is Not A Full Stop

Fran 6:21

It doesn't, it doesn't necessarily need to make sense, does it? Or to anybody else? No, because it is for you. Absolutely. Thank you for sharing about that. I've got another quick question for you. So this is about a core message. So for the listeners, what core message um would you like them to take away from your story? And also about how how can they apply it to their own health or personal challenges?

Kezia 6:51

Definitely, diagnosis is not a full stop. Because as that is definitely my core, you know, because you get a diagnosis, and as humans, we think worst-case scenario, and whether it's MS or you know, it could be anything, but you hear the word diagnosis, and that is, you know, it's frightening because it happens to other people, it doesn't happen to you because we always see, but when it suddenly happens to you, it's like I couldn't handle it, and that's why I hid it. It makes it real, doesn't it?

Fran 7:21

Exactly.

Kezia 7:22

It makes it real, yeah. And it doesn't end there. You know, your life doesn't stop just because you get a diagnosis of something. You are still you, you know, that just happens to be another part of you. And I'm just developing a course at the moment, like a six-week course, just to say diagnosis is not a full stop. Because your world doesn't end. And in fact, my best friend always says my MS diagnosis was one of the best things that happened to me. And I was like, oh, that's nice for a best friend. But she said if it hadn't, we'd be sat in the pub having a drink and talking. But because you've got MS and you're not meant to be able to do things, we're going power sailing, we're jumping off a boat, we're going hot air ballooning. And so, because of my diagnosis, I go out of my way to do things that disabled people can't do, just to prove that actually I can do them. I've just done for the Leicestershire MS Therapy Center, I just jumped out of an airplane. So I did a tandem skydive, which was not on my bucket list to do, but it was raising money for the centre, and we did really well. So it's like just because you've got a diagnosis, it doesn't, your life doesn't stop. And in fact, having a diagnosis makes you look at the world differently, it makes you appreciate. And you know, I started noticing things, you know, that maybe I hadn't noticed before. And the world is so beautiful, and there are so many opportunities.

Fran 8:41

It's almost like a wake-up call, isn't it? Some sometimes it takes us to hit potentially rock bottom or you know, have something that's completely shocking or or hard to take on board for us to kind of you know come out of that. And it's it's that motivation that then pulls you forward, isn't it?

Kezia 9:02

It's so true. It's so true. It is incredible. The world changes with just a few words.

Fran 9:08

But yeah, once you I don't know if you ever come to terms with it, but you learn to manage your life around your illness or your your I should imagine that it's slightly different for everybody because we've all got different types of mindsets and we've all got our own filters and our own beliefs and things like that that are layered up, and we've all got our own fears. So, you know, and it's all generally fears are is and not meaning to minimalise them at all. I know they can be completely crippling, but fears are just it's the brain's way of keeping us safe. The brain doesn't know, you know, your brain doesn't know whether something's detrimental to you or whether it's good or positive or whatever. It just its primary function is to keep you safe and to keep you alive, so it will hold you in fear, and then those fears get bigger and bigger, don't they?

Fear, Change And Family Mindsets

Kezia 9:50

Of course they do. And the unknown is frightening. You know, change is scary, and so not having you know the exact this is what's going to happen, it is you know, everyday life that is that can be quite scary.

Fran 10:02

Yeah, well the thing is we all we all think that you know we we like change and things like that and we'll embrace it, but it's it's we can also be scared of that, and I'm just saying we because of the general human concept around it, and it's those preconceived ideas, isn't it? You know, that you just think that your life will just trundle along. Yeah, no, it's so true. My s I've got a little share for you. My um slightly different though. My son is 23, he was diagnosed with autism when he was preschool, severely autistic. And he was non-verbal, and you know, there was there was a lot of things for me to come to terms with. And I struggled a lot with my mindset around that time because although it wasn't me, it was my son, it was my feelings around that. So I kind of had struggled with those preconceived ideas that I would have a healthy child. Well, what is a healthy child? What is a healthy human being, you know? Um what's a human being meant to be? You know, and then I realized that it potentially it was about him not hitting particular milestones. And then I'm like who gets to choose what what does that mean? I know, and it just makes you go very kind of deep on you know, the the feeling the thinking about it, because I was just trying to work it out, and I must admit that and this this is something that used to cause me a lot of pain, actually. I must admit that I used to watch him and try and work out which bits were my son and which bits were the autism.

Building A Course Despite Fear

Kezia 11:35

It's it's so difficult because it's just him all encompassing. I mean, this is very different, but I used to teach parenting classes, and I remember being in a class that was in my son's school. I mean, he's an adult now, but he was playing in the playground on his own, and I do remember looking at teaching this class about well-being and everyone's different, and all saying all this, and all I could think is why isn't my son playing with anyone? Why doesn't anyone want to play with him? And I was just a slightly traumatized. I was like, why hasn't he got any friends? But actually, you know, a little while later, I realized that he is comfortable in his own skin, he is happy to do things by himself, and actually that makes him very strong, and it's just a different character, it's not my character. I like to be surrounded by people. He is so comfortable in his own skin, and I admire that. And it's we are all different and we don't fit into boxes, you know. And who chooses what is correct and what is right? And the same with your son, you know what is normal, there is no normal anymore. Do you think that you've accepted yourself? I think there will always be a part of me that thinks it's not fair. There will be, because I've got clients that I've got some wonderful clients that are doing crazy things. I was literally on the phone to my friend this morning, and I was like, they went into a crater and they went on safari and then walked all these, and I was like, I said, Oh, I wish I could do that. And she was like, Why can't you? And I went, Well, it's gonna be a bit different. She was like, You're on a safari, you're on a Jeep, you don't have to walk miles. And I was like, Oh, and I suddenly, and it was literally this morning I went, I wish I could do that. And she was like, Well, why can't you? And I was like, Oh my gosh, I have still got these things that because I can't walk miles, I can't do things, but there's things in place, there are things in place. So even now, just this morning, I was like, Oh, I wish I could, why can't I do that? But I can do that, but I just have to find a different way around.

Fran 13:30

I think I think that's it. It's it's about finding the version that you can access. Absolutely. You know, if even with me doing this podcast, like my tech is very limited.

Kezia 13:42

Yeah.

Fran 13:43

You know, I don't have a studio and things like that. I'm still determined to get people's voices out there, even if it's just for a niche audience. Yeah. That's kind of my you know, my mission with it, and I'm I'm very happy with it. And I think that things evolve over time. The more we learn and grow, the more potentially, you know, can come into helping us, can't it? You know, obviously probably not going to be able to walk that distance. However, there could be different ability aids or things like that that could that come in. We don't know what's going to be coming.

Kezia 14:19

Absolutely, yeah. There's, I mean, there's always, you know, life progresses and technology progresses and everything moves forwards. You know, it's a guarantee that things are always moving forwards. And there are, you know, in this day and age, there are ways around things. And it's just taking that first step to anything. I'm I'm the same as you. I'm a bit like, oh, technology, and it scares me, but I can manage to click on a Zoom link. I'm always a bit like, oh, is it going to work? And it it always does, you know. And sometimes I've I've said that actually, always does. I've had a couple when it's just gone pear-shaped, but it's fine. We picked it up and then we redid it, and it's it's okay. But it's always worth trying, and it's only with every step that you move forward.

Fran 15:00

I'm very much a messy and perfect action, so I just kind of have an idea and go for it. That's the best way to do anything. You've mentioned, I think you mentioned about doing a a course, making a course. So I was gonna ask you what's next for you. So is that what's next? That is exactly what's next, yeah.

Evidence Of Wins And Gratitude

Kezia 15:19

And that fills me with absolute fear. And I was talking, so I went to a mum's in business meeting yesterday, and I was like, I am petrified. And they're like, You're petrified of doing a course online with it's a one-on-one course I'm gonna be doing because it's everyone is so individual, just to basically deal with your diagnosis, you know, what can you put in place, what support have you got? You know, looking at a whole range, but it will be individually tailored. And I was like, I am so scared. And they're like, You fundraised and went to Russia, had your next skit and had a slit, sorry, and had a stem cell transplant, and you're fearful of a Zoom, well, a Google Meet course. And I was like, Yes, and they're like, That makes no sense at all. And I was like, I know it doesn't, but in my head, I was like, Oh, but it's change, it's that doing something different, and that's I am fearful, but I'm also extremely excited. I mean, the feedback has been so wonderful, and I think it's not fair for me not to share, you know, my experience because I hid hid my MS diagnosis, I hid all the challenges, my walking problems, my cognition issues. I hid everything from everyone and myself for so long. And then, you know, in my honesty, I found my power, and I want to be able to give people that power without the struggle. Obviously, that's not entirely possible, but some people that have read the book have contacted me. I had a chap, I always say there's a chap from America that said, I was diagnosed, I haven't told my wife, but I've just finished reading your book and I'm gonna tell her. And he says, because there isn't a shame, there is no shame, it's just a new part of me, and that was so beautiful. And I've had, you know, so many people say it's made a difference, even if it is a stranger. You know, lots of people have read my book and I've never met them, but they're like, it's nice to know that someone is going through something the same, and then you're not completely on your own. You know, it's it's sharing that that knowledge and the struggles and the wins as well. So yeah, I think it's time. Well, like no, no, I think I'm definitely it is time. So, yes, diagnosis is not a full stop.

Fran 17:19

You went into something slightly there, where you said that people said to you, but you've done this and you've done that, and you know, so with our fear of failure, it's our brain will look for evidence. So you know, for myself, for example, I'm very much messy and perfect accidents, so my brain has got loads of evidence of failure, loads of evidence where I've literally face planted the floor or I've just done these awful things, and I'm okay with that because I kind of take that and reflect on it and learn from it, you know, what can I do to help myself with it better? But I used to crash and burn, you know, I used to be I couldn't I didn't have the uh emotional kind of intelligence or anything like that to to be able to deal with it. So my brain looks for evidence, but equally our brain can look for evidence of success, our brain can look for evidence of wins, and it's knowing to remind ourselves of that in those moments when we think we can't look for those moments when we did, when we can, when when we you know we achieved, when we won. And it doesn't need to be a big thing, it can be a little thing. It can be getting a jar off the coffee, or do you know what I mean? Those those things that like make you feel good.

Kezia 18:35

Yeah, restructuring everything. I mean, I'm one of gratitudes. And like my daughter, I'm like, give me five gratitudes. And she used to be like, Oh, don't make me do that. And now she's like, Yeah, and she just reels them off and goes, Can I have another one? I was like, Yeah, and it's it's so good, but because it's a constant. At first it was like, Oh, don't make me do it. And I do it to my mum, my stepdad, I do it to everyone. I'm like, Go on, then give me five. And they're like, What? Oh, and then people that know me now are just reeling off the gratitudes because if I I do them, because I do them every morning, every night, it just reframes your brain. So you wake up in the morning, you're like, What am I grateful for? And you start finding, well, you know this yourself, you start finding beauty in the small things. Yeah, yeah.

Reflexology Stories And Mindset

Fran 19:12

I think um gratitude is a very powerful thing. I also think if that's combined with mindfulness, you know, that thing about keeping us in the present moment, and because in times of my my history is depression, so my main crippling thing throughout my life has been depression, disassociation, to the point that I didn't know I'd disassociated, so you know it's hard to come back from that. So mindfulness is something that really helps me, and then I started leaning into gratitude, and I must admit, initially I thought that it was just stuff and nonsense. Yes, yeah, it does work, doesn't it? Yeah.

Kezia 19:48

I mean, I do I do reflexology and doing bath science at holistic therapy, that's basically my profession. But reflexology, when I was studying it, I literally I ended up doing things by accident. So I had a young boy, and it was I was changing nappies and I was mushing up baby food, and I just wanted a break from being a mum. So the local college college offered a free child place, and they offered at the same time as the child place, I could do accounting or holistic therapy. And I said, Oh, well, I'm not interested in doing accounting, it doesn't sound fun. So I thought I'll do holistics. So I literally did the holistics just to get a break from being mum, and I was doing the massage, and then we did the reflexology, and I thought, this is ridiculous. So I'm gonna rub your feet and fix your body. And my mum's a scientist, so for me, it was ingrained science, science, science. And then I was like, this doesn't make any sense. And the first one I was like, Oh, it's your eyes or something with your eyes, and she was like, Nope, don't wear glasses, don't have lenses, nothing wrong with my eyes. And the next day she woke up and she said, I've got conjunctivitis, awful, so bad. And I was like, That's brilliant. I said, It's awful for you, but how cool! And I love that, that's brilliant. Brilliant, but awful. I'm sorry about that. And then the next one I was like, Oh, it's your intestine. She's like, My IBS is really bad, and this just kept happening, and I thought, it can't be this common. And then there was one lady that says, I want to get pregnant. Will you do reflexology? And I was thinking, Really? You want me to rub your feet and you're gonna get pregnant? Anyway, she'd had IVF a couple of times, and sadly it hadn't worked. So she was having reflexology with me, and she had it maybe a couple of months if that. And then she rang and says, Oh, can I just book in for a back massage? And I was like, Yeah, of course you can. So I booked her in and she rang me and she goes, I'm pregnant. I was like, You are, and I thought, that's not possible. And I thought it's just a fluke. And now we're on number 15, so it might be 15 flukes, and I say to people, I don't know if it's the oils I'm using, it might be the actual treatment, it might be because you want it or you really don't want it. I have some people that are like, this is rubbish. You know, it could be any, I don't care. If you're coming out of the salon, getting, you know, feeling better, but also getting the results that you're looking for, I don't care. If your mindset if it works, it works.

Fran 21:57

And if it doesn't, it's not for you. Exactly. Um and I I like that. I'm very much interested in the whole holistic approach to to humans, but combined science.

Kezia 22:08

Yes.

Fran 22:09

Yes. You know, because and I do think that a lot of it is the power of our mind. I really do.

Kezia 22:14

Abs a hundred percent, yeah. Definitely.

Fran 22:18

If you if you believe it works, then surely it's going to.

Kezia 22:21

Yeah. I said to someone yesterday, if you can't do it, you're right. If you can do it, you're right. I said what you're telling yourself is correct. So if you say I can't do that, you're right, you can't. And if you're saying I can do that, you're right, you can. And I I literally I said it in a group of ladies yesterday, and I was like, it's your choice. You can or you can't. I said, if you can, you can, if you can't, you can't. It's what you're telling yourself. If you believe it, you can. If you believe you can't, then you can't.

Bravery, Honesty And Asking For Help

Fran 22:49

Right. My mind is like literally racing now. There's so much that could be unpacked from that. However, I'm gonna wrap this up. Um but this does mean I'm so intrigued. Like, I'd love to delve into that a bit more, just the whole kind of you know, the mind power and the holistic thing. That's why I went quiet. I'm like, oh gosh, there's a lot to understand.

Kezia 23:11

I can talk forever, so I will sit on gang for time.

Fran 23:15

That's fine. So thank you for sharing your journey. Thank you so much. Offering you your insights for others to face their challenges. How do you feel just out of interest, how do you feel if anybody calls you brave? Brave.

Kezia 23:33

Do you do you think that it is brave or and then lots of people say oh you're inspirational? And I'm like, oh that's really that's that's really the way I would think inspirational, yeah. Yeah, those people say brave, and I'm like, I think you sort of have to pull up your big girl pants or your big boy pants. You just you just get on with it. I think you just have to, and I think the bravery for me is just being honest, that's it, and being able to ask for help because I was not good at asking for help. I will get on with it by myself, I don't need to ask for help. And then when it came to the doctor saying, Really sorry, nothing else the NHS can do for you, you'll be in a wheelchair by Christmas. I was like, No, I don't think so. And that was my stubborn side, absolutely not. And I was like, okay, and then I was like, I'm gonna have to ask for help, and I didn't ask for help on a small scale, I literally made YouTube videos, you can find them. Kesia, Kezia Kicks Back, I think it's called. Or and I literally shared, shared everything because I was like, I need to raise a lot of money very quickly, and it was just it was literally my honesty, and it that was the most frightening thing out of everything, even going to Russia. Being honest with myself was the most frightening thing out of all of it.

Where To Find Kezia And Closing

Fran 24:49

I think that being honest with ourselves is is generally a frightening thing. Yeah, it really is. And it's hard to do. Oh gosh, yeah, it's really good. Yeah, it is hard to do. Um, for those of you interested in Kesia and her work, so your website is Kelly Beck Holistic Therapies. And you're you've also got Rose Tinted Me as a website. So it's Rose Tinted.me and that's Rose Tinted.me, yeah. Is that to do with more to do with your book?

Kezia 25:18

Exactly. Okay.

Fran 25:20

Thank you. So if you're interested in more content like this, be sure to visit www.melancolymentor.com, follow us for the latest updates. So that's me, and you can come along and see my messy and perfect action. Until next time, stay curious, keep igniting your creative potential. And thank goodness my voice held out because this cold is just awful.

Kezia 25:40

We've done well.

Fran 25:42

Oh, thank you. See, we've both done well. Let's congratulate each other, and then our brains will have lots of evidence of wins this week.

Kezia 25:49

Absolutely.

Fran 25:50

Thank you ever so much.

Kezia 25:52

No, thank you.

Fran 25:55

Thank you for listening. I'd love for you to subscribe and visit www.melancolymentor.com for the latest updates. Till next time, stay curious and keep igniting your creative potential.