How Nervous System Dysregulation Shows Up as Control, Micromanaging, and Anxiety

Ever catch yourself micromanaging your partner, kids, or friends, certain you’re just “helping,” but left feeling anxious or disconnected? What if the urge to “keep everyone safe” actually blocks the vibrancy and trust you most want your family to feel? In this story, I unpack a real-life moment where my loving intentions swiftly turned into over-control, unraveling the hidden costs on relationships, nervous systems, and self-belief. Are you brave enough to see where you’re unintentionally dimming the people you love? Tune in for the gentle, counterintuitive guidance your intuition has been craving.

Topics Discussed:

• The surprising way micromanagement communicates “I don’t trust you” and why it makes others hide things or pull away
• Why our attempt to “help” or “nurture” can quickly become fear-driven control (and what it does to family dynamics)
• Simple steps to recognize when you’re acting from dysregulation instead of empowerment
• How to build true trust in your loved ones’ choices, even when it makes you uncomfortable
• Practical tools for moving from anxious control to being your family’s ultimate hype person

What if the most radical form of love is energetic trust, believing in your loved ones’ ability to choose, grow, and learn, even when it stretches your comfort zone? Listen in, and reclaim your power as both witness and encourager because when you align with true trust, your whole family rises.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome back to the Rooted Within Podcast. My name is Mickey, founder and CEO of Whole Family Health. This is where ancient wisdom and modern science come together. A return to wholeness, led by the wisdom that has always lived within you. All right, we are back for another incredible episode. And this one is going to be another story time. And it's a little bit of roasting my husband, but also roasting myself. Okay. It's gonna start out as I'm roasting my husband for his life choices, and then I'm going to see how this sweet man was right the entire time, and how this experience that we had actually was such a unique learning lesson for me, and something that I am continuing to refine in myself and my nervous system, the way that I operate with the very close people in my life. And overall, it was a really good experience. And I want to share it with you guys because I think you guys are going to be able to heavily relate to what this episode is about. So buckle up, grab a cup of tea, grab a cup of coffee. If you're on a little walk, let's get into it. Okay, so when we first moved to Utah, which is getting really close to two years ago, I cannot even believe that I'm saying that, but it is true. It has been a wild time here, the best time. Everyone is always like, How do you like it here? You just picked your family up and moved here and moved across the country, right? Because we were raised homegrown in Wisconsin, picked our family up. If you haven't heard this story, picked our family up. We have three kids, and we moved to Utah in a matter of three weeks. We came here, we visited, and then we got a U-Haul. We hauled our family here in three weeks, led by my intuition, and it's been the best decision of our entire lives. I truly cannot imagine still living in Wisconsin. My husband Tyler and I talk about that at least once a week, just how much our lives have been upgraded from this move and following my intuition. So incredible. So, anyways, since we've been here, Tyler has had his eye on this very strenuous hike in Utah. It is the second highest mountain in Utah. It's about a 14-mile hike, and it is just very steep, very rough terrain to get up this mountain and summit. Okay. So the elevation starts out at about 7,000 feet. And when they got to the top, it was about 11,700 feet high. So, anyways, it's a pretty good hike. Now, for those of you guys that are like mountaineers, okay, it's not that level, but we're getting there. We're getting there. And again, 14 miles. They left about four in the morning and got home about two or three in the afternoon. Okay. Just for some details. Tyler has been so excited for this hike, you guys. He has been drooling over it for the last two years, trying to find somebody to go with him. I have wanted to go with him, and it's really interesting the time frame of when you can summit this mountain because there is still snow up there right now, and it changes the game when you have snow, right? You need spikes, you need all this extra gear, axe, all this stuff. It is pretty crazy, and it can be very dangerous if you're not a very experienced mountaineer man, okay? Which Tyler is not. We're from Wisconsin. We are from flat land. Anyway, so there's this like little short window where you can really summit this mountain, and it's right now. Actually, they're a little bit early. They should have gone July, August. We're gonna go again in August. Anyways, he found somebody, his very good friend, to hike this mountain with him. And this friend has been very experienced, and he has been, you know, mountaineering, he's been climbing, he is out hunting in the mountains very frequently. He knows the mountains really well. So Tyler and him, his really good buddy, decided that this past weekend was going to be the day that they were going to hike this mountain. And I was a little nervous about it because the thing you gotta know about my husband, y'all, this is where the roasting comes in, but you'll see. I'm gonna roast myself here very shortly. My husband is just, he's a beast, okay? He does not like to be told what to do. He is very minimalism, very, very minimalism. And so we are getting close to the day of their hike, right? I'm staying back watching the kids, blah, blah, blah. We're getting very close to this hike, and like in true men fashion, they're not preparing. They don't have any plan set in place till like the day before. So I'm sitting there like, okay, what are we doing for snacks? What are we doing for water? What's your game plan? What shoes are you wearing? Because this man, he doesn't have hiking shoes. And he's looking at me and he's like, Oh, I'm just gonna wear my snow boots. And I'm like, your Walmart snow boots? That's your game plan. He's like, Yeah, they're really grippy on the bottom. And I'm like, honey, those were like $35. You bought in Wisconsin Walmart. We cannot be summiting this mountain in your freaking snow boots. What are you thinking? He's like, it's fine. It's gonna be fine. And I'm like, oh my gosh, so I'm already starting to stress a little bit, right? And y'all, I've learned this lesson. I love to have people think for themselves. I love for people to trust themselves. I love for them to have natural consequences for themselves. And I'm a little bit nervous here. Okay, so this is how it starts out. I'm like, okay, well, do you have any gear? Do you have layers? Because it's really hot when you start out because you're very low on land, and then you get really high and it's freezing, right? You're in the snow. You are in the white snow. It's cold up there. And he's like, Oh yeah, I'll just grab these wind pants and like a hoodie. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm starting to stress. And I'm like, what's she doing for food? I want to go out. I want to grocery shop for you. I want to make sure when the true feminine nurturing aspect, I want to make sure you're taken care of. I want to make sure that you're safe. He goes, I'm gonna fast. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm gonna throw up right now. I'm like getting really flustered, right? He's like, I'm gonna fast, which he does fast every single day until he gets home from work. And so it's not that big of a change for his body. But you guys, the elevation that I started out with, he has never done this strenuous of a hike. And I will say, he is a beast. He is a beast. He in Wisconsin did a lot of what they call goal ruck events. So they'd have 25-35 pounds in their backpack and he would do overnight little obstacle courses or whatever they were. Like he did one in Minnesota. Oh, this is when our second child was very little. And he started, I think, at 10 p.m. and they went until 8 a.m. in the morning. And it was just drills and like army sergeants, sparking orders. It's like these mental and physical toughness challenges with these weighted vests on you or weighted backpacks. So he has done this stuff in the past, but it's been a little bit since he's had this strenuous hike or a fitness challenge. So he's like, I'm just gonna fast. And I'm like, oh my gosh, we need to get food, we need to have everything taken care of. There's no way you're gonna be able to fast this entire hike. I'm like thinking of protein, all this stuff. So again, starting to stress a little bit, right? I'm like, what are you doing for water? He's like, I just got two bottles of water, and I'm like, honey, you're going on this 14-mile hike. You are summiting a mountain. You are going to be in this very treacherous terrain. I am starting to sweat a little bit, right? I'm starting to get a little irritated from the lack of planning. So his good friend, he's our good friend. I'm like texting him, what does Tyler need? This man is starting to act like he needs nothing. I'm like, I'm just gonna have everything prepared just in case. So his friend comes over the night before and he's going through the list, right? We know Tyler. It's like, what do you got? And he's showing him his snow boots. He's like, okay, those will work, but have you worn them enough? We should probably think of getting some other hiking shoes down the line. I went and got all this good food for the two of them, like protein bars and dried mangoes and all this stuff. And then I filled the water bladder, just had everything ready for this guy. And oh my gosh. So I was stressed. I was stressed. And Tyler just, I love him so much, but he's just so flowy. He's just so good with the flow. It's not like a lack of prepared, but it's like a sheer confidence this man exudes for everything in life, right? So I'm also thinking, could you please charge your phone the night before? And could you please share your location with me? Because we don't do that, and we don't know how to do that. And it's just never been something that we've done in our relationship. But I'm like, I want to make sure you're okay. You're gonna have no cell service. I want to make sure that you're handled on the hike, right? Oh, so these boys leave. These boys leave at 4 a.m. and everything went smooth. Tyler got a little bit of altitude sickness, and he got a little dizzy, which he did text me and I was like, should we frame this, you guys? Should we frame this? He was like, This is a lot harder than I thought it was gonna be. He said, Thank you so much for packing all those snacks. I definitely needed it because I was so nauseous and dizzy as we ventured up and I had a little bit of altitude sickness, and I'm like, Yeah, yeah, you did. You've never been this high. Oh my gosh. So he was so grateful for all the water and the snacks I packed and just everything, and he totally ate his words. So that was like reassuring. But he also crushed this hike. He absolutely crushed it. And when he got back, I made this huge salad for them, made a bunch of food. They were so sore, so tired. We just hung out with our friends all day. They came over, they ate, and we just vegged out, let them snuggle up on the couch, whatever. And then later that night, Tyler, we're about to go to bed, and I'm like, give me some more details. Give me the juicy details. What did you really think? What did you really feel? And he was like, I actually carried a 35-pound weight in my backpack, and I never told anyone about it. And I was like, Tyler Raymond, you did what? And he's like, Yeah, I just set out for this challenge and I didn't want to draw attention to it. I didn't want anyone to know, but I wanted to make sure that I still had it in me. And I'm like, up this hike, up the elevation. And he's like, Yeah, he's looking back. It was so hard. And he's like, I really thought about putting the weight down as I continued to see how tough it was and how tough the terrain was and how rocky it was and just how steep it was. And he's like, But I set out to do this goal and I wanted to do it, and I wanted to crush it, and I wanted to prove to myself, and I wanted to keep the commitment to myself that I still had it in me and that I could still follow through with my fitness goals. He was like, it was a totally a personal test that I wanted to absolutely crush. And I was just like flabbergasted. I was like, oh my gosh, I'm shocked, but I'm not shocked because this is totally you to pull some sort of shenanigans like this and just pass with flying colors. This man did not train for this event, he did not have all of these different hoops that he had jumped to be able to completely execute this hike. He just does this where he has again this confidence that he can do anything, which is so incredible and so attractive, but also he pushes himself to be better every single day. He pushes himself to do things that he didn't think that he could do. He pushes himself to be a different person and be out of his comfort zone every single day. And this is just such a testament to that innate belief that he has inside of him at all times. Now, I kind of caused like a scene, like looking back and reflecting, I was, of course, in my feminine trying to nurture him, right? Trying to be like, dude, I don't know if you're thinking this through all the way. I want you to be safe, I want you to be well nurtured, I want you to be taken care of. And of course, he was so appreciative of that, right? And he did use the things that I had prepped for him and his friend, of course, but also there was this element of him trusting himself that I was not allowing him to fully tap into. You know what I mean? There was this element of me getting into this stress mode of going, what you don't have everything figured out, you don't have anything prepped, prepared. Like I was becoming dysregulated based off his life choices. And that is, again, not very typical of me. I usually allow people to really fully take on their autonomy and go, what do you think is the best thing? What do you think is the best option? What do you think is going to feel the best for your body? And then allow them to have that learning curve themselves without me pressing into them. Because one of the biggest laws of the universe is that when we tell somebody no, and this goes for parenting, this goes for relationships and marriage, this goes for coworkers, this goes for literally anybody, any human. When you tell someone no or you press in on them to do something a certain way, they will do the opposite. They just naturally will. You guys all know what I'm talking about. When we tell our children, hey, please, you must wear the tennis shoes, they're like, No, I'm gonna wear the sandals now because you told me to wear the tennis shoes, I'm gonna wear the sandals, right? Or if we go, oh, we can't say that word, that's a bad word. What do they do? They want to say the bad word, right? It's the opposite reaction that every single one of us have when we are being micromanaged by someone else. We just want to do the opposite because what it comes down to at its simplest form is that we want to be able to feel into our own bodies and make our own decisions, right? We want to exude that self-trust we have, or even tap into the experimental, exploratory side to us where we can go, I don't know if this is the right decision, but I'm gonna find out. And then I'm gonna course correct next time, right? We want to explore, we want to experiment, we want to find out for ourselves. So when we constantly have this harping, micromanaging, controlling energy from someone else, it's a really, really big turnoff for ourselves, right? We just go, oh my gosh, I want to be able to be autonomous, I want to be able to be independent, I want to be able to make my own choices. There's a fine difference from somebody asking our opinions, asking for our advice, and us just laying it on them, right? So, for example, with Tyler as he was starting to prepare for this hike, it would have been really different if I had just said, Hey, I am coming from a place of just feeling a little worried about you. And I really want you at least to have something in your pack. So if you can take care of that or go get something that at least will sustain you, I trust you know what you're gonna need. I trust you know what kind of food to get. I trust that you'll follow through with this. That would have been a really different conversation instead of me going in and trying to control everything, right? Going in and trying to micromanage him, go in and text his friend and be like, what should we get? What should we need? I'm really worried, I'm really stressed. It was coming from a scarcity lack energy of me not trusting Tyler's body, right? Of me not trusting that he knows what he's doing. And if he doesn't know what he's doing, that he would have figured it out. So I know some of you guys are gonna be like, yeah, but this is safety. There's times that you can step in and all that stuff. But again, I would say, even with the severity of this hike, if I would have had presented it again in a different light where I was like, I trust you know what you're gonna need, at least get something that would make me feel the greatest, and then let it go and allowed him to again be his own autonomous person, try to really think for himself, he would have been much more apt to following through on that, getting something that he desired and taking care of himself. But again, instead, I had this very insecure, clutch, like controlling energy because I was feeling nervous, right? And why was I feeling nervous? Because I had in the back of my mind just very yucky news headlines of people dying in the mountains and people not being smart and people being dangerous and all this sort of stuff. It was coming from a very lack energy, which, if I had understood that in the moment and been able to separate it and been able to be like, you know what? Tyler's going on a very well-known hike. There's going to be so many hikers passing him by. He's not out in the desolate mountains where there's no other people and all this sort of stuff. And I would have been able to be like, Tyler's very physically fit. Tyler understands his body, Tyler, la di da-di-da. I would have been able to get myself into a regulated state where I could have been very secure in his choices and known with confidence that he was going to be okay. I wasn't worried about his friend. His friend is very experienced again, but I wouldn't have had that energy towards him. And because I had that energy towards him, he was really cranky with me. He was really irritated. He was like, dude, I know what I'm doing. Back off, you know, he's like, I'm not going to eat that. He just got so much more feistier in his tone with me and his energy back to me because he was picking up on that dysregulation I had. And also essentially, energetically, he was going, You don't trust me. You're not trusting my body. And one thing also to note here is that if Tyler didn't have such confidence, which is great, again, one of the best quality he possesses is confidence in his body, in his skill set, in his decisions. He's just a very secure, stable man. But you take a time even where he wasn't feeling secure and stable, or you take somebody that's not as emotionally secure and stable. And if you also press into them, like, I don't trust you, I don't trust you, I don't trust your body, I don't trust your decisions, they eventually will start to lower their confidence in themselves even more. They will start to go, like, she doesn't trust me, I don't trust me, right? I can't make good decisions, I can't trust my own body. You're empowering them to continue to outsource, outsource, outsource instead of empowering them to go, yeah, I really do know my body really well. I really do trust myself. I really do always make the right decisions, or the ingredient, which I love, is even if I don't make the right decisions, I always figure it out no matter what, right? Even if I didn't bring all the snacks and all the food, I would have figured it out. I would have had the capability, the resources, the knowledge, all of that to figure it out. I might not have gotten the result that I wanted, right? Maybe I would have gotten six miles in instead of 14, had to turn around because I felt so sick. But that would have been a learning lesson, and they still would have figured out how to get down from the mountain. They still would have figured out how to ask for help. They still would have figured out in maybe that would have been a little bit more embarrassing or a little bit more harder to do, like asking a hiker for food and having to really put your ego down and be like, I didn't plan enough for this, I didn't prep enough for this, and this is where I'm at, but do you have an extra bar for me? So they would have figured it out, or I should say he would have figured it out no matter what. So that's something really important to look at too, is when we are constantly micromanaging somebody, when we are controlling someone, when we are in that scarcity energy where we're just clutching the energy and not letting it flow and just manhandling it, choke holding it, right? We are also energetically going, we don't trust your skills, we don't trust your resources, we don't trust your knowledge, we don't trust your body. And that can be contagious, right? We talk about emotions being contagious all the time. And that can be highly contagious, where then they're going, I just shouldn't trust myself. Maybe she's right. They begin to self doubt, right? They begin to self doubt their decisions, they begin to self doubt their thoughts, their body language, what they know about their body. And again, now they go to a place of outsourcing, which when We truly unconditionally love somebody, that should not be where we're at. We should want them to feel the utmost power in themselves at all times, right? That's what we should want for our loved ones is we want them to be so autonomous. We want them to have the highest levels of self-trust. We want them to feel like they always make the best decisions no matter what. And if they don't, they figure it out. We want them to have that innate belief that no matter what, they are going to figure it out no matter what. They are powerful no matter what. They are confident no matter what. They will figure it out. And like I said, I did not exude that energy towards him this weekend. And it causes also things like him possibly hiding the extra weight that he decided to bring because he knew my energy was extremely frantic. He knew my energy was worried. He knew that I wasn't sitting in a good, emotional, stable, neutral, balanced space. So he didn't feel like he could openly be like, hey, and I'm going to push myself a little bit more. And I set this really big fitness goal for myself and I can't wait to crush it. And maybe he would have felt a lot more comfortable sharing that with me if I was in a better emotional state, right? And not just with this hiking stuff, but this will go for anything, right? The more we again have that toehold on the energy, the more people are going to close off to us and not tell us their hopes, dreams, desires, true thoughts, true feelings. And that's where we can start to dampen the connection between two people, right? You are energetically telling them you don't trust them, you don't think what they're doing is right, you don't agree with what they're doing. So what do most people do? They usually close off, they go the other way, and they start to hide things from you. Now, do I think that's what Tyler was doing in this moment? No, he knows too that if you share your goals, share your dreams, share your aspirations, that it changes the energy. So I think he was honestly doing more of that. Plus, I'm not worried he's not somebody that hides things, but I do think he probably there was an element of it, like I'm pulling a 67% of his decision to not tell me he was gonna bring the extra 35 pounds was because of my frantic energy. And with intuition, I can also sit there and go, okay, so if I was more balanced, I was more emotionally stable, I was empowering him, I was telling him that I thought he was gonna be able to do a great job and that he had everything he needed, and I was really speaking into his soul and speaking into his capabilities. I do sense that he would have been at least entertaining sharing it with me. And if he didn't share it with me, it was going to be from the energetic movement that happens when we share our goals with people. It kind of like it dissipates the power within that goal, which we have talked about before. So I do think that he would have been more apt to sharing it. And if he didn't, it would have been this very balanced soul decision of I'm not gonna tell her because I don't want to change the energy. But because I was frazzled, because I was nervous, because I was stressed, it was different, right? Big bulk of why he didn't tell me was because he didn't want to stress me out more. He didn't want me to be worried. And again, we can apply this type of scenario to anything in life, right? Any time that somebody is doing something that makes us feel uncomfortable, that makes us feel nervous, that makes our nervous system be again in that sympathetic state where you're heightened, you're not thinking rationally, you're not accessing the balanced brain, all of that, any type of situation that we feel those imbalanced feelings will cause us to control, will cause us to chokehold the energy, will cause us to micromanage the energy. And again, what that is energetically speaking to the people we are doing that to is that we don't believe in their body, we don't believe in their capabilities, and we are greatly discouraging them from being connected to themselves, right? We are really, really discouraging them instead of lifting them up and empowering them. And just as a recap, what will happen when we choose to really dig our heels in, really control all of that is the natural reaction within humans where they will go the opposite way. They'll kind of get a prove it to you mentality of see, I told you I could do it, or see, I'm going to push myself into really doing this hike completely fasted just to prove it to you, right? Not that he did that. He had some snacks. But honestly, looking back, like he does train the best when he is fasting and he knows that about himself. Did it make me feel better that he had some extra food there? Yes. Did it make my nervous system feel better? Yes. Did he really eat any of it? No. He had, I think, just I don't know what he ate to help himself feel better with the altitude sickness, but it wasn't much. I know for sure that he wasn't just sitting there munching. And again, it was me screaming, insecure, insecure, insecure. I don't trust you. I need to immediately feel better in my nervous system. So I'm gonna make sure you have all these snacks because I can't stand the feeling of being dysregulated. That's truly what happened, right? And again, when we control, control, control other people's actions, you get people within their energy that want to prove it to you and do the opposite. And then what that is, it's them making decisions from a place of scarcity, from a place of imbalance. It's not them going into their heart and soul and being like, yeah, I really feel comfortable with this. This is the best decision for me. They become imbalanced. And now their decisions are rooted in scarcity and lack. And it just becomes a whole situation. And again, that's also where people start hiding things and being sneaky because they don't feel again that you have ever expressed that you believe they are capable, that you believe in their security within body, within their decisions, within their knowledge, within their resources, capabilities, all of that. Because you have been trying to tell them to do something better for themselves than what they think is the most aligned decision. This is hard, you guys. This is hard. I am completely relearning this lesson so many times because my nervous system and what I grew up seeing as well for parent figures was a little bit of control. Now, I will say that my parents did a really great job at allowing us as children to a certain extent, a little bit older, like high school years and beyond, maybe a little middle school, where they allowed us to make decisions and then sit with those decisions, right? So I can just remember too, like this memory is coming to me. When I started drinking, like high school, I was never a big drinker. This is like the second drinking story I've told you guys. I really wasn't a partier. Like, I don't like the feeling of being drunk. I don't really even like the feeling of being tipsy because it makes me not feel like myself. And if I can't snap my fingers and feel like normal Maggie, I don't want anything to do with it. So I've never tried a drug in my life. I did drink. I did drink occasionally in high school, but I was never like a blackout girl. Like, never blacked out. No, no, no, no, no. So, anyways, I started drinking a little bit in high school. Actually, no, this was like 18, 19 years old because I had my own house. And there was one girl. We had this party, we had people over, we had music, we were playing beer pong in the basement, whatever. And there was a girl that got blackout drunk, though. She was like a friend of a friend, and she was not well in my bathtub. And I remember just looking at her, and my intuition was like, oh my gosh, she needs medical attention. Like, I need to call the ambulance. I don't like how she's looking. I was scared for her. I think that she went too far. There was some type of movement she was doing that, it wasn't like a seizure, but she was not well. And I remember going to my friends that I lived with and going, we need to call the ambulance for this girl. This isn't okay. I said, Everyone needs to leave the party, everyone needs to get rides home. And you guys can all leave. I said, I will take the underage. I don't care. I'm really worried about this girl's health. I'm really worried about their safety. And it was so funny because at the time everybody fleed. Everybody got rides home once they heard, and people were mad at me, right? They were like, she's fine, blah, blah, blah. And I was just like, I had it in my heart that she was really truly not okay. And I was very scared. And so there was like some tension, whatever, but everyone decided to leave. Not one person stayed with me. Everyone left the house besides me and this girl. And I called the ambulance and I got an underage. And I remember calling my mom and dad, I don't know, like one or two in the morning and being like sad, right? I was like, could you guys come here? I'm really scared. I'm gonna call the ambulance on this girl. And both my parents came and sat with me. They watched me blow in the breathalyzer. They watched the cop uh give me an underage ticket. They watched all of it. And they literally had nothing to say besides, we're so proud of you, we love you so much, we're so happy you called. We would never be mad about a situation like this, right? But I dealt with the consequences, right? I paid a big fine. I went to underage drinking classes. I had a natural consequence for my action of hosting a party and somebody taking it too far, which by the way, she took an ambulance ride to the hospital and she was super sick. She was really far gone and she had alcohol poisoning, and it was the best decision. I still to this day really thank my intuition because she's my number one gal. And I just could not imagine. There are moments in my life, I know I've talked about before, where I have a pit in my stomach and I know the right decision. And it's like I immediately need to make it, or I'll throw up, or I'll have some sort of like visceral reaction. Thank you, intuition. She has to get to that point sometimes with me, especially in my younger ages. But she needed to be in a hospital. So it was the best decision. But again, my parents in those high school and on years, they really did a phenomenal job with letting us sit in our choices and not having reactions. I think back to some of the stuff that I told my mom, like, I'm gonna go out and do this. She had to have been biting her tongue. And she was like, You're gonna what? Do you think it's the right choice? And I was like, Yeah, I really do. I wanna experiment with this or I wanna do this or that or the other thing. And she would just be like, Okay, just know that this could happen after. And I'd look at her and I'd be like, Okay, yeah, I'm gonna think about that possibility. But she was never like angry, reactive, no, you can't do this, right? If she was like that, I think my personality truly would have been like, I'm gonna do it anyways, right? How many of us in our teen years were like, yeah, whatever. Now that you said that, I'm going hard in the other way, right? And I think though, as when I stated earlier that I learned some of that control behavior, I think that came a lot from just earlier years, not necessarily like as teen and young adult, where I had to make choices and sit with it. They were good with that, right? Like I'm very blessed that they had that type of mentality and I hope to carry that on with our kids. We've talked extensively about that. It was more of just I early on in marriage, and I've talked about this being very much in my masculine, wanting to direct things, wanting to control, because I had a lot of my dad's energy in me. I was linked up to my dad energetically, and I just felt frazzled when I wasn't controlling situations, especially getting into young motherhood and being like, nope, this is what I want to do with my kids. I had such a chokehold where I really wasn't great at allowing Tyler to say his piece and to say his innate thoughts and to say what he really wanted to do. And it has taken our marriage a really long time to get to this space where I, like I said, could have had a realization this weekend, being like, yeah, I could have handled that a lot differently. I don't think that would have even been on the slightest on my radar like a decade or more ago, right? We've been together 16 years now. I know I would not have thought about it. I know that if this situation would have happened 10 to 15 years ago, I would have been yelling, I would have been arguing, I would have been crying, I would have been a mess, I would have been going, you shouldn't go at all. I would have been unhinged. I would have been unhinged. And I handled it so much better this weekend. Obviously, I've made so much strides and I was just like, oh, I'm gonna go get you snacks, right? And dealt with his little bit of an irritation towards me. But it just would have been such a different story had I not had the regulation tools, the intuition, all of that to understand how the communication and conversation needed to go. Yet I can look at myself and go, next time I can handle that even better, right? So I've come so far. I'm so proud of myself. See how I'm not beating myself up, I'm not shaming myself, I'm not going, gosh, Maggie, you should be better. You should be further along. You should use your intuition for the none of that. It was just a reflection. It was a pondering moment after because there was no fight, right? Like there was no big blow up, there was nothing. It was just me at the end of the day having them come home. I made them a huge salad, had the baguettes, I made the prettiest meal for them. I was so proud of them. But it was at the end of the day going, you know what, he had this all along. He had this, he understood his body. He's a smart man, he's with a very experienced hiker and mountaineer man. He fully had this, and it wasn't that he said literally anything to me about it, but it was me upon reflection going, I could have handled that differently. I could have shown up differently, where I was in a complete state of encouraging him and cheerleading for him and being rooted to the fact that if he thinks he's got this, he's got this, right? And so again, it was just like the end-of-the-day reflection where I was noticing the behavior pattern in myself and then was able to talk to him about it afterwards. And he was like, Yeah, no big, like he didn't think anything of it, but he appreciated the reflective piece of myself. And I think it's so easy, you guys. It's so easy to want to calm our nervous systems down through micromanaging others. It's so easy to want to control others. It's especially when we have those patterns in our DNA and in our cells, and it just feels really comfortable and normal to us, right? I will be the first person to admit that growing up and early on in our marriage, I could cry. I had so much health anxiety, so much, what if he gets cancer? What if he dies? What if he gets in a car? I would sit and, oh my lord, fixate on that shit. I would visualize him in a car accident, dying, and me being like five minutes into the daydream and being like, what am I doing? I'm sad right now. I just went through his funeral in my brain and like this bro sitting at work. He's fine. But I had such a dysregulated nervous system. I would let my thoughts spiral. And the only way that I knew how to calm it down and to course-correct those yucky feelings was to control, was to immediately micromanage him to make me feel safe instantaneously, right? It was like if I take control of this, if I think of every single thing that could happen and make sure that I'm prepared and planned for it, nothing bad can happen, right? So, what would I do? I would control every facet of what he was doing because that's how I got my nervous system back into a space of safety. And it was so interesting this weekend to see myself kind of slide back into that with this hike and going same thing, right? I've seen all these headlines of inexperienced hikers dying. And every single summer since we've been here, you see the worst of the worst and people drowning in the lakes and hikers dying and hikers being dehydrated and the helicopters having to come in and rescue hikers, and you can get very paranoid and panicked and spiral into that anxiety if you don't catch it fast enough. And that's what I did. I went down into that rabbit hole and I didn't catch it in time, right? I didn't catch it and go, Whoa, Maggie, is this your reality right now, or are you in a daydream about something you read a year ago? Right? Are you in the reality? What are the facts? The facts are this man is very fit, right? Your husband is very fit. He has shown you time and time again that he can push out 20 miles. I don't know how he does it. It's actually a kind of annoying quality, but he can push out 20 miles and not train for it. He just has the mental discipline, he has the mental endurance, he has the physical discipline, physical endurance to be able to do that. So again, had I looked at the facts, I would have been like, yeah, he's really physically fit. He's really good with mental discipline. He has the mental endurance. There's no telling him nothing. That's why this man decided to put 35-pound plate into his backpack and hike up a freaking steep ass mountain. That would have been the facts. The other facts would have been he is with one of his best friends here who has had years in the mountains that knows what he's done, that knows what he's doing, that has hiked this mountain before and this trail before, and it's going to be okay. He's with the best, most caring hands possible, right? That would have been the facts. Other facts would have been other people are going to be on this trail, right? You're not doing this in the dead of winter, in a horrible condition, blah, blah, blah, blah. There's going to be people coming up and down this trail. There's going to be people around him, right? So those were the facts, but I allowed my mind to spiral. I allowed my mind to get into a what if he dies state, which is anxiety. It is micromanaging, it is control, and it is a dysregulated nervous system. That's what it was at the end of the day, right? His friend had snacks. He could have easily given him snacks. He could have given him some water, right? There were ways that he would have been able to take care of himself if I did not butt in and try to control everything. So, all that to say, you guys, it was such a good continuation of learning, learning, learning, learning. I'm always learning about myself. I'm always seeing my patterns creep back in. And guess what? I'm also really freaking proud of myself because I had that realization. And what normally would have been like a four or five day argument for us, and getting really hasty, and him being really upset with me and me being really upset with him, and this whole drama fest would have been our prior pattern. It was a really swift, I've got this. I'm gonna go get you snacks, right? And I'm gonna just gonna pack them in your backpack. And him being like a little annoyed with me, right? But not crazy annoyed. He was just like, dude, Maggie, I'm fine. I'm fine, Maggie. And I'm like, okay, yeah, I got that. But it was just like this non-issue, right? And it was this really beautiful reflection at the end of the day, going, man, I energetically, really truly, when I look at my actions, when I look at my behavior, I really truly, energetically told him I didn't trust his body. And it wasn't that he had to tell me that or he felt insecure about it or anything, but that's what it was at the end of the day. At the end of the day, it was I don't trust your body, I don't trust your choices, I don't trust your decisions, and now I'm anxious about it. And when I look at that from a different lens, when I take a step back and I'm balanced now and the event's over and my nervous system is regulated and blah, blah, blah. I see that's what I was energetically saying. And that is the last thing I ever want my husband or loved ones, family, friends, children to feel from me. Right? You guys know I'm like the ultimate hope. You guys know I am the ultimate hype girl. I will hype you up, I will love on you, I will tell you you're powerful, I will tell you I believe in you till the day I die. That's what I want to be known for. That's what I want my reputation to be. Is no matter what decisions I make, no matter what crisis I'm in, no matter where my health's at, no matter what, Maggie's there for me. That's what I want my reputation to be. And this weekend was just another little test or upgrade for me to see when peeling back the layers that I wasn't that for him. And it's okay. And I'm not gonna beat myself up over it, but I'm just gonna know for next time. I'm gonna be better at looking at him and with my energy, with my words, with my physical body, going like you do you, babe. If you think that snow boots from Walmart are gonna be okay, I trust you. I trust your decisions. Because guess what? He could have literally gone a mile and been like, this sucks. I'm coming back. He would never, but he could have, right? If he was unsafe, if the footwear he decided to wear was not going to make him up that mountain, he would have gone down. He would not have tried to continue going up. And I could have him being like, I plan to fast. I could have been like, Yeah, I trust your body. You really do fast every day. Maybe you could think about getting something if you feel lightheaded, but it's up to you. I trust your body. It just would have given him a lot more confidence and security. And like I said, he's already stable, emotionally stable, secure, and confident that at that point it wouldn't have tanked him. But if he had been in a different mental state, if he had been in a different mood, a different energy where he was feeling a little bit more insecure, where he was nervous about the hike, where he was anxious and not feeling as secure in himself, because we all have those days and moments where we ebb and flow between confident and not confident. I could have really done some damage. I could have really laid on my emotional insecurity. And maybe, who knows, maybe if he was not feeling confident and secure, maybe he would have been like, dude, I don't know if I want to do this hike anymore. I would have taken that dream and kind of propelled it to be crushed or played a part in it being crushed because of my own dysregulation. So just things to think about. I think if you take anything away from this podcast episode and me just being so TMI with all of you and just laying it all out there, I think it would be try to be the ultimate hype girl, or if you're a man, ultimate hype man for people. And how do you do that? You notice, you notice when you're controlling, you notice when you're trying to micromanage, you notice your own patterning. You notice when you're dysregulated and trying to orchestrate the situation. That's step number one. Just noticing. Noticing, man, I'm really upset about this. Man, I'm really trying to hyperfixate on this. Man, I'm really into trying to make him make a decision that appeases my nervous system. That's step number one. Awareness always is going to be step number one. And then step number two truly is balancing yourself out, right? Getting back into emotional balance so that you can see the situation at a 30,000-foot view and really see the facts, right? Like I told you the facts. I wasn't seeing the facts. I was seeing emotional dysregulation. I was seeing anxiety. I was seeing scarcity. I was seeing lack. So getting yourself again back to that state of balance and going, okay, what are the facts here? From a neutral state. What are the facts? And trying to get yourself back to that place of no matter what you decide, I'm here for you. I'm excited for you. I know you're going to figure it out. That's unconditional love. Unconditional love is allowing each and every single person around you to make the most aligned decisions, to make the most balanced decisions with where they're at. Even you guys, even if it's not the right choice, even if they come back and they go, man, that sucked. They're gonna learn for next time, right? They are going to choose a different option. And guess what? It's going to be a bigger learning lesson for them because they got their hands in there, they got their hands dirty, they experienced something, and they will never forget that. We just try to take every single chance and obstacle and opportunity and try to fixate on it and try to control it when sometimes the mistake is what was needed. The failure, quote unquote. There is no such thing as mistakes and failures, but in society, we like to call it that. Like the lesson was needed. They needed to experience that, they needed to feel that, they needed to see the misjudgment they had in themselves because every single time you misjudge something, you learn more about yourself. You learn and think back and activate old memories and go, oh, last time I did this, it kind of felt like this. And I'm going to choose differently this time. But we're taking those experiences from our loved ones when we try to control, when we try to micromanage, when we go, oh, nope, I know better. I know more about your body than you do. We take those experiences from them and we hinder their growth. We do. We hinder their growth, we hinder their connection to their own body and soul. We go essentially energetically, we don't trust your intuition, we don't trust your decisions, we don't trust your capabilities. We are energetically saying that to them. And it's a very, very fragile line to walk because you get somebody that's not feeling strong and capable, and you completely derail what they were trying to set out to do. Along with other things, right? Like I told you before, could start hiding things, could start not opening up and sharing with you just in general. Maybe my husband would have wanted to go, hey, Megs, I'm gonna try this 35-pound weight in my backpack. Like I'm so excited for this fitness goal. I've been thinking about it for two months. I can't wait to see if at 38 I can still do this. I can't wait to push myself. I can't wait to get into the uncomfortable growth. Maybe he would have been super excited in wanting to share that with me. So we close opportunities for connection with them. We close growth for them and with them. And overall, we just want to be the ultimate hype girl or ultimate hype man. We want to always be exuding from our body. I love that you trust yourself. I love that you're so connected to your body. I love that your intuition is so strong. I love that you have these instincts. I love this experience for you. And again, surrendering and letting go that we have to manhandle it. We do not have to manhandle other people's experiences. How many times in our own lives have we needed to make the wrong decision to move forward in growth, to become a better person, to become the better version of ourselves? Like I shared with that underage drinking story. I learned so much within that story, right? I learned how amazing my intuition was in that I was really freaking spot on. I learned about peer pressure and everyone telling me not to do something and the leadership quality I had within me to be like, no, I don't feel good about this. I'm doing it anyways. I learned about who my true friends were at that time by the fact that nobody stayed with me. Nobody was into it. Everybody was like, peace out. I'm not doing that. Right. I learned the grit and determination within myself. I learned about my relationship with my parents. I learned that no matter what, they were always going to stand by my side and they didn't give a rip if on paper I had this on it, because they knew that above all else, my heart and my intentions were good and they were proud of it. There were so many learning lessons. And had I had somebody chokehold that energy from me, I wouldn't have called my parents. If I felt like they were gonna control me and micromanage me, scream at me, yell at me, be disappointed in me, that would have been a closed door. I would have had to handle that situation by myself, and who knows if I would have had the strength, honestly, to call the ambulance. Maybe I would have been chickened out. Maybe I would have looked at all the other people at that party and been like, dude, it's one to 20 people, right? Maybe they're all right. I would have maybe doubted myself. And that could have gotten really ugly, right? And so that gift they gave me was like six learning lessons. And I never got an underage drinking again. I could spot alcohol poisoning. Like I said, I never put myself in that position ever again. But I sure did learn a lot. And again, if they would have controlled that, I would have been gypped of that life experience. So just think of that as you're going out into this week. Like, where am I trying to control? Where am I trying to micromanage? And the root of it is because I'm dysregulated within self. The root of it is that I'm sitting in anxiety. The root of it is that I don't trust them. And how can I get back into a state of balance and allow these loved ones that I have to have autonomy, to have independence, to have a strong intuition, to have a strong connection to their selves. That's what I want you guys to brainstorm as we head into this week and sure take my story, me and Tyler's hiking story, and just reflect, just reflect on it. And some of you guys might not be there, right? Some of you guys are just going to be in the stages of I'm just sitting in awareness. I'm sitting in awareness and I'm trying to kind of see how I do this in life. You might not be at the same stage that I was at this weekend, where I was able to reflect and I was able to dissect the situation and kind of see where I had old patterns popping up and showing up again. But just see what you can take, see the gold nuggets that you can take from this episode. I would love to hear your thoughts. I'd love for you guys to join our email list. We do live events every single week. We do QA's where I use my trained intuition to help you guys out. Body symptoms, parenting, we talk about relationships, we talk about reflections, how you end up in certain situations and circumstances. We talk about growing our wealth and businesses and careers. So we really do go through it all, but you have to be on our email list so that you know when we are hosting these live events. So go ahead, go to the show notes, get on our email list. We will see you guys if you decide to pop on live and we will get all your questions answered and we can even discuss this a little bit further. I love to have these discussions with you. I love to hear where your guys' hearts are at. So simply email in, we will get back to you, and this is what we have for you this week. I hope you guys enjoy the rest of your week and we will chat very, very soon.