When Your Mind Turns Against You as a Man with Galel Fajardo

At 22, Galel Fajardo had everything most men chase—success, money, and a new marriage. But internally, he was battling anxiety, panic attacks, and depression that nearly cost him his life.

In this episode, Whitney Sewell sits down with Galel to talk about how God met him in that lowest moment—and how that experience transformed the way he thinks, leads, and lives.

Today, Galel helps high-performing men build systems that create peace instead of pressure. This conversation exposes the hidden struggles many men face and offers practical steps to regain clarity, discipline, and purpose in faith, family, and business.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I was making more money than I'd ever seen in my entire life. And I was 22 years old and I was just so overwhelmed, so just like gripped by panic, by fear, anxiety. And I began to feel that anxiety because I had no systems in place. I had no systems for managing my calendar, managing my time, managing my resources. And I was flying by the seat of my pants every single day. So I had a life insurance policy of over a million dollars. Look, if I end my life after paying off the house, Emily can start over with a man who doesn't have the problems that I have. And so I was at the edge of my balcony, ready to jump off, because I've been there. I've been to the depths and God rescued me.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

Welcome to the Courageous Men Podcast, where we help Christian men follow God faithfully, love their families well, and build a legacy that lasts. And now your host, Whitney Sewell.

SPEAKER_02 0:59

Welcome back to the Courageous Men Show. Today's guest is a man I've come to deeply respect, both uh professionally and personally. Galel Ferjardo. He's a high-performance business coach, consultant, and a performance psychologist who works closely with elite performers to help them reduce stress, right? Lead with clarity and build lives that actually feel aligned. He helps leaders implement structure, discipline, and systems that bring peace instead of pressure. I've personally benefited from his coaching and perspective. And but what you know makes Galil's story especially powerful isn't just what he does now. It's where he's been. And at just 22 years old, you know, newly married, Galel hit a breaking point and marked by anxiety, depression, and deep shame. And a season where his life nearly ended. And it was in that place of brokenness that Jesus met him and began reshaping everything from the inside out. Today, Galel's a husband, a father, a man of faith who speaks honestly about mental health, masculinity, discipline, and what it really means to live like the Spirit of God is alive in us. Today we're talking about what happens when Christian men stop just believing scripture and start living like it's true. Galil, welcome to the show. I am honored to have you as a guest.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

Whitney, I'm honored to be on your show, man. This is awesome. It's been a long time coming, so I'm glad to be here.

SPEAKER_02 2:31

It has been a long time coming. I I've I have enjoyed getting to know you and be coached by you and just the discussions we've had. So I'm I'm really looking forward to this and even learning more about your background and and uh the guests or the listeners learning from you as well. So I I want to go right back to the season when you were 22. You know, I know you were newly married, you were overwhelmed, you're you're maybe struggling just deeply in in many ways, right? But maybe help us just understand what was really going on inside that led you to such a breaking point.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

Yes. So I was 22 years old. My wife and I had got married when I was out of college. So I always point out that she is a cradle robber. She, you know, she's older than I am by a year and a half. I always point that out when I have the chance. And so she'd already been in the working world. I was in college, and as soon as I graduated, we got married. So graduated from college in June, bought our first house together in July, got married in August. So we went through this weird phase in the month of July where we would call our friends and say, Hey, we're gonna be at our condo that we own, but we will not be spending the night there. And so we would go there and build IKEA furniture and then go back, go to our separate homes because for us it was it was a big deal to, you know, save ourselves till marriage. And so we did that. We did it the old school way. And things were great. The first year of marriage, they say it's the hardest. It was a great first year of marriage, not without challenges. And then come year two, I was making more money than I'd ever seen in my entire life. I was in the mortgage business. I was had months where I was making$15,000 a month,$20,000 a month. I remember$60,000 a month. I$56,000 that I had made in a month. And I hadn't seen that kind of money before. And I was 22 years old, and I was just so overwhelmed, so just like gripped by panic, by fear, anxiety. I was at one point, Whitney, I was afraid to leave my home. And I was just having these constant panic attacks. I've woken up in the middle of the night with panic attacks at two, three o'clock in the morning. And that anxiety turned into depression. And that depression turned into some very, very deep, dark thoughts where I realized my brain was telling me, Galel, you know, Emily made a mistake by marrying you. And I'd now, in hindsight, as a 43-year-old, realized that was the enemy speaking to me, right? Just throwing lots of lies my way. And I had made a wise decision at the time to have a life insurance policy. So I had a life insurance policy of over a million dollars. And I looked at my life as a math problem. And I said, look, if I end my life after paying off the house, Emily will have this much money left over. She can start over with a man who doesn't have the problems that I have. And so I was at the edge of my balcony, ready to jump off, just contemplating it and just thinking about it. And something inside me, which now looking back, that something was the Holy Spirit, told me, let's come back inside because Emily's gonna see this and she's gonna be traumatized the rest of her life. Let's do this a different way. So I went into the house and began to sob. And that's when my wife came home a few minutes after that. And I just said, I'm I'm in a rough place. I really need help. And by the grace of God, and doctors and counselors and pastors and dear friends, I got through that season. We got through that season. It's really, really rough on your spouse, seeing your spouse who doesn't want to get up in the morning and just wants to lay on the couch. And I'll tell you, I'm in a much better place now. And during that season I of anxiety and panic and depression, I kept saying, why? Why are why is this happening to me? Why, why, why? And that in hindsight, I'm looking back now, like you know, over 20 years later, going, Thank you, Lord, thank you, thank you, thank you for letting me experience that. Because now I can come alongside men and women in my work as a coach and help them when they're experiencing some tough times. Because I've been there, I've been to the depths and God rescued me.

SPEAKER_02 6:44

Wow. It gives me chills thinking about just the the goodness of the Lord there, right? To protect you from that. Amen. I mean, for you and your wife, your family, your kids. I mean, just this, oh wow, all the people that you know he's using you now. And and you'll you'll never know the eternal impact of that, right? Uh maybe, maybe one day.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

I I I hope one day I get a glimpse, but the the way, the way I just approach it now is Lord, just use me. You know, you use me however. If if I have to be vulnerable on a podcast and share my story, and I've never told it in that detail. This is the first time. There's gonna be people that see this, that know me, that have never heard me describe this in detail. I've alluded to it, but I've never gone to the exact description of what I was going to do. And I just I I feel like, you know, I just I have to share my story because I think that there's other men out there. I know there's other men who are dealing with these things. And number one, it's it's it's okay to have those feelings, and it's okay, there's nothing inherently wrong with you at all, but you need to tell somebody and we need to talk about it. And and more importantly, you know, don't make permanent decisions based on temporary feelings because that's what it is, right? It's just it's temporary feelings, and there's a lot of ways of being able to get people help, and and we really need to destigmatize mental health and and allow people to get the help they need.

SPEAKER_02 8:07

Just to go a little bit deeper there, slightly, you know, you you talked about making more money than you'd ever made before. I mean, it was just like overwhelming. What was overwhelming about it? Like, what would you say were some red flags when you look back on it now that you, you know, maybe you should have seen or others maybe, maybe should have been looking for as a friend.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

Yeah, and and let me just unequivocally say this there's nothing wrong with making a lot of money. There's nothing wrong with that. However, it changes the problems that you have in life when you have more money. A lot of people think money's gonna solve all of your problems. It doesn't solve all of your problems, right? I I know many men who are multimillionaires that are dealing with trouble in their marriage, trouble with your their children, trouble with their health, right? We're always going to have problems. Money helps solve a lot of problems. It's a resource. We can fund missions trips with it, we can build churches with it, right? And I would encourage men like, how am I using my money to honor God? But truly, I think that for me, having a lot of money, I didn't have a target. And so I was at 22 just saying, more, more, more, more. I just need more of it. I don't know how much I need, I just need more. And so I kept going with this more, more attitude. Whereas I would have really benefited from having somebody alongside me to tell me, okay, let's set some goals for you. How much do you want to give away? How much do you want to invest? How much do you want to save? And what are you going to do strategically to reinvest back into yourself? I was just thinking more and more and more. And I began to feel that anxiety because I had no systems in place. I had no systems for managing my calendar, managing my time, managing my resources. And I was flying by the seat of my pants every single day. So I would wake up and just everything was on fire and I was needed everywhere. And I had no way of being able to manage that. And now, knowing what I know today, I'm able to thank the Lord, have money, have plenty of it, and also have the time freedom that I want. Are there bad days? Absolutely. Are there days where I go, oh man, what did I sign up for? Absolutely. However, how great of a place to be put in. My coach just reminded me of this just last week. How great of a position is it to be in to get the things that you've prayed for and have increased responsibility? What a great problem that is to have. And so now I teach business owners those systems so that they're not overwhelmed, so that they don't feel that pressure that I once felt at 22 with a successful business.

SPEAKER_02 10:51

Yeah. So I want to get into some of those systems in a moment for sure. But as you're like really going through some healing there, right? And uh in moving forward, what changed first? Was it like thinking? Was it habits, your identity? Like what happened then to like help you see a path forward?

SPEAKER_01 11:06

Yeah, it was a change in my thinking. Behind me, for those of you that are watching this, I've got a shelf with hundreds of books on it. And I've got shelves that you don't see. And those shelves are filled with good books that help me change the way that I was thinking. And so what happened was I kept everything inside my head, and I was always defaulting to doom and gloom scenarios. I had developed this as a coping mechanism where I, if if I thought about the worst situation, maybe that won't happen to me. Right. And I'll tell you, I lived through the worst case scenario. Eventually, you know, I didn't share this part at the beginning here. I lost all of my money in 2007, 2008. My wife and I lost everything. So we had to declare bankruptcy. We lost the home that we had purchased as newlyweds, all of our investments, all of our savings gone. And I went like a year without paying any one of my bills, and I survived. So I was taken from like the heights of the heights down to the lowest of the lows, and I survived it, right? And so all of these events that happened helped me change my thinking. So we need to notice the patterns and how we're thinking. And I noticed that the pattern of thinking was always, what can I do to solve my problems? When all the while I have my father who's with me the entire time, right? I've got the Lord who's there ready for me to take on challenges and get give me answers, and I'm just ignoring it, right? I'm calling myself a Christian by name, but not acting as a Christian by what I was actually doing. And so when I learn to change the way I was thinking, not have to try to pretend like I'm Superman and realize that I've got the Holy Spirit dwelling inside me. Guess what? You are unstoppable. The literal power to raise the dead resides in you. The power that resurrected Christ lives inside you, and yet we live by fear. And so for me, the book of Matthew became just this book that I kept going to during really tough times, specifically Matthew chapter six, because it talks about Jesus is is teaching about how you should not worry. Do not worry about what you're to eat or drink. Like God takes care of the birds. Aren't isn't your life more important than the birds? And what was great was kind of a road trip that began to kind of like cap the season or or or lead us into the season that we're in now, which was like, hey, we've made it far. We've made it very far. We're not yet where we want to go, but we've really made it far. We took our family on a road trip through Provo, Utah, and which is where BYU is, right? And there's this bookstore, this used bookstore called Moon's Rare Books. And they said, Hey, you know, we've got this Bible. It is a, in fact, I pulled it off my wall for this. Okay, so this is a 1613 King James Bible. They said, Hey, do you have a favorite verse? And I said, Actually, I love the book of Matthew, specifically Matthew chapter six. And so we went, we found, and sure enough, they had that page still available. And so they cut it out and put it on this frame, gave me this certificate of authenticity, and it was printed just 42 years after the first King James Bible in London in 1611. So this is a 1653 Bible, and that became my mantra was do not worry, do not worry, give it up to God. Aren't you more important than the animals that he feeds every day? And that changed my my thinking changed, then my heart started to change, and then my faith started to change, where I realized I can tap into the greatest power of the universe, the creator of the universe who loves me and calls me son. That is where my power is now. Not in accolades from people and not in anything else. It's that is where my power rests.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

Why do you think so many Christian men would say they believe that verse, right? But but don't live like it's true.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

Because society has sold all of us a fake bill of goods. Society's job, and I say this as a marketer, right? My background is in marketing. As a marketer, my job is if I'm selling product A, I need to make somebody discontent. I need to make them feel like they're missing something without product A. Now, product A may be a great thing for them, but I still have to create discontentment in what their current situation is for them to purchase it. If I want somebody to hire me as a coach, I need to help them see how the current path isn't working well. Now, the thing is, though, is that today's marketers here in the United States are dealing with hundreds of millions of dollar budgets that and algorithms that know what you're thinking, you know, based on your activity and who you're around and all these things. And so they can target things at you, and we're human. And unless we like just wake up putting on the armor of God as we're called to do every day, guess what? We're fighting a battle out there, and the enemy will come for you. Like, and so that that to me is why so many Christian men succumb to the counterfeit that exists out there. We see it in the number of Christian men that are still addicted to pornography, that still have habitual gambling problems, that have drinking problems, problems with marijuana now that marijuana has been decriminalized, right? I can't begin to tell you how many men are good men are dealing with these problems and then just throw in like validation and and self-worth. And so you end up scrolling more than you want to and all that. We're being sold a fake bill of goods and we're buying it. That is why good Christian men are not living in the power that we actually have.

SPEAKER_02 17:04

Yeah, I think this is probably related, but you know, I know you work with you know many high-performing entrepreneurs and who look super successful right on the outside, but often exhausted on the inside. Maybe you can speak to some of the similar patterns there. Why do driven men, you know, they struggle so much with like just slowing down and and asking for help, you know, as well. But you know, just speak to you know, why why won't we ask for help? What is that about? You know, but and and even that dynamic of hey, we look successful on the outside, but man, on the inside, we're we're a disaster.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Yeah, so I mean, I think a lot of it stems from programming, you know, like like again, so my background is I I went back to school and got a master's in performance psychology. So I've got this psych degree that basically at the end of my graduate program, I realized, wow, childhood can really make or break a human being. And so, and it was very No pressure, parents, no pressure, mom and dad, no pressure, no pressure whatsoever. But the fact of the matter is that you can take two kids from the same household, and one can end up being very successful, one doesn't. You can take a look at very successful people and see that, oh, they had a great upbringing. Wow, this person had a horrible upbringing. And so the story that I the the the you know analogy that I give people is that there was a father who had two sons. Okay, it was an alcoholic father. Alcoholic father had two sons. One son became an alcoholic because he was raised by an alcoholic father. The second son never drank because he was raised by an alcoholic father. And so, understanding the context of that, right? The fact that our upbringing can make or break us, and what we choose to believe in and what we choose to put our focus and attention on can make a massive difference for us. Okay, so we have to understand that, right? And so what happens is for us, especially men who are growing up, what do we hear? What's the mantra we always hear? Hey, come on, big boys don't cry. Come on, suck it up. Hey, what are you doing? You know, crying, what are you trying to be a girl, right? Oh, you throw like a girl, like just like these types of phrases that I get it. I've said them before. Those things become programming. And so again, we have to look back at generations and what men in previous generations went through and experienced, and how those experiences shaped our fathers and having grace for our fathers and our fathers' shortcomings, just as I hope that one day my children will have grace for me and all of my shortcomings as a father, right? And so it's generational. My dad, he and my mom had me, he was 21 years old when I was born. And I asked him, Dad, how did you know how to be a dad? He goes, Son, I had no idea. I was guessing by the grace of God, right? And so we can choose our trajectory by do we choose to blame or do we choose to, you know, take this as information and move forward with it. Young boys, a lot of them we teach to be the tough guy, don't cry. Hey, come on, you can do it yourself. If they ask for help, we scold them for asking for help, right? And then we also grow up looking up to superheroes, right? Superman, he was Superman. Of course he could do it himself. Batman, yeah, he had Robin, but wasn't really like, you know, Robin wasn't really like a stud superhero. Nobody really wanted to be Robin, right? Like all these superheroes we look at, it's the guy. And, you know, those of us who watch sports, you know, same thing. You know, we think about stud players, you know, I think about Michael Jordan, like what a stud Michael Jordan was to see him. But what people don't realize, he had a strong team around him. That's why he was able to perform. And so we focus on the person and being the star, and oftentimes forget that they are supported by a cast of characters. And as human beings, we cannot do things on our own. We need to include other people and ask for help when we need it.

SPEAKER_02 21:09

It's so important who you're hanging around, right? Uh having that that board of directors or coaches or some by a friend, even that's close enough to and and and loves you enough to speak into your situation with truth, right? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 21:23

Very important. That's that's a sign of good friends, right? People that are willing to speak truth to you when you need it, not just tell you what you need to hear.

SPEAKER_02 21:29

I know you also, you know, you're big on structure and uh discipline, even as tools for peace. You know, speak to some of the systems that actually protect a man's say mental, maybe emotional health as well. Is there, you know, just a high speed entrepreneur that you work with all the time?

SPEAKER_01 21:44

Yeah, so it's really simple, right? I wish I I could tell you that I've got this like complicated things and this little hack. Like, go to the store and buy yourself a 99 cent composition book and just write down what you're thinking. Write down Write down what ails you. Write down what you're afraid of. Get it out of your head and onto paper. That system right there has done more to help bring me peace of mind, as far as you know, just like outside of praying, right? So prayer first, but my notebook and my journal drive my prayer. And so if something is on my mind and I'm afraid of something or I'm feeling like, ooh, this is making me uncomfortable, I'm gonna write it down because it just gets it out of my head, makes it real by writing it down. And then I realize after a while, like I've just turned it into something normal. It's written down, it's not this big scary boogeyman. And so, a system that I would encourage everybody to do have a notebook, have a journal. And when you wrap up your day, plan tomorrow today. I learned that from one of my mentors and friends, Craig Ballantine. I know he was a guest here on this show before. So if you plan tomorrow today, you can wake up with intention, knowing exactly what it is that you need to do that's going to help move the needle in your business and in your life. And so for me, making sure that I wrap up my day by planning the next day, knowing what three most important tasks I'm going to take care of the next morning, that right there is my system for peace. Because then things don't fall through the cracks.

SPEAKER_02 23:22

I think it makes such a big difference. The days I don't do that, I waste so much time the next morning, right? Trying to figure out, hey, what is my plan of attack this morning, especially if I have just time without meetings and which could be the most productive time, and then I'm not prepared to use it, you know, the best way that I could.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

Yes, absolutely. It's it is one of those things. So, like Jim Rohn, a great business philosopher who again helped change my life when I was going through the depths of it. I was listening to Jim Rohn all the time, and he would say, you know, these things are easy to do, but because they're easy to do, they're also easy not to do, right? And so, how many things in our life are easy to do, but because they're easy to do, they're also easy not to do. So we ignore it. And these are little things that add up to big things, right? Craig, you know, taught me a phrase, little hinges that swing big doors. Just by writing down what you're thinking and feeling can be the difference between showing up at home and blowing up at your wife, blowing up at your kids, kicking the dog, being upset because you haven't emotionally regulated yourself, for goodness sakes. Grow up, be an adult, write down what you're feeling. Is there anything you can do about it? No, there's nothing I can do. Okay, give it to God and move on, right? But we, you know, choose to take the more difficult path, which is keep it inside our head and stew on it, let it build up until eventually it's like a volcano and it erupts. That's no way to live. Or we turn to something else, like alcohol, pornography, drugs, watching pro sports for hours on end to numb ourselves out because we don't want to face the real problems that we have.

SPEAKER_02 24:58

Yeah, I'm I'm guilty.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

Oh, guilty as charge myself. Why do you think I know the playbook? That's right. You know, I know the playbook because I was I was a player in there until I, you know, broke free from it.

SPEAKER_02 25:09

So speak to how your healing journey changed the way you show up as a husband.

SPEAKER_01 25:14

Yeah, so first off, I realized that it's okay to feel. So that is something that was new. It's like, wait a second, I've got these feelings. It's okay for me to experience sadness, it's okay for me to be angry, it's okay for me to be for me to be frustrated, it's okay for me to feel happy about this. And and as I started getting in touch with my feelings, as you know, feminine as that sounds, we are both masculine and and and feminine energy as human beings, right? You think of the yin and yang, right? And so men who are in the masculine primarily, like we should be primarily masculine. There is a touch of feminine, there needs to be that counterbalance. And trust me, with a 13-year-old daughter, I get plenty of that in my life. But I think it's so important for you to recognize what you're feeling and then look at it and say, okay, who do I need to talk to about this? I'll give you an example from my life. One of the things that I have told my closest inner circle is if you do not hear from me for three straight days, call me, find out what's going on. It because my tendency is to withdraw when things are going poorly in my life. And things do go poorly in my life sometimes. I, yeah, I'm a coach and I've got a great thriving business and everything. You know, I got a great marriage, great kids. But yeah, like sometimes stuff sucks, right? And sometimes stuff's not good. And so I tell my closest inner circle, there's three men that I tell, listen, if you don't hear from me for three days, please check on me because something's going on.

SPEAKER_02 26:52

I want to hear about that, like those three men and just speak to what is that? How did you orchestrate that? What's the understanding there, you know, between you four? You know, how do they speak into your life? I I I hear so many ask about that. I've I've had different people like that over the years, but how did you orchestrate that? What does it look like?

SPEAKER_01 27:09

Yeah, so they're men from different social circles. So a couple of them know each other, but one of them doesn't know the others. And so I've just told different men from different social circles listen, I I'm trying to be better as a husband, as a father, as a business owner. And I just know that like my tendency is to withdraw if I am not in community and I'm not talking with my brothers. I consider you a brother. If you don't hear from me for three days, please do me a favor, check in on me, because it typically means something's going on. And so that is just kind of how I had that conversation. And so I'll come to them if I'm struggling with something or I want accountability on something, where I say, Hey guys, just recently one of them sent me a text and said, Hey, I am not showing up the way I want to for my wife. I've been short with my wife, short with the kids. That's not who I want to be. Can you help me? Like, can you just give me some words of encouragement here? And I said, Brother, I got you. I've been there. Let me tell you, as as recently as two weeks ago, let me tell you what had happened. And so I kind of outlined what had happened that had escalated and what I did to mitigate it. And then I gave him some advice because he's been married less years than I have. You know, Emily and I are approaching 22 years this year. And I said, I gave him some specific examples on what I recommended and got a text back the following week. Hey, man, like that advice was fantastic. Like that's what I needed to hear. Thank you so much. I love you. Normalize telling your bros you love them, like it's okay. You can tell guys that you love them. And so that's just the way it is, right? When something is going south, speak up, talk to somebody, start with one friend, right? And then you can expand it a little bit more. But for me, I got my two AM guys that I know I can reach out to.

SPEAKER_02 28:58

Yeah, that's awesome. Love that you have them in place. And even as a father, you touched on this a little bit, but as a father, how do you think about just modeling emotional honesty, right? And strength for your kids, especially your daughter.

SPEAKER_01 29:10

Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, there's again in psychology, I read about, you know, like fathers and how they develop their daughter's picker of men, and that she's either gonna choose a man that's just like you or one that's the complete opposite of you, right? And so, no pressure, dads. First off, I have an amazing wife. Like, I I'm I'm so blessed that she is a woman who will tell me the straight scoop, and we've learned to communicate and we've learned to argue fairly, if that makes sense. So, in the early days of marriage, when we would have arguments, we fought very unfairly. We dug up the past, we made attacks based on you know stuff from their background or whatever it was. It was just very unfair fighting. And then we did this marriage retreat and we realized, man, we are like breaking every rule in the book here. Let's now moving forward fight fairly because again, the enemy uses marriage against us, right? Like it's it's like a tree that's got roots, and we've all heard the analogy, right? Just poison getting dropped in the roots and it kills the entire tree. And so if you have children, I truly believe I will die on this hill. It starts with the way that father treats the mother. That is the core foundation for a family, is in how the father treats the mother, and then also how the mother treats the father, right? So we have agreed we are not to belittle each other. You know, growing up in a Latino household, we poke fun at each other and we make jokes and all these different things, it's very cultural, right? You earn nicknames based on your physical characteristics, and that's not a good thing for a marriage, okay? It's not good to do that. And so we learned that if we were gonna have discussions, that we weren't gonna run away from them and that we were okay with arguing in front of the children because I want them, we want them to see that arguments are a part of relationships and it's accountability because I know I've got eyes and ears around me that if I escalate or take it to a place, I don't want to go with my tail between my legs and apologize to them for what I said to their mom that was really hurtful. And so our philosophy changed over the years. It used to be like, you know, if we have an argument, we'll go to the bedroom. And when kids are little, they need that safety, security, stability. So that was a good move when they were younger. But now that they're teenagers and we get into a little bit of an argument, it's a check and balance for me. Like, hey, your daughter is watching. Your son is learning how to speak to a woman based on what you're doing, Galel. Tread carefully. And so we've just learned to fight better, I guess. It sounds weird as good advice. Like, we've learned to fight fairly and fight better and get to the heart of what it is and to say, you know, honey, I love you, but I'm feeling this way. Oh, oh gosh, I didn't realize that. My goodness, I didn't realize I'd said things this way, you know, and just doing that healing in front of the kids, it's helpful because sometimes you're on a road trip for eight hours and you can't wait till you get to your campground to dish it out. And so for us, we've learned to do this in a way, knowing that our kids are watching every move.

SPEAKER_02 32:26

They need to know that it's gonna happen, right? And how to handle it because when they get married one day, Lord willing, they're gonna have fights. Yeah, no doubt about it.

SPEAKER_01 32:34

Yeah, I've got friends who they never saw their parents fight, and so then they started dating somebody, maybe got engaged, where everything, everybody's trying to impress each other, then they get married and they like become roommates for a little while, and they're like, wait a second, my parents' marriage wasn't like this. My parents never fought. It's like that's kind of a red flag, you know. Yeah, it's it's it's part of a healthy relationship.

SPEAKER_02 32:57

Yeah, so for men listening who feel like say work and responsibility is slowly pulling them away from their families. Uh, what are some warning signs that you often see there that you would say, hey, they should better pay attention to these things?

SPEAKER_01 33:09

So the warning signs, so any man that's listening to this and you're wondering, okay, am I starting to drift away? I'm gonna ask you a very blunt and direct question. Do you know your children? Do you know their friends? Do you know what they like to do for fun? Do you know what games they play? Do you know who they're talking to on the phone? Do you know who they're in community with? Like, do you know those things? Because if you don't know those things, that's the first red flag. Parents need to know these things. And with technology, teenagers, it becomes easy to for them to like FaceTime people and be on different apps. Like, we don't allow our kids on social media, which I would recommend. I don't recommend social media for your children. We do homeschool our children, so we spend a lot of time with them, you know. But my daughter is out of the house a lot because she does theater. And so, but I know her theater friends and I'm involved, and her theater friends know who I am because I'm always keeping a watchful eye as to what's going on. And anytime that we're in a car with one of her friends, I'm asking them questions. And they they know they all think I'm the cool dad, but the only reason I'm the cool dad is because I just talk to them, I just ask questions. I'm curious about their upbringing. And then, you know, Olivia and I talk about, you know, hey, do they go to church? Like, you know, how what are their parents like, this, that, and the other? And so starting with that question, do you know your children? That's number one. Number two, do you know your spouse? And not just like, yeah, of course I know her. No, but do you know what she's praying for right now? Like, do you know what your wife is asking God? Do you know those things? Do you know that part? Because I'll tell you, you know, men, we're, you know, physical intimacy is a very important part of a of a marriage and a relationship. And for some men, it's more important. And for a woman to give up that part of her soul to you, she has to trust you. And how well can she trust you if you don't know what she's afraid of, if you don't know what keeps her up at night, if you don't know what she's praying for, you don't know what she desires, not only from you, but out of life. Do you know her dreams? Do you know her goals? Do you know where she wants to go on vacation? All those things I think are so important. And so if you don't know those things, that's a red flag. You're spending too much time buried in your work, buried in other things, buried in distraction, and you need to reorient your priorities, which I think are your relationship with God first, your marriage to your wife, then the relationship with your children. But your relationship with your wife comes before the relationship with the children. Because if that relationship falters, everything falters.

SPEAKER_02 35:59

If the men listening just implemented the last five minutes there or two minutes of you, what you just talked about, I mean, their whole life would and family legacy forever would be changed. Are there any uh or maybe one rhythm or habit or something you would encourage men to start, say this week, uh, you know, along the lines of that relationship with their spouse or their children?

SPEAKER_01 36:17

Yes. So I would take a look at your calendar. So look at your calendar. You know how we say, like, where your treasure is, like that's where your heart lies, right? Like that, that is, and I probably butchered that, but that's literally like like your calendar, like your calendar tells me where your heart is. And I get it. Like people have busy schedules, but don't do what I used to do. What I used to do was I'd come home from a long, hard day at work, I would sit on the couch, I'd crack open a beer, and I would watch baseball from six o'clock until 10:30 p.m. And then I give my wife the look like, hey, honey, what do you think? And she's like, Who are you? You know, you didn't even ask me how was my day today and cared to listen to my response. You didn't ask me how it went while I stayed home with these two kids who were draining all my energy. You didn't offer to even help with bath time and feeding them and cleaning up, right? So check yourselves, guys. Like, check yourselves, check your calendar. What are you doing with your free time and reprioritize the things that you say are important? Because at one point in my life, I said that that God was important, my wife was important, my kids were important, but you know who was number one on the list? Was me, making sure I had all my needs met. So yeah, I go to work and I come home and I drink and I watch sports. Like I have to recharge. Well, guess what? Your wife's been with the kids all day, right? And so check your calendar. We do a time audit. How much time do you spend doing these things? And if too much time is going to things that are not fueling your life and the true priorities, you either need to stop saying that God, your wife, and your kids are your priority, or you need to change your schedule.

SPEAKER_02 38:07

When you think about legacy, what do you want to be remembered for? I mean, uh, not as a coach, but as a man.

SPEAKER_01 38:13

Years ago, I cared a lot about legacy. I really did. I remember writing my eulogy, and I remember this was during my days of depression, and I was sobbing in the journal. The journal's sitting right down there where I wrote my eulogy and how I wanted to be remembered, this and that. All I care about now, it's just it's so simple, Whitney. All I want to be remembered for is I just want Emily to know that I loved her like crazy and that I did everything I could, as flawed of a human that I am, that I showed her love and that she felt that love. Second thing that my children know that I'm proud of them and I love them like crazy. But more importantly than that, I just want people to know I follow Jesus and I am an imperfect guy who has done some cool things in my life and helped people, but only because of Jesus. That is it. It's not me, it's all Jesus. That's the legacy I want. And then to have children that follow Jesus and hopefully their children's children, and and and generations from there that Emily and I created that foundation of faith that led our family. That's what I want to be remembered for.

SPEAKER_02 39:18

That's it. Love that, Gala. That is uh you've given us so many, I feel like just such actionable steps for any man uh to change their marriage, change their relationship with their children, but even their walk with the Lord, right? And being super intentional with their time. Uh and that's that's what you're a master at is helping people do those those things. So thank you so much for your your time today and being so transparent. I mean, so many are not willing to do that, right? And then, man, there's so many people that you're helping because you're willing to be transparent and really look back and say, hey, here's what the Lord did. This is a shape I was in, this is where the Lord's brought me. Uh, and so thank you so much for that. How can the listeners learn more about you, any of your social platforms, anything like that that you would send them to?

SPEAKER_01 40:02

Yeah, absolutely. Well, thank you so much again, Whitney, for having me. You can find me on Instagram. That's at just my first name, last name, Galel Fahardo. G-A-L-E-L is how you spell Galel, and Fahardo's F-A-J-A-R-D-O. Or you can go to my website, galel.com, G A L E L, and get on my email list. And I send out coaching via email and talk about some fun stuff. Whatever crosses my mind that day is what I what I'll email out to folks and help give people strategies. So that those are the two best places to find me, or on YouTube at Galel F on YouTube.