Why You Can’t Relax Even When Life is Fine

In this heartfelt episode, Kathleen Flanagan explores the hidden reason so many strong women feel constantly on edge even when life appears to be fine. She reveals how years of emotional pressure, trauma, hyper-responsibility, and survival mode can train the nervous system to believe that slowing down is unsafe.

Through personal stories, emotional honesty, and a simple grounding exercise, Kathleen explains why peace can feel uncomfortable after years of bracing against life. She shares how unresolved emotional patterns become stored in the body, why many women struggle to relax, and how healing begins by teaching the body that it is finally safe to stay in the present moment.

This episode is a compassionate reminder that you are not broken, weak, or failing at healing. Your body adapted to survive. And little by little, you can learn to stop bracing, release old survival patterns, and reconnect with peace, safety, and the authentic version of yourself.

Transcript

Have you ever noticed how the moment life finally  gets quiet, your mind gets loud? You finally sit  

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down and suddenly you stop thinking. You finally  have a free moment. And instead of relaxing,  

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you feel restless like you should be doing  something, fixing something, preparing  

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for something. You've tried the routines, the  mindset work, the discipline, the healing tools,  

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and yet you still feel like you're waiting for  the other shoe to drop. And maybe you've made  

Chapter 2: Why You Always Feel On Edge for No Reason

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yourself wrong for that. Maybe you've wondered,  "What is wrong with me? Why can't I just relax?  

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Why do I always feel on edge when nothing is  happening? But if it's But if it's not what  

Chapter 3: Nervous System Survival Mode Explained

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you think, what if the problem isn't that you're  broken? What if your body just learned that being  

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on edge was the safest way to survive? Because a  lot of strong women didn't become strong because  

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life was easy. They became strong because  they had to hold everything together. They  

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had to anticipate problems, stay guarded, stay  prepared, stay responsible. And after years of  

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living like that, the body starts believing if  I relax something bad will happen. So slowing  

Chapter 4: Why Slowing Down Feels Unsafe

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down starts feeling dangerous. Not emotionally,  physically. Your nervous system doesn't know the  

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difference between peace and vulnerability  anymore. And I want you to try something  

Chapter 5: Grounding Exercise to Calm Anxiety Fast

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with me right now. Nothing complicated. Just  put both your feet on the floor. Seriously,

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feel the the floor beneath your feet.  And instead of going into your head,  

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just slowly look around the room you're in.

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Notice the walls, the light,

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the colors, the objects around you.

Chapter 6: Signs Your Body Is Holding Trauma

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And while you do that, notice your jaw.

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A lot of us have been clenching against life  for so long, we don't even realize it anymore.

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So soften your jaw.

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Unclench your hands.

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Drop your shoulders a little

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and just breathe normally.

Chapter 7: How to Calm Your Nervous System Naturally

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You don't have to force yourself to calm down. You don't have to achieve peace.

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You don't have to become a  different person in this moment.

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Just let your body notice.

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There is no immediate danger right now.

Chapter 8: Healing Trauma Without Trying Harder

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That right there is where your healing begins.

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Not with perfection. Not with another morning routine.

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Not with trying harder to fix yourself,

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but with teaching your body, I am  safe enough to stay in this moment

Chapter 9: You’re Not Broken — Your Body Is Protecting You

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because the truth is you are not failing at life.

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You are not weak.

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You are not crazy and you're not behind.

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Your body adapted to survive  experiences that overwhelmed you.

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That adaptation helped you to become capable, successful,

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responsible, strong.

Chapter 10: The Hidden Cost of Being the Strong One

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But eventually the survival pattern that  protected you starts exhausting you.

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And this is the part that nobody talks about.

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Some of the strongest women, you know,  

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are completely exhausted from carrying  a level of tension they no longer need, but don't yet know how to release it.

Chapter 11: Why Peace Feels Uncomfortable After Trauma

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That's why healing can feel  so uncomfortable at first

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because so many women peace feels unfamiliar.

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But unfamiliar doesn't mean unsafe.

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And little by little, moment by moment, you can begin teaching yourself  

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that you no longer have to live  like the danger is still happening.

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You are allowed to exhale now.

Chapter 12: Childhood Trauma and Emotional Survival Patterns

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This is what I had to do and I still do  because no matter how much I change and  

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no matter how much I learn and grow and  evolve, I still keep discovering deeper  

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layers of trauma, deeper layers of having to  protect myself. And it doesn't necessarily  

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mean that somebody was out to get me in my  life, yes. But it's not always that. I mean,  

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a water heater breaking should never have  caused the traumatic experience that I felt,  

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but I did. And it was a learning experience.  And so what I had to do was just be with it.

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I have asked for a lot of help to get through  this sometimes because I don't understand the  

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depth of this pain of the suffering of what I've  done to protect myself because I felt so alone  

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for so long. I felt like I was the one here to  help save the world because they were incapable.  

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Nobody taught me that. But I experienced  that as a child when my grandmother died  

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and how my mother was. I I felt that  my parents were incapable of doing  

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anything. So I felt like I had to take  on that responsibility and that burden.   Nobody made me do it. I chose to do  it because I felt so out of control.

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I didn't understand anything that I was  feeling. I didn't even know that that was   the beginning of why I was so suicidal in the  beginning. Why I didn't want to live. I did  

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not know any of that. And it's okay because  now I do and now I understand. And I'm fine  

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with it. I'm glad that it happened because of  the person that I am becoming is amazing to me.  

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I'm learning how to like remember how to have fun  because that was taken away from me at 11 years  

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old. I wasn't allowed to have fun. I got beat  up for having fun. And I'm still going through  

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all those bad patterns and and paradigms that were  created because I didn't understand why I couldn't  

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play. I'm not angry about it. I'm just amazed  to the depth of what I did and what I stored in  

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my body. And so it took me several weeks to move  through a lot of this. I'm not on the other side,  

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but I'm a million times better than where I was.  But I had to just allow the emotion to come up. I  

Chapter 13: How Stored Emotions Affect the Body

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had to feel it. I didn't necessarily like feeling  it. I didn't necessarily understand what I was  

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feeling, but I had to feel it. And the one thing  that I observed the most was how childlike I was.  

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The way I was talking in my head, the way I was  reacting was very childlike. It was okay because  

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all I got from that was whatever this is, whatever  this water heater stemmed from me, from this  

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childhood trauma, it's okay because it needs to be  released. I didn't hold on to it. I didn't analyze  

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it. I observed it and I felt every bit of it. And  then I talked to my little girl. I asked for help  

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from God to help navigate through something I  didn't even understand. All I know is there was  

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something really big underneath that because  that's where realizations are. That's where  

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the transformation is. That's where the shift  occurs when we're in the middle of an emotion.  

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We came here to planet Earth to experience life  and we experience life through our emotions.  

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We judge our emotions. No one else does. We make  stories up. Our brain does a lot of things. Once  

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you understand what this body does, it makes  so many other things easyer to understand.  

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I mean, part of what I was experiencing during  this phase was also like I was having a war in my  

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body. Like I was on the sidelines and I'm watching  my body and spirit yell at each other like, "Well,   you're never there for me and you're pushing me  and you're doing this." And I'm like, "Oh my god,  

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what is going on?" I didn't understand any of  it. It was just one of the most weirdest things  

Chapter 14: Body Mind Spirit Alignment Explained

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I've ever experienced of like being pushed  out and watching a war because body, mind,  

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spirit means body, mind, spirit. Our body has a  consciousness. Our mind has a consciousness. Our  

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spirit has a consciousness. And we're here  to bring all of that into alignment. Now,  

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I can talk about body, mind, spirit all my life,  but I have never experienced body, mind, spirit to   the degree that I have. And maybe that's what this  is about. Maybe this is the next evolutionary step  

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that we're going to take in the world of how we  get into complete total alignment with body, mind,  

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spirit. But spirit and body need to stop arguing  with each other. Spirit needs to calm down and  

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allow the body to to come along because there's  one thing I'm going to tell you now. Our body,  

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your body is the first thing you ever created.  Mom and dad didn't create this body. You did.  

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You created your hair color, your eye colors, your  body shape, all of it. You created every bit of  

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it. That is our first lesson in manifestation.  It takes time for things because spirit can flit  

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around the universe and have a grand old time  doing it. the body were a little more dense.  

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This little earth suit is dense and it has its  own consciousness. I mean after doing this detox  

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I have learned so much about my body. I am still  learning about my body and I am still detoxing and  

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it's amazing what I am experiencing with it as far  as understanding a consciousness about the body  

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because you know my body asked me you know I was  like what do you want from me? What do you need   me to do to help you? So, you know what it told  me to do? I want wine and I want chocolate. So,  

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I went out and got wine and chocolate and I drank  it. I drank the wine and had some chocolate and I   said, "Do you feel any better?" And it's like,  "No, I don't feel any better at all." Okay. So,  

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now I don't have to worry about wine and chocolate  because the detox changed the biome in my stomach  

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to where because wine and chocolate calmed  me down. It calmed my nervous system down.  

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What calms my nervous system down more, aside from  being quiet, is eating like almonds and walnuts  

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and seeds and things like that because those are  designed to help the nervous system. And I was  

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retraining my body in the last 90 days to do a  lot of different things. And because of that,  

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my body's changed. I get a kick out of it  because I don't have any desire for wine or   chocolate. I don't I don't have any cravings for  any of it. And I don't even go I want a glass of  

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wine anymore because I was doing that during the  whole time. I was wanging about wanting to have   a glass of wine. But this is but this is what  I'm discovering when I finally calmed it down.

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It's not the wine that calmed me down. It was  a band-aid that I put on me and I kept whatever  

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this was buried. And because of the detox, I  got to see a different side of my body where  

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now I can talk to my body, navigate it, and  just give it what it needs. Like good food,  

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not sugar, not salt. Not that I eat any of that  stuff or very, very little of it, but just let it  

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just like it's okay. That this the inflammation  in my body, the blo, the bloating that I had,  

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all the stuff that was wrong with my body is  healing itself. And I'm healing from the inside  

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out. But until we stop long enough and allow the  emotions to come up and allow to just observe,  

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nothing changes because I was working my  way towards this. And now that I'm here,  

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it's just so much better. There's a peace inside  of me that's there and there's an excitement.  

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I'm not completely on the other side by any  stretch of the imagination, but that's all okay.  

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It's coming. It's here. I'm moving forward. I've  got a new look coming on my website all over the  

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place. I am changing everything because  I feel like I'm stepping in more into the  

Chapter 15: Taking Off the Mask of Being Strong

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real authentic myself. And that's only because I  stopped. I observed. I started healing. I started  

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breathing. And I wanted to take the mask off. And  I wanted to not be the strong one all the time.  

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I'm still a strong woman, but I don't  have to pretend that I'm strong all the  

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time. And that's what this when this is about  today. It's real simple technique. Just stop,  

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drop your shoulders, unclench your mouth. I can't  tell you how many times I still unclench my mouth  

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cuz I I do this and don't even know I'm doing  it until I get pain. And it's like, "Okay, Kath,  

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just breathe. It's okay. You're safe. Everything's  fine. And that's what I wanted to share with you  

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today. Everything is good. Everything is fine.  Life is good. All is well. And you're right  

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where you're supposed to be. And you're not  alone. I'm here. You can call out and reach  

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out to me. I have a calendar link on my website at  keathleenflanigan.com. I have a community. You're  

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more than welcome to come and join and check it  out. It's free for right now. Come check it out   if you just feel like you want to get an idea  of what this is about. You don't have to suffer  

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in silence anymore. I've created a haven where  you can come and let your hair down and really  

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let your hair down and you can feel safe because  there's so many more of us that are starting to  

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come up and wake up and join and do this. So, if  you found value, feel free to like and subscribe  

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to the channel. Leave a comment below. I'd love  to hear from you. I'm here for you and I want  

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to thank you for your time because I know that  our time is very, very precious and I know that  

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my time is very precious and I'm and the older I  get, the more I realize how precious that is. So,  

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I really appreciate you taking the time to watch  this and trying the exercise. I'd love for you  

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to share what your experience was, what you felt  when that came in, and let's start a conversation.  

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So, I want to thank you again for joining  me. I will see all of you next Tuesday at   4 PM Eastern Standard Time. And from my heart  to yours, I wish hope you have a fabulous week.

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