Accidents, Hospitals, and the Humor in Hard Things (Iris Bahr) | Ep. 45

In this episode of The Walkup, Sean O’Hare sits down with actress and writer Iris Bahr for a conversation that moves from the absurd to the deeply human. 

Drawing on Iris’s astonishing hit-and-run experience and the surreal world of New York City hospitals, they explore what suffering reveals about vulnerability, resilience, and the desire for healing. Along the way, Sean and Iris reflect on forgiveness, the limits of self-reliance, and why stories of crisis—on screen and in life—hold such power. Together, they trace how humor, honesty, and unexpected grace can illuminate the fractures and the faith within everyday life.

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

I don't know. What do you yeah? So well what are your what are your impressions of the New York encounter?

Speaker 3 0:06

Well, I didn't know what to expect. I mean I did expect nunnery and priests. I didn't expect the the m vast majority of the people to be Italian.

Speaker 1 0:14

A lot of Italians.

Speaker 3 0:15

A lot of Italian, always stylish.

Speaker 1 0:17

Right.

Speaker 3 0:18

Even the Catholics, which is pretty much everyone. Yeah, I mean it's a very festive vibe. Some dark stuff. Some dark tables. There's some dark tables, some dark themes.

Speaker 1 0:31

Yeah, we're we're we embrace all of it. As one should. But yeah, you haven't gotten to go to any of the talks yet.

Speaker 3 0:38

No, and I would have liked to. I did want to go see hell, not hell.

Speaker 1 0:41

Hell, but not hell.

Speaker 3 0:42

Exactly. It's hell. It's not hell. But not all. Make the most making the most of hell. Optimizing hell. And the can the past be healed, which as I already told you, it cannot. Nope. So I don't know, do Catholics have a secret sauce to healing the past?

Speaker 1 0:57

Confession. We're all by confession.

Speaker 3 1:00

Which heals it for like the day. Not at all.

Speaker 1 1:03

It's everything, you start fresh all over again. Everything looking forward. Everything looking forward.

Speaker 3 1:08

Now I think we've I don't know if we talked about this before, but how does that how does that not become a crutch or like lack of accountability?

Speaker 1 1:18

Well, I think it's like any other relationship, right? It's if if I harmed our friendship in some way, which you do all the time. Which is a recurring thing.

Speaker 3 1:27

Yes, and I'm sure you confess to your priest and then come back and do it again.

Speaker 1 1:31

I mean it's just like it's like any any other habit, right? It's like if you're falling backwards, you restore it. You keep restoring it, even if it's even if it's repetitive until eventually you stop doing the thing, right?

Speaker 3 1:44

Do you think people stop doing the thing?

Speaker 1 1:46

Uh I think if they are, yeah, because you're you're you're calling it to attention, you're getting effective counseling for it, right?

Speaker 3 1:52

So the priest gives some festive advice.

Speaker 1 1:55

He does.

Speaker 3 1:55

Beyond just say these prayers.

Speaker 1 1:57

Yeah, sometimes they're like pretty quick, and sometimes, as you know, I go to spiritual direction. Okay. That's more therapeutic. That's more therapeutic.

Speaker 3 2:05

Is it more like cognitive behavioral therapy?

Speaker 1 2:07

I mean, it's more like it's like the difference between going to your just any any hospital can can address a wound when you walk in the door, right?

Speaker 3 2:17

But there's always Mount Sinai. But then there's yeah, yeah, and then there's Bellevue. I love Bellevue. Bellevue's great. I got hit by a truck, I went to Bellevue.

Speaker 1 2:26

This is a story I feel like. Was there a miracle involved in this?

Speaker 3 2:29

Um Well, triage was not a miracle. So I I I got hit by a truck. It was a hit and run. It was a New York City Parks Department. I was riding my bike back from clown class. True story. This is uh uh drove off, and then up to the case.

Speaker 1 2:42

It's the kind of stuff you only get here on the walk-up.

Speaker 3 2:44

Always and it was on Lafayette and Great Jones in the bike lane, and then I was crisplatted on the floor. I'd never been hit by a truck, and I was barely bicycled. I was at a little bike, like a little kid's bike, because I'm, you know, I'm a I'm a woman child. And then I went to they took me to Bellevue. I remember the EMT's name, he goes, they call me the dolphin. I don't know if I was like, is that upsetting or comforting? I couldn't tell. It was like a poor name, you know, like the dolphin. I'm like, what am I supposed to do with that? I get to Bellevue, and um Bellevue's where they take all the convicts too. So I was on either side, I had two guys handcuffed to their beds, and I'm there with a torn shoulder and a broken uh arm for hours, and then there was a homeless guy in a the gown where the butt butt-revealing gown who kept running around, and every time he'd run, the the gown would flutter open, and I'd get a really nice glimpse of the rear end, which was not in great shape. I'm just saying a lot was happening there, which I didn't want to see. And so I'm there and nothing's happening, and I'm there for hours, and you're still shocked. You get hit by like you get hit by a vehicle, like it's you're still shell-shocked. And I'm alone, I don't want to call my dad because I don't want him to worry. This is this is the idiot in me. Like, I don't want to call my parents, they don't worry. It's you know, two midnight, one in the morning, two in the morning, three in the morning. Uh-huh. And my my best friend. No, nothing, but I I choose not to. This is this is this gets better. Um and so my friend was in medical school at the time at NYU, which I guess is there, right? And it's in the middle of the night. This is pre-cell phone, okay? This is how old I am. So this is pre-cell phone. And so I asked the police officer who's watching over the convict next to me, can you call my friend and tell them, tell her that Iris is in the ER, can she come down and help me? Because no one was even talking to me. Because also someone had gotten hit by a subway and they were prioritizing him. Sure.

Speaker 1 4:29

As one should. The size of the of the transport is really really good.

Speaker 3 4:33

It is exactly. If you're you know, if you're smushed over by a subway, you get first first dibs on the uh on the bed. So he goes over and he calls with the landline, because we were in landline land, um, and he goes, and it's three in the morning, my friend answers the phone, and he goes, and I go, tell her Iris is down here, and he goes, Clarice is here, and my friend hangs up because she thinks it's a prank call. I go, no, no, no, no, it's Iris, and he calls again and she answers again, he goes, Eunice, I'm like, oh my God. Eunice, Clarice, Edith, whatever. He did the whole thing, and I finally said, it's Iris, it's Iris, and she heard me, and she came down within five minutes because she's got connections, you know, got me in. And then we get in and we see a doctor who says to me that they have to try and adjust the bone. The bone is crooked, it's like broken and crooked. And would I want pain meds? And I said, no, I can handle it. I don't know why I said that. I think I it's a control thing.

Speaker 1 5:23

So you you you you want to be Catholic. This is where we offer it up. I know, you're right. You want disability.

Speaker 3 5:27

I don't I it was a control thing. I didn't want to be sedated, I was freaking out. And I held my friend's hand, and he started adjusting the bone with no anesthetic, and I crushed my friend so hard, she goes, Listen, bitch, you gotta, you gotta sedate, even local sedation. Like, so they locally sedated, and he was moving my bone around, he couldn't straighten it, right? He goes, Um, you need surgery. And then he says to me, but don't do it here, and don't tell them I said that. And I was like, What the? So now I'm embroiled in Bellevue politics. And I'm also like, eh. Um, and so I go to check out of the hospital. I want to go home, I wanna he says, go see this specialist, this guy Keith Raskin, he's a big handswatch, go see him tomorrow, blah, blah, blah. Uh so then I go up and she goes, Oh, we have the OR ready, you know, we're scheduled you for the operation tonight, you have to do it, and we have a room ready for you on the whatever floor, and I and I didn't know what to say, and I was like, uh, no, no, I'm not gonna do the surgery here. Uh my daddy. That's what it came out. He goes, My daddy knows a doctor. That's what it came out of my mouth. My daddy knows a doctor. And she's like, Did anyone tell you to do that? Like literally, it was kind of messy. It's happening a lot to them, yeah. Um and I go, no, no. And I checked out, uh, and I went to see Dr. Raskin. Uh you know, you wait for hours. It's one of those offices where they put you in 17 different rooms and you wait for hours. And he adjusted the bone and put me in a cast. I was in a cast for months, and the bone was resorbing, and but I ended up healing without surgery. Talk about a good doctor, no pins, no anything. He just kept, he goes, stay the course, stay the course. He kept moving and shifting, and there, I don't know which arm it is. I think it's this one. I had a night, it's called a nightstick fracture. Because back in the day, you would you'd guard yourself from the nightstick, and that would that would be the bone.

Speaker 1 7:10

But you were guarding yourself from a parks department.

Speaker 3 7:13

From the parks department. The guy was stoned, drinking, I don't know, blasting music, just didn't even realize he hit me, I think. And then uh I sued. Uh and it was, you know, I felt guilty suing because it was post-9-11 as if as if whatever. But the police lost the police report. And I feel like it's connected to the New York City parks, like it's all, like they were all in code. You know what I mean? Um and nobody showed up, like he didn't show up for the trial, and then the guy, their attorney was very slick. I had a terrible attorney who would show up late. He would complain to me about his daughter not sleeping. I'm like, dude, you're 45 minutes late. He's like, yeah, I didn't sleep last night, my baby was crying. Like, I why am I here? The guy, their attorney was super slick and kept making it seem like I was an actor and I faked it. And I ran into the truck on purpose to get money.

Speaker 1 7:59

They were profiling you because you were coming from clown class, though.

Speaker 3 8:02

Exactly. And I was like, why would I? And I didn't, how do you even coordinate that, you know? He's like, Were you four feet away or two feet? I'm like, I didn't have a measuring, like, I didn't bring a yardstick to measure the crash distance. And he made me feel like I was a liar. It was a horrible experience. And I ended up settling, so I was like, I don't want to deal with this shit in a jury, and you know, so I just settled. Yeah, something I needed to give the attorney authority. But then the minute I said I'm gonna settle, and and we agreed, he came up to me because he made it seem the whole trial that I was lying. He goes, You didn't really listen. The minute Andy goes, I'm so sorry that that truck hit you. Like he totally admitted that he knew it was like the minute, the minute it was done. He came up to going, I'm so sorry that happened to you. It must have been horrible. Like, you are so oily. Doesn't make you want to go into law.

Speaker 1 8:46

No, no. Well, but maybe doesn't want to make you go to clown school either.

Speaker 3 8:50

Uh yeah. Well, no, I'm a big clown fan. I'm actually putting together a clown festival in New York, so that's gonna happen hopefully in the next year.

Speaker 1 8:56

This is new, I didn't know about this.

Speaker 3 8:57

I'm obsessed with clown, but not like Circus Clowns. I mean, there are a lot of circus clowns, but I do more like, you know, like uh like Bill Irwind, you know, or like like Roberto Benini would be a clown, you know what I mean? Like the physical.

Speaker 1 9:06

It's almost more not mine, but the more.

Speaker 3 9:09

It's just more poetic, clown, you know. Um it so I saw some brilliant acts when I was um doing my show in Toronto last year, Montreal. Uh, and so I want to bring them, and so I'm collaborating, and we'll see what happens. I'll keep you posted on that.

Speaker 1 9:22

I I actually broke out of a uh of a hospital as well. My friend was similarly Oh my god. We had we had kind of gotten hooked up with a great surgeon. Okay. Uh he needed to have you know serious um gastrointestinal surgery. And he had a, I think they call it a G tube.

Speaker 3 9:39

I don't know.

Speaker 1 9:39

I think is what it's called. So he had a tube that was going up into his nose and then down into his bowel.

Speaker 3 9:47

Oh wow.

Speaker 1 9:47

So because they were that's how they um the bile that like collects.

Speaker 3 9:52

Okay.

Speaker 1 9:53

That that's how they get it out. Okay. Well, but it's really a process to get that thing in. So you don't want to take it out.

Speaker 3 9:57

No, right.

Speaker 1 9:58

So we're talking to the surgeon who's uh gosh, I don't remember the names of the names of the hospital. Upper East Side somewhere. Sure. And he's like, listen, here's the deal. You need to get here for the surgery. And we're like, oh yeah, we're we've been trying for two days to get you know released from this hospital. He's like, just leave.

unknown 10:16

Oh god.

Speaker 1 10:18

He's like, I'm telling you, he's because it's the surgery was that urgent. He's like, Yeah, I'm like, I just want to make sure I'm clear on this. Have you ever advised a potential patient to break out of a hospital? He's like, no, this would be a first.

Speaker 3 10:29

So you didn't even do the discharge papers, you just left.

Speaker 1 10:32

We just he's like, this is no, this is literally a life and death situation.

Speaker 3 10:34

Yes, and this was not a great hospital, he just didn't trust the hospital to do it.

Speaker 1 10:37

He just said, Listen, uh he didn't have privileges there. Oh, yeah. So he's like, I'm the one who can do the surgery, I'm ready, I'm all to do it. Yeah. So my poor friend, who's very weak at this point, he's wrapped in my flannel uh uh shirt. We uh we get out of the hospital, he's like leaning on me in the in the elevator, like barely staying up. Well, he's got this tube sticking out of his nose. Oh, Jesus. And then we get, I called an Uber, I was like, I'll have the Uber waiting. It's one of those times where they can't, you know, like just canceling you? Yes. Like it's around the corner and cancel it. Yes. I then say, I then put him literally against the wall on the ground. Oh, okay. And I sprint into traffic and I find a cab and I'm like, just hail, like, you have to come here. Uh so we get there. The the bez bar, not the bez bar, but adding to the misery.

Speaker 3 11:27

The most fun part of this.

Speaker 1 11:29

We finally get to the hospital where this uh amazing surgeon has privileges, and I say, Listen, my friend has a G tube hanging out of his nose. We're referred by this famous doctor, surgeon guy. And they're like, Yeah, yeah, just wait. We're like, no, let me explain. We have and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, just fill out the paper, fill out the the forms, whatever. Then once we get in, they're like, oh my gosh, he's really I'm like, yeah, I told you. And it was like it was like an ER episode. Yes. When we finally got him in there, like swarms of nurses and doctors coming in working on him, and I'm like, here's the paperwork, here's the scans, whatever. And then we got the surgery done, I think later on that night. Uh but yeah, uh New York City hospital systems.

Speaker 3 12:15

It's so crazy. So obviously, having to do anything medical is never fun. And as you get older, the the frequency obviously increases, and you know, you and I we lost a friend, you know, Avram and spent a lot of time in the hospital. But for some reason, people are still obsessed with hospital shows. Right. And I just started watching The Pit. I tried watching the first episode, didn't do it. It's very intense because there's no music, it's like the wire, there's no music cues. It's like you're literally in the ER, very graphic, but I I dig it. I don't know why. I think I some stuff I I'm rolling my eyes because I can see the writing and it's very like clunky. Other times it's really good. Um, and he's very captivating and charming. Um and because there's no music, you're like, oh, this is more prestige. You know what I mean? Like this is less pulpy, just because there's no music cues.

Speaker 1 12:56

I'm sure it's like when they took the laugh tracks out.

Speaker 3 12:58

Exactly, like, oh, okay. You know, everything's happening in the R and really dramatic, but it's just quiet, and all you hear is the audio. But it's so interesting that we are, is it maybe because you feel like you're cheating death by, you know, watching a medical show of things that are worse off, so it makes you feel better, like, at least I'm not in the hospital.

unknown 13:14

You know.

Speaker 1 13:14

Well, I think it's just because like, you know, law legal shows. Yeah, but legal is not as cringy as, you know, it's just because there's there's human drama, there's a beginning, middle, and an end. Like either the person dies or they don't.

Speaker 3 13:26

Yes.

Speaker 1 13:27

Yeah, you're drawn into a lot of stress. I think it's just because those those situations are easier to write, I think.

Speaker 3 13:33

Well, I think you're right. You're absolutely right. It's also like some stuff, like there's this whole storyline with these parents that lose a young child, right? And I'm like, like to what, is it just it's easy because that's the most dramatic? And then you have to deal with the organ donation, all you're seeing are these very depressed parents. The whole episode, every episode, every week, there's because it's every hour of the shift, right? So every episode is an hour of the of the night shift or whatever it shift is. And at this last episode I watched, and I was like, oh, and they're still there crying a lot. And it's just sad, and there's no mileage or any sort of interesting, you know, they have another, like abortion storyline that deals with abortion, okay, fine. And at some point I'm like, why am I, why am I watching this? I I don't know. I don't know why I'm watching this. I could be watching a comedy and uplifting my spirits, but here I am watching these parents grieve. And it's like I have enough grief in my own life. It's not like I'm, you know what I mean? I've that's my what my shows are about, and grief and loss. And I'm like, what is it about that?

Speaker 1 14:24

That uh that's Are you a white lotus person?

Speaker 3 14:26

That's it's happening tonight.

Speaker 1 14:28

I'm excited.

Speaker 3 14:28

Yes. Also, what's happening tonight is the SNL 50th anniversary episode, yeah. I think they're live streaming it on Peacock.

Speaker 1 14:37

It's on Sunday night. Yeah. Isn't Sunday not Saturday night.

Speaker 3 14:40

Is today Saturday?

Speaker 1 14:41

Today's Sunday.

Speaker 3 14:42

Yeah, so it's Sunday night. That's what I'm saying, it's tonight.

Speaker 1 14:44

So the celebrate the 50th anniversary is not pla taking place on Saturday night for Saturday Night Live.

Speaker 3 14:49

Oh, I I thought did it stream live last night? Yeah, you know, it does make sense that Saturday Night Live would happen on Saturday night. Oh my god.

Speaker 1 14:56

Unless they're like, we want more viewers.

Speaker 3 14:57

No, you're right. They had the uh they had the concert, they had the big concert, Radio City, with right, with all these acts. Maybe that was it. Maybe I shouldn't be talking about this because I have no idea.

Speaker 1 15:05

Yeah, we'll just Can we Google it? Go back to White Lotus.

Speaker 3 15:08

Okay. I do like White Lotus. Even though the even though the trailer felt very similar to the previous season.

unknown 15:14

Yeah.

Speaker 3 15:14

Like I feel like they're like, this is the formula that worked, it's another murder mystery, and it's a lot of attractive people, and like the Braddy This, you know what I mean? But it's still escapism. It's fun.

Speaker 1 15:24

I find it interesting who they whose careers they they choose to try to resurrect.

Speaker 3 15:29

Yes, like who's in this one? Yeah Parker Posey.

Speaker 1 15:31

Yeah, Parker Posey's in it, and there's another character actor that I can't recall his name. But I mean, was it Michael Imperioli last time?

Speaker 3 15:39

Yeah, who's great?

Speaker 1 15:40

He's great, and he just like you forgot about him since Sopranos, basically.

Speaker 3 15:44

I I think Parker Posey's brilliant, and then I met her in person, she was very unfriendly to me, and it really was like, don't meet your heroes, because I think she's so funny and good. Um I'll still enjoy watching her, but I was like, why are you mean to me?

Speaker 1 15:54

No, it's like uh Why be mean to me?

Speaker 3 15:56

I'm so nice.

Speaker 1 15:57

Like I'm b I'm a big fan of John Mayer's music, but I'm not a fan of John Mayer's interviews. I don't want to know anything about you.

Speaker 3 16:04

Is he cocky?

Speaker 1 16:05

It's just like there's a little bit of like uh, I've got a theory on life on everything.

Speaker 3 16:09

I'm like, see, Matthew McConaughey does that, but he actually has insights. Like apparently his book is fantastic. Oh really? Yeah, his book of like life wisdom is supposed to be really great and deep.

Speaker 1 16:19

Okay.

Speaker 3 16:19

And you're not thinking, oh, here's here's my guru, you know, here's the guy drumming.

Speaker 1 16:24

What's you're you're you're just you're just judging the southern draw. Exactly.

Speaker 3 16:28

No, but apparently he's like, I'm like, okay.

unknown 16:30

All right.

Speaker 1 16:30

Well his his best actor speech was pretty good. Was it? I don't recall it. Yeah, it was all about like, you know, perseverance and no, he seems like a solid dude. Yeah. Well, I like him particularly because we were both obsessive Washington Commanders fans, although I still said Rutskins. What sport is that? That's uh a foot football americano.

Speaker 3 16:49

Football americano, no calcio, eccolo, allora, dunque quindi. When you I did that with a couple Italians, I thought it was much more entertaining than they did.

Speaker 2 16:58

Yeah.

Speaker 3 17:03

Iris, allora.

Speaker 1 17:05

Yeah, I'm not uh it's not a healthy thing for me, my obsession with So I used to watch these the the um these football games as a child.

Speaker 3 17:14

Okay.

Speaker 1 17:15

Because people are like, oh, your family must have been big fans. I'm like, no, no, just me. I would I would wear um By the way, it's so hot in here.

Speaker 3 17:23

I'm literally like narcoleptic. I'm like leaning back. I'm like, I feel like my eyes are closing. Just keep talking, Sean.

Speaker 1 17:30

I'd be like Well, you're and you're all you're in you're in all black with the black bicycle. We're just gonna have your floating head.

Speaker 3 17:36

Uh look, I have hands.

Speaker 1 17:40

Speaking of mimes, we've got a I did a mime class in LA.

Speaker 3 17:44

It was so horrible. We're walking upstairs, riding fake bicycles. I was like, I can't believe I'm in a mime class.

Speaker 1 17:50

Were there some transferable skills?

Speaker 3 17:52

Well, there was a very, very famous mime who was teaching it. Because I I used to do a lot of physical theater and I loved all that mask work and and um and when I teach, I just taught, I did a little uh seminar URI um um for the seniors, juniors and seniors there, and so I love doing physical theater work. And so when you have a master mime from the the 60s teaching a class, you take it.

Speaker 1 18:13

Sure. Um but that's a rule of life. If you have a master mime, you take it.

Speaker 3 18:17

You take it. He was a character, and I but when you're doing it, you feel like such an idiot. You're like, I'm in the box. It just becomes such a cliche.

Speaker 1 18:27

I did do one, I was at some conference and they offered uh kind of a free intro improv class where there's the like, here's the ball. Right, yes. I'm catching the ball. Yes, yes. I'm like, you know, I I don't think this is for I'm I should just I'll do the talking thing. I'm not really.

Speaker 3 18:42

Well, I gotta tell you, you know, I do these professional development workshops, and one of the exercises I do, um, which works really well, is yeah, you you have a ball, the ball has a color, right? So you stand in a big circle, usually it's a big group, like 30 people, and then I say red, and I throw it and you catch it, but then I throw up a bunch of different balls in different colors, and everyone has to listen, and there's contact, and you're looking, and inevitably one ball or two will be gone by the end of the exercise. And so it's actually a very helpful, interesting thing where you're connecting the voice, the body, and the person.

Speaker 2 19:10

Okay.

Speaker 3 19:11

And it does improve, you're a good communicator, but a lot of people that have issues with any of that, they're not in their body, they're not their voice is not connected to their body, and they're not connecting to other people. You know what it's like when you talk to someone and they're not all there.

Speaker 1 19:22

It's not aligned, yeah.

Speaker 3 19:23

It's it's it's weird, right? But when someone's fully engaged, so you have people that are more suddenly hyper-vigilant and they're looking for the ball and they're there, and that the whole energy of the room shifts. So don't knock the passing the ball stuff, okay?

Speaker 1 19:37

So I my the only interpersonal, you know, nonverbal training that I got was uh when I I uh owned this, I had this company for a little while where we were hiring salespeople. And so the sales there's like a consultancy that can help you hire great salesmen or something. And they said, Well, why don't you come to our like training class, whatever you can see how we how we do sales training or whatever. And they were explaining how, you know, you have different types of buyers, different types of sellers, and there was the there were four four different kinds of sea animals, sea creatures. Okay. Speaking of dolphin, one of them was a dolphin. There's the dolphin, the whale, the shark, and the octopus.

Speaker 2 20:15

Okay.

Speaker 1 20:16

So the octopus, tentacles, he's looking for data. He wants to know more about the product before he makes a decision. Give me details, give me specs, whatever. The whale wants consensus. He wants, like, oh let's let's ask Bob about it. Let's make sure that he's on board. Let's talk to my boss. Let's talk to Mary Sue. It's always Bob and Mary Sue. These are very popular names now. My dad did this. My dad would always reference when he would use people's references, it was always like an name that nobody was like, oh, well, why don't we ask Esther?

Speaker 3 20:48

Yeah, why don't we ask Mort.

Speaker 1 20:50

Dorothy.

Speaker 3 20:51

Dorothy, my mom, um, my mom, whenever she would recount a story, like, so my mom had a green card when she lived here. Okay. And then when she moved back to Tel Aviv, she would come visit me and she was always afraid that they would take away the green card. Because apparently you have to be in America at least a couple times a year. Like you have to still have some sort of, you can't, you know what I mean? Like certain people just travel every year just to sustain their green card.

Speaker 1 21:13

Oh, okay.

Speaker 3 21:13

There's some rule about it, I don't remember.

Speaker 1 21:15

But she was a minimum amount of days or something.

Speaker 3 21:17

Something like that, but she was always nervous, and she literally, my mom was a, you know, still is a very anxious human being. And she's constantly like, oh God, they're gonna stop me, and the green card, and inevitably they would always call her into a room and question her. And she would always, every time she would tell me this story, it always sounded like a like a Columbo, like a 1950, like, so lady, like she would always say lady. I'm like, who do people still use lady? Lady, why don't you have your green card?

Speaker 1 21:44

Like it was just, you know, it was like And then Columbo, they always does the one more thing.

Speaker 3 21:49

One more thing, yeah, but this was like Miss Barzi, lady, always. Um it's just so interesting. And finally, one year, and I go, mom, stop worrying about this. Like they you've been worried about this for 20 years. Every year, they never take your green card away. Until finally, one year, they took it away. And she was so relaxed after that. Because she was so worried about this, and it finally was like a sel like a self-fulfilling prophecy. She's like, I knew it, now I can relax, because now there's nothing to worry about anymore. They took it and now she could come in on a tourist visa.

Speaker 1 22:17

Yeah, I was gonna say she can still visit, it's not a problem.

Speaker 3 22:19

It wasn't, but it's like so interesting where you're worried about something, and then when it happens, you're actually happy it happened, because then you don't feel like a crazy person. Like, I told you it was gonna happen, but also like, oh, so now I don't have to worry. It's like people without possessions. You know what I mean? If you're worried about someone stealing something, stealing something, or ruining this, ruining that, when you don't have it anymore, you're like, oh, foreclosure. Great, done.

Speaker 1 22:37

No, I mean you see this with um you know all those terrible terrible fires in LA. A lot of people are just like, wow, I guess there's nothing. Okay. I guess I can't worry about possessions anymore. That's it. Although I heard about this friend of a friend. All of his Bitcoin passwords you have to have the passwords written or saved in some location. 35 million.

Speaker 3 23:00

Is that true? Was that worth like $40? I don't know, I don't know the rate now. I know Trump has a Bitcoin now, doesn't it?

Speaker 1 23:06

No, but like no, the the the Bitcoin, not the Trump coin or whatever it's like whatever the weird names. So you imagine that? This guy travels a lot, does import export.

Speaker 3 23:14

Yeah, but I feel like he has to have the password somewhere else.

Speaker 1 23:16

His backup was in his car.

Speaker 3 23:18

Okay.

Speaker 1 23:18

So he's like, all right, I'll keep one in my house, one in my car. Your car was in the garage. Oh he was traveling when this happened. He was in, he does like exotic import of like spices and interesting.

Speaker 3 23:28

I still feel like if you have 35 million, you know, Bitcoin, you keep a third location.

Speaker 1 23:33

Or you get somebody like, listen, I will pay you half the money. Um something. Um that that uh oh I was gonna say I said that the the four sea animals, right? And then there's the octopus, the whale, the shark is like the he wants to make a deal, you know. As long as he all right, just for you, 20% off, and he then he signs the contract. And then the dolphin is the guy who just wants to like be friends. Like as long as you're friends, he'll he'll do business with you. So he doesn't want to talk about the the the specs or the he just wants to like be your buddy. And uh my business partner was uh they were like, oh well which which ones do you think you know you are? And my my business partner Chris looked at me, he's like, Well, you're you're the dolphin. Uh so then he he f I can't make a dolphin noise, maybe you can. So he would make a dolphin noise because like when we were working together, after like an hour, I'm like, I'm gonna like get the scooter and kind of go around the office for a little while. Or we had a little basketball like uh on the back of the door thing, and he would make the dolphin noise because he's like, you just want to have fun.

Speaker 3 24:38

Can I tell you a vulgar story?

Speaker 1 24:40

Uh it's involved dolphins, it involves horses.

Speaker 3 24:45

Am I allowed?

Speaker 1 24:48

Your friend's coming soon, right?

Speaker 3 24:50

Um I'll tell you the story. You can always cut it out, but it's not funny. It's gonna be dark. It's gonna be it's pretty sexual.

Speaker 1 24:57

Hold on. Okay. Okay. All right.

Speaker 3 24:58

So years ago, at the dawn of the internet, I was living in LA, right? I just, you know what I mean by the dawn of it. We were just searching, like there weren't a lot of websites or whatever. The things were just starting. And this video was circulating. Apparently, I think in Washington State at the time, um, you could have uh intercourse with small animals, not large animals. I think one of them was illegal. That was the that was the line that was drawn. Or so one of the two, I don't know, maybe it was the other way around. Whatever. I don't know. I guess it goes to the size of the member or if it's gonna hurt the animal. So this gay couple, um, one was shooting the other. The guy getting penetrated by a horse.

Speaker 1 25:40

The horse just figures out you know what I'm saying? Like the logistics seem like that.

Speaker 3 25:43

Well, and the guy died on video because the guy got impaled. I mean, you've seen a horse's penis? I mean, that thing inside you it will just destroy all your internal organs. Um so this is circulating, and I'm curious. I'm just saying. And so I watch this video and it's terrific. And you see like the horse, the guy's kind of trying to angle the horse, and the horse is like, what's happening? And the horse is like, oh. And then in one fell swoop thrust, like massive. I mean, like this thing was like insane. And the guy just goes, and then collapsed. That's the video. Um it's almost like a snuff it. It's like pretty dark. So I watch this. I don't know why. I I couldn't help it. And now I have to share with others because I don't want to feel like a freak, right? So I go to my agent. So my commercial agent at the end of the day.

Speaker 1 26:25

This is like something you just want to bury.

Speaker 3 26:26

Well, didn't bury, didn't bury. Uh I go to my agent. Now, my agent in LA, this was my commercial agency, they had the voiceover department, it was a different floor. They had all the offices on one end, and the assistants would sit like in the whatever it's called, that middle section. You know what I mean? Like the cubicles outside the offices. And so I come in and I go, guys, you gotta you gotta see this video. It's really messed up, it's really disturbing. I was like, in my early 20s. And they watch it, they're like, oh my god.

Speaker 1 26:54

Yes, exactly.

Speaker 3 26:55

Um and then we're all like, oh my god, oh my god, and then the head agent comes out, he goes, What are you all watching? And they tell him, and from that moment on, my nickname was Seabiscuit. And every time I'd come into the office, they'd call me Seabiscuit.

Speaker 1 27:08

And would they make the horse noise?

Speaker 3 27:10

Uh no, no horse noise. Sometimes they call me Mr. Ed. It fluctuated. Um but I just just to recollect, you were the dolphin, I was the I was Seabiscuit.

Speaker 1 27:18

Well, I can I feel like the potential for names could have gotten a lot worse than Seabiscuit. It could have been a lot of things.

Speaker 3 27:24

Um It was so disturbing. I still have that image. That's the problem with imagery. It never leaves you.

Speaker 2 27:29

Yeah.

Speaker 3 27:29

It never leaves you. I mean, on a on a completely other note that's really dark and sad was I remember when Daniel Pearl, the Jewish journalist, was beheaded by ISIS, and I saw that video. And I just felt like it was some sort of personal responsibility. I don't know why. I thought that I'm like, I have to, it's a personal responsibility. And I still have that clear, clear image of every moment of that video. And that happened, what, in 2000, I think it was. That was wow. That was wild. Um yeah, and I literally remember it like it was yesterday. So it's like, it's gotta be careful. That's what I try and tell myself, like, I don't want him watching certain things, but I can't, I don't sit there and control, you know what I mean? He's a teenager now, he's gonna whatever he's not gonna see at home, he's gonna see with friends in school. But it's been tough trying to get him to, you know. I I told him I don't want him looking at certain stuff, and then I find out, you know, it's not fun.

Speaker 1 28:16

But I think I mean that was one of the talks I was mentioning before that was going that happened in the world. Hell but not hell. Hell but not.

Speaker 3 28:23

Hell but the internet.

Speaker 1 28:25

Hell but it's not films. Uh Sea Biscuit. Yes, but it was like talking about, you know, I I we don't really know what the impact is yet of social media and the just the flurry of images.

Speaker 3 28:37

A hundred percent.

Speaker 1 28:38

Like, how do we even know what the like I don't know how I what what are uh the impacts for us having grown up without the internet and then getting Yeah, I do feel like though, because wait, I'm just checking to see if uh Harry's here.

Speaker 3 28:49

No. Um because we are inundated with so much, I don't think we store. I mean, like I think I remembered that video, A, because it was traumatizing. Um, but B, there wasn't a lot of video entering my brain at the time. And it was embedded very strongly. I think now we see so much. I mean, how much do you scroll? It all kind of comes and goes. So I think in that regard.

Speaker 1 29:10

I hope so. I mean it's uh but then there's the the it numbing you, right?

Speaker 3 29:14

Yeah, you get desensitized. Well, even for horrible stuff, which is which sucks, you know. Like we're dealing with the insanity of what's going on now, um, and obviously also in Israel and the darkness and what people are going through. And everybody's just like it just yeah, you don't become numb to it. I think I still take it on, but the the in not to the horrors and trauma, you become numb to the insanity of stuff, like Elon Musk and this uh shit that he says and the Zig Heil and Kanye West with the freaking swastika t-shirts, and people aren't as horrified as they should be. And the guy still shows up at the Grammys, like I don't I I did some things don't compete, and I think people are just adjusting to more and more horrible stuff, and and racism and anti-Semitism and and you know, uh rights abuses and all that.

Speaker 1 30:00

Well, I think um I mean part of just the volume of things, right? I was uh I was trying to explain to somebody do you remember this has gotta be late 80s, early 90s, maybe Jessica. No. Fell maybe she there was that girl who fell into this very small pipe. And it was this rescue mission. It was like wall-to-wall cover.

Speaker 3 30:20

She fell into a pipe?

Speaker 1 30:21

It was like How do you fall into a pipe?

Speaker 3 30:22

She was like a pipe two-year-old or something, and she's like, someone dropped her into a pipe.

Speaker 1 30:27

Something broke and or she the the cover was not there, and she fell through. Okay. And you know, she babies are very flexible, so she she fell in just the right angle, and it was this whole rescue mission because they had to dig down the side and then cut over whatever. And I remember this it was like the cover of Time magazine.

Speaker 3 30:43

I don't, sorry.

Speaker 1 30:44

It was like her them carrying her out, and they saved her, whatever. Okay. So I'm juxtapos juxtaposing that against the uh okay, we had the the Hurricane Helene, right, coming through North Carolina. And uh, you know, I'm doing this mini mini documentary series. We sent a crew there to shoot. Okay. And then you got the LA fires. And it's like, oh that okay, now we're farming. And then there's Israel, and then there's this, and it's like 100%.

Speaker 3 31:09

I mean people get forgotten. Yeah. It's sad. Um okay, I think should we rap?

Speaker 1 31:17

Yeah, let's rap.

Speaker 3 31:17

And I I'm still wondering why we hear so much ambient. And I is this on? What is picking up all the ambient sound to such an extent?

Speaker 1 31:25

That's a fair question. This thing?

unknown 31:28

No, it's not.

Speaker 3 31:29

This one's picking up all the ambient? I thought it was very like directional? Really? Okay. Oh, there's Harry.

Speaker 1 31:36

All right. And that's a wrap. Alright, we're rolling. Well, Bishop Fernandez, thanks for joining us.

Speaker 31:45

It's great to be here.

Speaker 1 31:47

Um so you you don't uh look at them, they're cheering for you. I hope. It's incredible. Um so you and I, you and I actually have a um uh a somewhat personal connection that I'm gonna reveal to you now. Okay. So you're you're you're rightfully nervous. Um you gave, you moderated a discussion last year at a New York encounter that involved um, amongst other topics, human trafficking. One of and the panelists there was Father Don Bosco Darcy. I attended that talk, got to meet Father Father Bosco, and three months later I was in an in India with Father Bosco. So you you whether you realize it or not, your your moderation of that panel directly led to me going halfway across the world to help him with uh his project.

Speaker 32:33

You know, that's wonderful. He runs these uh Talatakum uh Unity centers for girls who have been trafficked, he rescues them, educates them. Unfortunately, many of the houses they run were destroyed in a recent flood in Andar Pradesh, but they're rebuilding. He's here again at the New York Encounter. He also came to the Diocese of Columbus along with his bishop to do fundraising with our mission cooperative appeal. So he continues to be passionate about you know giving new life uh to these uh young girls.

Speaker 1 32:59

Yeah, and it's just it shows the the universal and global nature of our church, right? I mean, the the a diocese uh in Columbus, Ohio, supporting a diocese in Vijawada, India, and Andhra Pradesh, but we're all connected and and all brothers in Christ, regardless of where we are.

Speaker 33:16

Well, it's true. I mean, even our very humanity uh connects us. So I was just on the panel with Dr. Holly Peterson, who's the assistant superintendent of Catholic schools in the Diocese of Columbus, but also with Dr. David Steiner, who's a Jew. And he, you know, he yet he and I and we are interested in the educational endeavor. So we have our common humanity that binds us, and Pope Francis is constantly talking about human fraternity and the value of human fraternity. But most of the people here, we have our common faith in Christ. The New York Encounter is beautiful because I get to see friends. Friends whom I knew in Rome, friends whom I knew in Washington, friends who I met at La Touille are all here, as well as you know, local people and those from Ohio who made the journey. And we all get together for this incredible event. Thousands of us gather uh every year in February in New York, uh, and it's a wonderful experience that reflects the universality of our faith, and yet also I would say high culture, in the sense that the music that we have, the art that we share, all these things help us to rightly order our passion. It's a chance to be away, to be away together, to share our faith in common and to come together. The Nuncio quoted it this morning, Pope Benedict wrote it, Pope Francis quotes it constantly being a Christian is not a result of an ethical choice or a lofty idea. It is a result of an encounter with an event or a person who opens up new horizons and gives our life a decisive direction. That event, that person for us is Jesus. But as the Papal Nuncio, Cardinal Pierre said this morning, we encounter Christ through his disciples. And that's been my experience these last two years at the New York Encounter. I constantly experience the presence, uh, what just thought we'd call the original presence here where the disciples of Jesus are gathered. Uh, and it's a mysterious presence, yet it's a transforming presence that brings joy to my heart, certainly.

Speaker 1 35:12

Well, you know, you know, sometimes terms become so familiar to you, you just I always just go to the New York encounter, New York encounter, as it's a as if it's a one word. And I'm I'm in the conversations that I've been having over the past couple days, the the purposefulness of that term encounter, right, that Giustani laid forth and what he wants to take place here, encountering each other, encountering, as you mentioned, high art, encountering community. It's almost like a big family reunion here, you know. Um and so what we what we can encounter with each other has to take place in an incarnational faith that we have, right? This is not something that you can simply absorb online.

Speaker 35:50

Right, and so while some of the talks are uh broadcast online, um it's important for us to be together. The church cannot go on virtually. What we've heard at a number of talks uh this weekend is how isolation is drifting in uh to our country, to into our hearts. People that are more and more isolated, the more and more dependent we become on technology. We put screens in front of our faces rather than looking at another person and seeing the richness of the other person before us. Uh one in three people, young adults, only one in three will marry. Only one in four will ever have children. We can't replace the population of this planet. People are our greatest resource, and yet we we suffer from isolation and with it a pandemic of loneliness. So we talked about why have children, but we also talked about uh this morning, Sherry Turkle and um Dr. Putnam, Bob Putnam, they talk uh they talked about uh how we live in a polarized and secularized society, and we're we're becoming more polarized as we become isolated from each other, and we're losing sight of the common good and our shared humanity. Uh, we're losing our ability to empathize with one another and share in both our joys and our sorrows. Equally fascinating was the talk on uh Tolkien. Uh and even the suffering that's involved and the wounds that we bear, uh, yet Tolkien acknowledges the wound, yet he's also filled with hope. And I think uh that's how the Christian is. And even Christ himself, he bore our wounds in his very flesh, back to the incarnation. And if we are, if we have communion with him, if we have friendship with him, then we know that what he has promised us uh will be fulfilled and is even being fulfilled, and that will be eternal happiness, eternal joy, the beginning of new life.

Speaker 1 37:46

That's well said. And I think the encounter here, the New York Encounter is an opportunity to kind of see that paradigm in a in a in a microcosm, if you will, right? The global church, the all of the aspects of how we can grow in our faith spiritually, intellectually, culturally. Um, thank you for your service to the to the New York Encounter, being a a now two-time participant. We hope it's many, many more times to come.

Speaker 38:08

You know, for many years I heard people say New York Encounter, New York Encounter, New York Encounter. When I worked as a secretary at the Apostolic Institute for Cardinal Pierre, we would host the fundraiser for the New York Encounter. He would come, he would give speeches, he would participate in panels each year, and he's still to speak uh this evening. Um, but I had never been myself. Uh and so to come here in the flesh to be here is a great, great joy. I hope it's uh these first two are the first of many. Excellent. Thank you.

Speaker 1 38:33

Well, thank you for taking your time, and uh uh you know, all the all the best as you head back to Columbus. So God bless you all. Thank you.