EP. 13 Independent Women & Relationships

What happens when strength, self-sufficiency, and modern dating collide? In this thought-provoking episode of Two Chicks One Vibe, LaShonne & Sherri dive into the hot-button question: Are women too independent for relationships — or are expectations around relationships outdated?

From financial independence and emotional self-reliance to dating dynamics, gender roles, and the pressure to “do it all,” the conversation unpacks why women's independence is often celebrated in one breath and criticized in the next. 

With honest opinions, personal stories, laughs, and a few uncomfortable truths, this episode challenges listeners to rethink balance, vulnerability, partnership, and what modern love truly requires.

Is independence pushing people apart — or simply forcing relationships to evolve? Tune in and let us know your thoughts in the comments.

Transcript

unknown 0:23

Hey y'all.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

Hey, Bob Tri. It's been a minute. It's been a minute. Um, we left for a snippet. But we're back like we never left. Absolutely. We don't have any lip gloss on. It's okay. But anyway.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

You're still cute.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 0:42

Well, first of all, thank you all for joining us. We appreciate you all hanging with us while we stepped away for a minute. Um, and so life is life. Life be life. If it's nothing else that's true, that is true. Life be life's. And y'all can tell by my hat today.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

Because today, my hair ain't done.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

Listen, there are workarounds, and this is cute. So long as you keep it cute, we're gonna we I mean, you know, I don't know how cute it is, but it is what it is, so we're gonna go with it. All right. So, first of all, how are you doing?

SPEAKER_01 1:23

Well. You're doing well? I think so. Oh, good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, well, in the context of all the craziness going on. Yeah, how about yourself?

SPEAKER_02 1:35

I'm doing okay. Can't complain, you know. Like you said, life be life and but we gotta keep keep pushing.

SPEAKER_01 1:41

Yep, there's I heard the saying um, ain't no misery worth complaining about. Ain't no misery worth complaining about, so there's plenty of it. But um, yeah, overall, life is good.

SPEAKER_02 1:53

And who's gonna listen? Well, the vibe tribe will listen, but I mean generally who's gonna listen?

unknown 1:58

I'll listen.

SPEAKER_02 2:00

But well, all right, listen, let's get right into this vibe check. Okay. Um, you know, this podcast, um, our primary audience is women. So we try to um deliver content particularly for that audience, but you know, with the understanding that anybody can get a good giggle or learn something, get a nugget here or there, whatever the case may be. So um, we're hoping that that would be the case today. Yes. So let me just ask you, let me just get a temperature or a vibe check in terms of how you think about yourself. Like, do you consider yourself an independent woman?

SPEAKER_01 2:45

Almost to a false. Oh, so yes, is the short answer. Okay. How about yourself?

SPEAKER_02 2:55

Very much so, very much so. Um, I don't know. You say neither one of us are elaborating on because it's it's a wicked loaded, yes, loaded question with loaded answers. So we just said yes. And so, but we're interested to know are you all the women in the audience, do you all consider yourselves independent women? And so um it for me brings up the question of so we're moving past the vibe. That's that was the vibe check.

SPEAKER_01 3:30

We're both independent women, quick and dirty, because we we could spend a lifetime talking about it and how it shows up in our lives, but we won't.

SPEAKER_02 3:39

Yes, and so it brings the question to mind how is independent defined? So, and and it, I think along with that um is how we as women tend to define ourselves. So is it defined by um you know, from a financial standpoint, is it defined from an educational standpoint, is it defined from, you know, I don't know, a um an income stand? Like how are we defining uh independence? Because I think that the way that we define it um plays into for those women who are in relationships, you know, how how it shows up in relationships. So how do you define independence?

SPEAKER_01 4:40

Independence is a mindset to me. So it doesn't have anything to do with your financial uh station in life, it doesn't have anything to do with your educational background, it's it's a mindset and uh a confidence level to me. So an independent woman to me understands who she is and understands what she wants. She understands the boundaries that she has set for herself and others around her, she understands her standards, how she conducts herself, how she wants those around her to conduct themselves. And um, yeah, so it's it's for me a hundred percent a mindset. So you could have like two quarters in your bank account and still be an independent woman. Now you might be struggling. However, comma, comma, you gonna figure it out so you ain't struggling anymore because you have the mindset, you know, you're gritty, you're willing to work hard, blah, blah, blah, all of that stuff. So it's harder to be an independent woman when you ain't got but two quarters, but you can still be an independent woman.

SPEAKER_02 6:00

That's interesting. So it's a mindset for you, it's a mindset. It's a mindset, okay. Um, and so because it it kind of leads into the next question of who is defining independence, you know, the independent woman. Um, and so I think in the world that we live in of social media or of whatever, you know, where the aesthetic is everything and material things are everything. And so certainly how people who look at you define or whether they define you as an independent woman, woman or not, is very different from how we, you know, interpret it for ourselves. And so, you know, this particular child, this particular episode, the context of this episode for the vibe tribe is are women too independent for relationships? I picked up my pepper just in time, and it would have been interesting to have a man guest, a male guest here to get that perspective. But do we want it?

SPEAKER_01 7:24

Well, as an independent woman, you would not want it, however, it would have been very interesting to get that male perspective.

SPEAKER_02 7:33

I have someone that we probably could have talked to about that, but ooh, but I um, you know, in terms of I would agree with you for myself also, that um I see myself as an independent woman, and it is all about my mindset. But I the thing that I would add on to that is um, in terms of my definition, is what contributes to that as well, is that you know, I can I have been doing everything for myself, um kind of by choice and by force, right? Because um when you think about uh dating and I've dated, you've dated, like I I it um you have no choice, like we have no choice, basically, uh in the matter. Well, let me speak for myself because even while I was dating, um I always felt the need to make sure that you know I had money in my pocket. I was always able to pay for the date, even if I didn't have to. Um, and that was just how I was socializing, how I was brought up. And and so that's a whole nother sort of layer to it, right? Because our um women in our um age bracket, we were what we generally we were brought up with two, you know, two in two parent households, um, parents had to marry, probably still married for some years or whatever. And so that was the model that we saw. And so we were talking about this earlier about dating and um the difference in dating uh with our generation and then younger generation of women, which is a topic that we're gonna touch on. But um, I just feel like how we think about ourselves as independent women um stems from how we were, you know, how we were raised, which again is very different from because are men considered independent? Like, I is this a conversation.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

No, it has not, right? Which is so I I think part of it, and this is definitely veering off the topic, but to your point, no, no one talks about men in terms of being independent. I mean, there is just an expectation that men can take care of themselves and the people around them that they love and you know choose to care for. But there's still this context that women are quote unquote independent. Well, like, shouldn't shouldn't we be? And it's almost as if women are progressing, but there's still this whole faction of our society that hasn't caught up to all the things that women are doing and achieving. And so, yes, laws have changed, so now we can own our own property and we can do this, we have our own businesses, all of that kind of stuff. But there's still this tension between the old and the new. So we, you know, it's it's almost odd that we're still talking about women in terms of being independent. Don't, I mean, I I hadn't considered it until you just said something, but it's like, why are why are we even talking about this?

SPEAKER_02 11:08

You know, I always um with a lot of these types of topics, and as the discussion goes on, it I always it always comes to mind. Slavery always comes to mind in terms of um how women were viewed, not as an actual human being, we didn't have any rights. That stuff is still steeped in how we like how we think about or how society thinks about women today. Um is steeped in the women.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

Women or black women. I mean, speaking of black women, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Black women.

SPEAKER_02 11:51

And so um, yeah, and so it I I feel like that is why we're still talking about it, because it's a uh it's a systemic thing and it is ingrained in the way that society thinks about black women. So um, you know, it's it's like a double-edged, you like you, it's almost like we can't win. We can't win. We gotta survive. So we, you know, we have to survive and be able to take care of ourselves whether there's a man or not. Right. Um, and some you like you have children, you had to do it with and you were married.

SPEAKER_01 12:38

And so I've done a little bit of I'm telling all our business. I've done it all. Except for the remarry part, but I I've I've done it.

SPEAKER_02 12:50

But yeah, and so you know, I I don't know what your mindset, what your mindset was then, because like when you got married, was it I'm sure that there was a level without telling all of your business, because I don't know of your business, but I'm saying without I don't want you to tell all of your business, but I'm just saying, I would think that because I've never been married, and so you date the, you know, you date this person, and then you all get married. I would imagine that there's a certain level of comfort that that you have, or maybe I'm waiting for her to get to the question because I'm I'm trying to figure out a level of comfort.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

Okay, go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

This is coming from someone who has never been married. Okay. So I'm just saying, if if you're gonna get married, then there is some level of comfort there that you're thinking um that this person is going to uh take care of me um, you know, in some shape, form, or fashion, because you know, um, couples, whatever arrangement works for you as a couple is what works for you. It may not be ideal for society or whatever. And so if it's that the man took care of you emotionally and you know, you all go 50-50 financially or whatever, is whatever is important to you, right? Right. So um, I almost forgot where I was going with this, but the um when you got married, here's the question. When you got married, did you still feel, did you still at that point consider yourself an independent woman? You did.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

Yeah, so interestingly enough, I I have um how do I want to say this? So when I I got married very young, so I graduated from college in December of 91, and I was married by October of 92. Ooh. Oof. Oof. That's a whole episode in and of itself. But um, that's what was required to get my two babies to this earth. So I needed to marry that man to bring those two children into the earth. So, so that's you know, that's why it happened. That's the only reason I can give it because I was just so young. But I I remember, and we were made and we were married for four years before we had children.

SPEAKER_02 15:38

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:39

So um, that's a good little bit of time, you know. I didn't get married because I was pregnant or anything like that. It was just what we thought we should do.

SPEAKER_02 15:49

Which, if that's your decision, that's your, you know, if people out there do that thing. Right.

SPEAKER_01 15:54

It's not your your journey. Right. But I remember at some point while I was married, I don't know if I had children. I think I had children at this point, but my father, who I adore, um said to me, You always need to be able to take care of you and yours. He's like, You the mama, you need to be able to take care of your children. And my parents adored my ex-husband, treated him like a son. And it was nothing against him, but my dad said, a man can move on anytime he gets ready. So you need to make sure that you're prepared to deal with that. And, you know, later, you know, after having been divorced for a number of years, my dad said, Yeah, that sounds like something I said, but I think you took that out of context. But I took it as fact. Like I needed to be prepared to handle this life with my children on my own because you don't know what the other person's gonna do. And I and thank God I interpreted it that way. The way that you did, right. Because that's what ended up happening. So when it happened, I wasn't so devastated. I was just like, oh, well, my daddy told me this was a possibility, and so I didn't miss a beat, and I just was like, okay, this is this is my lot in life. Anyway, I say all of that to say, um, I don't know why I said all of it. But but it but I think that it it, you know, I was forced into being in, you know, independent, but I started out in the marriage feeling like an equal partner. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:42

So I think that's kind of where I was going with um my question, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 17:47

Yeah. I I always felt like an equal partner, but it was because we didn't make the same amount of money because there still is a gender bias, right? Yeah. So he was an electrical engineer and I was like in information systems, you know, comp side, that kind of thing. Um, and we went to work for the same company, actually. But his electrical engineer, he probably made maybe over $20,000 more than me coming out as a woman. And um but I was like, well, I'm just as smart as you, and I'm just as capable as you, and I'm just you know, so I never felt small, I never felt like he was responsible for taking care of me or I wasn't capable of taking care of myself. I was just like, we're partners.

SPEAKER_02 18:37

Okay, that's that's fair, that's fair. Um, so fast forward to today, you're dating, I'm dating.

SPEAKER_01 18:47

Do you think that no, I'm in a committed, serious, committed relationship? I'm sorry. Yeah, I because you know, dating is a very different context.

SPEAKER_02 19:00

I you know, I want to be clear. All right, so Sherry is in a say it again, serious, committed relationship. God bless her and him. And what about you, though? You are too. Yeah, I am, I mean, but I listen, I use dating loosely, like I do too, but I just don't want I want to be clean. No, I get it, because I I use it in the sense that I'm not married, so you know I'm dating, yes, monogamously, but I am dating. Like we're not married, so anyway. That's another whole time. Do you think that as an independent woman who is in a committed relationship that your independence can be confused with unavailability or unwillingness to compromise? Yes, you do, yes. Did you want to say it for this camera to me? Yes. Alrighty. Any more parts to that question? No, that is a question mark after that.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

Yes. And and and this is very timely for me. Okay. Without giving up too much of my business. It's the team. It's just it's it's it's it's difficult because depending depending on the partner and the situation, it can be interpreted or it can be taken personally. When it's not personal against the partner at all, right? It is it's very much about me. Yeah. And and it's and it's um and I would even say it's not from a selfish perspective. Okay. I I don't think that it's not selfish in the negative sense of the word, but no, it's not it's not selfish. Maybe a smidge self-centered, and I see self-centered and selfish as being two totally different things. Um, but I it's it's just very difficult to balance it all because you do need, you know, we a little long in the tooth, right? We we're not young anymore. And so we've had all. I I mean, I'm I'm thankful that I'm my age because I have friends that didn't make it to be this old, right? So I I I don't mind being older. Um everyone doesn't everyone does not accept that, but I I I appreciate it. And I think that um with that you had a whole life before you met this person. Right. And so it's almost a little weird that if you meet someone and start dating them, they have all this time available for you. It's like, well, what the hell were you doing before you met me? Like you what were you just sitting around waiting to meet somebody, or were you living your life? And so, you know, I think that men can't appreciate women who have a full life, they want to be the center of the universe, and they are very offended by a woman who has a full life, who is independent. Um it's it's a bit off-putting to them.

SPEAKER_02 23:03

Yeah, I would agree with that. They do want to be the center of everything. And listen, I there are a lot of things that contribute to that. I think sometimes the way that um mothers mother their sons um contribute to that, and then I also feel like there's this demographic of women uh or y or ladies or whatever who um sort of perpetuate that school of thinking. Um are they independent women who perpetuate that school of thinking? I mean, they I we would have to ask them if they consider themselves independent. Um I I just don't know. But you know, in my position within a relationship is just that we we need to receive equal amounts of attention. Like I it doesn't I don't operate well and lopsided.

SPEAKER_01 24:11

Um I'm sorry, I I was just thinking, but I I didn't mean to interrupt you. Um I I think the thing that I struggle most with is if we both have our careers and we're both very, very busy, you know, I actually enjoy what I do. Um you know, I don't make millions of dollars, but that doesn't matter to me. I I enjoy the the problem solving and things that are involved with my line of work. And if I have a partner who is also very busy and you know, working full days and things like that, I to me I can't reconcile if we both have busy careers and we're both giving 110% working 10, 12 hours a day, for example, and working out and having to prepare meals and do laundry and all of that. How is it or why is it because I have two X chromosomes and you only have one? Why am I relegated to doing the laundry and cooking the meals and cleaning the house and all of that when we're both just as busy? I don't I that doesn't we're doing the same thing, right? We're we're both busy, and maybe I might not be as well compensated for my busy as you are, but that also has to do with gender bias and all of that other stuff going on out in the world and chosen professions. For example, if I was in social work, I might not make as much as an astronaut. I don't, you know, I don't know, but but why is that? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:59

So I'm just like, no, I don't want to, I don't want to cook because I'm tired too. Right. And to your point, before you met me, you were doing this, all these things uh on your own. So why are you then expecting me? We were both doing these things before we met each other, and then you want me to take on yours as well as keep mine and handle all of our uh you know things. So no.

SPEAKER_01 26:27

Um, and we're not even saying, well, I don't know what you're saying, but I'm not saying, like, if we if we were living together and I'm washing clothes and I'm putting clothes in the washing machine, I'm not gonna separate out yours and say, I ain't washing your clothes. Like, I'm not doing that. However, if we both live in separate places and I'm washing my clothes in my home, then you should wash your clothes in your home. I'm thinking. Or or you know, or cooking. I mean, we both have to eat, so we, you know, we can share the cooking task wherever we are, you know, whatever. But I I just and if we were cohabitating, then that's different, right? Because that, I mean, if you just if now that's just being hateful. Like if you ain't gonna wash the person's clothes and and you doing laundry, that that's a little trifle. A little bit. But I don't understand I don't understand.

SPEAKER_02 27:30

Again, I just see it as you know, um how women have been viewed historically.

SPEAKER_01 27:39

So let me ask you this question. So if we're saying independent women shouldn't have to, um, and I'm using laundry as an example, but it could be anything, right? But say if that that man in a relationship with an independent woman is still, should he still be, you know, paying for all the meals and and the trips and and things like that? Because then that, you know, is that kind of an imbalance if he's doing all of those things that are traditional, um, but the woman isn't, that creates a disparity too, right?

SPEAKER_02 28:20

Yeah. So I think, first of all, communication is important because I think people just go into these situations and things happen and it's it's a reaction that happens. Like people react to these things, and it's no it's it's a reaction based on some type of negative something that comes up based on something that we never discussed, you know, or or developed any parameters around. So I think that happens a lot. Like there's no communication about who, you know, what the situation will be. Um and so I think that is very important, though, to for the two people to have an understanding of how what does this relationship look like? It just doesn't happen often, but it is um, you know, it so I think having that conversation um helps both parties to not have these expectations that um the other person doesn't live up to because we already discussed this, you know, in terms of um, you know, what would happen.

SPEAKER_01 29:32

But what if you discuss it? You know, we do this often, you discuss a topic, and you know, the one or both of the people say, yeah, yeah, well, but I can change the person. Or um, well, that's not gonna be the case forever, you know, and and or maybe the person just doesn't believe what's being said. Like what do you mean? So for instance, say if a woman says, I hate cooking and I'm never gonna cook, and you love to cook, so you you be the cook in the relationship. And he goes along with it and at some point he gets tired of cooking. Which is fair, because who likes to cook? I don't know. I mean, I kind of like cooking. But and then he's like, Well, no, now you need to cook, and and then just kind of shifts the the agreement, or if he's like, you know, halfway down the road, he just shifts. Like what and you've had conversations about it, but so then what does that look like?

SPEAKER_02 30:48

So I think that you know goes into that that uh whole thing um kind of feeds into you're never gonna be dealing with the same person from that you dated, that you started dating. So people are always evolving, um, people are always changing, and I think that's another thing that always um causes hiccups in uh relationships because you're never dating the same person. That's true, you know, that you end up marrying or that you continue to date because people are always changing, and I think that's just due to um life, you know, uh how um or or their experiences through life. And so it just it's it it doesn't sound realistic, but communication is is like everything. So if it comes to that point that you know uh he wants to change, you know, how you all are doing things, then have a conversation about it. Y'all may just end up like, I don't know, doing some I don't know what the situation would be like. Uh it it one option might be, well, okay, well, won't we do like this engage a food prep service or something like that? Like it's sometimes it's just not even that serious, right? Sometimes, yeah. Right. So, but um I think it is again, communication is is very important, and particularly within relationships, because we often just let things happen, you know, and react to them, which sometimes we don't have a choice, like life happens, so you know.

SPEAKER_01 32:48

So my my other question about independent women is do independent women really um want to date? I mean, I mean it's a it's a total like truly independent women, like you know, I was talking to someone earlier and um she's just kind of decided, yeah, I'm not dating anymore because I don't want to compromise and I don't want to, you know, do the things that are necessary to do when you're dating a person. So, you know, how how much does that play into it? Like, you know, if you're an independent woman but you're still interested in dating, you know, how do you reconcile that? Because there's gonna be a good bit of compromise. So, how much compromise is enough? Do you do you give in a hundred percent to what your partner wants you to do?

SPEAKER_02 33:55

Like, no, no, you don't ever give in 100%.

SPEAKER_01 34:01

No, no, but then you might not be in a relationship anymore. This ain't working for me.

SPEAKER_02 34:14

Yeah, I mean, listen, I don't know. I don't have the answer to that. Um, because I know of quite a few women uh within our age bracket that are at that point, just like, but I also so there are a couple things that I'm seeing. One is that um they're not bent on dating anybody. Like it's kind of like it become, you know, if somebody comes and they can string some sentences together, grammatically correct, you know, they have an income, whatever the uh criteria is, um, they they may be worthy of engaging. Um, but the other side of that is a lot of women in our age bracket have also relaxed their criteria.

SPEAKER_01 35:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 35:15

So, and I'm not saying that this is a negative thing or like it's whatever works for you, but depending on your desire to have a partner or whatever, you know, your criteria. I know my criteria has changed, um, but there are still those things that are absolutely no, don't even come over here with that. Such as obviously something like uh cheating is like a no-no.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:45

Um once upon a time for me, I wouldn't date um a guy who had children. And I'm now dating a guy who has children, but like they are grown. Right. So, but you also right now, you wouldn't catch me dating somebody who has like an infant.

SPEAKER_01 36:06

That's a whole podcast right there. Because I know someone who did date a guy with a younger child.

SPEAKER_02 36:13

Yeah, no, I I can't do that. Um that's a lot, yeah, and and I'm not taking care of you. Like, don't ask me for no money. Um, because like what were you doing before you met me? Uh, don't come over here with no without a job, like, you know, then just use that and just like go on and find yourself somebody else because I ain't the one.

SPEAKER_01 36:44

But but to be fair, some men are saying y'all all independent and you take care of yourself.

SPEAKER_02 36:51

Yeah, we are because we had to, but go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 36:55

So, why am I responsible for taking care of you? And why do I have to pay for all the meals and do all, you know, pay for all the movies and the tickets and all of that stuff?

SPEAKER_02 37:09

I believe that this is generational, right? To a large degree, but uh, you know, there there are still uh that school of thinking around gender roles. Yes. You'll hear a lot of women say, well, you're the man, so you um, you know, I I just I don't really subscribe to that because I will even now, like, I I it's not a big thing for me to if um me and my uh boyfriend go out or partner go out. I think boyfriend is I know it's I'm too old for that.

SPEAKER_01 37:50

Because what I'm not doing is dating a boy. No, no, he's a whole man.

SPEAKER_02 37:57

I will, you know, we go out, I'll pay for a meal or whatever. Like it's not there are bigger things for me to be thinking about than that's true, um, you know, trying to force on him that you're gonna pay for this. No. Um he cooks, I cook. You know, so again, it's it's about what works for the two of the people who are in the relationship.

SPEAKER_01 38:21

That's the bottom line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it doesn't matter who's doing what, how y'all come to terms with it. I think that if the two people decide how they want to live their lives, what makes the most sense for them, and they agree on it, then that should be enough. Right. And it they shouldn't care what outside people are gonna think, what family members are gonna think, and because we're too old for that.

SPEAKER_02 38:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:51

I mean, at this point, there's absolutely no reason why I should have to consider family members. And you know, I'm I'm a daddy's girl, but my daddy's probably like, please somebody take. Absolutely. I just want my baby girl to be, you know, taken care of and you know, all of that, not in a financial way, because this was the same man who said, be able to handle yours, right, right, but just to have a companion because him and my mama have been together for they were high school sweethearts. So I think they see value in companionship. But the the the thing is when you start dating later in life, um, well, you don't start, but you find a relationship later in life, right, and you don't have 30 years behind you. So, you know, my daddy don't care where my mama goes, as long as she's safe, as long as you know, you know, there's certain parameters, right? But he's not he's not complaining about her hanging out with her girlfriends or going on a girl's trip or anything like that. He's just like going to have fun, right? But if you're in a relatively new relationship, what's enough? Like, when like how do you balance that? Because you've been off independent for decades. So if you've been going out with your girlfriends and spending time and doing brunch and you know, playing tennis and all of that, how how or why do you stop all of that?

SPEAKER_02 40:25

Yeah, you don't. I that's that you don't, and I mean, I think with younger relationships, um the lack of experience, and I'm saying younger. As in newer relationships, or you mean younger, the partnership generation I'm saying generationally younger, um, I think there is um some of what plays a part in that is the lack of experience of you know uh the the um there are a lot of conversations and issues that come up that they just have not had experiences with. Let me ask you this. Even given what you just said, and you know, we both agree that really it's about what the two people agree upon, the parameters they have set within the relationship, does um the independence of the woman still cause issues?

SPEAKER_01 41:39

Yes, yes, we're not allowed to be independent. We're not, I mean, unless we start dating like our generation, unless we start dating younger men, I think it's still a problem for for people in our generation are older. I I think you are supposed to be hold into the man and whatever he says, I think you're supposed to that goes. Um she said I don't know if y'all heard that, but she was like it was like all down deep up in here.

SPEAKER_02 42:24

So do you think this is my last question, do you think that the independence of the woman contributes to why we're seeing fewer long-term relationships, or is it due to changing expectations or a combination of both?

SPEAKER_01 42:42

That's a um I think it's a combination. I think it's a very complex uh question because you know there's the independence of women, you know, that factors in. I think there's the expectations of men. Um I think that there is um societal pressures. I think that people are more vocal now, whereas before we would just go with it and just you know, try to make the person happy, but we're we're not um as opposed to conflict in our lives, or we just walk away, right? So there I think that we allow for more tension in our lives um because we're we're trying to make it work, but we still want to hold on to a piece of ourselves. I mean, I I I mean, if I can speak personally, I think that's what it is. You know, we still value the relationship, and so we're willing to deal with some of the tension and the discomfort to try and come out on the other side because there's value in the relationship. Yeah. But and it's like this ain't this ain't really difficult. To figure out, we just both have to be open to compromise. Right. And it can't be just a lopsided compromise. So I don't I don't know. But society is changing a lot. And it feels like maybe because I'm a woman, it feels like women are changing at a faster rate than men. Yes. Um so there's some difficulty there. Well put.

SPEAKER_02 44:34

Well put. Well, listen, this is a topic that as you can, as you all can tell, we can go on and on about this because it's a layered, um, it's a layered conversation. There's so many things that contribute to um, you know, women seeing themselves as independent and how they operate, you know, uh within relationships. And so um, but we want to hear from you all, women and men, you know, what your thoughts are on are women being too independent within relationships, right?

SPEAKER_00 45:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:18

Uh, what do you all think? And do you all think that that contributes to the demise of relationships or if it's a healthy thing within relationships? Why are you giving me the side eye? Um because because I'm not done with it yet.

SPEAKER_01 45:34

I want to figure this out. I I just I just I'm hopeful. Like, I just want I just want men to be like, you know what? We like you more independent. It's more beneficial to everyone for you to be independent. We think it's a good thing overall for you to have your own mind instead of being a bobblehead just doing laundry. That's what I want. Okay in my heart of hearts. But yeah, I'm gonna leave it there. Okay.

unknown 46:08

All right.

SPEAKER_02 46:09

Well, we want to hear from you all. Yes. We definitely want to hear from you all. So comment under this uh episode, uh, whether it be on Instagram or YouTube or what have you, comment and let us know what you all think about this.

SPEAKER_01 46:27

And we know that we have some really smart, well-informed listeners. So if any of you are like, I don't know, therapists, social workers, if you've seen anything in your practice, if you've studied anything, because y'all got y'all real educated, if there are tips and tricks and tools that people can employ to help facilitate, and not for me. I'm not not not for me necessarily. Um, but you know, if there's You're asking for a friend. Asking for a friend. Right, for a friend. If there's things that you can use ways to communicate to help facilitate it, because I think it is important to be in healthy relationships. I think that, you know, I I did do some some research, and the number of people who are opting out of relationships, period, is really this like is a survey. They opted out. They opted out, they check the box and said no, thank you. Don't email me no more, don't text me no more. I've enjoyed that already. And I think that from a uh from a society perspective, that's a problem. I think it is important for people to be in relationship, and I think that it's you know, it's beneficial for a number of reasons, it's just becoming increasingly difficult. And so, you know, all jokes aside, um, I think it's important for us to learn from one another. I mean, we just presented you all with a bunch of problems, a bunch of questions, and with no answers really, and just a lot of opinions. Yeah. But if you all have some things that you can share with us, uh, you know, seriously, I'd be very interested in hearing about it because it's a very real problem, especially within our age group. And and a lot of people are opting out and what old age looks like or aging looks like without a partner. You know, we're making it work because we have to. But if there were, if there was another way to do it, I think people would be open to that.

SPEAKER_02 48:44

Yeah, and I think to your point, there's this whole, you know, level of if you're going to come into my life, you need to add to it and not, you know, take from it. So there's that also.

SPEAKER_01 48:55

There is that, yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_02 48:58

Um, so should I try to wrap this up again?

SPEAKER_01 49:00

I'm sorry. You all probably can you anything you're thinking about me personally and what's going on with the love of my life, scratch all that. Y'all are wrong. Send your questions in, post them under this episode. Everything's fine.

SPEAKER_02 49:21

Just asking for a friend. But yes, no, that's good though. No, that's good. So, yes, we want to hear from you all. Remember, we are on YouTube, we're on all social media uh platforms, we're on Spotify, so you all can listen to this, and uh we're on Amazon as well. So let us know what you all think. We want to engage you all, and uh, we want to provide some helpful content, you know, that would be helpful for anybody. So let us know your thoughts, and um if there are any particular questions that you all want us to pose during an episode, we're happy to do it. So let us know. And to that end, we will see you all on the next episode. Ciao! Thank you for joining us for this episode of Two Chicks One Vibe. Remember to subscribe to our YouTube channel and to like, share, and follow on all social media platforms and Spotify. Let us know what you think in the comments, and we will see you all on the next episode of the video.