#007- Jake LaFave- The Exponential Learning Curve of Parenting

Welcome back! In this episode, I sit down with one of my good friends, Jake LaFave. Jake and I have known each other for about 8 years and always have good conversations while also managing to mix in a good amount of humor. Join us as we dive into whats its like to be a parent in your 20s, how to take life lessons from sports, and the mental struggles that come with illnesses and injuries. I had a lot of fun with this and it really felt like we flowed really well, so there was no need to make it feel like an interview. I hope you enjoy!

Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:00

Yeah. Um, I was gonna I I was like in the middle of sending you that room code. I was like, I was like, did I just summon you? Because I didn't actually like copy and paste or anything. I was about to send you like the room code and the passcode. And then I just like I saw my screen get like minimized, and then I just tell you like pop up. So what's up, man?

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Oh, just living the dream, kinda relax.

SPEAKER_03 0:34

Yeah, yeah. Are are you yeah, are you um are you off work right now or is Kaylee off work?

SPEAKER_01 0:40

Uh I've been off work for the last like right, it's almost two months now with the concussion. So I go back supposedly tomorrow, but I don't think we'll be working. So I mean with the snowstorm and everything, I don't see that happening. But allegedly tomorrow is supposed to be the day where I come back. So yeah, but other than that, Kaylee's kind of been off and on, depending on how the baby's doing. Um we've both gotten sick a couple times last couple weeks, but yeah, dude, it's been going around.

SPEAKER_05 1:23

I was I I did an episode with one of my friends, I don't know if you watched it, but I did an episode with one of my high school friends last week, and it was so bad because I was just getting over a sickness, and I was like sniffling and coughing and like moving the mic away from my face so I could like clear my throat a hundred times. It was kind of gross, but it was like, dude, I got sick like a month ago, and then I was fine for like five days, got sick again, and I was like, dude, am I like immunocompromised right now?

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Dude, that's literally the same, like, so I got sick, I got so I was supposed to come back to work, right? And I had one more appointment to um to get cleared, and I uh I wake up early in the morning, I'm like, all right, go take a shower. Don't want to be a disgusting human being. So it's like let's shower everything. Really bad, sore throat. Like stood up kind of lightheaded. I chugged a couple waters first, like, okay, let's get it going. Yeah, I get in the shower, and all of a sudden the next thing I know is I'm like upward fetal position on the floor outside of the shower, and I'm like, what happened? Turns out I like had like a little blackout where it was like more it was like not getting enough oxygen due to like being as stuffed up as I was, um, all that stuff.

SPEAKER_02 2:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

I go to the I go to the doctors that day and they're like, uh you need to go to the ER. And I'm like, well, I figured you guys could just tell me what was going on.

SPEAKER_05 3:03

I figured we could just bypass that like right now, because I mean one stone, you know?

SPEAKER_01 3:08

Yeah and turned out to be influenza A.

SPEAKER_05 3:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

And it kind of made everything really complicated with going back. And then uh so I was sick for about a week. And then my wife was sick for a week. We had about three days off, she got sick with something else, and uh after that for about a week, and then I got whatever that was, and yeah, and then afterwards our daughter got something completely different than everything for a couple of days. So I was like, there's there's a couple different things going around.

SPEAKER_05 3:51

No, for sure. That's that's like what it felt like because I mean, usually, like, you know, you get sick with something, and as long if it's the same thing, like your immune system will react to that, build the fences, and then like you won't get it again right away, which is why I was so confused because I got pretty much the same symptoms, like back to back. And I was like, dude, like, am I like do I need to like make sure I'm not immunocompromised right now? Like, what is going on?

SPEAKER_01 4:17

Yeah, it it's so bad right now, like with everything going on, and like weather-wise is bad.

SPEAKER_05 4:26

Um like the changing, because it was like 25 degrees and the next day was 50, and then it was back to 30, and it's like yeah, the changes are not subtle, especially like when it's around the time of year when it's not like quite springtime yet. Like, yeah, even if like the calendar is like this is spring, that's not what Upper Michigan says at all. Yep, they're like we can't I'll make it snow in April. Like, watch, just watch me. Yeah. So dang. Did you okay? I gotta ask, did you did you get the concussion from falling in the shower?

SPEAKER_01 5:02

No, I actually got it from falling on ice while I was working. Oh man. Like I slipped, I slipped and fell, or I guess I was in the midst of falling, and I'm like walking, trying to take a turn and like walking down somebody's driveway or uh like walkway. Yeah, walking back, and all of a sudden I feel my ice cleat on my boot break, and like my foot slid forward, kind of took everything. Yeah, and I'm sitting there, like as soon as I started going back, I'm like, all right, either go back and just smoke the back of your head and take a little nap, or turn your body and try to hit everything else, but the head. Yeah, and so I turned to my left, and then I hit my knee really hard, hit my elbow and shoulder, yeah, and then I hit my head anyway. So it's like it's I I just like to look at it as minimizing the damage, but yeah, again, like being out this long is I couldn't imagine what it would have been like if I went straight back and just right there.

SPEAKER_04 6:13

Yeah, well, I mean, that can give you more serious things than a concussion, too.

SPEAKER_05 6:17

Like that can seriously like mess up your um like your brain because your cerep cerebellums back there. It's like that's why there's like MMA rules that you can't like hit people in the back of the head. Yeah. Because like it can literally like change a people, a person's life.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

But yeah, no, and it's funny too, because like I got picked up, my boss picked me up. We went to the doctor's office within it, had to have been a record diagnosis time for a concussion. Because I go in and does the whole light, does the like kind of feels around, sees what hurts, what doesn't, asks me a couple questions. It took him probably 50 seconds, he's like, Oh yeah, you got a concussion. And I I get out and uh my boss is like, Well, did you already tell him your baseline was low enough?

SPEAKER_05 7:04

And I'm like, I should have, but I didn't yeah, well, um yeah, I mean concussions are like one of those things that it's like so broad spectrum that it's like really easy to diagnose because if you meet like any of that criteria, they're just gonna be like, To be safe, we're gonna diagnose you with concussion. Yeah, and then like we'll figure out like the severity of it later and later. But um, I remember like before cheer this season, they made us all do like the online testing. So I had to stand in like an empty gymnasium and like do like put my phone down and it would be like stand on one foot for as long as you can or whatever. And so then it was just like whenever someone gets a concussion, they have to take that test until their numbers go back down to what they got when they originally took it. Yeah, so it's like you can kind of see like the progression, but yeah, and I I kind of did a little like self-examination with that.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

Like the first couple days, obviously, I didn't like do much. I kind of just laid in basically on this bed, lights off, nothing, yeah, on. And but after that it was kind of like okay, like from based on how my how I feel about it, it's like, oh, can I do this longer normally? Can I not? Kind of thing. And uh yeah, and it's it's something that honestly should be mandatory with anything, like not even just like obviously sports, but like even at a job, like a blue-collar, like yeah, like physical work job, you should have to actually take one of those to be able to see, like, okay, how is is everything actually healing? Are you trying to just get back?

SPEAKER_05 8:58

Kind of thing, yeah, and sure. That's that's like the thing too, is it inhibits like more than people think. Like your sensitivity to light is something that people don't understand how important it is, like just like working outside or like working on a computer screen, and then like your reaction time, how it can like inhibit your ability to like drive a vehicle, and like like it just becomes so much more dangerous if if you don't like take care of it in the right way.

SPEAKER_01 9:29

Yeah, and um I I remember I was sitting there afterwards, and it was probably after like the adrenaline wore off, pretty much. And I'm sitting there and I'm like I'm looking out in the car, I'm like, ugh, sun is just so bright. Like, have I not been outside before? What's going on? Yeah, and and that's kind of when I knew I'm like maybe I should call about this. And then I got to one of my stops and tried walking in a straight line, and when your body starts like you want to go like this, yeah, my my body was going like that. So I was like, Yeah, that's enough for me.

SPEAKER_05 10:09

I think that's probably yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

So, but we got it diagnosed and everything, and another thing I did find out too was because I had I've had I've had concussions before, and I found out I guess from what I remember recently is you're actually supposed to sleep as much as you possibly can on a concussion instead of trying to stay awake. Because I guess new studies have shown that um when you you sleep, like obviously when you sleep, your body heals itself. Yeah, and I guess it's just something that would have made sense to me if you would have told me this 10-15 years ago where it's like, oh yeah, if you sleep, your brain will heal faster.

SPEAKER_05 10:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

And because when he told me that at first, it's like, yeah, just sleep as much as you can. And I'm like, You want me to die, don't you? And he's like, No, it's yeah, it's new studies and all that. It's it shows that it's more beneficial to sleep than to not. Because and I asked, like, well, where did the whole don't sleep thing come from? And it's like, well, some people with severe concussions would go to sleep, not realize a brain bleed or something extra happening.

SPEAKER_05 11:27

That's that's that's what I was gonna say is like the nuance with that is um like two things can be true at once, right? Um so like I I I do remember like reasons that I've like learned about in school and stuff that it's like the first like sudden onset of a brain injury, like we don't want people sleeping right away because like if they have a stroke, then like they have symptoms that obviously like are gonna need to be monitored, but you can't monitor them if you're not awake. And then that's also something that's like permanent, like you can't just like reverse the effects of a stroke, yeah. But yes, no, for sure. Like after after you clear clear out all that and make sure, yeah, it's just just there's just a little bit of internal damage, like sleep as much as you can.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

And what they did to that, like when I went in and they kind of said, like, hey, um did you like were you knocked unconscious, all this stuff? Like, do you feel any discomfort anywhere else? And I guess if I were to be knocked out in that situation, they would have ordered a CT scan to check everything before I left. Yeah, and thankfully I wasn't. Um and like everything was, I guess, best case scenario for the situation um where I didn't need it. But that day I passed out, they sent me to the ER, I got a CT scan, and I was sitting there, and like the doctor came out after when he got my results, and he's just showing me pictures, and he's like, This is your brain. So, like, you can show people you have one. And I'm like, I'm sitting there, I'm like, okay, well, that's good to know. Like, there's been a lot of speculate speculation on that, so like I can finally prove, yeah, I got one. But what does this mean? Like, what and he's like, Well, you see the smiley face here, and I'm like, I guess, yeah, and he's like, That's all water, and I'm sitting there freaking out. I'm like, supposed to be water in my brain like that. He goes, No, yeah, everything's good. And I'm like, you could have just led with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 13:38

Yeah, one thing that people don't really think about is that your brain isn't like your head, like your skull can like includes your brain and then like the fluid around it. So it's kind of like just bouncing around in there, and a little bit is fine, but when it gets bounced against a wall, then it usually slings back and hits the other side too. Yeah, that's where you get a concussion. Exactly. It's like uh not necessarily like because I could hit my head like this as much as I want, but if my head like goes like this, that's when like your brain smashes the side of your skull on the inside, and yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

And another thing too, I didn't, I guess, like learning through all this was uh physical therapy helps so much with a concussion. Yeah, like I went, and at first I was like, what are they gonna do? Are they gonna like just massage my head for an hour? Like, what's gonna happen?

SPEAKER_00 14:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:37

And because like I'd never heard of that before. Like the whole PT for a brain injury, it's like, how are you gonna reach it? You know, it's not like a joint muscle where you can kind of actually like get in there, it's like there's a shell here. Yeah, and what they did was they kind of we did some stretches and stuff to kind of loosen up from basically like here down to below my shoulders. And like I guess when you hit your head hard enough, and it kind of gives you not like I don't know what the term is, but like it's kind of like whiplash where it's like you tense up and when you're falling, and it kind of tightens everything up in this area. And what they did was the stretches, and then they took this like metal bar kind of like rolled, like almost roll, like it was kind of like a roller almost where they kind of took it from here, kind of went down, and then they kind of felt the tenth spots as the weeks went, and felt it kind of uh like it would loosen up, and then they can kind of see like where normal is, and it relieves the pressure of the um neck, so your headaches aren't as bad or you don't have them as long. Yeah, and yeah, as somebody that's never really suffered from headaches, I don't know how people do it.

SPEAKER_05 16:07

Dude, I yeah, I've I've never been like a person that gets like migraines or anything, or like suffers from like like if they don't drink enough water in a day, even it'll be like they get a headache or if it's too hot out. But um, like until I met my girlfriend, like I didn't really know anybody that was super like that, but now it's like like she gets them a lot, and it's like so scary because a lot of things too, like with the migraines, is it's like a headache, but then it gets progressively worse. And if you don't like tap into like taking meds and like getting your body in a bed and like your eyes closed, yeah, it'll keep getting worse, and then it's like past the point of no return. And yeah, yeah, dude, they're scary.

SPEAKER_01 16:51

That's that's my wife to a T. And the the worst part about it is she'll take meds, and if it doesn't go away, it's my fault. So I become public enemy number one in my house because of a headache that she had because she has drank too many Red Bulls and Dr. Peppers in the past month.

SPEAKER_00 17:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:14

Yeah. So it's like I but after this whole thing, it's like if I never have a headache again, it'll fill me too soon. Yeah. I I'm done with them, like hopefully.

SPEAKER_05 17:31

It was it it it was like I really like I said, I really do not get them like at all. But then um, when I was sick the last time, it was like two or three weeks ago, um, I was like sleeping on the couch because I didn't want to like wake my girlfriend up from sleeping in the bed because I was coughing so much because I was yeah like ill. And so like just being like horizontal, like it just makes you cough so much more. So like I had cough drops in medicine and ibuprofen and whatever, but then I got like a pressure headache and it was like a ring around my head, yeah. But then I couldn't stop coughing. So every time I coughed, it would like tense up in my head. Yes, oh, it was the worst night, like literally of my life. It's horrible.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

And when I was sick too, like kind of the same thing where it's like on top of the headache I had up here, I had that same thing here.

SPEAKER_03 18:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

And another thing, like I was running a fever. I had I like every single night I went to bed freezing cold, and I was like, all right, well, I've known I know how being sick is, I'm just gonna sleep with a top sheet, nothing else.

SPEAKER_02 18:45

I'd I'd wake up in a pond of sweat.

SPEAKER_01 18:50

And it's like I've I've taken every measure to avoid this, and yet I wake up having to peel myself off the bed.

SPEAKER_02 18:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

And it's like, and that along with the headache and the coughing, and it's like no, being sick, like I don't it kind of gives me the thought of like, when have I ever like when was the last time I felt like truly 100% healthy?

SPEAKER_05 19:18

I I really noticed after being sick twice, like in a row, like how much I value being healthy and how much I really like take it for granted. Yes, because I was like, I just like noticed my everyday life, and I'm like, man, I would love to go like for a walk today, but I just physically know that if I were to do that, I would come back and I would feel so much worse for the rest of the day. And I'm like, when did I go from I don't want to go for a walk because I feel kind of tired to I don't want to go for a walk because I won't be able to function as a human for the next eight hours after? It's it's age.

SPEAKER_01 19:56

That's what it is.

SPEAKER_05 19:59

I can't remember like where I heard the quote from, but it was like everybody has a million problems until they have a health problem and then they have one problem. Yep. Like everything just kind of goes away. You're like, oh, maybe my life isn't really that big of a deal because this sucks and I take this for granted.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

Yeah, and like if being off, because like usually in the winter I'd play go and play hockey. In the summer, I go play baseball, softball, I'll go on runs, stuff like that. And being off of playing hockey for as long as I was, like that, and then that's when I really started to feel it. I'm like, wow, I'm getting out of shape, like my body always hurts with being sick, didn't help anything. And afterwards, I'm just like, well, if I just minimize into a puddle, it might be the best thing for me. And so it's like, yeah, it's like I take it for granted, like, I don't feel like doing that, so I can do this later, or just like sit on the couch and watch TV and not nap. And then once you're sick, it's like, wow, I would kill to breathe out of two nostrils for a lock.

SPEAKER_05 21:11

Right. That it's just such like a defeating feeling when you're like laying in bed and you like try to breathe in, and you just nothing's coming through. You're like, all right. And then you just you just start mouth breathing and it it just makes it worse because you can hear yourself.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

Yeah. I would turn on my TV over there trying to go to sleep, and it's like I'd have to turn the volume up just to not hear myself breathing.

SPEAKER_05 21:44

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. It's it's it's so gross. I like hate myself when I when I'm like sniffling too much. Because the thing is too, like, I know it annoys the people around me too. But like I'm not, I'm I'm like so. like ignorant to like blowing my nose and taking medicine that it's just like I annoy the people around me.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

Yeah. And and the the thing about it too is like when you when it's really like dry and back there and you try to get the that like going to try to get it to the front.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

And it's just like solid enough to where it ain't movements and you hit him with that big no yeah. And everyone stares at it stares at you like you just committed a felony and then bragged about it. That's the worst.

SPEAKER_05 22:41

Yeah like I I'm gonna go to the bathroom and just I'll just like sniffle and cough for a little bit and then I'll come back out and join you guys. Yeah when I don't feel like making unnecessary noise.

SPEAKER_01 22:55

And the best time to do it though is when like for me personally is whenever my wife is at her angriest with me.

SPEAKER_05 23:05

And that's when I just like okay you're you're not happy I feel disgusting let's make it a show you know let's let's just turn this thing up to 10.

SPEAKER_01 23:19

Let's light the fire yeah let's light the fireworks yeah it's let's see where it takes us it usually takes us in not a not a great thing for me because then I just end up getting yelled at and like just defeated at the end of it because it's like everything she says is like true. And I'm like you know I guess I was in the wrong here. You know I didn't think about it like that.

SPEAKER_05 23:49

And that's that's on me. Yeah it's I'll deny it for a little while but now now I've kinda I've kind of accepted it. Oh I'm the problem well let's check the notes oh yeah you're right yeah yeah no for sure yeah for sure yeah I'll um I'll put I'll I'll make sure to put that down in my notes I'll forget about this next time but just no it's always back here. Yeah I think I got rid of it with a concussion so I'll forget about it next time memory card wiped dude all credibility gained we're still back as soon as soon as my memory wipes I'm the greatest human to ever exist.

SPEAKER_01 24:28

Oh until one minor inconvenience and then I'm a burden to the world. Yeah oh for sure I I slightly overcook my eggs and I just think about what it would be like to bleed out on a park bench yeah yeah so yeah that's a nice insight to my life well well that so that's good it's it sounds like you're about about over all this yeah most of it for now yeah it's it's nice getting to the seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and the whole thing and it's like the the nice thing is is I've been able to stay home with my daughter for the last two months basically and got to spend a lot of time with her and uh kind of that I guess if you're to take any good out of or any good out of the situation it's like well I got to spend time with my family um especially after the Christmas season where it was 60 70 hour weeks from almost like beginning halfway of November to halfway through January. Yeah so it's like the getting to spend some time at home with the family has been been nice.

SPEAKER_05 25:52

Yeah yeah for sure um yeah so Iris is what she's almost seven months old now she is she was born in it was August right seven months and two days oh okay okay yeah yeah yeah I knew it was it it was around August because I knew it was like around the fair August 13th it was that I so when that all happened so Monday I tried getting that week off for vacation because I knew that um she was gonna be due either that week or the week after.

SPEAKER_01 26:30

Yeah and so I tried getting that week couldn't get it so I took the week before and the week after the fair and um so Monday which was her due date of what was it the 11th I think something like so yeah and she like nothing was going and we're like well let's go to the fair we'll walk around a few with her a little like a couple hours and uh because I guess walking has been known to help induce labor. Yeah and she was in no mood to go an hour over that 40 weeks. And so we went and it was a good time we stayed for like three four hours got some food hung around and then but I got lucky not having to work that day. And then the next day I get called in to go out and run a distance route and I'm like okay well whatever and then I get a call from Kaylee because she had the doctor's appointment that day to set up an induction and uh she goes hey don't think about it too much right now but I'm going to labor and delivery right now and I'm like um excuse me you just said not to worry about it and then you said that so like what are we talking contradictory statement yeah yeah like not to mention I'm an hour and a half away from town and she's like well it's not confirmed like they're just doing some tests and everything and I'm like well call me almost immediately or even during the like what they're telling you. And she's like okay I will so as she told me not to worry I immediately worried for the next three hours or so what else was there to do you know yeah and I called my bosses and I kind of told them what was up and um they go why'd you even come in today like if this was going to happen I'm like I we didn't know it was gonna happen like this. And they're like well um we'll try to figure something out keep us in the loop and they kind of were just we were texting back and forth trying to figure out what what the plan was but to just keep working until something happened. And then she calls me she's like yeah I'm getting induced right now and I'm like like right now she's like yeah right now and I'm like okay well I'm gonna let you go because I'm gonna hyperventilate in the back of the truck and then I'm gonna have to make some phone calls text me if you need anything before I get there I can pick it up call my boss and they're like well we got a plan um one of your coworkers is going to meet you with the truck he's gonna like drive his personal truck then you you guys are gonna swap you're gonna take his personal truck all the way back to Escanaba you can punch out and then um when you come back just you don't even have to stop in just put your thing away and head out so meet the guy and he uh gave me the keys to his truck drove it all the way back to town and um called Kaylee I'm like okay I'm stopping at the house I gotta grab the essentials like a pillow a blanket some snacks a switch all the the big things and I asked her I'm like well do you need anything and he's like and she goes well maybe like McDonald's or something and I'm like okay I can do that I get through get everything go through McDonald's I get her her normal two cheeseburger meal with fries I get a meal of some sort go drive to the hospital ask like hey where's where is she and they bring me to her and I hand her food and she goes yeah they just came in five minutes ago and said I couldn't eat so I'm like well do you want me to go in another room do you want me to like just turn around while I eat because obviously I don't want to eat in front of her but I hadn't had anything to eat that day yet so it's like and she's like just eat right now I'm fine so I shoveled down my food her food and then I was kind of just like just sat there for a couple hours until they brought her into the delivery room and uh so she went she got induced at like 11 11 in the morning maybe and so all this stuff epidural every painkiller you could possibly get and the next morning she starts pushing at about 8 a.m and uh she keeps pushing until about 3 3 30 so yeah she was in there a while and then ended up having to get a c section because just her head was uh stuck on her pelvis so she got a c section and she was in she was in labor for more than 24 hours basically and but after that everything was good so she was due on the 11th induced on the 12th born on the 13th so it's it's crazy like I still like as much as I can recall of it there's still so much that it's like a blur yeah I remember after the seat like after they took her out and like they handed her to me I'm like holding her and I'm like oh my god this is the coolest thing in the world yeah and I look over at Kaylee and she's pale white puking into a bag like and I'm thinking she's dead and yeah and I'm like and I looked at her I'm like you better not leave the leave me as an only parent and she passed she passes out and I'm like what what's going on and the lady's like oh no she's fine she's fine and uh I'm like well she better be fine because I don't have the uh the utilities to feed this child right now yeah and uh but they we all got brought back into our room and I will as a side note too I was terrified the fact if she needed a c section to see something and I'm like so say the uh tarp is like right here right yeah I'm literally like this like hiding behind it and she uh and as soon as they're like oh the baby's here I'm just what's going on over here and they're like well do you want do you want to take a picture? And I'm like of all that like all of it they're like yeah and I'm like like yes no well yeah and I I found out that the only thing about it that I found disgusting like pass out disgusting like I watched them put the epidural in I watched that whatever you'd want to describe the surgery mid surgery but the only thing that kind of made me queasy was when she was pushing and like the pain sound like the sounds of pain I'm like ah I don't think I can do this. I had to step out of the room for breath of fresh air for a second and yeah like well I always well I'm glad I'm glad you're okay I I did a lot I did a lot in those three days like I'm glad you made it through that experience it was it was an equally tough day for all of us well props props to her she uh like went through hell and then decided to go back for seconds before right yeah that sounds that sounds intense but in the at the end of the day it's like it's worth it like yeah it's like a part of me during it was like people do this five six times in their life and they're like yeah let's do it again and at first I'm like I don't think we'll ever get past one here and but after you get like after you meet them and they start to gain a personality and stuff and you're like oh yeah okay that's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_05 35:40

Right. It's like we went through all this shit but there's like a there's a tiny human with half of my face on it. Yeah and like they're growing and becoming a person like I am yeah I hope I hope she gains the school smarts not of me but Lord help that child if it's got the common sense of their mother love her to death but sometimes she can just be as we all can but there to me it's just like I found the most dense human being oh man but she'll say the same thing about me so it's like you know yeah but yeah that's that's insane. I I mean you're like the first one of I would say like my closer friends that has like gone through all of this and it's just like really crazy to see like this is this shit's like happening to like all of us now like this is like the part of life that we're going into. It's really crazy to see.

SPEAKER_01 36:51

And no matter what anyone will tell you like even me two years ago I would have told you like no I want to wait until I'm like I have enough money I'm stable enough to be able to provide when in reality it's like thinking back now it's like it is very cliche to say but it's like you'll never have enough money you'll never have enough stability and that's where I feel like my stability comes from is like I now have a clear path of what I need to do. Like I gotta like provide I have to make sure this kid makes sure that she can call me names when she's a teenager and like we gotta get her there get her up and like instead of being like oh what should I do what should I do it's like I know what to do. Yeah and no amount of money is really gonna do anything because it's like everything is if you work on or if you care about it enough it'll all work out in the end. Yeah and it yeah and uh that's one if that's the one thing I could say to anybody that's either like thinking about it or wanting to like you'll never be ready for it. Yeah like sometimes I look at her and I'm like was I like this like was I kind of a shit stain at times and then I'm like well obviously I was everyone was because everyone's been a baby before and it's like but then once like in before too was I hated the sound of babies crying like in public places that somebody shut that kid up and now it's like it's almost like dad mode is like oh what can I do to fix this like what can I do to help and it's it still can get frustrating especially at the beginning when like you have no idea what you're doing and sometimes I still feel like that it's like should I do this should I not like what the like what's the move here and like there's a night we uh went out to Green Bay for the night with uh a couple of Kaylee's friends for her bachelorette party and uh I had to stay at the hotel with the baby for like five hours by myself and this is the first time she would ever take a bottle or was supposed to take a bottle and uh she cried for four hours straight and there was a point where I just put my headphones in and apologized in my mind to everybody within a room or two of us. So like it's one of those things where it is frustrating at times but once it's done it's like yeah this is worth it for sure.

SPEAKER_05 40:03

Yeah well and like it's it it's one thing that uh some people don't necessarily realize unless they're in that situation where it's like if the baby's cry like that means it needs something like that is its way of um communicating with people like yeah if they could come out of the womb speaking perfect English that would be great. However that's just not how things work.

SPEAKER_01 40:29

Yeah and it's like and the worst part about it was is at the time she really liked being in her car seat. Like she would pass out pretty much right when I put her in it. And so I would feed her like I fed her a bottle she ate about half of it and then just started crying again and I tried feeding her again she didn't take it she wouldn't want it tried holding her all this tried bouncing her around playing with her nothing would work so I put her in her car seat and uh she fell asleep pretty much immediately brought her out to the car I ended up going to get Panda Express for dinner and then Trick filet for Kaylee for when she got back. So I went got those she slept the whole time perfectly yeah I get her back in the room I just leave her in a car seat just like okay get as much sleep as you can once you wake up I'll get you out and uh I finally set I get everything going like good to go I set my food down cracked the lid to that orange chicken one bite in and she starts screaming and I'm like all right here we go this was programmed this is time to time to lock in. Yeah and uh she ended up getting her to go to sleep after like 30 minutes after that and she was out for pretty much the rest of the night and uh but that is a uh hair on your chest moment like it's do or die and like that's the only thing you feel is like if this doesn't work I will pass away from something and looking back at it now like with what I know now at this point it's like I could have had her sleeping within 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_05 42:24

It would have been easy.

SPEAKER_01 42:26

There's a learning curve involved and it comes it comes up quick like the first couple days easiest days of your life with a child from up to the point that I've seen because all they do is sleep they'll wake up to eat they'll fart a couple times change a diaper back to dreamland you go yeah and then they start to get like not obviously not gain consciousness but like start realizing there's things happening around them. Yeah and they're a little more um like oh trying to feel everything trying to do all this like what's going on over here what's going on over there and another thing I didn't know until we had a kid was that um babies don't have like eyesight until like two months and when I found that out I'm like oh we got a Ellen Keller baby here like and yeah but she yeah like two month and then like she's bonded to me at this point I think because I was the first one to hold her because Kaylee was half dead basically yeah and I did feel really bad that I was the first one to hold her but like she's such a good kid. Like she'll cry and One and all this stuff, but she's very interested in everything. Like the first thing I noticed she liked watching on TV because, like, we're not very like, we limit screen time, but it's if we're watching TV, it's like she'll watch it too, whatever. The only thing I've seen that really keeps her attention is NFL football. She loves football.

SPEAKER_00 44:29

That's good.

SPEAKER_01 44:30

Like, there was a time where I had her, like, she's on my knee and we were watching the Lions game. She's happy, happy, happy. And I turn her around and she just starts throwing a fit. I'm like, okay, turn her back around, stops. Just locked in on the TV, not a peep. And I'm like, okay, I'm sorry, kid, but you're gonna be in for a lifetime of heartbreak if this is where you're starting.

SPEAKER_05 44:54

It is Sunday. It is Sunday.

SPEAKER_01 44:57

Yeah. And so it's like she's learning to crawl already. Um, she's making like babbling at this point. Um she can she's rolling around the house at a flick that I didn't even think was possible.

SPEAKER_00 45:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:16

Like I you can set her down on her little playmat and walk, literally walk to the kitchen and walk back about 10 seconds. She'll be across the room. And then if you like try to call her over, see if she can go back, she'll kind of like sit up by herself, then she'll like go forward, then roll, and then do it all over again until she gets there. And it's like, is this normal? Well, it works for her.

SPEAKER_05 45:46

Yeah, yeah, she's she's figuring it out. Yeah. Um, have you ran into anything that you like that nobody really told you about since being a dad? And it's like I guess this kind of makes sense, but nobody really like outlined it specifically for me, and now it's something that you're dealing with.

SPEAKER_01 46:06

Yes, there's a couple, and one of the big ones that the biggest message I can share, especially for me. Like, if if somebody would have told this to me beforehand, I could have prepped myself.

SPEAKER_02 46:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:22

When babies poop, it is at first, like at first, it's like black and tarry. It doesn't smell actually. It like in the worst way imaginable, it kind of smells like sweet. So it's not like the poop smell. But then as she started getting older, I thought diapers were this like ingenious invention that would just fix everything.

SPEAKER_00 46:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 46:54

And when I wake up to uh like I come, I wake up and pick her up, and I'm just smelling something foul. And I turn her around, and it is literally all up her back to her neck, and I'm like, Do you not have a diaper? How do you poop up to go up? Like, and that was the biggest shock to me was like babies break physics in that way. But like diaper diapers aren't a hundred percent foolproof. That's the one thing I wish, like, and as of late, I don't know if she's getting some like hydraulic pipe power in it, but like we had a stretch of like four days where she pooped on at least an outfit, like through a diaper, and it's like, yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_05 47:59

And then like it is so gross changing a poop diaper right now because it's like it's a liquidy, and it smells horrendous, it's just going through that period of like like the body just like doing this thing and like adjusting, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:23

Yeah, and another thing too is like when you're changing a diaper like that, and the baby's old enough to have like motor movement and like control of what they're doing, really, and they're just slapping around, and it's like just stop.

SPEAKER_05 48:40

Let me let me do this first, like, and then I don't care, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:44

Yeah, and it's like that's one thing I wish somebody would have told me was like I knew changing diapers was gonna be bad, but like last time I changed it, I literally had to call my wife to tell her that I was like throwing up while doing it because it smelled horrible and looked awful. Yeah, I'm sitting there like wiping and I'm like and like trying to hold it all in, and I'm like, Well, I am the biggest pussy in the world, and I I told my dad that and he's like, Yeah, and you think you were an angel trying to change? And I'm like, No, definitely not, but like was it like that? And he's like, Yeah, grow up, and I'm like, all right, all right, yeah, yeah, that's the one big one, and the second one that I would say is uh not particularly with the baby, but the postpartum hormones is insane, where it's like mood swings, weird cravings, it's kind of like pregnancy where they have like weird cravings and stuff, but it's like afterwards even the smallest thing can set her off. Yeah, and it's like just a lot of like I wouldn't even say walking on the eggshells, but like me trying not to be for the lack of a better term, me too much.

SPEAKER_05 50:31

Yeah, yeah, it's like it's like she she's going through that you don't want to be the reason like she comes home to you and you come home to her to be like the to be like the bring you back up to baseline person. Yes, and you don't want to be the person that like ruins that, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:48

Yeah, and it's like have I missed the mark on that? Oh, I've probably shot the opposite direction of that target and just pissed her off, not knowing I was doing it until it was way too late, and I'm already um way too deep into an argument or a berating, and it's like all right, I'll I'll take a step back, yeah. And yeah, and that's a big one that like people should probably know about, and I it's probably different with everybody. I'm not claiming that I know all for sure, and I and I know like she went through all that for nine months, and then like having a whole human inside of you, and then when it's gone and your hormones are so out of whack for so long, and it's like, yeah, you're going through some stuff that I can't even understand. I'm gonna try not to make it worse, like yeah, and yeah, those are the two big ones that I would say, but other than like the diaper thing, it's like I and they say that they don't come with a manual. They the hospital kind of does give you a manual. Like that's the biggest lie I've ever heard somebody say was like, well, they don't come with a manual. Uh yeah, they do. It's a 10-page paper right here.

SPEAKER_05 52:18

Like for the most part, all of your problems are pretty trivial. It's like, yeah, it's it's a big part of, but I mean, I'm I'm sure you've it's like it's like doing anything for like the first time and getting better at anything. It's like you do it, you suck at it, you learn, you get better. And I'm sure you're like at that stage now where it's like if she's crying at a certain time of the day, you have a pretty good feeling what that is and what to do for it and what she likes, what she doesn't like.

SPEAKER_01 52:46

That's and that's actually the newest trick I learned was she hates sleeping. So, like, or she hates naps. She doesn't hate sleeping because when she's she gets into a deep sleep, you could literally play an hour long worth of flip knot on max volume, and she's just gonna be like out. Yeah, but when she's getting to that part of the day where she needs her naps, if she doesn't go down for one, try to hold her like face into me. And if that doesn't work, I lay down with her, like flat on the couch or the bed or wherever we are, and she will start to cry a little bit and whine. She'll try to sit herself up. So I just kind of press her back down into my arm, and that goes on for about five minutes, and then out from anywhere from a half hour to two hours. And um once she's asleep, I pick her up, I put her in um this little like sleeping mat that we have for her, and cover up with a blanket. And when she wakes up, go back to playing with the bouncer and all of her stuffed animals she has. And yeah, so sometimes like the crying is not um it's not always a sign that they want something, it could just be a sign of them being tired. And I didn't, I guess, I guess another thing too that I was told, but I never really understood, was you can like after a little while, you can kind of discern the different crying to what they want. Like she cries a certain way, she's tired, she cries a certain way, she's hungry, cries a certain way, she's bored. And and then sometimes it's like she'll whine and cry, and it's like, oh, she wants to just be held right now, yeah. And so that's one thing I would say is another thing of like not even so. I wish I was told that because I was, but it's like I wish I understood how beforehand. But it's something that like in the moment you're kind of like, like, I'm never gonna get this. You you understand it pretty quick. Yeah, and it's like there's still those odd times where it's like, what does she want? No clue.

unknown 55:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:38

So yeah, it's it's a learning curve for sure, but a worthwhile one, yeah, as well.

SPEAKER_05 55:48

For for just like for example, it's it's just like uh like you shouldn't be discouraged if if you're not good at it, just yeah, to start off, because it's just to reassure you that like you will get better at it. And it's like it's not this unbreakable code, and you're not a bad parent if you suck in the beginning.

SPEAKER_01 56:16

Yeah, and it's like if you ever run into a dad with a brand new kid and he's like, Oh, I'm so good at this, do not trust that man with anything in your life because he's a big fat fucking liar.

SPEAKER_00 56:29

It's a huge car salesman.

SPEAKER_01 56:32

Yeah, look at this one, it's only five thousand dollars. No, it's it's one and like I know myself, like I quit I quit drinking before we had her, I quit pretty much everything once we found out because I'm like, I I know my personality too well, and I don't want to be that guy that's especially in the moment of like say that situation where maybe I wasn't at work and I was like, oh, maybe I'll throw back a few drinks, then I have to find a ride to the hospital and all that, and it's like and it's like that's just for me. I know there's a lot of different people that do a lot of different stuff, but for me, my best course of action was like no more drinking, um, like nothing like that, just be sober all the time, because if I were to let myself go with what I was doing, I probably would have had to have my stomach pumped a couple times and maybe had somebody else's liver. So yeah, and it's it's like it's like a prolonging of my being here for them, yeah. Whether they like it or not. Yeah, but and it's like that's just one thing I wanted to do to better myself before the kid arrived, and like, do I miss miss it sometimes? Yeah, but like at the same time, it's like everyone's got their own thing. Yeah, that was my thing when we had we had her, so it's like I would say if people are expecting to, don't be afraid to change things. But if you're comfortable with what you're doing while you're in that situation, that's up to you. Like, more power to you. I just didn't feel comfortable in my situation with that, and uh yeah, so and nobody's good, like immediately you think you're gonna be good at it, and you're not, and you kind of get your get down a little bit, and you're like, wow, I am useless. And then after a little bit, it's like, oh wait, mom has to do something, I have to watch the kid. Here's my time to shout.

SPEAKER_05 58:56

Yeah, and yeah. So um, I I was wondering, have you because when you talk about like like being sober through this process and stuff like that, um a lot of people use alcohol and other things of the like as like a coping mechanism. So I I would say have you discovered anything new about yourself, like ways that you deal with stress that that are like separate from that, that you're able to like generate in a productive manner and like a sustainable manner. Because uh obviously, like being being a parent, like the challenge never stops. So I was just wondering.

SPEAKER_01 59:45

Yeah, I would say there's a couple like for me, my ever since then, my biggest stress reliever has been like video games. Um and like that's always been kind of a thing for me. But with the when when drinking got introduced into my life, I was like, oh, this is nice, I feel good. But then after I quit, it was like I started like going and playing like fourth more. I started um like kind of jotting down different things, like what's going on, not like a like on my notes app if there's something that's really weighing out my mind, put it down in like my notes app and then come home and talk to my wife about it. And stuff like that kind of helps. Um going on runs helps to clear my head. Um, but the one thing I do that I was really happy I realized is I just like I don't know if it must have been something like internal here or here, where when I was drinking, I was like, this is the best thing ever. If I smell it now, I'm like, I don't even like that's disgusting. Yeah, and it's like it makes me think like, did I hate it that whole time just with something else going on? And it's like it's for me, it's a better um alternative to what like doing what I do now than drowning my sorrows and booze, so to say. Yeah, and it's like because I still do get if I get fired up, it's I'll be fired up for a little while.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:48

But when I was drinking, it was like I don't want to say I was rude, but I was very petty hours. If I like if I were to just drop something and I was drunk, I'd be real petty for to anybody for the rest of the day. Yeah, and that's not cool to do. No, and but yeah, so it's like it's it was best for me to get it out, and I have found that I am happier today than I was like when I was drinking and all that, so and and it's like and even a lot of it is almost like clarity of my as we said before, like physical health, where it's like my it runs in our family for uh to get the gout when you drink beer, especially. I don't have time to deal with that. I don't have I don't want to deal with that, I don't want to do anything even remotely towards that area of like drinking illnesses, I guess is a term you could use, but yeah, that was another thing that kind of helped me quit where it's like this outweighs that by a million. So yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:14

Um how how important is it um in times like this when you're you're going through a lot of stress, you're trying to navigate doing things for the first time, how much more important is it than if it were not going on to communicate with your partner? And like the the communication aspect of a relationship and how it factors into what you're going through right now?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:44

It's the biggest thing. Like, even if I weren't going through this, I would still tell anybody that would lend an ear communication with your partners the and it's the it's the most important thing. Now, are we good at it? Yeah, I mean, maybe compared to some, but to some we're probably really bad at it. So, and it is essential, I would say, especially in the situation I'm in now, is like communicating your feelings because you have the added stress on top. And if you don't, that could bubble over and you could explode, maybe do something stupid, and it could spiral out of control all over just not telling the other person how you feel about something, and like it's I don't think it's something that anyone's perfected, and at least that I've seen, and uh that's where all the root or roots of most problems come from is lack of communication, and uh when like when we first had her, it was kind of like it was really good for that first couple weeks just because we already knew and understood what we needed to do, and then I went back to work and she went back part-time, and I'd get home late, and um with the and especially if you're working like a 40, 50 hour week job. You go to work, you come home late, the last thing you want to do is do chores and stuff. And we had a lapse in communication then where it was like she would work Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and then have Monday, Friday off. And I would work every day from nine o'clock to it could be it could have been seven, it could have been ten. So it's like, and sometimes I'd come home and after the stressful work, and then Seeing something that could have been done. And I just kind of like snap almost. Or not snap, but like it's snappy. Where it's like, and that's never good. Like, I don't want to do that. I never like I try really hard not to. Yeah. But it's something that happens, I feel like, to most. And but with a simple, hey, next time can you do this? And maybe do this for me. And it goes both ways. So it's like with that simple, like, hey, do you think next time you can do this? Try not to forget. Thank you, whatever. That could save a lot of headaches. And before that, even it was like going, like making plans and not telling your significant other guilty as hell. Because I'm a very last-minute plans type person. And my wife is like, you need a RSVP to her cousin's birthday party that's in seven months kind of planner. And so when I tell her, like, hey, going to do this tonight, um, she'd be like, Oh, well, I had like, why didn't you tell me this? Blah, blah, blah. And it's like, sometimes it's unavoidable, sometimes, or most of the time, it's like, yeah, probably could have planned this a little in advance. And it's basically what I'm trying to say is a little communication can go a long way, and it is essential for a working healthy relationship.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:43

And even if like, again, I've never seen somebody that's perfected the communication side of it, but it is probably the most important thing with like my wife and I, especially. That's where and like once like we'll have arguments and stuff here and there about it, and we figure it out, and it's usually over something that stupid, just something so dumb and trivial where one sentence could have fixed the whole thing a week ago. Yeah. But yeah, it is and then in raising a child, it's not only like having your intentions known to you and the other person, it's also like it comes down to even like, oh, if she goes through grandma's for a couple hours, it you have to go pick her up. Don't forget, like, actual like verbal communication of instructions.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:50

And I haven't forgot yet that thank God to go pick her up. But it's like it's a lot of it saves a lot of headaches if you can figure it out. So yeah, that's and again, I'm probably not the right person to say, like, oh, you need to do this and this. But from my experience, it's like don't be as dumb as I was.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:25

Yeah. Um so I I kind of want to pivot just a little bit because um we obviously went to the same high school.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:36

Um, we played sports. I mean, you you were in sports pretty much your whole life, um, even like through college and stuff. And like you said, like you're still let's go, no sports, baby. Um, but I I was just because I mean you said even still, like you still play in hockey leagues, you still do um like baseball in the summer. Um what are kind of like some of the things that you've learned from sports, whether it be from just coaching or like um being in like a team environment in general, like what are some things that you've taken from that and been able to like apply to your life um like in general or even like through fatherhood and stuff? Because like I can I can say for sure, um like even just since I started powerlifting like the things that I take into into like my own life and apply um just like the idea that like failure is eminent, but it doesn't have to be expected. And uh just like I I I've learned to be much more like resilient and uh reliant, not reliant upon other people, but like being able to work in like groups that like what are some of the things that you've learned from sports and taken and applied?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:02

Um so one a couple big ones is like through baseball and hockey, it's like when applied to my personal life, it's like they have your back, you have theirs. And like that kind of feeling of like the team feeling of like, hey, if you are down, I'm gonna lift you up, and vice versa. Um that's one that I've kind of thought about. One that is probably something that everyone realizes is you're gonna have to deal with a lot of dumb people, and you can't the old saying is you can't fix stupid. Like, because I know you've met people in is like through sports, probably like that. Yeah, and it's like don't basically kind of taught the lesson of like don't uh waste your energy on something that you can't fix, like do what you can do, and like you can't control everything around you and all that, so that's another big one. Um for the another one, it's like the leadership kind of quality of like trying to lead like leading a team to something is like especially being married, it's like I gotta lead this household to prosperity, and but also don't be afraid to fall back on the others for help. Like you have a problem, you shouldn't be afraid to talk to your significant other for comfort or help, something like that. And uh that's one like at when I was playing at Bay, I had a lot of good friends there that I met through that team specifically that kind of helped me through some dark times, and like that's one thing I very thankful for is the camaraderie and the ability to like ask for help without feeling ashamed or lesser of myself, and it's like that's probably one of the biggest ones is like say you're in a dark place, you shouldn't be afraid to ask somebody like, hey, I need near, or yeah, can you help me out of this kind of thing? And that's a one that I've kind of I learned through a lot of the teams, but specifically my freshman year of college was the big one where we had a lot of great guys um that all wanted one thing, and that was to obviously be good at baseball, but also like have a good group mindset and a like a a bond between all of us, and it was it was really cool having that, and that's kind of been one of the things that I've tried to take with me as I've been going through the rest of my life at this point. Um but yeah, like a lot of like your your teammates are there for you, and you need to be there for your teammates, so it's like she's got a problem, I'm gonna help her try to fix it or listen, kind of thing, and it's a two-way street. So if I got an issue, I already know she's gonna be the first one asking who she needs to fight. So yeah, it's kind of a lot of like being able to rely on people without feeling bad about it almost is kind of what the biggest thing I took away from sports through my life. Um and the trying or uh trying to stay in your own lane, you can't change the world and do what you need to do to help the cause, basically.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:27

Yeah, for sure. Um, one of the things that I've I've come to learn recently is that leadership is less of a title and more of a job, more of an act. Um like you think of a leader as like the biggest, most outspoken voice on a team, uh like the most successful, whatever superficial traits you want to add on. Um, but it's much less of that and more being transparently human so as to encourage others to do the same and therefore like improve overall success.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:09

Because I think I think one of the biggest things, you know, you look at something like a captain, like a team captain, um that is someone that needs to acknowledge the fact that there are like they are human and that everybody can look up to someone who is a human and also might have problems that they need other people for.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:35

And it's just like this sense of you don't have to do it all on your own. And I think that's something that sports really teaches you is that like a captain does not mean you are invincible, it means that you rely on others just more like as much as they rely on you, you rely on them. Yes. And it's just like whoever can bring out the best in the people around them is what I would consider a leader.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:01

Yeah, I would agree. And it's like I uh if I had to choose between the two of like the types of leaders of like the big outspoken guy or the big outspoken person that you were saying, and then the person that you just watch and see them doing all the right things and not being afraid to help or stuff like that, like I'm taking the show up, do your stuff, do it right, and be there, like be a good person, yeah, really. Like there's pros and cons to both, but I think the uh lead by example kind of person is kind of the person I would like to be.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:48

Um, granted, I get a lot of things wrong, so it's like almost hey, whatever I do, just do the exact opposite, and you'll make it way further.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:57

That's that's a better movement for a leader. It's just exactly what not to do. Just set it up step by step.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:04

Pretty much. And yeah, but it's like it does teach you a lot about how to be useful in any situation, and it's like how you act, you could say all the stuff you want, but it I think it all comes down to how you act as a person and how you basically live your life. Like, if you're going around just tearing people down because you're the most talented or the mo like the best, like that's not a great leader, that's not a great captain. And but if you got the guy that's like, hey, maybe doing this wrong, see if we can fix it, and we'll work something out, try to figure it out, you know, and just goes, gets the job done, like that is where it all comes from, I think, of the actually being a leader.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:11

What what was it like um transitioning to because you you you didn't go to like a you didn't follow like the traditional college blueprint, like go to school four years, bachelor's degree, graduate job is what I think of as like the standard college blueprint. Yeah. Um, what was it like kind of transitioning from uh college and being a collegiate athlete and then going into like adulthood and like the workforce? Like, was there anything you had to like adapt to that you weren't necessarily prepared for?

SPEAKER_01 1:19:48

Um, yeah. Like when I first got to college, I was sitting there thinking, I'm like, because this is where it all comes, stems down from is um I'm not that intelligent when it comes to school. I don't know why I thought that was gonna change when I got to just harder school. But uh yeah, it was like my first my first year college, I was getting good grades and it was like, oh, maybe I am cut out for this. And uh like trying to balance school and baseball. It was pretty much like wake up, school, baseball, go to bed. Like practices were three hours long. I was never the type to go lift or anything, but I was always going to the batting cages with some of the teammates and stuff, and so practice is three hours, it's probably more five, six hours of your day, and then the rest of it's pretty much filled with school, and uh then our year got cut short from COVID, and uh so our season was canceled, all of our classes moved online, and I got real lazy. Like I'm talking circadian rhythm was completely flipped, wake up at 6 p.m., go to bed at 6 a.m. kind of thing. And I kind of didn't want to say gave up on school, but I kind of just pushed it off until it was too late. And I'm like, oh wait, school's already out. I had 14 projects to yeah, and then the next year I was like, okay, go in with a new mindset, like you like I wanted to go get my stuff done, and I just wanted to play baseball. And so I just I went, I wanted to take it easy, take one class, and that one class beat me to a pulp, and I was like, Yeah, nothing's changed. I'm still the same kid that barely tried in high school, so I dropped out and I was like, Yeah, we'll figure something out. I got a very lucky job offer, and at first it was like I didn't really want to go into the workforce immediately. I kind of wanted to just take a little time off. But luckily, I for the one stroke of intelligence I had in my life was hey, probably don't skip out on this job. And uh yeah, and I got that really good paying job right out. And I know it's not the same for everybody, but it's like it felt freeing at first, where it's like, okay, I don't have to worry about school, I just gotta go to work, punch out, go home. And I'll tell you, making money is a lot better than giving your money away to a school, in my opinion. Like, I know some people who are like way smarter than I am getting real degrees. It's like, yeah, school is probably the right way for you. But like, if I'm I wouldn't change a thing about it. And when I but as like the years went on, it's like, oh man, I'm an adult now. Like, I actually just have a job. Like, school, like school's pretty much off the table for me. Like, I have a nine to five, and but about that time where I dropped out of school is when I met my now wife. So it was like I had probably the luckiest time pretty much in and out of how my life played out when it could have played out much differently. Like if I were to drop out of school, I had no idea what I was gonna do if I didn't get that job offer. And I'm just lucky I con somebody long enough to marry me. So and uh, but yeah, it's like if you have a plan in place either for going through school and getting a job or like just skipping school and doing something else, like there's all it's all good, but for me, I think the transition was actually pretty easy leaving school and like going to the workforce pretty much felt felt right, yeah. Like it was like I don't want to say it because I feel like I earned a little bit of it, but truthfully, it it felt easy in the sense of like a no this is all a no-brainer, like can't let this go and wait for something else, and I know it's not gonna happen to everybody that does that, but I would say for me specifically, it was the best possible outcome. And yeah, so other people probably have different different saying about it. I'm personally a believer of I don't care what you do as long as you're doing what you like, yeah. Or if you're not doing what you're like, if you're not doing what you like, just don't complain to me about it.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:25

But um well, here's here's I'll I'll stop you real quick. Um, I kind of came up with this. Um, I mean, I don't know if I was like the sole creator of it, but I like to refer to this like mental sort of mental flow chart. It's very, very short. It is. If you are facing a problem, you put the problem in at the top, and then you go down to uh can you do anything about it? No, don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:58

That's it.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:59

Yes, drops down one step. Are you going to? No, down to the end.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:09

Yes, then do it. Yeah, you know, like it's I it seems pretty simple.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:15

Yeah, and I I think a lot of people get sort of in that in that like mental realm of oh my gosh, like I dropped out of college, I'm working a job that I don't like, and I guess this is my life now, but I hate it. Well, here's the thing that's not how it has to like it doesn't have to be that way. Like you have full autonomy to like college doesn't there's not a big, you know, like rejected stamp on your forehead that say you can't go back to college and like do something that you want to do. And I think a lot of people just take I think it's mostly just like a sense of security. Like, I have this job and I don't want to deviate from like my normal what I've been calling my life for the last so every long, and like what if it doesn't work out? What if I don't want to do it? And it's just like I think that that's only like the amount of time we have here is like very short, and like we need to make sure that we're living it to like the amount that we want to, and not just being sucked into something like, yeah, this kind of scares me, so I'm not gonna do it.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:35

Yeah. So and another thing on that too is like I do I like my job all the time. No, if you like your job all the time, you're either making way too much money to do it, or you're ignorant, or you're not good at your job, is what that's called. That's yeah, and it's like When I first started driving, I was like, I I don't know if I like this. I was working long hours, and it was like, oh no, I I just don't want to do this. I want to do something else. And then as the time went on, and granted, the pay raises are a big thing about it. And but it's like especially now when I look at what I would rather do, and I look at the money, I look at the insurance, I look at all this stuff, and it's like I don't hate my job, I just don't like some of the aspects of it. But if if you were to ask me, like, do you like your job? Yeah, I mean, I think I have a very good job that's I would say fun to do at points where it's like I'm not confined, like I'm outside, I'm not confined to a single space. I go to new places, trap technically travel, I guess, but yeah, it's like looking at it from a broad spectrum, it's like, oh no, this is the best thing I could have gotten in my life, especially with no college degree and just uh the high school diploma, basically, and some charisma here and there. All right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But uh no, it's like it's it's uh and but I'm not also gonna tell people like, oh, I live to work, you know. It's like no, I work to do what I like to, and I have a I would say an expensive taste. Um and my job helps me get that. So it's like yeah, I'm I can't hate it enough to like tell people, oh, this is the worst thing ever. I'm also not gonna tell people though that this is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Yeah, like the best if that I'm not winning the lottery with this job, but it's pretty much the closest thing, especially where I live, where it's uh pretty much winning the job lottery.

SPEAKER_05 1:30:15

Yeah. Well, and like the thing too is to your point, you said like there's no job in the world that doesn't have any bad aspects to it. Or I shouldn't say bad because bad is objective. It's like a subjective thing of aspects that you don't necessarily like about your job. There's no job for work where you're gonna like every single aspect about it. Like for me, I'm going into physical therapy, yeah, and I love a lot about it. But a thing with physical therapy is there's a lot of charting and there's a lot of notes and documentation that needs to be done to improve patient success and also like the legal aspect of it, but like it's for a reason. However, it's pretty boring to me, and I can just tell you right now that that's something that I'm not gonna like to do, but like you you really you have to weigh the pros and the cons because if you you you will net you won't work any job if you focus on like the bad aspects, you need to focus on the good aspects, and then once you you know find your way in that career, you kind of figure out okay, if I do this undesirable task in a way that's less undesirable, then I can kind of like bear through it and get get to what I like to do and just kind of like take along the less desirable aspects of my job because in reality, like they're not going away.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:49

Yeah, it's and it yeah, every single job has the stuff that stinks, and it's like I'm lucky enough where the most paperwork I'd have to do is to sign my name on a manager sheet to say that they watched me do my job. Like, that's the most paperwork I'd have to do. Yeah, and that's another big thing for me is like I don't like paperwork. Like, even going to the doctor's office and getting one of those things where it's like, oh, what are you in here for? Circle everything that's ever happened to you in your whole entire life. And it's like and it's like even that infuriates me. So it's like I don't have an equivalent, I might have an equivalent of that, but I could tell you it's a whole lot better than sitting there doing just jotting a bunch of stuff down on a piece of paper. And yeah, I'm not a big fan of what's the term monotonous work, I guess, where it's kind of the same thing, and uh where in my job it's like, oh, I could find myself in five separate areas five days in a row. And it kind of keeps the the palate clean of not getting too far into that whole um same thing every day kind of thing. So yeah, there's but at the same time, it's like if I if I did have the same route for ever, it might make the job better because you build more connections with people and you start to understand it more. But again, even when you get down to the subsections of the the jobs, there's always gonna be good and bad things to everything. So it's like as you said, you dwell on that, you won't last a day. Yeah. Yeah. So it's uh it's pretty interesting.

SPEAKER_05 1:34:12

Yeah. All right. Well, um I've kind of reached the end of my uh like semi, semi no. No, the end of my like semi-structure for this. So I guess is there anything that you would like to leave here that either you haven't said or that you would like to reiterate? Um, whether it's advice for people in your situation, advice just in general, like just I'll just I'll give you a minute or two and just just go for it.

SPEAKER_01 1:34:51

Um well, I would say for all dads listening, um you're not good. And the what's nice about that is the only way is up, so you'll only get better as time goes. Um everybody hates their job. Don't just try to find things that are fun about your job so you don't hate it. Um four to six month diapers defy gravity and they're disgusting. Um make sure you get decently priced um ice cleats so you don't fall, hit your head, and then be out of work for two months. Um but yeah, other than that, like I don't know. Did I real quick? Since I have you here, I gotta show you this. You're gonna love it.

SPEAKER_03 1:36:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:01

So I got my wife got me this for Christmas. I still have yet to hang it on my wall. Yeah, but I know you're gonna like it.

SPEAKER_05 1:36:10

Okay. Oh, you sent me a picture of that. Did I? I forgot. It was like a blur. Yeah, you sent it to me. I literally I was texting you on Snapchat like today or Friday when we were originally talking about doing this. Yeah, and I like scrolled up like two scrolls, and that was like the last say in chat. And I just like I just I just opened it, I just stared, I just looked at it for a second.

SPEAKER_00 1:36:34

Dude, it even it even came with like a thing you can like put the sword in. Like a little uh little holster.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:41

Yeah, and it's like if like I probably would need like a actually, I couldn't even do I couldn't carry this around because I can't conceal it. So like you can go on my wall, but yeah, yeah, no, I figured um, I didn't remember if I sent that to you or not, but uh yeah, that is sick, yeah. And I will I every time I sit in this chair, I just look at it and I'm like, I need a watermelon to like just dude, but uh this and just to say this room is always closed, and there is zero way my daughter can ever get in here. It is in a safe place. Yes.

SPEAKER_05 1:37:28

Um dude, that's actually hilarious because I was like, I was at the gym earlier and I was on one of the machines closest to like the front desk, and the guy that was working at the front desk was talking to somebody else about tattoos, and he was like, dude, I would I would love to get like a Demon Slayer tattoo. And then he was like, bang, and I was like, let's go, bro, let's go. And I was like, I was like in my head, I was like, I don't want to like barge on this dude's conversation, but I want to tell him like I I want to just tell him like the dude get the tattoo, but like don't get what I have because that like I already shared it with somebody, so like chill out. No, he was it was it was super funny too because he like kept going on and he was like, I really want like and I could see him ponding and I'd be like, say it, say it, bro, say it. And he was like, I think the Rengoku sword would be and I'm like, Yes, correct answer, correct answer right there.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:29

But no, you gotta change it. I already got that.

SPEAKER_05 1:38:32

Yeah, no, um, you can put it in Times New Roman, however, however, this is mine, this one's mine. Um, but no, that's ours, ours, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:45

No, that, and it's like, how long did yours take to get because I know we went to obviously went to two separate places to get them.

SPEAKER_05 1:38:53

Yeah. Um the like how long did it take to get into the shop? No, to get the tattoo. Like how long did the tattoo take? Um, I wanna say between like 20 and 25 minutes. It was fairly short.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:09

Now, when you were getting it, did it feel like they were tattooing your wrist and like your hand? Or did you get yours more on the inside? Because I I got mine like on the nerve here. And when he got to about here, I swear to god, because I had to lay like this. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:39:29

I was I was like this on the table, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:31

Yeah, and so I'm trying to look and see what he's doing. I can't look, yeah, because I can't see over my shoulder. I could have sworn he was tattooing right here.

SPEAKER_05 1:39:42

What? And I was hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:44

I was freaking out.

SPEAKER_05 1:39:46

No, no, no, no. So mine is actually the other way around. Like my hilt is towards my on that side, okay. Um, but I got it like directly along my ulma, like right on the bone.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:57

Oh, yeah, you got yours on your right. I got mine on my left.

SPEAKER_05 1:40:00

Yeah, but I didn't I didn't want to have it too far down on my forearm because I wanted it to be like if I held my hand like up straight, I wanted it to be like in the center of my arm. And so like I I didn't really notice much of that. It was it was more like I felt it pressing on like my bone. But like in terms of like pain, like it was fine. Um but yeah, no, it was it was super cool because it was like he put on the stencil and I I had him move it like once or maybe twice, actually. And so he was just like wiping it off, put it back on. He was super cool, and then like I sat down, dude did not say a word the whole time, and I was just like, all right, I even like closed my eyes. I like I was like, maybe I can maybe um you know, maybe I could take the maybe I could take a little nap for a second. And then at time it was and I was like, all right, you're not you're not a hell's angel, bro. Like, chill.

SPEAKER_01 1:40:58

So I uh I don't remember the guy's name that did mine. The best tattoo artist I've ever seen. Like he did, um, here let me pull up a picture of my brother-in-law's took him, it was the same crew of guys that did all of our tattoos, and I had one guy, he had the other. And uh it was like if I were to ever try to get that, I think I would rather die than go through that pain because it was he got in, I think it was like 8 a.m. and he was done at one or two. Yeah, I got in at like 1.30, yeah, and it was done by 1.45. Yeah, yeah, and I'm just sitting there and it's like it was insane how well everyone's tattoos pretty much came out, and uh yeah, so this is a picture of his. And it was one session.

SPEAKER_05 1:42:11

That is so sick, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:42:12

One session that's really sick. Super nice, yeah. And I'm literally just sitting there like crying like a little baby, basically, getting a 50-minute tattoo. And I I told my all right, I called my wife, and I'll I didn't actually cry. I I definitely could have if I didn't have so much pain going through my arm, but um yeah, I called my wife after, told her about it, and she basically laughed at me. So then she's got a bunch of tattoos and stuff, and uh she's like, Oh, you couldn't hit that one little tattoo.

SPEAKER_00 1:42:51

Oh, do you want me to get your bottle, little baby? And I'm like, you know what?

SPEAKER_03 1:42:56

Yeah, yeah, I do. Yeah, I do.

SPEAKER_01 1:42:58

Yeah, I also want you to cuddle me to sleep. No, and I think that's how I know she would kick my ass in a fight. She's so much stronger than me. She can get a tattoo. Like, I watched her dad took a video, or her mom took a video when they went to get tattoos together, yeah. Got it right on her ankle, and she's just sitting there like this on her phone, just scrolling, yeah. And I'm like, did that not hurt? A little bit, a little bit. I like the feeling, and I'm like, Whatever, bro. Okay, whatever. You need to be put in a home little uh grippy sock vacation, you psychopath.

SPEAKER_05 1:43:44

Moral of the story, tattoos hurt, don't lose with that being said.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:50

I do want to get another one. Oh, get one like right here. I don't know if you've ever seen Supernatural.

SPEAKER_05 1:43:56

I uh no, not personally, no.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:59

They have a like there's a tattoo they all get in the show so they don't get possessed, yeah, and it looks pretty sick. And I'd like to get mine right here, but I already know it'd be like a two-hour tattoo. Yeah. And like I don't want to be numb for a week, yeah, and uh, but I think it'd be sick, yeah, for sure. But yeah, yeah, moral of the story is if you don't think tattoos hurt, you either need to be shot in the space or you you're a liar.

SPEAKER_00 1:44:32

So or both.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:34

Most of the time both.

SPEAKER_05 1:44:36

Yeah. All right. Well, um, thank you so much for your time. I will uh I'll uh get you out of here. Um, but it was nice to chat. We will uh keep in touch.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:49

Sounds good. Thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_05 1:44:50

Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:52

Time to go make well, dinner's a couple hours past, but yeah, a second dinner never hurts when you miss lunch. Nah. All right, buddy. Um you have a great night. It's been good talking.

SPEAKER_05 1:45:04

Yeah, yeah, you too.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:07

See you later.