What I Didn't Know
What I Didn't Know is the unfiltered space where we explore the hard-earned lessons life throws our way - especially the ones no one warned us about. From the quiet ache of grief, the messy magic of motherhood, intrusive thoughts, deep friendships, sex, singlehood, marriage, to pregnancy, we get real about everything in between. Hosted with heart, honesty, and a little humor - this podcast is for anyone who's ever said "Why didn't someone tell me this?"
What I Didn't Know
The Freedom to Change Your Mind
We've all held beliefs we were once certain about, only to later discover they no longer align with our evolving understanding of the world. But what happens when those beliefs are foundational to our identity? What does it take to admit we might have been wrong about something we once defended passionately?
In this vulnerable episode, I share my personal journey from being staunchly pro-life to becoming pro-choice—a transformation that challenged my religious upbringing, my sense of moral certainty, and ultimately led to profound growth. This shift didn't happen overnight but emerged through education, questioning inconsistencies, and having the courage to sit with uncomfortable realizations.
"Your worth isn't tied to having all the answers. Real strength is being open to change when change is due." This became my mantra as I navigated the discomfort of changing deeply held convictions. I explore five reasons we change our minds: new information, emotional maturity, resolving cognitive dissonance, community influence, and identity evolution. Through my story, I offer six practical strategies for processing change with grace and integrity.
This conversation extends beyond abortion rights to examine how we form beliefs, what happens when those beliefs are challenged, and why allowing ourselves to evolve is one of the most honest acts of self-respect. In today's polarized world, perhaps the ability to change our minds might be the skill we need most.
Hi and welcome to what I Didn't Know, a space for the lessons that caught us by surprise. I'm your host, zenia, and I'm inviting you to sit with me in the messy, magical things about life, where we talk about grief, motherhood, healing, identity and everything in between. This is not about having all the answers. It's about honoring the questions. So grab a cafecito or something to drink, take a deep breath and let's get into it. Hello and welcome to another episode of what I didn't know. I am so happy that you can join me. This is our third episode and I'm so glad you're back. Um, this is an episode that I've been wanting to do it for a while, because I think it's really important and it's it's a good one to talk about. So welcome, get comfy, and here we go for the third episode of what I didn't know. I wanted to talk about changing your mind. Dun, dun dun. I know that it has happened to all of us, but what I'm talking about when it comes to changing your mind, I'm talking about big, foundational things within you that you held so close to you and you were just so passionate about. And then, one day, all of a sudden, you realize hey, wait a minute. Something's not right about this, like it doesn't feel right to be so gung-ho about this. That's kind of what I want to talk about. I think it's really important that we have these types of conversations, because it is very human that we change our minds, that we evolve, that we learn more things, we have more information and all that stuff. But it's also really important to say, hey, I messed up, I'm sorry. Like my thoughts were not like the most open minded or you know I was. I was wrong, like I really was wrong, and and being wrong is OK, it's, it's human and it's it's so normal and I'm sorry. Unless you're like Google or chat, gpt and even them, you're not going to be right all the time. So, yeah, especially goes for my Leos, because it's Leo season and I know some of my favorite Leos hear this, so I just wanted to share that. So, yeah, the conversation I want to have and this is a conversation that is really difficult for me to even begin is a conversation about abortion. Dun, dun, dun. Yeah, let me give you a little bit of background about this and why I decided I wanted to tackle such a heavy topic.
Speaker 1:I became religious. My parents were never about us going to church, like they never forced us into religion. They never pushed us into it. My mom, she really wanted us to have some sort of relationship with God, but I don't think she was ever pushy about it. She kind of just let us do whatever we needed to do about it us do whatever we needed to do about it.
Speaker 1:I for some reason decided that I wanted to be closer to God, which was something I needed, and I think I was a kid that kind of felt lonely often and I kind of felt like an outcast for a lot of my teenage years and I felt like I needed a closer relationship with God or like a spiritual being. So we used to go to a Catholic church and I never really felt connected to that, if that makes sense. Like, for some reason, it just wasn't. I just didn't connect. And if you're a religious person, that's okay. Um, I don't think religion is meant for everybody, and that's another thing I've changed my mind on and I would like to to a higher, higher power. When I was going to Mormon church I never prayed to Joseph Smith, because that's not a thing they do, but I did feel this pressure to to kind of fit in in a way.
Speaker 1:I also felt like there was just a lot of propaganda about abortion and and the women that do get an abortion, and I always felt like it's just such a big thing. So let me tell you that I'm talking about me changing my mind from being pro-life to pro-choice. So I was all against abortion at one point. Like I was like under no circumstance unless there was a rape or you know anything like that, but under no other circumstance should anybody get an abortion. Like I remember arguing with people which I know you know who you are and I am so embarrassed and I remember just being so passionate about it because growing up, the way I saw it and the way I was taught about abortion, it was you're killing a baby, that's what's happening, and these mothers and these women that are getting pregnant are irresponsible and are women that are using abortion as birth control. You know, I always was like yeah, of course, like if you're, like I'm always going to be against any type of violence against babies, children in any way. Right when I was in religion, I just was so moved by this. Like it was so important for me to defend the babies from these awful mothers that did not care for them because, honestly, like that, that is how it all sounded to me and that is how it was presented to me.
Speaker 1:I remember having a conversation with a friend and his name is Christian and I want to apologize to him because him and I had a heated discussion and I was just like nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, like no, and he was just so passionate about it. And now I understand why he was passionate about it and I am so sorry that I was being such a brat and such a religious jerk Christian. I'm gonna send you this podcast so you can listen to this episode of me publicly apologizing to you for that discussion. You probably don't remember, but I remember and it feels yucky in my heart, so I am so sorry I was wrong. I think it took a minute for me to walk away from religion and realize that. Wait a minute.
Speaker 1:If you are against hurting babies, why are you not against pedophiles? And this happens in all religion. There is a lot of instances of pedophilia and this happens in all religion. There was a lot of instances of pedophilia in in the mormon religion. There has been a lot of it in um the catholic church. There's been a lot of it in in all religions. So it's not okay for women to hurt babies, but it's okay for men to hurt babies men and women at that point, right.
Speaker 1:So I started just researching, I started opening my eyes to what was out there, and once I got to a university and I fully understand why people don't want other people to get educated because when, when you learn about life, you understand that a lot of things are not like they are being made to be. So once I was able to, to go to a university, to to really understand and really just also work in the medical field and see all the things that as a society we put a lot of people through, I think it started to click and I think it started to be like hey, wait a minute. You're telling me you don't want birth control. You're not giving people the opportunity. There's a lot of women that live in really bad relationships and they're being forced to do things that they might not want to be doing. They're being raped, they're being all these things are happening, and so you are telling me that that is okay, but getting rid of cells? Because at one point it's just cells and, as a mother, like I understand that now. As a mother, I understand how that baby is not a baby for a while at the beginning, and it's such a personal choice and I cannot believe I'm so mad at myself. And, like I said, everybody has an opportunity to evolve.
Speaker 1:But with all the bans and all the things that are going on when it comes to women's health, I think it is so important that we talk about changing our minds. Changing our minds is such a big deal. We have seen it today that there are women that are dying because they're not able to have medical needed abortions. There are children being raped that are gonna die because they're not allowed to have an abortion and their bodies are too small to carry a baby. And why aren't we fighting for these babies? Like, how can it be that you sit there and you point your finger and you I think this is what did it for me.
Speaker 1:I think this topic is what changed my mind. How can you dictate and say no, no, no, this is wrong about a person getting an abortion, but then you are so happy to look the other way when a child is molested, when a child is impregnated or when a woman is impregnated, and you're like you know what. It's okay because they deserve it, because this, because that, and you know that is such a hypocrite way of looking at life, and I think this was the big change for me, and just knowing how that's even a thing is what started my journey into changing my mind about this. So, like I said, I was all against it. I remember having conversations with a lot of people that were all for it and I was always like, nope, this is not right, like they just need to be educated, like it's not the baby's fault, like I was that person, I really was that person, that person. And then I realized, wait, like how can I, how can I be a part of this? Like, how, how?
Speaker 1:Like, after I learned and educated myself and realized that most women that are pregnant do not want to have an abortion, like most women are excited to have a baby, and I feel like that's also what we're not hearing in religious perspectives, and that was also like a really eye opening thing to find out for me that, because a lot of the times, when there's like a law or something that's coming for people to vote on, they ask you to just like you know, really consider, like that, a lot of these women are, you know, just out there being promiscuous and doing whatever they want to do, and now they're just going to come and have an abortion and kill the baby. You know, but that's what you hear, and so, like a lot of the times, you don't hear that most of the women that are having abortions are having abortions because they don't, they can't carry the baby, because there's something physically wrong with their body. Their baby's no longer alive in their body, because all these other things or you know, something terrible happened to them, and those are the reasons that nobody talks about. I feel like and those are the reasons that, when I found out, were the biggest reasons I, that was what changed my mind and that was what made me just be like, wait, hold on. I am totally like something's not right here, like I, there's just something that feels yucky, something that feels not okay in my body when I hear this. So I feel like that's what started the change for me, and then I just kind of listened to people that were in the middle of educating and performing and just helping women, you know, get the health care that they need and deserve. So that was basically it where the change started for me.
Speaker 1:I think one of the reasons why I really wanted to talk about this was because there are so many things happening in this world right now that don't feel right, at least for me, and I feel like a lot of the times we tend to see the injustices and feel the injustices and look and say, well, you know, but I already kind of voted this way, or I already kind of felt this way, but wait a minute, something doesn't feel right, like it feels like something's not completely OK. Or you know, like me, I knew so little about the topic and I was sitting there arguing about something that I just didn't know about and instead of educating myself, I was going by what people told me was not right, and I think this is one of the biggest reasons I wanted to talk about a topic like this. Let's really look into things like the world is so big and it's full of so many opinions and my, my opinion, my little opinion here in this little podcast, is just one opinion among all of them out there in the world, so I just don't think that there's just not one way of looking at life like I think we're we're we're always evolving and we're always changing and you know, today you might have felt like this was the right thing for you. Who knows what if I change my mind? I hope to God that I don't. But you know, like there's so many things in our lives that that continue to like, help us evolve and help us change. There's just like so much out there that we can learn and we can grow from. That, I think, is important, and it's super important to just kind of move through life, wanting to learn more and wanting to be a different person.
Speaker 1:I don't want to stay the same person I was when I was 17, 18. I don't want to be the same person I was when I was in my 30s, because I was kind of dumb and close-minded. I just didn't understand the world the way I. I mean, I'm not saying that I'm super smart now, but I am. I'm pretty smart. I try to be a more open-minded person. I try to be a more open minded person. I try to be someone that has a better point of view on life, and a better point of view in the sense of listening to more than one side.
Speaker 1:I feel like we all should go through those moments where we're like, oh shoot, I should have, I should have researched, or man, I really was like in believed in this topic or in this thing and now I I'm not sure, and you know it's such an important part of life. So please, please, know that it's okay to change your mind. It's okay to to be like, oh shoot, I messed up, because we all do it and and it's okay. So I have pulled up five things and five reasons we might change our minds. Number one is because we do get new information or new experiences and, like I said I did, I did acquire new, new experiences, new information. I learned about people. I really questioned the beliefs and the things that were being told to me and the stuff that I wasn't questioning. You know like, hey, wait a minute, hold on emotional maturity and growth. I think that is super important. I hope we all go through emotional growth and maturity. Right, it's just such a should be, such a part of who we are Cognitive dissonance.
Speaker 1:When our actions or values conflict with our beliefs. We feel uncomfortable. Changing our mind is a way to relieve that discomfort. So, yeah, I feel like that was one of the biggest reasons why I have changed my mind, and this topic is not the only topic I've changed my mind on. There's so many that I've changed my mind on and I'm proud of myself for that. It was really good for my emotional health. Environment and community influence save. Serious conversations with others can expose us to perspectives we hadn't considered and, like I said, I was arguing with people about something I should have not been arguing with. But then I I have been listening and hearing and being part of honest and safe conversations that change the way I I see life. So I think that's super important.
Speaker 1:Identity evolution beliefs often shift as our sense of self changes becoming a parent, leaving a religion, gaining independence, etc. So, yeah, I think identity evolution is also a big part of why I changed my mind and so many things. And becoming a parent, like I saw, I'm a, I'm a TikTok person, but, um, I saw a TikTok with this guy that said I, after becoming a parent, I'm more pro-choice than I've ever been. Like I cannot imagine somebody that doesn't want a baby to be forced to to have a baby because they're hard. Babies are so hard, children are difficult. They're the most beautiful, magical things but they're hard to take care of, you know. And if you're not completely sure about wanting a baby. You shouldn't be having a baby. So, yeah, I think that that's one of the biggest things leaving a religion.
Speaker 1:I did leave my religion. I. I left it a long time ago. I and even when I left religion, I still was a little pro-life and I was all you know, I was just. I had those beliefs really ingrained in me. I didn't leave my religion because of that particular reason. I left my religion because I have friends that are gay and part of the LGBTQIA plus community and I just couldn't accept or reason the fact that they were not created by God and or that God made a mistake or that a higher power would hate them, because I don't 100% don't believe that that's even a thing. So, yeah, I think once I started questioning that, I was like, see, ya wouldn't want to be ya, and that's how all my evolution happens. So I do have a few points on how to help process the, the changes that come to your life, which I think it's important, and I think changes.
Speaker 1:I don't like change. For the people that know me, they know me as as somebody that does not like change. I don't like change. I am a creature of habit. I like things to stay the same. I don't like it and I am too anxious for change. It makes me feel unsafe, all the things right, but I think it is very, very important that we change our minds, that we evolve. I've said evolve so many times, but I think it's so important. Okay, so don't judge me too much. So here are six little pointers on how to help the process along. Give yourself permission to evolve.
Speaker 1:Gratitude is not a betrayal. You're allowed to change your mind as you learn more or see things differently. So I think that that really resonated with me when it said girl, this is not a betrayal, because for a really long time I just had this like ache in me and my soul that I was that person. So I'm now okay with it. I feel like change is good and it's a good thing. And I did a good thing. I changed my mind.
Speaker 1:Stay curious, not defensive. Yes, ask what if I'm wrong? Or what would someone else say about this, without immediately rejecting the idea? So, yeah, I feel like I wasn't being curious about the subject and I was definitely being defensive, and then it just never occurred to me that I could be wrong about that because, like I said at the beginning I was all about the babies. Like you, save the babies, and it was not until I was like, wait, so we're only saving one of the babies. So that's when all all hell broke loose for me.
Speaker 1:Seek understanding, not just agreement. Listen to people you disagree with, not to argue, but to understand where they believe, what they, what they do. I think this is really important, but also I feel like so, yes, listen to people you disagree with, 100% agree with that, but it's the arguing. So, not to argue, which is what it says right here, but to understand what they believe, what they do. A lot of the times, people don't have a reason. They don't have a reason why they feel the way they do, and it is frustrating and it's hurtful and it's hard and it's all the things. But oh well, you know that's as sucky as it is, that's just how they see life and there's nothing you or anyone else can do until something that is close to them comes and changes their mind, and until then there's just nothing but listening, no arguing. Don't waste your time on arguing.
Speaker 1:Reflect regularly. Journaling or even talking out loud helps clarify what you really think, feel and value. I feel like journaling is difficult for me. I used to do journals all the time, but I like talking, so I feel like now having a podcast and talking to you guys about things like this. It's helped me and, just you know, having conversations with people that are different or like-minded also really does help. Welcome discomfort as a sign of growth.
Speaker 1:Feeling uneasy doesn't mean you're wrong. It it often means you're learning. Sit with the tension instead of escaping it. I think this is really important because I always felt really uneasy with this topic and I felt, well, I can't be wrong. I just never could be wrong. Right, but again, I don't like change. So I couldn't even fathom that I was wrong Like what? No way, until I allowed myself to sit with it. And be't even fathom that I was wrong Like what? No way, until I allowed myself to sit with it and be like okay, girl, you are wrong and you've been wrong and you need to educate yourself and you really need to apologize and you really need to get yourself together because you need to educate yourself. So I did.
Speaker 1:Once I started to question things, once I started to feel uneasy about all the things that I really thought I believed in. That's when I was like, wait a minute, this doesn't feel right, it feels yucky, I, I don't like, I don't like it and, like I said, I don't like change. So it just even felt even more wrong. So I let that kind of sit with me, I let the discomfort kind of take over, which is so difficult for someone like me, and then I I dove into just educating myself, which was very, very important. So do that and, like I said, it doesn't have to be on this specific topic, it can be on. So so many things you know detach't have to be on this specific topic, it can be on. So so many things you know Detach from needing to be right.
Speaker 1:Oh God, your worth isn't tied to having all the answers. Real strength is being open to change when change is due. Yeah, did you hear that? I often feel like we do tie ourselves to being right. I always wanted to be right. Fuck, yeah, I was always right.
Speaker 1:You know, I was young and dumb and I thought I had all the answers and I'm an only girl in my family, so of course I know better than everyone else and I'm a Scorpio duh, but I was wrong and I've been wrong on so many things and admitting that really did take a lot for me, because it did. I think I tied myself worth to being right all the time or to knowing everything I know it's to be true, you know. But god, like I said at the beginning, you're not google or chat gpt, and even if you were like they're still wrong, remember that they don't have all the answers. Google has never hasn't failed me yet. So maybe google, but chat gpt has failed me a couple times. But don't tell it.
Speaker 1:But you know, I feel like it's so important, like to understand that that's not our worth, like, oh well, we're wrong, big deal, move on, let's change it. So yeah, these are just a few tips on how to handle change and remember that change happens. I think this is going to be a little shorter of a topic because it's a heavy topic and I can't keep talking about it because it makes me feel uncomfortable, but I just do want you to sit with it and I want you to be open to change and open to changing your mind. I think that's the biggest takeaway I want from this episode that changing your mind, it's OK, there's nothing wrong with it. You are allowed to grow, to be a different person. You're allowed all those things and it's OK.
Speaker 1:I feel like the most important thing is like, if you don't know something about some topic that you feel really passionate about, you should really do your research and don't do a one sided research, because that's where we go wrong. So I was always just being like, well, no, the this, this and this say that we're killing babies, but I never really did research. Say that we're killing babies, but I never really did research. I was just listening to people that were telling me this particular information I think that's one of the big things is like if you, if you don't feel comfortable with information that you did feel comfortable with before, is for a reason like your, your body tells you things. Your body is saying, hey, something doesn't feel right, like you seem to be passionate about this, but something within this does not feel right to us. Like let's explore, let's search, let's inform ourselves, let's see what's going on in this world. Because there are so many resources for you to inform yourself. And I found so many things, so many resources, so much reading material. I love podcasts and I love listening to things, I love watching videos, I love all that stuff.
Speaker 1:So in this day, in this time, being uninformed is a choice staying on one course and never changing your mind and never evolving, and sticking to that place, and if that's where you want to be, that's cool. You know, do you, do you like? Just stay there. But if you want to change it and if you want to be different, and if you don't feel right because, like I said, your body tells you, then then look it up and look both sides. Every, every side has a story. Look, look, every story has multiple sides. It's just not one sided. Everything is full of information. So, yeah, change your mind often. I think it's important that we change our minds often. I think it's important that we grow and that we evolve and we inform ourselves. So, yeah, here was my rant about changing your mind.
Speaker 1:So thank you so much for listening to this episode. I said it's a little bit shorter because it's a heavy topic, it's a little heavy on my heart, but it was something that I really wanted to talk about and I would love, love, love to hear from you guys and hear what you have to say. I'm on Instagram mainly. I don't have a Facebook page. I should, but I don't. So it's at what I didn't know. On Instagram. I have a TikTok, but I forget to post on TikTok because I'm not good at videos, so follow me on Instagram. That's the main place, but now you can listen to this podcast everywhere. You listen to podcasts, so that's really exciting.
Speaker 1:And send people my way, and if you have anything that you learned that you didn't know about and you want to share it with me and you want to come hang out and have a conversation about it, please let me know. I would love to have you over and have conversations about all the wonderful things that you've learned, because I want to learn and I want to grow and I want to evolve, and I hope all of you do too. And, yeah, I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful day and a wonderful week, and thank you so much for listening. I love you. Bye. Thanks for spending time with me. If today's episode sparked something in you, I'd love to hear about it and remember there's wisdom in what we didn't know. Until next time, take care of your heart. I love you. Bye.
