A Woman's Power "Unfiltered" With Victoria E Strange

The 10 Phrases Silently Undermining Your Power

• Victoria E Strange • Season 1 • Episode 5

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We explore the ten common phrases women use that subtly undermine their power and authority. These linguistic habits—from excessive apologizing to preemptively discounting our own ideas—are deeply ingrained but can be unlearned with awareness and practice.

• Leading with "sorry" when you're simply speaking or taking up space
• Saying "I'm not sure if this makes sense" when you've actually thought something through
• Dismissing your own observations as "overthinking" when you're just being thorough
• Using "I just think" instead of the more authoritative "I think"
• Asking "does that make sense?" when seeking unnecessary approval
• Starting with "I could be wrong" before sharing valid perspectives
• Disclaiming expertise with "I'm no expert" when you actually have relevant experience
• Minimizing concerns with "it's probably nothing" when your instincts are signaling something important
• Saying "I feel like" when you actually mean "I think" or "I believe"
• Prefacing thoughts with "this might sound stupid" when your insights are valuable

Try cutting just one of these phrases from your vocabulary today and notice how people respond differently to your more direct communication. Your voice matters—it's time to speak like it does.


Speaker 1:

Hello, it's Victoria here and welcome back to another episode of A Woman's Power Unfiltered. So let's cut straight to it. There are things that women say all the time, at work, at home, online, in a relationship that quietly undercut how powerful they really are. How powerful they really are Not because they're weak, not because they don't know better, but because they've been taught to, I guess, soften themselves a little bit, you know, to be likable, to not come across as oh too much, or to apologise for existing Crazy. I know, apologise for existing Crazy, I know, but it's happening. And don't get me wrong, I'm not here to blame women for that, god knows. We've all had it drilled into us from every direction. But today I'm calling it out Ten phrases, everyday things you might not even notice, you say, but once you do notice, you actually can't unhear them, and once you stop, you actually notice how much stronger, calmer and clearer you sound. So let's get started.

Speaker 1:

So, number one this is a big one, sorry, oh, but Number one this is a big one, sorry, oh, but the classic sorry, but can I just sorry? I just wanted to ask why are you sorry? It's like what I was talking about a few weeks ago, when I've been in maybe a supermarket or a garden centre. Someone bumps into me and I say sorry. Sometimes they might turn around and actually say sorry back, or sometimes they just walk off and you know, sometimes I'm with my mum and she'll be like, why are you saying sorry? And I'm just like, oh, I don't know. So why are you sorry? Are you interrupting someone mid-surgery? No, you're speaking. You interrupting someone mid-surgery? No, you're speaking. I'm not saying never apologise, but women are definitely conditioned to lead with an apology for taking up space, because that's what it actually is, isn't it? It's taking up space. You don't need to start your sentence by shrinking yourself. Now, of course, you don't start every sentence like that, but I definitely know myself that I'd be like, oh sorry, but hang on a minute, and then I would go into whatever I was trying to say, or sometimes I might be cut off. Try, excuse me, I have a question. Not can I ask a question? But I have a question? Or just start speaking because you're actually allowed to Number two. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but you're about to explain something.

Speaker 1:

've thought it through, but before the words even come out of your mouth, you plant doubt. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but you know it makes sense, or you wouldn't be saying it and that's exactly what the listener hears. They hear you saying I'm not sure if it makes sense and all of a sudden you've planted this doubt of oh well, it probably doesn't, because you've put a negative forward. It's not a softener, it's a trigger for people to question you. It tells them I might not know what I'm actually talking about here. It doesn't. It does not fill them with confidence, put it that way. And the thing is, what you were going to say you'd already thought through. You knew that it made sense and actually, if it didn't make sense to that other person, someone will ask you that you know they'd be like well actually, well, actually, can you explain that or something along those lines? Trust yourself enough to speak when you know and then clarify not apologize before you've even finished a sentence, or actually, before you've even started a sentence.

Speaker 1:

So, number three, I'm probably overthinking this. No, you're thinking. That's not a crime. This one's used when we notice a problem, feel a boundary being pushed, maybe or I don't know, maybe spot something that's a little off and instead of trusting our gut, we throw it away. Overthinking is often just our brain doing its job and that, literally, is it and women have been labelled as overthinkers for absolute decades when most of the time we're just noticing things that others don't want to see. So when you're thinking of actually saying, or when probably overthinking this, don't discredit yourself, because actually you're the one who's paying the attention.

Speaker 1:

Number four I just think this might be better. I just think, like maybe we, or I think this is better. I just think we should try it this way, or we should try it this way Clean, strong, clear Makes a difference, doesn't it? I mean, it really does. Just that one word. All of a sudden, you become authoritative. You know. You picture yourself in a crowd of people You're I don't know, maybe all having a discussion could be about anything, and then you pipe up and go. I just think, instead of saying I think this, it's so much more powerful. You're allowed to think things. You don't need to tiptoe on your ideas or anything that you want to say.

Speaker 1:

Number five getting through them quite quick, aren't we? Does that make sense? Does that make sense? Now, this one's tricky because sometimes it's kind, sometimes it's genuine, but often it's actually an unnecessary prompt for people to question something that didn't need questioning, because you're basically asking for approval Now I mean, god, look for approval. Now I mean, god, look, I've done all of these but I have definitely found myself saying does that make sense? Because actually I know that it makes sense, I do know, but I guess when I used to say that yeah, I suppose it was, it was definitely approval and you know you're obviously, you're basically, as I said, asking for approval. Did I say that? Okay, do you get it? Am I making sense? You can still be collaborative without shrinking your message. Try this. Instead of saying does that make sense, did I say that, ok, try, let me know. If you want me to explain that differently, happy to clarify anything. Now, that's open, but it's still very confident. It's still very confident.

Speaker 1:

Number six I could be wrong, but why are we disclaiming our thoughts before we've even had them? Like, I mean, really, this one's a classic pre-emptive apology. You're saying don't judge me, don't shoot me down. I already know I might be wrong, but here's the thing everyone could be wrong. That's the part of being a human. You don't need to flag it up every time you speak, and I honestly really do think that the majority of the time that people say that they know that they're not wrong. But I think sometimes people, when they're frightened of speaking up, they kind of back it up with don't judge me, just don't shoot me down. You know, I already know I might be wrong, but no, this is the thing. You're probably not, and if you're unsure you can say so directly. But leading every point with self-doubt teaches people not to take you seriously. Out teaches people not to take you seriously and, worse, it teaches you not to take yourself seriously. So you're, effectively, you're conditioning yourself.

Speaker 1:

Number seven I'm no expert, but this one drives me absolutely freaking crazy, because so often the woman saying this actually knows exactly what she's talking about. She's lived it, she started it, she led teams through it, but she's still, she's still handing her power away, her power away. You don't need a title to speak from experience. You don't need a stage to say something important. You have a voice. If you've been through it, if you've built it, if you've learned it, own it. That's okay. No disclaimers needed.

Speaker 1:

Number eight it's probably nothing, but If it was nothing, you wouldn't feel the need to say it. I mean would you? You just wouldn't feel the need to say it. I mean, would you? You just wouldn't. But we use this to kind of shrink our discomfort, to minimise our gut instincts. This shows up in work, in relationship boundaries. I know you didn't mean to, but I felt a bit uncomfortable. It's probably nothing, but that email felt off to me. If you feel something, for god's sake, say it. You can be calm and direct. This is something that I think we all learn. You know, maybe we get a little older. You know. I know when, back when I was 18, 19, I obviously I didn't. You know, I'm 45 I didn't have the understanding that I have now and that, and that's okay because it does definitely come with age. But if you feel something, say it because, as I say, you can be calm and direct. But stop convincing yourself. You're being dramatic just because it hasn't exploded.

Speaker 1:

Some things matter, so speak them, voice them. Number nine, number nine I feel like when you mean I think I feel like this process isn't working. I feel like we should change the plan. This matters because there's a difference between feeling and thinking. Both are valid, of course, but they do different jobs. When you say I feel like about a clear idea, you're softening it, you're making it unimportant. You're making it kind of sound emotional, even when it's not Own your thoughts. I think this isn't working. Even when it's not Own your thoughts, I think this isn't working. I believe this is not right. It's not harsh, it's clear, it's also more understandable and it's setting how you want to be treated effectively's also setting a boundary number 10. This is the last one. I mean. I could go on and on and on, but I've kept it to 10.

Speaker 1:

This might sound stupid, but please stop calling yourself stupid before you speak. I've done it. It. I've done it. I've done it. Do you know? I think I did it the other day. I did. I said, oh, I mean, look, this might sound stupid, you are not stupid.

Speaker 1:

This one makes me, I guess, a little sad, because I've had brilliant, capable women, including myself, say this right before sharing something so bloody insightful, what you're really saying is please don't make me feel small or please don't laugh at me. I get. Get it. I really do. As I said, I said this not so long ago and it slipped out and I did realise when I said it. But here's what I want you to know If it matters to you, it matters, if it's a genuine thought. It's worth sharing if you want to share it.

Speaker 1:

You don't need to pre-apologise for thinking out loud and saying what you think. Here's the truth. You don't need to talk louder, you don't need to act more confident, you just need to stop editing yourself mid-sentence. The most powerful women I know don't perform power. They speak clarity, calmly, without all the noise that says I'm not sure I belong here, because if you say it, people are going to question whether you do belong there, and that starts with noticing the words that you use. So today, maybe try cutting one of those phrases, just one. See what happens, see how you feel, see how people respond. Look at their faces, because the thing is your voice it really matters and it's time that you spoke like it.