The Moment I Chose to Swim Instead of Sink Changed Everything

What happens when life pushes you to the breaking point? Do you sink beneath the weight, or do you find unexpected strength to swim?

When I was just 19, I met a man who seemed to have stepped off a Vogue cover—handsome, charming, and devastatingly manipulative. Six months into our relationship, my confidence had vanished through his subtle psychological warfare. The mental abuse escalated until one night, he physically attacked me, "bouncing me around the garden like a football." The most shocking part? I apologized to him afterward. That's what abuse does—it warps your reality until you believe you deserve the pain.

Years later, with my young son depending on me, I faced what I now recognize as my defining moment. I could either let this situation permanently break me or somehow transform it into the making of me. Choosing to swim meant embracing raw survival mode—finding wins in the smallest victories, protecting my child, and gradually rebuilding my shattered self-belief. What I didn't realize then, but clearly see now, is that I was reclaiming my power with every small step forward.

This episode explores how our darkest moments can become unexpected catalysts for growth. If you're currently struggling, know this: you're already stronger than you believe. The situation that feels impossible right now might eventually become the story of how you found your authentic self. When life asks whether you'll sink or swim, choose to swim—that's where your power lives. Share this episode with someone who might need to hear it, and remember my DMs are always open for questions or topic suggestions.

Chapters

• 0:38 Content warning: abuse discussion ahead
• 1:59 Relationship that destroyed my confidence
• 4:17 Physical abuse and apologizing after
• 5:46 Sink or swim moment
• 7:56 Finding daily wins and rising
• 11:13 Encouragement and episode closing

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:19

Hello everyone, it's Victoria here. Welcome back to another episode of A Woman's Power Unfiltered. So before I dive into this week's ep, just want to give you the heads up. We are touching on mental and physical abuse in this ep. So I just wanted to let you know, just in case it's a trigger and you don't want to listen. Okay, so let's get started. So today I am talking about how sometimes situations can really test us and they can really test us to the edge. And how sometimes these moments can feel like they're actually gonna break us, but can actually become the making of us. He was very good looking, very charming, and it's being said, he kind of looked like he'd just walked off the cover of Vogue. And six months later, after being in a relationship with him, so I have fast-forwarded a little bit there, I found I had no confidence, nothing. Now I would say I was around 1920 at the time. I'd say I was quite a confident person, not hugely, but you know what, I got by, and and that was great. And now I was just a completely different person six months later, and I didn't I didn't have the confidence to call it out because once I realised that he'd been chipping away at my confidence, it was quite an art, really, because I didn't see him doing it, it's quite amazing. Now I look back, I can kind of yeah, I can see what he was doing, but at the time I couldn't, and the way that he did it was it was pretty amazing because you start to kind of question yourself and you think, Oh, that's me, but no, that's not him, that's me. So by the time you get to a point where maybe you would call it out and say, Hey, this is not right, I didn't have the confidence to do that, and then I think it got to yeah, it was about six months, and the mental abuse really, really stepped up a gear, and inside I I knew I I just I knew that it it was not right, there was there was something amiss, but I didn't want to admit it, and then there was one evening, and that was the first time that I was beaten, and this guy literally bounced me around the whole garden into every conceivable object, and he pushed me out of this door, and I'd just gone flying. And I I thought that first of all, I thought it was maybe an accident that he'd push me out the door. Isn't that crazy? I mean, you do you know, down the steps, and but then as he bounced me around the garden like a football, obviously, you know, it wasn't, it was it was on purpose, and I came out of that situation that night black and blue, and unbelievably, I turned around and I apologised to him, and I said, Oh, you know, I'm I'm sorry, isn't that crazy? Someone beats you, and and you say sorry. I mean, I I think back now and think, oh my god, I started to write a diary of the abuse, and this is after I'd had my son, and this is around 2004, and I have read that diary since I'm 45 now, so obviously a lot older. My son's 21, so it's a lot of years, but I have read that diary, and it's it's like a movie, I mean, it's like reading about someone else, because you have to remember here, I'm only touching upon this. So if we scoot forward to when Harry was 10 years old, so 11 years ago, there was a moment, and I thought, okay, I'm either gonna sink or swim here. This situation is either gonna make me or break me. Now, I'd like to point out I was not with him at this point. Harry had never lived with him, and yeah, we we weren't together, and I had always maintained that he should have a relationship with my son, but it didn't matter what I did, I bent over backwards, he just revoked everything. Unfortunately, he thought it was fun, and yeah, I mean, obviously, it wasn't, you know, I was trying to maintain that they had a relationship, but yeah, so that so that was that, and then I just thought, I thought, right, well, I either let him continue to wreck my life, or instead of letting this situation break me, I need to let it make me, and I need to start swimming and swimming and swimming. Now, what would sinking, what would that have looked like? It doesn't even bear thinking about. It really doesn't. What I can say is I definitely wouldn't be here speaking to you now. What would swimming, what did swimming look like? Well, it was a little raw and a little scary and not particularly glamorous, but it was absolute survival mode. And once I started to swim, and I started to look for a win in everything, every day, and it could have been anything, it could have been that oh, I don't know. I just had a good day and a positive day, and it was sunny outside, and and I and I felt good, I felt okay, and or it could have been like the best ever win of Harry coming home saying, Yes, I've done really well in my spelling test. It it could have been anything, but I just look for the wins. And what I can say to you is if you are in maybe a situation that isn't that positive at the moment, look for the wins. You will probably think, Oh, I'm not gonna find them, but you will, you will. They might not be the same as my wins or whoever else, but you will find a win, and it doesn't matter if it's just really small, you'll find it 100%. And at the time, by doing this, I didn't know that I was stepping into my power. I only see that now very clearly looking back, and I think that's the same with a lot of situations, isn't it? And choosing to swim, it forced me to grow, even though you know, yes, I didn't call it empowerment, but it was obviously, and those everyday choices that I made built strength, and I kept going and and finding the winds and protecting my my my son, and that slow realization that actually this is now not breaking me. I'm still here, I'm stronger than I actually thought was the best feeling ever. So those make or break moments they can actually become the making of you, like they did to me. And sometimes we might not feel powerful, and you might not feel powerful right now, but if you're surviving, you're already stronger. Seriously, you are already stronger than you actually think you really are, and that situation that maybe you don't like at the minute might one day be the story of how you found yourself. And then after you get to explore the pride that comes afterwards when you realize you didn't actually just survive, you rose, you blossomed like a flower, and that's exactly what I did. Sounds a bit bloody cliche, doesn't it? Doesn't it? But it's true, it's exactly what I did. Did I think I was gonna blossom? Did I think I was gonna rise? No, I didn't. I thought I'd buggered up my life to tell you the truth. Not because I'd had a child, he was my absolute saviour and my world. But I just couldn't believe that I'd landed myself in that situation where I pretty much sat sat back and let that person treat me any way that they wanted, and because I'm not the only one, and unfortunately, you know, it's gonna keep happening. That's why I think this podcast is really important. This is why I think it should be shared. Because maybe someone might listen to this, maybe they're in a similar situation to me now, you know, like back not me now, but back then, or another situation, maybe they might listen and go, hang on a minute, yeah. That's why it's so important to share these apps. Because in my mind, if it helps one person, oh my god, it is so worth it. It's not all about avoiding the struggle, it's about what you do when it when it comes. Because life's not perfect, isn't it? You know, we're always faced with something, big or small. When life says sink or swim, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? Are you gonna sink or are you gonna swim? Swim. I'm telling you, swim because that's where your power lives. That's that's where it is. I really hope that you've enjoyed this episode today. It's been a little tough, I've got to be honest, because when I do talk about my story or part of my story, because it's not my my whole story, but when I do speak about that part of my life, even though I'm absolutely fine now, of course, it's it can be quite quite tough to talk about, but I do talk about it, not a huge amount, but I do talk about it because uh in the right settings, because I just think as I said earlier on, if it can help someone, that means absolutely everything. So share this episode if you can with another woman, another person who might need to hear it. And my DMs are always open. You can always message me, ask me questions, or just ask me to speak about certain things on the pod, which I absolutely love. Okay, it was I I loved today's episode, and I hope you did too. And I will be back very soon next Monday. So have a fantastic week, everyone. Take care.