A Woman's Power "Unfiltered" With Victoria E Strange

Boundaries, Energy, And Self-Respect

• Victoria E Strange • Season 2 • Episode 3

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We reset the tone for the year by choosing standards over reinvention and unpack how boundaries, energy, and small promises can return your power. We share a candid story, practical pillars, and a simple challenge to help you stop abandoning yourself.

• naming reset as the theme, not reinvention
• self-priority as self-respect and self-leadership
• why “killing with kindness” creates doormat dynamics
• four pillars: health, time, money, boundaries
• sleep, stress, and movement as energy tools
• protecting focus and scheduling your own hours
• money-moving actions that build safety
• standards, toleration, and boundary reactions
• the self-first week challenge with practical prompts


SPEAKER_00:

Hello everyone, it's Victoria here. Welcome back to another episode of A Woman's Power Unfiltered. So we are at the start of the second full week of the year. How did your first week of, well, first week of January go? First full week of 2026. Mine was a mixture, gotta be honest. Um Monday and Tuesday were absolutely fine, landed up with a load of work from a Tuesday meeting that I didn't think I was gonna have. So that really threw me. And then I Wednesday, what happened? Oh yes, Wednesday, a few things happened that they weren't great, they weren't um, they weren't particularly positive, and that threw my week a little bit. Now you know that I'm very honest on here, I'm very authentic, I'm very raw, and I am also, you know, I'm really truthful, and I will say to you when things are a little bit difficult, and they were last week, which was such a shame because they didn't need to be. And so therefore, I found myself in a situation where I had to take back my power, so I did that. I did it in a really good and healthy way. I set massive boundaries, but the situation itself really did affect me quite negatively, and it made me feel like I'd mentally and physically been pulled through a hedge backwards, in all honesty. So I had to take a few days just to kind of get myself back, and so I didn't really talk to many people. Um I my my son was away anyway, and I just didn't have long conversations. I just kind of kept myself to myself, and that's that was my way of getting through that. And it's Monday today, and I feel a lot better, but sometimes you just have to, sometimes you just have to put those walls up and go, you know what? I just need to be left alone for a bit, and then I'll be okay. And that is what I did last week. And it did work, so I'm glad it did. Um, this episode is about energy, it's about not reinventing yourself because it's a new year and it's about positivity. Now, New Year energy can turn into pressure quite fast because there's lots of people who are making new New Year's resolutions, something I just I don't do, I never do them. I'm not a great fan of New Year's Eve. I I never have been, but New Year's Day I do love because it's a reset, not a reinvention, but a reset. And I think the way that I have planned this episode, I plan it to a certain point, but then I let it flow. And this episode is a reset. Putting yourself first without that guilt drama, or this is the new me, you know, new me, new, you know. A lot of people said to me last week, you said new, new, new year, new voice. And I said, Well, that was true because my voice last year kind of disappeared a little bit, even though, you know, in the situation that I was in last year, I actually launched this podcast. So it just goes to show nothing has to be perfect for you to move the needle forward in your life and do what you want to do. So now you've heard me say it before, putting yourself first is self-respect and it's also self-leadership, definitely not selfishness. And I think a lot of us can think that, oh, I can't put myself first because people just think I'm selfish. No, it's the best thing that you can actually do for yourself and other people because you know I'm gonna be 46 this month, and it's it took me quite a while to realise it. I would really, I suppose I would say probably 45 years. I knew, I suppose, deep down that you should put yourself first, and I cannot tell you how many people have said to me, put yourself first, put yourself first. But you know, I found myself as a single mum at 24, I always put my son first, but then I got into a habit, and actually, I literally didn't put myself first in anything, and that is not healthy. It really, really isn't. How can you support other people, including your kids if you have them, or family members, or work colleagues or friends? How can you support them if you never ever think about yourself? It's honestly it's ridiculous, and I don't know why we do it, but I'm not doing it anymore. Now, people are trained to be the reliable one, and I would say a lot of the time it is a woman. Now, there might be some men listening to this, and they're like, no, no, it's not always the woman. But you know what, this is a woman's power of filters, and I'm saying my personal view is that women are trained to be the reliable one, the helpful one, the one who copes. But the thing is, the cost is actually quite quiet. Resentment, exhaustion, losing your spark, feeling like life is happening to you. It's a horrible feeling. I felt it. And I bet you anything that you are listening to this thinking, yeah, I felt like that. Maybe you're feeling like that now. You might not be, but it's definitely something that happens. And the thing is, a woman doesn't need a new personality, they need new standards, and that's what I needed. I didn't need a new personality. I needed, well, I probably needed to kind of maybe stand up for myself more, maybe get more of a backbone. I don't know, is that personality? Or is that standards? I would actually say it was standards, and putting yourself first isn't a personality change, it's actually I don't know, how could you put it, a boundary upgrade. You know, when I it was a couple of years ago, I started to put boundaries in place. And I noticed the only people who it really pissed off was the people who wanted to break break the boundaries. And I was a little bit shocked at the time, and I thought, wow, I'm putting boundaries in place, but the people who were rebucking are the people who who were like, oh, well, she's normally a walkover. I don't know, maybe was I a walkover? Maybe it's not very nice to admit, but maybe I was. I've always been quite a tough cookie, you know. I'm quite, you know, if I've got something to say, then I'll say it. But I do remember getting to a stage in my life, and I think it was between about 35 and 43, maybe. And if I was treated not particularly nice by someone, I said, I'll kill, I'll kill them with kindness. That's what I'll do, I'll kill them with kindness. And my friend actually, funnily enough, I was talking to her um in regards to the situation that's going on at the moment in my life, and she just said, just kill that person with kindness. Well, I'd already been through that stage in my life and figured out it's actually the worst thing to do because you become more of a doormat and more of a I might as well just put a sign on my head saying treat me like shit. It doesn't work. So if you're thinking of doing that, don't bother. I'm I'm here to tell you it don't work. So what putting yourself first, what does it actually mean? So it doesn't mean that it doesn't mean treat yourself and then back to the chaos. So I was thinking of the best way to put that. It doesn't mean that. It's choosing what you need before everyone else wants. It's making decision based on making decisions based on your your future self, not other people's reactions. Who's done that before? My gosh, I know I have. You waited for someone's reaction, then you based your decision. No, don't do that. Don't don't base it on other people's reactions. You make your you make your decision and you stand firm. That's what you need to do. It's doing what supports you, even when, oh, it can be boring sometimes, a little bit unglamorous, but it that's the way it needs to be done. So there are four areas that you can put yourself first in. And the first one is health and body. Now, health is wealth. I mean, it's as simple as that. It is health is wealth. Eat in a way that supports your energy and your hormones, not punishment. Sleep and stress matter as much as calories and steps, okay? Now, I mentioned calories and steps, not because you might be counting them. I am actually the calories I'm counting because it's a way of me feeling in control with my weight loss uh journey, typically, isn't it? But it is a bit of a journey. I feel like I'm on a journey. Um, so I do count the calories and I use the Nutra Check app. I do try to use fitness power, but I couldn't get on with it. So I use the Nutra Check app, and it really it's really easy. I'm all I'm all for something easy. I mention that because, especially in January, it is shoved down our throats. Calories, steps, this, that, and the other. Okay. And they are important, but sleep is also very, very important. It's where our body heals. Movement is regulation, not a penalty. Okay, move. It's so important to regulate your mood, how you feel. Not so you know, it's really good for fitness. Ask yourself, what does my body need this week? And that's very much what I did last week. Not what I what not um oh my goodness, what is it? What am I like? Not getting my words out. Not what I should, uh, what should I force it to do? How many of us really do that? I just force it, I just force it, I force my way through it, I force my way through it mentally, I force my way through it physically. But if you actually ask what does my body need this week, when um we went into the new year, I wanted to come into it calmly. Last year I hit the ground running, don't there's no heroism, hero heroism or whatever that word is in that. It's not heroic. Um so this year I I needed to be calm. It was really, really important. If you ask yourself what does your body need this week, it's probably going to be a lot different to the answer of what you should force it to do. So the second one, time and attention. Stop giving away your best hours to other people's priorities. We've all done it, we some of us are probably doing it, but stop. Stop doing it. Protect one block of time that belongs to you each week. So I've time locks for the month and I've put swimming on. Now, I have to be really honest, that didn't work last week because I so I was gonna start swimming on the Wednesday, but with everything that threw me last week, um, I wasn't able to do that. And I've got to be honest, it did make me feel quite shit. It did, and that really got to me. So I'm gonna start swimming this week and I'm gonna start this Wednesday. Am I gonna start today? No, because I'm working from home and I have a million things to do today, which I am gonna knock some of them off just so that I can cope. It's really important to take that, take that power back. Tuesday, I'm gonna go to the office. I'm back in the office into my dad's company after a month. So I feel like I just need to ease myself in, and Wednesday I'm gonna start swimming. So I'm I'm doing it, doing it for me, but on my time, the way that I want to do it. Reduce the constant checking, habit, email, messages, socials. Now, I actually did set, it wasn't really a goal, certainly wasn't a news resolution, but it did come into my head and I did think, okay, I shouldn't be going through my emails the first thing. You know, I wake up and I'm on my emails. Now, I have done that a few for a few days, um, in like in the new year, but actually this morning it is 7.29 a.m. Monday the 12th, and I've not checked them. I think I might have quickly looked, but I didn't look at what was on there. Actually, no, I don't think I have looked. So that's quite a thing for me. So that's it's it's healthy. Um, ask yourself what's stealing your focus. When you ask yourself, sometimes you realize there's things that stealing are stealing your focus, but you don't actually realise how much. So that's a really important one. So the third, money and security. Putting yourself first includes your financial safety. Now, one money-moving action each week, follow-up, invoice, offer, call, it could be anything. But just if you can and you haven't been, just focus on maybe one money-moving action per week because it safeguards you, it really does. Now, stop waiting to feel confident before you act. I mean, I could do a whole podcast episode on this because it's huge. It really is. How many people, because they don't feel ready, confident, I can't think of any other words, but it stops you doing something. You feel like you've got to feel ready before you do it. No, no, no, no, no. You just need to act. You know, you just need to get out of your own way and do what you want to do. Now, what action would make you feel safer by the end of this month? Quite a question, isn't it? Can you think of anything that would make you feel safer by the end of the month? Is there anything that's worrying you that you would think, you know what, that would actually make me feel so much more better if I could just sort that. It would make me feel safer, it would make me feel more confident. So the fourth is standards and boundaries. Again, I mean I could do another podcast on this just alone. What you tolerate becomes the standard. And oh gosh, this really, really does ring true for me. I last week with the things that happened in my life on Tuesday, on Wednesday, sorry, I'd already made a decision with this particular person that I needed to deal with this particular person not by conversation but by email. So that I knew that if we got into an actual like verbal conversation on the phone or face to face, that it would give this person a chance to put me down, to be nasty, um, and everything else that comes with that. So I'd made this conscious decision that okay, you know what? At the moment I have to deal with this person, I have no choice, so I will do it by email. I can then control when I look at that email and when I answer. And that made me feel it did, it made me feel so much more better because what was happening is last year, 100%, I had to tolerate this person and put up with I mean, want for a better word, and I I don't, it's quite tough for me to say, but bullying, I had to put up with some bullying last year. The thing is, when I look back now, I didn't actually have to put up with it. I didn't have to tolerate that behaviour, but I did. And what happened is that by me tolerating it, it became standard. And the thing is, if you keep saying yes while you're absolutely drowning, people learn you're always available, and that's that is not going to do you any good. Not at all. It it just will not. People react when your boundaries change, and we've covered this in number three. That they do, they react. Now, some people react amazingly and actually do say, Yeah, well done you, you put boundaries in place. But actually, sometimes they can react in a way that is a negative um because they just want to break those boundaries. That's all it comes down to. Now, that doesn't make your boundaries wrong, it makes them respectful. You're not losing people, you're losing the access, or they're losing the access to you. Resentment is what happens when you abandon yourself repeatedly. If you keep abandoning yourself to other people, what they want, it could be anything, but then you become resentful and that doesn't work for anyone. So I'm gonna give you a challenge, okay? It's completely up to you if you want to do it. So it's called, I mean, I've called this challenge the uh the self first week. Obviously, we are doing it on the second week, but hey, who cares? Um make yourself a promise that you will do something for yourself this week. So maybe 20 minutes of movement three times a week. This is just an example, or a proper breakfast daily, one boundary promise. I am sure if you dig deep enough, you will find where you need to set a boundary. Um, could be replying to messages after a set time or saying no to one draining thing. Then also one money promise. Reach out to I don't know, between two and five people, follow up on invoices, any bills that need to be paid, any bills that you can't pay that you need to call, just something to do with money, one calm promise. And then the last one, 10 minutes quiet time a day for you, maybe a walk without your phone. Um, or if you if you have to take your phone, just maybe put it on silent just for 10 minutes, or maybe an early night, just once this week. Keep it small so it's it is actually doable and it's not performative. Because I think when it's performative, oh, it just gets a lot more, it just becomes more difficult, and that's not how that's not the point. So putting yourself first is not mood, it is a practice. It's it's a practice, it's not a mood. The aim this year isn't to prove anything, it's to live in a way that you respect. You can see what we're doing here, taking back our power in all kinds of different ways. This year, I'm not abandoning myself. Now, when you hear that, you might you might think, well, no, but I'm not abandoning myself, but just dig a little deeper because in all honesty, I would have probably said that about myself. But then when I looked and I thought, actually, yeah, there are there are definitely some aspects. So this year, put yourself first. Even if it's small, just put yourself first and then watch your life improve. I hope today that you have enjoyed the year and that even if you take a little something worth it, it is worth it. Have a great week, and I'll be back next week.