Things I’m Still Learning: Rest

This week at The Edwards Table, we close out the March mini-series

“Things I’m Still Learning.”

Over the past few weeks we’ve talked about love, trust, and hope. Today’s conversation

brings us to something many of us struggle to give ourselves permission for… rest.

In a world that constantly pushes us to do more, fix more, and carry more, rest can feel

uncomfortable—even irresponsible. But what if rest isn’t weakness? What if it’s actually an

act of trust?

In this episode, Amy reflects on why rest can feel so diNicult, especially for those who have

walked through hard seasons, and how learning to slow down can be one of the most

honest expressions of faith.

This conversation is for anyone who:

• feels exhausted from carrying too much for too long

• struggles to slow down without feeling guilty

• wonders if it’s okay to pause and breathe for a moment

Sometimes the most faithful thing we can do is stop striving and remember that we were

never meant to carry everything on our own.

Pull up a chair and join us at The Edwards Table.

To watch this episode join us on YouTube.
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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi, I'm Amy Edwards and welcome to the Edwards Table. This podcast is all about real conversations, the kind that come from life, love, family, friendship, and all the messy, beautiful parts in between. I started this show because I believe in redemption stories and in sitting down together to talk about the things that shape us, heal us, and sometimes just make us laugh. So grab a seat, take a breath, and join me. Because there's always room for you here at the Edwards Table. Well, hey y'all. Welcome back to the Edwards Table Podcast. I'm so glad you're here. My name is Amy Edwards and I'm your host. So thankful for all of my listeners. Any of you who've been a part of this journey the whole time, wow, that's remarkable. And any of you who are brand new to the table, welcome. Super glad to have you here. Glad you grabbed a seat to come join us. This month of March, if you're listening in real time, the past three weeks, we've been doing this little mini-series, and it's been super fun talking about things that I am still learning. So if you've not been a part of this and don't know what I'm talking about, I have a super duper messy fun story. And if you go back and listen to season one, you can actually hear it from start to finish. Well, not finish, I'm not clearly not gone yet, but uh from start until like real time. And because of a lot of what went on in my life, I have a lot of healing that I have gone through and been doing over the course of many years, as well as things that I'm still learning. So that is this mini-series. And today you jumped in on the last of the four weeks that we've been doing this. So over the course of the past few weeks, I've talked about love, I've talked about trust, I've talked about hope. And this week, by far the hardest, I said this at the end of last week, by far the hardest for me, and I am still learning so much about, and that is rest. I don't know about you all, but rest for me has been a very, very, very difficult thing for me to learn. And like I said, I am still learning. Because of my upbringing, how I was brought up, we were very busy, we were always doing things, and what I learned very young is that resting meant you were being lazy. Like you should be up cleaning something, tidying something, going to something, getting ready to go to something, whatever it may be. But like there should always be a schedule. You should always have a lot of things going, and you should be making your way to getting those things done. So we didn't nap, we didn't lay around really. Occasionally, might, but but not really. It was always pushing forward, pushing forward, keep going, keep doing, keep doing, keep doing. And I took that to mean that meant I was lazy if I wasn't doing all of those things. And I think even within our world, right, like it's celebrated if you're busy. Like if you have a lot going on, people see you maybe in your social media feed and they see all these different activities, events that you're going to, uh, that your children are doing, that your spouse is doing, that your friends are doing and you're part of, whatever the case may be. But we celebrate that. We celebrate the busy, we celebrate hustling and bustling and getting things done and winning the award and getting this honorarium and all of the things, right? That's what our world does too. And the unfortunate part is many of you like me associate if you're not doing a million things every single day, you're lazy. And that is so completely and totally wrong. Like being in a restful state is not laziness, it's actually so beneficial. And if you're like me and a believer in Christ, it is required. Like God commands us to do it. So let's talk more about this whole rest business that I am so horrible, truly horrible, literally horrible at. So for me, I think that what I am learning about rest currently, and I mean literally, I'm still on this journey of learning rest, literally, this past year and few months has been a huge transition for me in terms of my work world. And if I'm very honest with you, which I always tend to be, uh, like it or not, I'm very transparent. Um my identity in my 40s especially, but really and truly probably 20s and 30s, really rested in my work. And what's interesting about me in terms of being an employee or working somewhere, I am not a pat on the back girl. Like, I don't need you to come and pat me on the back, give me the gold star, shout me out to all the people, and whatever else. Like, that's not who I am as a person in terms of what I need. What I need to know is if I am doing a job for you, that what I do brings you value. So for instance, I can read a report and tell you whether or not I'm actually bringing value to your company. So for me, as long as I have access to that information and I know that I'm bringing value, I'm helping us move along, move ahead, move forward, whatever the case may be, fabulous. Love it. That is what will fill up my tank and make me feel appreciated and make me feel not even appreciated, but just make me feel useful and that meaningful, right? So useful, meaningful, those kinds of things. Well, those are numbers, that's data. And many things that I do in my work do not give me that. So um seeking out opportunities to find it when I've been in a full-time job role, right? Uh, definitely that is where I landed. So for me, um there's no rest for the weary, right? It's the old saying, which is horrible. We say that and I think say it tongue in cheek, but reality is is that when you aren't filled spiritually, emotionally, physically, right? Like if you're hangry, you need a snack and a drink, go get you one because nothing good is gonna come out of a hangry human. Nothing. Absolutely zero. Uh, I struggle with blood sugar fluctuation, and so I have to be careful and pay attention. If I start feeling those symptoms come on, and it's like, oh yeah, I haven't eaten in the past six hours. I probably should have a little salty snack and a little cold water, and everyone around me will be joyful and happy that I do that. But I think it's so easy to fall into this mindset that stepping back and stepping into a season of rest, or a time, not really a season, good grief, none of us have that opportunity, but just a time to rest. And so thinking about what this means, I'm gonna kind of talk about where I was a little over a year ago versus where I am now. So where I was a little over a year ago, I worked for someone who owned multiple companies, and I oversaw project management and resourcing for both companies, which I love. If you were to go on my LinkedIn page, you would see my tagline is bringing calm to chaos. I thrive in that. I thrive in chaos because I love walking into it and then putting processes in order, getting to know people and taking all of that messy and making it nice and neat and tidy, uh, building team morale, encouraging people to step up into leadership roles, you know, all of that kind of stuff. That feeds me big. I love seeing that. And I can see it, right? I told you earlier I don't need a pat on the back. But if I see that I'm bringing value to a group or to my company, whatever I'm working, who I'm working for or volunteering with or whatever, that is all I need. That is the pat on the back I need. And I think the other thing that I'm learning about in all of this, you know, in rest is that the world continues rotating on its axis. Like world's not going to stop moving around the sun because I take a day off from work or you know, choose rest. And I'm gonna talk more about like what I see as rest for me, and maybe it will help you drum up some ideas about what rest is. But the the work that I came from was exceptionally busy, and the hours were long. Um, my phone and all of the notifications for you know, the banks, the project management tool, email, people's cell phones, all of the things, right? I kept my notifications turned on. I was a full access human. You could get in touch with me during regular business hours, outside of business hours, it didn't matter because that was my job. My job was to make sure that everyone was taken care of, projects were running, mitigating any risks we had, we were at on or below budget, and um we had clients around the globe. So, like, depending on who we were working with, that drove what time we were meeting. And I live in the middle of the country. Most people live either east or west coast in the industry I was a part of, and so you know, that drove a lot of my time and things like that, which I loved, loved what I did. And what's interesting is is that John and I knew a few years ago, actually, that we really wanted to start this new company together. And in our mind at the time, what we thought we were gonna do, because John really missed what we used to do, right? So if you listened to last time, you already know this. But if you didn't, I'll fill you in real fast. We back in the early 2000s owned our own company and we were a home building company. So we bought lots, built homes, and sold them. We also did renovation and remodel work. John loves working with his hands. Well, when 08-09 hit, economy crashed, business was lost, along with everything else we owned, and we started new careers. So he went into IT, and that meant changing careers at 40. And he crushed it. He did a great job, got himself back up on his feet, provided for the family, um, was traveling the world and was usually gone about 181 out of 365 days. And if you're like me and don't math, that's half the year. Um, and he was sporadic travel. It wasn't that he was out of town 181 days, but he would, you know, be gone three, home four, out of town five, back two, out of town four, you know, that kind of a thing. So a lot of sacrifices were made in terms of his time and availability so that he could provide for the family. I also went in back into, I was in ministry work for a while, and then I went back into corporate work uh because I needed to make money. Sorry, ministry people, but y'all know how it goes. And um both of us were running hard, hot and heavy. Had, you know, a tween and a teen, uh kid at home, kids at home, and um it might I guess because I've always pretty much been in some sort of a leadership role in my jobs. So I was either the director of a child's program or director of project management and resourcing, you know, kind of a thing. So that's just what I'm used to. I'm used to taking uh everybody's staff and helping put process to it, helping people figure out how a way forward, accomplishing projects and tasks, maintaining budgets, paying bills, whatever like it takes to get the job done, right? Very, very busy. Lots and lots and lots and lots of brain space eaten up with work. And again, I'm gonna say it probably a hundred times, but I love being in that. I love the right race, if you will, of the hustle and the bustle of work. I love good hard work. I do not mind it at all. And when John and I, like I said a few years ago, decided to start this company. Uh, it is a renovation remodel situation with custom cabinetry. So John got into doing woodworking and loves it, loves working with his hands. Uh, we had the absolute joy-filled pleasure and absolute honor of some friends who wanted us to build an addition on their home. And so that catapulted us in our first year of being able to, you know, kick off and launch well. And the beautiful thing is over the course of that year and now some months, because we're into 2026, uh, we are slowly but surely growing and are moving into new spaces. But all the while, I came home from being in a corporate job that was very demanding. I was needed a lot, which filled me up a lot, but like in terms of knowing I was making valuable contributions to an organization. And so for months after me being home, I had to unlearn that my value was not attached to my job. That was very difficult because John could come in and question what I was doing, and I would get very defensive and still can get that way. Like I'll get really defensive because it's like, why are you questioning me? This is my job, I'm doing my job, you know I'm gonna do it with excellence. Now, mind you, I still make mistakes, and there's no absolute reason why the man can't ask me a question, except it fires me up, and then we go around the mulberry bush over it. But what I've learned is is when you've learned to function really highly and well in chaos, in disarray, and messiness, albeit because of your work or your personal life or whatever, and I've done both together or separate, what I've learned is rest a lot of times will feel extremely uncomfortable. Um there's extreme guilt involved, there is exceptional amounts of overthinking involved, to the point that rest no longer is rest. It's quiet chaos, if you will. Like the best way to explain it is this for me personally, what it can look like is let's say I have a call or two for work that I'm gonna get on, and I need to create some social media posts, and I need to do a little bit of bookkeeping. Not all of it has to happen in the exact same day, but it needs to happen in a week's worth of time. So if I schedule coffee with someone that I'm mentoring, and then a work thing arises, I am panicking, thinking, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh I I'm I'm like taking advantage of the situation and I'm not actually working and and whatever else. And it's so interesting at the mind games that I play with myself about that. So when I was talking earlier, you know, about my childhood and kind of what drove that was that, you know, we don't nap, we don't lay down, we don't do any of it. Well, years ago, I had um a viral infection that attacked my central nervous system. So I have something similar to narcolepsy, but not identical. Uh narcoleptic lacks one of the chemicals in their brain, uh, out of the eight, they have seven for the sleep cycle. Oiga girl here, I have four. So I don't sleep like the average person, and sleep doesn't give me necessarily rest in my body. However, I will feel very exhausted. And so even though I may not feel rested, I have to lay down and take like a 20-minute power nap or just lay in kind of a vegetative state, if you will, and not really do any thinking with a computer, maybe throw on TV or read a book or something like that to just kind of let my brain unplug for a bit, if you will. So what I wound up doing is if I'm laying there, that's when my brain just ramps up and starts overthinking and questioning myself and uh blaming myself, shaming myself. I mean, it's it's absurd. I I literally did this not two days ago, felt horribly guilty because I chose to do one of my loads of laundry the next day instead of on Sunday when I normally would do it. That is the asinine behavior that I participate in for myself. So if you're like me, it's it's really hard to rest. And then the other thing though is that let me also say this: I think that we misunderstand what rest truly is. So, in terms of rest, if you are a person of faith like I am, um as a Christ follower, I believe in what the Bible tells us, right? And so we're to work six days and rest on the seventh, our Sabbath is what it's called. And a lot of people say, oh, well, that's going to church. Well, yes, part of Sabbath is worship and being in community and going to church, and that's amazing and that's wonderful. But the other part to that is is not working. And if you read in the Old Testament, uh, according to Jewish traditions, they were very rigid because God gave them very clear direction on what that rest looked like. No work meant no work for you, but no work for your animals out on your farms, no work for your servants or your slaves that were a part of your um family members and part of your, I guess you would call it family. Um no one, no one worked. And what's interesting is we live in a time now where we have a work schedule typically, um, owning our own company. I mean, we're seven days a week. If we need to be available, we can be. And so we have to be more intentional with what our rest looks like. So rest can be lay down on the couch, take a little power nap. Fantastic. You're unplugging your mind, you're unplugging your body, you're letting everything just kind of reset and relax. But rest doesn't have to be lay down and go to sleep. Rest can also be going out for a walk. It can be uh doing your favorite hobby. You know, so for me, it might be that I pop in the kitchen and I go make some sourdough. I love making sourdough bread. So it might be that I do a couple of loaves of sourdough, and while I'm making the sourdough, I'll treat myself to listening to like maybe some of my favorite podcasts, or I'll throw on some of my favorite like Brit TV. I love British films. I might turn on a movie because I have access to my TV from where I am in the kitchen. Or I may invite a friend over and have them come jump in the kitchen with me, or just sit down and chat. Like there are so many ways to rest. And I think gaining value and insight into what rest looks like for us, it is a very personal thing because rest for me does not look like rest for John. John would much rather gouge his eyeballs out than to sit down and watch British film with me while I'm baking sourdough. Now, he loves a bite of said sourdough as it comes hot out of the oven, but he's not down for British films nor my other favorite, which would be um Broadway musicals. That man is not about that life, y'all. It is not his thing. Where he would go would be out to his wood shop and he would um probably hand carve some dovetails or you know, do some kind of woodworking activity because that for him is life-giving. It unplugs his brain, it lets his body truly relax. Um, you know, and so I think when you're thinking about rest, if you're like me, you have to be really intentional with what that looks like for you individually. Um, and I think the other part to it is learning to let go of the guilt. And I am gonna be very honest, I don't know that I will ever not struggle with that guilt. I have been exceptionally uh gifted with opportunities to practice loving myself well that way this past year plus. And suffice it to say, there's been a lot of whining involved, a lot of crying, a lot of Um fussing because I struggled with where my value was coming out of my corporate job. And I'm sure you're sitting there thinking, well, good grief. I mean, y'all launched a company, and if you've listened along, you know I do the website, the social media, the invoicing, the bookkeeping. It's not that I don't do work, but the amount of work that I have currently is not like my old jobs, right? It doesn't pack me in for 70 hours a week. And uh it isn't a 24-7, 365 kind of a vibe. It's just not, that's just not how our company is run. And so the adjustment has been really, really difficult for me. Uh, I described it to friends who I used to work with as me going 100 miles an hour and running into a brick wall and coming to a complete stop overnight. That's how my job ended was boom, you're done. And so by me leaving my job. So it, and it wasn't necessarily a planned thing. It was just more of a, it's time for me to do it, and we're gonna rip the band-aid off. Well, going from 100 miles an hour to zero, and especially if you've hit a brick wall, uh, painful, it hurts physically, emotionally, mentally, all painful, um, shocking, unexpected, difficult, frustrating, uh, overwhelming. And it became a process I had to actually go through, and that was learning to fall in love with where I was in my life. Like, if you heard what I do in an average week, I'm sure, you'd probably come punch me in the face and be like, girl, stop your whining. Like, why are you whining about not being busier? I wish I could have your life. And when I sit back and I really think about it, I am a spoiled girl. Like, I am so fortunate where God has me right now. The ability to go and meet with other women for coffee or lunch or dinner, uh, to be able to lead small groups, to be able to mentor young women, um, to be able to do this podcast, to be able to help John run our company, and all of that fits very nicely and very easily into my weeks. And I was telling John the other day, I was like, you know what? I and I say this a lot, but I said it, I think it was Friday, uh, which means nothing to you, other than you're listening maybe on a Wednesday. But I said this just the other day. I said, you know, I love our life. We've got a really good life. And a big part of that has taken me some time to really fall in love with, and that is learning how to lead a life with intentional rest, where I intentionally make myself rest, where work does not take over for everything. And the flip to that though is laziness. And now I'm sure you're like, oh my gosh, Amy, you just said we need to rest. And now you're saying don't be lazy. Well, there's a difference in resting and laziness. And what I mean by that is when we, which I'm guilty of, when we sit down and we do that flick of the phone where you sit there and all of a sudden you look down and you're like, I haven't done anything for two hours but doom scroll. Like I've been scrolling this whole time and I haven't done anything, like I haven't even drank my coffee this morning or brushed my teeth for the day, or walked around my house to another room, you know what I mean? So that is where I get stuck and can easily fall into the pattern of laziness where it's like, eh, well, I just won't do anything. And I think that because I am at home, it makes it tricky. It makes it tricky to be uh intentional with my time without it turning into over planning, right? So it's this delicate balance. Don't be over the top and ridiculous about every single minute has to have a thing. And don't let a whole day go by where literally nothing has been done. And that for me is really foreign, very foreign. I am not used to having days like that. And so it has just been this grieving the loss of what I was used to in work, which I loved and I adored. I really did. I love being in chaos. It does not, in fact, the more chaotic it is, give it to me. The more disgruntled and angry people are, give them to me because I will walk in there and they'll be my best friend for life by the time I get done. Uh, they will be pleased as punch with everything that we've done once I get done. And I will have built an incredible team of people that have worked within my leadership when we get done. Like, I love it. I love it. But the flip to it is, is I really love where I am now. I love having intentional rest built into my days. You heard me right. Like, I am not just a rest on Sunday kind of gal where half the day is just laying around. Sometimes it is. Sometimes, you know, we do Sunday naps and I might get some laundry done and a little bit of cooking, but that's pretty much other than going to church and volunteering, that's it. That's all I do. But then there are other times that, you know, that might not be the case. And it might be um I have to pivot in the middle of my day because for whatever reason my body is exhausted and I'm tired, typically self-induced, if I'm honest, um, because I've stayed up too late the night before. And I have to stop and just give myself a 30-minute rest where I put my laptop up, turn my phone off for a minute, and go lay down for a 20-minute power nap, give myself an alarm, and then typically pop up and feel good to go and go get some more stuff done. But I find that being intentional with rest throughout the day, so taking a few minutes and dedicating them to something that actually involves rest for me, unplugging from my computer, unplugging from my phone. Um, and I think I gave earlier I gave the example of like popping in the kitchen and making sourdough. Now, that's not like a 10-minute break, y'all. That's like a half a day. But if I can wrap up earlier in the afternoon, that's a fantastic way for me to rest in my evening. Um I sew. So like if I'm hand sewing, that's something I can do while I'm sitting on the couch with John and we're just hanging out, have you know, veg vegging out at night after dinner and whatever else. Um reading a good book, one of my favorite things to do for rest is because I struggle with being plugged in, right? If I'm on my phone, you can guarantee I'm flicking through stuff and wasting my life away on nothing. So one of my favorite things is when it's nice outside, I love to go sit on my back patio. And whether it's cold or it's hot or whatever the case may be, bundle up or you know, wear something nice and cool, whatever it needs to be. But to be able to go outside and sometimes I'll bring my work with me and I'll sit out there for a little bit and kind of give my brain a break, and then I'll jump on my computer and work. But it's in a beautiful restful state because I love being outside, I love the air blowing, I love the sunshine, I prefer cooler temperatures, but I live in central Texas, so that's kind of an oxymoron. Um, but it's just being very intentional with my time and making sure, like I said, to find opportunities throughout the day to give me that rest. And I will say this: the very beginning of every day is a moment of rest for me. And what I mean by that is this when I wake up in the morning, I will get up. Typically, John is up before me because he likes being up at five. I think that should be illegal. Um, but I will come out and the two of us will have a time in the morning where it's just it's quiet. We don't talk. Um, he'll make us coffee and we'll read our Bible. Uh, we'll probably, you know, catch up after that, catch up on email and check bank accounts, make sure everything's good for the business, you know, any anything we need to kind of attend to, we can. And a lot of times we'll do that outside if the weather cooperates. So it's it's just um a peaceful way to come into each day. And we're intentional about it. So we plan for that. We expect that we are doing that, and so we we set our alarms, and he gets up at five. I get my alarm goes off at six, I'm not gonna lie, unless I have something pressing. I'm probably strolling out about seven, seven, fifteen. Um, not that I can't get up, but if I don't have to, why bother, right? Um, but we just have that built in. And I will say this for um somebody who really struggles with the guilt of feeling lazy, I think that is probably the most beautiful incorporation of rest into my day, and that's resting in the Lord. And I know y'all, if you're not somebody who loves Jesus and follows him, it sounds corny. It sounds cheesy, and maybe even if you love the Lord, you think that sounds cheesy and corny. It's totally fine, totally fine, but it truly is the the absolute fact for me, and that is being able to be in God's word, pray with with John, and just over our day and our kids, business, the world, leaders, all the things, right? It is such an impactful way to start. Because what it does is God it talks about throughout scripture about the peace that passes all understanding. And all I can tell you about that is this when God says He's gonna give you something that's supernatural that can't be explained by way of man and cannot be replicated by man. So you can take all the pills you want to take to relax you, help you sleep, or whatever else. But the reality is that even in our most difficult situations, most stressful of times, there ain't enough medicine, not enough alcohol, pills, drugs, sex, porn, you list it, there's not enough to fill that hole. Uh, one, to fill it, but two, to make it better. But what God promises is supernatural peace. And I think when we honor rest in our lives, from my experience, He honors our rest with peace. And it's so wild because you can be, I can be, in the craziest of situations, like life literally a dumpster fire. Big old dumpster fire, think of those memes, right? With the big old dumpster fire life, and then you know, here's me looking ragged and whatever else. But I mean, in all seriousness, the peace that God does give, only He can do it. And what it does for me is it helps me to frame my thoughts for the day, it helps in how I communicate, it helps in how I react and respond, it helps in how I do my work. It is so beneficial, it's such a beautiful thing. Um, and it's definitely something I'm very thankful for because even though we did quiet time before when I worked, it was not as intentional as this is now, where we actually can breathe a little bit before we have to jump in and really get going. And so I just love being able to incorporate that, incorporate that into every day. It it makes all the difference, as well as like I said, going outside or turning some music on. That's another one I didn't say, but music is super powerful for me too. Um and if I'm like grumpy or funky, I can throw on some worship music. And typically, even though I'll grump through the first song or two, there'll be like a really good one that comes on. Um, or if I'm feeling kind of playful, I'll throw on like the Gen X kind of mix situation because we did have good music back in the day. But all this to say, with this whole idea of rest and what God calls us to do, he asks us to do that. And what's so interesting in Genesis, at the very beginning of the Bible, like when you first open the very first book, Genesis, right? In the first few chapters, it talks about, well, in the first chapter, it talks about God creating the world and everything that's in it and everything that's around it. So the galaxy, the moon, stars, planets, there's air, water, land, no land, because it's underwater, you know, animals, people, the whole, the whole thing. And and God did that over six days. And then on the seventh, he set the example and he rested. And what's interesting is is that God asks us to do things out of desire for us to follow him. Um and also God commands us to do things to be obedient to him. And if you're guessing and not certain, you probably know because I'm kind of a sarcastic sass. God commands us to rest. It's not a request, it's not um one of those things that he's saying, if you feel like it, this is a recommendation, this is a suggestion. No, this is a command. I am telling you, work six days and rest the seventh. And so if I am honest, I don't like to be told what I have to do and what I don't have to do, kind of a thing. And so God and I definitely have a little wrestling match from time to time because I whine about it and fuss about it, I don't want to do it and whatever else. But the beautiful thing is, over this year, like I've been talking about today, it has been so amazing at how many opportunities I've had to actually sit down and get to know other women, sit down and teach other women, um, meet up with women and be able to share our stories with one another. It it's just been, it's been an incredible season. And I think the beautiful part of it as well is that I get to be a much more engaged wife. Like John and I can have meaningful conversation and I can do things to dote on him that normally I wouldn't be able to do if I were working, you know, 60, 70 hour weeks. I'm not gonna be making your lunch, sir. I I'm lucky to eat, you know, much less making you lunch too, kind of a thing. But like now I can pick up making dinner most nights um without anything from him, which typically we used to always tag team that. Like he would make, he would do the meat portion of the meal and I would do the vegetable part. Well, now, so it allows him to work more and whatever else I can pick up and you know, I just make the whole meal and and whatnot. It's it's been such a beautiful season of rest for me, of replenishing my soul, replenishing my spirit, replenishing my body because my body was pretty haggard. Um and it's still an ongoing battle. That battle of of thinking that every time that I'm not doing air quotes, all of the things, that I'm being lazy, or what I'm doing when I am doing things isn't as valuable, or just a myriad of overthinking bad thoughts that I have running through my head at times. I think that this is the hardest for me because of what I come from in terms of my past. Um, I am an excellent survivor, I'm an incredible um chaos wrangler. I am amazing at, you know, being the one who is giving first aid and CPR in a situation of dire straits. Like you want me there, you want me to be there with you uh because I do really well in those situations. And the flip side to that is is that I have to be very careful because I can do that survival piece. I'm really good at doing that on an empty tank, if you will, where it's unhealthy. Because what happens is when I pour into other people out of an empty tank, one, I'm not giving them my best version, and then two, I absolutely have nothing to give when I come home, if you will, at night. So Maddie nor John get any of the good things out of me because I'm just depleted completely, right? Which isn't is not fair and it's not right to them either. So I'm as hard as this past year or so has been for me to transition, grieve the loss of what I thought I was associated with, and learned to really lean into and love this restful season. It's been, like I said, hard, but also really, really, really, really, really good. So many good things have come from it. I'm so thankful for it. And from this, I've learned that I'm not in control of everything. And another thing from that is it's not my responsibility to hold the world together. And I'll be very honest, that's very humbling to come to that understanding with yourself that the world is still gonna continue to rotate on its axis and around the sun. It does not care if you are doing all the things or none of the things. And so with that is the constant reminder that my rest is gonna come when I make it an intentional decision to actually not work. Rest, like I said before, it doesn't have to be sleep and lay around. It can be, but it doesn't have to be. Um, rest is intended to replenish us, it's intended to relax us, it's intended to restore and reset us, which I think is so beautiful that God commands us to do this not because he wants us to not achieve our goals or not because he he doesn't want the very best. It is because he wants the very best, and it is because he wants us to achieve and accomplish all of our goals in him. And the way that we have to do that is to allow ourselves time to work and allow ourselves time to rest. And I think the last thing in terms of what I've been learning in this whole season of like really leaning into what rest is, is that it's not weakness, it's actually strength, rest is it because it does replenish and restore, it gives me a much clearer mind and perspective. It allows me to pause before I speak out of emotion. It does so many powerful things, and I'm learning that. Assure yourself, I still pop off, don't you fret. Uh, team Peter all the way, and if you don't know who that is, he was a feisty disciple that was part of Jesus' crew back in the day, and he was known to say a bad word or two, and he was always first to the fight. So, Team Peter all the way, y'all. But in the the humbling of this whole season for me, right, and learning how to be restful, it's it's always reminding me that just pushing through is not always what we're we're needing to do. I heard this from our pastor, Pastor Ken, who was teaching one Sunday, and and he talked about you know his eagerness to run. And there were times in his life where he would run ahead of God instead of stay with God in the moment. And I just thought that was such a good picture of what I can do too, because it's that trying to get things done. Do, do, go, go, move, move, do, do. Well, great. And is that really where God wants you to be right now? Like, I think that was a light bulb moment for me this year. Was okay, great, wonderful that you're you're the queen of calm to chaos. I mean, you know, or chaos to calm, wonderful, good for you, but not all. Always is that where you're needing to be? Uh, not always do you have to stand in the ring and get the snot kicked out of you. Yes, go in there, do battle, get your things done, but then also come out, get you some water, get you a cold towel, rest, get those bruises healed up, throw some Vaseline on those cuts. Like, there's a whole reason why you don't just stand in the ring and constantly get pummeled by life. Like sometimes you gotta step back, breathe, take a break, and whatnot. And I find that the more that I'm intentional with it, the better that my outcomes are, not just with how I feel physically, but definitely where I am emotionally and spiritually. It allows me opportunities I would have never had had I continued to stay in that constant rat race mentality. So if you are feeling exhausted, if you feel like you have been constantly on go, if you feel like you absolutely do not have anything left in your tank to give, maybe what it is that you need right now, the absolute most, is rest. Not quitting, not giving up, just allowing yourself a moment to breathe. So, y'all, this month we've talked about things that I am still learning, about love, about trust, about hope, and now rest. And maybe that's the real point that none of us truly have an understanding. And maybe that's my real point for this month is that none of us have a complete understanding. None of us are perfect. All of us are learning while we're still here on this earth, right? And that learning is also a process of relearning when we haven't learned the lesson. I don't know about you, but I've been around the mountain a hundred times sometimes on certain things that God's trying to teach me, and I'm trying to learn, oh, and it just didn't take the first five, ten, fifty or a hundred times. But I just want to thank you. Thank you so much for coming and sitting with me at the table and hearing more about what I'm learning. I hope that it means something for you. I hope you have a few nuggets to take away to help you on your journey if you're healing as well. And please always remember there's a seat right here for you at the Edwards table. And definitely tune in next month. I've got some fun things we're going to be doing together, and I absolutely cannot wait to be back here right at the same spot, same back time, same back channel as they used to say, every Wednesday for a new episode of the Edwards Table. As we, I can't even believe I'm saying this, jump into the month of April. Y'all, what in the actual world is going on with time? I feel like it is speeding along. In the meantime, have a great week ahead and can't wait to see you next time. Bye, y'all.