31. The Comment That Was Small But Stayed With Me

This is I Hear You, Babe. Today we are talking about the comment that was small but stayed with you forever.

It starts with a very New York moment. I asked a guy for a lighter while he was literally smoking a cigarette and he said he didn’t have one. And somehow that spirals into everything.

Because this episode is not about the big blowups. It’s about the tiny comments. The offhand one liners. The weird little moments that technically should not matter, but quietly rearrange how you take up space.

We read your emails about the sentences you still hear years later from managers, friends, dates, teachers, parents, strangers, and sometimes your own brain. And we talk about why those moments land so hard, why they stay, and how to stop letting them shrink you.

Want to be in a future episode? Email me at IHearYouBabePod@gmail.com
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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello everyone and welcome to I Hear You Babe. My name is Dino Malvone. As always, super happy to have you here. We've got a fantastic episode for you today. A bunch of emails that you all sent into IHearYouBabepod at gmail.com. And you know, as always, some musings here from the big old NYC. And the the funniest thing, honestly, very New York experience. Just like a night or two ago, a couple nights ago, I was with Darius and we were walking to the train. And I was on Third Avenue, and I was walking to the L train. And right by the L train on Third Avenue is a like kind of, I think it's a big like wine store or something like that. And ducked into the corner of one of the like windows or whatever was this dude smoking a cigarette. And I just had a joint in my hand and I wanted to light it. And I just, you know, like you do, right? You just like stop by and you're like, hey, can I use your lighter for a second? And the dude was like, No, I don't have one. I'm like, you're actually smoking a cigarette. You know, like the cigarette was on. It was like doing its thing. It was like he was smoking it. It was like almost done, you know?

SPEAKER_02 1:26

Hmm.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

And okay, the chances that he didn't have a lighter because there was nobody else around either. But it was like he was, he was dismissive whenever he said it. And I'm like, girlfriend, like he literally looked at me, took a drag of his cigarette, exhaled, and said, No, I don't. And I was like, okay. And and and then at that in the moment, I'm like, maybe I'm the crazy one, because, but I'm not. Because there was a fire involved at some point, not too long in the in the past. And I'm not understanding why you don't, why you can't help me out. He was like very confident, he knows like the commitment to the lie was so strong, and he didn't even make eye contact with me. Like he refused, and there was no explanation either, you know? And honestly, it's kind of inspiring, if I'm being honest. It's like me with the people that are asking me if I have time for like hung world hunger, or if I have time for, you know, I don't even know. Half the time it's like, do you have time for, you know, hungry children? I'm like, I actually I don't. I'm on I'm on my way to a meeting, even though, or like I'm on, I'm on a phone call right now because I have my headphones on. Meanwhile, there's no there's nothing playing. Meanwhile, there's not I'm listening to a true crime podcast and I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm I'm on a meeting right now. So uh anyway, and then you know, I I think that the the the the the other crazy part about New York City right now is uh it's okay, it today is it's January 11th, you know, and it's chilly, it's not cold, cold like it should be, but it's for sure not the kind of weather that you want to be walking around in and just like a tank top and some shorts, buddy. Or a ski. Hey buddy, what are you doing wearing just uh just shorts and a t-shirt? Where are you going? Where'd you come from? Like these guys are on the way to their gym, you know what I mean? It's I and I I know it's like around the corner or whatever, but like you couldn't throw a sweatshirt on to go around the corner either. It feels so strange. Like it's it's at some point we have to agree on what season it is, you know? And it's it's middle of January. So I'm gonna say, you know, it's just don't do it so casually. It seems weird. I'm bundled up like a person who understands fucking consequences, you know. And I and and and I run hot too. So, you know, but if I'm watching your calves, the hair on your calves blow in the wind, like like we're at, like we're at the beach or at Coachella, like I I and then okay, speaking of Coachella, there's a mattress, it's finally gone. A mattress that's been sitting outside of the studio here in Astor Place for I would say weeks. It's a good it's two weeks, I'll bet. And at first, you're like, okay, somebody's moving, and and and they just like drop dropped it outside, but you know, in order to throw away something big like that, like a mattress or whatever, yeah. Also, a mattress, I think, is like uh something in particular. You have to like call the city to like schedule it. There's like a day where they come around and just pick up big shit. And there's also for a mattress, you have to put a bag around it. You know? We have we heard of bed bugs or no? So can I get some credit for that? Because I I just basically provided you with what 311 would provide you with, and I I think that makes me pretty smart.

SPEAKER_00 5:20

There okay, so then this mattress.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

I thought somebody was moving out, and then a couple days later I was like, okay, this was like maybe just somebody chose to just drop this thing off. But for whatever reason, every my building is the only building on the entire block. Nay, the entire street, it's a very long street that that has garbage in front of it every fucking day. And then I'm walking into the studio the other day. It's broad daylight. I'm gonna say it's 3 a.m. 3 p.m. And what do I see but some dude laying on the mattress? Now, mind you, it's like right next to where like buses park. So, like that they must come and like take their lunch or something, their break or whatever, but there's a line of buses, you know, three, four buses or whatever. And next to the buses was this dude who was just like laying on the mattress, okay, which first of all, no. We gotta call somebody, you know, like that. There's an exterminator or some sort of I I don't even want to go within three feet of this mattress, you know. Homeboys just like sitting on it, laying down on it, actually, and eating cold pizza. I was like, okay. And the funniest part is like the the the and taped to my door, the door that leads into the like you know, into the building, are all like these notices and bills and these like they're like summons from the city. It's not like a big letter or anything, or you know, you have to like actually scan the thing pretty closely to figure out what the hell the summons is about, but there's like a new one every day. It's like it's like honestly, it feels like a subscription to a magazine that you didn't sign up for or something. It's uh, you know, it but it's all very like you know, low-key. There's just like a thing taped to the door, and then it's like if you don't show up to the hearing or whatever, and by god, like there's gotta be several hearings at this point because sometimes it's about the signs are outside, they're all just I don't know why the signs that are outside get destroyed because they leave them outside overnight, which I wouldn't do on the street.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

And honestly, it's I don't even know.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

I feel bad for the building in some way because I I don't even think it's the building's garbage, but it literally is like the place you know, there's like those places where cat cats are dropped off, like there's neighborhoods or streets in particular where cats are just always dropped off. That feels like what people do here, they always are dropping off their trash here, and you know, it's I don't even know. And the the weirdest thing, it's like very like we'll deal with this later kind of vibe from the building. And anyway, that's why I haven't even talked about what this episode is. This episode today is oh god, all about the comment that was really small, that stayed with you forever. And I think we've all had one of those things, but I think that's so that's why I feel like this episode landed kind of the way that it did, because not about a big moment or whatever. It's about or like a fight, or it could be a breakup, or it could be a fight, but it's it's about the times when, or you know, not even about the time that someone ruined your life, although it could. It's about the tiny comments or like the weird, the weird little moments that pop up, and like one of your friends or somebody at the table or something says something offhanded, and they say it once and forget that they even ever said it, but it just sits with you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever. And it's stuff that probably technically shouldn't even matter, but it totally absolutely does. So, all right, let's I wanted to get into these emails because I because I honestly, once I asked you guys to write in, I realized how many of us are still carrying around something small that's someone quietly said a bunch of years ago. And I wanted to talk about it because I like, for example, one of the ones, and I have a bunch, you know, and it's funny because like it's hard to think back on all of them at one time, but for sure, there's one where I went to a I went to a Catholic high school after I left prep school. And at this Catholic high school, there were still nuns that were teaching. And I was in a classroom and I was in I left a prep school and I went to this Catholic school, and that and and for whatever reason, I I don't know anything about the education system in Pennsylvania, but whatever for whatever reason, the the classes that I was at in prep school basically put me in every single AP class in the regular high school, the the Catholic high school.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

So I was in AP everything. And what my religion teacher's name was Sister Maureen.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

And I was like, you know, popular. And because I got there junior year, everybody already hated who they hated. And I came in and I was like, I was like kind of a raver and I had big pants, and I would wear my big pants with my button down and uh a tie and a jacket, and I would because we had a uniform and everyone thought I was the coolest. So anyway, I was you know, and I and I was you know, you know, charismatic. It's a good way to say it. So in World Religion, I had Sister Maureen, and one time somebody said something, but it was not me. And she turned around from the chalkboard and said, you know, Mr. Malvone, not one word. And I said, I actually didn't even say one word. And she said, I'm sorry, people of your ethnic, of your ethnicity never say anything with just one word. And I was like, not you coming from me being Italian. That would never happen today. I'd be, I would be so well versed and take her down so fast. But you know, it just like you kind of, I don't know, for a second you kind of shrink, and then the next second you bounce back and you're like, I will fucking kill you. So um anyway, that's one of those, that's one of those ones that sticks with me. But I and listen, I throughout this episode, I'm sure I'm gonna find more memories popping up. But let's get into these emails. Okay, this first one says, Hi Dino. This is embarrassing because I don't even remember the context anymore. Yeah, that usually happens. Sometimes I'm like, wait, we were in an argument. What was that argument even about? It was years ago. I was at why is the brain do that? I don't even remember. Sometimes I'd be like, what did I come into this room for? I it's crazy. I was at work, early 20s, first real job. I had stayed late the night before. I was so proud of myself. Well good for you. My manager walked by my desk, looked at my screen, and said, Wow, someone's eager. Oh God, I hate that when somebody's like looking over your desk. You're like, you just caught me on Facebook. Also, don't sneak up on anybody. Like, knock on the, you know, don't offices are weird. I could never, it could never be me again. Sorry, I need to sip my water. Shh, they go on to say that that was it. No insult, no cruelty, just that. Wow, someone's eager. But I felt my whole body shrink. I remember suddenly being aware of my posture, my voice, and how much space I was taking. I stopped raising my hand in meetings after that, and I started apologizing before I even started speaking. Man, he fucked you up. No one ever yelled at me, no one ever told me I was bad, but something about the word eager felt like a warning. Like I was supposed to want I was supposed to want things less.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

I think about it all the time. You know, I I God, there what do you call those little things?

SPEAKER_01 14:37

The little in indiscretions, little God, what is the word? Not me forgetting the word, but you know what I'm saying? Those things where people kind of just like say something and it's like meant to undercut, but it's God, what a what an asshole. Yeah, offices are full of like little comments like that. And you're like and you never know how to take it because like you know, you're probably not sometimes it's like someone senior on the team, and you know, as much as you want to say, like, what did you say? It never ever comes out that way. Yeah, and it's one of those situations where you're like 20 minutes later, you're like, fuck, if I had that over to do again, if I had the do over again, I would have said X, Y, and Z, and it would have been like the best. Like I it would have ate. But I you probably just sit there and you're like start sweating, is usually what I do. But okay, so this next one says it doesn't say hello or anything, it just goes right into it. Okay, so this is gonna sound stupid, but here we go. Nothing, no, they never sound stupid. I was I was hooking up with a guy. Okay, we like where we're going. First time, okay. Oh, first time with him, not your first time ever. Okay. We're naked, very vulnerable. He looks at my stomach and goes, Oh, you're like normal. Normal? Excuse me. He said it like it was a compliment, like he was relieved. What was what was he what was he looking for? Was he talking about your belly button? Maybe he was talking about your belly button. I don't know. I laughed, I made a joke, I pretended that I didn't care, but I swear to God, I've thought about that moment every single day in my life every time I get undressed. Normal, not hot, not not beautiful, just acceptable. Anyway, I still think about it and I hate that I do. Well, that's weird. Did he never clarify what he meant by normal? Did you not ask him what he meant by normal? I'm telling you, maybe he maybe he was with some girl with a jacked up with a jacked up belly button. You know, sometimes those belly buttons are jacked up.

SPEAKER_00 16:54

You know what I mean? Sorry guys, I had to eat a little bit of this tangerine because oh man, I just needed like a little little snacky snack little pick-me up.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

Yeah, it's weird. That's but you know, why are why are men? And we'll end it there. The next one says Dino, I work in a male dominated industry. Well, that's funny. I work in a female dominated industry, so I can I can understand, but I know what you mean. Early in my career, a senior colleague pulled me aside after a presentation and said, Is it presentation or presentation? Can someone let me know? It's a presentation or is it a presentation? Because the emphasis needs to be on the right syllable. You know what I'm saying? And anyway, the presentation and said, You did great. Just be careful not to come off as too confident. Somebody sounds like they are a little bit jealous because they weren't confident either. I remember nodding, thanking him, writing it down. It took me years to realize no one ever said that to my male peers. They were praised for their certainty. I was warned about it. Now I'm in my 40s and still sometimes soften my language in meetings. And I add, I think when I don't need to, and I smile when I'm delivering facts. They say that comment was framed as advice, but it shaped my voice for a decade. Oh yeah. And then you get like mad at yourself for allowing somebody that is obviously projecting their insecurities onto you or let's say relying on generalized stereotypes that serve only to minimize individuality and and designed to keep your voice quiet. So fuck that dude. You know what I'm saying? The uh because why? I bet you he's listening tell me what kind of car he drives. I bet I'll bet you any money that it's got some kind of sports car, and he it like he's probably estranged from his daughters and you know isn't allowed within 500 yards of his ex-wife or something. You know what I mean? Cause shut up. Just who even asked you? Don't, don't, don't do unsolicited advice either, you guys. It's so annoying. Nobody fucking asked you, mind your business. That's when you mind your business. Unless I ask you for your opinion, I don't want it. I don't. You know? I can I can say that with 10 toes down on the ground very confidently. Chin up. I'm gonna hold your hand when I say this. Don't advise me unless I ask you. Okay, thanks. You know what I mean though? It's like, girl, what do you mean? I didn't ask. I and what do you what what makes you think? And and and unless we're like and I am willing to let go and say, well, you know, I will defer to your expertise, but if I don't see an expertise, I'm not asking. So thank you very much. This next one says, not her being sassy today.

SPEAKER_00 20:33

This one came from my mom. Oh boy. I was trying on dresses for a wedding.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

I came out of the bathroom and she said, That's pretty, but it shows everything. Oh boy. Why our mom so good at that? She didn't mean it in a mean way. She was trying to protect me, and I know that. But suddenly my body felt like a liability, like liability, like something that needed managing. Oh yeah, she's I'm 36 now, I'm married, I have two kids, and every time I put on something fitted, I hear her voice. I don't even think she remembers saying it. These are the types of comments, man. Oh, here's another good one, ready? From my from my pat from my past. So, cause because I always have, I think I've mentioned Stephanie before on the podcast. She was like my surrogate mother, basically, like my mom's best friend, and I spent a lot of time with her. Like I would go on vacations with her. She owned a house in Maine, her and her husband and our two kids. And I used to go up there with them just to kind of get out of the restaurant, like maybe live a bit of a more like I don't know. I would get up and I would help her clean. We would do like all kinds of fun stuff. We'd go into the city, buy art. It was just fun. I'd help cook. And but so she was like, you know, I only really hung out with adults. She was like my bestie. I just love the shit out of her. I still do. She passed like 10 years ago. But but I was really sensitive at some point because I grew up in a pizza shop. And then after the pizza shop closed, my parents closed it because they bought a restaurant. And that's my mom still owns the restaurant. My parents are now divorced. My dad went off and reopened another pizza shop. He's since retired now. Well, anyway, that's Was a really great story, huh? But so we had just opened the restaurant, it was like from a family restaurant that my mom took over. And I can't remember being in the we did have a pizza room, the room with the pizza oven. But it was just they, I think at the time they were thinking about making pizza, but that's where my mom cooked. I mean, she she baked bread. But in the back is where we had the soda backstock, you know, like we had at the bar, and then in the back where there were like cases of soda, right? And so I was like in the back drinking, I'm 95% sure it was like probably like an orange soda because I I love that shit. And Stephanie knew that I was, you know, saying I don't want to be shopping in the husky section. I was just like, I was having a moment of like, you know, I was 10. And finally, I think starting to understand, like, I didn't want to be chubby or something, but my man, my mom was like not happy unless I was eating 24 hours a day. And Stephanie said something along the lines of, you know, if you don't want to be, you know, if you don't want to be husky, boys who who drink soda are husky. And I fucking lost it. I cried and cried so hard that I made her cry. God, kids, fuck. She felt so bad. Oh my god. Kids. I yeah, and see, I remember that to this day. I'm 40. I'm 45. Never mind. I'm 45. Okay, this next one says the friend group one. Okay. Dear Dino. This one really fucked me up.

unknown 24:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

I was telling a story in a group setting. Everyone was laughing. I was animated and happy. And one friend cut in and said, okay, main character. And everyone laughed. I laughed too, but I went home and cried because it made me feel like my joy was annoying, like I was taking up too much space. Yeah, that's a good way to say it. Really great way of um articulating your feelings, guys. You know, really, really well done. Pat on the back for everybody. You guys, the annoying there because it now I monitor myself constantly. I check faces when I'm talking. I wrap stories up early and I tell myself not to be too much. It was one sentence that was all it took. You know what? Again, I think another clear example of okay, Karen, girl, go to the bathroom if you think I'm taking up too much space. Like those kinds of comments are unnecessary and they really feel like insulting. Right? You're like, girl, what did I say to you? What did I do to you? What have I ever what have you done for me? You knew that was coming, right? I wonder if I can find software that would auto-tune my voice. I would sing for you guys. I might look into that. The yeah, one sentence, that's all it took. Well, anyway, she sounds annoying. So, bye. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 25:47

It's like, okay, Narc.

SPEAKER_01 25:50

I we uh we don't have time for that. You know what I mean? I hope that you eventually got over that because it doesn't sound like she's worth too much of your time. I you know what I'm saying? It's like we gotta pick and choose where your energy goes because if that's the case, if it's true what people say, like your energy goes where you're focused, where where you're focused on, or like you're focused, that's where your intention goes too, like your uh emotional energy too. Like, so it's always best to like focus in on things that are beneficial to you, that are helping you to mold you into a better, different version of yourself, as opposed to that stuff that like lingers there in this gnarly place in your brain that kind of holds you back. Tweeird. Okay, the next one says, Hello, Dino. Love this question or sorry, love this prompt. I was at a workout class. The instructor came over to adjust me and said, You're stronger than you look. Oh, excuse me? Officer, arrest him. No, I know, I know it's a compliment, but why did it land like an insult? I started wondering what I must have looked like to her. Weak, soft, unimpressive. I pushed harder after that, too hard. I stopped resting when my body told me to, and then I got injured. Sometimes praise still feels like a threat. Yeah, you know, I think there's a type of, you know, because I obviously, you know, I own a fitness studio. And saying something like you're stronger than you look is really loaded. And I think that that, if I'm being honest, is the sign of either a new instructor or somebody that just probably picked the wrong career field, you know, because it's a lot of work to become an instructor. It's not, and and you know, it's very underpaid. So for someone to say something like that, it to me it felt feels like a newbie that that still hasn't learned you know the ins and outs of of what's appropriate. And sometimes shit just comes out of your mouth. Like you're just like, oh god, why did I even say that? You know, but no, uh you're stronger than you look. Maybe, you know, maybe it's a question of just stature, you know. Like maybe you were maybe maybe you stand at like five, six or something like that, and the person who was talking to you is like six foot four, and you know, to them you look tiny, but it but you know, it's you're you hear it as weak and soft or unimpressive, and this person's me pro probably just suggesting like you know, in comparison, you know, you you're smaller in size, and it's just it's it's just a dumb thing to say. No shod day, pero like you gotta work on the language, bro. Or check chica. So uh yeah. The next one this next one says Dearest Dino, this one still makes my stomach do flips. A co-worker once said, You're actually really smart. Excuse me, sir, actually. Um, as if that wasn't the expectation. I mean that's cunty. As if it would if as if it surprised him. I replayed that conversation for weeks. He probably is like, what what? I want to does he have that app on his phone that tells you what his IQ is? Because I want to know. If it's not a 120, then who's he's who's he to judge anybody for being smart? The hell? You and him and his Velcro shoes. I replayed that conversation for weeks. What had I done to suggest otherwise? Was it my voice? Was it my clothes? Did he hate my personality? That word changed how I showed up because I became quieter, sharper, and more guarded. I hate that one word has so much power. Yeah. Well, again, let's not let's not let these douchebags win. I think that if I think that in workplace scenarios where there is clear misogyny or passive aggressive behavior taking place, honestly, not to be a snitch, but like that's what HR is for. And I would honestly, in some of these cases, look, I'm not here to give anybody any like legal advice or any practical advice on anything, really, because who the fuck am I? What what do I know? But that's what HR is designed to do. You know, even some big companies, you know, have everything from mediation departments, some smaller companies maybe don't, but there should at least be somebody that you can talk to about a particular dynamic. If it, you know, and uh the the thing that sucks is uh you know, a lot of times it's like these sentences come out and it's like a one-time off thing that just tends to linger, you know.

SPEAKER_00 31:50

So I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 31:52

I uh I say you know sometimes I say kill them with kindness, I don't say become quieter. Sharper is fine, but not more guided guarded, and sharper is because you know you need to stay on guard, you know, keep your knives sharp because these guys are just too much with their flippant comments. It's too much.

SPEAKER_00 32:20

This yeah, I got a couple more. They're these are they're short.

SPEAKER_01 32:24

This one says, I hello Dino. I once went on a date where the guy said you're you're hotter in person. Again, compliment. I smiled, but I went home and deleted every photo I had ever posted because all I heard was you don't photograph Rob. You misled me and you barely passed the test. I've never fully trusted compliments since. Well, okay. So I think that, and I in no way I'm gonna justify or stick up for what this guy said, but I will say this. I oftentimes feel like I do much better in person than I do in photos. And, you know, back in the day, if I was like on a dating app, I would I honestly sometimes be like, I do better in person. And whenever I and I've gotten that comment probably, you know, a handful of times. Like, you're much better looking at when your features are moving, you know. I just don't think I no one's ever taught me like, you know, know your angles or how to take the best photo. Do I have my mouth open or closed? Do I smile big or no? Like, am I turning to the right or left? And am I sticking my neck out? Is it down? Is it up? Am I where am I looking? All these little things that I'm just like, and then when I take a photo, I'm like, I'll be one person in a group of six, and I'm like looking, you don't even know where I'm looking. There's gotta be 15 photos of me doing just that. So I'm not, I feel like I'm one of those people that does better in person. So I kind of understand that, but like not the right thing to say first day, you know. Say it like sixth or seventh day, you know, back. You know what's so funny? Like a couple months ago, I I thought to myself, wow, you are, you know, care you you your charisma and your uh personality really shine. Like your pictures don't even do you justice. Like you're just so phenomenal. I think there's a better way to maybe say, you know, and you could say, like, trust me, your photos like won me over, but I but getting to know you has been even better, you know. There's just a better way, I think. Uh not me being a matchmaker. Let me see here. This one uh says, Hi Dino, please hello, say hello to the kitty cats. Um, you guys, I think we're getting another cat soon. Because you know, I lost two cats in the last like six weeks. So we're gonna get, I think, a cat on the 19th. So it's a week from today. We'll see. I'll keep you posted. In high school, I turned in a paper I was proud of. My teacher wrote in pen, red pen, you're capable of more. Oof. I know that sounds encouraging, but what I heard was this wasn't enough. You're disappointing me. I stopped trying after that. I coasted. I figured if my best wasn't enough, then why even bother? It took me years to relearn effort without shame. Yeah, I can relate and empathize because I went to an all-boys prep school, and my English teacher, we would lose 10 points just for missing or misusing a comma. So it was just grueling work to write like a 500-word essay. So, and you know, the marks on them would be so some asshole would just be like so perfect at grammar, and you're like, fuck off. Because I put one extra comma here. It's like, I get I have a B now, you know. So I can understand, and and then, and then you kind of feel like, well, fuck it. If I can't, you know, if I can't, I'm not, I'm I'm never gonna be able to. I'm even having people, you know, read these for me, proofread these for me. But uh, jokes on him because I went to be a book editor, so at the Harvard Business School, if if you don't mind. Can I get a little bit of credit for that? Thank you very much. I wrote I pulled my arm up for that. I was like, like, hey, teacher, calling me. Can I get some credit for um working at the Harvard Business School? Yeah, thanks. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 36:58

What am I even talking about today?

SPEAKER_01 37:00

This next one says, Dear Dino, loved this prompt. Well, thank you so much. This one kind of hurts. During an argument, my ex said, you're so sensitive. I immediately shut down because that wasn't about it wasn't about that, it wasn't about the fight anymore. That was about me. Yeah, it's like right in the nuts. I stopped bringing things up after that. I swallowed a lot. Now I am uh in a healthier relationship. Good. And I still preface everything with I know this is silly, but that sentence taught me to doubt my own emotional reality. Where does this guy live? Because we're gonna go and slash some tires. No, I didn't I didn't mean that. Don't don't send me like a don't don't cancel me, or like, you know what I mean? That was just a joke. But I that you're so sensitive thing, I feel is maybe a sign that that person is closed off from their own emotions, and when you present as vulnerable, they see it as sensitive and as if sensitivity is uh a weakness and not a strength. So fuck him, guys. Man, this geez Louise. The next one says the strange, the stranger, no, okay. Oh my god, can you I just blacked out. Hi, Dino, a stranger once told me to smile. That's it. That's the email. It was 10 years ago, and I think about it every single day and I wake up. Yeah, I think we all I think we all know you know, my dad's the kind of guy who would tell people to smile. Come on, honey, smile. I'm like, no, don't do that. It's gross. I can see why that stays with you, because it just feels like don't fucking tell me what to do. You fucking smile. That's like living in New York for 15 years for yeah. Let's do one more. This one says, hi Dino, been a fan since the bar three years. Well, thank you so much. This one is harder to admit. The comment that stayed with me the most is one I make to myself. Ooh, don't be dramatic. Calm down, you're overreacting. And I don't even remember where I learned these words from, but I say it every time I feel something strongly, and I'm trying to unlearn it slowly. Listening to this podcast helps.

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Uh uh.

SPEAKER_01 39:45

I I I temper myself too. But listen, I think the more authentic you are, the more opportunity there is for self-reflection, because you're presenting your most authentic version. And then you can actually, and you know, here's what I'm gonna say one more time. I think it's great for us to do one thing during the day without any music on, like a shower or a walk or something, because the brain needs time to process thoughts so that we can navigate life without with less, with less anxiety, insecurity, because we because we we've been able to process the thoughts all day without letting them sit there all day and letting these other intrusive thoughts in. It's I don't know. Here's the thing, babe. These comments don't like didn't they they don't ruin your lives or you know, like they're not like a big explosion or anything. They didn't even, you know, always come from bad people. You know, sometimes it's mom who does it, but they but they definitely lodge themselves inside your body and they change the tone of your voice and like the way you present yourself, and and it and if you are still walking around with something small that feels like mad heavy, it's not it's not even it's not even dramatic. I think that's just a human thing to do. I mean, listen, I talk I'm I'm remembering things from my childhood, like just during this episode, you know. But anyway, if I if nobody told you this today, you're allowed to take up some space, go and be eager, babe. And uh and like you can totally feel it 100%. Take the time that you need, go to a coffee shop, cry, and do what you gotta do. Anyway, you know that I love you. This was I hear you, babe, and I will talk to you all next week. Bye.