40. We Need to Talk About the Almost-Relationship

Dino is recording with a stye today. He showed up anyway.

This week: a sidewalk tarot reader rolling a booger mid-reading, thoughts on Melania, and why the number of unsolved murders in this country is actually unhinged. Dino is on the case. He does not have a badge.

Then the inbox. Seven months of "same." A spreadsheet with a vibe rating column. Kind of my person, in a general sense. And the woman who's still in it and knows exactly why she's staying.

Three more emails drop on Patreon tomorrow.

Send your stories to IHearYouBabePod@gmail.com. I hear you. I got you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello, everyone, and welcome to I Hear You Babe. My name is Dino Malvone. I'm your host. We have got a great episode for you guys today. It's a, you know, of course, a bunch of emails that you guys all sent into IHearYubabepod at gmail.com. And a bunch of dumb stuff that's going on in my life that might make you feel a little bit better about the dumb shit that's going on in your life. Okay. Because girls, honestly, and I'm in the studio today because I don't know if you guys like know, but where I record, I don't even know if you guys care. I I have tried a few times to get a video up. We're not going to get into that exactly right now because listen, I'm trying. Basically, I'm not a videographer, you know, or a cinematographer or whatever the case might be. But but like I'm I record in a studio, right? And the salt drop studio, for those of you who are brand new to the show or it's first time in uh salt drop is my fitness studio that I own. It's in Aster Place in New York City. And I record in the studio because I'm here. Literally, if you know me, I'm here every day. If I'm if I'm not here one day, I I don't know what I'm doing. Somebody call, somebody call 911, or you know what I mean? Get a detective on the case because I where else would I be? I don't even know what I would do with myself if I wasn't here. So, you know, I'm recording at the studio and the walls here, because this building is old, very charming, right? But it is older and the walls, I have like we have the original tin ceilings. It's a very tall ceiling, and the ceilings are the original ones were tin. So the people that I rented from before this, they spent a bunch of money to get the place renovated. And so, yeah. But so, in any case, the ceilings are really thin. And in fact, I in the other room where I teach fitness, because I there I have two studio rooms. One is like a smaller room, it's in the front of the building, and then there's a larger space in the back that I teach. You guys, you didn't know I was gonna talk about the size of these rooms. But the smaller room and the bigger room, they both have like these tin ceilings. Well, the one in the middle has a two, but it's a railroad style, long, and their room in the middle has no windows, but you can hear everything, I'm sure. The people upstairs were like, you know, we can hear literally everything. And so sometimes I'm like, I get like a little bit weird about somebody upstairs listening to me do the podcast. And you know what, today, girls, I don't care. You can listen if you want to, you're getting a first-hand view. But before we do anything else, you guys, pause all the time.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

Hold on, hold on, girls.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

Okay, I think Rebecca, I knocked the cord out. But so I have a sty on my right eye, and I'm recording this like podcast and teaching fitness and being out in public like a champion, like a goddamn professional, because you well, you know, I also have absolutely no choice because the you know the the the emails never stop coming in, the classes never cease to have to be taught. You know, it never ends. The the bills like must be paid, they keep coming in, you know what I mean? So anyway, and also I have to apologize because I've been having some technical difficulties with recording the pod. So I know I'm late, so please forgive me. That's not I'm not I'm not not doing the podcast. I just also I want it to be the best. So whenever things are a little bit cuckoo crazy, it makes me it makes my eye twitch. So anyway, I'm not gonna cancel on the girls anymore. Okay. So we're gonna get a podcast a week. I promise. We're gonna show up. We're gonna show up with style and grace and a fucking iced coffee or a Celsius, a cherry cola Celsius, and or a electrolyte blue, electrolyte zero blue. Okay, you know, and our feelings about New York City, and then we can start to get into it. I had I slept so well last night and the night before, I actually been sleeping like a baby. And Rocco and Vito were with me the whole night. Uh they're doing good. Um, I'm at the studio doing my best with this freaking eye. So uh so let's go. Let's okay, so wait. So also before we do anything else, yesterday I'm coming into the studio. Yesterday was Saturday. Yeah, so I'm coming into the studio and I but I'm okay. So I'm I'm taking the train with Darius in the morning and I'm on my way in here. And for whatever reason, I I happen to like look across the aisle. And you know, weekend trains are just weird anyway. But so I look across the aisle and the train's like kind of it's on the empty-ish side. We got in a little bit earlier yesterday, and he this dude is sitting across from us again. And I swear it looks like he's like learning tarot or doing tarot or something. So he got the cards laid out or whatever, and like he keeps opening, like he just takes a card off the top, flips it, like has a little conversation to himself with his, you know, whatever. Like I can see his lips moving a little bit, and then he puts the card underneath. He does this like weird looking around thing, so which is like fine. It's not even that weird, honestly. For New York City, it's like totally normal. And you know, I respect his. I know I thought to myself, like, wow, he's really committed to learning how to do tarot. Like, I've seen I've only seen this dude twice and both times. He's like steady, studying the tarot. And I don't know. So I mean it seems like very committed. You know what I mean? It feels like my friend Ashley and her practice of what was that? What's that app? It Duolingo. She's like 500 days in or something. You know what I mean? Like that's fucking commitment. But anyway, so I'm watching it and he's doing this like whatever with this cards, and you know, he's sitting directly across on so picture this, okay? You go, you walk into the train, you can turn right or left, and like against the wall on either side are three seats. And then there's like usually two seats that come out like perpendicular, and there's two seats on the other side of that, and then there's like three seats, you know. It's like that's how the that's how it works. And this dude is in the middle of the three seats, which already is if you know, you know, it's already a little bit annoying, right? And so anyway, dude sitting there, and he's got this weird look to him, too. Like, not scary, but like, you know, just different, you know, just those white dude with this like kind of icy eyes, and he's like kind of average, like middle-aged dude who's like a little bit balding, but not. He's got kind of blondish hair, and okay, so then whatever. I'm like, I think this guy's like weird anyway, right? Just weird vibe. And I'm watching him, and he's like doing this thing with these cards or whatever, and like, okay. Then I see him go into his nose, and I'm like, okay, you know, whatever. Like we've all picked our nose. So, whatever. Dude is like so into the cards, he doesn't know that he's even doing it. He doesn't even know that he's picking his nose. You know what I mean? So then, totally distracted, like it was a very, you know, I, you know, I don't I think he forgot anybody could see what he was doing. So then, you know, he's got the cards in one hand or whatever, and he's got his fingers up his nose in the other, and then, and then he brings his hand down by his side. Now, mind you, he's sitting directly across from me. He starts rolling the booger in between his like thumb and forefinger. And he is like just rolling it, like in rhythm with the train. Like it was just like part of his like mental process while he was thinking about the cards or something. And like he kind of had his eyes closed or whatever. He wasn't like yo, he rolled this booger, and I had time to I did time enough to nudge Darius and be like, yo, homeboy's like rolling his booger. Like, and it went on for I think maybe another another 15-20 seconds, and then he flung it. So anyway, that was the that was the train right into the city yesterday. I don't know, I don't know why I felt like I had I I you know I I I it was one of those things where I was like, I have to tell the girls about this dude who's and like if you see this guy on the train, it's always like the it had to have been the Q train because it was the weekend from D Caleb into the city. So I I I don't know. You know, it's like going over the bridge into Manhattan, you're like, uh, it's like so pretty or whatever, and then there's this guy who's like obsessively rolling this booker, and then he flung it.

SPEAKER_00 9:53

So anyway, I mean it I'll kind of in some ways, okay.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

Wait, not me making like a leap of faith here, but like it's it's a little bit like the kind the the theme of the episode today, which by the way, I can't believe we're this far into the episode and I haven't mentioned it yet, but it's like the episode is about like a situation ship. You know the one where you see the thing, like you're getting you're getting you're getting ready anyway. You need you you need the answer. So anyway, we're gonna come back to that energy because I think it's like relevant to today's episode because man, I feel like every we've at this point in our lives, we've all at least experienced a situation ship, you know. So, okay, also wait, this week I don't try to do, I'm not trying this is not like a politics podcast because I don't know enough to want to to to want to put my two cents out there, you know. Lots of other ways for me to sound dumb on the podcast already. So I'm not trying to add another, you know, pillar, another, another silo, if you will, uh of content here. So, but anyway, uh this week I think it was um the week that Melania came out and was like, I did not know Jeffrey Epstein or whatever. And I, you know, and I guess I kind of have been following the situation a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

But and whatever.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

I just can't believe all this stuff is actually happening. I'm gonna actually leave it at that because I don't want to talk about it anymore. But you know what I do want to talk about? Because I also, by the way, if you don't know this already, I also have another podcast called I Fear You Babe, which is the uh it's a true crime podcast. It's totally different vibe over there, but we cover we cover like weekly stuff that's happening in the news, and then we also do like deep dives on Thursdays into like you know more substantial cases or whatever. Anyway, I'm behind over there too. So shh, don't judge me. But honestly, I I can't even think of like one in particular that I'm watching right now because I feel like I'm I'm watching like 45. You know what I mean? At the all all the time. The uh in fact, well, the one that I just like did a little bit of a I guess more of a deeper dive into is the and you guys are all probably familiar with it, but it's the story of Sarah Stern. It's called Well, there's a they're doing a 2020 deep, deep, deep dive into the story. Their podcast called Bridge of Lies. Anyway, so I've that's kind of one that I've been, you know, listening to, and you know, I'm always I'm I I like a bunch of different podcasts like that, but anyway, so my I so I have that other true crime podcast, but I found this fascinating because at this point you feel like I know it's so off the this is so random. We're I swear we're gonna get into it. Because the weird part about the whole thing is that you think to yourself, how many people must be arrested for like nobody gets away with it anymore, right? Because there's like CCTV footage everywhere, you know, you got your phones, you got your cars, everything's like tracking everywhere you go. There's a camera everywhere. And if it's not the CCTV, it's like a ring camera from somebody's doorbell. Like, how does anybody get away with anything? And I'm thinking to myself, like, wow, we've probably like come a really long way when it comes to like solving murders. And it turns out the number of unsolved cases like in the country is like literally wild. And it means it's like somebody's like walking around who did things and nobody caught them, and they're just like at Applebee's somewhere ordering like a ribblit platter with tater tots aside a ranch and just like hanging out. So that's it. I decided I'm on the case. No, literally, I don't know. No, I always felt like I would be a really good detective, but I don't, I I just don't have that jurisdiction. But mentally and emotionally, girl, I'm on it. I'm looking at things, I'm clocking you, I'm noticing the details. Like I'll I listen to my podcast that I really am into. Like, I'll listen to it like three times. Be like, wait, what's that sound I heard in the background? Uh but uh yeah, you should check out the you should check out the um Sarah Stern case if you haven't already. It's pretty, it's pretty freaking wild. They there are a bunch of weirdos out there for sure. It's a really sad story. But okay, also for anybody that's curious, because I know you all are so you're dying to know, but you know, we're in the middle of a salt drop rebrand right now, and it's like moving along. Obsessed with where we're going. We have like a meeting again tomorrow. Also, by the way, the salt drop studio here is also supporting the podcast. So please check them out. The saltdrop.com, blah, blah, blah, all the things. The okay, so the prompt for this week, and this one has been it's been sitting with me since I sent it out like over the Instagram, which I'm gonna be better about because everybody says I never get I never see the the prompt for the week. I'm like, okay, stop yelling at me. When you yell at me like that, it makes me feel incompetent. So this week was like, tell me about the almost, like the maybe, and like the person who was basically your boyfriend or girlfriend or partner, except when you needed them to be officially yours. So, you know, it's the one who broke your heart. I mean, guess without ever technically being in a relationship with you, technically, but we all know the truth, you know. The uh I think I feel like the booger tarot card reader is an almost relationship. Like you see it, it's like sitting there in front of you. You sit down anyway, and you just need like you I needed to know what was gonna happen. Like I had to stay there long enough to know what was gonna happen. You know what I mean? Did I know he's gonna roll a booger? No. So, you know? Did I know homeboy was gonna sit me down on the on the stoop and tell me that it's obvious that I like him more than he likes me? No. But you do it for the story, right? Girls, we do it for the story. Sometimes you just gotta put on you just gotta, you just gotta sometimes it's fun for the summer. Okay, let's do an email. It says, Okay, we literally never talked about it once. Uh-huh. Okay, Dino, I'm gonna keep this super short because honestly, it doesn't need to be long because the whole situation is like one sentence. Okay. I had a situationship for seven months and we never once talked about what it was. Yeah. You know, it's weird, right? You want to be able to like talk about it, but then you're like, if I talk about it, I'm gonna ruin whatever this is. And whatever this is is cute enough for right now because at least you get to keep them around. But you know what, in the end, it's really not that cute, okay? But especially when what's seven months, like that's a long time to be like, so you know, and I feel like when it comes to be whether or not you're in a really I should just shut up. Whether or not you're in a relationship, you've got to find, you've got to have some clarity, right? You deserved clarity, babe. We all deserve clarity. So it says, She said, not even once, not even close. The closest we got was when he said, I really like spending time with you. And I said, same. Uh and we both just moved on. That was it. That was the that was it. Seven months, I really like spending time with you. And then same. And then he started dating someone else and posted her on his Instagram. Yep. That's always how it goes down. Why that Instagram is the enemy when it comes to that kind of stuff. Man, it's like suggested, suggested person. You're like, what? Why? Mark, why are we doing this? And I found out the way you found out about things in 2026, which is at 11 p.m. while laying in bed doing absolutely nothing, just minding my business, and then suddenly not minding my business at all. Because, of course, then you had to go do a deep dive into her, you know. I wasn't even that sad about him specifically. I was sad about the seven months of same. Yeah. Can't linger in that space for too long, though, I hope. Like I gave seven months of my time to a situation and then had a grand total of one adjective applied to it. And the adjective adjective was really. Any little rub, it's like, are they on ecstasy? Like, they just like close their eyes and there's like but okay. Anyway, wait. The defining the relationship moment, which is like with the conversation, like the big chat was like, I really like spending time with you. And you said, same exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point. Yeah. Can we talk about the word really for one second? Because that really was like, I really like spending time with you. That really was doing like a work of a full-time job with zero benefits and no time off. Yeah, I mean, that word had to carry seven months of your relationship or situationship on its back, you know. And you were like, same. Which is exactly what I would have said. Because that feels like a really safe thing to say, right? Same. Totally agreed, ditto. Big vibes. Let's never discuss it again. Oh, and then the and yeah, and then the other part about like, you know, just look back at the email. It's like, do you find out at 11 o'clock at night? But there's no way you're going back to sleep or going to sleep now. Just scrolling along, minding your own business, like little beep, beep, boop, just like checking it out. You got your like PJ set on, you like didn't you did your you know, skincare routine, you're you know, you're ready to go. The pimple patches on, and then you said, same. But no, I mean the algorithm knows what you're doing. Then it said, Oh, it's 11 p.m. You're trying to go to sleep. No, baby. And without warning, bam. There's you know, they don't give you like a warm-up or like a hey, so maybe they're like, nope, here it is, right in your face. Good night. Anyway, I don't know. I guess I'm sorry for that because I feel like we've all been there. It sounds like such a it sounds like it's such a common experience. I mean, we've all been there. It's like 11 p.m. feels like a reasonable time sometimes. You know, it's like it's what's worse that, or the one where you're like in the middle of the night, you wake up and you, you know, you're looking to see what the hell's going on. And then then it's worse because then you're like, you're not even there. Who even knows where you are at that point? Can't be held responsible for the things that are said in those moments. But yeah, I think you need to demand some more words next time. So we're gonna go for a full sentence at minimum, and then I think let's go for a paragraph. I think you deserve a paragraph. I okay. This next email says I am 44 years old and I have no excuses. I feel that in my loins. I'm 46. Ooh, it's hard to say. Dear Dino, I want to begin by saying that I'm a 44-year-old woman with a graduate degree and 17 years of therapy behind me. Oh, congratulations. I say this so you understand what I'm about to describe has no reasonable explanation. Girl, you didn't need to tell me you were educated in order for me to know this. Okay. So it's I spent eight months in what I can only describe as a situationship with a man who was on paper, clearly not available for a relationship. Okay. So what are we doing? This is where we went left. He told me this directly. Oh, he said, I'm not in a place for anything serious. That's pretty clear. He said it kindly and he said it more than once. Okay. Starting to sound abusive. I heard him. I understand the words. I continued anyway. Okay. So this one sounds like we were definitely doing it for the story. The plot line was thick. Let's see where we're going. I want to be clear with what I knew I was with that. I knew what I was doing. Okay, good. It sounds like it. And we love we love that amount of clarity. I'm not a woman who misreads situations. I read the situation perfectly. Oh, read the situation perfectly. See, that's that's a tough one because read and read are the same word, you know. I read the situation perfectly and made a fully informed decision. Did you like that? Hooked on phonics worked for me. To participate in something I understood would not lead anywhere. And I stayed for eight months because the parts that worked worked extraordinarily well. Let's guess the sex was good. And because I told myself that I was enjoying it for what it was. Definitely it was a sex. I was not entirely enjoying it for what it was. Oh, I was enjoying it and hoping it would become something else. Uh-oh. Mm-hmm. Girl, you run the risk of becoming techmatized. I think it's a thing. Both things simultaneously for eight months. Oi, that's a weird place to be for that long, you know. I have since discussed this extensively with my therapist. Oh, I should hope so. She was not surprised. I found your podcast through a colleague who described it as like having a very emotionally intelligent, gay best friend who, oh, thank you, who also somehow knows exactly what you've been doing wrong. Oh, she was accurate. Oh, thank you so much. That made me blush. Thank you for the show. Please give my regards to the cats. Listen, that's cute. 44 years old, graduate degree, 17 years of therapy. She sounds like a boss girl who's winning. And then your therapist said she was not surprised. So why was she not surprised? I want to know the answer to that. But so, like, because she sat literally right across from you and said, mm-hmm. Totally right. Sure. Not shocked, not alarmed. She said, because I've seen this film before, and I'm who's the main character this time? So it's all, you know, I think your therapist was like, Who's the man this time? You know? And but anyway, because like listen, I but I listen, don't don't take any advice from me because I love you and I don't know anything about any of this, except for the fact that you said that you knew because you said it yourself like three times in the email. And you said, like, don't worry, I heard him, and like I got the assignment, I understood the words that were coming out of his mouth. And then I made a um uh uh arguably educated decision, fully informed decision to just keep it going. So, you know, and I one I want you know, and you said you know, the parts that worked extraordinarily well. Let's not forget that part because I feel like that's that that must be it. That's it. But you know, it's uh this is the heart versus the mind. You know, your heart doesn't give a shit what what school you went to and what your graduate degree is. You get the body out here doing things blindly without, you know, making decisions without any listen. I mean, if you're enjoying it to some degree and hoping for something else, there is at the same time, there is enjoyment that's happening in there. You're not like delusional. You might be in a little bit of denial about what's actually going on, but like I feel like if you're having good sex, that's a tax you have to pay. You know, you're smart enough to know that it probably won't last, but it feels good, it feels good right now. So, yeah, I get I I mean, I guess we all get it. 17 years of therapy, get it to you, you better get it. That's a lot of money invested. And yes, I will always be your gay best friend who knows exactly what you've been doing wrong. That's the show. Accurate, guilty. No, I mean, listen, I don't know half the shit that comes out of my mouth whenever we're doing the podcast, but I'm having a good time chit-chatting with the girls. So I and I don't I'll be your gay best friend. The cats are always somewhere doing nothing, sending their regards. And man, I want to come back as one of them. You know what I mean? Because I feel like if I know anybody that's thriving right now and like really nailing it at life, it's those two. This next one said, I may I made a whole spreadsheet. I'm not okay. Okay, we're definitely cut from the same clause. I've never like pulled out a spreadsheet to be like, okay, let's no. I'm definitely trying to download a template from somebody who already like has it filled out and like just substitute my note. You know what I mean? Not my not my not my vibe. So it says, okay, Dino, so I'm a man, okay, I'm 36, I have a good job and a reasonable amount of emotional self-awareness for someone who spent most of his 20s being described as emotionally unavailable. Okay, well, who I want to know who's saying, okay, by multiple women who were in retrospect really correct. Okay, I'm sensing some self-awareness here, so let's keep going before I open my mouth. I believe you. I was in an almost relationship for four months. We weren't exclusive. We never called it anything. We saw each other two or three times a week and texted every day and had met each other's friends and discussed hypothetical future plans, but never with any commitment that they would actually happen. Okay. And all right. So at some point, and I can't explain this, but I made a spreadsheet. Right. This is maybe where you went left, but let's keep going. To track the data points. Okay. To figure out if this was something. Oh, if this was something, period. Okay. Columns included days since last hangout, who initiated, what we did, general vibe rating on a scale of one to ten, and a notes column where I wrote things like seemed distant, unclear why, and good night, mentioned the future twice, possibly meaningful. I showed this spreadsheet to exactly one person. She looked at it for a very long time, and then he said, or I'm sorry, he looked at it for a very long time, and then he said, bro. And just bro.

SPEAKER_00 30:04

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 30:05

That was the feedback. Okay. So then he says, we stopped seeing each other two weeks later. She started dating someone else. I deleted the spreadsheet. I do not regret making the spreadsheet. I feel the spreadsheet gave me more important information about myself. Also, I used to do your bar three online classes. And I would like you to know that I did them and I never told a single person. Ah. That's the second most embarrassing thing I've shared in this email. The spreadsheet remains number one. Okay. All right. Listen. First, this is probably maybe the funniest email, most random email that I've gotten ever. But the spreadsheet, bro, bro. Wait. And the other part that I thought was game, it tickled me a little bit, was that you have a with a vibe rating column in there. Your spreadsheet had a vibe rating. Because I've been known to have a good vibe, you know, one to ten. And the notes section sounded very important. You know, seemed distant. Unclear why. I like the other one. It was Goodnight. Mention the future twice, possibly meaningful. It's good. There's a Bjork song called Possibly Maybe. You might like it. But um anyway, I believe you. Every single single word that came out of your mouth, I believe you. And I am also losing my entire mind with this email because it first the bar three class thing, that's so great. Glad that's how we met. And I'm glad that you're sending me an email now. Look at that full circle moment. And secondly, I love that for you because I'm sure I taught a really good class. And then and then this is like, I mean, I don't know. Competition is gonna be stiff to top this email, that's for sure. Okay, so your friend looked at your spreadsheet for a long time and just said, you bro, and then to do like an eye gesture, did like one eyebrow lift? Was he did like there were no further notes? He just like walked away, or like stood at you and looked at you in silence, made it everything awkward. Cause like he looked at the columns. Maybe he was like, bro, you're crazy for like doing all this. Anyway, your friend's a legend. Maybe your friend is should be a therapist, because that sounds pretty thing. Very succinct, one word like nailed it, boom, done. Mic drop, as they say. The spreadsheet was I think you just trying to find, you know, like maybe some more certainty, because you said it gave you more information about important information about yourself. I think sometimes you can ask these questions or ask questions. I don't know what I'm trying to go. You know, because you're okay, so you want some certainty, but you're like not a right you're not like willing to ask for it. But let's say you built this like spreadsheet that was gonna like you know, it was like your data set.

SPEAKER_00 33:26

And you know I don't know. I feel like instead you could have just been like, hey, so what are we doing?

SPEAKER_01 33:38

I feel like that's a lot less work than a spreadsheet. I don't know. I do love the vibrating column though. It's uh you know, and you look, I'm not being mean, you like you went the route of the spreadsheet, so that's you know, that's also you know, it's very vulnerable. You it could you know it gives you information about yourself. The information is like you love to build a full like analytical dashboard. It's like those buttons, each of those little things, like but uh you know, I think asking people questions very human, a very common thing, and I don't think you need to be as afraid to just ask the question like what what's up with I like this, or do you have thoughts about like what we're doing, or you know, I think that works. Because otherwise, what's the you know, living in that confusion is so confusing, you know? I know brilliant feedback, good takeaway from that last one. Boy, oh boy. Okay, let's do let's do another one. This one says he called me his person and then clarified.

SPEAKER_00 35:03

Oh boy, not the clarity after, God Dino.

SPEAKER_01 35:10

Oh my god, okay, so literally that's the first sentence. I'm not kidding. Dino, oh my god, okay, so the guy I was seeing for three months, not a relationship, whatever, introduced me to his co-worker at a thing we were both at. He said, I quote, this is Maya, she's kind of my person. Okay, kind of my person. His coworker looked at me, I looked at the coworker, we both looked at him, and he said, I promise you he this happened, she says. Like, you know, in a general sense. In a general sense. I'm kind of his person in a general sense. I smiled, I said, nice to meet you to the coworker. I got a drink. I stood in the corner for a few minutes, just existing with that information. And then we stopped seeing each other the following week. Not because of the general sense thing specifically, but I think the general sense thing was load bearing. Uh I told my mom this story, load bearing. Isn't that kind of embarrassing that like I think I know what that means? But like obviously you she know this you know what this means, and I don't. Load bearing. I I I'm sensing like a an axle for like a car, you know, when you so anyway, I told my mom this story, and she said, What does that mean? And I said, I genuinely don't know. And she said, Well, that's not good. And honestly, mom was right. I do saw Trap Online. Hi Rocco, hi Vito, hi Dino. Oh, yeah, you're my kind of person in a general sense. I read that like four times. I feel like a little piece of me dies a little bit every time, if I'm being really honest. Every time I read it a little bit more, dies. Okay, so like the coworker looked at you. You looked at the coworker, and then you both look back at him, and he said, Like, you know, in a general sense. Like you're like the freaking weather, or I don't even know. Like you're a vibe. Not his person, not specifically, but I like that you smiled. That's a good, that's a good, good way to handle it. Nice to meet you, get a drink, you know, keep your shit together, go stand in the corner, composure, be an adult. I think I would have left if I'm being really honest. I would have like walked probably just over to I would have set my I have to go to the bathroom. But you got a drink, which is like pretty iconic. I probably would have gotten a drink and then like left, but I don't know. But kind of my person slipped out because I think it was maybe maybe true. You know what I mean? His but you know how sometimes when people's like their mouth opens and they say shit before it, like they prefer the brain can stop it from coming out, and then his like brain went into like but guys have like this really weird, easy way of like you know, like just gonna toss in, like, you know, in a general sense, like that's totally fine, you know. Weird, fun event, yeah. And I love that your mom was like, that's not good, and your mom was right. You better listen to your mom. Mom has seen this movie, she knows how it ends. We know she knows, you know. Okay, this is the last, this is the last one. Okay, I think I'm still in it and I don't know how to leave. Uh-oh. Okay, let me put my detective glasses on. Hi, Dino. I want to tell you about something that isn't over yet, which means I don't have a resolution or a lesson or a tidy ending. Okay. I just have the middle of it, which is listen, that's the best part of the sandwich girlfriend. And I've been listening long enough to think you're okay with the middle. Of course I am. I've been in an almost relationship for about six months. We're not together, we've never been together, we've never had a conversation that used the words, what are we, or where is this going, or anything that be can could be considered a relationship. Then, and yet when something happens in my life, good or bad, he's the first person that I want to tell and he picks up every single time. Bastard. He's not stringing me along. So I want to be clear about that, because I've had the experience and this doesn't feel like that. Okay. They don't all always feel the same, by the way. But I hear, I believe you. He's present, he's warm, he shows up, he just won't name it. And I've let him not name it because every time I think about having the conversation, I picture the possibility that he says, I don't feel that way, and I lose the person I talk to every day. Dilemma. So I keep the thing as it is, unnamed and warm and uncertain, because uncertain is less scary to me than the specific answer that might end it. This is exactly what I said at the beginning of the episode. I feel like people know this feeling. I know what this is. I know I'm protecting myself from a conversation I need to have by staying in a comfortable ambiguity that isn't really comfortable. It's just familiar. Yep. Totally different, comfortable and familiar. I don't know how to leave the comfortable ambiguity. I don't know if I want to. I've been doing your Saturday classes. I think about this every time. Apparently, physical exertion makes the feelings come up faster. Uh, who knew? Thank you for that. I think. Oh, you're welcome. And you know what, babe? I'm always gonna be okay with the middle. I swear to God. Promise. Bring me the middle. And also Saturday classes, I was telling somebody yesterday, they're like the best. If you haven't been to a Saturday class here at the studio, you have to come. They're just the vibe is so much fun. Fire truck. I don't know if you can hear it. Sometimes I make comments about noises in the background, but I don't necessarily hear them that well. But anyway, unnamed and warm and uncertain the word the words you use. I because it's not bad. It's not even like it necessarily a red flag. Because it's not wrong. It's it's just like not it's it's never crossing the finish line. You know what I mean? So in a way that it like kind of costs you a little bit something every day. But it doesn't feel like it's costing you anything. It's and listen, I'm gonna hold your hand and say this with a lot of love. You're not in this because you don't know what you want, you know exactly what you want. You're I mean, yeah, you're in it because I think you're scared that asking will break the having, which is different. I mean, it matters that if you like you gotta name it the right thing. Because it's not that I don't know what I want. It's like it's it's I'm scared to lose something good by asking for what I really want. I think those are two different problems with two different like answers that are you know what I mean. So I think always being able to like call it out right is I don't know, call it out correctly is the right way to go. Because that whatever you called it, the comfortable ambiguity, it's not safe. I'll put the I'm putting the discomfort like on layaway. It's like it's what is this like you know, putting it's like emotional Klarna. So you know the the ambiguity will is very patient. It will wait for a long time, you know. And honestly, if you can it you can you can if you can't survive a conversation about what it is, then it's not as solid as you think it is. You know what I mean? It's like the rape person not gonna disappear because you asked for a little bit more, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 43:33

So pee-poo pop. Should I read this last one? Should I do it? There's one more.

SPEAKER_01 43:44

I'm gonna save this last one because I keep talking about wanting to do a Patreon episode, and so I'm I'm gonna put my word on the table, and I'm gonna put together because this This one's a little bit longer, and I want to put together a little Patreon episode that I will make free so that people can come and check out the Patreon. It'd be nice to kind of reacquaint myself with everybody over there. So stay tuned for that. I will save this one for that. Don't you worry. And yeah, that feels pretty good, right? I think that feels pretty good. Anyway, so look, at the end of the day, that phrase comes out of my mouth like every 10 seconds, so I apologize. But you know, everybody's like talking about this thing that exists that like doesn't really have a name. And it's like it is like a situationship, but it's like it that doesn't even really sort of capture like the really deep, you know, feeling. And to everyone who sent in like the the almost relationship stories, it's the you know, you know, it's like the one you like don't know how to explain to your friends. You still bump into that person or that think of that person sometimes when you're just like walking around. Anyway, I I think we all, I especially I hear you, I know that those feelings are real. And we and you're allowed to say that out loud that it felt real. Anyway, follow me on Instagram at I Hear You Babe Pod. That'll be where I post next week's prompts. Please send your stories to I HearYouBabe Pod at gmail.com. And if you listen, also if you have podcast ideas sitting in your little brain, you know, whatever, send that over too. I want to I want to talk. I've got a little podcast situation, a little studio set up here. And, you know, just thinking about what we can do since we have the space. So uh if you've got a podcast idea, let me know. Otherwise, that's it. That's this week's episode. I hear you, babe. Talk to you guys next week. Bye.