45. Why Are Men?

why are men…

i did not raise these men but here i am, full-time translator. a man wore patti smith's face to a date and didn't know her name. another wore cargo shorts to a french bistro. one mid-act in murray hill said "ravishing" — with vibrato.

also: the pentagon is now the "department of war." the white house emailed a reporter an alien emoji. a family in vegas filed a 911 report on a 10-foot non-human entity in their backyard.

we close on the hardest version of the question — a divorced mom watching her ex-husband become dad of the year six months after the marriage ended.

this is part one. part two next week.

ihearyoubabepod@gmail.com 🍋⚖️

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, everyone, and welcome to I Hear You Babe. My name is Dino Melvone, and I'm your host. We have got a super fun episode for you guys today. Bunch of emails that you guys sent into IHear YouBabepod at gmail.com. What I wait wait, hold on. I messed it up already because I was supposed to say I'm your full-time feeler, part-time hater. What did I say? Healer or feeler? I can't remember. Anyway, you can probably hear in my voice. I am broadcasting to you today from inside the studio, which is like where I slept last night. And you know I record the podcast here, but because I was I ended up working late. I was doing um a little sub sub-stack about money mindset because I'm trying to rewrite, you know, whatever. And I just thought it'd be easier for me to just stay here than go home, which means like Rocco and Vito are home with Darius, and they they're all mad at me. Anyway, you guys tell them I love them. Don't tell them anything else, okay? Because I'm gonna have to go on like an apology tour when I get home. And I want to say I have slept at the studio before for sure, because I mean I pay every single dollar that I make in rent back to this place. And it's like rather than travel sometimes 45 minutes one way, 45 minutes back the next day, it's like I'll take the extra 45 minutes of sleep, you know? But I don't know if you know this, but the the studio is an Aster place in New York City, and we're right above the six train. So you don't notice it during the day because there's like so much other noise going around. But like at night when you sleep here, like the building shakes a little bit, like not shakes, but like kind of rattles a little. And it's a rickety building, you know, it's like old and it's creaky. And it's a building that like I think in the daytime has like, you know, the smell of patchouli or like some kind of you know, Palo Santo or whatever. And you know, the lighting's really pretty, and we got like some gorgeous furniture, and then at night when everyone else is gone, it's for sure haunted. I'm in my own, like, it's like my own, my own haunted Italian horror story mansion. Like the way that the door, because I closed the studio doors, it's a railroad. So I closed the doors to keep the light out if I'm sleeping. And the way that the door like opened and closed, because the breeze or whatever, because I had the window open, the way I had to sit up on the couch and like, you know, and at that point of the night, you're like, Am I seeing something? I don't know. Basically, I just speak to the ghosts and I just say, Listen, and they're listening to me right now, which is fine. I'm it's not my space, right? It's yours. I'm just here renting for a little while. Don't worry. The cool thing about this building, though, if I'm being really honest, is in the back, which is like it faces like a little, like not, it's not a courtyard, but it's like this in-between space between three buildings. And it's interesting because they still have the original shutters on the windows from like 1840 or some shit. So I know this building's been here a long time, and I I don't know. But also, the funniest part is like I you know in the middle of the night, if something happened or even during the day, sometimes like a button will fly off the wall or just some random weird shit that you're just like not expecting, and you're like, who's there? You know, nobody answered last night, which I know frankly I think is the correct answer for a ghost, if you're asking me. I don't think a ghost should be able to respond. You know what I'm saying? Let me let me just let me just live my life, okay? You can keep it. But the ghost to me is a woman, and in her former life, she was so rich, and she does not approve of salt drop. And I think she should be I think she thinks that we should be doing more abs. No? She's like, no, I don't think that the arm section in that class was terrible. No, but anyway, we're gathered here today to acknowledge and show love to the ghost who lives in this building. I don't know. What do we name her? Beverly. I'm gonna call her Beverly. Man, I don't know if I like that name. Let's see. Anyway whoever Beverly, if that's okay with you, I I don't want to stay here forever, okay? You may stay. I'm just temporary. Anyway, okay, so I'm like, you can still tell I have like a little bit of a lingering thing in my sinuses, but you know, I the flu is gone, and it's you know, but I have now traded the flute for sleeping on the couch at the studio. But anyway, I we have transferred the suffering from one body system to another. The body keeps the score. Listen, sometimes I'm out of spoons. If you know, you know. Okay, so also can we quickly briefly just address the weather? Because today is 62 degrees. Yesterday it was 93. Okay, that's a 30, what? Do the math with me, 31 degree drop in 24 hours. That's like a seasonal change. It's like whoever is up there pushing those buttons is totally fucking with us right now. And you know, when it was like freezing in April, I they're playing with us, they're flipping that switch. They're like, you know, they decided New Yorkers don't need to know what kind of coat they should wear today. Or should they wear shorts or should they wear what are we doing? Yesterday I was like literally in a mesh shirt with shorts and like some sandals on. Also, wait, and then today I'm in like a long sleeve with some sweatpants on. And like by Thursday I'll probably be in a parka. And then Saturday I'll be out sunbathing. So uh as Carly Aquilina would say, the girls are ready, they're getting stir crazy, they need to get out there in their flip-flops and their little tank tops and their short skirts. But anyway, okay, so also, by the way, the idea of men wearing flip-flops and showing their toes is so controversial here in New York. I don't understand why. To some degree, I do, because last two nights ago when we were going home with Darius, they were cleaning the subway pavement, like in the actual, you know, like in the it was at the I forget it was like the Metropolitan Lorem or stop. They were like sweeping with bleach water, right? And I had sandals on. And I tried so hard not to like kick the water back onto myself as I was lifting my foot. But in the end, I still got screwed and my foot was a little bit wet. So, but don't, I mean, don't worry. I like the second I got home, I took a shower, but also I I get it. But I don't think it's about people worried about me getting my feet dirty. I think that people just think that men shouldn't show their toes. Why? Why? I get pedicures. I I feel like I'm hot, so I need to be toes out. And I think I get a pass because I'm gay, but would love to hear some feedback on that. Okay, so then also I have all these like dumb little things that I want to tell you, but then I'm like, let's get to these stupid emails. Lee, the idea of I not stupid emails like me, like Dino, get to the gosh darn emails. But I just also think it's so funny because my Instagram explore page is so spot on with me right now. So, okay, so the last three weeks, like I'm deep. I said this last episode, deep in conspiracy theory Instagram. Like, deep cuts. I'm getting fed videos that are like, if you see this video, you better watch it again because it's gonna go away. We're talking about the Aviary, we're talking about Tartaria, if you don't know. We're talking about the yellow book, the red book. I'm not kidding. I can't even stress how niche this is. It's at the underground tunnel networks beneath the Denver International Airport. Like, girl, I'm seeing like, you know, fighter jets come out of mountainsides, and I I don't know. But it's a real corner of the internet for sure. And like real people have committed a lot of time to this. So, but and the algorithm algorithm has clocked me. You know, like I'm I'm a girly who's deep into the into the lore. You know, let's go, girls. But also, this is where it kind of gets more unhinged is that the fact that the algorithm isn't actually get it knows me so well that in between the conspiracy theory videos, I'm getting literally in between. It'll go from like one to another. It's serving me like main coon videos. So it now my feed is like you know, it's the suppressed history of a lost world plus a main coon like being a diva or stretching, then it'll go to like a video who of a guy who thinks he can see like you know through government cover-ups using like um a thermal frequency girl. And then another main coon, and then like a leaked video about a CIA something, and then like a main coon that's eating. Conspiracy, main coon, conspiracy, main coon, conspiracy, main coon. So anyway, I think it's the funniest thing. I and it's like I'm being radicalized while I'm also being comforted in the same, like in the same session. One of them's like, the earth is flat, and they've been lying to you since like the 1950s. And then the next video shows me like a 25-pound cat that someone stretched wide, so you can see how the fact that they're not even a cat, they're basically a lion. Not me having a sip of my coffee. You guys, I like my coffee in case you ever want to get me one, and we're out and about. It's I just want regular coffee with half and half and two Splenda, and don't come from me. But so, okay, I without, I don't even go into the rest of it because I listen, I've been also on top of this, I'm also getting stuff about aliens left and right. Lord. Okay, it's just too much. But let's go, let's do okay. This is the actual best part in the part that I have been like turning over my head for a couple weeks, is it what happened in Las Vegas? They were okay, so just real quick, the police were called to this like backyard. There was like a family and like kids, and the cops were called because in their yard, two, and I I think it's like exactly there are two unidenti unknown entities that they were describing as like not human. And that they said it was a big creature, it was long and it had it was like 10 feet tall. Okay. So I don't know. And listen, if the aliens are listening, just like Beverly is listening, it's it. I I don't even know. You can come if you guys come down, come to Astor Place first. Come get me first. Oh my god, there's guys outside on this big tall building washing the windows. So scary. They're like hanging on a wire. Good story. Anyway, so listen, come to the salt drop studio. I've got some, I can make you an espresso. We've got a pizza oven. I'm ready to I'm ready to kick on. Oh, I got an air fryer. I have a ghost named Beverly. We got everything you could need, so just take me. I want to be first. Okay, so I haven't even said what we're talking about today, which is the Why Our Men episode. And I've been talking about all this other shit for like 15 minutes. So hold on. You know, the idea is for this episode, I just kind of wanted to get a sense from everybody. It's like a running joke on Giggly Squad, they always like, you know, wire men, period. Question mark. And excuse me. And you know, I feel like there's something to be said about like the fact that you know, men are running this like alien disclosure thing that's happening. Why are all the aliens men? Like, why is my own Instagram algorithm just doing like all this work to like get me to just love Man Coons and conspiracy theories? I don't understand. Why is there a woman in my studio named Beverly? Okay, never mind. So, anyway, the pattern is that there are men everywhere we're surrounded, and the men are running this government. The pattern is like really fucking universal, if you ask me. So I wanted to go, I wanted to reach out and I want to dig into this inbox because I'm gonna tell you like the before we start, I I feel like this one's gonna be a fun one. So Beverly, relax. Okay, let's get to these emails. First one says, Dear Dino, hi Rocco, hi Vito. I found you through a TikTok and then I caught onto your podcast, and I feel seen because this is a this feels like a personal diary of yours. Well, thank you. She said I subscribed immediately. Sorry, I might I already need to take another sip because sometimes reading is hard. Okay. Today, okay, so Tuesday, hinge date. He shows up in a vintage Patty Smith t-shirt. Okay. I love Patty Smith. I have a poster of Patty Smith in my bedroom that I framed myself. I get excited, I say, oh my god, horses or Easter era? And he blinks at me. Then he says, and I'm quoting, Oh, I actually don't know who that is. I just like the shirt at Goodwill. Dino, he's wearing her face on his chest and he doesn't know her name. Why are men? The okay, I I okay. So listen, the boys, I'm just going through the email so I can respond. The boys say hello back, obviously. And first of all, you know, you're wearing Patty Smith. She's like the what do you call it? Like the Lauriette. Do you like how that used that word? That's very academic of me. Let's get varsity. She's like, I don't know, how else would you say like the godmother of maybe like grunge? You have to have seen this book, just kids, right? Because you know, it's like I think every dude or every person that lives in Bushwick like carries it around like it's a you know, it's a part of their outfit. So, yeah, but okay, this okay, this is the wire men conversation, I feel like in its most pure form, right? Because it's like the shirt's not costume, babe. My ex-husband, this is so funny. Yes, I have an ex-husband. My ex-husband has ACDC tattooed on his knuckles. Girl, I can't tell you if he ever heard an AC DC song in his whole life. It was like purely for the aesthetic. Like, you have to look, okay. So you know, I think the shirt is a conversation starter, and and he didn't have like a he didn't have a backup plan, you know? Like just no. It's okay to buy a shirt at the goodwill and not know. And you say yes to the vibe, but you could maybe like do a tiny bit of homework, right?

SPEAKER_01 15:51

I don't know. It's it's I don't know, it's kind of giving like, oh, I just like the look.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

And I don't know. Where do we stand on this? I think some people are gonna say, like, for sure you need to know who the fuck is on your t-shirt if you're gonna wear the t-shirt. I also love band t-shirts too, and vintage t-shirts. So I just I think some people are gonna be like, if you're wearing the face of a woman on that, you know, your shirt, you need to know like at least one song or something. I don't know. Or I don't know, just maybe put three facts into your pocket about about her so that way it's like you know, Patty deserves better. You don't feel like an asshole, and then you'll get a second date. You know what I'm saying? Okay, this next one says, I hi Dino. Hi from one of your gay listeners. Well, hello. I found you because Carly Aquilino mentioned you on her podcast, and she was talking about your business, and I immediately signed up and took a class. Tell Carly Thanks if you ever talked to her. Hi to the boys and hi to Darius. Oh. He's gonna love it. Question for the inbox: why are gay men also doing this? Okay, so last week I had a third date. A third date, the date where you have to be the better version of yourself, and the guy I've been talking to showed up to a French bistro on the Lower East Side wearing slim fit cargo shorts at a tank top. Could never be me. He sounds European. You know how the Europeans do, they wear like jaggings. Skin tight. You can't not you can see the money in their wallet. You know? The cargo shorts had eight pockets. No, I counted while he was talking. That sounds like never mind. To me, it sounds like when I went home, my mom has this Irish, whatever, Iris Springs pump thing. Because I I wanted, I was like, I need body wash because she uses like dove bars. I'm like, ugh. So I got this body wash, it's a five and one. Five and one? Am I gonna brush my teeth with it? What are we doing? So anyway, she says I had told him exactly explicitly the reservation was at a French bistro, and I sent him the link. The link had a photo of the menu. Dino, the cargo shorts with eight pockets. What is he carrying?

unknown 18:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:18

Listen, for first, okay, so I starting from the top, you know, the Carly Aquilino thing, it's like, I think that she's the reason why I wanted to start this podcast anyway. So I I think I I I genuinely feel like I owe her royalties at this point. Like, girl, let's go to dinner. The, you know, you got a free membership at the salt drop, even though I know you don't work out, but bring your friend Ash. But yeah, she's my parasocial best friend. And yeah, all of my boys say hello too. The uh so eight pockets to a French bistro is a little uh interesting because it sounds like he was preparing for a journey, maybe the apocalypse. What do you need eight pockets for? Sounds like we're doing something, you know what I mean? And like he he came to the third date like with some provisions. You know, preparing to be airlifted at any moment. Preparing to be like in the underground bunker at any moment. And you know, gay men honestly because I know we like to pretend it's only straight men who do this, and to be clear, like straight men definitely do wear that type of shit more. But our gays, our gays are out here wearing cargo shorts to dinner in a slim fit, which is I feel like somehow worse than wearing them in like a baggy fit. Because I I don't know, both of them are choices, and he went to the store and was like, Yep, that's my size. So uh wire men, I think the answer in this case is that he doesn't know what dress codes are. And to be honest, there really aren't too many dress code places here in New York City, at least ones that we don't frequent. But, you know, if you're gonna go to a French bistro, it feels like he's wearing the same outfit that you would wear to like the dive bar. So, and like I feel like not every occasion is for the same outfit. So, you know, I don't know. What are we doing? Are we going on the fourth date or do we close the file? Court is adjourned. We're gonna pour out an espresso on the at the bistro next time in in reverence. Okay, the next one says, Hi Dino. Longtime salt drop regular, Saturday, 11 a.m. The class where you play all the best music and where you openly sob at the very end, iconic classes all the time. And I tell everyone about it, I swear I won't be quiet about it. Yeah, no, don't gatekeep you guys. We don't like that. So she says, I have something to enter into the Why Our Men archive. I'm a professional chef and I have been a chef for 16 years. I have a Michelin star, I'm writing a cookbook. I have on multiple occasions cooked for actual celebrities. This is not me bragging, this is just the actual setup for this email. Okay. So two Saturdays ago, I had my best friend Olivia and her husband Greg over for dinner, and I made some papardelle with short rib ragu, which is like a six-hour braise, my grandmother's recipe. And the only one I keep entirely from memory. Good for you. Olivia loves this dish. We do it every couple months, and the pasta was rolled, the ragu was simmering, the table was set. And then Greg walked into my kitchen, looked at the pot, and said, You know, you really want to deglaze with wine first, or you'll lose the fond. What? What the hell's the fond? Dino, he said it casually, like he was helping and he was being nice, and he worked in finance for 19 years, and the wine had been added two hours earlier. Okay. Olivia made eye contact with me. From across the room, and I saw her soul leave her body. We didn't say anything. I served dinner. Greg complimented the pasta. He actually had three servings. And why are men? Not a man's planning to you how to do. Okay, so first of all, the 11 a.m. class. We that class is just always so fun. If you guys are just you can join us online, you can meet us in person. Saturdays are not that every class isn't super fun, but that Saturday has some special energy. Also, the boys send their love. Vito would like to um volunteer to bite Greg's whatever, arm, butt, foot, whatever he can get to. So, okay, the wine was already in the gosh darn pot, okay? The wine was already working, it had been doing its job like 120 minutes ago. Greg from Finance. He walked into your like, what is it? Your professional Michelin-started restaurant kitchen gave you a tip. He said, he was doling out that wisdom.

SPEAKER_01 23:02

So I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 23:07

It's he said deglaze with wine as if he was currently the one like creating this, like the fond. I don't even know what that is. But he wasn't the one. You haven't ever deglazed a thing in your entire life, Greg. Okay? You never made a pan sauce. You work in finance. All you've ever done is taste sauce. You've never made it. That's the extent of your pan sauce extravaganza credentials. So I don't know. The eye contact with your friend is like a basically like you're saying literally I can't with this dude. And you can communicate that with just your eyes. So you can see her soul leave her body like we were watching the movie Ghost. God, because I bet you she's had to see this happen so many times over and over again that the fact that it was happening in your kitchen, she was just like, ugh. Tell Olivia that we're sorry. And uh, if she wants, she gets a free salt drop class on me. The wire men in this case, I feel like Greg is confusing like explaining with participating. Just shut up and stand there, bro. You know, just have a glass of wine, relax. Like, I just wait. Have confidence, you know? You're not the only one with a credential. Like and confidence cannot be your credential, bro. You know? And if the pasta was so fucking incredible and he had three servings, that's like the ultimate, like take it. So I don't know. I'm thinking about you. Keep cooking. And the wine already knew. The wine always knows. Three servings. Okay. This one says, Dino. Hi from a 32-year-old straight woman in Astoria who found you through a salt drop class, my friend dragged me to last fall. And now I'm a regular Saturday person who cries at the end. You know what you're doing. Hi to the boys, hi to Darius. Not two highs to Darius in this episode. And I have something to enter into record, and I've been holding it for three weeks in your inbox, only safe place to put it. Okay. Always. You guys are these are always anonymous. Hinge guy, fourth date. Things have been going good. Okay, love to see it. We love a boss girl winning. He had been normal, sweet, attentive, funny, asked about my mom. The bar was really low, but he was clearing it gracefully. Okay. We've been making out at the end of every date. We love a makeout. And I had been like, okay, I think we're doing this on date four. Oh. Okay. Strap, get your seatbelts on. Date four, his apartment, Murray Hill. Yes, Murray Hill. If you know, you know. It's just strange. I knew, but he had been pretty sweet and things were going really well. I mean, really well. And I was, and I want to be clinical about this. I was on top. He was looking up at me, and I was fully having a good time. The candles were on. And then Dino, he stopped what he was doing. He looked me directly in the eyes with full Shakespearean intensity. And he said, and I'm quoting him verbatim, every syllable with the cadence, he said, You are absolutely ravishing. Oh God, not ravishing. She said, Ravishing, Dino. So mid-act, Murray Hill with his finance haircut, he said, ravishing to me like he was Mr. Darcy at a Regency ball and I was in a corset. He said, I had been like he said it like I'd been waiting to say it. Like he'd been waiting to say it. Like he had made eye contact with me on purpose and he said it with a vibrato. No, not he's saying it to you. I had to bury my face in the pillow because I could not stop laughing. And he thought I could not stress this enough. He thought I was overcome with emotion. Yep. Yeah. He took it as a compliment to his timing. Totally. He doubled down, he kept going, he kept making meaningful icon attacked every sample. I looked to my face from the pillow and I had to keep putting my face back in the pillow because I could not. And then after we were done, after I had fully recovered, he turned to me in the dark in the bed and he said, also verbatim, I love connecting with you on this very intimate level, like a Hallmark card. No. I left at 6 a.m. I've not stopped thinking about the word ravishing. I think about it on the train. I think about it during meetings. I've told this story to three people, and we are all permanently changed. Why are men? First of all, girl, Saturdays. Listen, we got you. Again, I can't believe there's like two emails in one. The universe is strange. But also ravishing. Girl, he said ravishing in Murray Hill with a finance haircut in vibrato. Like ravishing. And the cadence and the way you wrote it out, like you are absolutely ravishing, absolutely in all caps. With a period in between every word. It's like he had it prepared. He was like talking, he was like, this is what he has been saying the same shit since college for sure. I mean. Or maybe he wasn't saving it in like a little velvet box. Just wanted to like, you know, had this little velvet box in his throat, and he just wanted to serve you this gift. I love connecting with you on this intimate level. Please don't. Are we wrapping up a corporate retreat? What's going on? It's like, is this a are we doing are we doing my Q4 performance assessment? Like, that's not pillow talk, girl. You gotta like, you gotta do better than that. And I I don't know. I I think this is actually a gift, if I'm being honest. Because this is like, I think, a conversation that you're a story that you're gonna tell every single time you're at brunch for the next like 15 years. Ravishing. Listen, I don't think you were, you know, as long as you were able to make it through and you you got out of there safely at 6 a.m. then I don't know. I just look, I just think a word like ravishing is gonna work really well in the group chat. Like just drop it in the uh in the group chat like randomly for no reason and just like see what everybody says. Okay, next one says Dino. Okay. I'm 41 years old, divorced, mother of two girls, ages nine and eleven, and I found you on Instagram. You appeared on my for you page during my chemo treatments in 2024. Oh, I'm okay now, fully clear. Thank you, universe. Well, I'm so happy to hear that. And your voice got me through some of those long afternoons in the waiting rooms. Oh, girl, thank you. The girls have grown up with your voice in the kitchen because I play your online workout videos sometimes just to hear the music. Oh. So here's my contribution to the inbox. This is a very sweet email. My ex-husband and I divorced two years ago. The divorce was not amicable. He was, he was, while we were married, a checked-out father. And he missed recitals. He would work late, and he didn't know that the he didn't know the pedestrian, the pediatrician's name, not pedestrian. Oh my god. I did everything and I did it angry.

SPEAKER_01 30:54

Sounds like my mom.

SPEAKER_00 30:56

So six months after our divorce was finalized, he became, and I want you to brace yourself, a tremendous father. Like a dad from a commercial. He shows up to recitals now. He plans elaborate weekends for the girls. He bakes cookies with them. He texts them goodnight. He keeps a planner of their activities, and the girls adore him. And I should be happy, but I'm losing my mind. Why did he wait until we got divorced to become the father he could have been the entire time? Why did our actual marriage and family not deserve this version of him? And why is he getting to be dad of the year on Instagram while I sit with the years he was dad of the sometimes? I love that the girls have him now, and I'm furious he wasn't him then. I don't know what to do with both of those feelings at one time. Thank you for listening. Well, okay, you're okay. I think you're fully clear on what's happening, and and I and so I'm glad, and you know, the girls sound the girls sound great, but you know, I think this is a tough, tough, it's a tough decision. Like it's a hard version of the wireman question for sure. Cause I think you're describing a dude who's like he's not a dude in cargo shorts. Like this here, this is like a man who's like revealing himself in his like post-divorce I don't know, what do you performance of dad? And the version I think you were married to was a choice, and then the choice was to give the family less of what he was capable of doing, you know. And I think that's the part that's like maybe the most heartbreaking because he's not he'cause he's a good dad now, and that could he could have been then too. And that and that you spent 11 years like doing everything for some absentee dad who you know, and this was like you know, he had the capability of doing more. He just didn't bring it whenever you guys were married. And here's the why for this dude. Okay. I think a lot of married guys like they just coast through life on this assumption that like the wife just does fucking everything. And they do like the kids' shit and they organize and they clean and they and they they cook and they and they run the house to some degree. And you know, you know the pediatrician's name because you know the phone number. You're the one that's baking cookies, you're like the one that's taking like the nights where the girls are sad, you're sitting with them in bed. You know, it's like telling them everything's gonna be okay. And then, you know, the marriage ends, and you know, the the wife is no longer like the safety net. Yo, I could tell you examples just from my own life. This is a very, very, very, very common, especially older generation, not even necessarily older, but like some people have that ingrained.

SPEAKER_01 34:04

And, you know, whatever it is, I feel like, you know, they can do better.

SPEAKER_00 34:16

You know, dad of the year on Instagram is like the version of him that existed the whole time. I think he was just like being lazy because you were doing it for him, you know, like you were covering it also. Like, who who needs to do my own work? And, you know, I think both of those feelings are real, if you ask me. And I think you can love the girls for and love the fact that the girls have him and they can, you know, they get that dad that they deserve. But don't let anyone, like especially this guy, pressure you to pick only one of those feelings. Because I think you can have both. You know what I mean? You you have to grieve the marriage that you lost and also coexist with like gratitude for the fact that he's a good dad to the girls. Both. So, anyway, tell the girls that Dino says hi and that their mom is the best. And yeah. So, okay, team, I'm gonna wrap this up. We are grateful. Listen, I'm so grateful that you guys send your emails. I'm so grateful that you guys share your stories. Remember, they're always gonna be anonymous, okay? So don't worry about you know, any of that. I always got your back. Number one. Number two, if you had fun listening to this episode, please share it with somebody. Go like, subscribe, review, all the good stuff. And that's it. I'll see you guys next time. Bye.