46. Why Are Men, Part 2.

the back half of the inbox. a husband who became a running stat, a Carly-coded shit crappens (the lamb, IYKYK), a 62-year-old still waiting to hear "i love you" from her brother, and a closer that lands on actual hope — the woman who finally met a man who answers questions.

plus: 50 and rainy, and the Aunt Diane documentary that colonized my brain.

ihearyoubabepod@gmail.com 🍋

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, everyone, and welcome to I Hear You Babe. My name is Dino Malvone, and I'm your host. We've got another great episode for you guys today. It's a bunch of emails that you sent in to IHearYouBabepod at gmail.com. And of course, a couple things we have to, you know, chit chat about before we begin, obviously, because I'm always here to update you on the dumb stuff that's happening in my life to make the dumb stuff happening in your life feel a little less dumb. Okay. No, but we got this is part two of why our men. And if you missed part one, you should go back and listen to it for sure. It was a I think it was a great episode. It was a cute little like 30-something minute episode, which I think is great. And then we're back to finish the inbox today. It's that back half of emails that we got for this for this week's prompt. And yeah, so we're gonna get back to it. But you know, and look, I think before we begin, it's only fair for me to say, oh, it's like literally 50 degrees in New York City and it's raining all week after we had that huge, I don't even know, heat wave that came through. It was like 90 something degrees for a few days. Girl, I already have my portable fan out. If anybody suffers like I do in the summertime, because the second the summer hits, I struggle. You know, I'm like looking for the quickest route to get to the train station. And then in the train station, if you've survived outside, chances are that the train station is gonna be a good 15 to 20 degrees warmer. Andor then once you get onto the train itself, it's gonna be either even hotter than that or potentially freezing cold. So that's always a good time. But I got my portable fan going. It's probably the best 50 bucks I ever spent on Amazon. I know. Listen, I know about the Amazon purchases, I shouldn't be doing it. Listen, my my job, my job is to keep the lights on over there at Amazon, okay? So you guys can say thank you to me. We I got this thing charged up and ready to go. So, but definitely don't need it right today because it's just it's honestly, it's given up. It feels like um it's we've we've now had summer and fall and a damp little like British Sunday all in the same calendar month. And I I fully have given up. I'm not I'm not even mad about it anymore. I just I stopped looking at the weather. I just wear anything and everything now. I leave the house dressed for four seasons, like like I, you know, 50 in rain, fine, moving on. The but god, okay, and is the only thing I'm gonna mention else because I I really want to get just straight into the emails today. But you guys, I don't know, you know, you guys know that I love, you know, I love myself a true crime situation. But I so this past week, I of course I stumble onto a new podcast that I really like, another true crime podcast. Several of them. First one is this one called America's Most Infamous Crimes, which I think is great. And then there's another one called Women and Crime. And that one, that women and crime, they're both like former criminologists. And they did an episode recently on this. This story is truly just difficult to wrap your mind around. But they they did an episode on this woman named Diane Schuller. And this one takes like a real left turn, so buckle up because it's I, you know, I watched after a couple years of people telling me to this, you know, documentary on HBO called There's Something Wrong with Aunt Diane. And it's older, it's like from 2011. And I think they I think they started filming it probably six months after this like tragic accident took place. But okay, so I haven't stopped thinking about it because honestly, it's I I broke the documentary up into two, and then I listened to this podcast, Women and Crime. And then, of course, I like sought out some other podcasts and whatever, because it's it's a really I'm gonna tell you it's I think it's a really difficult story to figure out. So, and if you don't know the story, it's I'll tell you to you like carefully because I like eight people died. So there's it's so in July of 2009, there's this like uh woman, a middle-aged woman, like 36 years old, I think she was, named Diane Schuler, and she was driving home from a camping trip. And they they went home in two separate cars. Like her husband went home with the dog because it had a pickup truck, and then they they got this van that they borrowed so that they could bring the family back. And she had her daughter and her son and three nieces in the car, and also Diane. So they're coming home from this camping trip, and on the Taconic Parkway here in New York City, she got on the this ramp and drove the wrong way down the highway for like 1.7 miles, and then eventually she crashed directly into like head-on into an SUV. And like when she drove the into the SUV, like directly into it, like they she in this van, they veered off kind of to the right and down into the embankment. And then this other car, the SUV that they hit directly on, like obviously veered also, but the other direction ended up hitting another car. And there were like three men in the other car that were on their way to like a family dinner, family party. They were, they died, these three guys died on impact, which is already crazy enough. And then there were the obviously the kids, there were some deaths there too. There was only one survivor in that crash. There was like a little boy, her son, and he survived somehow, but he was still uh very hurt. But so anyway, so he's the only survivor was this like five-year-old kid. Then the toxicology report came back and showed that she had such a high level of alcohol in her system. It was like basically the equivalent of 10 drinks that had already metabolized in her stomach, and like two more drinks that were like still sitting there that hadn't metabolized. And then on top of that, she had a high level of THC, or at least a level that would indicate that she smoked like 15 minutes to an hour before she died. So, and here's the really crazy thing about it because, like, after it's really not about the crash, so much about what happened after, because Diane was by every single person's account that knew her ever, was like did not have a drinking problem. She was like the perfectionist, competent one, soap, super organized. She was like the mom that you would like, you know, she would other moms relied on her too, you know. She had a good job. She was the rock, you know, in the family. But then toxicology came back and said, like, none of that matched the woman who was like behind the wheel. And the crazy thing is they do all these autopsies. They they discovered that like that actually, you know, that the DNA came from Diane, and that Diane was the one who had all this alcohol in her system. And so, like, they also found a broken, absolute bottle in the car. There were also some phone calls from the kids that were in the car on the cell phone saying something's wrong with Aunt Diane. They were freaking out because she was driving crazy. So then, you know, her husband becomes like the central guy in the in the documentary because he can't and won't accept the toxicology report because he's like, she didn't drink and she wasn't a drunk, and like the labs are wrong. And there's got to be some kind of medical explanation that you guys haven't figured out. So he launches an investigation, like he puts all this money into like trying to figure it out, and he will not budge, right? But like the official story is that you know, this is what went down. So there's, I mean, I have compassion for this guy. He seems like very destroyed after this, and I'm not dunking on him. The mass guy lost his wife and his daughters in the same day. It's like, you know, his son survived, and the grief is like terrible. I can't judge what that does to a person, but what the documentary captures is like denial can become like this dude's like entire architecture of his life now. And you know, the thing is like they're trying to trying to convince you that there's like this conspiracy that in rat rather than just like learn leaning into what like the version of the truth that all the evidence kind of backs up. And it's I you know, I don't know. It's like the the whole thing, I feel like is you know, it's just a tr it's so it's such a tragic story. And at the end, it's always just like difficult to wrap your mind around because there are so many people that suggest, you know, she didn't have an enlarged liver, which would which would indicate somebody who had you know ongoing issues with alcohol. And so it's like the whole thing had me staring at the wall, and then being like, is this dude in denial? Because denial isn't love either. And sometimes it's the most desperate form of love. But anyway, that's the saddest part. Anyway, that is just like a scratch of the surface. I definitely think that you should watch this. It's it's a tough one to watch, but anyway, by the way, Dino, stop talking and get to these emails. Okay, so we've got a couple emails to finish, and I promised you that I would get this episode out to you because why are men? You know? So let's let's do it. Let's get into these emails. The first one says, Dear Dino, it's a pandemic IG live girly checking in. Oh, that's amazing. When are you gonna get into the studio? I uh I did your classes when I was 31 and pregnant with my first kid. I was living in a small apartment in Jersey City, and you were the only one of the only voices that made me feel like a person while I was incubating a separate person. Not you building a whole new person. Shit always makes me I'm always astounded. I'm like, I mean meanwhile, I'm over here complaining about work. You're like, okay, I just built a kidney, so what am I drinking today? Electrolyte blue. This is not the electrolyte zero, this is regular electrolyte. They don't have they didn't have the zero where I went to go, but they also did have a new flavor called cherry ice, repeat review coming soon. I'm sure it's amazing. So the baby is six now and she dances in the living room while I while I do salt drop generations. Hi to the boys. Listen, I think it's so cute when I get I used to get videos of this more so during the pandemic, but we have like lots of videos with kids and their parents doing the workouts too. So, but anyway, so she says, here's my entry. My husband took up running last September. He never had run before in his life, and he decided he wanted to do a half marathon. Okay. I feel like a lot of people have that, they catch that bug, you know? So she says, I supported this. I bought him a watch, I helped him pick out shoes, and I was a great wife about it. We love that system of support. It's been eight months now, and I'm gonna list the things that I know now. I know his average pace per mile, I know his cadence, I know his average heart rate during zone two. I know his weekly mileage, I know what easy effort means versus tempo versus threshold. Oh, we're getting technical here. I I used to run marathons. I don't know if I know those wall is, I know which trail he prefers, I know which hill he hates, and I know that he is currently in taper week. So you went on a crash course in marathon training, even though you're not doing, you feel like you probably have though, right? Dealing with him has been your own marathon. So last Wednesday I had a presentation at work and I had been stressed out about it for three weeks. And I told him on Monday that it was happening. I told him on Tuesday night that I was nervous. I came home Wednesday after delivering it. It went well. Thank you for asking. And he said, How was your day? And I had to remind him that I had the presentation. He said, Oh, right, how was it? And I said, Yeah, good, thanks for asking. And then he told me about his run. Why are men? So, you know, first, I again, you doing salt drop while pregnant, and like, and listen, I have several of those stories because I've I've in fact one of my clients here in the city I've been working out with or teaching fitness to so like almost 11 years, something like that, 10 years, 11 years. And I've seen her through three pregnancies. So it always holds a really nice, warm place in my heart. And and I always feel like these kids probably, without even knowing it, really like house music, you know. So, you know, I think what happened here is like you didn't okay. What he should have said was like asked for consent to have you become his running coach. Cause you know, he's like, you're his like new sports analyst. You know, you could probably write him a personalized training plan if he asked you to, you know. But I don't know if you signed up for that job. You signed up for a husband, which sometimes I think inadvertently signs you up for some other stuff, but uh you got handed a second job and you weren't getting paid for, girl. You know? And I get it. When people are so excited about stuff, it's hard to be like, babe, like I'm you're in that zone right now, and I'm over here in this zone. And I really I want to be supportive, but like I have that presentation, you know what I mean? And then the presentation, which he knew was on Wednesday, he had, you know, a couple weeks of warning, and on the day that it happened, he had to be reminded, which obviously tells you that he's somewhere else a little bit. And then after he acknowledged that he didn't ask or whatever and asked you, then went into talking about his run. So what a lot of times happens, I think, especially when it comes to running and stuff like that, because you do have to devote a lot of time to it. It became like it, you your hobby turns into like a whole personality. And, you know, you know, he was like not a he was just like loving this new experience and and like learning about this other world. I think that's sometimes kind of the fun of it is that you know, you're out there, maybe you don't realize that like one of the nice things about, you know, I used to run along the Charles River in Boston. And one of the nice things, like there's like a community of runners. Let's say, for example, you're running this loop around the Charles River. Chances are other people are running similar loops. People tend to do their longer runs on Sundays. So, like, you know, you'll wave to somebody that you see twice, or you know, it just there's like a little acknowledgement, like a head nod or something, and it can feel like, you know, you're getting to know this whole new thing. But you kind of sometimes people get self-absorbed around a specific activity. And and sometimes I think we look at something and we we make it become our personality, like we're so self-absorbed that we start to we conflate being absorbed with it for being disciplined about it. So next time, next time he says, How was your day? Say 10 minutes, and like you get the floor for 10 minutes and and and no running comparisons. Okay, and then you make him sit there, whatever, he needs to remember how to listen, you know, without his heart rate monitor on. You know, you're not crazy. I think that you're doing like some you're doing the real work, and don't worry, the half marathon will end. I think your needs will outlast the the half marathon. But you know what I'm saying? Okay. The next one says, Dear Dino. Hi, Rocco, hi Vito. I am a 30-year-old living in Park Slope, and I found you because my friend Steph kept sending me clips and saying, A Carly Aquilino coded gay Italian podcaster, you have to. And so I had to, and so hello. That is the like deepest, most amazing compliment I've ever heard in my entire life. She says, Listen, I know you love Carly. I love Carly too. The girls all love Carly. She is mother, parasocial best friend, we know. And I know that one of the most sacred recurring canons over at Secret Keepers Club is the shit Krappens. Sure is. It's the unsolicited bowel disasters. And I have one. Oh, good. This is our first ever shit Krapens. It's been living in my body for three. Well, living in my body for three years, and in your inbox is the only place I can put it now. Okay. Well, look how lucky we are. So it's a three-month anniversary trip with my then boyfriend. Okay. Cute BB upstate, starting out well, wraparound porch. There was a complimentary cheese plate. I, you know, I've been hyping this trip up for weeks. We got matching pajamas, a candle for the room. It was like a whole vibe. The first night we go to a nice tasting menu restaurant in town. It's the kind of place you order the lamb, and they know what you mean. And we shared a dessert. I don't know what that means. You oh, like, okay. Okay, I don't know. But it said we share our dessert. He pays, we walk back to the B hand in hand. And about halfway through the walk, he gets very, very quiet. And I, and this is where you and I really get to know each other, Dino. I think he's about to propose. Three months, I in, I am panicking, and I'm rehearsing my no in my head. And we get to the room, he drops my hand and he says, Give me one second. And he goes into the bathroom. He doesn't come out for 20 minutes. When he does come out, he's wearing only a towel and his pants are gone. Oh, Jesus. He walks past me without eye contact, goes back into the bathroom, shuts the door. I look over discreetly, and Dino, his pants are in the sink. Well, yeah. Listen, I this is already sounding so familiar. I okay, I'm not gonna get into it, but recently had a friend who had a shit crap ins. And thank God the both of these stories, people were both near a bathroom eventually. But so he comes back in, the pants are in the sink, and 10 minutes later he emerges in fresh sweatpants. He sits on the bed, looks me dead in the eyes with the gravity of a wartime general, and says, and I'm quoting exactly, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. We don't speak about it, and the pants reappear in his suitcase overnight. Presumably he washed them in the sink, and he and he acted normal at breakfast, and the cheese plate continues. Three days later, on the drive home, I finally ask, So are we ever gonna talk about, you know, whatever happened? And he says, eyes on the road, the same energy as commenting on the weather. He said, Oh, that was the lamb. That was the lamb. Not I'm so sorry. A four-letter forensic report we broke up four months later for unrelated reasons, but the lamb was the moment. Tell Carly this one was for her. Ooh, Kate, like, can you even I okay? First of all, I love that you wrote in because you know that I love Carly and that you love Carly too. That means we're one and the same. And like, okay, so the lamb now. So okay, I don't care. It's weird. So three years, three months in, it's like an anniversary already, like your three-month anniversary. And you shit himself on the walk back home. 20 minutes in the bathroom, and he comes out with just a towel on, and his pants are in the sink already, and he just says, like, don't worry about it. And then the pants come back to life. He blamed the lamb. But you know what? The lamb wasn't the lamb's fault, the lamb was dead. And as far as I'm understanding from you, the lamb was delicious. And this lamb was not here to defend itself, okay? He threw that lamb right under the fucking bus. You know? Well, look, I think that we'll this this is, you know, it's a lot of us in life will uh entertain intestinal issues. And men are trained to treat like body failure, stuff like that, bodily failures like a containment problem. Like, no, no worries. It's not an emotional one. They're not gonna like cry, but they're just like, let's just handle it and move on. The mission was like get the pants clean. He cleaned the pants, crisis is resolved, and we're back at that operational level where it's like, whatever, no big deal. There's no humiliation. He's like ready to be intimate, you know? The the that was the lamb, is the is the guy's way of like telling you, like, we're good. But you already knew, your body already knew. Like when you sat in that chair and you heard it was the lamb, you knew that the breakup was in the paperwork. You know what I mean? Today, I feel like I could I could handle a situation like this with Darius because we've been you know dating for a couple years. It's like I just be like babe shit crappens. But you know, it's like a strange thing to have to acknowledge whenever you're three months in. Thank God it wasn't you and that it was him. It sounds like he's fine, you know. I God. And I'm just I'm really happy that you didn't have to hear or smell any of it, too, because that could have been that could have been really bad, you know? Worse. It could have been worse. This this next email says, Dear Dino, and I'm I'm 62 years old. My niece, who's 31, and a really wonderful girl, sent me your show and said, I think you need to hear this person. So I added you to my walking podcast. Now you're in my rotation with fresh air and wait, wait, don't tell me. Not me in the best company ever. Hi to the cats. You we have a cat named Hugo who's 14 and hates everyone but tolerates me, and he sends his regards. Well, hello. The contribution to your prompt is that I have a brother who's 67. He's also wonderful. He's been wonderful my whole life. He drove me to my college dorm when I moved in. He drove me to chemotherapy when I was 51. He drove me to the courthouse when I got divorced at 56. He drives me, and that's what he does. He shows up and he drives me. He has never, not once in my 62 years on earth, said, I love you.

unknown 23:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 23:41

Not on my wedding day, not when our mom died, not when his wife died, not when I came to him in the hospice and held his hand for two hours and he said nothing. He says, See you Sunday, or he says, like, call me when you get home, or he says, How's Hugo? But he doesn't say, I love you. I know that he loves me. I know it the way I know my own age, but I'd like to hear him say it before he and I are gone. Why does he not say it? Why does he hold something so important in his throat for 60 something years? I don't necessarily need you to solve this. I would just like to get an answer if you have one. Well, okay, first I'm honored to be in that rotation with those esteemed podcasts. So Terry Gross is just awesome. And you know, tell your niece I said thank you. She she did it, she did the Lord's work there. So you asked, I okay, what a beautifully asked question with so much grace. Because you didn't ask it with any, you know, anger or, you know, you're not demanding an answer. It's just like a sister who's 62 wanting to hear, I love you, from a person who's been driving her for decades. You know, here so my this might be one thing that might be happening. And look, there could be a million stories for what's happening, but your brother's from like a generation of dudes who taught that you know, you show your love, you don't say it. You know, like I I think I love you back in the day might have been just for like the girl you're dating, or like maybe your parents, but like nothing you would say to like friends or like your siblings or anything like that. And and so I think like love for him, the currency for him when it comes to love is you know, actions, like driving you to chemo and holding your hand at hospice, like that's love. Like like saying I love you might have felt almost redundant to him at that point. So I don't know. But and then, you know, the world changed a little bit. I people start saying, you know, say I love you all the time. Like people that don't even know each other that well, like, you know, love you guys, you know, on your way out. But but then, you know, by then your brother's already like in his 50s and 60s, and you know, the it's that thing that happens that holds you back in your throat, like it it's it's significant now, you know. It's not saying it for the first time at 67 means like having to tell yourself that what you know you haven't said that out loud in 60 something years. And I think some men are afraid of showing love. So they're they do it with the they do with this strange silence, but but he but he is saying it by saying, like, you know, call me when you get home, and or he's been saying it in his your whole life, but only in the like a dialect that he speaks. And and and if you want the words, I think you're totally allowed to ask for them. Like, you know, next Sunday when he drives, you you can say, I love you. I I just need you to know that, or something like that, and give him the silence after. Don't necessarily require him to say it back, but like if you you're quiet after that, gives him a chance to like figure it out. And he may not say it on Sunday or you know, or this week or next week or whatever, but if you like open that door for him, some men are just they need the door. And maybe he walks through it, maybe he doesn't, but you've done your part, and you know, as long as you're loving him out loud, truly, you I think you see, I think the underlying current is it doesn't love doesn't necessarily require the return letter, just a sender, you know, and you've always been the sender, and uh I'm sure that he appreciates it. Tell your cat, what's his name? Hugo that Dino says hi. Okay, I got another one. This is the last one, it's kind of a little a longer one, but this one is let's say, Dino. I want to answer the prompt, but I have to come at it sideways because my answer is for the first time in my life, a happy one. I'm sorry for an advance, but also sorry, not sorry. Well, we love the boss girl who's happy and winning, okay. We we I would prefer it this way, you guys. So it says I'm 39 in Brooklyn. I was a bar three girly from back in the day. And I also followed you during the pandemic. And please say hi to Rocco Darius and Vito. I also used to remember your coffee videos in the morning. We missed those. I was just talking about those the other day. I used to make videos of myself making my lante every morning. It says, I have spent 15 years asking your title question, why are men? Why are men so much less than they could be? I spent my 20s dating a couple different flavors of unavailable. The man who took six weeks to text back, the man who said, I don't really do labels at nine months. Been there. The man who, when I told him my grandmother died, said, Oh, damn, that sucks, and then changed the subject. Okay. I spent my early 30s trying to become the woman these men could finally show up for. So I read the books, I did therapy, I built the boundaries and I did the work, and I still kept ending up with guys who do the bare minimum and expect a parade. That's my that's my dad. In my mid-30s, I stopped dating for three years, and I cannot stress how necessary that was. Therapy weekly, your classes weekly. I took myself on dates. I learned I was a complete person on my own. And it's a sentence I'd heard a hundred times and never believed it became true until it became true in my body. Then last September, I finally met a man. He's 41. He's normal. He's brace yourself because it sounds like fiction. A man who answers questions when you ask them. Keep them. On our third day, I asked casually, Do you see this going anywhere? That question that in 15 years had never once yielded an answer. And the answer was always, let's see where this goes, or that's a lot of pressure. He paused, drank his water, looked at me and said, Yes, I really like you. I think this could be something I want to keep going. And Dino, I almost fell off my chair. He answered the question clearly with warmth. He wasn't hedging in three sentences. Like six months later, he still does this. Follows up on things I told him last week, notices when I'm quiet. He remembered my mom's birthday and sent her a card without me telling him to do it. And here's what I want to say for your episode: the men who answer questions, who remember the birthday, who see you when you're quiet, they actually do exist. They're really not a myth, not a conspiracy, but they tend to show up later after they've done their own work. And the women they show up for tend to be women who've stopped tolerating less. Say it loud. When I rebuilt myself in those years, the men I used to attract couldn't have shown up for the woman I became. The guy I'm with now found me because I'd finally become a woman who would accept only being treated well, which sounds easy, but it's a skill you learn in your body after being trained otherwise. So when you ask, why are men? and you sigh that beautiful sigh, here's the answer that rarely gets airtime. Some are bad, some are average, some are bare minimum. And some of them, when they finally show up, are actually spectacular. They answer the question on the third date. They sit with you while you cry about something they didn't cause, and they say, Do you want me to fix this or do you want me to listen? They really do exist, and I'm with one. At 39, and in my first adult relationship, and I want every woman listening in her car or at the gym right now to know they exist. They're a little bit slower. They're sometimes hard to find, but they exist. And I know this episode is a sigh, and I came in with hope, and I'm sorry. But your class has saw me through the years when I thought hope, the years when hope was something I couldn't find, and it feels right to send that hope back. This is so sweet. I'll be at Salt Drop next Saturday. I can't wait to be the one. I'm the one that works by the door so that I can duck out when I need to. Okay, so thank you for ending this. Like, this is a great episode or great email to really end this two-part series on. Cause it's you know, I every email, I don't know, because listen, every email that comes in is c is coming in with that sort of that sort of energy, that sort of sigh. And we're going out with a chair you almost fell off of because this dude answered a question, which is I think a beautiful arc to end on. I every email was all about like dudes falling short a little bit. Remember the Patty Smith t-shirt from the last episode and the guy with the cargo shorts with eight pockets? You know, look, we got to laugh and sigh, and I had I got a chance to like diagnose these dudes, and I can think that that that's the bread and butter of the show. But what you wrote, I think, is just the it's important because the wire men thing has no hope in it, and we're just confirming a story that we already know. The radical thing, I think, is to hold space for the other thing, which is that some dudes have done the work and they can be really extraordinary partners. And what you left everybody with was the idea that these dudes can be findable. You know, you didn't date for a couple years, which I think I did the same thing. I didn't date for a long time. And therapy and you know, working out, you get to dismantle this, like that it's just like a muscle that gets hardened. You know, that it tolerates the bare minimum, and that's what made it possible to like see that this dude was right whenever he showed up. You weren't, I think you weren't lucky, maybe you were ready. And being ready isn't one of those things that like time will just create, right? I think you had you got to build yourself up to a place where you were ready, and that that's amazing. And so, you know, whatever. To everybody listening, if you're in this dating pit, because I get it, I see the look in people's faces when they're like, I re-downloaded Hinge, I'm gonna give Raya a try again. It's like, you know, the good thing is like men, though those men do exist, and they and for all intents and purposes, they could be going through a similar situation that you're going through where they're like fed up with uh the dating scene and you know, uh taking this thing that happens in big cities where it's there always something better around the corner. And uh and you know, but some good ones do exist, right? And the woman they're looking for is the one who stopped tolerating bullshit. And so, you know, she might be looking for you, he might be looking for you, they might be looking for you. The work I think is real, it's worth it. And I'm proud of you. So, look, at the end of the day, I'm glad that he answered the question for you. Tell him I said what's up, give him like a fist bump for me. And what a great way to end why our men part one and part two are in the books. Listen, team, that's it for this episode. As always, if you guys had a good time listening, please go and follow I Hear You Babe on either Spotify or Apple Podcasts, wherever you listen to them, so that as you subscribe, they'll be coming into your feed. And yeah, share this episode with a friend. Go back and listen to other episodes that you might feel that one of your friends might like to listen to as well. I some of the earlier episodes give me a little bit of uh the ick, but you know, we've I think we've gotten into a groove here, and I'm really, really, really grateful for all your stories, grateful for the time that you spend writing these emails. The show wouldn't exist without you guys. So thank you for trusting me with all this stuff. And I cannot wait to talk to you guys next week. Bye.