48: Things That Should Be Illegal: NYC Summer Edition

okay so i lost my shoe to the rain on the way to the train and had to crawl back for it in front of god and everyone. that's just the open. that's not even the episode.

it's summer, it's a sweaty 95, the girlies are out here with our coochies out, and you sent me everything that should be illegal about a nyc summer. the backpack man who clears a whole train car with one turn. the rooftop dj with a fog machine and FOUR songs who thinks he's headlining coachella. the garbage soup with steam coming off it. a 9-hour "beach day" that was 7 hours of the A train and one sunburn stripe (we'd do it again, obviously). the mystery drip from the AC unit that lands on your tongue and ends your whole life. the girl reclining on the subway pole like it's lumbar support (you absolute villain).

also a real one — a night-shift nurse sad about a summer thing she "wasn't supposed" to catch feelings for. and me, derailing for ten minutes about my $50 amazon fan (changed my life, not sponsored, will die on this hill) and how my 8-month-old maine coon is going to be my 401k.

it's a hang. group therapy with no AC. all girlies, every walk of nyc life, same suffering.

full-time feeler, part-time hater. send your crimes to ihearyoubabepod@gmail.com 🍋

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello, everyone, and welcome to I Hear You Babe. My name is Dino Malvone. I'm your host. We got a great episode for you today, as usual. A bunch of emails that you all sent into IHearYouBabepod at gmail.com. And you guys, I'll tell you what, it is officially summer, which is exactly why today's prompt was so feeling so relevant. It's a, I mean, it's and to well, also listen, I'm gonna say it up front. Today's prompt is things that should be illegal. New York City summer edition. And girl, there should be a lot of things on this list. And don't worry, the emails came through. But honestly, it's aggressively summer here. The you know, it's been in like the 90s for the past couple days. Yesterday it rained like crazy. It was like everybody had five seconds to figure out what to do. I mean, I was also in flippies. No, what do you call these slides? I was in my slides, and you know, me and the girlies are out here in our tank tops and our slides and our flip-flops and our spray tans and our coochies are out. And I didn't know it was supposed to rain yesterday, so I left the studio. You know, it was evening because here at the studio at Salt Drop, we're hosting a sample sale this week, or we had we did host a sample sale this week, which is which was so fun. It's just we're you know, the studio has so much potential, and especially whenever the studio is not, you know, you know, being a fitness studio, it's just it's so pretty. It just great energy, whatever. Anyway, left there later, and then by the time I walked outside, it was like coming down. So sorry, why do I always get the hiccups? Let me break up in the Celsius real quick. The cherry cola Celsius. I would bathe in it. Where was I going? Oh, so leave here raining like crazy. I'm wearing slides and I'm on my way to the train station, and like well, it was like my foot got suctioned to the sidewalk by way of the rain and this, and my foot came out of it, and like I had to like, why is it so embarrassing? But like it's so humiliating. I had to go, I had to like crawl back two steps to go get put my foot back in my shoe, and you know everybody was like, the way the way that everybody looked at my feet and judged me from that point forward. Like, I went downstairs and I sweat for the next 10 minutes just because I was like so insecure about it. So, you know, what are you gonna do? But it's like at the whole time, the same is it it honestly, if you when I was walking around, it felt like the whole city decided at the same moment to wear as little as legally possible. Like the second that the weather is a little bit warmer, some bro is like wearing his Adidas like shower slides and basketball shorts. You know what I mean? I mean, I nobody's mad about that, but no, I'm just kidding. But you know, respect, you know, titties out, coochie's out, slay queen. Be free. It's you know, Deller, you know, look, I paid too much rent to own a closed toe shoe in July. I can't suffer like that. Listen, and I'm sitting here right now recording the podcast with my top off. Not my top off. And I have my little personal fan that I bought because it's the best $50 I ever spent in my whole gosh darn life. Girl. The train temperature is always off for me. And now hear me out, because to me, it feels like I don't know. It's a science, right? So, like, think about it. It's 95 degrees outside. You know, you're sweating, right? Because it's like 95 degrees here in New York. It's like a steamy 95 degrees, you know, it's like where you look down the the street and you can see like the what do you those little horizon smoke lines? I don't know. It's like the Mirage, not the Mirage, but I got this $50 personal fan, you guys, from Amazon. Should I post it? It's the best gosh darn $50 I've ever spent. You know what? Did I second guess it? Yes, because there's also like $13 versions of this shit on Amazon. You know, there's ones that like fold down. This one's like industrial, okay? When you turn this thing on, it's first of all, it's changed my life. But when you turn it on, there's a switch in the back to turn it off or on. That way it doesn't like just automatically turn on in your bag. Boom. Sold. Number two, there's a dial wheel on the front of it, and you can go from zero. No, yeah, no, you go from one all the way up to a hundred. Now, one hundred feels like you're using a Dyson hairdryer, and it kind of almost looks like that too.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

I don't know the name of it.

SPEAKER_01 5:33

Let me try it.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

Oh hold on, girls. It's called J-I-S-U-Life.

SPEAKER_01 5:44

Not hashtag not sponsored. Look, I don't know. If you have an extra 50 bucks laying around, I should just post it on my Instagram because this thing honestly changed my life. And that's and if you hear anything in the background, that's what that is. Okay, but also I might die if I don't have that on. So anyway, the getting back to my story because I got sidetracked because I got excited about the fan. Every time you go down in the train station, right, let's say if it's 95 degrees outside, and it's like a sweaty 95 degrees, and you're like, God damn, I just want to get down into the train station or whatever. And when you go down there, it ends up being 110 degrees. And for whatever reason, when you get onto the train, their heat is on, the heat is on.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

It's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 6:38

The I okay, and it usually just happens like around like the change of seasons or whatever, but like you know, then the also the opposite happens. Like the other night when I was walking home and I lost my sandal or my my slide whenever I was walking to the train. You get into the train, like it's you just got rained on, right? So it's like, you know, you feel kind of like okay, I can handle the heat because the rain cooled me off or whatever. And then, you know, you get on the train and it's 26 degrees in there. Like, it's the one day that I forgot my puffer. You know, I don't know. It's like I just feel like they got it backwards, you know? I'm convinced somebody's doing it on purpose all the time. And I'm like, where's the train director? Can you just turn the air conditioning on? Like, do we just because you're up there with your windows open? Can you imagine having the windows open while you were driving the subway? Do people live down there? I want to do some research on that because that kind of scares me sometimes. Well, obviously, whenever you're on the train and you're underground, you know, you see it's not the artwork that they have like coming across the Q train or whatever the B train is on from Decal into Manhattan. Those of you who are not from here are like can you shut up? But there is graffiti all over the place down there, so it could never be me. You're not gonna catch me going down a sewer hole. That is for gosh Tom, sure. Did you guys hear that story? There's been like a few reported incidents of like dudes getting out of like manholes or going into manholes. Isn't that crazy?

SPEAKER_00 8:39

What are they doing down there?

SPEAKER_01 8:42

One time I saw them, they were wearing like regular clothes. The next time it was like hazmat suits. I don't know. So whatever. Anyway, back to the train. The other thing about the train is like, okay, on the day that it's 105 degrees, well, let me put it this way nothing is worse than rush hour, or there's like a window of rush hour, right? Or let's say a fucking basketball game got out. Go next. The worst thing to ever do is to be on a train. I think personally the L train might be the most packed from Manhattan into Brooklyn. Like once you get to Grand, which is the first stop in Brooklyn, a lot of people get off, right? But man, from 14th Street all the way to in in Lower Manhattan all the way to Brooklyn, it's awful. You know, packed. It's hot. The somebody's backpack is like they forgot that it actually takes up the space of another human being behind them. And then, like, some dude over there is like for sure eating Popeyes. And then the dude next to me thinks that he's like too cool to hold on to anything. So the second that the train does anything awkward, he steps on my toe, which by the way, I'm wearing slides. Listen, just lay me down on the platform. I'll wait for the next one. I don't care. I'll wait for an hour. I got my personal fan. Still better than like being in a pack train. Sometimes I've had to get off. I really have had to get off. And honestly, with how miserable the trains are, to be honest, I mean I understand why people have been subway surfing. Uh no, no, I'm I'm honestly, I'm kidding. Because honestly, I don't do that. Do not don't go even out the door from one train to the other. Just wait. The door will open once you get to the next platform. You go from one train to the other, everyone's gonna be all right. But you folks that go back and forth through the train doors, where are you going? Also, don't subway surf because I don't know if you guys heard about this shit, but I think I saw it recently that like a kid died, or it was like two kids. I don't know if what it was, but I can't remember exactly. But they died subway surfing in Brooklyn, and I'm pretty sure what happened was he like I don't know, something happened, the train stopped, whatever. He fell from like the platform, and it was like an elevated platform above a busy street or whatever. And it's awful. That's like a baby, that's like somebody's like whole, you know, fucking kids. Don't do that. Begging you, don't just sit your ass down. You know? It's not worth it. But anywho, okay, this is just an observation, and I'm just gonna say it, but you don't hear about girls subway serving. Have you noticed that? It's never like a girl who's out there like, I can do it. The girls are like, listen, I'm just gonna be right here. I have my snack, my fian, and I'm handling my business like a queen. No, I mean she's like, we're not climbing on top of a moving train, you know? So I get it. Anyway, whatever, take that as you will. I mean, I just I just don't I can't remember the last time I heard like a story about a girl subway surfing, but listen, don't DM me, okay? But speaking of Instagram, I I'm gonna you guys, I'm not kidding, okay? I need you to follow me for this one, and then we're gonna get into these freaking emails because I've already been yapping. It's the Celsius, man, right to your heart. So the fact of the matter is I'm gonna be a millionaire. And I'm not just saying that because I feel like I'm gonna be manifesting this idea. No, girl. So picture it, okay? Well, you guys know about Vito. It's my he's Darius and I adopted him. He's our eight-month-old main coon. That sounds so funny. Our eight-month-old. But but the other night I get home from work and Darius is there, and uh, you know, I was like sitting there, I you know, probably watching like either an episode of Will and Grace or I don't know. No, I think it was just like we were listening to like we listened to frequencies, different frequencies on healing frequencies on YouTube. Listen, don't shh, I didn't say that. Anyway, Darius goes to shower, he's done, and we're like talking through the door, and I look over, and Vito, okay, he's eight months, he's like, I mean, he's a baby. He's a big baby, but he's a baby. And by the way, also a cat. So he hops onto the back of the desk chair, which is like just been destroyed. It's a it's a fabric chair that I got from like girl, I don't even remember. Not Pier one. What's the other one? West Elm. Got it from West Elm so many years ago, and like the cats have it's you can see the frame. It's like the couch. You can see the frame of the couch, you can see the frame of this chair. It's not even worth getting it reupholstered. Like I'm putting that on the street. Somebody can have it for free. But anyway, so like you this this fabric chair has these like wooden arms on the side, you know, like armrests or whatever. And like between the cushioned pillow of the seat and the armrest, we kind of put like haphazardly, but like it's taped on there now because he keeps pulling it down. But it's one of those long, long, skinny, I don't know, pipe things that has a feather at the end of it, a string with a feather at the end of it. And we tied it there because like this cat will entertain himself for literal hours. He doesn't even need a friend. He honestly, you can watch him, he just starts like hitting the feather around or whatever. Like he just and but he'll roll over and he'll but on this time he goes onto the back of the chair, and I'm not kidding. Okay, he starts wapping, like he laid down and was able to like rest a paw on top of the long piece of metal that like holds the string with the feather, and he's tapping this thing up and down, and it's tapping the feather around for Rocco. That's my orange cat. And like he's working the wand, dangling it, and then he like sits there with it, and he's like, hold it down, then he like lets it go and it bounces, and then the other cat's like actually going for it. It was like he was like, Come on, Rocco, let's go get come get it, baby. Well, I think that's what his voice sounds like because he's eight months old, but like he was playing with Rocco for Rocco, like he was like a little tiny height man, and I was like, Darius, can you see this? That's crazy. Girl, he did it again like two nights later. I have both videos. Can you imagine? That's crazy. I hate to say that again, but it's just insane. The cat is gifted, it's going viral. I don't care what anybody says. That's my 401k. This cat is my 401k. I've decided it's happening. We might as well just start the paperwork. Because we're signing checks. Okay. What else do I want to tell you? Is there anything else? Nah. Let's get in these emails, Dino. Quit yapping. These are your most illegal New York City summer crimes. Let me bring my fan a little closer to my face, and here we go. Okay. The backpack on the train. Sometimes I don't read you guys the subject lines because you guys, a lot of times you put too much info in the subject line and gives the whole thing away. But this is the backpack on the train. I already know where we're going. It's one of mine. I think I already mentioned it. Okay, so this one says the man on a packed train who keeps his backpack on his back, turns around, and takes out the entire car. I've eaten a jan. I've eaten a Jan Sport front of body or floor, sir. Like these are the options. That's illegal. That's my whole email. I agree. If you get on the train with your fucking backpack on, you gotta take it off. We all know this guy. The backpack man doesn't know his own width. This also could be backpack girl. When you're wearing a backpack, it takes up like a whole other human body amount of space behind you, you know? And it's like at that point, you're not even a person. You're like a full-on vehicle reversing into people with no beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. I don't mean I just like I can see it happening. This is like a full on, like it's a fast turn too. And it's like, and then you go, ugh, and you might get sorry, but probably not. And you know, it's always that person who's like turning around to like either I want to say they're new, and they're like turning around to check a map or something. But like I've seen people like clear an entire row, and it seems like they live in New York City. So I don't know. You gotta like pull it, you change it to like the front of your body. You know how people like put the backpack on the front, so you like wear it like you're wearing a baby on your on your front. Am I saying that right? On your belly, or put the bag down, like bring your like feet closer together and just set the bag down on your feet and hold that little like latch on the top. Because whatever, it doesn't matter. So, okay, this next one says do I have to do the rooftop? Hi, Dino. I found you through a viral TikTok. No, and now you're in my ears every morning. Hi to Rocco, hi to Vito. Oh, hello back. They were playing so cute last night. We were watching True Crime. Duh. Last night I watched some crazy shit, you guys. I'll tell you about it later. But okay, so genuine question, not even a rant. It's summer, and my friend group is obsessed with rooftops. Every weekend, a different rooftop. $18 drinks, it's full sun, no shade, no AC, and we're just cooking on a roof for fun. And I fucking hate it. I'm not, I'm not against that either. I I you know, listen, I think some folks will disagree. I think a sunset roof deck is great, but full sun on the roof for me is a no bueno. But I also listen, my doctor told me that my body responds well to stimulus, so maybe that's you too. I just I sweat, like even if I look outside and it's warm. Like it's it's fully true. Anyway, so she so it says, I hate it, I'm miserable, I'm sweating through a cute outfit, pretending to have the time in my life. But if I say no, I'm like all of a sudden no fun, and I miss everything. Am I allowed to just not do the rooftop? Is that a thing I can be? Well, yeah, girl, you can do whatever you want. A person who declines the rooftop, please advise. I trust you more than my actual friends, lol.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

Well, this one actually, I mean I think this one wants your take. So let's give it to her, Dino.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

The first of all, $18 to sweat is like and like pretending to have a good time for me is a no. And then you're you can actually be the girl who skips the rooftop because you don't have to attend every event to be in the group. You can say, you know, like I'm not I sweat too much, like my my armpits or whatever, or like I get that glistening above my upper lip, or I whatever it is, you know. Just text me whenever you guys are text me whenever you guys are done with that, and I'll meet up with you. I'll show you know, show up for like the part that you like. You know, no fun is I think that thing that people say to you whenever they don't want to lose you. Not it's like not. A real verdict. It's like you know the you everyone loves to to this thing that you hate secretly is okay. And you know, maybe you join them for the rooftop, tell them you want to go to like I can't remember what it is, like the Stanton Hotel or some shit. Any like a rooftop pool or something, you know, or if you're gonna go to the rooftop, you know, it's gotta be like I don't know, there's gotta be, are we sitting in the shade? Or I I don't know. Something like that. Because a rooftop can be cool, but okay. This next one says the rooftop DJ Who thinks he's headlining. Uh-oh. Not them on their iPad. Dino, hi, I found you through a pandemic IG Live. So thank you so much. Did your living room workouts in 2021 and my downstairs neighbor filed a noise complaint about my jump squat. Stop it. Girl, I lived above a girl who used to who one time peed her pants outside of her door, and she lost her key so many times. No, I'm not kidding. She peed her pants and like she was laying outside. And then obviously someone brought her in because her door was open. But another time she's gone now, by the way. But another time she lost her key so many times that the the landlord put a key pad. It had like numbers above the doorknob. Because he was like, I'm I'm done with you. But okay, so okay, it goes on. So I my neighbor filed noise complain about my jump squat. So I have history with the crime I'm about to report. Hi to Rocco, hi to Vito. She says, a main coon, question mark, question mark. We need picks immediately. Don't worry, girl. This video of him, I should just put it up on this part. I'm gonna put it up. I've been waiting for Darius to like edit the video down a little bit because it's like a little too long. But okay, so it says every Saturday, May to September, a man on the roof behind mine sets up a full DJ equipment with subwolfers and a fog machine. How's that work? What are you supposed to do with the fog machine outside? So it's a key so a fog machine on a tar roof in Brooklyn and plays the same deep sets until 2 p.m., till the cops never come because a fog machine is not an NYPD priority. No, girl, they're like working with other things. As you can imagine, they're probably not that interested in whether or not that mist is a part of your landscape. You know what I mean? They're like, enjoy the view, girl. We got this, you know, murder case that we're I don't know what they do. But and she says it's not even that good. If it were good, I would I would lie on my floor and pretend I'm somewhere in Ibiza. It's the same four songs. He has a fog machine and four songs, and he thinks he's headlining Coachella. We're not dancing, sir. We're 34 and wanted one Saturday nap, and now I know his whole four song set. I know when the drop is coming. I hate that I know. Please tell Vito a sweaty Bushwick girl is obsessed with him already. Listen, thank you for staying loyal to the jump squat. I there's a there's a listen, the so above the studio and below the studio, this is not me putting out putt everybody on blast. I don't care. But above and below me are people who are living in places that are, I think, I'm 95% sure, are deemed commercial, not residential. So like I play my I'm um listen, that music is so loud that the people two floors above us can hear it. And I just I want the bass to be so loud that it it I want them to feel the bass in their loins. Does that make sense? I want it to vibrate their innards. Okay, so okay. The fog machine's a little crazy, I will say that it's giving corny. Okay, like the tar roof with the is anybody up there? Or is he just up there like I I don't know. I can see it either way. But like honestly, the real turn off is if it's not even really that good, then what is he even doing up there? You know what I mean? Like maybe you need to put up a sign or something, or you know, if it's slapped, like if that shit had you sat, I just learned that, you know, you'd be able to like either disassociate from it or you know, but or you know, have a background noise or or imagine yourself and it'd be but you're getting co you're getting festival vibes. How about this? You're getting festival volume with a four-song cycle. That's the worst. And then the fact that you know when the drop is coming, girl, not you counting from 32 in your sleep. No, you you I I know what that's like because I I I listen to songs a lot. So that's like you need to become trauma bonded with it. I hate when you memorize songs against your will. It's the fucking worst. Okay. Next one says hot garbage soup. Okay. The email says the smell. The corner where the bags bake since the corner where the bags bake since 6 a.m. And by noon, it's a soup with steam coming. Oh, trash bags. And if you have to walk through the steam, half a block of held breath, it should be a registered weapon. 100%. It gets so bad in the summertime when it's so so so so so hot. You should see in front of the studio. I don't know, for whatever reason, this block makes a lot of garbage. You know, and when the soup, the soupy garbage has steam, that's doesn't matter how much rent you pay. Every single person that lives here in August is holding their breath whenever they're walking by. It's like, and then there's other people in there diving for pearls too. Who knows? You know, if you've got like an aluminum can, somebody's probably gonna take it. You know, sometimes I think it's the city's perfume, but anywho, girls, what are we even talking about? The next one says, My Summer Fling ghosted me in a heat wave. Hi, babe. Well, hello. Night shift nurse here. Scary. I listen on my commute home at 7 a.m. whenever the city's still kind of soft and quiet. It's my little decompress. Hi to the boys. Well, hello, back. I'm up at that time too, girl. Um, when I'm traveling in the morning, I honestly prefer it. I don't want to be up that early, but it's such a nice commute, you know? Everything's like easier. The trains might be a little less frequent. Oh, here's the hiccups again. Anyway, she goes, this one's real. I had a summer fling, six weeks, so good. Beach days. Wait, not summer fling. No, I had a summer thing, six weeks, so good. Beach days, the whole movie. And then last week, mid-heat wave, he just evaporated. Oh no, like the Mirage. Left on red, totally gone. Not left on red. Hate to see it.

unknown 30:35

God.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

And the worst part is I know it was a summer thing. I I knew going in, I'm not delusional, but it still stung more than I expected. And now I feel stupid for being sad about something I told myself wasn't serious. Don't feel that way. We already know when someone leaves you on red what that means about that person. Mm-hmm. I think we know. You know? So how do you let yourself be sad about a thing you weren't supposed to catch feelings for? Asking for me on four hours of sleep in this heat. Aww. Listen, that 7 a.m. commute again, wild, because I'm starting my day, you're finishing your day. So that's beautiful. So, you know, I mean, here's what I'll say. In all seriousness, I don't feelings don't check like the small print, you know? They're not looking for the terms and conditions on that guy. So you can know it's a summer fling and still be sad when it's done, you know? Because I don't think those two things are like a contradiction, right? Like I'm sad when summer's over, too. You know, I know it's coming, but sad, I don't think being sad about it makes you delusional. I think it makes you a person who's actually, you know, as they say, be in the present moment. Sounds like you were in the present moment for about six weeks. So, and that the the stupid feeling is just embarrassment, like trying to maybe protect you. Or maybe you just give yourself a minute to grieve that small thing without filing like a police report about it, or you know, about whether you were allowed to. It's it was real while it was real, it's that and that matters, and so you know, it's like because that experience obviously was a summer fling is so cute, and uh it leaves you with that effervescent feeling that keeps you awake at night, you know, like when you're on the phone with that person all night, or you know, and then and then and when those big uh really intense feelings kind of are you know, when you have to grieve those feelings, I feel like, especially on four hours of sleep, you should just put on I don't know, what what movie makes you happy? You know, something like that, something that would like you know lift your spirits. Because I I I think like you know, we tend to God, don't get don't catch me on four hours of sleep. Nope. What is that whenever they they 411 you or what was that 1099 you when they send you to the crazy house? 10.4. You guys, I know it's none of those, but I know it's something like that. So anyway, you're doing great, girl. The next one says the mystery drip. Oof god, they have okay, let me just shut up. The drip. No, I'm gonna tell you when you're at the train station in New York City or maybe in other cities too, and then you look down on the pavement and there are big chunks of like black tar that look like they've fallen from the sky. What's happening? To me, my theory is that the sidewalk is melting. Someone let me know. This says the drip from the AC units overhead. You're walking. Oh, I know this. You're why, yeah, you're walking, you're fine, and then one drop on your neck, and you'll never know what that was. Is it water? You can't know. You just have to live now with the drop. It's the not knowing for me. I imagine whenever I get dripped on, here's what my brain does. If I get dripped on from a rooftop, let's say, for example, I was like walking past the building the other day, and I was like trying to duck closer to the windows because you would think you get like less rain down there. My theory is that once you walk closer to the building, what you're actually getting is the raindrop that landed on the roof that then worked its way down, collecting bird shit and dust, dirt, pollution, whatever, and carried it right onto. I don't know if it's ever happened to you, but I've I've had those drops like land like on my lip. You know what I mean? Where it's like, okay, you know, if I went my whole life without getting an STI, and now I have got like I now I'm gonna develop something from this fucking rooftop drip that just landed on my tongue. And what do you do? You've been you've been anointed and baptized by who knows where that raindrop has been, you know?

SPEAKER_00 35:55

A third floor window.

SPEAKER_01 35:59

And you think to yourself, it was just water. It's fine. It dries on your shirt, you're like, it wasn't even dirty, it's like fine. But yeah, girl, you know what? Just say to yourself, it was just water, it was just water, it was just water. I think you'll like either convince yourself that it was just water, or you get less and less convinced it was water every time.

SPEAKER_00 36:17

And girl, it wasn't water. The next one says the beach day that took nine hours.

SPEAKER_01 36:31

Getting ready. This one says, Dino, settle in. This is a saga, and you asked for it. Girl, bring it. I ain't scared. I'm not scared of you guys. I will, however, be afraid for you guys. I'm always gonna take the names out. You guys leave a lot of names in the emails, which I think is hilarious. Because listenership is like not, you know, we haven't like we're not uh we haven't hit that rocket ship or anything. So, but so the people who listen, I'm like, girl, is your girl listening? What's happening? If you're talking about your boy, he's for sure probably not listening. That's just how it goes around here. Women are my women are mine. So it says hi for salt drop regular, Wednesday, 7 30 a.m. I'm the one on the back left who audibly suffers. Listen, you're not the only one. You know me even though you know me even if you don't know my name. No, I know your name. I'm sure I do. I I don't know who you are in this email, but I listen, I copy and paste them onto a doll like my notes so that I don't have any information about who wrote it. But it says hi to Rocco, Vito, and Darius and the new lemons that are in the studio. Aw, you noticed you put a little crystal bowl out there with some fresh lemons. I really want the studio to be like to feel like it smells like lemons and espresso before you work out. So the my crime is the New York City Beach Day because girl, it's not a beach day, it's an expedition. It really is. Rockaway from here is really far. One of my friends right now is like staying there. One of my other friends lives there, and like their commute at late at night is just extraordinary. I don't know how they do it. So it says three three friends decided on Rockaway. We wanted sand, we were owed sand, we paid these rents. It's 88 degrees at 9 a.m. And we begin. I know that's right. The A-train to Rockaway on a July Saturday is a moving sauna packed with everyone who had the same innocent dream. Yeah, of course. You're like, if we just get there early, we'll be the first people there. Nope. Girl, someone stayed there from last night. Someone got there at 5 a.m. I used to have a friend that would go there early. She would like claim her spot, and she would like dig out in the sand, like build herself like a couch almost. Like it was like she built like a little mountain with like a backdrop on it so that like she could rest up against it and she would sit there all fucking day. I know, right? Crazy. That's crazy. The A-trainer Rockaway, same innocent dream, standing holding a cooler, somebody's boogie board at my spine. 70 minutes. It's a hostage situation with worse lighting. Oh God. That went dark. We get there, it's beautiful for nine for nine for nine minutes. Then the sand is the temperature of the actual sun. You do the owl owl owl hop run carrying a cooler and a tote and an umbrella that will not open to a patch of beach the size of a placemat. One man's radio is playing, another man's radio is playing something else. There's also a third radio. So you can imagine it's a war of radios. I think that's the fun of it. And then they come around with their, what do they call those? The nutcrackers. Nutcracker, nutcracker. They're basically just like the it's grain alcohol with sugar. But she'll get fucked up. And so we get there, but okay. The water's freezing, the Atlantic in denial. There's a guy in it fully clothed, a child that's screaming, and someone brushing my legs, and something brushing my legs, and I decided not to investigate. Two hours I'm burned in one stripe because the spray sunscreen lied to me. We packed up. Sunscreen is. I know I do it, but that's the fear. Listen, I'm I love a tan. First day, I'm like, listen, just let me, just let me get in there and get my first coat. You know? Sunscreen lied to me. We packed up, we hopped the hot we hopped the hot sand in reverse, wait 40 minutes for a train on the platform with no shade, holding a warm cooler of garbage water and one surviving seltzer. Well, let's hope it's a let's hope that seltzer is still cold, because it'll help on that 40, 75 minute ride back.

unknown 41:28

Oh god.

SPEAKER_01 41:29

It's just so long. You gotta get to the S train, to the A train, then to whatever uh whatever fucking train you're going to. And at the end of the day, you're just like the sun, you know? Unless you're with a bunch of friends and you might be like a little bit silly. I've had some really fun, silly rides back. It says home at 6 p.m., nine hour beach day in quotes, two hours of actual beach, one stripe on my back, $60 later, and the worst part, Dino, I'll do it all again next week because I fucking love it. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with all of us? I need help. So, oh no, I'm gonna sneeze. Hold on. Okay, girl, I'm back. That was crazy. I um my allergies lately, and I don't know what happens to me at the end of the evening, but my I tend to get I feel this way, like, ugh anyway. Oh, okay. So then listen This is what I would say because you know, you look, it sounds like you went to war, but like the thing about the thing about this is like you gotta get if you if you want to do that, I really think the best idea is to like get up at like 7 a.m. and just like fucking go. Because then you get to beat you beat like the major saga of the the heated sauna ride, and which again feels like a total hosta situation with like worse lighting. I'm stealing that. And you know, some dude has his boogie board and you're up your ass. There's you know that the the running across the sand, even if you're wearing like flippies or whatever, it's we usually wear it wear to the like rainbows or something, wear to the beach or and like you still, even though it might not be as bad, you gotta wear your shoes across, you gotta wear your shoes across because that it's literally just been baking. But also the summer of the War of Radios, I I I kind of love that shit because I'm I'm playing that game too. I brought my I brought my little bose speaker, so you know, it's gonna be the same, it's gonna be the same roundup of songs too. You know, we're gonna go like we're gonna start with like a Whitney and then a Madonna and then a Britney, and then we're gonna go to like Mariah, and then we're gonna hit Ariana, and then we're gonna, you know, it's the beach Janet. Someone's gonna be like play sublime. Yeah, I don't know. Listen, half these people you've never even heard of because you were born in the year 2006. So suntan lotion, you gotta get someone to help you with that. You know? And also, we all do it. Some people take that commute is even longer for them because they have to come from even farther away.

unknown 44:27

And

SPEAKER_01 44:28

Everybody goes there and they put their feet in the water and they're like, Nope, no, thank you. One time we went there, we went to Rockaway, and there was like something going on in the ocean or whatever, and people were getting like little bites all over their legs. It could never have been me. I that was the one day that I decided not to go, and I was so happy. But you know, we gotta go. You gotta go to the beach at least once once a summer. Last year I didn't go at all. And it sounds like the the best part about this whole thing is it's like a it's like a New York problem. You know, because we need to go, which means we need to be on the train for like 96 minutes in both directions. And girl, listen, you what I know you need is this $50 Amazon fan. Okay, so and that will make the commute a little bit better. That heated sauna situation, woof. Anywho, girls, let's next one says the shirtless man. He's just out shirtless, not at the beach, not at the pool, just buying an iced coffee on Bedford Street. Shirt tucked into the waistband like it's a tail. It's 11 a.m. Who is he? Why is it illegal? But I respect the confidence and I still fucking hate it. Yeah, that shirt tucked into the tail thing is like so, bro. It's so bro. The uh I you know the conflict for me is that like people like that end up feeling looking and acting so freaking confident, and like you said, it really should be illegal. But he's he moves like a man who's like never been told no. So some sick part of me respects it because it's like they don't give a fuck, but like it's begrudging respect, you know what I mean? I still I still hate it. So put the shirt on for the coffee line, king. You know, I don't think I'm asking for too much, bro. Okay, I think that's it.

SPEAKER_00 46:39

I got let me just check one more time.

SPEAKER_01 46:46

Uh but uh hold on. I think I I might have gotten one last minute, so just let me give me a second to just uh blue chunk.

SPEAKER_00 46:59

Okay. Yeah, I did. Okay, this is that okay, one more.

SPEAKER_01 47:06

This says the full back poll lean. The girl who leans her entire back against the subway pole so nobody else can hold it. It's for one back, the whole pole. Hate it. Hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it. Train full of people, one bump from death. That pole is for eight hands, girl. You're an absolute villain. Listen, the last time I was on the train and I was waiting for I was trying to reach the pole, there was a lady in front of me, and Darius can he can co-sign this one. She was, I think, fully on heroin because she was bent over at the waist and like no one could actually even reach the pole. But yeah, except for her, she wasn't an absolute villain, she was just fucked up. But but yeah, no, I think it's pure selfishness. I fucking hate it. I paid the same $3 that you did, or whatever, however much it is to get on that train. And girls for eight hands, you turn it into a personal like lumbar support. Sheez. Now the car's all doing like fucking subway surfing. You know, our knees are bent a little. We're trying to take on the load in the front foot and the back foot, praying to God they don't break too fast. And like she's reclining against that pole and on her phone playing some fucking game. Hold the pole like a gosh darn citizen. Anyway, I think that's uh y'all are funny. That's the inbox. Thank you to everybody who wrote who sent in a New York City summer crime. You know, at the end of the day, we're all different people living different lives, but the same suffering. And I feel like you all came with your arguments ten toes down. You girls, you understood the assignment. So anyway, we're gonna, it's a recurring theme here. We're gonna be doing, you know, things that should be illegal, other editions. So keep the key keep the crimes coming. And the emails are all sent to I Hear You Babe Pod. Don't forget the pod at gmail.com. If you love this one, text it to most the most New York girl that you know. Or somebody who's moving to New York or somebody who already lives here, or if you're in New York City, send it to a family member or a friend, and at least then you can at least feel like you've been seen. Maybe slightly attacked, but seen. And also come sweat with me at Salt Drop as always in Aster Place. Girl, drink that water, sit your ass down on the train, take your ass off the ass crack off that pole. Right when it's up the butt crack like that. Grab that $50 fan from Amazon, and I'll see you guys next week. Bye.