49. I Just Knew It

okay so i found out the knicks won the championship because my whole neighborhood erupted at midnight and i genuinely thought it was gunfire. that's the episode. that's also the prompt.

because this week is about your GUT — the times you JUST knew. no logic, no proof, your body just stood up and called it. the first date who bragged "i don't really read" (her soul left the restaurant before she did). the friend who opened with "no offense but" (the trailer for the whole movie). the apartment you knew in four seconds. the haircut you knew was wrong mid-scissor and still TIPPED for. and the big one every girlie needs — how to tell your gut from your fear, because one buzzes and one's the quiet drop. i go deep on that one.

plus: vito the maine coon is officially my 401k, somebody got rich off projector futures last night, and to whoever set the bus on fire — what did the bus do to you? we need that bus on monday.

your gut is undefeated. start believing her on the first try, not the fourth.

full-time feeler, part-time hater. let's get into it 🍋

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of I Hear You Babe. My name is Dino Malvone. I'm your host. We've got another great episode for you today. A bunch of emails that you guys sent into IHearYouBabepod at gmail.com. And a bunch of things that are dumb and going on in my life to make the dumb things going on in your life feel a little less dumb. It's your part-time feeler, full-time hater. Sorry, I got that backwards. But I can't start this episode without talking about the fact that the Knicks won last night because I, you know, because apparently that you know the Knicks in five, you know, they won the championship. The whole thing. You know, I woke up this morning and I jokingly sent a text message to one of my friends who was like, I think I heard that there was like a sports game, some sort of sports game last night, because people were in my neighborhood crazy. No, but I I found out that they won last night, but because I went out to get some Chinese food. I mean, and every place was playing this game. And even if you weren't at a place that's playing the game, on the corner, there was like a projector. There was a restaurant down the street that had a projector. There was a pizza shop further down the street that had a projector. It's in between like these two buildings, had a projector on one side of the building, and people were standing on every corner watching it. I mean, I swear to God, like the the stock of projectors skyrocketed. But I was down there getting my Chinese food. Because you can't beat, you cannot beat cheap Chinese food. And so while I was down there, I learned some things about the fact that the last time I guess the Knicks won a championship, Carl, I wasn't even born yet. And you know, I watched a little bit of the game, but I found out when I was trying when I was trying to sleep, and the neighborhood literally erupted. I thought it was gunfire. You know, from what I understand, my neighborhood was tame compared to the shit that I saw that was on. Sorry, can't curse. To the stuff that I'm gonna have to beep that out, to the stuff that was on, you know why? Because we're gonna try to upload this episode to YouTube. It's gonna be our first YouTube episode. So I can't swear on YouTube or else. Or else, or else. So, anyway, girls, here's the thing. I where was I going? Oh, we were talking about the game last night. So we got the Chinese food, and then I went back upstairs, and then I tried after I ate, I was in a food coma. So I tried to go to sleep, and that was it. There was no sleep to be had. I had to wait until like it's honestly, it's it did sound like gunfire. I'm not I'm not really sure.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

It's not or either that or it was like fireworks right outside the house. It was loud. It was loud.

SPEAKER_00 3:27

And side note, when I did jury duty, there was one case that was actually interesting. The rest of it was like so silly. And there was a shooting in Brooklyn. This was like years ago, before the pandemic happened, but there was a shooting on a street somewhere in Crown Heights. Park Slope, if I remember correctly, it was Park Slope. Anyway, long story short, somebody shot a gun and it went through some dude's window. It missed him, but like the dude was like sitting at his desk, like on the computer. You never know. So, anyway, it was a wild night, to say the very least. There were people everywhere. You know, firecrackers and you know, whatever. The even the cats were like, I mean, and then obviously after we win, we're gonna go right ahead and set a bus on fire.

SPEAKER_01 4:32

We're gonna go ahead and set a bus on fire.

SPEAKER_00 4:35

That's the thing about sports that I really don't get. I really don't get that part of it. It's like, we are so happy. We're like New York or nowhere, and I'm gonna flip this bus upside down. You know, like the way the streets were torn up, it was insane. The sidewalks destroyed. Meanwhile, they were clean this morning. Whenever I got up, everything's like it didn't seem like anything happened, but like that tells me that somebody was working overnight. So it means then my taxes are working overtime. And why are we setting the bus on fire, girl? We gotta get on that bus on Monday. So, you know, anyway, no one ever said that sports had common sense. You know what I mean? Like, and I'm sorry, don't come for me because I I I know not what I say. I don't even know the rules. So, but it was wild. Go next. And but you know, the togetherness of it all for me is is kind of cute. The you know, the Instagram stories of like people everywhere, that's cute. I do love the togetherness of it all, you know. And it was even like the one guy down on DeCalb Avenue when he was getting the Chinese food, had set his like big screen TV up near the window so that people outside if they if they weren't at a game or whatever and they wanted to watch from somewhere, they could watch from there, which I thought was kind of fun. And you know, but again, I'm telling you, the number of projectors that were in the neighborhood was literally wild. You know, I don't even know. Somebody got rich, you know. Whoever has that is holding the projector rights, they ate last night.

SPEAKER_01 6:33

You know what I mean? So I don't even know. Like that NFT killed.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

I don't really know what an NFT is, but if I had that NFT, we would have been banking, we would have been signing checks, we would have been signing contracts. And I genuinely have no idea what I'm talking about. So, but anyway, all right, so anyway, the point of this is that today's episode is about your gut. And the point is, like, when you just know, you just know, and there's an opportunity to listen into it, and there's an opportunity to ignore that sound. And if you're hearing other voices, it might be problematic, but this voice comes like from your loins, okay? We've got the Palo Santo, we've got the crystals, we are calling in not necessarily common sense, but you know, the time when you should have listened to that inner voice and you didn't. So listen, today I don't have my little fan. If I did, I would have brought it closer to me so that we can get into these emails. So girls, let's go.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

First one says I don't really read.

unknown 8:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:18

We do love a boss girl who can read though. But so it says, first date, he leans all proud and goes, Yeah, I don't really read.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

What do they call that? Weird flex.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

Weird flex, but okay. And Dino, I swear to god, my soul stood up and left the restaurant before I did. I know that's right. She said, so I knew dinner, dinner wasn't even over. I knew, finished my drink of respect for the drink, not him, the drink. Well, I can co-sign that. I mean, the idea of your soul standing up and leaving the restaurant before you, I felt that same rush with my own soul too.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

Cause I used to be, not to make it about me.

SPEAKER_00 9:49

But I used to be a book editor for the Harvard Business School Press. Bet you didn't know that about me. Little known fact. That was my first job out of college, and then yeah, then I went back and I got my master's degree. Let's not talk about it. So, you know, I I'm looking back at the email, and the, you know, the whole this is like the whole episode in one sentence, if I'm being honest, because it's not even in the reread of this email.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

I don't care, I don't care if you don't read.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

But if you stand on 10 toes and you're gonna die on that hill, and that's what you're gonna say with your whole chust with pride, you know, and you lean back and you're like, nah, I don't read, then you know, let's maybe just don't brag about it. You know what I'm saying? Like, there's a different thing. It's like the other people, the other way that like I would say to somebody like I ran a marathon three times, subtle brag. But the point is, you can't say I don't read the same way that I say I did three marathons, you know what I mean? So you just gotta pick and choose which one makes the most sense when it comes to that, and then you finish eating your drink out of the respect for the drink and not him. That's a woman in STEM, if you ask me.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

That is that's how you get your money's worth, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 11:35

That and eating the basket of bread and butter. I worked at a restaurant once called the Living Room in Boston. We used to serve warm pretzels with cheese. Let that sink in for one second because man was that good. Anyone else suffering from allergies? I mean, we're at today's June 14th. I would have thought it would have been done by now. Apparently not. But anyway, so here's what I would say. I think I respect you. I honestly think I think your gut is the first thing it filled the report out before the entrees came.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

So there and she was right. She's always right. She's always right.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

The gut the guts are always right. This next next email says, Hi, okay. Do I trust the bad feeling about the job? I yeah. Okay. So it says, hi Dino, I found you through a clip on Instagram, and now you're my morning walk. Hi to Rocco and Vito. Well, hello back. You guys, I'm gonna share the video of them that I talked about last week where Vito is playing with Rocco with the feather thing on the stick. Anyway, so actual question. I have a final round interview for a job that is more money and a better title. And on paper, it's the move. But I did the office tour, and something in my stomach just dropped. Like everyone was nice, and the desk was okay, and I can't point to one real thing that was wrong, but my body was like, Nope. The whole time I was there, and I don't know if that's my gut telling me something real or just like that. This change is scary and I'm self-sabotaging. How do you even know the difference? Because I don't want to turn down more money over a vibe, but also the vibe was loud. So funny that you just mentioned that because the vibe sometimes, like if it doesn't pass the vibe check, then but also the great first of all, thank you for putting me into your morning walk because I always think it's fun to start the day with something funny. Because you know, my listening habits are like the Giggly Squad, Secret Keepers Club, and True Crime. And then I do like listen to negotiation podcasts because by the way, I'm a negotiator, but I I like to stage the day. So in the morning, I like to laugh. In the afternoon, I like to listen to the stuff that's like kind of scary because it's daytime. And then in the evenings, if I'm listening to a podcast on the way home from work, I'm gonna do something where I'm gonna like learn a little bit. I'm also playing Candy Crush. So, okay. Now, this is a real one. So I'm I'm gonna get into it because you asked, I think the exact right question, like, how do you decipher between your gut and your fear? Which I think that's a very nuanced question because they seem like they feel the same in your body, but so does nervous and excited. Somehow one feels scarier than the other. I don't know. But I don't think that this is the same feeling because fear I does like makes a like your body buzz. It's like high alert, right? And it'll make like your face red or make you hot, makes you sweat. And I get that feeling whenever I'm like, I'm not good enough, or I don't look good enough, or somebody's staring at me, or like the whole train's looking at me, or I coughed. And so I get that feeling on the train a lot, and I start to sweat. That's fear, right? The feeling that you get in your gut that's trying to point you in the right direction, I think feels softer and a little bit quieter because the undercurrent isn't about a current threat, it is like heavier than that. It's like the drop. Like the like the the the realness of it all, like it vibrates your loins.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

So you know, when you said like you, you know, it felt like this drop, not that buzz, right?

SPEAKER_00 16:35

I think it's not about the current threat that's happening. I think it's definitely about your gut and you know, I've so here's what I would this is the part that I think is the thing that we need to take away from this. And I I'm stumbling over my words a little bit because this one's a tough one. So let me see, be patient with me. I think that the gut feeling is like the body giving you information, it's not the final verdict on anything. And you know, so don't turn down the money over the vibe check that you didn't investigate more. So go back for the next round of interviews. This time be a little bit more of a detective when you're walking around. Like, take a peek around a little bit more, see if you can get a sense for the environment specifically. And, you know, when when no one's looking, you can ask the team, like, what's the one thing that you might change about like that you might change about working here? And you know, you can watch their faces start to do the math. And nobody nobody's gonna say that they love the place without making eye contact with you. You know what I mean? If they like the place and they're being honest and genuine, they're gonna make direct eye contact with you. They're gonna be like, this is I I love this place. I'm gonna be here for the foreseeable future. And if they dart their eyes around a little bit, then you know that you should run. I'm just kidding. But but you know, don't don't discount the fact that you're that your gut has flagged something for you. That's that's the part about the information download that I think you can't skip. The next one.

SPEAKER_01 18:32

This next one says cherry ice.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

By the way, I also have the I don't know why. You know, I always have like two drinks. This is white peach gingerelle, not sponsored.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

I'm always so thirsty.

SPEAKER_00 18:55

But I also work out like 17 times a week. So this says, I knew the second she said no offense. Uh-oh. So hi Dino Pandemic IG Live Girlie. Well, hello. Did your living room workouts in 2021 and never left? Hi to Rocco and to the new baby Vito, a main coon. I screamed. Don't worry, I scream every day. Literally, I have the conversations that Darius and I have are about like the fact that this cat's like 18 pounds already and he's nine months old. Okay, so new friend seemed great. And then like three hangs in, she goes, no offense. And Dino, I don't even remember what came after because my whole body just went, Oh, there it is. There's the real one because nobody good in the history of the world has ever come, nothing good in the history of the world has ever come after no offense, but. And I knew in that second this friendship had a timer on it, and I ignored it. I gave it like four more months. Okay. And guess what? The timer was real. She was a no offense but person all the way down, should have trusted the first one.

SPEAKER_02 20:01

Oof.

SPEAKER_00 20:04

Now, no offense but is triggering. That I don't think necessarily has to be a barometer for the depth of that friendship in some cases. And I'll tell you why. And I feel safe saying this because my bestie doesn't even listen to this podcast because she's like, why would I listen to the podcast? I get to I hang out with you every other day. So she does this thing where she says, sweetie, and you know, we do our best with it. You know what I'm saying? Because we know there's more than just the sweetie. But but I but I but I can totally sympathize and empathize. See how I say that? But also, yes, we I'm so I I we got this main coon from the Ukraine. It was I'm not gonna have, I know people are gonna slide into my DMs and they're gonna send me messages. We're gonna get letters. I know, I'm but I'm a rescuer too. I've rescued like every single cat I've ever owned except for Vito. But yeah, this cat is so freaking cool. You guys, he's so cute, and the two of them get along so well. He's got the they've both got such good dispositions. And I told you in the last episode, Vito is gonna be my 401k.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

We're signing contracts.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

Not yet, but if you know somebody, let me know. But but okay, the no offense. So you gotta talk about because you described an early warning system that your body has, okay? And you you the no offense is a permission slip people offer themselves. It means like offense is coming. But I have permission, I gave myself permission to do it. And you know, they packed it, it's in the bag. And the thing I think that sucks the most is that they decided ahead of time that you're not allowed to get mad about it, you know? And because they prefaced the whole thing by saying, no offense, but it doesn't work that way. I because you're right, nothing good has ever followed that. Phrase and then it always like something, you know, that's gonna hurt your fucking feelings. Gonna hurt your gosh darn feelings. And you know, it's gonna be like you have a booker coming out of your nose, or like I hate your relationship with your significant other, or it's you know, it's like your job takes you away from me and I hate it. You know, it's it's that kind of stuff. So, but I mean here's what I think the real thing is, okay? Because I I'm as I read this, it's like this is again the whole episode, and you don't mishear your gut, you hear it perfectly. I I think that you gave it four more months because you don't want her to be right, her, your gut. And because no one wants to lose a new friend over one sentence that maybe you misunderstood. And at the end of the day, that no offense but is indicative of a personality. And the first no offense butt is the preview, and it's like the trailer for the entire movie. And sometimes, most of the time, trust the trailer, you know, just talking about my regal membership today. You know, your your your gut had the timer clocked day one, and and then we ignore that shit. So then there you go, you know. Okay, this next one says the haircut. Scary. Man, a bad haircut can fuck you up. So this one says, I knew it was wrong, mid-sissor, mid-sissor. No girl, I hate to see it. It's making me sweat a little bit thinking about it. I've had this, man. The second they cut like your the front for a guy, it's like at least someone that wears their hair like me. My hair's like most of the time it's down because I don't do it. But goddamn, gosh darn, it's it's real annoying. And so anyway, mid-scissor, I watched the first big piece fall and my stomach dropped, and I sat there and said, Looks great, and then cried. No, and at the end, paid and tipped, why are we like this? Why didn't I say something I knew at the first cut?

SPEAKER_01 25:16

First of all, it's screaming that you were shocked and horrified.

SPEAKER_00 25:29

And perhaps you went into shock because the horror of it all. You know, you watch the haircut going wrong, like, and then you're just like, might as well just fucking roll with it now. And you see the first big piece hit the floor, or you see the first, like you you you say to yourself, they know that that was a mistake, right? Like they and then they have to fix that. So everything else is gonna get cut around it too. So and you inside your gut is screaming, and because we're so conflict averse, we just said, okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:13

I I love it.

SPEAKER_00 26:17

No, I love it. I I always love the movie Reality Bites, and I always love Jeanine Garofalo's bangs. They're like up here. Anyway, the part that ends me is that like we pay and we tip. I was like having lunch somewhere the other day, and someone was the worst waitress ever. And I was like, they're getting a 5% tip. I mean, I tipped like 20% tip in the end, and the person who was with me was like, I thought you were gonna only tip like 5%, and I was like, I can't. And that's on us. The looks great part, that's a stretch for me. I don't know how you even did that. That part, that part on top of that you tipped and you paid fully set. And if you did it with a smile on your face and they didn't recognize that that smile was forced, then you deserve an Emmy or an Oscar because they ruined your life. At least for a little while. Do you know what I'm saying? All of a sudden your new identity is hats. So anyway, I feel like when you financially reward people that actively ruin your life because confrontation is scarier than confrontation, then girl, you gotta sit out the six months till the bangs crow out. I can't keep my mouth shut. So I don't necessarily have this issue, but I will tell you that I do sometimes take a moment to process. So it's like a fine marinara sauce. Sometimes you need like a second to process exactly what's going on, but but here's the thing telling them that you love it, you know, at the end, we can contain a multitude of different personalities. Trust, I'm everything. However, I don't think that we need to practice more of being shy, being a coward, avoiding confrontation. I think we can do the things that really indicate back to you that you love yourself. You know what I mean? So we gotta grow out of that. I'm in it too sometimes. I'm talking to myself. We have to grow out of it, you know? And we gotta keep it moving forward, which is the only way that's the only way it goes. Next one says, I knew before he said it. Why do I feel like I know exactly where this one's going?

SPEAKER_01 29:13

Let me have a sip of my electrolyte. Cherry ice. White peach gingeril. They're kind of a nice compliment. This one's cold, this one's not. But this is good. They're both so good.

SPEAKER_02 29:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:42

Hi, babe. Night shift, okay. I listen at 7 a.m. on the way home when it's quiet and my it's my little window. Oh, that's so cute. Hi to the baby boys. They say, meow meow. The first one, she says, this one's not funny. Sorry. Oh no. You're fired. Just kidding. No, babe, I want to hear everything. But it says, my knew my relationship was over like a full two months before it ended. Nothing happened. He didn't do anything, but one night he was talking and I looked at him and just knew. The way you know that weather is changing. And I stayed anyway because I didn't have a reason. Like nothing was wrong on paper. And how do you leave something when you can't point to the thing? So I waited until there was a reason. And the reason hurt a lot more than just trusting the knowing would have. Yeah. I feel like many people probably can relate to that. I think that sometimes we stick around because I you almost want to be forced out. It's easier, you think, to be forced out when in reality it's probably easier and faster to get rid of, faster to move on from if we just pull the trigger our own on our own. Not the actual trigger, but you know. So it says, I guess my question is, how do you learn to act on a gut feeling when you don't have proof yet? Because I think I keep waiting for permission, and the permission always comes in the form of getting hurt. Well, first of all, don't apologize for it not being funny because I don't, you know, I girl, relationships are hilarious and also, you know, they can hurt sometimes. They can be like fully on devastating, and they can also be, you know, the script for uh a daytime soap opera. They they span the whole spectrum. So thank you for providing me with at least a piece of this, the a piece of this puzzle. But the uh it's very cute that you I'm your 7 a.m. wind down when you finish your shift, because I like I was saying I end my day on like learning something, and for sure you're not learning anything from me. No, but it's very cute that you listen to it in the quiet, and I and I love that you bring this to me in that little soft window, you know. So I'm gonna do my best to try to answer your question because I'm grateful that you guys spend the time to write these emails. So, you know, as I'm like looking back over what you wrote, uh here's the thing you already know, but maybe you haven't like let yourself believe yet. And that's like you don't need a reason to leave something. You really don't. I know you feel like, and someone's gonna make you feel like you owe them an explanation, but I I think if you ask me, I don't want to be here anymore, is plenty reason. Paige Sorbo says no, period. That's a full sentence, and it's true, it doesn't require a footnote. I don't need to cite my resources, you know what I mean, when it comes to that, it's like it doesn't you know, it's not like you need to, you know, be able to present this in court so other people can co-sign it. You get to own that identity, right? And not and you don't need proof because how do you how do you how do you prove a feeling? The feeling has to be enough on its own. That's the only way that that works, you know what I mean? And you know, if if knowing needs a receipt, then the receipt is I'm still here. So knowing it is the thing. At least that's what I think. But you know, you also seem like you like name the brutal part yourself, which is the proof is gonna show up at some point anyway, you know, and that hurts more. So girl, if you can sense that the tornado's coming, it's best to just get out before the tornado arrives. Do you know what I'm saying? Does that make sense? You could have like grabbed the umbrella and made your way. Anyway, if you wait until the storm comes and then you end up getting raining, rain done, raining done. Add that one to the list. The lesson is then leave when you realize. Don't wait for that. That's the lesson I think. I think it's as simple as like your gut is allowed to be the reason enough. You don't need to prove it to anybody. And you're allowed to just go permission granted now. So you don't need a permission slip from somebody else, you know, by way of a shitty act or a terrible act. You know, you already have it, and that's you. The next one says we should all hang out. Say less. Where are we going?

SPEAKER_01 35:30

You guys want to come here?

SPEAKER_00 35:35

Because you know, I do love to see people, but I do not love to travel. No, I'm just kidding. This one says, beep boop, why lose my place? Okay. When someone you just met goes, oh my god, we should all hang out and our friend groups together. And your gut instantly goes, No. These worlds should never collide, they should never touch. These are different ecosystems. And you smile and say, Yeah, and you know it will never happen and should never happen, and you're both lying. Illegal. Okay, my entire friend group groups are different ecosystems. And I think your gut understands shit before stuff before your brain does. Your gut will tell you something that your brain's gonna take like years to figure out. I really believe it. Why they say trust your gut? Because it's like your other brain, you know? And sometimes friends' groups are supposed to remain in different tanks. They're not compatible species. It's like this fish and this fish just want to eat each other. You know, where these fish live peacefully together over here.

SPEAKER_01 37:01

So you keep them apart for a reason, and you're unhinged. A friend from your raver days should not meet your current colleague. You know, and your work wife should never meet your mom.

SPEAKER_00 37:31

I don't know, no, I don't know. But sometimes you can you get right away that like the chemistries are wrong. It's like oil and water don't mix, girl. I almost said oil and vinegar, those don't mix either. But you know, when the chemistry is wrong, that they the references that they they make in their conversation, those don't work. It's like you can already tell that someone's gonna say something that's gonna make somebody else so pissed. And once something small happens, it's like you can watch the collapse of this, the whole thing start to happen in slow motion. And it's like, um, do you remember doing like a terrible science experiment when you were younger and you were just like doing the volcano thing and you're I don't know, and you were like, I'm nailing it. And then like something happens, and the chemistry of the thing starts to go wrong, and like the thing explodes. And so then like the kitchen has to be replaced. And the beauty of it is no, the beauty of it is that like, you know, your friends probably know it too. That person who said it is probably thinking of themselves like I don't know. Yeah, we should totally do that. Like they would totally get along, and maybe they're thinking of themselves like like they just got a gassy belly because they started to get nervous, and they were like, My friends will never hang out with your friends. Like, my friends would think your friends are lame, you know, something like that.

SPEAKER_01 39:04

And listen, can't we just boil some things down to social pleasantry? I'm fun, and I'm nice, and uh that doesn't mean anything if we're talking about making a promise to hang out.

SPEAKER_00 39:26

Okay, sometimes we gotta keep the ecosystem separate, especially because I have a lot of friends that are women.

SPEAKER_01 39:34

The last one says I lost it.

SPEAKER_00 39:49

Oh no, there's two more. Okay, this one says, I knew the apartment was the one in four seconds, and other times my gut ran my life. Oh, I like that. So it says, Okay, Dino, settle in. This one's long. Girl, I'm looking at it, it's not that long. I think sometimes you guys think that the long ones are long, but they're not. What I some I've had really long ones before. These are this is not long. Watch. But you asked for the gut stories, and my gut runs my entire life. So hi first, salt drop regular, 6 30 p.m. The one who the one that laughs at you. Hi DeVito, Rocco, Darius. Can't wait to have pizza and prosecco. You guys, if you're in New York City, pizza and prosecco coming soon to salt drop. So I'm uh I just knew person to a clinical degree. Okay, can't wait to see it. We love a boss girl who's working in STEM. Like, example, my apartment. I walked in four seconds. I wasn't even fully through the door, and I went, This is it, out loud to the broker who hadn't even turned the lights on yet. I didn't see the bedroom, I didn't check the water pressure. No, you got to do that. Signed that day. Best decision I ever made. I still live here. The light at 4 p.m. makes me cry. Okay, girl. Sometimes you just know, right? And then it says, but here's the thing, it goes both ways, and I don't always listen. And that's where it gets me because the same gut that found my apartment also told me very clearly do not date the guy from the wedding.

SPEAKER_02 41:28

So funny, you guys.

SPEAKER_01 41:33

My ex-husband and I met at a wedding. So that's hilarious.

SPEAKER_00 41:40

This says clear as a bell. Don't date the guy from the wedding. And I was like, no, he's nice. I'm being negative. Let me grow. Six months, Dino, of a man, my gut flagged in the cocktail hour. She told me, told all capitals, at the open bar, and I overruled her because I didn't want to be the kind of person who writes someone off that fast. And it's like, when do you trust it? Because when I trusted, I'm never wrong, the apartment, a job I turned down that later imploded, everyone got laid off. I dodged it. A friend pulled away from friend I pulled away from before she showed everyone who she was. My gut is undefeated.

unknown 42:37

Huh.

SPEAKER_00 42:38

Not Rocky Balboa. He wasn't undefeated. I lie. And yet every time I it tells me something I don't want to hear, I just go, well, it's just, let's just make sure that. And by make sure my way is six months of a situation that my gut called on day one. So I guess my real question buried in this novel to you. It's not a novel. How do you tell the difference between your gut and just being scared? Because the kind of the same in my body, and I've been wrong about but I've been wrong about which it is. Anyway, sorry, this was so long. I warned you. The gut girly writes long. Love from Park Slope. So okay. So this one's a big one, and and I think you earned like a real answer. So I but I but I so I'm gonna go through like kind of line by line a little bit. But so the first the apartment, four seconds with the lights off. I I mean, I get it. I used to be a real estate broker, and I'll tell you what, I walked in, I was just talking about this story with a friend the other day. Walked a friend of mine who I met through real estate into an apartment, and we walked in, and immediately the pictures had done this apartment a disservice. It was freaking stunning. It had a walk-in closet that was the size of my bedroom and a really open layout, and they were people who love to host their incredible at throwing parties. So I I get I get that piece. And and and I love that it's the 4 p.m. light that makes you cry because I live on the top floor of my apartment building, and that light is something else. So anyway. So when you walk into an apartment and you see that 4 p.m. light, that's like your gut operating like at full capacity. And you know, I I think it matters that you have that sensation in your body. And I would do everything that you could do to continue to hold on to that. And because at the same exact that the same instrument that told you that apartment is the one is the same one that told you don't date the dude at the open bar at the wedding. You know, they're the same person. So, you know, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta God. Something about me tells me it's the cocktail in your hand that led you in that wrong direction. Do you know what I mean? And you know, somehow in that transaction, your gut got overruled for six months. So and I get it, you don't want to be the kind of person who writes somebody off fast, but babe, you know, your gut isn't writing people off fast. Your gut's like just reading, it just reads fast. It's a speed reader, you know, it's like whenever, you know, it's flipping pages through that book before you can, just because your gut just reads right through it. So I think there's a difference. And so I think here's the answer to the question it's buried in your novel, by the way. I loved your novel. And it's the same thing I told the other one about the jaw because you need the full version. So the gut feeling and the fear feeling that often speak differently can kind of feel sort of similar a little bit. But fear is like louder, it buzzes, right? It makes you hot, it makes you like, it makes you sweat and it spirals. You know, what if I'm wrong? What if I'm being senseless? What if I'm being negative? What if I'm being, what if I'm the problem? What if I fuck this up? Or what if I mess this up? And then the the other voice is like, you know, telling you quieter.

SPEAKER_01 47:05

This probably isn't it.

SPEAKER_00 47:07

But it's not gonna argue with the other one. It doesn't spiral, it just like says like no at the open bar calmly to you, and then like let's it just it's gonna sit back and watch you do it and not listen. And you know, your gut is undefeated because well, it's never been wrong. You just keep overruling it with that anxious voice that says, like, you know, I don't want to like call somebody out and like, you know, I just want to make sure. I I do that so much, but you already know the difference. At least it feels like you already know the difference. And the calm knowing is the gut, the excited and anxious one, that's the fear. And start betting on the quieter one because she's undefeated for a reason, girl.

SPEAKER_01 48:01

So there's one more.

SPEAKER_00 48:05

You ready? Last one, the group chat. This one says when you add when you get added to the group chat that already has an inside joke name and 200 messages, and you just know you're gonna be the quiet one who hearts things. You knew before you typed one word, you're a heart react girl. It's in there for life now, it's illegal. I didn't choose this life.

SPEAKER_01 48:29

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 48:31

Very specific topic. Something tells me that you were born after I was already arrested once. So when you get added to the established grap group chat, it that already has a name and like running jokes or whatever, and like a bunch of unread messages. You're your your gut instantly, before you even type one word, has assigned your life's purpose as far as that text message thread goes. And you're the heart react girl. You already knew it in your first three seconds that you were there. It says so, and gosh darn it. Let not let it be you that's gonna crack that lore. You're never gonna crack a joke. Because it probably won't land in that group chat. I'm not I'm not lying. I've been this before, I've been here before. It won't. You're just gonna get like a double tap at other people's like messages are forever gonna just, I don't even know.

SPEAKER_01 49:41

They're just gonna ghost you.

SPEAKER_00 49:45

Girl, maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. It depends on the type, but it depends on the group chat. I really do, but like sometimes whenever that happens, it feels like your messages live forever, like a little like they when they get ghosted and left on red. Man, that will like suck the life out of you. And like then you see the main characters start to emerge in the group chat, and everyone's like reacting, and everyone's and you it that's not the place that you're going to be the main character. You might end up being a recurring guest star, but your gut knows that you walked into you know this the Friends series, and your arc is one episode, you know, you didn't choose that life, that life chose you. Heart React and Peace, babe.

SPEAKER_02 50:44

So Heart React and Peace. R-A-P.

SPEAKER_00 50:52

That is this week's episode. I could go on and on and on and on and on, but I want to wrap this up. That's the inbox. Thank you for writing. Everyone that told me that the moment that they just knew. I I see you, I hear you.

SPEAKER_01 51:08

And the gut is undefeated.

SPEAKER_00 51:15

That's a good, that's a good one-liner to keep in your back pocket. The next episode, subject to be decided this week. So stay tuned for that. But also in the meantime, you guys, if you're listening to this podcast, please do me a favor. And you know, I ask very little of you. If you enjoy this podcast, send it to a friend, download it, make sure that you're leaving a review, you're giving it five stars, that you're subscribed, all those good things. And if this video ends up making it onto YouTube, please like, share, subscribe so that you're not missing other episodes. And don't forget your emails come to IHearYouBabepod at gmail.com. Please be sure to follow us on Instagram at IHearYouBabe so that you can see every week's prompt. I post them there. And girls, trust your gut, drink your water, and please get some sleep and leave the buses alone. I I'm on that bus on Monday morning, girl. No, I'm just kidding. Anyway, listen, it's your full time feel or your part time hater. I'll see you next week.

SPEAKER_02 52:37

Bye.