50. The Reunion (Where Are They Now)

fifty. FIFTY episodes. who let me. (nobody. that's the problem.)

so for the milestone i did the one thing you should never do — i listened to episode one on the bus. it sounds like i recorded it in a tin can at the bottom of a pool during a thunderstorm and at one point i call a situationship "a journey." i had to pause it. a man looked at me.

but it cracked something open, so episode 50 is a REUNION. no new emails. i tracked down the legends and asked them all one question: where are you now. the long test drive who bought a car (a good one). the woman who decorated the red flag and finally took the good knives. the bestie breakup that became a museum. the one who went dark and came back to say "i made it out. hi." the marriage saved at the dishwasher. and the closer that wrecked me — my very FIRST email, episode one, still here, still listening.

plus: a lightning round, a little hall of fame, my Chelsea Piers gym membership (i'm not a member, i'm a top-tier donor), and the impulse control of a raccoon. i'm in my cunt era. sorry not sorry.

you built this show. there's no episode without the inbox. so this one's for you.

🍕 next week: “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” — the mental gymnastics episode. every story you tell yourself to stay, every no-win trap. follow so it hits your feed monday.

full-time feeler, part-time hater 🍋 let's get into it

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, everyone, and welcome to I Hear You Babe. My name is Dino Malvone. I am your host. And we've got a phenomenal episode for you today. It's a bunch of emails that you guys sent into I Hear You Babe pod at gmail.com. You can't forget the pod. And a bunch of the dumb shit that's going on in my life to make some of the dumb shit that's going on in your life feel a little less dumb. Okay, girls. And today we are at episode 50, which is kind of insane because I don't know. I really haven't done 50 of any, no, that's not true, but it feels like I haven't done 50 of a lot of things. And like let's say, for example, if you took my gym membership to Chelsea Pierce, okay. And if we connected the dots on that very sparse chart, I would bet, and it's not anybody's fault but my own, but I bet you I haven't been there 50 times. I'll bet you I've paid them 50 times, which is, you know what, that's a sin. I don't want to talk about that. We don't need to do that math. Honestly, let me reframe that. At this point, it's a charity. I'm a, I'm a, I'm what, I'm a top-tier donor. And, you know, but here's the thing about oh gosh, here we go with the ums. Here's the thing about doing something 50 times. If you think about it, it seems like a lot of times, but at the same time, it's like not really that many times. Yeah, so because we do it once a week, it's you don't really see it adding up. Like if I were to take clips from every episode and put them together, like do like a montage, you know, that would be one thing where you'll be able to like see the difference in like my haircuts. I don't know. You know, you'll be able to like see the evolution of the show. But you know, right now, to me, it's a Sunday, and we're gonna get this all edited and up to you by Monday. And it's just me at the desk. I did, I did change the desk that I record at. I was recording in the smaller studio room because it had like the natural light was in there, and there was a desk in there, and this is where I taught fitness in this studio. But now I've got my DJ desk in the studio room where it is like we teach salt drop. And I got like this stool that I found that I love, and it sits like right behind the window. If you look outside, like the shutters out here, you guys, I know it sounds so corny, and you've heard me say it before, but the the shutters on this building are from like 1840, 1850, 1860. I don't know. I could be off by like a decade or two, but they're the original shutters, and you don't really see that, you don't really see that very often. So, anyway, so it look, I I'm here today with a Diet Coke, not an electrolyte zero blue raspberry, like I would prefer to be, but there is the the fact that we're doing episode 50. I'm recording it today, and then I get to commute home to two of the most beautiful cats that don't give a shit about what I'm doing right now. They just want me to be home and Darius, and I'm gonna try to get us some takeout so that neither one of us has to do anything except for put on the newest episode of 48 hours. So, but also, which you know, by the way, hi Rocco, hi Vito, hi Darius, and hello to anybody else who's listening to this on their 7:30 a.m. commute to work. I hope you've had your coffee. And if you haven't had your coffee yet, don't worry. I if you like the sound of my voice, I I get it. You might not like the sound of my voice, and I get that too. But I really do whenever I'm listening to a podcast that I enjoy, it's something about the way that their voice sounds too, which I have no control over. But anyway, the people who have followed the podcast from my bar three era and or found me on Instagram during the COVID era. And maybe those of you who have just like kind of stumbled into the studio and have heard me talk about the podcast, I appreciate that you guys are listening. I'm happy that you're here now. We're building a like mini cult. It's not really, you know what I mean? I'm not gonna ask you for anything. But here's what I will ask you though. If you are having a good time listening to the show or you listen to it at all, and you got this far, do me a favor, pause right here, go back, give it a five-star rating, go write like a couple word review or whatever. Because, you know, I'd love to get the ratings up to 100 ratings. I think we're at like 40 or something like that, but I think we can do better. So go in there, get get to it. I'm never gonna ask you for a favor again, but well, who knows? Also, just really grateful for, and then we're gonna get into these emails because you guys, you guys are all sending in incredible emails where you're saying things that I feel like people are sometimes afraid to say, but that need to hear out loud to make them feel like they're not going fucking crazy. So I want to give myself a round of applause for 50 weeks of people or like strangers to each other saying, you know, whatever the topic might be, they said, you know, me too. I have that experience. And that that the these emails are like the whole thing, it's the whole product, it's the whole, it's the whole podcast. You know, there's no episode without the inbox. So you guys built this. I just like, you know, I have I post, I talk about what I'm drinking today. It's a Diet Coke. Um I'm hydrating and I'm reading. Am I a great reader? That's debatable. Oh, debatable. That's something that my one of my oldest friends in life, um, her name is Jess. She's probably not listening because my friends don't really listen to this. That's not true. Some of my friends listen to this. Shout out to Marnie. She's she listens every week. She's like two episodes behind, but she lets me know. So, no, shout out to anybody who's listening to this. Some of you don't tell me that you listen, which is fine. You know, we love a voyeur. But okay, wait, so hold on. The 50 weeks of advice, and I think we're just getting started, girl. Because you know what? I don't feel like stopping and I'm having a good time reading your stories. So, geez, Louise, leave me alone. Also, by the way, if you have a story for an upcoming episode, I'm gonna be starting to put the upcoming episode in the show notes so that you know. But it's always gonna be at I HearYouBabePod at gmail.com. And I'm gonna land this plane because we got a fun episode. It's the milestone, and I have the basically like the impulse control of a raccoon. I'm from Western Pennsylvania. I don't know if you've seen a raccoon, but I have. But have you ever seen a raccoon in a dumpster like in a movie? That's my that's my impulse control. I was like, you know. So anyway, so we're gonna get into these. There's uh some emails, a lightning round, a little like hall of fame action. It's a lot, it's too much, and totally fucking perfect because I'm in my cunt era. Sorry, not sorry. Let's get into it, girls.

unknown 8:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

So, okay, wait, because I do want to back up because I I can't just start. I have to tell you about my morning. So it because it's kind of relevant, and I I wanted to like whatever, just chit-chat with the girls. But so I got on the bus, I got on my like my I got my DKalb 7 Eleven coffee. It's like if you know, you know. So, you know, French vanilla two Splenda, because I'm a woman of refinement. Also, I don't think anybody should come for anybody about their coffee orderer. I like it sweet, light and sweet. And I'm very, I'm feeling very like, you know, like milestone, right? Very reflective. This is this morning. And so I think like what and and what I can only describe as like a complete lax, lack of judgment, lapse in judgment, I think is probably the better one. So I went back and I listened to episode one of I Hear You Babe. Don't do it. Full circle, kind of cute, but it was not cute. Don't ever do this. Like this the the audio on the first episode literally sounded like I was recording it inside of a tin can. Like if I was like a Roseanne's neighbor and we had like two soup cans that we threw over like our backyards into each other's houses, and it felt like very, you know, like and then also on top of that, it felt like we were at the bottom of a swimming pool in the middle of a thunderstorm. And if you count the number of times I say the word I say it so many times, it stops becoming a word. And at one point I had to like pause the episode on the bus. Like I made a little like noise about, I don't know, just because like talking to myself or whatever, and some dude looked at me. You know, at one point I referred to some woman's relationship or situationship as a journey. Who let him? Who let me read hold on. Who let me? Because I want to go back in time and salt drop myself right in the jugular with my ankle bone. It was, you know. So anyway, so I get to the studio and I'm at the desk or whatever, and I'm still like cringing, and I don't know why I'm like, you know, I don't know why I did this. I really don't, I you know, so and then pull up the first email that came in. It was like like the document. It was like the the you know, the very first email that ever showed up. And so I'm reading it and I'm like, yeah, I don't know. I just kind of sat there because I I still think about her. You know, the stranger who, you know, she wrote me one email about it, it was like about a year ago, and I gave her advice like I had like any freaking clue what I was doing. By the way, I still don't. No one ever said you should take my advice. I'm gonna still offer it, but nobody said she'd ever take it. And I I never heard from her again. And I think about her, I think about her more than I think about people who I've actually met. Did she leave him? Did she do it? Like, is she okay? I'll never know. She she said her thing into like basically an abyss, like into the darkness, and darkness was me. And then she was just like gone, back, like you know, went back into the life that I guess I'll, you know, I don't, I don't I guess I'll never know. And that's the thing about doing this for 50 times that nobody warns you about. Like you're collecting emails and stories, but you're not like I think you're like collecting people because I remember, geez, I mean, I feel like I remember it's strangely so many of these emails, even though there's been 50 episodes, like I just I they it's it connects differently. Somebody whispers like the worst and messiest thing in their life right in your ear, like, and you're in the car or on your walk in the morning or on the bus or on the train or I don't fucking know, doing the dishes or whatever it is that people do. And then like the story just vanishes, and you just have to like live not knowing, right? So I thought, why don't we do it's like most, it's like a one-sided love affair. So I was like, why don't we do this? Because you know, I'm in it with every single one of you, and I thought, like, why don't we do it different today? So we're like no, not new emails today. I figured like, you know, we get to find out a little bit. So I went back and found like the legends in the mix. And if I didn't pick you for this legendary round, don't worry. We're gonna do so. We so we're doing, but don't worry, we're coming back to it. So well, I'm doing like the long test drive, the one who decorated the red flag, a bestie breakup that genuinely took me out thinking about it. We're gonna do the one with the girl who wrote at the bottom of something and then went dark. We're uh and then you know, I I went out and like I tried to email all these people and I found a bunch of them, and then I asked them the question, the same question, because I wanted to get this, like you know, an answer that matched, which was like, Where are you now? And the answers I mean on the floor, like spiritually giggling sometimes, and like so anyway, but I didn't record me falling off the stool or anything, but I but I I am for the first time recording an episode where I read the emails first, so I'm I'm pretty familiar with them. So I let I want to get into it because I like well, because I'm a professional. And I also feel like this is the episode that I want to give back to you because you built this show, and so I want to see how you're doing. So, welcome to our first reunion. I don't know, it's episode 50. Let's get into it. Okay, so these are some callbacks. And I I hope that you remember these stories. If you don't, please go back and listen to the episodes, but I will give you a clue as to where you can find them. Okay. So this because I want you to go back and listen to the episodes, but the the the first one says the longest test drive bought a car. And it says in parentheses, a good one. And this one you can go back and listen to Situation Court, Situationship Court, rather. The very first docket. It says, Hi, it's me, the original long test drive. You read my email back in the 40s. The guy who kept me in the talking stage for 14 months and watched all my stories and never once texted. Texted first. You said he's not the salesman and you're not the car. Get the dealership. So update. I got out of the dealership and then I got a whole other car, by which I mean a man who texts me good morning, unprompted, like a functioning adult. I know that's right. And last week I met, and last week he met my mom and bought her flowers, and I had to go cry in the bathroom because I didn't know it could be easy. Oh anyway, 14 months into the talking stage, and this one labeled it in three weeks. You were right. I'm annoyed. You were right, so thank you. Aw, stop at. I love that you were annoyed. No, you know, the original long touch drive, I think, was me. But uh no, I do remember this. This is like the founding case in Situationship Court. So I don't know, I don't know if you are familiar with Situationship Court, but we're definitely gonna do that again because very popular episode. But I I think about you all the time, actually. I generally wondered if you got out and you didn't just get out, let you got like the good one. So love to see that. We love an unprompted, like good morning one. You know, the brings your mom flowers one. It's like very cute. And the part that wrecked me was like I didn't know it could be easy. Because, you know, that's the whole thing nobody believes in until they feel it. The right one isn't like a 14-month-long negotiation about whether or not you should stick around. It's just a little bit easier than that. Like it's it, I think within a reasonable amount of time it becomes clear. It kind of the relationship labels itself. But you know, you spent over a year being a test drive, and then you know, a man with a I don't even know. Like, did he have a lobotomy? Or did he have a functioning precordal what do they call it? Prefrontal cortex? Am I a doctor? Not a prefrontal cortex. I think that's actually what it is. I'm not even fucking lying. But anyway, uh that's not you know that that's not a coincidence. I think that's like the difference between, you know, someone who wasn't, you know, quite sure, and somebody who was like, I know what's up. He was moisturized and unbothered. Okay. Court is adjourned permanently on this one. Thank you. Thank you so much. That was cute. I'm so happy that you guys sent these emails back in because yeah, these were fun. So the next one says the decorator finally left, took the good knives. Okay. It says, hello. You might remember me as I didn't ignore the red flag. I hung Garland on it. Oh no, I remember. The one whose boyfriend wasn't a texter and quote unquote just needed space, and quote unquote, wasn't ready, but would be soon. And that went on for three years. Okay. You asked me one question on the show that I could not stop hearing. I decorating. Well, I mean, yeah. So she says, I yeah, I was decorating. I was decorating so hard. Yeah, you totally were. I couldn't, I could have done windows at Bergdorf. Oh girl, if you don't know the windows at Bergdorf, that is like she is a girl who is that's a woman in STEM who is doing the most. Wait, but I love that. I could have done windows at Bergdorf, and I want to tell you I left right after the episode, but I didn't. I decorated for another four months because hearing the truth and being ready for it are two different days. Fuck. That goes on a t-shirt. Hearing the truth and being ready for it are two different days. Gosh darn it, that's really good. So, but here's the update. I left in the spring. I moved out, I took the plants, I took the good knife set. I know that's right. And the wild part is the second I stopped decorating his behavior, I could suddenly see it and all of it. Like someone turned the lights on in a room I'd been feeling around in the dark for years. In my own apartment now, it's small, it's mine, nothing in it is a red flag. How do I make sure I never decorate again? Well, first of all, you're hilarious. The idea of doing windows at Barney's, by the way, I I love going to see them in the wintertime anyway. Like I love going up there and walking down from there, but also I I worked at Bergdorf for a season, and but also like girl, I mean, if you've watched like any Christmas movie, specifically Home Alone 2 or whatever, I I can't help you. But I but but but you're you're hilarious and and you're free now. That's the most dangerous combination there is. And if you took the good knife set, that's that's not pettiness. That's we're doing we're doing a fairness. Power and that sounds like justice. Those are your fucking knives. And you said the truest thing. I'm just reading over there. You said the truest thing about leaving that I think anyone's ever sent, which is like hearing the truth and being ready for it are two different days. What that's the lightning that's the lightning that hits.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

You know? You know, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

And sometimes when that lightning hits, you still don't leave. You know, just because it hits doesn't mean you leave. And sometimes there's like four more months of whatever we're calling decorating between the two of you, and that's not failure. That truth sometimes takes a little bit of time. It's like slow work, it works in slow motion. So you didn't leave late. I think you left exactly when you were ready. I think that's the only time anyone ever leaves. People can't impart that shit on you. People try to do that, impart wisdom. You're like, well, if you're anything like me, it's like I'm gonna do the opposite because I don't know. How do you never decorate again? I think you already know the question. You have to keep asking is like, am I decorating or no? I don't think the instinct to want to do that is ever gonna disappear because I think we have a tendency format it in our genes. But I did I think you can get quieter a little bit and you can get quicker at catching that shit. You know, it's like a little bit of self-awareness, and the fact that you can see it as a red flag in full daylight now. Like I think that's the you know, that's the lights on. And you know, don't hang garland on anything that that in that tiny little apartment, you know. Just it's perfect because it's honest. So I you're doing great. This next one says, Oh, this one's gonna be found in the bestie breakups episode, the friendship that became museum. Okay, so the subject line is the museum closed and she made room. Okay, I wrote in during the first Bestie Breakups about my best friend of 15 years ago, who I'd outgrown but couldn't let go of. You called it a museum of something that used to be alive and I had to pull my car over. And you didn't tell me to end it. You said some friendships are chapters, not the whole book. And that loyalty to history isn't always the same as loyalty to the person, and I sat with that for months. Girl, the amount of times that people listen, I was doing like a CIA, I'm gonna get back to this email because but I was doing a CIA, you know, response to seeing my bestie out last night. She invited me to like sit on her couch, and then when I said I was entertaining a guest, because I have another bestie that's here, I was I was like, you know, I would I I can't because X, Y, and Z. And then you know, later it was like I was watching Instagram stories, and to be honest, it felt like I was watching the Instagram story uh from like three years ago. It's like the same fucking shit. You know, any hooslebees. Let's get back to this. So it says, I didn't do a big dramatic breakup. We just let it get quiet the way you said a friendship ghost, slow motion magic trick, and it hurt a lot. I grieved her even though she's alive for and 40 minutes away from me. But here's what oh god, man, that's so real. But here's what I didn't expect making room. I made two new friends this year, my age, who actually know the current me, not the 17-year-old version I was performing for 15 years. I don't regret it. I just wanted to tell you that the grief was real and it was worth it. Is it still normal to miss someone after you chose to let go? Yes. I have to also sit with that for one second because bestie breakups was a long time ago, and I know I never knew how yours ended. And you and you let it get quiet. You did the like hardest version, I think. Not the big blow up scene, like it was a fade. And the friendship ghost that takes more courage than a fight, I think, sometimes, because there's no villain to blame. It's just like two people who like went in different directions and like felt like they were growing apart.

SPEAKER_01 27:46

Then I grieved her even though she's alive and 40 minutes away.

SPEAKER_00 28:02

I still you know that's warm grief. And yes, it's like completely normal to miss someone that you chose to let go of because okay, wait, how do I say this right? I'm gonna try. Let's see if I can do this. Choosing to let somebody go who doesn't it doesn't delete love, it just stops you from living in a fucking museum of a friendship that never changes. And you're allowed to miss her and know you the right thing. Those like those live in the same chest, they always will a little bit, you know. But I guess the part that I think is the most important to reiterate again so that everybody hears it out loud is that you made room. You can't make new friends who know the real you while you're spending all your time and energy and shit performing the old you for someone the it's for someone who only loves the old you. Like, I don't give a shit. You've known me for a long time. Like, I prefer two new friends who know the current me. You know, and that's the whole reward. The museum of friendship is like, girl, the doors to that museum close. And you didn't lose a best friend, you finished a chapter and started a better one. Like, let's fucking go. A round of applause for you.

SPEAKER_01 29:32

So wait, you know what's so kind of funny?

SPEAKER_00 29:37

Like about doing this like little reunion episode, because I've like I'm thinking about the last year and I've been, you know, the journey that we've been on for this last 50 episodes, because I lost a cat and gained a cat, gained another cat, lost that cat. I imported a what I would consider a small bear from the Ukraine, moved my boyfriend in. The cat roster alone has like more plot than most like uh HBO shows that are fucking on TV right now. I mean, I feel like the cast members in my cat house uh change more than like summer house, and and you guys have been there for all of it. You're basically like my besties. And you know, I just anyway, grateful, grateful. So, all right, let's go to this next one. Uh beep boop bop. The one who went dark came back to say she's okay. This is the email I never got closure on. The woman who wrote mid-spiral and disappeared. Okay, so you probably don't remember me because I never wrote back, and I'm sorry. I wrote in a year ago when I was at the bottom of something. I didn't even ask for a I didn't ask a question. I just kind of spilled it, and you read it so gently on the show. And then I went totally dark and never told you what happened. Well, girl, that's why I wrote it back out. I felt guilty about it. Well, let's not do that, but I'm okay. That's the whole update. I'm okay now. I wasn't, and now I am, and I wanted you to know because you sounded worried when you read it, and nobody ever told me. Told you I made it out okay, so I made it out okay.

SPEAKER_01 31:55

Hi.

SPEAKER_00 31:56

Well, hello. And I do remember this email, and I remember reading it that one and feeling like I like someone handed me a, you know, it was like a something was kind of fragile about it. And then, you know, I know I don't always hear back from I do. So I I get emails back from people that are just say thank you for reading the email on the show or whatever. And but I never heard another word, and yeah, so I was like not worried, but maybe like a little bit worried. And you don't owe anybody an apology for just going dark. I go dark on everybody all the time. When you're at the bottom of something, you don't have the spoons to file a status report curl. Doesn't you work out of spoons? Sometimes we are in survival mode, and that was the job, and you did it. So let's fucking go. And I love that you said you made it out, and that's the best email I've gotten in 50 episodes, and it's those three words that will live long. That's I think that I man. If you can tell me a better reason to keep doing the show, I'll stay and listen. But you know, I read these emails and then you guys vanish into your lives, and I almost never find out that it gets better. I do sometimes, but I don't, I almost never do. And a stranger writing back a year later to say I'm okay now, you know, that's pretty, you know, it's pretty cool. You don't owe me the in the update. I wrote out to you, and that's I'm so glad that you wrote back. But it's the best gift in the freaking inbox, okay? Thanks for being here. So this next one is about a dream job she couldn't explain. So it says the coat fits now. She leapt. That's the subject line, which is I already love it. But I'm the quote unquote coat one size two big girl. I wrote in about wanting to leave a job everyone called the dream. The stable one my mom bragged about, and I couldn't justify leaving on paper because nothing was wrong. It just wasn't mine, and you said not mine is a complete sentence. Yeah, it's like two words longer than it needs to be. It's like one word is enough. Nope. And so I built the wait, says wait, you said not my is a oh here we go, hiccups. My is a complete sentence and build the bridge, don't leap. I mean, sometimes we have to build a bridge and not leap, and sometimes we have to burn the bridge and leap. It really depends on what we're talking about. So she says, I so I built a bridge. I didn't quit in a blaze of glory. I did the boring grown-up thing. I started a small risky thing on the side for almost a year while keeping the lights on. And eight weeks ago I jumped. I left the dream that wasn't mine. And I won't lie to you, it's scary. I make less money and I checked my bank account this morning and made a noise that wasn't human. Say less about that. But I wake up and the coat fits now. It's mine. God, you guys with these one-liners today are just like, Jesus Christ. I I can't even get enough. It feels like, man, I'm gonna put this shit on a fucking t-shirt. So it says, I won't lie to you, it's scary, I make less money, but boo-ba. I woke up and the coat fits. It's mine. My mom's still adjusting. She tells people that I'm figuring things out. Great. In this voice, but she'll get there. How do I not panic on those broke, scary days? Because the broke, scary days are really real.

SPEAKER_01 35:57

Man. Listen.

SPEAKER_00 36:06

Everybody that's ever owned a business, I feel like has probably made that same noise before. Because that's what it means to build the fucking bridge. You know what I mean? You didn't do like a reckless thing. You did like the brave thing, I think. And also, if I might say the brilliant thing, you gave it a year and then you like took the leap or whatever with a net that you kind of sewed together yourself, you know? That's the whole fucking playbook. Nobody knows what the fuck they're doing. So the coat now fits, it's mine, that's it. That's the entire I think that's the entire reason it was worth the noise into the bank out. Like you traded comfortable and not yours for scary and mine.

SPEAKER_01 37:00

And I would say that's the trade that builds a whole life.

SPEAKER_00 37:10

Takes balls. The money comes back, you know. Money's in a fucking washing machine. We've heard it talk, we've already talked about that before. Like it's cycles, you know, the years you'd spent in a coat that wasn't yours, those don't come back to you. Money comes back to you. Time does not come back to you. So, how do you not panic when the broke, scary days come? Well, you let the scary day be scary without letting it rewrite the whole fucking story. Sometimes it's a you can't you can't rewrite the decision based on something that's like difficult for you, right? So a hard Tuesday is not evidence that you were doing the wrong fucking thing. And it's just a hard Tuesday. And on the broke days doesn't mean you're a you know, broke ass bitch. It means like you're broke today. And girl, I've been broke so many times. Being broke, I think, builds character. You know, if I could eat a dollar slice, I I I survived a long time drink eating like a dollar slice and surviving on just that shit.

SPEAKER_01 38:18

So, you know, at the end of the day. I get it. And look, you know, you bet on yourself.

SPEAKER_00 38:38

Give her the same year you gave yourself. You're not you're not figuring it out. You already figured it out again, you know. So this next one says women in STEM got married. Energy now on the right team. Oh, love to see this. You once called me, quote, women in STEM for the way I handled my ex, and it remains the proudest moment of my life. Oh, well, you're welcome. It's in my Instagram bio. My mother doesn't understand it. Well, that's okay. That's so cute. Anyway, update I'm married now to someone else, a good one. Round of applause. Calm, the kind you talked about. But at the wedding, my mate of honor told the women and stem story in her speech in the whole room, lost it, and my husband leaned over and said, I'm so glad that energy is on my team now. So the pettiness found its forever home. That's the update. I used it for good, so I'm basically a superhero. Listen, we love a woman and STEM. We are we're all here in support of women and STEM and women in the arts. Um this is cute. So look, okay, you so your husband gets it, it sounds like he understood the assignment and he saw the women in STEM energy instead of being shitting himself. Which, by the way, there was a shit Krappens incident that I will tell you about later. Hopefully, if I forget, that'll be great. But I we'll get back to that. But he wasn't scared, he said he has to deploy that for us. And babe, I think that's a keeper. Let's keep him around a little bit and see how it goes. That's a man who knows what he has, it sounds like. You know. So, anyway, this is good. This is a glow up, nobody talks about. So the same resourceful, petty, slightly feral energy that gets you through a bad X becomes loyalty when it's pointed in the right direction, girl. It was never a flaw. I think it was just aimed at someone who didn't deserve it, and now it's a superpower with a wedding ring on it. She sounds moisturized and unbothered, married women and stem forever.

SPEAKER_01 41:07

The next email says reunion, the performance of fine.

SPEAKER_00 41:31

No yelling. We just become co-CEOs and strangers who coordinated. You said it was water damage. Nobody screamed, it just stopped growing. And you told me to say the thing out loud to him, the real thing, not like we need to talk, but I miss you and I want to be your person again. This is a long time ago. So I need you to know I almost didn't. I had the sentence ready for like six weeks and kept swallowing it. And then one night he was loading the dishwasher and I just said, I miss you. We're so good at the logistics. I just want to be your person again, not just your co-CEO. And he put a plate down and he cried. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 42:18

Now that's gonna make me want to cry. Gosh darn it.

SPEAKER_00 42:24

No, we're not gonna do that. This man I thought had checked out and cried and said, I thought you were happy. I thought this was just what it became. I miss you too. I don't know how to find the way back. Not you guys making me cry on this podcast.

SPEAKER_01 42:40

Not an episode 50.

SPEAKER_00 42:45

We're in counseling now. Well, that's good. It's not magically fixed. Some weeks are clumsy and we're both bad at it. 11 years of drift doesn't undo in a month. I know that's right. But we're trying together on purpose. Girl, you can't beat that.

SPEAKER_01 43:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 43:11

There's warmth in the house again. The pilot light wasn't out. It was just really low. I don't have a question. I just needed you to know that one sentence. I was too scared to say gave me back, gave me my husband.

unknown 43:24

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_00 43:25

I was too scared to say gave me my husband back, or at least gave us the chance. Okay. I gotta hold on. Okay, we're back. I I'm gonna take, you know, because I know this is the one that I hoped for and never let you know myself like kind of expect anything about it. But I like when he said you put when he said he put down the plate and he cried, and he said he said, I thought you were happy. I I don't know how to find the way back. Like, do you understand what that says? I think you were like both thought the silence was the other person like checking out, and the whole time you were standing in the same like what do we call it, water damage, assuming you were alone in it, and that's the cruelest trick of the thing that it does to your brain. Makes you think like the drift is happening in different directions when it like in one sentence just broke it. You know, it's like you said. The pilot light wasn't out, it was just really low. That's the difference between like when the pendulum swings in a safe zone and when it starts to swing farther outside of there. It's like the it's between like a drift and when it's dead, you know. And most people never find out which one they're in because I think they're too afraid to ask the question or whatever. So when you put the dish down, man, oh man, all the unromantic places, which like the dishwasher is a very unromantic place, which weird that your marriage got saved in front of this fucking dishwasher. Not on vacation at a beach resort, you know, like just putting shit into the dishwasher. And anyway, like look, if I looking back, it's like you were terrified for six weeks and you said it anyway. And I think that's a pretty brave email. That's the bravest email, I think, so far, which is great. And since you were honest with me, I kind of want to be you know, be honest with you. Counseling being clumsy is like, I think, you know, some weeks, you know, being bad, some, you know, it's not that's not failing. That's like that's I think that that's working. You know, 11 years of drift doesn't reverse in a month, and anyone who is gonna say something other than that is telling you a lie. And the fact that you said the warmth came back into the house, uh, you know, I think it's like a big, you know, is I think that's a miracle. Like you didn't just save a marriage, you prove like that like fine is a sentence that you're allowed to refuse. So thank you for coming back and telling us. I'm not crying. It's like the lemon that somebody cut, somebody just cut an onion in here. It's very acidic and aerobic onionatic. The next one says I was your first email, I'm still here. Uh you don't know it, but I was your very first email. Episode one, the tin can audio one. That's how I've been describing it since then. I'm the woman you gave advice to before you knew what you were even doing. And you mentioned me in episode one, like I was the very first of many, and I guess I was, but I was also first. And I've been listening since every episode, every Monday since, which means I've been here for all 50, which means I've watched the whole thing get built from the other side of the speaker. Thank you so much. Oh, thank you so much. I that means a lot to me. Back then, I wrote in because I was trying to leave a relationship I'd been in since I was 22 and didn't know who I was without it, and I was terrified. You told me, baby podcaster you, fumbling, saying, um, 400 times. You told me you can start again in the middle. You're allowed to come back to yourself. You probably don't even remember saying it. It wasn't polished, but it changed my life. So here's 50 episodes of update in one paragraph. I left. Round of applause. It took a while. I started again in the middle, exactly like you said, and the middle turned out to be the actual beginning. I went back to school at 34. I live alone, and I like it, which I didn't know was allowed. And I'm not writing because I found someone. That's not the happy ending for me. The happy ending is that I found me. And I've been quietly, yes, girl, I love that. I've been quietly cheering you on for 50 episodes the way you cheered me on in one. Girl, okay. I see what you guys are doing now. I I see you guys are trying to make me cry. Anyway, she said basically, I'm listening to episode 49 right now. I need you to know that I think about you all the time. You were the first person who ever made me feel like I wasn't crazy. Look at what you've built. I was there for episode one. I wouldn't miss 50. Congratulations, Dino. You do this thing, and so did I.

SPEAKER_01 49:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 49:11

You know, I put you in the monologue because I do think about that email all the time because I mean that was like the first email that I put into this freaking podcast. And you and you left and you started again in the middle, and in the middle turned out to be the beginning. And that's the most beautiful thing anyone's ever handed back to me. I think because you know, I I said that line at episode one like a fool who didn't know shit. And then like you took it and lived it in for 50 episodes while I was like trying to figure my shit out. How to talk into a real microphone. Like, where am I setting myself up? And then the part I need everyone listening to hear, like the new and the old, is that the happy ending isn't that someone found someone, it's what they found themselves. That's the whole fucking show. That's what it's been about for 50 episodes, if you ask me. I don't think I ever said it as clean as you did, because I I I have ADHD and I can't articulate a lot of ideas sometimes, but you know, you don't have to be rescued by a person. You can be rescued by coming back to yourself, and you do that. Darius does that all the time. I try to do that too. And, you know, at 34, alone in a life you like, you did that. And, you know, you said there was like you were here for episode one, and I wouldn't miss 50. So, babe, you weren't a listener, you were like a founding member of the listening squad. There was no show without the first email. And that first email was you. That's so cute. Everyone who found us, you know, by way of a search engine or by way of a friend or whatever. Anyone who's like ever wrote in and trusted me with the messy story or whatever, that's so that's so great. But to be honest, you're proud of yourself, and I can feel it through that last email. Good for you. You should be. You were the first, and girl, you're gonna live into perpetuity. It's my favorite word. And you look, you're still here, and you did it, and so did I. Like, we did it, and and we did it at the same time on opposite sides of a speaker for 50 odd weeks, which is so freaking weird and cool to me. So, anyway, thank you for being email number one. Thank you for being here for number 50. Obviously, you know, I love you. I genuinely what do it, what is it called? Parasocially, is that a word? Love you. Anyway, that is the reunion episode. That was that's episode 50. And I know I'm not freaking crying, okay? Relax. What's so great is like the first email and the 50th are in the same room. And I told you at the top, I don't collect emails. We collect these stories and these people, and today the people came back to tell us that they, you know, they made it. And anyway, I don't know. I just thought it was a bit of fun idea because it's rarely you ever get to find out like how the story ends for some people or or how the story continues for some people. So anyway, if you've been here since I was like recording through a tin can underneath the ocean, and you wondered in like, or you wondered in like episode who cares, 49. Now you're part of this family. Now you're part of the inbox. The whole show is the inbox, so keep sending them to IHearYubabepod at gmail.com and your email is gonna be in a reunion and wreck me like this one did on episode 100. The prompt for next week's episode is gonna be in the show notes. Listen, if the show ever made your day lighter, go leave a rating. If it's how the next email finds us, you know, my recommendation for your day today is go say hi to your bestie. Send her your freaking location if you're going out tonight. And if you're in the middle of your life story and it don't feel like it has an ending yet, keep going. Okay. Keep going. One day that's your reunion email coming up. Okay. Anyway, you know that I love you. I love you real bad. This has been, I hear you, babe. What am I? You're full time feeler, obviously. Part time hater. And I will talk to you guys next week.

unknown 54:12

Bye.