53. Kitchen Sink Fights: The Boat Has Not Existed Since 2004

ever had a fight start about a rotisserie chicken and end at his entire family since 2023? babe. the chicken opened a portal.

ep 53 is kitchen sink fights — the argument that starts about one thing and somehow contains seventeen. the mental filing cabinet (babe, it's coming from the cabinet). the man who floods the room the second you raise ONE feeling. a listener married 41 years still fighting about a boat that sank two decades ago. and a dishwasher loaded like a raccoon did it — until one sentence told the whole real story.

because the fight is never about the thing. it's about the thing under the thing: do you see me, do you hear me, do i get a say, am i enough.

send me the fight that started about a lid: ihearyoubabepod@gmail.com. anonymous always.

full-time feeler, part-time hater 🍋

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, everyone, and welcome to I Hear You Babe. My name is Dino Malvone. I'm your host. We got another great episode for you today, kids. It's another bunch of emails that you guys sent into I Hear You Babe Pod. Don't forget the pod, you guys, at gmail.com. And as always, a bunch of the dumb stuff that's going on in my life that hopefully makes the dumb stuff going on in your life feel a little less dumb. You know what I mean? You know the drill around here. So, first of all, let me just ask everybody how they're doing because this past week, I mean, honestly, let's just take a second and do a quick check-in. Like, are we good? Where are we? And it's okay if you're not good too. But I this we just got off this week of the wild fires from Canada that were just making the skies here look like it was end of days. And but honestly, I'm gonna rec I'm recording this a little bit early. So it's ready for you all on Monday. So by the way, happy Monday. And but I'm recording it a little bit early because there's some stuff happening at the studio on Sunday. And so I just wanted to get it out and ready so that you could hear it on Monday. So but where I am is still the weekend, and the skies, girl, the skies are blue today. Because you know what happened this past week was, and look, I'm not a fire scientist, so I don't know. And but there were fires happening in Ontario, and it made the weather in New York literally insane for a couple days. And I don't know if you saw the videos. I actually posted one on my Instagram story today, but it I'm telling you, it looked like end of days. Like it looked like a movie poster, or you know, it looked fake. You were just looking at it being like, this is freaking wild. And I'm watching them with my mouth open, like a literal cartoon. And it's scary. I mean, I I yesterday we went to dinner for a friend's birthday, and just sitting in the restaurant made me feel insane because they had the door open, but they had the the air on. But I was just struggle busting. This this weather is literally no joke. I think I saw somebody post a meme or something. I think it was probably true because I saw it on Instagram, but that it's the equivalent of like smoking 10 cigarettes. So, girl, you might as well just smoke them. You know what I mean? But so anyway, I I don't know if like it's happening more often now because I do remember it happening maybe like last year, or I don't know if it was last year or the year before, and maybe it was even worse the last time, but you know, I I have a degree in environmental policy. I know you're shocked from Tufts. And I I I do remember a little bit. There was a kid that was in my class that like did fire rescue stuff like on the side. And that's when I learned about controlled burns. I don't know if it was like a controlled burn that got away, or I don't actually know how it started. I haven't done the research. So don't quote me. Okay. I have a degree in environmental policy, but I don't know anything about fires. Okay. A dude with a podcast and a fitness studio and iced coffee by my side today. That's that's really all I can offer you. But the sky was orange, like the New York sky was it's crazy. But and everyone's walking around squinting at the sun. Like, is this an omen? Like, are the aliens gonna bust through that cloud? Or like, what kind of chemicals are in that smoke? I don't know, because I I felt crazy. And like, you know, my true crime brain and like the alien brain, they start to fight over custody of like what's happening at the situation at the time. Like, really, what's going on? And anyway, everyone up there, be safe. We love you. Canada gave us like veto's whole aesthetic. Well, main, but you know what I mean. And you know, we owe them, we owe them because they've got less crazy leaders there. Okay. So on top of that, well, okay, so today it's literally just gorgeous. As like I'm recording this, the skies like it's totally blue. There's like not even a cloud up there. And but it's literally been a hundred degrees. How many times can I say literally this this episode? We're gonna stop that. But it's been a hundred degrees every single day, every day, babe. A hundred. My body is melting. I can't be out there for more than a few minutes without my fan, which I've spoken to you all a lot about. And and the girls are prepared for it, you know. The girls are out there with their little flip-flops and their tank tops and their little cute halter tops. Everybody's out there thriving in like four ounces of fabric. You know, you can fold it and like put it into your back pocket, you know what the girls are wearing. But I'm out here dying. Okay. So what I did is I decided that I was gonna go and buy a bunch of mesh shirts. And like, I know what you're thinking immediately. You're like mesh shirts, you're thinking like sports gear. Like, that's not the vibe. The vibe is like I just found these, you know, like the two button collar shirts, or I've got some like, you know, they're like dressier, like, I don't know, t-shirts, or what have you. I've got a few different options there. I got this like cute little sweater with buttons down the middle that's also kind of meshy, if you will. It's like a summertime sweater. Sounds crazy, but um, it's got holes in it. So I decided that that was gonna be my vibe because you know, your girl sweats. I've got like 15 colors of mesh shirts at this point, and it's okay because I'm Italian. It's literally genetic that I sweat like this, and my fan, like it's a I think it's a good accessory to cold to hold with like hear me out. That fan in a bottle of San Pellegrino and like my Neapolitan Noir outfit. Stop. Girl, she's gonna get a modeling contract. But anyway, best 50 bucks I ever spent on that fan. I think it's probably 60. You know, inflation or whatever. But best 50 bucks, 60 bucks you'll ever spend. And I will not be releasing the link because I'm not an influencer. Okay. No, I might do it. Depends. If you guys want it, just like DM me or whatever. But your man is hot, so I've figured it out. If you need some help, let me know. Okay, but the big news, the big news, you guys, because today is a monumental day. And speaking of becoming a model, I finished a major photo shoot today. It happened. I've been like talking about, you know, and I'm still kind of floating right now, and I still might have like one more look to do after I'm done filming this. Filming, recording this. But Darius introduced me to his friend J. Michael, and Jay Michael is here for his birthday trip. So we had a great dinner at one of my favorite, really Italian restaurants in Clinton Hill yesterday. It's like an old pharmacy. It's it's really legit. So, but anyway, I so the two looks that we did so far today, and we did oh god, we it's like I went I took a portal to Italy today. This guy is like a portal to whatever world you want to go to. Because we did a whole like Neapolitan Noir like photo shoot, kind of like brand for Dino, kind of rebrand for whatever. And when I tell you it was cinema. So picture it. I was like, I stood like next to a Vespa that we just found on the street that we were shooting on. We were doing it all renegade style, and you know, a Vespa for the girls who've been here know, I used to have one back in the day when I lived in Boston. It was a it was white, and it was stolen in cold blood. RIP to her. So standing next to this bike was a full circle moment, but it was really cute. It was like a like a eggshell blue, and it was just happened to be on the street. So we did a few photos there. I did some photos on a stoop, like coming out of a brownstone or something that was, it might have been a townhouse. Either way, we did some of those, and I had some next to there's a cute little building that used to have ivy all over it, but they took the ivy down, but now it's all like a big, you know, overgrown garden. So we did some photos there, and then I did some photos at an ice cream shop where I ate some gelato, and then I did some other stuff, and it was freaking cool. I read a book like I was in a mysterious window. It was giving 1963 in Naples, okay? It's giving espresso at a funeral. You don't know if I'm in the mob or not. You know, it's stunning. Some of them were black and white, some of them weren't whatever. And he J. Michael moved so fast, babe. I was so impressed. We got it everything in it like no time. It was like no fuss. I was melting because I already sweat a lot anyway. And I was wearing, you know, like a suit jacket, and uh, but the fixtures were the pictures were literally fierce. I audibly gasped and at my own face, which is like humbling and also embarrassing at the same time. It's probably the most embarrassing, but I'm excited for you guys to see them. It's a like a little HM haul that pulled through, by the way. Like it was super inexpensive. It looked like a million lira. And well, honestly, most of the stuff was like already at my apartment. I didn't necessarily buy, I just wanted to get some brand new t-shirts because I don't have, you know, basics are you wear them out pretty quickly. So anyway, my Neapolitan Noir persona is has arrived and I don't think she's leaving. You know, and if anybody wants some Italian music from the 1960s or 70s, because that's all we listen to in Anna and Tony's car. That's my parents' name. That's all we ever listened to in their car. And I I know the words to it. So I have some really phenomenal playlists that I would be honored to share with you if anybody's interested. Everybody's hands went up so fast that I didn't even see them. You guys know, but anyway, like people like Mina, Adriano. It's again, I told you, it's like giving cinema. You know, it's like my it's like being at my mom's cousin's wedding, you know? But okay, anyway, more exciting stuff coming this week. You guys know that there's like a, we're in the middle of like a salt drop rebrand. Also, you guys, this is a kitchen sink I'm dumping on you right now. And by the way, because it's been, I don't even know how long since we've been recording, but today's episode is all about kitchen sink arguments when people throw like everything in to one argument when you're like, can we just keep it to one topic, please? But anyway, so in the middle of the salt drop rebrand, blah, blah, blah, photos, espresso, you know, lemons, is the whatever, the new classes that we're introducing soon. But I'm building a team that's so freaking nice. It's so freaking cool. There's like no ego, there's no, I don't know. Like, I want to take class from everyone that's on the team. And I I'm just excited, you know? I feel like it's been it's been an interesting climb. But we're building a strength class together, which I'm excited about. It's gonna hurt so good. And I mean, I know I'm the only one that's like giddy about it, but I'm hiring right now another person who I think is phenomenal. Nobody else is giddy about it because they just don't know yet. But I got this girl, she's phenomenal. She's coming on to the team, she's just great. Gillian's back on the schedule. Listen, she has returned. And you know, between Jake, Madison, and or Mads and Gillian and Sophia, babe, I've got like a really, really, really cute team going in finishing the summer going into fall. So makes me so happy I could cry into a mesh shirt. It's been lonely building this thing sometimes. So having a team that is like just so supportive. It's okay, we're gonna move on before I sh before I cry. I'm really grateful. Anyway, so moving on. The uh anywho, uh, I got Vito a backpack because he's coming to the studio for a bath. I just want you guys to know everything about my life. And then I also got them a new cat tree because they destroyed the other one. Okay. And do you know what they want to play with the most after it? You're spending money on toys and whatnot, cat beds, and they want to be in an Amazon box. So thank you, Mr. Bazos. Anywho, girls, today's episode, and honestly, this guy already did my segue for me because you know, like I keep, I keep thinking watching those fire videos, like it's like uh one spark and it starts like all of it, right? And same kind of shit with this, this, the idea of this type of argument. It's like one little thing happens, a spark, and it sets everything off. And the honest to God truth is, of course, I was inspired by my own precious Darius, who loves to, he loves to kitchen sink me. And but it's okay because we are fully versed in one another's crazy at this point. And it's really easy to it's really easy to disarm sometimes, and most times. So it but the thing is the fight starts about one tiny thing, and like it'll be like you that the dish that you left after I cleaned everything, or it's like the text that came through that it sounded off, or you know, and then it's that's the tiny spark, right? That then that's kind of like all it takes, and then suddenly it's like the whole woods are on fire and the sky is orange and nobody can breathe. And that's kind of like today's topic, because like you know, we're talking about the kitchen sink fight, the the one that starts about that thing, the thermostat, 45 minutes later, you know, the whole sky of your relationship is orange, you know, and you're like fighting about 17 different things that you and you can't even remember what the fuck the start the fight started about. Because like at this point, you've gone into so many different directions. It's like, who knows? And these fights are interesting because one of the things that we learned in the when you learned negotiation techniques is that everybody comes to the table with a position, but we are really seeking to understand what the underlying interests are. Because, you know, it might be like, I hate summer. You know, I don't want to be outside, but it could be because, well, what why do you not want to be outside? The underlying interest there is like I'm really hot when I'm out there and I'm uncomfortable. It's difficult for me to connect whenever I'm, you know, I feel like I'm melting. My temperature gauge doesn't work like yours does. So the underlying it was like, well, why don't we get you a $60 fan that you can take with you? And then maybe you come toward the end of the evening whenever, you know, the sun is the the hot, hottest sun is down. And it's like, okay, well, that's a way to navigate something like that, the underlying interest. And so, whatever. That's what these fights are about. These fights got the kit that, you know, it's like the sink is in the fight. The sink is now named a defendant. Okay. So here's the that's basically like the thesis, I guess. And then we're gonna get into these emails. And listen, I'm gonna say this again because I just want to make it clear. I put out a prompt every week. You guys send me your emails, right? And the part that I want to make clear is that just so you know the deal, and I I love saying the deal, I've not read these emails. I never read them first. The inbox stays sealed until I'm ready to film. And I copy and I paste. I see them like what I see them when you hear them, you know? And everybody is anonymous, change the names if I have to, because like I don't want anybody to get clocked on the podcast. Because girl, like I said this last week, like the listenership is like not crazy huge at this point. And so, you know, your man might be in the car with you right now. And hi, sir. This episode's a little bit about you. Anywho, girls, let's get into these freaking emails. Because listen, the Italian of me wants to, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. This first one says, hi, Dino. My coworker made me listen on our commute, and now we don't talk on the commute anymore. We just listen. Oh, thank you so much. It's better this way. Uh no, you guys, you gotta connect a little bit too, but that's so cute. She says, Okay, so my boyfriend and I had a fight about a rotisserie chicken. Okay. I'm fully on board. Not going to give context because there isn't any.

unknown 18:13

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 18:13

I said the chicken from the hot bar was a little dry, and 40 minutes later, he was listing every time my mom has been weird to him since 2023. Precisely. The chicken, Dino. The chicken opened a portal, and anyway, we're fine now, but I think about the portal a lot. Hi, Rocco, hi Vito. Well, they say hello back. I was okay, the commute girls, like, we don't talk anymore because I'm the third seat in that car. Not me sitting between you guys. So it's the highest honor. And, you know, you tell your coworker that she has excellent taste as always. I love to, I love the word of mouth spread because that's really the only way. I'm not doing the TikTok thing right now, which I know I should be. You guys don't yell at me, it makes me feel incompetent. But your coworker has great taste and apparently terrible boundaries because I love her. But maybe you guys should talk on the ride to work. Okay. And the boys obviously say hi. I'm sure if I listen, they slow blink to you. They love to slow blink these two. So that okay, the the chicken, this is kind of fun because when you say it opened a portal, like I totally I see it. And like you're totally right. That's the whole, I think that's the whole this a whole episode in one sentence. Because the chicken may have been dry. I mean, maybe it never was dry, but maybe it was. It's a hot bar. So the longer the chicken sits there, like the the the drier it's gonna get. We're not expecting miracles today. But I guess the chicken was never the point that it was like the door that opened up to, you know, you you knocked on the chicken and his mom file fell out, you know. So I don't know what that your his mom, your, you know, your mom acting weird to him has anything to do with the chicken and your mom's personality since 2023, but that's not a fight. That's like you're time traveling now, girl. So, okay, this is what you take, and then and then I'll let you get back to your silent commute, because that's funny. But the the portal does it just like randomly open, like something is provoking. I think portals open like when the wall is like really thin, you know what I mean? And like the mom stuff was like sitting back there, like it packed and ready to go, waiting for any door to open so that they could be like, here's my chance. And the mom file fell out. So the chicken just happened to like knock first on that door. I'm killing this. I'm killing this. Okay. So you're fine, you said you're fine, I believe you. And then, like, maybe one day, like not in a fight over a dry dinner. Ask him the mom thing like like directly on purpose. Like, and and then in the middle of the fight that's happening before, I would say, like, hey, let's let's take one topic and address that. And on another occasion we can address this one. Cause you know, I guess like, okay, this I'm gonna end this whole what is this? Like the portal idea. I I I really beat that one down to the ground, but like I think I feel like it's much nicer to like walk into a portal as opposed to be like pulling or dragged into one. But that's all I feel like that's a movie that I've seen or something, you know, like a Halloween town, the portal to Halloween town. You guys know that movie? Anywho, girls. This next one says, Hi, Dino. Okay, first I'm a twin. 2021. I love when you guys start this way. It's so cute. I'm a 2021 Lives Girl. It's an IG Lives Girl. Love to see it. I did your workouts on a yoga mat before between my couch and my radiator. I watched dude supervised from the mat, like a little manager. Rest in power. Oh. It's hard for me to like even look at pictures of him still. I get it's really hard. I've been here since the I've been here since the bird, uh, since the red walls era. They were they were like kind of red. They looked like they were more, they look like a what do you call those pots? Terracotta pot. The color was like terracotta or something. I think it was called like red dust or something. But anyway, so and then I changed it halfway through so people got to see the update. So I'm going to confess something and I need you not to make it weird. And then in parentheses, make it weird. When my boyfriend does something that bothers me, I don't say anything in the moment. I file it. Like I have a little mental filing cabinet and I go noted. And I close the drawer. Okay. I think I genuinely believe I'm being chill, like I'm choosing peace. Question mark, question mark. Except then something small happens. Like last time he left one Tupperware lid in the sink. See where we're going. And the cabinet just open all the drawers at once. And suddenly I'm citing incidents from February with dates and witnesses like I've been preparing a case. Okay, she's an attorney. Which, based on last week's episode, apparently I have he literally said, Where is this coming from? And the honest answer was the cabinet, Brian. It's coming from the cabinet. I changed the name, by the way. Is the filing the problem or is the lid the problem? I can't tell anymore. Sorry, this is long. It's not even that long. I'm hiding in the bathroom at a baby shower. Love to the boys. Ah, we'll love right back to you. And so, first of all, like you know, I got I need to review these emails because otherwise I can't, I don't know where to start or stop. So the 2021 Lives Era, you watched my baby used to come and like hang out on the mat every once in a while. But like generally speaking, he was like sitting on the couch that I had to move across the room, like side-eyeing me because he hated the sound. Or at the time, I also used to let him climb up into the closet and he would hide. But oh, rest in power to dude. He was the best supervisor I ever had. So you bet you were in the trenches with me because we had a lot of difficulty during those days. We are, dude, I had to become a videographer, a sound technician, a team manager, trainer, uh all just from my apartment. And, you know, weird times. But okay, so the cabinet. Brian, it's coming from the cabinet girl. But but I think I need to tell you something about the filing, and I'm gonna hold your hand when I say this. Okay. Filing isn't peace. Filing is like your it's like your um, what do they call that? When you're at Kmart and you want to like use it's like it's deferred billing. You know, it's like Klarna. Every time you go noted and close the drawer, you're like not, you don't even let it go. You're just like um, you're making like a payment on it. Or you're like invoicing him for something. So you know, and then at the thing is that then these invoices they accrue interest because you know, when then Brian leaves a lid in the sink and he thinks he's like being, you know, yelled at for the lid, he's being yelled at for February. And so, like, you know, he has to go in there and girl, that invoice is so long by that point. Like, he's like, I you got you emptied my bank account. So, you know, no wonder he says, like, where is this coming from? Because I don't think you were sending him like monthly statements, you know, like weekly statements, or just like covering it when it happened, you know. So, you know, the the filing is the problem, or is the lid the problem? I think let's see, the I don't think it's either one, if I'm being honest with you. Like the drawers are the problem, the cabinet's fine. Like, noticing things is totally fine. You're not you don't have to like you know have beef with him every single time there's like a micro thing that happens in real life, because that would be literally exhausting. That's literally for a different podcast, but you know there's a different the problem is in the drawers only open under pressure. So I think what you need to do is like once a week on a calm day, no, no, no extra lid or whatever in the sink, you know, you open like one of those drawers like on purpose and say, hey, small thing from Tuesday is not a big deal, but I just wanted to like mention it so that it didn't like sit. And that's it. You like you take the file out of the drawer and it's like you you do it in a neat, timely fashion. You just figure it's one little thing and it doesn't have to explode into you know big other things. So like whenever, you know, God, what's a good example? Like, you know, something I uh what's a good example? Like if somebody's talking and or talking a lot or and they talk over you, and you might just say, like, hey, can I have the floor for a sec? And and then you just like don't, it doesn't add up. You just deal with it in the second, and they and then I think that it makes it better for them to get small bits, and I think that's actually what gives you peace instead of like bringing everything up at one time. Who the I don't know what I'm talking about. I like listen, I'm I'm not equipped to I'm not equipped to give anybody any advice. By the way, I hope you all know that. And here we go. This next episode, no episode, this next email says, Hi Dino, I found you at the designer sample sale. Stop it. I came for the shoes, and somehow they said this guy owns a studio and has a podcast, and now here we are. So mine is the reverse of what I think you're gonna get today. I'm excited to hear that. I'm not the one who piles everything into the fight he is. But he does it like a defense move. So I'll bring one up one thing, one thing calmly, and say, Hey, it hurt my feelings when you were on your phone all dinner. And instead of just saying sorry, he goes, Well, you were on your phone at Sarah's thing. And also, you were never asked how my presentation went. Oh, and by the way, your tone right now, and suddenly I'm defending myself in a fight. I started about my feelings. Mm-hmm. I get it. I get it. I see where you're going. And I came in with one item and I left with a cart full of his returns. Love all the imagery you guys. You guys are like literal poets. Every time I raise something, I end up apologizing. Wait, is that the mental gymnastics episode? I am I in both episodes. Dino, am I in both episodes? Anyway, kiss the cats. It is a little bit of both, babe. I think it's giving both. So anyway, the sample sale. That's so, that's so great. That was that was something that we did that was super cute. And I love the fact that through one person's customer, another person, you know, there's a ton to go around. So love, love, love, love, love. And please tell the shoes that I say hi. The cats also say hi. And but so I know you're feeling like a two two episode girl, and that's okay, because you know, when what you described is the kitchen sink fight, think like used as a shield. Like you walk in with one thing and it might hurt that person's feelings. Even if it's said calmly, you know, like if you got like a gold star, you know, five star approach, you said it it was so gentle. But instead of receiving it, the it he floods the room, you know what I mean? You're it all of a sudden your phone at Sarah's thing and the presentation, and uh especially like your tone now. And so that's like three different things. And it's Dawson's so fast that you're just like, what? And I I think you should name the thing that's happening because it's sneaky, you know, it doesn't change the it doesn't just change the subject, it puts you on trial in a case that you were like, hey, I brought I'm I brought this up. So you came in as the plaintiff and you left as the defendant. Did I do that right? Plaintiff, yeah. So you, you know, the line I would use is like, you know, it feels like we can absolutely talk about all that after we've just finished this one thing. Like right now, it's just this one. And that's it. You don't have to fight about all the stuff. You don't have to like talk about Sarah's thing right now. And you know, you instead of putting the one thing you want to talk about on the back burner, you say it as many times as you need to. It's like, hey, just just right now, just this one thing. Because, you know, the other stuff, like the presentation thing and like Sarah's whatever, it might be real things that need to be discussed too. But I think that if it's the go-to defense mechanism, maybe your presentation is irritating. I don't know. But you know, if you feel like this happens like every single time, I think you, you know, and you can't get your feeling never reaches like what it needs to, like that thing you want to talk about, like never actually gets spoken about. And so that thing keeps coming back up again. I don't I don't think it's a good communication style. And you should be able to like just finish one topic, just one, you know, and I don't think that that's asking too much, and I also think that it helps to organize the discussion anyway. And sometimes, you know, the thing about navigating difficult conversations is like we don't people don't necessarily like teach you how to do it. So, you know, how you supposed to know? Okay, this next email says, Dear Dino, my daughter plays your program in the car when she drives me to my appointment. Not my program, that's so cute. In the car when she drives me to my appointments, and I have become invested. Well, thank you so much. I'm so grateful that you're here. 68 years old, and I have been married to 40 for 41 years. So I feel qualified to contribute. I this is gonna be so good, everybody. Make sure you're listening. My husband and I do not fight about the dishwasher. We fight about the GPS. Okay. I will tell him the exit is coming and he will say, I know this road road. But he does not know this road. And by the time we are turned around in a gas station parking lot, we are somehow discussing his mother's opinion of me from 1987 and the boat he bought without asking me in 1996. Okay. The boat comes up in every time, and the boat has not existed since 2004. Oh my gosh. I can't do the over and over and over and over and over and over the same thing. Oh my goodness. My question, and if I have one, is this does the fight ever retire? We are retired. Touche. And the argument has not been. So warm regards to you and your cats, whom my daughter, not whom, whom my daughter has shown me pictures of. The large one is very handsome. Oh my goodness. He's like 17 pounds now. Well, they listen. So grateful that you're invested and that your daughter plays the program in the car. So please tell her I said hello. She's doing holy work. Just please drive safely. And I'll make sure to tell Vito that you think he's he's handsome. But listen, it's gonna go to his head. He's an insufferable teenager right now. Okay, so the I know this road. And he does not know that road. I mean, I've read thousands of emails over the years, and like hundreds at least on this show, too. From, you know, back in the day, this is how you know we got stories out to our friends. The the the thing about it is like the boat's not existed since 2004 might be like the greatest sentence I've ever gotten on the show because it it's it's the boat. The boat's been gone for 22 years. To do that right, 23, 22 years, and it still has like a speaking role in your fight. Like the boat has outlived itself, girl. It's not a boat anymore, it's literally a monument, it's a ghost ship. And you know, I think you uh really delivered it in four senses with like such proper pronunciation or yeah, punctuation, not pronunciation. Okay. I'm put that one in the file too. The fight outlives the objects. The boat sank. The fight about the boat is doing 41 years strong. Because it was never about the boat. I think it was about being consulted. You know, he bought a boat without asking. That would have made me mad. And somewhere I feel like in there you were just like, Can I get a freaking say and what happened? Like you, so you never, you know, and it just keeps boarding every fight because it's like it hasn't ever been, you know, it hasn't ever been fully discussed. And does the fight retire? Honestly, I'm gonna say something that's gonna make everybody mad. I'm gonna hold, I'm gonna hold all your hands. No, it doesn't. And but here's the good news. I feel like if after 41 years, you know that dance so well that you know exactly how it goes. And literally next time you turn around in a parking lot and one of you goes, Ah, we're are we doing the boat? Are we talking about the boat? Because a fight you can name is a fight you can like giggle at and kick your feet at, giggle and kick your feet at. And I think when you can laugh about an argument, like the the meat, the the the meat of it is like kind of gone then. And you know, you can giggle and you don't have to solve it because it's like, girl, it was 1996. I was 16. You just have to let the boat dock, you know, and maybe one evening there's you know, no GPS in sight. Ask him if he has like a recollection of like why he wanted that boat so bad and like why, you know, that conversation is maybe softer than like, why didn't you ever tell me about it? So I don't know. Give it a shot, let me know what you think. And and warm regards back to you. I hope you'll write again. I kind of want to know what Gerald's side of the story is. Like, you know what I mean? Anywho, okay. This one says, Dino. Hello from one of the gays. Oh, hello. My boyfriend and I just had our first big fight, and I need to file it with the authorities. Oh, please do. I love that I'm the authorities. Let's go. Ow. Let's go. You know what? I want to know who started that. The let's go. It feels very bro. Anyway, off trap, off topic, tropic. It started because he loads the dishwasher like a raccoon. Said nobody ever before, but okay. He says the bowls are face up. It's collecting little pools of weird water. And I said something extremely calm and normal, like, babe, the bowls and they go the other way. And he said, Not everyone grew up in a museum. And then suddenly it was about how I correct him in front of our friends and how my best friend doesn't like him. She doesn't, but he wasn't supposed to know that. Oh, oh, oh, he better not be listening, girl. And how I replaced the shower gel without asking, which is an upgrade, by the way. And by the end, we were somehow fighting about whether we were moving too fast. We live together and the lease is signed, girl. It's fine now. He apologized with a little cake because we're cute. But I keep replaying it and we were never fighting about the dishwasher. Or does he think that I think he's not good enough? Because the shower gel came up, brought up a lot of feeling. And it hit different in the replay. Okay, love you by kiss veto on his giant head. Well, I'm happy to have one of the gays because I feel like there's like three of you that listen. So I'm happy that I'm happy that you wrote in. And listen, we're reporting to the authorities. I'm on the case. I want to be a detective, but I don't want to be a police officer. So this is like me. I'm like, put me on the case. Give me his name, I'll give you all the details. But so okay, the raccoon emptying or loading the dishwasher is just pure gold. The bowls facing up is, I think, okay. I've seen those pools before. I, you know, sometimes a bowl will get flipped over or whatever. And you and you're right about the bowls because they do fill up with water. And it's I definitely don't want to just empty that bowl out and then eat off of it. But and we're gonna put that on the record, because the bowl thing is valid, but the bowls are not why I'm here, I don't think, because uh well, because of really one sentence, and I think you know which one it was because I think it's the one because it hit different in the replay. That not everyone grew up in a museum. And that's not like a I don't think that's like a con comeback. That's like a confession. Like so I think he told you the whole fight in a couple words, because that's what I think that's what that actually says. It says, when you correct me, I don't hear the bulls go face down. I hear you weren't raised right. Like you weren't ready to have, you weren't naturally belonging to a nice life. And I have to fix you to keep you. And then look at this list correcting him in front of his friends, the best friend who doesn't like him, the shower gel, you upgrade it without asking. It's like, it's not really a random pile. It's like every kind of thing on that list is like, does he think I'm not good enough as I came? And the shower gel came with a little bit of feeling because I to you, because it was an upgrade to him, it was a review of a product that he didn't know he was being rated on. And the moving to thing, fast thing at the end, it wasn't about the the moving in together. I think it was like him just doing like a quick vibe check to you know, uh checking if uh the exits still exist in case he, you know, he fails the inspection uh the next time. So I I hope this isn't coming across too mean, but so here's what I think you do. And the cake tells me that he he'll meet you halfway, which because a guy who do that is trying. So, you know, one night when there's like no dishwasher bowls inside, I you know, I think you say, like, I don't correct you because you're not enough. I I correct bowls because I'm in suffering. And those are two different departments. And then he and I think the part important part, let him keep some things his way. Let a bowl be upside down, run it through again. Like, let the man have his original, you know, shower gel that is used for five different things at one time, you know. Let him keep some part of his personality. And, you know, and they sit side by side, both of them, you know, like the before and after. The before is like still loved. And girl, tell your best friend to fix her face at dinner because she doesn't have to like him. And she's not, but she's like leaking out her hate for him, and he caught it. And that leak is like feeding that whole thing where I'm not good enough. So just you know, protect your man. Okay, so that's it for these emails. That was a that was an episode, girl. Look, I think we figured some stuff out together because you know, you we I think we worked a couple things out. I really want to hear back from some of you. And the next time that one of these things happens, and you're at like the six different topic that came out about it, a fight that started about a lid that you left in the sink. Take a second, ask yourself like, what are they protecting? Like, what is the underlying interest? Because the fight is never about the the thing, it's about the other thing. The underneath thing and the thing under the thing is almost always some version of like, do you see me or like do you hear me? Do I get a say? Am I enough? And it's like those four basic human needs are usually the things that it all comes down to. So, anyway, keep the emails going. I am so in awe of you taking the time and sending these stories in. Because without the emails, you guys know that this is not a podcast. So keep them coming. Remember, you send all of your emails to IHearYubabepod at gmail.com. Everything's anonymous always. You're not going to get clocked on my time. And you know that I love you. I love you real bad. This has been I Hear You Babe, and I will talk to you guys next week. Bye.