Why Cleaning Out Your Closet Doesn't Make Getting Dressed Easier

Springtime pulls most of us into our closets. The urge to clear things out, start fresh, make some decisions about what stays and what goes. You pull out the donation bags, try things on, do the work. And a few months later, you're still struggling with the same things.

A closet clean out feels like a logical first step. And it can be part of the process. But when it's the first step, it almost always skips what's underneath. The beliefs and subconscious rules that created your closet in the first place are still running the show.

In this episode of The Visibility Shift, I'm making the case for slowing down before you ever touch a hanger. I walk through why closet clean outs fail, the belief-and-fear framework I use with every client before we do anything else, and how to use my free Style Mindset Reset to start seeing what's actually been driving your decisions.

3:38 – What’s running in the background subconsciously as you go through a closet edit

8:44 – The real reason why closet edits ultimately fail

11:39 – The framework I use that reveals why your actions might be leading to style self-sabotage

14:14 – Two types of external messages that dictate what you feel "allowed" to wear

18:30 – How the Style Mindset Reset guide will help you see what’s driving your decisions

20:38 – Why closet edits and shopping halls leave you unsatisfied with the results

23:09 – The input that determines the quality of your style output

Mentioned In Why Cleaning Out Your Closet Doesn't Make Getting Dressed Easier

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Transcript

Ellie Steinbrink: Welcome to The Visibility Shift, the podcast where style becomes your most powerful strategy for being seen, standing out and leading boldly. I'm Ellie Steinbrink, stylist and personal brand coach. And if you've ever thought, my style just isn't working anymore, take this as your sign. You're ready for your next level. And instead of launching into a panicked shopping spree, what you really need is a strategy. A style strategy that reflects where you're headed, not who you used to be, or who you think you need to be, to fit in. Because when your style aligns with your brand and your vision, everything shifts. You lead with more presence, you attract the right opportunities and clients and you fully step into the woman you're becoming. Because showing up as yourself, that's the most strategic thing you can do. 

Now, let's get visible. Welcome back to another episode of The Visibility Shift. Well, the weather finally is starting to feel like spring here, in Omaha and I got in the mood to do a closet clean out, which I actually do a couple times a year, but the season change always motivates that. Last week there was a 90 degree day and I was pulling out my shorts and packing away my really heavy sweaters, although right now it's back to being cold again, so I got to be careful with this transition. But I've had a lot of women telling me that they're doing the same thing right now. So clearly, tis the season. 

Really, springtime is a time that I find myself wanting to release and to start again, to renew, to plant new seeds, to embrace growth. And I think that's why I feel drawn to it. These closet cleanouts or closet edits, I actually like to call them closet detoxes, because it feels like a detox. But it's more than just clearing physical space, isn't it? Although that's definitely a great bonus. Really, what is so cathartic about it is that it's releasing what no longer serves you, so that there's room for new and better things to grow. 

What actually sparked today's episode, though, is that I was recently talking to a woman who was asking me about my style services. And after we had been talking a bit, she said, you know, I really want to do a closet edit first. And I hear this from women all the time. I've also had women say, you know, I think before I get started shopping, I just kind of want to do an assessment of what's in my closet and see what's in there. Now, let me be really clear here. A closet edit is not a bad thing. And I'm going to use these terms, closet edit, closet clean out, closet detox, basically cleaning out your closet. I'm going to use those terms interchangeably here. It is not a bad thing. It's just usually the timing of the closet edit is happening in the wrong order, because it's often the first step. Like if you, a lot of stylists that I've seen in their processes, this is the first step, the closet clean out. What I've learned, over the years, is that there's another critical step that needs to happen before you ever step into your closet to take on this kind of an exercise. And while this idea of a closet clean out, seems like a logical first step on the surface, the reality is that it often doesn't get most women the results they're actually hoping for. 

So let's talk about what usually happens during a closet clean out. Okay. I mean, it seems pretty simple, but let's kind of bring ourselves through that process. The goal is to go through all your clothes or maybe take it a section at a time. Maybe, I mean, a lot of, if I were doing a closet edit, I would recommend that you try everything on. And as you're going, you're constantly assessing like, do I keep this or do I not? And hopefully you're tossing out things that no longer fit. You're making piles for donations. You're kind of doing a gut check on what feels right to keep and what's ready to let go. And whether you realize it or not, you're also dealing with identity questions. And this is all kind of happening under the surface. But as you're doing this questions like, who am I? Is this still me? Or is this the old me? Is this the new version? Is this the next level version? All of that's kind of going on in the background. But one thing's for certain, there are a lot of decisions being made, in that closet clean out. And not all of them are cut and dry. In fact, I've found that closet clean outs are often very emotional. 

I once wrote a blog post about the three things that are hanging out in your closet and it's definitely not just clutter. And this was based on a quote from Eleanor Brown that said, you're not just clearing out physical stuff, you're clearing out old ideas, toxic relationships and bad habits. And honestly, that couldn't be more true. Closets are not neutral spaces. They're emotional, which is exactly why we can't just apply logic alone as we're approaching this task. When you think about decision-making, you have to understand where you're making decisions from, what internal compass you're using. This is actually something I'm consistently working on, in my own therapy sessions, why we make the decisions we do, why we react the way we do, why we get triggered about seemingly simple or non-emotional things. There are a lot of reasons behind our decisions, but so often it comes down to deeply held beliefs. And those beliefs guide our decisions, our actions and even our emotions. And I know you all know this is true. I mean, if you've been to one or two therapy sessions, I mean, you know this, right? 

But when you're standing in your closet deciding whether a dress should stay or go, what filter are you using at that moment? Does your filter say, this dress is black and it makes me look slim, so it stays? Or everyone needs a black dress in their closet, so I'm going to keep it, even though I don't really like it. Or you might say, you know, it's not the greatest, but it works. So, you know, I guess it's just going to stay. Or let's say you're looking at a Navy-coordinated suit from your corporate days and now that you're running your own business, or you're a speaker, or you're an entrepreneur. And you know very well that the dress code rules that applied in your corporate world, no longer exist, now that you're running your own business and doing your own thing. But those rules were ingrained in you for so long, you don't even question whether they still apply. 

So you're standing there looking at this suit and think, this doesn't feel like me anymore. It feels a little bit stuffy, feels like the old me. But I probably do look really credible in it and it might be a way, in which my clients will take me more seriously, or if I need to show up and speak, or I need to be on camera, maybe it'll come in handy. So guess what? It stays. But should it? What if instead of assuming that wearing a suit makes you more professional, makes you more credible, you actually questioned that belief? What would happen if you didn't wear a suit to a client meeting? Would they really not want to work with you, because you're not wearing a suit? Would they think you're a fraud? Would they think, you know, you're a fake? Would they not take you seriously? 

I know this sounds dramatic to talk this out, but these are real conversations happening, in our heads, as we decide what's quote unquote allowed to stay in our closet. Or rather, it's what's subconsciously running in the background without us even realizing, because oftentimes these beliefs are so deep and ingrained, we don't even realize they're running the show. Even though you've shifted, like in this example of leaving corporate and now running your own thing or becoming a keynote speaker, you feel different. You feel empowered. It feels like you're in a more grounded, empowered place to do a closet clean out. The truth is that we can't make different decisions until our core beliefs shift as well. 

In today's episode, I want to give you the real reason why closet edits fail. Or maybe they feel like they work for a while, but months down the road, you're still struggling with what's in your closet. So imagine for a second that I did do closet edits. I don't, but let's just pretend that I did, okay? So we would schedule a date and before we scheduled this date, we would have met for maybe 30 or 60 minutes on the phone, on a Zoom call, talking about your style goals, talking about what you would want from your closet. So I arrive at your house on the date, you're energized, you're ready to go, you're hydrated, we're both hydrated, we've got snacks. And we start going piece by piece and I ask, you know, does this feel like it fits the vision of the woman you're becoming? And you say, well, no, not really. But, you know, it is really nice, when I go for speaking gigs, or when I'm in client meetings, because it's easy to pack and it just works with all the backgrounds of where I'm going to be speaking. 

And in that moment inside your closet, when we have a limited time to go through this massive amount of pieces in your closet, there isn't the time or space to fully unpack a new way of thinking. That's not the place to dig into, why do you believe you have to wear that to be taken seriously? When did that belief form? Does it still apply to your world now? No, because we're on a task. We need to get through sometimes hundreds of pieces of clothing. We can't stop at every piece and have these deep conversations. Those kinds of questions take time. They take time to sink in. And when you're trying to be productive and decisive, belief work and action are at opposite ends of the spectrum. So same thing with this example. Okay, you have a sheath dress that you always wear on stage. It's really, you know, like think M.M. Lafleur, like the perfect little sheath dress. It's polished, it's professional. It's in a neutral color. It works with every background imaginable. It works with your mic pack. It makes you feel like, you know, you're slim. It photographs well from every angle. Do you really love it? Well, maybe not really, but it's good enough. It does the job. It's easy to pack. It's low maintenance. And honestly, you like that it doesn't draw that much attention to you. 

In this situation, the real work isn't deciding whether the dress stays or goes. The real work is questioning, do we have to wear neutrals to blend into every stage and to match every background? Or is good enough actually good enough anymore, when you're trying to build a personal brand? And what is this behind not wanting to take up space or be fully seen? What is up with that? So this is why, before I ever start shopping with a client, we do some foundational work and it takes about a month. And one of the exercises that I walk them through completely changes everything. It's a framework I teach in all of my group and one-to-one programs and it goes something like this. And by the way, this framework is not my own. 

I honestly don't know who it was originally attributed to, but it goes something like this. We have our beliefs, which I'll talk about that in a minute. Well, we identify our beliefs. All of our beliefs are tied to fear. So we name the fear that's tied to that belief. That's rooted in that belief and then out of that fear space and out of those beliefs, we take action which often leads to self-sabotage. The whole idea of this framework is to understand why we act or behave the way we do, so get to the root, why? What motivates those actions? What I've learned not only in working with my clients but in my own personal life is that nothing truly changes until you change and more specifically, until your beliefs change. And this is the framework that will help reveal what your core beliefs are telling you. And by the way, if you want to follow along, this is actually an exercise that I have available in a free download called “The Style Mindset Reset”. And you can find that linked in the notes below. So I would encourage you to go download it, because this is work that just, it takes a little bit of time to sit with and think about. So go find that in the show notes and think about it now, but then definitely later and go sit and spend some more time with it. 

But a dear friend of mine who's also a women's leadership coach ,once told me that the ways in which we upper limit ourselves, have you heard that term like “upper limit ourselves”, where we like… we want to expand into a new realm for ourselves, but then there's always something that kind of like stops us and makes us revert back into old habits, the ways in which we upper limit ourselves and thus undermine ourselves and conform to others' expectations, are primarily subconscious. Which means, if we want to make change, we have to make the unconscious or subconscious conscious. We have to become aware. So let's start with these beliefs. Okay, where do these beliefs come from? 

I'm just going to give you a couple examples and this will also be in the guide. There's really two big areas that I cover when I'm working with clients. The first big area is beliefs that have come from our culture or from patriarchy. And this sounds like women should wear or should look like this. Women need to be feminine. Beautiful is a certain size. You need to have money to have style or to look good. The thinner you are, the more successful you are. Or I've heard other messages culturally like it's not appropriate for women to stand out and have voices. There's also other things, like style is completely frivolous, what really matters is my personality. OK, so as you can see, like there's examples across the board, every which way. And this is why when you go through this, you're going to find that there's a lot of examples that come up. 

There's also another big category that I call familial or everybody messages. So this is something like, my mom always said I should never wear this. My mom said to be modest. My mom said to be quiet and humble. Work culture norms come into this. So this is like an everybody thing, like everybody at my work dresses this way, or everybody in my industry shows up this way, or everybody at my level of leadership, like in the C-suite, this is what we look like. But there are also things like, I'm a mom and you know, once you become a mom, you no longer can wear this or that. Or when I hit a certain age, it's like all these different pieces of clothing no longer are acceptable. Like this is what women in their 30s wear. And then when you're in your 40s, this is acceptable. And then as we get 50s and beyond, like you definitely don't wear short shorts and you can't show your cleavage and on and on and on. 

OK, so as you can see, like there are a lot of messages here that form beliefs, whether we realize it or not. And these beliefs create fears, or what I call expensive thoughts. So example, what if your belief is that you're a keynote speaker and you're like, well, I'm looking around at all these other established keynote speakers and it seems like they've figured some stuff out. So I really feel like I need to dress like what I'm seeing around me, in order to be successful, as well. Well, what's the fear behind that? The fear is that if I don't follow suit with what I see from all these other respected established speakers, maybe I won't be respected. Maybe I won't be taken seriously. Maybe I won't be seen as a credible speaker as well. And then if we take this a step further, we've got the belief, which is rooted in a fear. Then what happens with those as our foundation, is that it affects our decisions and our actions, which ultimately leads to self-sabotage. So in this example, the way in which you might self-sabotage is like, it doesn't really matter what I like or what I think about how I should dress, but I am just going to do whatever I need to do to blend in. 

So here's another example of using that same framework of belief, fear and self-sabotage. Okay, what if your belief is that I can only be beautiful at a certain size? So the fear is that if I'm not at that size, I'm not worthy of feeling confident and I don't deserve to shop for myself. I see this all the time. And the way in which then we self-sabotage through our actions, is that I put off buying clothes, or I buy clothes that sort of hide my body, or I punish my body, until I earn the right to look good and to earn the right to feel good. Do you see how this works? Do you see how some of these beliefs, when we go back to the examples I wrote in the belief, they seem sort of harmless. But when you put it in this framework, you can see how your closet came to be the way it came to be, honestly, and how you've limited yourself over time, because of all these different rules and expectations that we're abiding by, whether consciously or unconsciously. 

As a next step, if you're curious about this, I would really encourage you to download that Style Mindset Reset Guide. It will help you see what's driving your decisions. And it's going to walk you through naming, you know, brainstorming beliefs from those categories, I mentioned above. And then you're going to name what you feel like is the number one most strongly held belief. Like the one when you write it down, you're like, yeah, I can see how this is affecting my decisions. And then you're going to identify the fear that comes up, when you think about doing the opposite of that belief. So let's say your belief is, I need to wear a blazer to look professional. Well, what fear comes up, if you imagine yourself, going up, in front of an audience. or getting on camera without that blazer? That's another way to think about it. And then you're going to write out, when I'm in this so firmly rooted in this belief, What actions do I take? And that can, it can be like when I have this belief and then I go try to shop for myself online or in a store, it prevents me from like even looking at other options, because I'm so convinced by this belief that that's not even something I should entertain. 

I'm telling you this awareness is everything, because once you see it, you can change it. And I just want to reiterate and normalize something here that if you go and do this guide, go through this exercise, you will discover there are a lot of rules guiding how you dress, or how you feel about your body, or how you should show up as a female, as a leader, as a speaker, as an entrepreneur. That is incredibly common. When I do this exercise with my clients, this isn't like three rules that come up it's like 20. So prepare yourself for that. The goal is not to do this exercise and to feel overwhelmed by how many rules are driving your decisions. That may be how you feel initially. The goal is actually to be grateful that now you can see what's been running the show, so that you can actually make real change. 

Getting back to closet edits here, the reality is that we live in a culture that loves quick fixes, no matter what topic we're looking at. Like everybody just wants the thing that's going to solve their problem. They want it done right now, because we're impatient and it's just, you know, we want it now. And closet edits, they can feel like a quick fix. Shopping halls, they can feel like a quick fix. We want answers to our problems and we want them fast. But in reality, many of these quick fixes are missing a step or two that explain why you ultimately aren't satisfied with your results. It is so common for women to come to me and they have tried many of these things. They've hired stylists for closet edits. They've tried to edit it on their own. They've tried subscription boxes. They've gone to department stores and used their stylist there or other retailers. And they helped a little. And I will not discount that these kinds of experiences and services are not helpful in some shape or form, but they don't last ultimately. And it's why they're still seeking someone to help them with their style problems. 

So when I created my programs, I intentionally didn't skip the steps that I know are transformational. They are intentionally slower. In fact, my signature standout style Kickstarter program is a three month long service. And the first month, one third of our time, is dedicated to this foundational work, where we're working on your style mindset, which is what we're talking about today. We're working on getting a clear vision of what you want for yourself that's rooted in self-trust, not others. We're learning about your body. We're peeling back the expectations and the shoulds to discover what you actually like. This work is required. I refuse to work with someone unless they go through this process. It's not like an optional, sure, I don't really want to, you know, do that part now. Only after we do that work, women will go and clean out their closets. And when they do, it's faster, it's easier and it's far less emotional. They are so much more decisive. They can even do it on their own, because the internal work is done and the clarity is there. 

I will tell you that this way of approaching style is not sexy. It is not sexy and it is hard to compete with others out there that are flashing around these quick solutions to your problems, but I will tell you that it works. In closing today, if you're feeling a little frustrated or overwhelmed, maybe you've been down the road of doing a closet edit, or you're in the process of considering it and now you're feeling frustrated or mad that you went down that road. I don't want you to… I don't want you to think that. 

Remember this, you're not the problem and maybe the stylist you hired wasn't even the problem. The problem here to be looked at is your beliefs. You're only as solid as your beliefs. I'm actually seeing this right now, working with a functional dietician. And you know, it's so simple. This concept is so simple. What we feed our bodies determines the output. So obvious, right? So simple. And yet we don't often apply that same philosophy to style. But yet it rings true, except the input is not quality, high quality food. The input is your beliefs. I love that James Clear quote that says, you do not rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems. And in this case, you don't rise to the level of your vision, you fall to the level of your beliefs. Can I just steal that, James? You don't mind, right? 

Listen, if this episode resonated, if you found yourself nodding or recognizing some of your own patterns, I want you to know this. You aren't wrong for starting to clean out your closet and even if you hired someone to help you, that wasn't completely wasted time or money. But to take this a step further towards your goals, what will help is slowing down enough, to understand what's actually driving your decisions. That's exactly why I created the Mindset Reset download. Go download it. Go spend some time with it. Go get curious about those beliefs that you're operating from, the fears that are attached to them and the ways that they might be really sneakily holding you back. And if you're someone who's really kind of now itching for something a little bit bigger as a result, if you're ready to show up differently, if you're ready to make some serious change in your closet that allows you to show up in a more aligned, powerful way. 

That's the work I do inside my programs. Right now, I'm opening spots for the summer and fall with my standout style Kickstarter program. If you're interested in that, I would love to have you join me. And this program was specifically and intentionally designed to slow it down, so that transformation sticks. And it was also built specifically with personal brands in mind, as well as highly visible female leaders. You see, the secret is starting with the foundation, with the learning, with the mindset. And everything else, the style and the outfits become so much easier from there. So there'll be a link in the show notes if you're interested in that program. 

And as always, I'll be over here cheering you on, as you continue to make these baby steps, as you continue to expand your awareness of all that is driving your decisions in your closet. And with that, I'll see you in the next episode. 

Thanks for joining me on The Visibility Shift. If something in today's episode made you pause, rethink, or gave you permission to stop playing small, it would mean so much to me if you'd leave a review at ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift. 

Let's make it visible.