Ellie Steinbrink: Welcome to The Visibility Shift, the podcast where style becomes your most powerful strategy for being seen, standing out and leading boldly. I'm Ellie Steinbrink, stylist and personal brand coach. And if you've ever thought, my style just isn't working anymore, take this as your sign. You're ready for your next level. And instead of launching into a panicked shopping spree, what you really need is a strategy. A style strategy that reflects where you're headed, not who you used to be, or who you think you need to be to fit in. Because when your style aligns with your brand and your vision, everything shifts. You lead with more presence, you attract the right opportunities and clients and you fully step into the woman you're becoming. Because showing up as yourself, that's the most strategic thing you can do.
Now, let's get visible. Welcome back to another episode of The Visibility Shift. This week, I went shopping and I'm always amazed at what a comical experience it is. From the standpoint of sizing alone, in one store, I couldn't pull a pair of pants over my thigh, which was my typical size, by the way. And in the next store, my usual size was incredibly enormous. I know sizing is all over the place and I've let it sink in, this reminder, I often say to myself that your body isn't the problem, the clothes are the problem. I've said that to myself enough and I believe it, that the sizing doesn't bother me like it used to. But what was the most difficult part to deal with, is the emotions that come with thinking you are on track with your health and your body one day and the next day you find yourself tanking, because you saw your body in a mirror in a changing room and it looked nothing like you thought it did. Cellulite on full display, your belly is softer than it used to be, things are just different proportions than it used to be and you wonder, how did I get here? I don't even recognize myself. And this I find is true, even if your size technically hasn't changed, your body just looks different now, or at least that's what I've found in midlife. And if you're like me, this is incredibly difficult to deal with, from an emotional standpoint.
There are days when it doesn't bother me, and then there are days when it definitely gets the best of me. And on those days, when I let it seep into my psyche, I find myself tanking, wanting to scrap my whole health and nutrition plan, convinced I'm doing something wrong, convinced I need to whip myself back into shape, convinced I need change and I need it now. That was the old me for sure, but she sneaks in from time to time, as she thinks she's doing something good for me, keeping me on track. And that old me went a little bit something like this. When I saw something I didn't like, I made the decision that you need to suffer. So that meant no sugar, no treats, no nighttime snacking, no alcohol, more workouts, harder workouts, no rest. Basically, I punished myself, because what I saw in the mirror wasn't what I thought was right or perfect. And it worked for a really long time. My body responded. Well, not anymore. I learned pretty quickly through perimenopause that a whole new approach was needed. And over the last couple years, I've been on a journey to change my health, change my nutrition plan. And I know for a fact, I have proof that I'm feeling better. My blood results have changed and are on track. That changing my health has changed how I feel in very real ways. And it's hard to deny that I'm on the right path. I know I'm on the right path. My irrational brain knows that, but my body doesn't always match what I think it should look like.
That's because the image of what I think or even you think, your body should look like, doesn't match reality sometimes. A healthy body in midlife doesn't look like most of the images we see in the media. Yes, even still today when I believe everyone is trying to be more quote unquote natural or to not hide their age or to be more real. And I appreciate this gesture, but it's still not giving me a real life example of what I see in the mirror and what I experience in real life. And I don't know about you, but when I think I'm doing okay and then I see images of what I'm supposed to look like that are often askew. I find myself in comparison mode. I believe I'm doing something wrong. I believe I should abandon ship and do whatever it takes to achieve the body that I see in the media. And I know in my mind this isn't feasible. I'd need a dedicated cook, a nutritionist, a dietician, a trainer, et cetera, to look as perfect as the women I see in the media who are, you know, so-called in their midlife. And then there's the fact that I know I feel better. This is like on the other end of the spectrum, right? I'm sleeping better. My skin is better. My hair and nails are stronger. I have less cravings. I feel strong. I feel agile. I can't deny these facts, but it's funny how easily I'll slide off the cliff, when I don't see what I think should be.
There's that word, should. I should all over myself. I just want to sit in this for a bit. Because I know, well, or at least I assume, you may also be feeling like you're doing everything you can, making changes, especially if you're in midlife. You know, I think there comes a time when we're like, well, this isn't working, so we got to make some changes. And we do, we're making better choices. Doing what you know will help you age, well, not just look a certain way. And as many of us in midlife, have been taught in the past like image was everything and as for health, well, that was optional, as long as you had the perfect body, right? And yet, and yet, when we look in the mirror we can't escape that old patterning that says this isn't good enough you're not doing enough. And I can't tell you how many times I find myself waffling between these two emotions, now that I'm squarely in this paramenopause midlife phase. One part of me says, oh my gosh, you're doing so great, especially on those days when you see those health markers and they're trending in the right direction. And then the other swing of the emotion goes to, I'm not doing enough. And it's like either one of these can hit me at any point. It can even happen within the same day. It is incredibly frustrating and it is a part of life I didn't know I was going to navigate. And now that I'm in it, it's a lot to deal with.
So today, I want to talk about some ways that I deal with these wildly swinging emotions, but on a practical level. I want to talk about how in the moment, like in my shopping trip that I talked about, I recover from the spiral. First of all, I want you to recognize that going into a retail environment will trigger you. Expect it, plan for it, but it doesn't mean anything has gone wrong. Listen, I said it before, sizing is all over the place. Who knows what your size is anymore, because it varies so widely. Mirrors look different from one store to the next. One will make you look extra skinny and the other shows all the bumps and like every flaw. And here again, I'm just going to remind you of this phrase I use so often, your body isn't the problem, the clothes are the problem. And I say this to myself often, when I'm in a retail environment. But secondly, if you are feeling great and you feel like you're on track with your health, like how, just going back to how your body feels. If you feel like, if you feel that way before you walk into a store, don't let a size or a funky mirror take you down.
Remind yourself to tune into this question, how do I feel in my body right now? If I feel great, that is the most important thing. And remember, we've been taught for most of our lives that how we feel doesn't matter, but how you look, boy, that matters. So try as best as you can to lean into how you feel and root yourself there. And I did this earlier this week, when I looked at myself in the mirror and I'm like, whoa, man, I thought I was doing great. And now I don't feel like I'm seeing proof of that work in the mirror. I had to go back to say, Ellie, you've been telling yourself you feel better. You are sleeping better. All these proof and receipts. I had to get myself back to a place to celebrate what you've done to get where you are, instead of letting this one shopping session tear all of that work down. So go into a retail environment prepared and tune into how you feel.
Secondly, what I'm learning is your body changes daily in midlife and you can't measure how you feel based on one day. I've noticed that as I go through perimenopause, it feels like my body changes every day. And it's gotten even worse as I've started HRT, which in the long run, helps me feel better. And I've experienced positives with starting HRT, but I've also experienced pretty wild symptoms as my body is adjusting to the new level of hormones. And there are days where I feel extra bloated. Days where my stomach feels extra soft. Some days I feel like I'm in my first trimester. And then you add in changes to nutrition. You know, I'm having a lot more fiber. You add in strength training. I know I'm gaining muscle and I can see the scale changing as a result of that. I mean, I get on the scale maybe once a year, so I don't use it as my barometer, but you can kind of see your body composition changing, right? And some days you're like, oh, I feel extra strong. And then other days you're like, oh, I don't recognize this body. And I'm trying to recognize that none of these days can define me. My body is working so hard to adjust right now. If I can just give myself some grace and realize this isn't permanent, it helps me chill out a little bit. It helps me be like, okay, nothing has gone wrong. We're on track. Just don't let one day throw you off.
Of course, this requires a lot of patience of which I'm often short on, which maybe you are too. I remind myself this is a process of finding out and discovering what works for my body. There are lots of levers I'm pulling right now and I'm sure you are too. I'm pulling the lever of nutrition, of training, of hormones, of rest and recovery, of so many, you know, supplements, everything. And it's going to take a while for my body to find its happy place. It is worth the effort, just don't give up, because of one bad day. And the last thing I would note here is to learn to listen to your body, instead of fighting it. In the past, as I mentioned, it was very common for me to make drastic measures and completely override how I felt. It didn't matter if I was exhausted, I would push through. I really am trying to lean into slowing down and listening to what my body needs and also give it that time for rest and recovery that sometimes it's just begging me for. Long story short, give yourself grace and don't let one day define how you're doing.
The final thing I'm going to mention here that continually helps me, is one I've mentioned here, but it's worth noting again, is that understanding how to dress your body, based on your body's natural structure is so key. Many women think that their body type changes as they gain or lose weight, but that's really a myth. Your body type is mostly based on your bone structure. So on the days when I'm struggling with feeling bloated or puffy, or I just don't recognize my body, I lean on those silhouettes that I know work best with my natural body shape. And no matter how much you're criticizing your body, this trick always works. I know, because I do it with myself and I've done it time and time again with my clients. Now I don't have time to go into the nitty gritty and all the details of each body type and you know the training that goes along with each of those body types, but it's something that I continue to teach everyone of my clients in the foundational work we do, before we ever start shopping and styling. I believe understanding your body and which silhouettes naturally complement it, is an absolute building block of style that you can't skip over.
And I think it gets misconstrued because the negative part of it would be that you only dress for your body type and you don't ever explore outside of that. But it's a building block often women haven't ever had. And so they try to skip to like something else and more creative dressing. But without that base understanding, it can be really difficult to feel great in your body. For me, any type of fit and flare style is going to work, even on the days when I don't feel my best. That may mean I'm wearing a wider leg pair of pants and a rise that sits at my natural smallest part of my waist, or I'm wearing a skirt that has more of an A-line shape. Always highlighting the waist, whether that's tucking in or adding a belt. And yes, I do that, even when I'm feeling bloated. And then I'm doing something to emphasize my broad shoulders. And the effect is that your waist looks like the narrowest part of your body. And even if I'm not feeling like that at the moment, again, it's like trickery. It's really amazing. It's like magic.
The final thing I'll say before I close is this. As with so many things in my life right now, I'm learning how to create a different relationship with my body. It's not one I was used to. I mean, in the past I would coerce, I would discipline it, I would make it suffer and do what I needed… do what I wanted it to do, but that's not the case anymore. And I'm realizing it was probably never the right relationship anyway and this time of my life is awakening me to that fact. So if you're feeling this way and you're finding yourself fighting with your body, fighting the natural course of things that happens in midlife, just know you're in good company. And know that you're not alone in the swinging of emotions that happens from day to day. The next time you find yourself tanking, whether that's in a dressing room or in your closet, remember this episode. Bookmark it right now, so that in the moments, when you feel yourself spiraling, you can replay it.
Now, I can't promise to fix all of your health and nutrition problems, but I can remind you that we have a different goal now. And that goal is to live better, to live healthier, to decide we aren't going to be taken down by guilt or comparison or feelings of not being enough. Because I know, and have to remind myself often, that those are usually lies. The goal really is to celebrate what we have done, not where we perceive we have failed. The goal is to give yourself grace and keep doing the best you can. The goal is to get back and recommit tomorrow, not scrap the whole plan you've started. If you're anything like me, this whole new mindset is going to take some practice, but I believe it's a practice worth learning. If you find yourself wanting to learn more about how to embrace your body in this new season of life, these are the very things I address head on, in my signature one-on-one service, called the Standout Style Kickstarter Program. This isn't just a weekend haul where you get dressed as someone you don't even recognize. No, this is a transformative experience that helps you make real change from the inside out. This is a process that helps you come back home to yourself and truly love what you see in the mirror as a result of that. To learn more about the program, there's a link in the show notes, or you can also book a discovery call.
But before you go, I just want to reiterate that I'm sending you lots of love. I'm sending you lots of encouragement as you navigate this crazy midlife season that none of us were prepared for. You aren't alone and you can come back to this episode as often as you need to, to remind yourself, what path you're actually on. And with that, I'll see you in the next episode.
Thanks for joining me on The Visibility Shift. If something in today's episode made you pause, rethink, or gave you permission to stop playing small, it would mean so much to me if you'd leave a review at ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift.
Let's make it visible.
