Hope Comes to Visit

The Most Chosen: Miranda Ward on Love, Survival, and Rewriting the Narrative

• Danielle Elliott Smith • Season 1 • Episode 15

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“You were the most chosen.”

These are the words Miranda Ward spoke to her son after he learned he was conceived through sexual assault. In this week’s episode of Hope Comes to Visit, Miranda shares her extraordinary journey from a moment of unthinkable violation to building a life defined by fierce love, protection, and healing.

With courage, strategy, and an unshakable belief in her intuition, Miranda navigated a system that was never designed to protect her — enduring years of legal battles and threats while raising her son as a solo parent. Today, she’s not only created a safe, loving home, but she’s also turned her experience into wisdom as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, helping others understand their own patterns of connection, disconnection, and healing.

This is a story about reclaiming power, reshaping destiny, and proving that love can transcend trauma.

Connect with Miranda via her Therapy Website: The Clarity Group

Thank you for listening to Hope Comes to Visit. If this episode resonated with you, please follow, rate, and share the show — it helps others find their way to these conversations.

New episodes drop every Monday and Friday, so you can begin and end your week with a little light and a lot of hope.

For more stories, reflections, and ways to connect, visit www.DanielleElliottSmith.com or follow along on Instagram @daniellesmithtv and @HopeComestoVisit



Speaker 1:

My son was conceived by sexual assault and I knew the individual. We had had a dating relationship in the past. We no longer did at the time that this event occurred and it was a really traumatic interaction.

Speaker 2:

There are moments in life when everything falls apart and somehow something sacred begins On. Hope Comes to Visit. We share these stories of unraveling and rebuilding, of grief and grace, of finding the light again. I'm Danielle Elliott Smith and I'm so glad you're here. My guest today understands rebuilding and seeking to be a light for others.

Speaker 2:

Miranda Ward is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She focuses her work on couples and engaging through a modality called emotionally focused therapy. Emotionally focused therapy identifies the cycles of connection and disconnection couples and families experience. While her work as a therapist is a large part of her identity, her primary identity is that of being a solo parent to her 17-year-old son. The identity of being a solo parent has led her to the work of systems and cycles within families and culture that impacts all of us on a daily basis. Miranda is the co-owner of a small therapy practice in Grand Rapids, michigan, where her practice focuses primarily on couples and families, on treating individuals through a family systems lens. Let's take a quick moment to thank the people that support and sponsor the podcast. When life takes an unexpected turn, you deserve someone who will stand beside you. St Louis attorney Chris Jolly offers experienced one-on-one legal defense. Call 314-384-4000 or 314-DUI-HELP. Or you can visit DulleyLawFirmcom that's D-U-L-L-E-LawFirmcom for a free consultation. Miranda, I am so excited to have you here. Thank you for taking time with us.

Speaker 1:

Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited to be here and tell a bit of my story.

Speaker 2:

When you first reached out and we were communicating and I was reading through your story, one of the first words that came to mind was brave. I think about so many of the stories that people share, and I am always so impacted by how willing people are to be vulnerable and to offer their opportunity to connect with other people, and my hope is always that the work we're doing here, the stories that we're sharing, meets people where they are, and that there will be someone who's listening, who says that's me. I've been there, I've had that moment, I've been that scared, I've been that lost and I haven't known how to move forward. And my hope is that that's one of the things we're going to do today that people will listen to you and they will feel seen in a way that they haven't before. So, if you're willing, I would love for people to hear your story from you rather than from me.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I appreciate that and you know, when I reached out and thought about sharing this story, I actually I asked my son first, because they said you know, this is part of your story too and I I just really want to be respectful of what that is and, um, he's a really, you know, he's a really kind, sweet young man and he was like mom this is. So. It's such an important story that people need to hear it.

Speaker 2:

I love that and being 17. So I have a 19 and a 21-year-old, and so I recognize that age right. That age is not always sure. Mom tell my story, and I spent time as a mom blogger, and so there was a time when my kids were like tell everything about me, and then a time that they were very clear on do not take my picture. So, oh, take my picture. So, oh, yeah, Right, so his, his willingness to share is is beautiful and vulnerable and brave as well. So, yeah, so yeah.

Speaker 1:

So I kind of started there with him and then was and then felt like, okay, I want to tell this story. I mean, he's 17,. He's going to be 18 in a few months, and so this is a story, too, that I've had a lot of hesitation to share, right, because I want to be protective of him, but I've had to also be really protective of us. So my son was conceived by sexual assault, and I knew the individual. We had had a dating relationship in the past. We no longer did at the time that this event occurred, and and it was a really, it was a really traumatic interaction, right, as for anyone who experiences sexual assault or losing their bodily autonomy.

Speaker 1:

And so when I found that I was pregnant a number of weeks later, I was like I can't do this. I can't risk this person being in our lives, I can't risk what that would look like. I was, oh my gosh, 24, 25 years old. I was just starting my life. I was working as a recreational therapist in residential centers. It was like play oriented therapy, right. And so then I, you know, I called the clinic. I went to a clinic, and part of that process is sitting with a counselor, right. And so I kind of went through, you know, identity stories and I went through what I wanted for my life and I went through this whole conversation with this woman, which was, I think, the work of abortion therapist is really underlooked, right.

Speaker 2:

I it's. It's funny that, as you're talking about that, I'm thinking that is a piece of that, that dialogue that we have now around abortion, pro-life, pro-choice, that people don't consider that we, when we're diminishing women's bodily autonomy, we act as though women just go abortion check box checked Like, sure, give me one, I'll take another. Thanks. As compared to this conscious thought, like the thought process and the ache and the fear and the conversations that go into it, and especially considering what your pregnancy experience was. Yeah, this was not a. Hey, I'd like to have a child with this gentleman. This was not a. I'm married'd like to have a child with this gentleman. This was not a. I'm married and we're trying to conceive.

Speaker 1:

Right, and I think that that was such a pivotal moment. Right when I I went through that conversation, I went I'm going to do this, I'm going to keep this child. There was something in my gut that said, no, this is okay, this is a path I'm going to take, this is a path I'm going to take, and it was. It was a strange pregnancy. It really was. It was, I would say it was just the two of us. At the point I had a little Jack Russell Terrier, so maybe in a way, the three of us, right, right, what was your family support like at the time?

Speaker 2:

So, was there any?

Speaker 1:

So my family, like growing up my family was really complicated. They were really kind of chaotic group of individuals. I had a sister that had had a baby at 15. I had a brother who lived in residential treatment and has spent a lot of his life in incarceration. So there was a lot of family dynamics. And you know, my family just doesn't always do complicated things well. So when I told my parents and always do complicated things well so when I told my parents, you know, my mom was like all babies are blessings and my dad is I'll push you down the stairs if you want. So there was a really right. So okay, so yes, so that kind of really added to this in my mind at this point. I started being that I'm on, I'm on my own.

Speaker 2:

Yeah you are thinking Miranda's like this is a solo journey, Got it. This is a solo journey.

Speaker 1:

In time, my son's father's family learned that I was pregnant and they, the grandmother, started reaching out and really started kind of pressing something. She said we're going to be involved and I told her what had happened. It had been an assault, and I'll never forget the phone conversation with her. She said it doesn't matter, you guys belong to us now. And that was a really terrifying moment for me because I had spoken to an attorney at one point who informed me at that point he lived in New York and she said there was no protection for children of sexual assault or women of sexual assault where a child is conceived in the state of New York. And there still isn't. New York is one of, I think, 12 states that there isn't that protection?

Speaker 2:

You read my mind. That was going to be my next question. So there are states where there is protection, but New York is one of 12 where there is not. Yes, and 12 might not be the accurate number, but it's a smaller number. Isn't it?

Speaker 1:

Okay, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'm surprised that New York is one of the ones that is not.

Speaker 1:

That honestly blew my mind. When I spoke to this attorney, she said if you pursue charges for sexual assault, it might be more dangerous for you. He might go away if you don't pursue charges. And so it was a really like where do I go, what do I do? And so I just and again, I'm mid twenties, right, and I don't have strong family support.

Speaker 2:

I was going to say and you're doing this alone, okay, I'm doing it alone.

Speaker 1:

So I'm just going, okay, I'm just doing this, and the one vision I created, though, was that my son was always going to know that he was loved, that he would know he was loved, no different from a child from any other family. I took pictures of myself, like of my belly, through the pregnancy, and I created a, you know, an adorable nursery, and I had some friends that were like supportive, and we had a baby shower with like a small gathering of us, and so I tried so much to create this normalcy, but it felt like I was living these two stories right. I had the story, like, the trauma of what was happening on one side, and I had the story of mothering starting on the other.

Speaker 2:

How are you taking care of yourself through the traumatic piece of it? Was there anything you were doing in terms of therapy or or seeking to honor that piece of you that had been assaulted? You know that's a great question.

Speaker 1:

I was a huge exerciser at that point. I ran half marathons for fun, and so I continued to run during that time period until about six or seven months, when it felt like there'd be a baby up in my chest and throat when I was running. So, like the self-care, a lot looked like that. Um, I was so like unaware of how therapy worked. Right, and this is 2007, 2008, right, and it just wasn't as talked about as it is now. We did social media, other Facebook Nobody on Facebook or MySpace was going go to therapy.

Speaker 2:

Right, so it wasn't a whole lot of self-care conversation at the time.

Speaker 1:

No, there really wasn't. So, connecting to my son and that attachment was a big thing, spending time with my dog, the work I did, you know, and the group of friends I had was really important, and I did a lot of journaling, a lot of journaling. I enjoy writing. I'm still like a, you know, often writing and so I used a lot for processing and I did a lot of like narrative, future oriented writing. Who did I want to be as a mother? Who did I want my child to see himself? Right? The one thing I often hoped for was that he'd be a critical thinker, that, no matter anything else, he could just think critically, because you can handle anything then, right, yeah, so it was. It was a difficult time, but also it felt really beautiful. I felt I hear women's stories about pregnancy. Some are really difficult and I had a really easy pregnancy, right, and I felt like there was the one gift in this, right, at least I didn't have a very complicated pregnancy. When he was born, it was four hours and that's still kind of how he is. He's like I'm ready to go, I'm doing it now, right, I love it so. So that was difficult, but it was beautiful. It kind of all, like, was this tapestry being woven together? Not every string is the most perfect string, but you find a way to wrap it in with the others right and like all this more big picture. Um, and those first few months with him were fun. They were scary, like I wasn't sleeping. I had saved a lot of money during my um pregnancy. I started just like working overtime and putting money away and so I could take off a longer period of time to be with him and I just I found and I you know I had somebody say to me at that point I'm so glad mothering fits with you and that really hit me. I like that never left me because that's how I felt. I felt like, oh, this hits for me. This, this like really completes a sense of my being and connection to the world. Right, I loved mothering and being with him and he was. He was an easy baby, right, he almost rarely cried and he slept early through the night, like not all the time, but I just remember going oh my gosh, this is so wonderful.

Speaker 1:

Obviously, I got some easier parts to it with a baby, but just the two of us. Right, I found a little daycare provider I could afford and I started a new job that was more nine to five. I was working for the state of New York as a contractor um supporting people with um head injuries, and so I was doing some like internal family work with people. I was going into people's homes and working with them who sustained a disability, and going home in the evening and being with my son and having our little like non-traditional two person family. So I was really trying to make the most of it. But also in this time period my son's father started pressing for more Right. He he would want to come and just take him and have him. My son's father started pressing for more right. He would want to come and just take him and have him right. And that was not a thing.

Speaker 2:

I was like, yeah, people, there are going to be people who are listening to the podcast and not watching you and I. So they did not see my instantaneous head shake the visceral no in all of my body. So no, right. So everything in you says no, thank you, sir. But I'm also hearkening back to you saying you'd had that conversation with his mother where she said you belong to us now and I also had a visceral no to that. So where did things land with him and the family.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so I would hear from his mother pretty often text messages and phone calls. You know there was one thing that had happened right after my son was born. I had like sent her a message a day he was born, said hey, he was born. This is birth weight. Right, I'm trying to still be respectful, going. Maybe I can create something that has some like support for my child. But neutrality Cause, I went. I don't know where my rates are in this. I don't know what I'm allowed to say no to.

Speaker 2:

You are exceptionally generous.

Speaker 1:

Well, the lawyer I had spoken to said essentially, you have no rights in this process. If he wants to pursue something, it doesn't really matter how conception had happened. So I'm keeping this in the back of my head throughout pregnancy and going how do I be gracious? But also, with boundaries, how do I navigate some of this in a way that maybe I can and I'm an optimist maybe I can make this good, maybe I can over-function my way into safety, right, okay, and so I had let her know and she showed up at the hospital and she had asked to hold the baby. I'm like, of course, so she's holding the baby she had brought.

Speaker 1:

It was it was the strangest thing, daniel. She brought an envelope full of cash and she brought some baby clothes. And I am laying in the hospital bed and I will never forget looking over and seeing her pull out a cotton swab and swab the inside of my son's cheek and then drop it in a Ziploc bag, and I said what are you doing? And she said I'm grandparents paternity test. I. I hit my call button and I said to the nurse hey, I really need this individual to leave. And so she, the grandmother, just looked at me like I was a lunatic handed the baby to the nurse and walked out, and about three weeks after I was home, she showed up at my house with about 10 family members and they said, the paternity test came back, and that's when I went.

Speaker 1:

Oh, this is the part that's about to get really messy, because I felt so outnumbered by them and this is what it was like for a very long time. There was they're a large family. Now in this, I rarely ever heard from or saw the father. Right, it was always grandma, always a tow of people always being like this is what you need to do, and I'm like, no, I'm not going to do that. She eventually filed for sole custody in her son's name, who I'd heard very little of at this point, and so that would that kind of opened up. Okay, what's going to start happening here, where I don't even know how any of these things work? I am 26 years old. I make $30,000 a year, right?

Speaker 2:

The audacity.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that yes, and I, I had no idea what to do. So the day of court showed up and she's not there, but her son is there, and so they have a sit with somebody who does like some mediation and I say, okay, this is what's going to happen, I'm going to have sole custody and you're going to be able to see him every other weekend. At this point my son's a year old and he goes okay, it's fine, I don't care it's, and I went okay, I see where you see where the energy is flowing right through this problem. Um, over those next few years. So it would turn really volatile.

Speaker 1:

It was a really difficult situation. He wouldn't, he wouldn't show up for most weekends, but when he would show up it would be like physical hands on me and it was pressing about. I shouldn't, he shouldn't have to pay child support, he should be able to have him whenever he wants. And I would like file for orders of protection, which I got to approved, and I'd take them to family court and I'd say we can't continue this.

Speaker 1:

This is unsafe for me, it's unsafe for my son, and family court would say, well, did he touch your son? And I'd say, no, he touched me when I have my son and they go well, if he doesn't touch your son, we're not worried, and so the visits would continue. It was it was really, and during those weekends where my son would be with the dad or with grandparents because I think sometimes we just take him and drop him off at his mom's house I would get these text messages that say you're never going to see him again, I'm not returning him on Sunday, I'm not going to be there and I'd show up.

Speaker 2:

Were you not able to use those in court to say this is not a safe environment?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, oh my gosh. There were points that I was in court twice a month. I was there constantly going someone, help us, someone, stop the situation. I've never been married to this man. I was assaulted by this man. He continues to physically assault me. He sends these threatening messages and they would say, yeah, but eventually you get your son back. Sometimes it would be two days after when I was supposed to and they go but did you get him back? I mean, you have sole custody. What more could you possibly want? You already had the most you can get and I'd say, well, that's not true.

Speaker 2:

What I would like is to not fear for my child's safety and not worry that I'm not ever going to get him back. Yeah, that's what I would like actually it would happen.

Speaker 1:

It would go on sometimes a week. At one point I got the state troopers involved, and when I went to the state trooper's office they were like they looked up his record and they said we are not supposed to tell you this, but this man has sealed records for some things that are really concerning, which I learned over time in New York it's easier to get your record sealed if you go through certain treatment programs. So they said that he had done a sexual offender treatment program, he had done drinking and driving treatment programs, and so then he's allowed to have his records sealed. And so I'm dealing with a situation where I am not allowed to have all of the information, I'm not allowed to ask questions.

Speaker 2:

So how much of your life experience informs the work you do now?

Speaker 1:

you do now? Yeah, great question. I think the thing that I started learning was that my son and I were in our own little family system just the two of us in the home, we had our system right, and then the system of my son's father's family. They're their own system and they have other power dynamics at our play, by how many of them they are, by how much money they have. And then, when I would put boundaries, they would incorporate another system, that being the court system to try and force me to do things and I would incorporate the court system to try to protect us from having to do things. And I started to see how systems work together, sometimes for good, sometimes for bad, and that within every system there's rules. There's rules that you can talk about and there's rules that, if you talk about, it makes things worse and if you bring up those rules, it creates problems.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so you know, I went through this situation for, oh my gosh, until my son was 11. His father finally kind of backed away and around that time period I was like, okay, we've been through the wringer. We had relocated to Michigan in that time period and I was like I want to go back to graduate school, like I had spent so much time over that time working on my own healing, going to multiple therapists. I mean, there was a time period we lived a safe haven for a couple months and the therapist I had there was so monumental and she was the one that started being like the court system is a system right? And a system is as good as its parts and the parts of government, she says, are not always good parts right.

Speaker 1:

And so she taught me how to navigate the system. She said this is what you're going to do. I don't want you to get attorneys anymore. They're taking advantage of you. This is what I want you to file, this is what I want you to say. That's how we were able to move. I incorporated this part into my system of healing, right Of going. Somebody is going to heal with me, they're going to help me heal. I'm going to be doing the work of it. But when this woman started providing me all of this information and she said you can work within the system, it's not happening at you, you just have to decide how you'll participate in it.

Speaker 2:

So interesting. So what this does for me. Interesting. So what this, what this does for me. So I'm incredibly inquisitive. I instantly think anyone else who is struggling as you have right now. The first thing they do is lawyer, right, if they can afford it. If they can't afford it, they flounder. Where does someone go? So if they're not going lawyer, what are the resources for them? Yeah, and that's a great question.

Speaker 1:

I felt like when I found this therapist, she was really like a needle in a haystack and a lot of her was like who work at safe Haven, women and all of these. She was one of the first ones that told me lawyers aren't helping you. There's the abuse you're going through and they know you're desperate. She said, unless you can find a good woman lawyer which a lot of the lawyers are finding were men right they're not going to be able to do much for you because they don't believe the abuse is real. And so I ended up having to do a lot of Google research.

Speaker 1:

You know, what I had used to help us move was actually based on constitutional rights instead of state and local rights. So, constitutionally, my son's father couldn't keep me located in a place. If I wanted to move and get away, I could use a constitutional right that no one's allowed to be kept, essentially a prisoner, and I don't remember exactly what the term was right. This is like six, eight years ago, but there was a way that she taught me how to say my constitutional right is that I'm allowed to relocate and not stay in the same space, and I will allow equal access still for visitation with my son. I will bring him back this many times a year to New York for visits, right. She taught me how to look for the nuance in the government system, right, how to use that system as a form of protection instead of a form of another abuse, because he was using legal abuse to hold us. Still. Right, when I'd say I want to move and I don't feel safe or these things and I was focusing on the micro details that were happening, I was missing how to use the macro system as a protection source. That is fascinating.

Speaker 1:

It blew my mind at that time, right, and I negotiated. I gave up that twenty five thousand dollars in child support unpaid. I told him I'll forgive it like it never happened in child support unpaid. I told him I'll forgive it Like it never happened. If we can move and I want to use my constitutional right that I don't have to stay located in a state, in exchange I'll make sure you have access a certain number of times of year. He said absolutely no problem, go. He signed a document and he said don't tell my mother.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, Okay Now how did that? Work once. Right, how did that work once his mother found out, um, yeah, when you were gone.

Speaker 1:

It was the weekend. We were relocating, so I was packing and I was assuming at this point maybe he told her it'd been six months since we'd signed this agreement, I'd gotten a job, I'm making things happen. I bought a house in Michigan, we're going to go. And she said well, we. My son at this point is four or five. She said we're going to, we're going to get him next week. And I said no, there's a new agreement, it starts now. And she said what are you talking about? And I said talk to your son about it, please.

Speaker 1:

I know. I said we're reloc, relocating, talk to so-and-so, make sure you get all the information. And she was like you're not allowed to take my child. She said weird, weird. And I was like, okay, I have to go. Goodbye, I'm getting off the phone now, right, and? And so that we go. And so the question of like, how do we talk about the work I do now as a therapist? It's all system work. When I saw the pressure and the enablement that existed between this man and his mother, or his brothers and his mother, and everything was about he would just disappear and then she would show up and she would criticize him why aren't you seeing your son? Why are you doing this? You need to be doing this, you need to make sure she can't take him away from us. And then he would show up with violence towards me. Now I was the problem. There was this triangle right when the tension was flowing, where she would push on him, he would push on me, and then I would go.

Speaker 2:

It wasn't even something he wanted. No, it wasn't something he wanted at all, but it's. I mean not to I'm not a therapist, but not to to use my non therapy therapy, but it very much. His aggression on you initially is a function of that level of dysfunction in his family for his entire life, exactly.

Speaker 1:

There's a part of you that goes compassionately. You think about the little boy of him that likely was emotionally neglected and abused. Yeah, I mean it's yes, and yet I don't want that to trickle to my son, correct?

Speaker 2:

I don't want that to trickle to my son. Correct. At what point did your son become aware of the circumstances surrounding his conception?

Speaker 1:

Well. So he became aware over a lot of his visits that his dad was unhealthy. There were things that would happen in the visits. He would be left home alone at his dad's home and he'd be told at four years old play Grand Theft Auto until I get home, and if I find out that you weren't playing video games while I was gone you'll be in trouble. And then he was just left all day and he was told don't tell your mom. And I would find out these stories years later. I knew things were right. When he came back I could see things were.

Speaker 2:

I could see he was scared. You could see he was upset.

Speaker 1:

You could see that he didn't want to go on visits, these visits that when I wouldn't want to send him and he would be sobbing and he'd be hysterical, and I, under the system of the court, had to say, don't worry, it's going to be okay, right? Because then, otherwise it would be, a report would be written that I was discouraging, that, that's, I was the problem Right, otherwise it would be a report would be written that I was discouraging, that I was the problem Right. And so we get back to that triangle again the court, me, dad, right.

Speaker 2:

So do you? Are you a therapist, as that therapist was to you?

Speaker 1:

That's a great question. So I try so hard to meet people where they're at right. I try so hard to Someone's knocking at my door right now, I cannot answer that. I try so hard to meet people where they're at, in the level of crisis, to not push them into what I think they should be doing and where they should be going. Right, because I could see that therapist going. Why are you doing this? Why are you participating like this? But she had to meet me in this space. Right, this is this resource. This is this thing. What do you think about this? Would you have done if I provided? Right, and so that's the way I often try to meet people, but I work really hard on trying to meet them as well in the system of their problem.

Speaker 1:

Right, somebody that's not ready to leave a partner, but they feel unsafe? Right, what is the system of your family? What are the rules that are talked about? Are you allowed to bring up emotions or does it make things more volatile? Are you allowed to say you feel unsafe or does it make things unsafe?

Speaker 1:

Learning how systems create pressure started to really change me as a human, and so I work so hard to meet people there, right. And so in the couples I work with, I'm going okay, so-and-so, you come from this family, this style these rules, and you, over here, come from this family, these style these rules. How are you co-creating rules in your home with your own children, with your own alliances between family members? Where are you not talking directly to each other? Right, if I go back and I could have had a healthy, direct conversation with my son's father and said, hey, this thing happened, this is how he's here, and it creates a lot of fear in me and I want to feel like, despite that, we're here, we have this baby, you want to know him. Let's make something different and safe.

Speaker 1:

Obviously, he wasn't a human at that time. I doubt now that's capable of that. Had he been, that's a different conversation. If we can say, hey, you've hurt me, it makes it hard for me to trust you and we're talking about vulnerable humans. That's what we're trying to do in therapy. That's the work I try to do with everyone I work with, whether it's individuals, couples, families, adolescents. What is allowed to be talked about? What is the system you're operating in? What are the rules you see in that system? Right?

Speaker 2:

What would you like people to take from your story?

Speaker 1:

You know, I'd like them to take a couple of things. You know, have you ever heard of the book on Bar From the Tree by Andrew Solomon? Okay, so in that book every chapter goes through a different mothering story. So mothers of children with autism and mothers of children with, you know, different needs. And then there's a chapter about mothers of children who the child was conceived by assault and in it he talks a bit about how difficult it is for mothers to love children from those stories.

Speaker 1:

And so when I read it, I wrote it and I was like I have a child that was conceived by assault and I love him so much, he's so important to me. And you know, andrew Solomon wrote back and he said he said that's really unique, that's unheard of and that really surprised me, right, and I went okay, that's it, that's a story I guess you know I'd love for people to feel like children who were conceived in this way are still chosen, right, and my son had these difficult experiences with his dad and about a year ago he's like you know, mom, I just really need to know. Nothing makes sense, right? I hadn't told him a lot of my story with it. I always tried to focus on his as much as I could. And so I told him. I said this is, you know, this is a story. And he said I'm afraid it means that I kind of happened and I wasn't picked or chosen. And I said you were the most chosen, you were so chosen. And I said you were the most chosen, you were so chosen, right, so chosen, you were so chosen. And I saw something kind of release in him, right. And so even when I had brought up to him about doing this podcast and he said you know, I just, I just want others to know that they can feel chosen in those stories. That it's really special, oh my heart, I know. And that felt really wonderful to hear him say. I wanted him to feel that he has some autonomy over the story, over how it's told, right Over, you know. And he said he's told a few friends about how this is like a bit of our story. He says, right, and they'll be like I mean teenage boys. They'll be like yo, dude, you got to be nicer to your mom. I love it. I love it. It's so funny. So I want people to feel like mothering comes in so many ways, right, it's not just like you had mentioned earlier, like somebody says, hey, let's have a baby, and they get excited and they plan right.

Speaker 1:

My story of solo parenting I've all I've often differed from single parenting. We're often in single parenting and it's complicated, right. There's complicated divorces and things turn animus and there's relationships that have had DV. But often you have a level of support. There's someone that on you know alternate times will take your child. There's people looking out. I really didn't feel like we had that. It was hard to tell people the story when my son was little and he needed the most support. I saw people not know what to do with it and so I started kind of tucking it away, right, and it started like telling the story to myself of like you're not single parenting, where single parenting feels like it trails into some level of more support. You're solo parenting and it's the two of you and you can create chosen family. But it's going to be different. People don't always understand the story and trying to find some acceptings that they don't have to understand it to be meaningful to us, right to who we are.

Speaker 2:

You don't need that validation from anyone else. We are. You don't need that validation from anyone else. I mean, it's the love story that exists between you and your son, between you and you, right Like this was a. This was love that you chose and it was him that you chose and you. I go back to that friend of yours saying how motherhood suits you, right Like it's. It gives me chills. I love that right. You, just you were. You listened to that yearning in you, that that piece of you that said, no, this is my path.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and that's what it felt like, and it felt like a universal story being told. I went okay, I see you, universe.

Speaker 2:

And I think that you know to me that's that's a piece of this too how important it is that we listen to ourselves. Yeah, Because a lot, a lot of times that inner tells us something that the world might otherwise say. I don't think that's, overall, a good idea, Right, but we know there's something in us that knows otherwise. Yeah, and that's so incredibly powerful. Miranda, how would you define?

Speaker 1:

hope? Oh, that's such a question. You know, when I think about hope, I think about a future oriented narrative that we lean into. Something can be different, something can be good in a way we weren't expecting. I see, often when I'm working with couples and we'll be doing this, you know modality work of like the flow of the emotions between them and their own cycle and one of them will say something and I'll watch something change in the other person and I'll go, hey, what's going on for you? And they go when they said that I just had hope that maybe something can be different. Something can be different. And I think often we're tracking for hope.

Speaker 1:

When we get into conflict with someone we love, whether it's our children or a partner or a friend, we find ourselves tracking these micro moments of going, hey, I just want to see this thing, but we don't know we're doing it until we see them respond in the way that we just went. I needed that so badly, the way that we just went, I needed that so badly. Right, when I, you know, think about parenting with my son, and sometimes I go, I don't know, maybe I don't know what I'm doing, because we all say, as parents, right, always, always. And then they come out and they go hey, I was thinking that I have a plan for this and, as a parent of a teenager, you just go oh, cool, so glad, right. But internally you go oh, I have hope, everything's going to be okay, they're going to figure it out.

Speaker 2:

Right, I'm going to help them, but they're going to do it every day, yeah, every day, every day. As a parent of of children of any age, we hope desperately that we are doing it right and we second guess ourselves and we have to believe, recognizing that they are are our greatest teachers. Yeah, that that we are, that we're setting them up, yeah, to be the best versions of themselves. Yeah, and we'll make mistakes along the way and they'll figure it out though They'll figure it out.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think that's hope. Hope is actually tracking. When we stop tracking and looking for something to change is where it feels like hope has gone away, when we see ourselves still looking and going okay, it doesn't have to be exactly like this, right? That's when we know hope still exists. I feel like it's the tracking that it's there.

Speaker 2:

I love that. That's beautiful. It has been such a gift having you on here today. Where can people connect with you or or find you?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I love that. So my website, um, just for my therapy practice is, uh, is wwwclaritygrcom, and they can reach out to me through there, or my email is Miranda at claritygrcom. I'd love to hear from people if they have similar stories too, and just I think it's such an important story to be told.

Speaker 2:

This is. This has been an incredible conversation. I always love not only conversations that have this level of hope and light, but when I'm learning things too, when I can can hear someone's story and realize that there are different levels of hope and light and possibility when it feels as though they're running into walls and they think I don't know where to go next, and I love that. You have provided insight for people who find themselves running up against systems that are not working. Yeah, so thank you so much for being here with me today. I so appreciate it.

Speaker 2:

Healing is not always linear, but neither is storytelling, so it is so wonderful to have you here and I'm grateful that you have walked this stretch of road and that our listeners have been here with us today. And I hope, friends, if you have found a piece of Miranda's story, that it has met you where you are and you know someone that needs to hear it, that you will pass it on. You will continue to listen and subscribe and continue to share Until you can join us again on Hope Comes to Visit. Please take very good care of yourself and thank you, as always, for being here with us. Naturally, it's important to thank the people who support and sponsor the podcast.

Speaker 2:

This episode is supported by Chris Dulley, a trusted criminal defense attorney and friend of mine here in St Louis, who believes in second chances and solid representation. Whether you're facing a DWI, felony or traffic issue, chris handles your case personally with clarity, compassion and over 15 years of experience. When things feel uncertain, it helps to have someone steady in your corner. Call 314-384-4000 or 314-DUI-HELP or you can visit dullylawfirmcom to schedule your free consultation.