Hope Comes to Visit
Hope Comes to Visit is a soulful podcast that holds space for real stories, honest conversations, and the kind of moments that remind us we’re never alone.
Hosted by author, speaker, and former TV journalist-turned-storyteller Danielle Elliott Smith, the show explores the full spectrum of the human experience — from the tender to the triumphant. Through powerful interviews and reflective storytelling, each episode offers light, connection, and presence for anyone navigating the in-between.
Whether you’re grieving, growing, beginning again, or simply craving something real, Hope Comes to Visit will meet you right where you are — with warmth, grace, and the quiet belief that even in the dark, transformation can take root.
New episodes drop every Monday, so you can begin your week with a little light, reflection, and hope.
Hope Comes to Visit
A Statement of Intent: Brian Franklin on Grief, Reinvention, and Finding Joy in Small Moments
For Brian Franklin, loss came in waves — the suicide of a childhood friend, a colon cancer scare, the discovery of a benign brain tumor, his wife’s breast cancer diagnosis, and the sudden heart attack of his closest confidant. At times, the weight of it all was nearly unbearable.
Yet Brian’s story isn’t defined by tragedy. It’s defined by his remarkable capacity to reinvent. Music became his therapy, his guitar a lifeline when words failed. A bowling league offered unexpected silliness and community. And eventually, he and his wife Nicole launched Vows & Speeches, a business built on love, connection, and storytelling — a radical departure from his career in political consulting.
Brian shares candidly about grief, acknowledging: “I’m not as happy as I used to be…that happiness was living in a fantasy world where nothing bad had happened.” But he’s also discovered a different kind of contentment — one that honors fragility, embraces joy, and redefines hope itself. “Hope is a statement of intent,” he says.
This episode is a reminder that while we can’t control outcomes, we can choose how to show up — for ourselves, for others, and for the life still unfolding in front of us.
Connect with Brian on Vows & Speeches.
And on Instagram: @vowsandspeeches
Thank you for listening to Hope Comes to Visit. If this conversation helps, follow the show, share it with someone who needs hope today, and leave a review - it helps others find their way to these conversations.
New episodes drop every Monday, so you can begin your week with a little light and a lot of hope.
For more stories, reflections, and ways to connect, visit www.DanielleElliottSmith.com or follow along on Instagram @daniellesmithtv and @HopeComestoVisit
Nice group of people that were just the funniest guys ever, and perhaps the funniest of them, he committed suicide.
Speaker 2:Right, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:And that was the first real. You know I had lost friends. I had lost friends and family members to illness and that sort of thing, but nothing as intimate and as close as this one. And it rocked our entire friend group, everybody from top to bottom. They all loved this guy deeply and it just was like the beginning of our old age. You know, we realized that that was the start of things.
Speaker 2:Hi friends, I'm Danielle Elliott Smith and this is Hope Comes to Visit. This podcast was born from the belief that even in the darkest seasons, light can find its way through through storytelling, through conversation and through presence with each other, wherever you are today. I hope that we can find some connection and allow hope to visit with you. Today's guest is Brian Franklin. Brian is the co-founder of Vows and Speeches, a speech writing and delivery coaching service for weddings and other events Prior to Vows and Speeches.
Speaker 2:For 17 years, brian led a winning political consulting and advertising firm, serving on the board of the American Association of Political Consultants. Earlier in his career, he was a marketing strategist and creative director, a high school teacher and a professional musician. Dubbed the humorist by the New York Times. He's also been featured in AP News, brides, bridal Guides, forbes, the New York Post and many more. Let's take a quick moment to thank the people that support and sponsor the podcast. When life takes an unexpected turn, you deserve someone who will stand beside you. St Louis attorney Chris Dulley offers experienced one-on-one legal defense. Call 314-384-4000 or 314-DUI-HELP, or you can visit Dullelawfirmcom that's D-U-L-L-E-Lawfirmcom for a free consultation. Brian, thank you so much for joining me on the podcast today.
Speaker 1:Great to be here. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 2:I am excited to have this conversation with you because one of the themes that I recognize in your story, aside from hope, is reinvention. There are lots of pieces and parts to your story. You've gone up and down and up and down. There are lots of things that you've had to work through and come out on the other side and I find that extraordinary. I know that life happens to so many of us, right, but I am so interested, so fascinated by how you have navigated and continue to pull yourself back up and put yourself back on top so we can start, honestly, wherever you are most comfortable starting in your story, whichever piece feels the most genuine to you.
Speaker 1:Well, you mentioned and thanks again you mentioned reinvention and it has been, I think, a recurring theme in my life. I mean, I started out as a teenager who wanted to be a rock star and to be a professional musician and I accomplished well everything but the star part Are you sure yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm pretty sure. Yeah, I got to do it as a profession for a bit, but it became apparent that I wasn't going to, wasn't going to be hitting it anytime soon. I had someone that was a bit older than me in a relationship and and we wound up getting married and I think it just was clear that I need I was on a different path and so went back to school and wound up ultimately in advertising, and so that was my first reinvention. And part of that happened out of a massive disappointment where I got signed to a label and then three weeks after I got signed and I got the check, the entire label got, the management got tossed and replaced by other people and it just kind of threw the whole dream into a different, into a different place. And that's very common with, you know, music. That happens more often than not to people that get signed.
Speaker 2:You know, I think people don't realize that about that industry is that anytime the upper echelon of the entertainment portion changes technically, the rest of whatever's underneath goes with them. I mean, I worked in news for a while. If new management came in, typically your entire news team was going out with them. It's just that entertainment world is constantly shifting and maneuvering and you're always on edge, wondering whether or not you're you're secure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and, and don't get me wrong, I look back and I I wouldn't have signed that stuff. You know, for me it's not, it's not what I would have signed, but but it wasn't. It was certainly a mental blow because you think you're on a, on the path of your dreams and you know, and then suddenly you're you're getting the job for, for fourteen thousand dollars, as a copywriter yeah, but um but it. But I think what it taught me I got a lesson out of that, which was if you're not in the room, you're not in the deal, and it was something my father said, uh, going as we went along and and I really took that to heart and I think it informed a lot of the rest of the things that I did afterwards and the way that I treated my life and business, and I became much more proactive about what I was doing and perhaps more of a control freak, but certainly more engaged and not letting other people represent me quite as much as I would otherwise.
Speaker 2:Okay, so what did you do next?
Speaker 1:So I went into advertising and then, um, you know, I got married, we had a kid, uh, I we had, we were paying a lot of money for health insurance and, uh, and I was a night owl at that point doing most of my writing. Um, after the, my son went to bed, but we were paying so much for health insurance, I decided to go be a teacher and try and split the well, no pun intended, split the baby here and wound up teaching high school, ultimately AP government for a few years and just to get the health insurance. And, of course, the health insurance doubled the second year I was there. But but I realized really quickly that I couldn't do both things. I couldn't be a freelance marketing consultant and a teacher. There was just too much work and so, and I was making too little money as a teacher.
Speaker 1:So I went back into advertising and I went into, reinvented myself as a uh, going going into the political advertising spectrum and wound up a political consultant. So that was how I wound up in politics and I did that for another 17 years and that kind of got me to the point where I was. I really loved it for a while. It was fun, I was engaged and then, as you know, politics turned a bit over the last 10 years.
Speaker 1:Just a smidge, just a smidge, just a smidge and the rules changed and it wasn't nearly as much fun and everything became megalomania and I started to do. I tried a couple of different ways to get out of it, but it was also the beginning of a string of things that happened that really altered my mindset and changed everything, and the most significant being that one of my closest friends we had this big thick friend group that went back as far as fifth grade, a nice group of people that were just the funniest guys ever, and perhaps the funniest of them he committed suicide.
Speaker 2:Right, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:And that was the first real. You know I had lost friends. I had lost friends and family members to illness and that sort of thing, but nothing as intimate and as close as this one. And it rocked our entire friend group, everybody from top to bottom. They all loved this guy deeply and it just was like the beginning of our old age. You know. You realized that that was the start of things. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So you lose this friend? Was his suicide a surprise? Did anyone know that he had been struggling in any capacity?
Speaker 1:You know that's. I think that was the thing that that ate at us the most is that there was a period of time where we did worry about him in this way that he seemed incredibly depressed he had gotten divorced. There were a few of us had gotten divorced and it was like the no offense to my ex-wife but it was a good thing for us. We were happy being divorced at that time and we probably oversold it and he was having trouble with his own wife and I mean he made his own decision but I think it was partially informed by friends going hey, you know, this is you'll, you can have what you want?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can have what you want and find the person that's right for you, and blah, blah, blah. And then he got divorced and it turned out that he really didn't like it, it just wasn't. It didn't sit well with him to be apart from his kids, and not that it did with us, it's just, you know, I think everybody has a different pain, tolerance, and and he, uh, he was miserable and uh. And so there was a period of time where we were very concerned and then, and then we, um, and then we relaxed because things seemed to improve.
Speaker 1:He was, he had a girlfriend, he, he was very successful and in in every aspect of life, he was a great dad, went to every game you know was, was very, very active in his kids' lives and seemed happy again. And then, out of nowhere, then it happened, and so we were just like what you know and felt like we had dropped the ball by not paying attention to him in that period of time. And maybe we did, but that was hard, that took a long time for us, a lot of therapy.
Speaker 2:How long ago was that?
Speaker 1:That was 2019. And I had just moved out to California. I had been in a long-distance relationship with my wife and for nine years I was flying back and forth.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's remarkable Nine years long distances.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's some staying power.
Speaker 1:I think probably the best evidence of my sales skills was that I sold my wife on this idea 10 years prior and she went with it and we tried it and we made it work, but it was, it was.
Speaker 2:That is definitely extraordinary. That is a. That's impressive. That's, that's some serious love. I saw your your snippet from Virgin and from Richard Branson.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:The testimony of the two of you using Virgin to fly back and forth. That's a.
Speaker 1:They were the first airline to have fleet wide wifi, and it was because they had that the first airline to have fleet wide wifi and it was because they had that, uh, and it was reliable, that I was able to to, you know, fake it and do my job, and nobody really knew that. That knew the worst for it. So it was it worked out. But, um, but you know, I finally sold the house in Florida and moved out here full time and and then three weeks later we were dealing with this and it, it, it took the better half of nine months before I could really even be functional in any meaningful way.
Speaker 2:What did you do to work through that level of grief, like what allowed you to feel functional again?
Speaker 1:I think it was a combination of therapy, of having the friend group that I did and us really processing it together and and feeling, and certainly my wife being extremely kind and and, um, sensitive to how I felt, and you know how how damaged I was and and and just time, you know, it's one of those things that you don't really like to think about when it happens, because you want to live the pain of it at some level. You want to feel it because it's a tribute to the person, and then you get used to feeling it and things kind of open up. So you know that happened, feeling it and things kind of open up. So so you know that happened. And then, uh, you know, 10 months later I, I had some health scares. I had a colon cancer scare that they couldn't, that took about three or four months to resolve and and, uh, thankfully wasn't, um, wasn't colon cancer, but but they weren't sure cause it was. It was on the edge of it.
Speaker 1:And then COVID, and then suddenly our business was tossed and there were other things to think about as well. But I mean, it took years to get through that in a way that I could talk about it without crying.
Speaker 2:So a little bit of what I'm hearing. Initially, with losing your friend, what was his name?
Speaker 1:His name was Brian Brian, yeah.
Speaker 2:As well. So losing Brian, and then the colon cancer scare, and a little bit of that falls under the mortality umbrella right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, make us feel like, wow, I like life is far more fragile than we sometimes give it credit for being, or we're moving so fast and doing so many things that we're not stopping to pay attention and suddenly we're losing people and we're worrying about ourselves and we're like how much time do we have? So how does all of this affect you? How does having all of these scares and these like losing a friend and what is that doing to the Brian who thought he was moving to California to have another reinvention?
Speaker 1:Well, you know, I think after after Brian died, it was like how could we ever feel joy again? Right, that was, and I do reference, I had a. I had a, had a cousin who's 16 month old drowned in the pool way back when and I was the first I was the first responsible adult on the scene and helped, shepherd them to the funeral home and to, you know, and I saw these people at the at their absolute worst and I was, I mean, I had PTSD after this whole thing, for sure.
Speaker 2:I can't even imagine.
Speaker 1:And I think I was. I would reference in my head the fact that 10, 15 years prior, whatever private aches they may have, still they were seemingly happy they found their way through it or with it. And I did think about that. But to be honest, things happened at such a fast pace from that point I mentioned the colon cancer I went to the doctor, in part because I knew two people that were suffering from colon cancer at the same time and they were listing off symptoms that I had, and so we did that. And then I had injuries and I had various things and then suddenly, suddenly my, my wife, got breast cancer.
Speaker 1:And actually before that, even before that, I was diagnosed with a what turned out to be a benign and non-moving brain tumor. But for I did have this one night where I was like I didn't tell anybody Cause I I got, I get the CDs just so I can take it to a specialist, and I popped it into my thing and I read it before any doctor had talked to me. So all of a sudden I'm like that's a brain tumor, and so I spent the night thinking I had like a glioblastoma, you know whatever. And I woke up the next morning and thankfully a doctor friend of mine, he's like. He's like it's a calcified meningioma, we think, and it's fine, you know it's not, it's not going to be a problem, and and and turned out not to be a problem, but it was just just one of those things.
Speaker 1:It was scary and I had like an existential like who am I, what am I? You know all this stuff Right. And then after that my wife got breast cancer. You know all that coincided with her stepfather dying during COVID and having again colon cancer and then she got breast cancer and thankfully she got through it. Another one of, and probably my closest friend in the friend group at the time and a deep confidant of mine, passed away suddenly of a heart attack and we were worried about him and his health. There were other contributing factors and that was the one that just laid me. Laid you out, yeah, completely. That just laid me out. Laid you out, yeah, completely. That knocked me out, that knocked me sideways in a way that even the first one- you thought the first one was the one that knocked you out.
Speaker 2:And then this one was a completely different thing.
Speaker 1:The other one was, you know, brian was more private. This guy's name was Nate and he was different and I loved them both dearly. But this one was someone that I talked to three times a week and we were sharing very deeply personal thoughts and very open with each other and he was very helpful. My wife and I had been having some trouble in our marriage to the year before. He was like kind of the, the broker, you know and that, and and helped us see that we, we should be together and we and we were, we did and we are and we're great. But but that was the one that I I was like, okay, I don't know how I'm going to get through this and it was a terrible. The timing of it was terrible.
Speaker 2:This was just about two years ago, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it was two years ago, and two years ago in June, and that was really. I also played music with him occasionally and that was really where the first thing happened, which was I realized that I found it took me about a month before I could even pick up a guitar, but once I did, I started to do it almost obsessively and that was the first thing that it was just a tool for me to process and to have a little bit of fun in some way or another, at a time where I really couldn't imagine smiling even.
Speaker 2:It's it, our timelines are very similar. On on the grief piece, my significant other passed away in August of 2023. And that was my. I don't know how I'm like. I don't know how to move through this.
Speaker 2:I don't know what this looks like and I had never experienced a loss like that and I remember hearing being given an explanation that you know grief, it's not like grief gets smaller, it's that your life gets bigger around it, not like grief gets smaller, it's that your life gets bigger around it. So it's almost like if you can imagine grief being fist-sized and your life continues to get bigger.
Speaker 2:At the time that it happens. Your entire life is that size. And then, as you grow, as you begin to smile a little bit, as you begin to play the guitar right.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And you begin to live again a bit and experience and love. But the grief we experience, I truly believe, is proportionate to the love we feel, right? So I grieved because I loved.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And you grieved because this person was such a huge presence in your life. You talked every day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I also realized very quickly and I saw this in the first instance with Brian too but everybody grieves differently. You know, there are friends that I had that loved him every bit as much, but they didn't show their grief outwardly. You know, they felt it just as deeply but they weren't talking about it or they pushed it aside because they had other responsibilities that they had to meet in that moment and they were perhaps more capable of doing that. You know, I had the job, that a kind of job where I make my own hours and I do my own. You know, I'm lucky enough to work remotely, so you know, if you're grieving, you have plenty of time to do it, and so I think I was conscious of that. I've always liked the analogy where grief, the weight of grief, never changes. You just get stronger at carrying it and you train yourself in the same way that you would train in weightlifting, right, and I've always felt an affinity towards that particular analogy.
Speaker 2:I like that.
Speaker 1:But I, you know, I went and got a tattoo and I did, you know, I did things that were helpful to my healing and my tribute to him in some level or another and and it was, uh, it, it was hard and you, but you realize, I was also his, uh, his sister, who I've known since we were kids, but not as closely, I mean, we didn't spend a lot of time with each other. Uh, after that we became extremely close and with her husband and my, you know, my wife, and we became extremely close and with her husband and my wife, and we became a friend. We had this new little pod of friends that were looking at it kind of the same way and feeling those same feelings, and we started going down south to San Clemente, to where they live, and really actually they were elsewhere at the time, but now they're in San Clemente, but you know, we were, we'd spend time with them and we would just talk about him and we we'd have fun and we, we, we. It wasn't all grief, but it was, but you could break down if you needed to, you know, and where they could, and it was, it was really healing. Um, but I started, you know, I started to play guitar and uh, and then I tried to put a little band together and uh, and some weird, really weird, odd coincidences happened along the way. Um, that that I felt I'm not particularly spiritual or mystical, but but definitely things that I went like that's really weird, but I enjoyed them when they happened. It was something that just made me feel a little bit better, and once in a while they still do, and it's just I can't explain it. It's just stuff that makes you feel good when it happens.
Speaker 1:But the band thing kind of dissipated, I got bored of playing in my room and I was kind of going out of my skull and I was always. The Big Lebowski is one of my favorite movies and I always wanted to be in a bowling league. But I was traveling for nine years going back and forth, and so one day I found this. I was like I wonder if there's a bowling league around here. I'll just, maybe I'll explore that idea. And the first thing I saw was this Tarzana, the Corbin Bowl. There they had the big Labruskis and it was just a beer league. That's funny and I'm like, well, I guess I have to do this one. So I signed up for it and they put me on a team with.
Speaker 1:It was mid season, so there was just a team with one other guy at first and he hadn't bowled in 17 years and barely talked. And it was like this old guy that barely talked to anyone and I was like what am I doing? This is I would come out of there and I'd start crying. You know, just like what am I doing here? Like this is ridiculous. And and so that guy broke his leg somehow, and I'm not laughing at his broken leg, I'm just like the weirdness of this whole thing. And so I wound up on a second team that I knew was temporary, and that was a bizarre experience too. And so I wound up on a second team that I knew was temporary, and that was a bizarre experience too.
Speaker 1:And then, finally, I wound up on this third team with the nicest of people, like the funniest, sweetest people, and and I, it was just, it was just something that I I was like, okay, this is fun, I can have fun. This is my one night a week where I know this is going to be something different. It's a diversion that I, that I can get through, and I opened myself up to that. And suddenly, and when I did, I realized this is a source of this isn't just fun, this is joyful because it's just a riotous league, like if you leave a certain pin, if you leave the five pin up in the first frame, everybody starts yelling at you and tries to get you to miss it, and then, if you miss it, you put five bucks in a hat. It's just silliness, right. And it was like all of a sudden I was healing and I still felt every bit as sad about my friends as I have, right.
Speaker 1:But it was in that period that I realized, like man, this wouldn't have happened if I wasn't in that previous spot and I would trade anything to have not been there. But now I am and this is wonderful, and along that I glossed over. But I want to also say that in the midst of this, prior to him dying, we were worried about my wife dying. Thankfully we caught it early and thankfully it wasn't too aggressive and she got through it okay. But we were still celebrating her victory when all of this happened, and so we had this contrast in our lives at that time where we were ecstatic about this success, and then, you know, so we still in the background, though we were ecstatic about that thing, and it was something really low and you've had to focus on how to experience joy again because you're having these, these experiences where you're worried about Nicole and then you're celebrating okay, she's, she's, okay, we're good, like I still have you.
Speaker 2:And you've lost another friend. But you're actively putting yourself in situations where you get to be silly, you get to remember what it looks like to live. Yeah, Because you're choosing. You're choosing joy. You're choosing situations where you are doing life. What have you learned about yourself?
Speaker 1:Well, I'll start with the change in how I live. I definitely live with not necessarily a fear of things changing, but I know I'm definitely aware of the impermanence factor and it pervades of my thinking. For sure. I know that things can change in a heartbeat and we're dealing with that right now. One of our closest friends, also in this friend group, is dealing with a very serious health crisis with his five-year-old. That just came about and it's a terrible situation and it happened out of nowhere situation and and it happened out, you know, out of nowhere and uh, and hopefully he will be okay, but it, but we don't know that yet. And and so we're.
Speaker 1:You know, five days prior everything was kind of on its on its track and uh, and so so, yeah, you keep getting reminded about the impermanence of your situation, but it goes in both directions the happiness that you're feeling you might not feel that way tomorrow, but at the little victories and the little joys and not be quite as focused on the big picture as much as having a good moment in time and appreciating that for what it is, which is it's pretty damn important if you can have a good hour, you know, if you're still having a good hour.
Speaker 1:You can have a good hour, you know. You know if you're still having a good hour, it's a good hour, you know, and it has value, even if it's incremental. And I think that's part of it. I'm not. I'm not as happy as I used to be. I mean I'm definitely. I think I don't know if I'll ever be happy the way I used to be again, because I think that happiness was living in a fantasy world of luck that nothing that bad had happened beforehand, and so you know, I think it's just awareness that this is how the world works and this.
Speaker 1:You know, these things do happen. And if you look around you, you see the people that have to suffer earlier in their lives and they're changed by it too, and it's and but. That's that's more accurate. So I I look back with a little bit of like you were naive, you were living in a fantasy world, buddy, because you didn't know what was coming naive, you were living in a fantasy world, buddy, because you didn't know what was coming.
Speaker 2:So is there a fear that exists?
Speaker 1:in you now that wasn't there before. Is it a that you're worried that? Yeah, I guess I don't know if I'd call it fear. I think there's, and it's not really even pessimism. I'm just, I just know that that happiness can't be depended on, or success even.
Speaker 1:You know, we've had some years of struggle because of just some things that were in our control, but a lot of things that weren't, like the cancer, and like I had a bunch of injuries, you know, but there were, and these things that happened that disabled you for six months, 10 months at a time, and you're not being your efficient self as a, as an entrepreneur and a business owner. You're just not doing the work as much, and so, uh, you have to just know that those things are, are, might be coming or could be coming, and and might be coming or could be coming, and, and, and I it's not pessimism, it's just just awareness and maybe a little bit of suspicion rather than fear. But but I I've had a lot of. You know, like I recruited my wife, she has her own bowling team now. Like we have this whole thing now and it's turned into such an incredible source of joy and bonding thing and it's been amazing, and we're not even great bowlers. I tore my shoulder. I started bowling with my left arm, you know.
Speaker 2:And giving yourself injuries.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm a mess, but I think from a living standpoint I'm much more aware. You know Billy Bob Thornton. I don't know if you ever heard the quote that he had about his brother I don't know if I have.
Speaker 1:It's magical. It's such an important quote that a friend of mine sent me once and I'm paraphrasing. But he basically said that at any given moment I'm 50% happy and 50% sad because his brother died early. Okay, and he goes, but that's what my brother meant to me and if I am sad at that point in time because he's gone, then that's what he deserves. And I'll never you know I'll never be completely happy again, but that's okay because that's a tribute. You know, I'm paraphrasing.
Speaker 2:He did it much more eloquently.
Speaker 1:No, I'm taking it all in, no, I like it, yeah, and I loved it because it gave, um, it gave power to your grief, it gave authority to it and, uh, and it gave authority to sadness in these events, cause I'm sure, and I you know, I don't know the circumstances of your loss, but I, I'm sure that, um, that when you feel sad, that it is because of the value, and and when you feel happy, it's not a rejection of that value.
Speaker 2:No, absolutely not. And I I think that that's. I was having a conversation with a girlfriend who lost her son and you know she went through a process with. You know, will I ever? She lost him a few years ago now and she has since remarried and and she said there have been times when I will be with my new husband and I will find myself laughing. And then I think, wait, am I allowed to laugh? Am I, am I allowed to experience joy? And I finally reached a point where I have given myself that permission because he would want me to be laughing and experiencing joy and enjoying life. And it doesn't mean that I don't miss him and it doesn't mean that there isn't this gigantic hole in my heart that represents his loss. But I'm not sitting at home in the dark for the rest of my existence. I am choosing to live.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think about it that way because it did take me some time to walk out the front door again to get up off the floor. To you know, I heard myself make sounds that I Um, you know I heard myself make sounds that.
Speaker 1:I at times.
Speaker 2:I wasn't sure where it was coming from until I realized that it was me. Um, but there was a.
Speaker 1:There was a lot for me to work with and through and um but I, I'm, yeah, I found it kind of ironic that, looking back, that Nate um, the second one, uh, he, he was suffering from grief in his own right. His brother had a horrible disease Huntington's disease and chose to chose to end his own life rather than decline that way, and and Nate was there when he did it and and he and he was suffering greatly, but he was also able to have fun and to see past that too. I mean, he was able to do the other things and be a good parent and but he was unquestionably suffering, but he was also able to do that. And so I have, many times since then, looked back and used him as a model for my own grief of him.
Speaker 2:And it's just, you know, it's weird how long after losing his brother did Nate pass away.
Speaker 1:About nine months, yeah, and it feels a little bit like broken heart syndrome.
Speaker 1:Oh, it was, and I think in part, and you know he was also unhealthy and you know just in his habits and not didn't take care of himself the way he needed to and should, but that was part of it too. I think it was he was. He dove head first into sorrow at some level, which is terribly sad for his sister and his mom, who you know, who lost to two of the kids and two of their yeah, two of their closest people in a very short period of time yeah, in such a short period of time, and their grief was profound in that way.
Speaker 1:I don't even know how they got through it, but they allowed through too, and it's still a thing. It's always going to be a thing, but yeah, but yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm curious what all of this life experience, the up and the down, does with your writing, because we haven't talked about what you do for a living. Yeah, we did talk about the political work, right, and one of the reasons you're not doing that anymore is because of the direction it has taken, and so much of that direction is negative and hateful and hurtful. And the work you do now is so heart-centered and loving and beautiful and compassionate and soul filled. So let's talk, explain to everyone what you do, because you're the first of a kind in terms of of this type of work that I've ever heard of. So explain to everybody what you do for work.
Speaker 1:So my my wife, nicole and I started a company in 2021 that helps people write and rehearse their wedding vows, wedding speeches, ceremony scripts If you have a friend or family member that's doing the officiating, like the internet ordained, that kind of thing that are inexperienced, uh so we, we enter it's all interview based.
Speaker 1:I do an hour long interview to write a minute or two of vows. We get into all of the ins and outs of relationships. So I'm actually writing a book right now based on the lessons I've learned from these uh, from these interviews.
Speaker 2:And oh, I love that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's called uh. Hopefully it will be out in early, uh early or midwinter, maybe by Valentine's day, if I can get myself to together to do it.
Speaker 2:You'll have to let us know so that I can link to it in the show notes when you do, but you know I don't use AI, it's all remote, it's all over the phone.
Speaker 1:Thank you, and it's pure. It has been so much fun and really I should have mentioned it earlier. It's one of the things that got me through because I loved doing it and I think you know it hasn't been easy. It's, you know, startups take a while. We were hampered by other factors and monetarily and grief was a major impediment here. You know it was certainly a major impediment.
Speaker 2:Well, you're talking about pure emotion, right? So, how do you channel pure love and devotion and soul when you are weighed down by hurt? So it's you know, I mean that takes work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, You're listening to people talk about their favorite people and there have been difficult moments. It actually led to me being. It led to a referral to help somebody write their eulogy, and I've not done a few of them, but but the first one that I did was a profound experience and we, you know, I was just it was a year out from from Nate's loss and I and I really wanted to help him, put a voice to his, his feelings, and help him through that moment.
Speaker 1:And and it was. It was amazing and I felt experienced at that point.
Speaker 1:I felt, I felt, like I had authority on it and uh and uh. But yeah, most of the time we're talking happy stuff and and I'm very lucky to do it, I love doing it. It's it Not everybody's a great writer and even great writers struggle to edit themselves in these very emotionally powerful moments. And some people have are good writers but they are afraid to get up there and deliver it. And I know you've been in media. It takes, takes some practice and I'm you're, you've been in media. It takes, takes some practice.
Speaker 2:And I'm a word nerd. I love, I love words and I love wordsmithing, and I've for years had friends come to me to put words together for difficult moments, whether it's what to say at a eulogy or um. I've never written anyone's vows but um, but I. I have written for for some difficult times um, both joyful and and and challenging, but um, but I. I love emotion, I love and I and I love words. So I I was fascinated, from the moment we first connected, that this is what you do, and I can imagine that your life experience over the last six, eight years has truly informed the work you're doing.
Speaker 1:That and, having done this thing in a different way for politicians, you know, like the interviews and the and the media training that you that you do I'm not a comfortable extemporaneous speaker unless I know what I'm talking about for certain. You know, I know where I'm going with it. I stutter, I do all of the ums and you knows and dudes and all that stuff, but I can easily practice myself out of it and I know the technique to do it, and so it was fun to apply it to this to give people that confidence that sometimes they lack.
Speaker 1:A lot of people don't do their own personal vows because they think they're going to be outmatched by their partner. In fact, we didn't do our own vows oh really In fact when we got married because Nicole knew that I was a professional fact. We didn't do our own vows back when we got married because Nicole knew that I was a professional writer and she didn't, even though she's a fine writer, she just didn't feel like she could do it justice, and that's the feeling that we want to help out with in this instance. But yeah, having something like that too in your life've. One thing that came out of that is that I'm willing to live down to whatever lifestyle that allows me to do this work Like. To me, this is my last job, because I can't imagine not doing it now and I think as I get older and all of these things have happened, having that feeling is so much more important to me than having some other form of success.
Speaker 2:I understand that. That's where I am with this right now. This is finally being able to have the honor of talking to people about their, their stories. I think stories are so powerful, right, and my goal is that, when people are listening, that they have a moment where they say, oh, me too, and within that, me too they think, oh, I know someone who needs to hear this, I know someone who's going through something just like this, or who has gone through it, or who needs this as a resource, or will feel better if they know they're not alone, because I think that so many experiences we go through are so isolating and we have no idea that there are other people going through all of these things.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:All of these emotions, all of these challenges, and there is so much power in feeling seen.
Speaker 1:Including the people that are dying. I recently did an end of life interview for my cousin, who was the one that helped me go to the doctor back in. You know, however, many years ago and unfortunately, you know, he succumbed to his cancer. I'm sorry, but he and I had a. I wanted to help him have a record for his kids later on, so we did five hours of end of life interview. That's amazing and it was affecting. It was affecting, and I think for me it was. It was helpful too, because I I appreciated his perspective. It didn't. It helped me with the grief of losing him, which, but you know, he didn't want to go, you know.
Speaker 1:But but at the same time he knew he was pretty aware of where he was and I think that awareness he became. He did the same thing in reverse. He found the things that were important now and that moment. And it wasn't his to do lists and it wasn't, you know, it wasn't the noise in the background, it was, it was his family and and and having fun with them now, as much fun as they could possibly have in that situation. And and then you find you. You find, as the aggrieved later on, that you're you. You're doing the same thing. You're trying to trying to get back to that, you know.
Speaker 2:I have an interview like that coming up. I have a girlfriend who reached out to me when I first mentioned that I was doing the podcast and she was given a difficult diagnosis and she said she wanted to come on and talk. So I'm very privileged in that I get to sit here and help people to share what their version of hope looks like. So what is? How do you define hope?
Speaker 1:You know it's funny. I think I define it. I think I define it almost like wedding vows. You know it's a statement of intent. You know it's hope isn't. Sometimes all you can do is hope. Sometimes hope is a part of your manifestation technique. But to me it's like I want this to happen and I may not have power over it Maybe I do, but I definitely am going to think about that piece of it Because if I don't, I'm thinking about the worst thing that can happen. And I have a Folgers can up on my shelf which, if any big Lebowski fans remember that part in the movie, you know there's ashes in it and I've actually have it in my will to put it in there and kind of reenact the scene which I found so much laughter in. And I really hope my family will do that because I want there to be some silliness. You know I want people to find that joy that we had. However they can find it, and I also make a try and make a joke out of anything I can.
Speaker 2:Heads the humorist.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know it hasn't shown up much here because of the topic, but I'll tell you it's. You know, humor is a big part of getting through it too. You just have to find reasons to make yourself laugh.
Speaker 2:I completely agree. Where can people find you to connect with you?
Speaker 1:Vows and sorry, can't talk to you Vowsandspeechescom. That's V-O-W-S-A-N-D-S-P-E-E-C-H-E-Scom, and you'll be in the show notes, I'm sure, but that's the best way to reach out to me and just go to the contact and there's my email and phone numbers there and I'm happy to talk to you. Anyone that needs help with anything like that.
Speaker 2:That's amazing. Thank you so much for spending time with me today.
Speaker 1:It's been wonderful to have you.
Speaker 2:Is there anything that you'd like to share that I didn't ask you?
Speaker 1:No, I think I think we covered it, but I, you know, for anybody that's out, I just want to say that, for anybody that's out there that is grieving or looking for hope, you know, I just hope you find it and that you know, leave yourself open as much as you can.
Speaker 2:I love that. Brian, thank you so much for spending time with me.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 2:I appreciate it and, friends, thank you for spending time with Brian and I today. This has been Hope Comes to Visit, and I so hope that we have met you where you are today and that you have found a little bit of hope and a little bit of light, and that you will take the time to share this with someone you know and love, who you think needs to hear it, and between now and the next episode, I do hope you will take very good care of you. Thanks for being with us. Naturally, it's important to thank the people who support and sponsor the podcast. This episode is supported by Chris Dulley, a trusted criminal defense attorney and friend of mine here in St Louis, who believes in second chances and solid representation. Whether you're facing a DWI, felony or traffic issue, chris handles your case personally with clarity, compassion and over 15 years of experience. When things feel uncertain, it helps to have someone steady in your corner. Call 314-384-4000 or 314-DUI-HELP or you can visit dullylawfirmcom to schedule your free consultation.