Hope Comes to Visit
Hope Comes to Visit is a soulful podcast that holds space for real stories, honest conversations, and the kind of moments that remind us we’re never alone.
Hosted by author, speaker, and former TV journalist-turned-storyteller Danielle Elliott Smith, the show explores the full spectrum of the human experience — from the tender to the triumphant. Through powerful interviews and reflective storytelling, each episode offers light, connection, and presence for anyone navigating the in-between.
Whether you’re grieving, growing, beginning again, or simply craving something real, Hope Comes to Visit will meet you right where you are — with warmth, grace, and the quiet belief that even in the dark, transformation can take root.
New episodes drop every Monday, so you can begin your week with a little light, reflection, and hope.
Hope Comes to Visit
Who Gets a Seat at Your Table? Curating Your Life with Clarity, Care, and Courage
Pull up a chair and take a breath—then ask the question most of us avoid: who gets a seat at your table, and why? In this solo episode, I treat your table as a living metaphor for your energy, time, and love—and names what it takes to protect that sacred space without apology.
We get practical fast. You’ll hear clear, compassionate scripts for late-night crisis friendships, boundary-pushing relatives, and overflowing workloads, plus a four-part framework to sort who stays, who stands, and who moves to the balcony. We’ll also map the patterns that signal it’s time to edit your guest list (erosion, explosions, stagnation), and explore courageous hope vs. brittle hope—how to tell when optimism fuels growth and when it keeps you auditioning for a relationship that only exists in imagination.
Along the way, we return to three anchors—character, consistency, and care—because chemistry alone can’t carry a connection that refuses to evolve. There’s room here for nuance and grace: some people have good character but limited capacity; “not now” can be an act of love. You’ll hear closure rituals that soothe the nervous system and a reminder not to panic-fill empty chairs—leave space so better fits can find you. And we turn the mirror gently: be the guest you want to host.
Protecting your table is protecting your life. Curate with clarity, and you make room for relationships that truly nourish.
If this resonated, share it with a friend who’s learning to protect their own table, follow the show, and leave a review. Tell us on Instagram @DanielleSmithTV and @HopeComesToVisit which seat you’re reclaiming or which value gets a reserved chair next.
Thank you for listening to Hope Comes to Visit. If this conversation helps, follow the show, share it with someone who needs hope today, and leave a review - it helps others find their way to these conversations.
New episodes drop every Monday, so you can begin your week with a little light and a lot of hope.
For more stories, reflections, and ways to connect, visit www.DanielleElliottSmith.com or follow along on Instagram @daniellesmithtv and @HopeComestoVisit
I had to ask myself, why am I still feeding people who only take? It isn't that I don't want them to eat. I just don't want them at my table. Welcome friends. I'm Danielle Elliott Smith, and this is Hope Comes to Visit, a place where we name the hard things and notice how we grow around them. I'm really grateful you're here. For today's episode, I want to invite you to my table. Come sit with me. We're friends, right? Or for the purposes of our conversation, maybe you want to think about your own table. Picture a long table set for dinner. Warm light, place cards, the kind of table where stories spill over, and laughter is the very best currency. You might have wine or beer at your table. I mean, I'd be happy to serve it to you if you were sitting with me, but of course I won't be drinking it. But I definitely have something fun to drink. At your table, your life, who sits with you, who eats with you, laughs with you, speaks life over you, who cheers with you, for you? When my daughter was little, I told her she deserves cheerleaders as friends, people who will be as excited for her about big moments as she is. People she will celebrate just as much. So who holds space and listens? Who is there when you need them? Can you picture your table? Maybe the harder question is can you picture who no longer belongs at your table? Today we're talking about the table as a metaphor for your energy, your attention, your love, and the brave, very brave, necessary, also necessary, very necessary work of curating who gets a seat, not from cruelty, but from clarity, not from punishment, for protection, for peace, for growth. Take a deep breath with me. In and out. Now listen carefully. Your table is a sacred space. My table is a sacred space. Our tables are a sacred space. It's where our time, our presence, and our hearts are served. But the truth we forget, we set the table. We choose the guest list. And we can change it at any time. That's worth repeating. You can change who sits at your table, who has a place at your in your life at your table at any time. But why do we forget? Because we're taught to be nice, to be loyal, to be the good person, to be the bigger person. We confuse being kind with being available. We confuse history and destiny. And sometimes we confuse intensity with intimacy. The older I get, the more self-work I do, the stronger I feel about all of this, and the more adamant I become about who gets to sit at my table. You are valuable and important and sacred. And so is your time and your energy. Here's a simple compass. How do you feel after an interaction? That's data. Do you feel seen or scanned? Do you feel lighter or heavier? Do you feel nourished or picked over? If you consistency leave, consistently leave an exchange feeling smaller, tenser, or less yourself, that's your body whispering this seat is costing you too much. Sacred doesn't always mean soft. Sacred means protected. When something is sacred, you don't just let anyone handle it. That includes your heart, your time, and your energy. And I think we forget that. We forget how important and how valuable it is to be monitoring that and keeping it sacred. It's so important to recognize when it's time to let go. Not everyone who started with you is meant to stay with you. Some seats are seasonal. The love, the memories, the lessons. They count. Of course they count. The season has just shifted. You may have heard the phrase for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. It's a good one to remember, and there are lots of people who fall into those categories. But there are three patterns that likely signal it's time for you to move on. The first is the erosion of a relationship. There isn't one big blow up, but rather tiny cuts over time. You start to notice jokes at your expense. People are canceling plans for dinner, or there's chronic unreliability. Trust is a slow leak, but it's next to impossible to repair. Then there is explosion. You know what this is. This is when there is a rupture or something, a huge fight. It's named but not repaired. Maybe there's a big argument. Maybe somebody apologizes, but there's no change. It's a bunch of big words, but no new behavior. And then finally, simply stagnation. The relationship has no growth, no curiosity, no reciprocity. You feel as though you're the only one who ever reaches out. You need to know you're allowed to outgrow a dynamic that won't evolve with you. There are people who were once in my life who fall into all three of these categories. Sometimes we try to hang on out of loyalty or fear. Maybe we focus on the number of years we've had together, or we want to believe better of someone who continues to disappoint us or demonstrate a lack of character. But it's important to remember that choosing yourself is not selfish. I'm going to say that again for you. Choosing yourself is not selfish. I had to ask myself, why am I still feeding people who only take? It isn't that I don't want them to eat. I just don't want them at my table. It's okay to let go of people who constantly ask to borrow money but never pay it back. The people who have a loose relationship with the truth, the people who can't seem to celebrate you, despite your willingness to do so for them. And I get it. Letting go is painful, but so is sitting at a table where you are not being fed, you are not being nourished. Sometimes the grief of goodbye is the price of reclaiming your life. Think about that. There's grief there, but you are getting something back. Keep in mind that sometimes hope can be harmful. There's courageous hope, and then there's brittle hope. Courageous hope tells the truth and makes a plan. Brittle hope begs and bargains and pleads and keeps you auditioning for a relationship that only exists in your imagination. If your hope requires you to ignore your body, to hide your needs, or rewrite reality, that's not hope. That's harm. It's a sign that a seat at your table needs to change. So this is a good time for us to talk about boundaries. We've heard of those, right? Because that's how we start to change the seats at our table. Remember that boundaries aren't walls, they're invitations that say, this is how love works best for me. Boundaries define the conditions for connection, what we can give, what we can receive, and what we'll do when people reach those limits. Let's talk examples. God knows we can all appreciate a little guidance when it comes to setting boundaries with family and friends, and even at work. So I came up with a few scenarios to talk through. So what happens if you have a friend who only calls when they're in crisis? And well, it seems as though their crisis only happens in the middle of the night. This is an example of feeling used and unappreciated. Every time you see their name, you get that tightness in your chest. So what do you say? Here's an example. I love you. And I want us to feel good after we talk. I can't keep doing late night crisis calls. I'm available before eight o'clock. I can check in more fully on Sunday, but let's make a list of other people you can call if you need immediate support. There are alternatives to that, of course, right? So, but letting them know that you care and you're available, but you're not on call. Okay, so what about family? Have you ever had someone in your family who feels a touch too generous with their advice? Maybe about your parenting or your appearance or your career path or your current relationship. Yeah, same, me too. So how do you set a healthy boundary? Thinking about, you know, the holidays coming up. I'm not available for comments about my body or my relationship or the career path I've chosen. If we're gonna keep doing that, I'm happy to leave early, but I'd love to stay and enjoy the night. But you're letting people know, you're setting that boundary and you're saying, I'm here for the good talk, I'm not doing this. So, what about work? When work starts to make everything your priority and you aren't sure how it's going to be possible to get it all done. I mean, unless cloning becomes an option. So you've got all this piled up, and then they add this, so you can say, look, I'm always happy to help. But I need a clear deadline, and I need to know what I can deprioritize in order to make these new things happen. Otherwise, I'm gonna keep the original scope and the original list, and we'll go from there. You have to remember that boundaries are love with a backbone. It's basically you saying, I can't feed you here anymore. It's not cruelty, it's clarity. It protects dignity, yours and theirs. Now, if you aren't quite sure how you're feeling about a particular friendship, it's time for a little discernment. Maybe you've got too many people at your table and you're thinking, not sure how I feel about that. I mean, I feel like maybe I'll include them. Maybe it's fine to keep them. If you've got a pen handy, you can take a few notes. Otherwise, you can always re-listen. Um, there's a four simple ways to start to help yourself to gauge where these relationships truly stand with you. First, simple feeling test. Okay. This is a scale of one to 10. Do you feel lighter or heavier after you spend time with this person? Okay. So you walk away from that interaction and you think, God, that person filled me up. That's a 10. That person left me drained, that's a three. You're keeping track of those ratings for the next few times you see them and the pattern is going to tell you the truth, right? So are you keeping a seat for that person or are you thinking, maybe not so much? Next, you're going to ask yourself, if my table only had six chairs, who absolutely stays? Who becomes standing room only? Who are you moving to the balcony? Scarcity is going to clarify your priorities. Your life has a real capacity. You need to honor it. We only have so much time and so much energy. We need to give it to the right people. Now, time for a look in the mirror. Do the people at your table reflect the values that you're living toward, not just the history you share. It's possible to outgrow people. So you want to look for alignment in the three C's: character, consistency, and care. Chemistry alone is not enough. That's one to keep in mind if you're thinking about those relationships, those uh intimate relationships. And finally, what qualities in you have been fed too much? Are you people pleasing too much? Are you feeling not enough? Is there too much shame or fear in your life? It might be time to release some of those and then give a seat back to joy and self-respect. Now keep in mind, some people in your life have great character, but limited capacity right now in their life. Maybe they've been sick, maybe there's a new baby in their life, maybe they've been going through grief. So you're kind of blessing them, moving them to the balcony without making them wrong. That's love with nuance. That's not you saying not you, that's saying not now. If you're struggling to let go of a particular relationship, that's okay. Some endings deserve a little bit of ceremony. Our nervous systems love closure. Maybe you could write a letter that you won't send, say what you valued, say what hurts, say what you're choosing now, then shred it or keep it. Your choice. When you clear out seats, it can feel lonely. That's normal. Don't rush to refill your table out of panic. Curate with intention. But until you've created that space in your life for these new, healthy, rich relationships, you will not have the space or the capacity for the new and the good. When we dedicate too much energy to people who take and take and take, there is no room for the good to flourish. Keep in mind it's important for you to make sure to be the friend and the guest you want. Follow through with your promises, keep confidences, ask and listen. Offer practical help without keeping score. And my very favorite, be a cheerleader. Celebrate often and out loud. Your table grows healthier by who you invite and who you become. Protecting your table is protecting your life. You deserve to eat alongside those who honor you, feed you, and walk with you. Anything else? Let it go. Thank you so very much for joining me today on Hope Comes to Visit. It is always an honor to have you sitting at this table with me. If this episode resonated with you, even a little bit, share it with someone who's learning to protect their own table. You can leave a review, follow the show, and tell me on Instagram, either on DanielleSmithTV at DanielleSmithTV or at Hope Comes to Visit one seat you're reclaiming, or one value you're reserving a chair for. Your story, keep in mind, always helps someone else to feel less alone. And that's what we love around here. Community, hope, connection. I'm so glad you're here. And until I see you again, make sure you take very good care of you. Thank you for being here.