"Fat Elphaba doesn't defy Gravity" with Riley Thomas Weber

Please join me and Riley on a journey of finding ourselves authentically against a lot of odds, really. <3 

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

I would have loved to do performing arts. That is who I am. But it never mattered what kind of talent I had. There was never going to be a fat alpha. Fat alphab does not defy gravity.

SPEAKER_01 0:11

Sorry, I can't do that.

SPEAKER_03 0:23

I am so excited for today's episode. I'm really excited to introduce you to my dear friend Riley Thomas Weber, officially inducting him as a Babble Buddy for the Bubbly Babble. We talk about so many good things. And I think what's really great is like we're just at the beginning. We have lots to talk about. So this is the first episode of him joining me, and we talk a little bit about our bodies and how society has viewed our very different bodies. And we talk about life and human connection. And it's just the beginning. So thank you so much for tuning in. This is the bubbly babble. Oh my god, we're doing it. We're doing it.

SPEAKER_01 1:10

Finally, after how long?

SPEAKER_03 1:11

Um, you know, we're getting there. And you know, it looks so like pretty.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

Sorry, sorry, my I try not to get my feet in though. People are really into that.

SPEAKER_03 1:21

You I was gonna say, but like I'm not in a feet. This is my friend Riley.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Hi.

SPEAKER_03 1:26

Hi. Uh welcome to the bubbly babble.

SPEAKER_01 1:28

I'm so excited.

SPEAKER_03 1:29

We are officially inducting you as a babble buddy.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Babble, is there is there like a t-shirt I can get crop top version?

SPEAKER_03 1:36

Um what's really neat. So we met while I was bartending.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:39

And I do still tech technically bartend.

SPEAKER_01 1:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:42

Um, but I think what's really exciting is I am entering this new space where like I actually sit by you, it's fine. Remember when you said that he's a cat and he doesn't like to snuggle?

SPEAKER_01 1:56

Okay, be quiet. I think for 10 years and he still doesn't like me.

SPEAKER_03 1:59

Oh, maybe because you just beat him and rushed it.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

I that just happened. I can't help it.

SPEAKER_03 2:06

My dog's gonna scratch and as any ballerina's dog would, is honestly. Okay, I have a question. Yeah. Is ballerina is a gender-neutral term?

SPEAKER_01 2:16

Question mark? Ballerina is technically a gender term. It's for females. Um technically, you a male dancer is danceur, like d-a-n-s-e-o-r. Don't quote me on that. S? D-A-N-S, yes, danceur. Oh, but I say ballerina because I don't care about gender norms, and I call my I want to feel like a ballerina. I like the feminine aspect of ballet, and I like that side of me. So I always I started as a joke when I was a kid. I was like, I'm a ballerina, and now I just I've always been a ballerina.

SPEAKER_03 2:49

I love ballerina.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

Oh, I used to, I was a ballet dancer. Well, there's that whole like so.

SPEAKER_03 2:54

Here's the thing we're gonna tangent a lot. And if you listen to my podcast, I hope you have at least a little bit of ADHD because we just bounce and that's okay. Love. That's okay. So tell me about you. I know we were talking about me, but tell me about you.

SPEAKER_01 3:08

It is your podcast. Okay. Um, I'm a Gemini. Double Capricorn moon. Just kidding. I actually don't know. I think I'm a I think I know I'm a double Gemini. I don't know where my moons are because the app that everyone uses, I find it very confusing.

SPEAKER_03 3:21

Um, maybe we should do an episode on that.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

Oh, yeah, absolutely. I'm from Fargo, North Dakota originally. Whoa. Birth certificate says Fargo.

SPEAKER_03 3:29

Yeah, but you immediately accent when you say it.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

Yeah, Fargo. Fargo? It's it's very interesting place. Um it's a border city, so you're bordering Minnesota. Okay. So I lived in Fargo back and forth between like my parents lived in Minnesota, or Moorhead, which is the Minnesota side. Literally, you don't even know you're in one state versus the other. There's a river, but it's it's insane. Okay. But I was born in Fargo, lived in Fargo, we moved to Moorhead, Minnesota, where my sister lived in West Fargo. She was 20 years older than me. And I was basically raised by my sister, so I would go back and forth. So even though I graduated from Minnesota High School, because it has a better education system, my home was Fargo.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 4:12

So people get really confused. They're like, Well, Riley, you graduated from Morehead High. And I'm like, Yeah, but I was technically born in Fargo. That's what my birth certificate says.

SPEAKER_03 4:19

And what driver's license did you have?

SPEAKER_01 4:21

I had a Minnesota one.

SPEAKER_03 4:22

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

Um, I actually have epilepsy and I had a seizure, my very first seizure, right before I was supposed to give my license.

SPEAKER_03 4:28

I had no idea.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

Yeah, I don't talk about it that much. Not that I'm afraid of it. It's just something that like I deal with. I haven't had a grand, I used to have grandma's all the time. And then it was like from 15 to 22, I was a wreck. And that just affected me in every way, shape, and form, and everyone treated me like I was very fragile. Um, and then honestly, getting more sleep and not drinking soda changed my life. I was on meds for the longest time and I was a zombie, and I quit cold turkey after I had a seizure. I was like, I can't feel emotion anymore. I'm just such a zombie on all of these meds. Why be here? Yeah. So I quit cold turkey, and that was like I'd broken my back being a ballet dancer, long story. Um, and I had was in a back brace, had to take a year out of school, and I was I was doing school and dancing profession at the same time, so I'd do night school. And because I broke my back, all I could do was be in a back brace and do online classes on my couch. I got massively depressed, gained almost 80 pounds.

SPEAKER_03 5:26

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

And so during all of that, that's when I stopped taking my seizure meds, and that's when I was like, okay, if I'm gonna get back into shape, I gotta drop weight fast because I like went to the doctor and this this nurse.

SPEAKER_03 5:38

That makes me anxious. Yeah, but that's okay. We'll talk about it.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

We'll talk about I went to this nurse just at like the student center because I needed to go get um just some blood work done, and it was a nurse I didn't know at all. And she's like, Okay, well, you're in the obese category, and I was like, What? Um not knowing that she shouldn't have said that, apparently, said all the doctors. Um and that spiraled my first eating disorder, but um I just stopped drinking soda and stopped, it's mostly honestly soda, and I did like a no red meat for a long time and I dropped weight so fast. And then I think stopped having seizures.

SPEAKER_03 6:20

Interesting. I think an interesting thing because well, some of these people don't even know yet because I haven't talked that much about it because I think I'm still a little nervous, but like my big thing is helping people appreciate their body in any shape, fair, like shape or form. And so to hear a ballerina, right? Like somebody call you obese, and like oh, we could have a whole episode right now. Yeah, but like, did you ever identify with that before? Like this is a this is a lot to put on one human being. But like, no, no, no, not you, but like, did someone calling you obese, like, is that what drove an eating disorder? No.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

Okay. And I've been in therapy for a long time.

SPEAKER_03 7:06

We love therapy here.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

I can understand, I I am fully aware of where everything started, how everything started. So it's actually really cool. Not cool, but like it's cool that I can like go back and look at it. It is. So I grew up, I am the shortest male in my family, and I am six foot four. You should see us stand up next to each other. It's embarrassing.

SPEAKER_03 7:26

There's a reason we're sitting down.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

I have a female cousin on that side, on my dad, it's all on my dad's side, who is shorter than me, but she's six one. Gosh. Like Olympic level high jumper.

SPEAKER_03 7:40

Clearly.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

Um, so I got my dad's height, but on my mom's side, everyone is like 5'5 and tech clinically morbidly obese.

SPEAKER_03 7:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:49

So growing up, I have a brother that's taller than me, but got was tall and obese. I was tall and very thin. Wow. Real thin until about 12.

SPEAKER_00 7:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:59

And that's when my whole perspective changed was seventh grade. Because I was always known for being skinny.

SPEAKER_03 8:06

I had I actually Oh, this is gonna be our whole episode. Everything else seems really, really great. This is what we're talking about today.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

Um I I figured. Yeah. Um I uh I was known for being then, I actually have RFID, avoidant restrictive food intake disorder.

SPEAKER_00 8:23

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 8:24

Which was diagnosed early in life and then I didn't know about it. So when you go back and look at my medical records, like it's on my chart, but then it just slowly got glossed over because the treatment that I went through as a five-year-old was very traumatic.

SPEAKER_03 8:38

I cannot imagine.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

So, like when they tell you someone with RFID, which if you don't know what it is, it it's in a lot of different forms. A lot of people call it picky eating. Um, so I was always called a picky eater. I didn't want fruits, vegetables, any because I didn't like the way vegetables tasted in my mouth. Okay, we're gonna pause this because you've gotta go outside. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:59

That's that's you got this.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

Can I pause this just so it doesn't take up space? You don't realize how like charismatic you are, just in general. Like when you're around, even as like your friend, you light up a room. That's why I was so happy to have you at EDC for that, even if it was just for that four hours. Because I get your personality, you need to be like this, especially when you're overstimulated.

SPEAKER_03 9:20

I don't think that we've done a recap together about EDC. With the next week, yeah, but like you you saved my EDC. Oh and you so you saying that is really wonderful to me because you single-handedly you saved EDC for me.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

Yeah. So well, I get it. And I I like we were talking off mic as being someone new to the gay like party scene, like not feeling enough. Yeah. But like loving the party and loving the DJ. Yes. It's hard when you're in an environment where you're overstimulated and you don't feel like you belong. So to have like an anchor point, I think is super duper important.

SPEAKER_03 10:00

It was amazing. We'll definitely talk about that.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

I love it.

SPEAKER_03 10:03

Okay, what were we talking about?

SPEAKER_01 10:04

We were talking about how I have RFED and then I said picky eating. So people have always said I was like a picky eater. Like I've never had lettuce, I'm 35. Oh, and so they tried lots of therapies with me as a kid. One of them traumatizing. One of them was literally tie me to a chair. A doctor tied me to a chair, held my mouth open, and tried to put food in my mouth. So they know not to do that now. But they didn't know what it was back then. And I'm from North Dakota. Like, can you imagine how great the healthcare system is? So as long as I was eating, like kindergarten child services showed up at my house because my teacher reported that I was starving.

SPEAKER_03 10:38

Because you were also so thin.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

I was so thin and I wasn't eating, but I would go home and I'd eat a shit ton. It was just it was I liked foods that were bland, no flavor, white, potatoes, chickens, anything like that. Uh, would you consider yourself on a neurodiverse spectrum of some sort? I realized this in the last year, honestly.

SPEAKER_03 11:00

Okay, great. Yeah, I love talking about it. Um, I have realized through raising my first son, nine-year-old, that like that kid is neurodiverse and it is copy-paste my genes 100%.

SPEAKER_01 11:12

I did not talk till I was 10. Words did not come out of my mouth in front of people I did not feel safe until I was 10.

SPEAKER_03 11:18

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 11:19

So there were so many things wrong with me. The fact that I can't shut up now is so ironic. I'm just making up for last time. But it's that's why I was a musician, I was a dancer because I didn't have to talk.

SPEAKER_03 11:29

Yeah, interesting.

SPEAKER_01 11:31

So that's but we were talking about body.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

Um, okay, so we were talking about growing up and our bodies.

SPEAKER_01 11:36

And figuring out where I can pinpoint where my eating disorder started. Yeah. So again, I had all this stuff growing up. Puberty hit me like a brick. It's like I got the gain weight part, but nothing else. No like leg hair, no voice change. So I remember sixth grade, I didn't get into the summer musical. And I found out it was I grew up with money and then we lost everything in '97 when uh everyone got a Windows computer. Because my dad was an inventory specialist for the largest construction company in North Dakota. And he was like so close to retirement, but we had money. I didn't even know we had money, but we did. And then when everyone got a computer, someone created a program that can literally track inventory, which we all use nowadays. But back then they didn't have that. So they fired my dad a year before his retirement. That's mean. And then my mom had a stroke and a heart attack at the exact same time. Became a vegetable. All of our college funds had to go into healthcare because we lost our healthcare. There was no government protections back then, and no one would hire my dad because he was 60. So we went from three cars to food stamps in one year.

SPEAKER_03 12:41

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 12:42

And it like it was just a shock to my system. Like everything. So back to Wade, sixth grade summer. That was the summer of my dad. Had gotten a nice job again for two months, and then I fired him because I didn't tell him they just needed him temporarily. So my dad was with me that whole summer. We spent so much time together. I didn't get into the musical because I found this out from the director years later. Because I didn't submit a headshot with my resume because I couldn't afford a camera. I couldn't afford to go to the printer.

SPEAKER_02 13:16

That's horrible.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

So I was massively depressed. So what did I do? McDonald's was like 99 cents. I would like scrounge through a house and I would just eat. So I gained a lot of weight without knowing it. And I went to seventh grade, and the first day everyone was like, Wow, you got fat. Everyone said that. Everyone lost everything, and then it took like a year. My sister stepped in and took care of me. So she wanted everyone to look like I she wanted me to look to everyone else like I wasn't poor, even though we were going to food banks. Yeah. So I had a nice car, I was dressed in Abercrombie. I had extended relatives that paid for all of my arts and cello lessons and ballet classes.

SPEAKER_03 13:51

Which we're thankful for them.

SPEAKER_01 13:52

I'm so grateful. I would not be where I am without them. And a lot of like my ballet teacher scholarshipped me as a teacher now, I understand.

SPEAKER_03 13:58

Yeah. Um but you had something special that people saw. You have to you have to recognize it.

SPEAKER_01 14:04

I do. And it it was always hard feeling like I wasn't the favorite and or like I I was there owing someone something. That I could never show up and just be bare minimum.

SPEAKER_03 14:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

Like if we were going to an event and we had to bring something. What I was bringing, whether it be food or something to share, was always lesser than what everyone else had. Yeah. So I felt like I was born like I I felt like my life the rug was pulled out for me with without any notice. And all these things were hap quote unquote happening to me that I had no control over. So eighth grade, I got the stomach flu. And I had the most I had a friend. I'm not gonna I had a friend who you could say was my best friend for a long time. And I'm just oblivious to how she came across to other people. And I had the stomach flu. I couldn't eat, I was throwing up for a week. I came back, she goes, Wow, you look really good. That's the day I can pinpoint. And then actually the year before, we were in show choir and we had to wear white t-shirts. I was a seventh grade boy who went from being skinny to chubby real fast. So the mamboobs were boobing. Boobin. She thought it was appropriate to tell me that her mom told me I needed a bra if I'm gonna be on stage. I had this huge solo like singing my heart out, felt so good about that's the only feedback I got from someone who said I needed a bra. So then a year later when she told my leg so thin, I was like, and my like I was very believing for a very long time later in life. And I can pinpoint, I will never blame my eating disorder on anyone. That's part that's something you learn in therapy. Okay. Um, but I can pinpoint things that changed my perspective on it.

SPEAKER_03 15:46

I feel like that's really healthy too. Because then you can unpack those. And like, I don't know if you've done the work yet, but like, man, they probably said it because they hated themselves.

SPEAKER_01 15:54

And 100%.

SPEAKER_03 15:55

But still, and this is why we have to be careful. This is why you figure your crap out so that you're not harming other people.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

And but at the same time, I'm such an understanding person, like we're kids. Uh to a point, they're like we're children, and I know I I can't hold it against anyone.

SPEAKER_03 16:12

Um no, no, no. I hold it against your mom.

SPEAKER_01 16:15

So then get to high school, I was teased just generally until then, and then I realized that I'm kind of funny in like the bitchiest way. Like I can read I that's when I learned what reading was like you could read some of the fills.

SPEAKER_03 16:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:29

So all these bullies would like in front of everyone insult me, and I would quick whip back before I just laid down and take it. And everyone thought it was so funny. So soon I went from being the fat, chubby, poor, gay kid, even though I didn't know I didn't really know I was gay, but that's for another story. My my like coming out is not very interesting. It was just like, okay, cool. I have no trauma about being gay. I grew up in a church that gay is okay, so I have no religious guilt. My guilt is that I don't have any guilt about that that other people have gone through. I have to go through that.

SPEAKER_03 16:58

Yeah, you have plenty of other trauma.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

Yeah, very much, very much. So I became really popular really fast in high school, which made me very understood, misunderstood. Yeah. Because teachers, I've had teachers say I was afraid of you because I heard I would get called the principal's office all the time. I went from being like the kid who everyone was like, he's a star student, he doesn't talk, he does his homework too. He does his homework, he talks way too much, he's mean, he's a bully.

SPEAKER_03 17:20

Wow. And you're just trying to like make it.

SPEAKER_01 17:22

I was just trying to survive because I knew I knew growing up in Fargo, North Dakota, that I was not gonna be there for after the minute I graduated, I was gonna be out of there. So and I just didn't know how I was getting out, but I knew it would happen.

SPEAKER_03 17:33

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 17:34

So then I went to Minnesota, Minneapolis for college. I got a job with Ballet, Minnesota, and then I went to college for music and dance. So I was triple dutying it. And my first senior year when my back was broken, my grandpa, grandma, uncle, mom, friend all died within six months of each other.

SPEAKER_03 17:59

We're lucky you're here. I know.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

And I mean, I've never there's only one time in my life when I ever thought about self-harm, and that was actually like three years ago, but we'll get to that later. But that was a relationship problem. Oh I didn't know how to ever I couldn't dance, I couldn't go to school, I was broken. Everything, again, going back to control, was ripped out of my life without my say. My uncle died in a plane crash. My mom got a cancer screening because she had cancer that was like, oh my god, you're getting so much better. Got home, literally dropped dead. Grandma died of old age, grandpa brain tumor from he died during surgery, a surgery I he wasn't gonna do, but I forced him to get. And then my friend died of the same cancer that my mom had.

SPEAKER_03 18:40

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

And it was like non-stop. So I put all my effort into quote unquote what I could control getting healthy and getting back on stage.

SPEAKER_03 18:50

Yeah. And can we adjust the word healthy?

SPEAKER_01 18:52

Yeah, quote, yeah, quote unquote. Because I was very unhealthy.

SPEAKER_03 18:55

Thin.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

Very unhealthy. Yeah. Because I was eating veggie, chicken, patties, rice, and Gatorade zero. That's it. That's all I was eating. And I was going on the elliptical for an hour a day. I would not get off that thing until it said I burned a thousand calories. Oh my god. I would watch Once Upon a Time. That was my series. And then I would go dance. I would take the Gitter class. And I would just, that's all I did. And there was no weightlifting, there was not, there was no rhyme or reason to it other than burn calories.

SPEAKER_03 19:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:23

Burn myself out.

SPEAKER_03 19:24

Be be small.

SPEAKER_01 19:26

Be small. Because my first year in the company, arguably, when I was my healthiest, I was a little big clearly bigger than I was. I was just a bigger person naturally until I was about 25.

SPEAKER_03 19:35

You're 6'4.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

But I was a wider person in the ballet world until I was natural until I was like 25.

SPEAKER_03 19:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

And so at 21, I was dancing my best, and I had the assistant director. I was dressed in three costumes because it was like one scene tear off, next scene tear off. And she looked at me at dress rehearsal in front of like 40 people and said, No, no, no, you can't look like that. And I was like, What do you mean? And she's like, I just had no idea you were this big. And I go, Oh no, no, no. And she goes, and then she starts, she was mentally, very mentally ill. Everyone knows that. But then she starts talking to herself and she goes, Well, it's along in the ocean. The I walked off stage, cried, the whole thing was very embarrassing. The board of directors made her issue a fake apology in writing that I never got.

SPEAKER_03 20:21

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

And so that's when I was like, okay. So then my mom died. And then once I got quote unquote thin, I graduated college, started dancing the best roles of my life in all these different companies, everything career-wide was was happening. Um but I was miserable. And I because I had it process the death of my mom. Because she had been dying my whole life. You know, when you have, you know, at 10, she got sick and I she never got better. So I was like, oh wow. Then I ironically I got my wisdom teeth out. Had very complicated all the complications you could have from that. That's when I started getting violently ill from the meds. And that's when all of those thoughts from seventh grade going, oh wow, if I keep doing this, I'll be thin.

SPEAKER_03 21:08

I'll be thin.

SPEAKER_01 21:09

Even though I was thin. And it wasn't until a year later I was in the grocery store trying to find something to eat, reading the labels, having a panic attack that I woke up in the hospital. Because apparently I was at that grocery store for two hours walking around. I don't remember this at all. Literal psychosis. Until my heart stopped.

SPEAKER_03 21:29

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

And I had to be committed against my will to get into a treatment facility. Which made me worse. Of course. Because they didn't at that time have anyone else that they didn't have space for anyone that had my type of eating disorder. So they put me in group therapy with people who ovate. And which is for me at that time with my where I was mentally, I wanted to be the best in the room at everything. So I was going to be the same. So every time I would hear these stories that they would say in group therapy, I'd be like, You're like actually kind of crazy. Like you're talking through a puppet because you don't want to talk out loud. Like my head couldn't comprehend what they were going through. I just thought they're crazy. I need to be that level of crazy.

SPEAKER_03 22:17

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 22:18

And so I got to the point where I had to be, I think it was a 30-day, I had to be there for 30 days, and then I could check out on my own well, and I did. And I got better instantly. Wow. Because I met a boy. Yeah. And I didn't want to be sick for him. Not healthy.

SPEAKER_03 22:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:38

But it did save my life.

SPEAKER_03 22:40

And that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 22:41

That saved my life.

SPEAKER_03 22:43

That's awesome. That's really good. I'll tell you, so we have had different experiences. So I remember, and I think I might have said this on a podcast episode to my mom. The first time I remember being too big, too big, I was like in kindergarten. And I went over this girl's house who was like the tall, skinny girl in class. She was my best friend at the time. I won't say it.

SPEAKER_02 23:10

Becky.

SPEAKER_03 23:12

Catherine.

SPEAKER_02 23:14

With a K.

SPEAKER_03 23:15

With a K. Um, and she had these two matching outfits, and they were like um gingham.

SPEAKER_02 23:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:22

Like I can picture them. One was blue and one was yellow. And they had, it was like a shorts and a little top that you tie. I was six. And we both put on her outfits. And I remember being out of like her window looking at her mom in the backyard and her mom screaming at her to get it off of me. I'm too big. I'm going to ruin it.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

Oh my God. I like I can picture this scene in my head because I didn't have so many people like that.

SPEAKER_03 23:56

You know, and um, that was like one of the first times. And then of course, like I was quick early. So I remember one of the girls, she lived next door and over there. And she and the girl who lived next to me, they would gang up on me and they were like, You're so fat. Um, that's why there are cracks in the ground or something. And I very quickly said, Okay, well, does your mom have anything to hug when you come home at night? Which was also not nice.

SPEAKER_01 24:30

But I actually love that.

SPEAKER_03 24:31

Thanks. I was really proud. I was a cheerleader. Pee-wee, I did two years of pee-wee. JV, I I was like cartwheel queen. Okay. Like I literally would do a hundred yards of cartwheels because it made me happy.

SPEAKER_02 24:51

ADHD.

SPEAKER_03 24:52

Uh that it's true. Um, I didn't make the team because they didn't have a uniform for me.

SPEAKER_02 24:59

No.

SPEAKER_03 25:01

And they weren't getting uniforms until the next year. So um I didn't make the team. And there were girls on that team that couldn't cartwheel, couldn't round off, couldn't do anything. And I mean, we're talking about fourth and fifth grade. Um, what do you do? What do you because my mom didn't know what to do? And my mom grew up being chubbbier. And so one of the things that we've talked about, she was like, I just didn't want that experience for you. But I mean, I couldn't, when all of my friends were shopping at Limited 2, we were having to order from the JCPenney catalog. Um, I was always bigger.

SPEAKER_02 25:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:44

I knew at 13, I was told at 13 that I was probably never going to have babies because I was fat. And um, you know, my it's it's a thing that we've already mentioned. At some point, we'll talk more about it. But like in seventh grade, I was for my birthday, I was given a personal trainer. You know what I mean? And so it's just so interesting that these things happen and they they go on, and like one of the things that I probably wasn't willing to see when I was younger is that it is both sides. It you're net you you're never enough. And you know, I was like looking at my birds in the backyard.

SPEAKER_01 26:26

I love you so much, but I fucking hate birds.

SPEAKER_03 26:29

They're so pretty. But I love that there are so many different kinds of animals. I usually say dogs and it sounds more crass, and I don't mean it that way, but like we can look at we'll say dogs or birds, and we can say, okay, there's a bald eagle that's got a seven-foot wingspan and it's huge, and it's a raptor. And then we also have, I'm such a bird nerd, painted buntings that could fit in that cup and are three but like they're the most they're like primary colors that look like they're from a Crayola box. And there are turkey vultures that are absolutely disgusting, but they do there. There are so there are hundreds of thousands of different types of birds, but we look at humans and we're like, we all need to be 6'1, 120 pounds. What are we doing?

SPEAKER_01 27:14

Destroying the world.

SPEAKER_03 27:16

You know, we're missing it. We're missing it, and I think that's why it's just really important that you can fix it anytime. Yeah, and that's what I kind of love, you know.

SPEAKER_01 27:27

When you're instilling that in your children, and I think that's important because I watched my brother is taller than me and was bigger than me, and my parents, my mom was bigger, my dad wasn't, and I watched my parents try their best to try and quote unquote get him smaller because he was teased relentlessly, even though he was so smart and he was really good at sports. Like he was proof that like he was the best on the baseball team, best on the basketball team.

SPEAKER_03 27:50

I played softball, I was a cheerleader, I played basketball, I played soccer, I did swimming. It's not one of the things. I hated track and field. Um, and it's funny because I I hear like you talked about having some of the best performances of your life, and one of the most one of the turning points was not making the or not getting chosen in the sixth or seventh, right? Um, I knew so early that I was never going to be a leading role. And so a thing that I'm also like kind of figuring out right now is like like I would do, I hated college, I hated school, and I would just fill my credits with dumb crap.

SPEAKER_02 28:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:28

And so I did like eight credits of voice lessons one semester because I was like, I don't even know why I'm at this school, I'm transferring next semester. I just want to be around my friends.

SPEAKER_02 28:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:38

And this guy would be like, if this is where the ADHD comes in. He was like, if you would just focus, you'd be better than Idina.

SPEAKER_00 28:44

I believe it.

SPEAKER_03 28:45

But like he would say, like, you don't understand the kind of talent you have, but it never mattered what kind of talent I had. There was never gonna be a fat alphabet. Fat alphabet does not defy gravity.

SPEAKER_01 28:56

Sorry, I can't with that. I I agree with I agree with like what you're talking about in a sense. I just like that was I was not ready for that. I so I always do what I love. I'm my ADHD and my like spiciness, neurospicy, is um I'm obsessed with Six the Musical and just like British monarchies. Okay. Um, so I relate everything to Six the Musical. You are Amber, you would be the best Anne Boleyn musical. Have you seen Six yet?

SPEAKER_03 29:21

Um, I have not. I have listened to it.

SPEAKER_01 29:23

You were the green one.

SPEAKER_03 29:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 29:25

You would be the greener than is that Dylan right now or Abigail? Yeah, Dylan Melvaney. Or you'd be the red one. Um because she's just a baller bitch.

SPEAKER_03 29:33

Is that Abigail? Who's Abigail Barlow right now?

SPEAKER_01 29:36

She's that's me.

SPEAKER_03 29:37

Okay, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 29:38

Don't you I said I was sorry?

SPEAKER_03 29:41

Okay, I'm Anne Dolyn. Okay, good. Yeah, so I just I knew that like that was not the future that I wanted to, I would have loved to do performing arts. Uh that is who I am. Um, I am realowing myself to sing now.

SPEAKER_00 29:57

You you can sing. I've listened to your shit. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 30:00

Um, I just knew that I was never gonna be able to because of my weight, and so I had to, I would argue that I lost 20 years, which are now very important because I've had amazing experiences and I've learned a lot of things and it was part of my life. But like there is a part of my life that like I would have killed for, but I just I was told I wasn't allowed in that world. The best I could hope for is like Madame Morable when I was 40. Yeah, so like overcoming that is huge. And I think that you have you, okay. The way that you make a name for yourself doing what you do, which I've never heard of. I didn't know that this was a thing. He is a point, you're a point shoe fitter, is that yeah, yeah, it's the point shoe guy.

SPEAKER_01 30:53

Yeah, I'm the point shoe guy.

SPEAKER_03 30:54

The point shoe guy, right?

SPEAKER_01 30:56

Um I used to be called the like the my nickname was point shoe therapist, but then literally magazines started quoting me as a therapist. And I'm like, I'm not an actual therapist. It's just like you're not getting gay humor.

SPEAKER_03 31:06

You're like, I'm not qualified.

SPEAKER_01 31:08

Oh now I'm just the I've been the point shoe guy for a while now.

SPEAKER_03 31:11

So you have a really unique ability, even in your short appointment times, to really affect people in the same in the like opposite direction, but same way that people affected you. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 31:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:26

And I know that you do it because I have seen your content and I know who you are as a human being. And one of my favorite things is that people who have absolutely no idea about your craft love what you do because it's your energy.

SPEAKER_01 31:40

Thank you. I think what I try and do is like we were talking about earlier, I want to be the person that sees someone because the dance world is so cutthroat, and so many of us feel like we don't belong in it. So if for 30 minutes, I can be with you in a non-judgmental way and help you to get something, help you get something that's gonna help you get better, but also see you for who you are as a person. And sometimes it's really not that deep. You know, I would say half of my appointments are not that deep because it's a 12-year-old who just needs to choose. Yeah. But it's right now I have a huge population of adult dancers all over the world that are coming to me in their 30s, 40s, 50s, that either danced when they were little, didn't feel like they were good enough, or they dance now because they didn't have the opportunities when they were a kid and they still don't feel like they belong. And they say that I'm the only one that takes them seriously.

SPEAKER_03 32:30

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 32:30

And I love it. Like I That's huge in the world. I just posted a video with a stroke survivor and tried- That's deeply personal for you, I'm sure. I bald and I just posted it, so I haven't even looked at it. But uh, you know, obviously my sister died of a stroke, and she I don't know if she felt nervous, like I was gonna judge her that the right side of her body didn't work like her left. And I'm like, no, girl, like I got you. Like, and then she kept apologizing for like stopping speaking because she, you know, it's hard to speak when you survive a stroke. And I was like, don't ever apologize for that. I got all the time, don't worry about this 30-minute appointment. If we need two hours, everyone else can wait. Because I mean that, because there are I have lots of great stuff that could have been great content, but they were not in the camera frame enough because I wasn't paying attention that I can't use. That's okay, because that interaction with them in real life is more important than what the internet sees.

SPEAKER_03 33:16

And what I think is really important is like the stuff. I'm like one of those who's like, I think everything happens exactly as it should all the time, even though we don't always have our hands on the wheel.

SPEAKER_02 33:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:26

And like there are conversations that you don't even realize are that big, right? Not that deep, that are gonna hit someone at their deepest level. And I think that sharing gives you that opportunity unintentionally, which I think is really cool.

SPEAKER_01 33:39

Yeah, and I share at first I was really afraid to share like things other than point shoes because that's what I was known for. And I was really worried, like, it didn't resonate with people.

SPEAKER_03 33:49

Like well, I don't think that you had enough confidence. I'm sorry to interrupt. Yeah, you don't realize that you're the niche. It's you that we love.

SPEAKER_01 33:56

It took me a long time, and I went from like a hundred thousand followers to over 300,000 in two months the minute I started being myself.

SPEAKER_03 34:03

One of the things that I have found really beautiful and really interesting. So I lost my job a year and a half ago.

SPEAKER_01 34:10

Yes, I was oh, that was I was so sad for you.

SPEAKER_03 34:13

And we're gonna wrap it up. Um and I what I learned through that, I had to get a new job. I did get my job back, we're very happy about it, and now I'm in a new place and I'm very happy there. And it has shown me that that is not my future, which has been really special, and people don't understand it, and we'll unpack that at a later time.

SPEAKER_01 34:33

Is your career doesn't have to be everything about you, and sometimes your job is a job, and it's okay to be really good at your job and care about your job, yes, but also recognize that it's just a job.

SPEAKER_03 34:42

Well, and it's hard because even though I'm doing that job, it's really hard for me to say this out loud. So I almost want to let you say it, but you kind of did. It's like people were coming there for me.

SPEAKER_01 34:52

Oh no, I'll say it. So um you worked at an establishment that everyone goes to for the establishment, but at your particular part of that establishment, there was a huge community. I'm not talking to, I'm talking hundreds of people that would go there on the regular each week because they wanted to be around you. And when someone shines so bright, it makes other people feel like if they're not confident about their light, they dull themselves, and then that dullness makes them bitter. And I think that got in the way, and it was nothing to do with you.

SPEAKER_03 35:27

Oh, a hundred percent. You know, but um, I had to go to a new job and I had to meet new people, and I would find there would be these moments where like it was like my third day, yeah, and there was AM shift and PM shift and two new trainees, and I was like, oh my god, guys, like we need a family photo, yeah, which is just a silly fun thing and very just like who I am.

SPEAKER_02 35:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:47

And there's this moment where I'm like, I should, that's weird. And I like did it. And so every time in meeting this entirely new group of people, I would just actively choose in a way that I never had to before, like the me thing, and not the like I stopped worrying what people wanted me to say.

SPEAKER_01 36:06

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:07

And everyone loved me, and I felt really welcomed, and I felt so this like magic thing happens when you start just being yourself, and like you started being yourself and you exploded because that's what people want.

SPEAKER_01 36:20

And that's what I that's what I feel is so unique about what I do is no one has ever done I'm not saying I'm the greatest point shoe fitter in the world. You know what I mean? Like a point shoe fitter is has theoretically always been someone who owns a store and fits at that store or is an employee of a store.

SPEAKER_02 36:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 36:38

I can arguably say I'm probably the one of the first, if not the first, who fits point shoes who doesn't own a store and doesn't work for a brand anymore. I do it all independently. And because I go to stores because they want the sales, because if I announce that I'm gonna be opening up appointments at a store halfway across the world, within two hours, all a full day of appointments are stocked up. And I get to help a business out, get recognition, because then their store gets seen on social media by millions, like my videos. I'm not gonna lie, get like 20 million views. Yeah, so they're getting a lot of traction from that, and then I can do what I do, which is connect with people. Yeah, you get to you get to mold. I can sit on camera and say, I hate Nikolai, and what are they gonna do to me?

SPEAKER_03 37:23

I don't like Block, I actually like Block, but I can say that I'm going to get people on here that I don't know what they're mad about.

SPEAKER_01 37:29

Yeah, I I can say whatever I want because at the end of the day, you know what's really neat too?

SPEAKER_03 37:37

You get to be like just an extension of care for your clients. Yeah, like brands, and no offense, store managers, they don't care about the client. They want the sale.

SPEAKER_01 37:48

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 37:49

And the the authenticity and the integrity with which you get to do your job because of the way that you have designed it, it's pretty great.

SPEAKER_01 37:59

I appreciate that. And it's that's where I have to like accept that what I do matters because it's I'm still like in this, like my life exploded in the last six months in the sense of everything. Can relate. So I'm like, I last four flights in a row, two or three people have stopped to either talk to me, ask if they get a picture, or for me to sign something, and then I have to explain to the person next to me that I'm not actually like famous, famous. I'm famous in a very small world.

SPEAKER_03 38:27

No, you're famous.

SPEAKER_01 38:29

Stop it.

SPEAKER_03 38:31

It's okay for us to be famous.

SPEAKER_01 38:33

I I think the way you connect with people, I just think you're fun to be around.

SPEAKER_03 38:37

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 38:38

Like you make everything better. I wish like you didn't have so many obligations in your life, then we could be like, bitch, let's go do this, this could be that.

SPEAKER_03 38:45

But we're getting there.

SPEAKER_01 38:46

You're getting there. And I think once you hit a certain following on social media, it just gets better. Thank you. But also don't get addicted to it because Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:59

I have um we could very easily just like turn this into an entire episode of how obsessed we are with each other. Um, because I'm crazy about you.

SPEAKER_01 39:06

And I just if you were a man, I know. I know.

SPEAKER_03 39:10

Um, okay, well, you have to go commitments, and I love you so much. So this is like I love you. This is the first of many.

unknown 39:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:18

Yeah. So this is my this is my official babble buddy. Um, Riley Thomas. Was the middle name like really important?

SPEAKER_01 39:26

Yeah. I because Riley in North Dakota was always a girl's name. And so when people would see Riley Weber on things, like my dad would sign me up for things and I would get the girl shirt. He thought he signed up for me for T-ball one year and they put me to softball with the girls. And I had no problem with that, but it was annoying. So I started going by Riley Thomas at a young age, Riley Thomas Weber. Um, and I that's on everything, just because it's I'm all about breaking gender norms, but I do like being a man. Sure. And I want people to I don't want there to be a situation where someone's like looking for a girl ever. And like as a teacher, like if Riley Weber's on the schedule, like you don't know what teacher you're getting.

SPEAKER_03 40:07

Having um being a large white woman with an Asian last name, I can relate.

SPEAKER_01 40:13

100%. I want people to know what they're getting. I I would you could also just put like really gay guy as my name, and that would make me feel more comfortable than Riley Weber.

SPEAKER_03 40:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 40:22

Yeah, as an identifier.

SPEAKER_03 40:24

Okay. So we have lots to do. So we have lots to talk about. I would really like to like do a dance lesson with you.

SPEAKER_01 40:32

I can teach you.

SPEAKER_03 40:33

First of all, I don't think I need to learn as much as you think, but that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 40:36

I mean, we'll start with some kickball changes. I'm gonna do it right now.

SPEAKER_03 40:40

Um, thank you for being here. Okay, but but wait. But this is called the babble breakdown.

SPEAKER_02 40:46

Cool.

SPEAKER_03 40:46

Uh the bubbly breakdown, the babble breakdown, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 40:49

Lots of bees. Bubbly breakdown.

SPEAKER_03 40:50

The bubbly breakdown. I think that's right. So I have five questions, quick answers.

SPEAKER_01 40:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 40:55

Aliens.

SPEAKER_02 40:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 40:56

Okay, 100%. What is a sound, taste, or smell? Could be all that instantly will bring you joy. Clearly, it's not food.

SPEAKER_01 41:05

Joy, yeah, no. Uh sound is honest to god, the bore of a point shoe. The point shoe like smushing to the ground. That's a sound smell. Anything vanilla or Christmas cookie?

SPEAKER_03 41:17

Any like I might you did light a vanilla sprinkle cookie when I got it here.

SPEAKER_01 41:22

Um sound, smell, what was the other one? Taste orange fanta.

SPEAKER_03 41:27

Okay. I think real fanta is better, but that's okay. That's okay. Um what is your favorite word?

SPEAKER_01 41:36

Plathra.

SPEAKER_03 41:37

Oh, that's a good one. I think I would like to ask you a second, like a follow-up. What is your favorite ballet term?

SPEAKER_01 41:46

Oh, ballet.

SPEAKER_03 41:47

Just the term like how it sounds like the term, how it sounds, how it feels.

SPEAKER_01 41:50

Fuete, because no one can say it right.

SPEAKER_03 41:52

Wete?

SPEAKER_01 41:53

Fuete. I think I just said it right. Yeah, you did it. F-O-U-E-T-T-E. Everyone either says fuete or fuate. Fuete. Fuete. Like aloete, j'en ai aloete? Fuete.

SPEAKER_03 42:03

Fuete.

SPEAKER_01 42:04

Fuete.

SPEAKER_03 42:04

Okay. Um, I already know this because I did it correct today. What is the perfect cup of coffee?

SPEAKER_01 42:10

Well, that's not coffee you made. That was like a mocha. Are you talking about like coffee cup of coffee? There's a very different vibe.

SPEAKER_03 42:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 42:17

I no, I love what you got me. That's my Starbucks order.

SPEAKER_03 42:20

Okay, so what so then what's a perfect cup of coffee?

SPEAKER_01 42:23

Light roast with international delight, French vanilla creamer, only international delight. Coffee made, no. Okay. Only French vanilla, international delight.

SPEAKER_03 42:32

How much cream?

SPEAKER_01 42:34

I guess the question is how much coffee?

SPEAKER_03 42:36

Fair. What is a thing that you would like to be remembered for? So for me, yeah, to give some context, I would like people to say that I smell like cocoa, Chanel, and cannabis.

SPEAKER_01 42:49

Oh shit. No, mine is mine's probably a little deeper than that.

SPEAKER_03 42:52

Um but like a thing that you just like want to be remembered for a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 42:58

Always being myself. Because more I think one of the best compliments I get.

SPEAKER_03 43:02

I don't know what this is, but the kids do it.

SPEAKER_01 43:04

Yeah, this. I do it all the time now. Um, I think the best compliment I can get is when someone's meeting me for the first time and they say you're exactly like you are on the internet. I love that. Because I don't want to ever pretend like I'm being something. I'm not.

SPEAKER_03 43:17

I love that. Yay. Well, thank you for being in my bubble. I love you. And uh yeah, we'll see you like soon.

SPEAKER_01 43:25

Yeah, I'm like, I don't have a lot of friends in Orlando. I'm very popular, but I don't have a lot of friends. You're one of my only friends.

SPEAKER_03 43:31

I that's so sweet. Okay, bye. Bye.

SPEAKER_01 43:35

God, I love you.