What If Your Need To Be Right Is Killing Peace

We don’t actually want peace, we want to win. That single confession exposes so much of what’s broken in our relationships, our churches, and our online lives. We sing about the Prince of Peace and then walk right back into division, calling conquest “conviction” and retaliation “defending truth.” This conversation is a direct, uncomfortable invitation to face what we’re really chasing when we argue, post, subtweet, withdraw, or escalate. 

We dig into biblical peace, shalom, not as surface-level calm but as wholeness, restoration, and relationships made right under God. Shalom isn’t silence and it isn’t weakness. It’s courageous, costly peacemaking that steps into the mess to repair what sin shattered. We look at Jesus as the model: not neutral, willing to confront sin, yet never driven by hatred, domination, or vengeance. The cross becomes the clearest picture of peace as power under control, where “Father, forgive them” exposes our addiction to payback. 

We also bring it home with Romans 12 and the hard reality that we can’t control someone else’s response, but we are responsible for our posture. That includes the hidden war inside, bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness, and the mental rehearsals where we “win” arguments in our head. If you’ve been skipping peace and jumping straight to defense, this will challenge you and give you language for a better way. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review with your answer: who came to mind while you were listening?

Transcript

Shalom Is Costly Restoration

Jesus Confronts Without Hatred

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Hello and welcome back to Uncomfortable Grace, where truth and mercy collide. Let me just say this plain. We don't actually want peace. We want to win. We say we want peace, but what we really mean is I want my side to win, my view to dominate. And then we'll call that peace. Friends, that is not peace. That's conquest with a church label slapped on it. And if we slow down long enough to be honest, a lot of us would rather be right than be reconciled. We'd rather prove a point than restore a relationship. We would rather hold on to our ground than humble ourselves. And then we come into the church. We um lift our hands. We sing the Prince of Peace. We talk about unity and walk right back out into division. We're feeding that's a problem. That's a bloody problem, Church. Because listen, Jesus didn't say, Blessed are the correct. Jesus didn't even say, blessed are those who win arguments. He didn't even say blessed are those who dominate culture. Listen, he said, Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. And if we're honest, most of us aren't peacemakers. We're agitators with Bible verses. Well, hello and welcome back to Uncomfortable Grace, where truth and mercy collide. And today, today we're stepping into something that sounds simple. But if you actually live it, it will wreck you. Peace. Now listen, not fake peace, not surface level peace, not the let's just all get along peace. I'm talking about biblical peace. Shalom. The kind of peace that costs you something. So, reference, let's fix something right away. Peace in the Bible is not passive. It's not weakness, it's not avoidance, it's not silence. Biblical peace, shalom means wholeness, restoration, right? Relationship under God. It means things are as they should be. So when Jesus calls you a peacemaker, he's not calling you to stay quiet. He's calling you to step into the brokenness, step into this broken world and restore what sin shattered. And listen, that's not easy work. It's not light work, even. That is costly work. That's uncomfortable work, even. Because here's what we've done. We've replaced shalom with comfort. We don't want peace. We want no tension. You hear me? We don't want peace. We want no tension. And those are not the same thing. Let that sit for a second. Because some of us think we're peaceful, but really we just avoid conflict. We stay quiet when we should speak. We back away when we should step up, we should step in. We ignore when we should engage. Friends, again, that is not peace. That's passivity. And Jesus didn't call you to be passive. He walked straight into brokenness, not away from it. Let me say something that might bother some people. Jesus was not neutral, but he was peaceful. There's a difference now, friends. There's a difference. Jesus confronted sin. He flipped tables, he spoke truth that made people uncomfortable. But he never operated out of hatred. He never operated out of domination. He never operated out of vengeance. And the clearest place we see this is the cross. So let's slow down here, because we rush past it too quickly.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

Jesus is betrayed. He's abandoned, beaten, mopped, and nailed to a cross. And what does he say?

Giving Up Retaliation And Pride

SPEAKER_01 6:47

Father, forgive them. Do you understand how wild that is? That's not weakness. That's power under control. That's peace in its purest form. And here's where it gets uncomfortable for us, though. We love Jesus on a cross. We love Jesus on a cross. But we don't want to live like him on the cross. Because peace will cost you your right to retaliate. Let me say that again. If you're going to walk in the peace of Christ, you have to give up your addiction to retaliation. And some of us don't want peace. We want payback. So let me bring this a little closer now. Because this isn't just about peace. This isn't just out there kind of stuff, you know, that I'm talking about. This hits home. There have been moments, real moments, where I didn't want peace. I wanted the last word. I want it to make sure I was understood. And if I'm honest, I want it to make sure they knew I was right. And I can dress that up spiritually easily. I can say I'm standing for the truth. But if I actually check my heart, sometimes it's not truth I'm defending. It's my pride. It's my ego. It's the fact that I didn't like being wrong. And I really don't like being misunderstood. And so instead of making peace, I escalate. Listen, maybe it's not always out loud, at least for me, but internally, you know, internally, um, we're we're building arguments, we're replaying conversations, we're winning debates in our head. Do you know what I'm talking about? Does anybody else do this? Yeah, we don't talk about that stuff. But that's where peace starts. Not out there, in here, in the mind, in the heart.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

So let's get real.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

Christians don't think we love war. But we do. We love war. We just don't call it that. It's like that simple. We don't call it war. We call it defending truth. We call it standing firm. We call it fighting for what's right. And listen, sometimes that's real. It really is. Sometimes that is very, very real. But a lot of time it's just baptized aggression. We're uh we've become people who are more known for what we're against than who we're for, more known for fighting than reconciling, more known for dividing than healing. And Jesus is over here saying, Blessed are the peacemakers. Catch that? Blessed are the peacemakers, not the peacekeepers, not the avoiders, the makers. That means you step into conflict. Not to win it, but to redeem it. And let's be honest. Let's be very, very honest here.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

That's harder. That's bloody harder.

SPEAKER_01 10:57

It's way easier to fire it's way easier to fire off a comet. It's it's way easier to, you know, cut someone off. It's way easier to just be mean and defend yourself. It's way easier than sitting across from them.

Romans 12 And Your Responsibility

SPEAKER_00 11:24

It's way easier than looking them in the eye. It's way easier than fighting for reconciliation instead of division. Let's go to scripture again.

Exhaust Peace Without Naivety

The War Inside Bitterness And Unforgiveness

SPEAKER_01 11:44

Because this isn't just one verse in Matthew, this is a pattern. You see, Romans twelve says, if possible, as far as it depends on you, live as live at peace with everyone. That right there will preach. If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. That'll preach as far as it depends on you, not them you which means you don't get to control their response. But you are responsible for your posture. And then Paul, the apostle Paul, pushes it even further. He says, Do not repay anyone evil for evil. That's where most of us we tap out, we're done there. Because everything in us wants to respond. Everything in us wants to clap back. Everything in us wants to score points. But then he says this. You see, you see it guys? That's not passive. That's war of a different kind. That's kingdom warfare, if you will. Now, I know I know what some of you are thinking. Okay, Cody, so what? We just let evil run wild? By no means. No, absolutely not. Don't do that. That's not at all what I'm saying. There are evil people. There are real threats. There are moments where protection matters. I'm not calling you to naivety, and I don't think God is either. We're not naive. But hear me clearly. The default posture of the Christian is not aggression. It's not aggression, folks. It's peace. We don't start with violence. We don't lead with retaliation. We exhaust peace first. And for a lot of us, man, for a lot of us, we don't exhaust peace. We skip it altogether. We jump straight to reaction, straight to defense, straight to war. And then we try to justify it. Boy, are we good at trying to justify things. So let me take it one step deeper. Because some of you aren't at war with people. You're just not. You're at war inside yourself, right? I think some of you know what I'm talking about. Bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness. And you've carried it so long it feels normal. But hear me, that's not peace. And it's not strength either. Holding on to that doesn't make you strong. It makes you stuck. You're tied to the very thing that you refuse to release. And Jesus is calling you out of that. He's calling you out of that.

Choose Reconciliation And Act Now

SPEAKER_00 15:47

So let me bring this home. Peacemaking will cost you.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

You hear me? Peacemaking will cost you. It will cost you your pride. It will cost you your need to be right. It will cost you your comfort. It might even cost you your relationships because not everyone wants peace. Some people actually do want chaos. Some people want control. Some people want to keep the conflict alive. And when you choose peace, you expose that. But hear me clearly, friends. Peacemakers look the most like Jesus. Not the loudest voices, not the most aggressive personalities, but the ones who step into brokenness. The ones that step into brokenness and say, Listen, my friends, I'm not here to win.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

I'm here to reconcile.

Final Charge And Blessing

SPEAKER_01 17:08

So here's the question. Are you a peacemaker? Or are you just good at justifying your fights? Because there's a difference. Friends, there is a difference, and you bloody well would do yourself some good by knowing the difference. Some of you need to make a phone call right now. Some of you need to forgive someone. Some of you need to stop feeding uh divisive behavior online, some of you just need to repent. Because you've been stirring up conflict and calling it conviction. And listen, it's not. It's your flesh. It is your flesh. So let me ask you this. Who came to mind while you were listening? Don't brush that off. Don't brush past that. That's where it gets w real. What are you going to do about that? Because hearing this and doing nothing, that's not discipleship. That's consumption. And you know, this world, the church, has enough consumption altogether. We've got enough of that. Thanks for listening, by the way, but that's not the behavior that I'm hoping uh this podcast shapes in people. Be reconciled as far as it is up to you. Well, friends, thank you for joining us today on Uncomfortable Grace, where truth and mercy collide. And remember, stay faithful. Remember also that blessed are the peacemakers because they bear the family resemblance. Grace and peace, friends.