How to Trust Yourself Again: The Foundation for Alignment and Expansion - #9

We explore how self-trust erodes through small betrayals, then rebuild it through nervous system regulation, compassionate reframes, and seven practical steps that create proof you can rely on yourself. 

• how self-trust erodes through people-pleasing and overthinking
• signals of lost self-trust such as overexplaining and decision paralysis
• energy, alignment, and why doubt repels what you want
• fear as self-protection and walking with it anyway
• regulating the nervous system to access intuition
• seven steps to rebuild self-trust with micropromises and action
• journal prompts to anchor insight into daily life

If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend. Also, feel free to leave me a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to help me reach more women who could use this kind of message and support.

If you’ve been listening and thinking, yes, that is what I need, I’d love to invite you to book a free discovery call with me through the link below.

🦋  If you’re listening to this and thinking, ‘This is me - I don’t trust myself, I feel stuck, and I don’t know what I want anymore,’ I work with a small number of women privately to help them reconnect with their inner voice, get clear about what they actually want, and start making choices that feel true instead of forced.

You can learn more about working with me and schedule a free Discovery call with me here: https://stan.store/MidlifeConfidenceLab or DM me on Instagram

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📌 Leave a review, then email us a screenshot at midlifeconfidencelab@gmail.com and we will send you a beautiful free digital journal to help you work through some of your thoughts and get some clarity about what you truly want out of your li...

Transcript

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Welcome and Intention Setting

Kristin 0:40

You're listening to Edge of Real, a podcast for women rediscovering who they really are, beyond rules, roles, timelines, and expectations. I'm Kristin, and I am so glad you're here. Before I go into today's episode, I would like to welcome all of our new listeners. We are becoming a strong community of women, of people, and I want to thank each of you and let you know how much I appreciate you. So thank you for being here.

How Self-Trust Slowly Erodes

Kristin 1:10

Today we are talking about one of the most powerful and most challenging aspects of self-growth: trusting yourself again. Working through this challenge is probably the place that I see the most transformation in the women I coach. So when was the last time you truly trusted yourself? Without second guessing and without pulling everyone else first. You know the feeling when you've asked everyone else for advice, yet deep down you already knew what you wanted to do. Yeah, that's the little voice we've all learned to doubt. And self-trust just erodes over time, especially for women in midlife. It is so easy to lose it after years of caretaking and people-pleasing and adapting to others' needs. We start to confuse keeping everyone else comfortable with being safe ourselves. And then one day you realize I have stopped believing my own voice. So today I want to talk about what it means to trust yourself again, not just in big life decisions, but in the everyday moments that shape how you live and create and manifest the next version of yourself. So let this episode serve as a turning point where you start to deeply trust yourself again after years of outsourcing that trust to roles and relationships and external validation. Let's let this moment be the foundation for growth and expansion and manifestation and living authentically as yourself. So, how do we lose self-trust? Well, you know, it generally doesn't happen all at once. It's in those tiny moments where we override ourselves. It can happen so gradually that we don't even realize it until we're standing in the grocery store aisle and can't even decide what kind of cheese you like the most, hypothetically speaking, of course. That decision paralysis can be a telltale sign that you no longer trust yourself. And when we can't make that simple decision that has absolutely nothing riding on it, or when we say yes to something we don't want to do, when we ignore the nudge that something feels off, when we keep quiet to avoid conflict or to avoid being called too much. It's subtle, but over time, it teaches our system a very dangerous message. I can't be trusted to handle what happens if I honor my truth. And that's when we start outsourcing our power. We look for validation in other people's opinions, approval, permissions. We live from our head instead of our heart or our intuition. We ask everyone else what we should do

Energy, Alignment, and Manifestation

Kristin 4:05

because we've forgotten how to listen to that deeper knowing that is inside us. So how do we know that we're out of alignment with self-trust? It's when you start apologizing for existing. It's when you overexplain your decisions or feel compelled to overexplain your decisions. It's when you have that need for constant reassurance before and often after you make a choice. Feeling paralyzed by choices, even the small ones. Finding yourself comparing or shrinking next to others. But it's important that we see these as signals, not failures. They are your system asking, can I count on me again? So just like everything else, self-trust is energy, and energy doesn't lie. When you trust yourself, your energy says, I'm safe, I'm ready, I'm capable. When you doubt yourself, your energy says, I'm not sure I can handle what's coming. And the universe will always respond to your most consistent signal. So if you are manifesting something new, a relationship, a dream job, more money, but you secretly doubt your ability to hold it, the energy of that doubt pushes it away. It's the same law we've talked about before. The energy you live in is the energy you attract. So self-trust is of utmost importance when you are manifesting, because if you trust yourself and you trust that you are co-creating with the universe or God or a spirit or higher power or whatever it is you believe in, then you are more likely to be in alignment and to call in whatever it is that you desire. So ask yourself: do I have confidence that I can, or do I have confidence that I can't? That small reframe alone can shift things. One of the most healing things you can do for yourself is to validate the parts of you that you're trying to change instead of judging them. The version of you who procrastinated, she probably did that because she was scared. The one who stayed quiet, she was probably protecting peace. The one who sabotaged opportunities, she was trying to keep you safe from disappointment or so-called failure. Self-sabotage is really self-protection in disguise. And this is never about making excuses. You can say, I see why you did that, but I'm ready to move differently now. And that's what self-trust sounds like. I recently heard someone say, validate the negative, but choose the positive.

Fear, Safety, and Acting Anyway

Kristin 7:03

Now let's talk about fear, because this is where a lot of us get stuck. We subconsciously think, I'll wait until I'm not scared anymore, and then I'll do it. But if we don't do something about it, does fear ever fully go away? So here's the question I use with myself. Will I be any less afraid in the future? Six months from now, a year? Am I willing to never do this if that fear never goes away? And if the answer is no, then why not face it now? You learn to say, I'm scared and I'm still safe. I'm scared and I'm still capable. Because every time you act through your fear, you prove to your nervous system and your subconscious and yourself that you can trust yourself to handle it. And that is how confidence is built, not by never feeling fear, but by walking with it and continuing on anyway.

Regulating the Nervous System

Kristin 8:08

So let's bring this down to the body for a moment, because as with everything, in my opinion, self-trust isn't just mindset work, it's also nervous system work. When you have spent years second-guessing and overthinking or people-pleasing, your body has learned that safety comes from control. But true self-trust is built when your body starts to feel safe without control. So here are a few things that I practice. I ground before I decide. I might take a few breaths. I let my body settle before I answer anything big. Maybe I say, I'm safe to choose what's right for me. And then from that calm, regulated place, I'll ask myself the question or decision point again. So this gives me a minute to reset, but it also allows me to act from a place that is not trying to just stay comfortable because I have decided that I'm bolder than that. I don't want to just stay comfortable all the time. I mean, what fun is that? Another thing that I do to ground in my body is just through movement. You can literally shake fear out to discharge the nervous energy, go for a walk, do some yoga, whatever it is that you like to do when you move your body. And the last thing, and I know I mentioned this in every episode, but meditation. I believe in it 100%. And it allows me to really come into my body and be in the present moment and just regulate everything: mind, body, soul. So when your body feels safe, your intuition gets louder. And when you act on intuition, you reinforce safety. So this is that feedback loop of self-trust. You feel safe, your intuition gets louder. You act on that intuition and you reinforce that you're safe.

Seven Steps to Rebuild Self-Trust

Kristin 10:17

So I have seven steps to start rebuilding the self-trust. Number one, keep micropromises to yourself. Start with small commitments and follow through. It can be making yourself go for a walk when you told yourself you would, even if you don't feel like it. These little promises kept to yourself start to add up, just like the little betrayals of ourselves did too. So I used to tell myself that I wanted to work to banish the negative self-talk. I was harder on myself than I would ever be on anyone else. And I needed and wanted to change that. But at the time, I didn't trust that I would actually follow through. I'd been wanting to change that about myself for years and hadn't followed through so far. So the evidence was definitely there that I couldn't trust myself to actually follow through and show up for myself in this way. So when I was consciously learning to trust myself again, I would promise myself that every time I said something negative about myself, I would stop and say literally the opposite of that. And I did this consistently. It worked in a variety of ways, obviously. But it definitely helped me to trust myself again because I followed through on something that was a real challenge for me initially. By the way, it did get easier and much less frequent. Number two, ask yourself powerful questions. I have a few of them here. What would the version of me who trusts herself do right now? So think of someone you trust implicitly, someone you know will always follow through on their word to you, someone who will always show up for you, someone who has your back no matter what. What would she do? Because once you get there, that will be you. And I assure you, it is possible to get there to that level of trust in yourself. Another one you can ask yourself, who do I need to be in order to trust myself? And what must I believe about myself in order to be this person, the one who trusts herself? So this can help you one, get clear on who you want to embody, and two, challenge any false thoughts. You can also ask yourself, who would I be if I did this? And who would I be if I didn't do this? And this can help you stay in alignment and thus more able to trust yourself because you feel this. Number three, notice your inner dialogue. Replace can I with how can I. So when we engage our thinking brain, our prefrontal cortex, your subconscious tries to interject. And your subconscious takes in way more information than your conscious mind and would very much like to just go back to what is comfortable and what it feels safe with. So asking yourself a how question allows your oh so eager to be involved subconscious to say, ooh, let's see here. Let's look for evidence of how rather than evidence of why to stay stuck in the same old patterns. Number four, act on tuition. Build proof that you can rely on your inner voice. Notice every time you listen to your intuition and make sure you thank yourself for it. This builds more and more proof to yourself and your mind that you listen to yourself. Thus, you will listen to yourself more. And eventually you will easily be able to differentiate between what is a response pattern versus acting from your true self. Number five, validate yourself. You don't need permission to feel certain. Anytime I find myself falling back into the pattern of making myself small, I ask myself, is this something I do? If my answer is yes, then I do it. And this can be, for me, as simple as saying certain things or saying things in a certain way in a text. I have a very expressive way of talking in my text. And every time I have the thought that maybe it's too much and try to edit myself, I think, no, this is how I talk, and I'm going to be myself. And I have built the self-trust to know that I'm comfortable with who I am. I refuse to ask myself to be less than I am. Number six, reframe fear and self-sabotage. Let it mean that you're growing, not failing. And what if your fear or self-sabotaging behavior was reframed as self-love? What if we see it as you loving yourself and trying to protect yourself? We can say, thank you for loving me so much that you want to protect me. But I got this now. And number seven, take inspired action. After every insight, make a move, even a small one. So to this point, you have challenged your inability to trust yourself and you want to get out of that pattern. You have determined who you want to be and challenged the mindset of, well, that's just who I am. You have thought of the actions you would do as the embodiment of that self. So now you can reverse engineer. Okay, this is the person I would like to be. So what does this person do in this case? And what are some of the things you can do today that are more like what that person would do? And then, as we've mentioned, the more you do it, trust yourself, the more you are building proof that this is who you are. And that is how self-trust becomes a muscle again. So when you trust yourself, life feels different. Decisions get easier, relationships get healthier, manifestations arrive faster because your energy is clear. It's not about becoming fearless, it's about knowing that whatever comes, you've got you. And that is the

Journal Prompts and Closing Encouragement

Kristin 16:43

power of alignment. That's what it feels like to be your true self, your real self. So this time I want to leave you with a few journal prompts to explore, in addition to the several questions that I've already posed in this discussion. Where in your life are you still outsourcing your trust? What's one small promise you can keep to yourself today? And how would you act if you fully believed your intuition was always right? If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend. Also, feel free to leave me a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to help me reach more women who could use this kind of message and support. It is time to rebuild that foundation of self-trust in your own life. Not just in theory, but right now in real time. Work through the patterns that keep you second-guessing. Take aligned action and build the confidence to trust yourself again fully. Because you deserve to live a life that feels like you can trust yourself to handle anything. And until next time, I want you to know that I believe in you. Now it's time to believe in yourself and trust that you have got this. You are a badass and you can handle anything. Thank you so much for being here with me today. And remember, you're not lost. You're on the edge of something real. Love you. Bye-bye.

Coaching Invitation and Next Steps

Kristin 18:17

If what we talked about today feels close to home, if you're tired of dimming yourself down, second guessing every decision, or feeling like you've lost track of who you really are, I want you to know you don't have to figure it out alone. This is exactly the work I do with women in my one-to-one coaching experience. Together, we talk through what's keeping you stuck, reconnect you with the truest version of yourself, and create simple, empowering steps that help you move forward with clarity, confidence, and a clear path. Knowing the steps is one thing, but actually walking them out is another. That's where coaching becomes so powerful. I'll be there to help you stay accountable, to support you when old habits try to pull you back and to keep you moving forward even when the path feels boggy. Sometimes we all need a guide, someone who can hold the mirror, remind us who we are, and walk alongside us until we're steady in that truth ourselves. If you've been listening and thinking, yes, that is what I need, I'd love to invite you to book a free discovery call with me through the link in the show notes. I'd love to meet you and walk this path of rediscovery with you. Because the edge isn't the end, it's the becoming