#12. How to Find Meaning in Midlife When Everything Is Fine But Nothing Feels Real

The quiet question “Is this all there is?” can actually be an invitation. We trace the origins of midlife restlessness back to generational scripts that prized endurance over expression and to a Gen X upbringing that taught independence without teaching self-connection. That context matters: it explains why a life that looks complete on paper can still feel thin in your body, and why longing is not failure but a sign of expansion trying to surface.

I share a personal turning point that unfolded into years of choosing again. Along the way, we unpack the myth of completion, the friction between a brain wired for safety and a spirit built for growth, and the difference between anxiety and misalignment. You’ll hear how somatic cues - tight chest, shallow breath, a closed throat - act as a compass, and how honoring them shifts you from performing okay-ness to living with quiet confidence.

You’ll leave with five micro moves to rebuild self-trust: ask better feeling-led questions, listen to your body’s signals, spot the pattern beneath the noise, take one inspired action each day, and let consistency grow confidence. We close with journal prompts to help you remember who you were before the roles and rules, and to imagine what else is possible right now - not someday. If you’re ready to trade autopilot for aliveness, this conversation offers language, tools, and courage to begin again.

🦋 Would you like help walking through these steps, or with accountability, or deeper dives into these topics? Interested in learning more about working 1:1 with me to transform your life in your rediscovery? Schedule a free Discovery call with me here: https://stan.store/MidlifeConfidenceLab

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🎵 Theme Music: Home by Vlad Gluschenko @vladest_art — Home

License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

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Chapters

• 0:00 The Quiet Ache Named “Is This It?”
• 3:20 The Myth Of Completion
• 6:02 Generational Roots Of Our Roles
• 9:32 Gen X And The Latchkey Blueprint
• 13:42 Restlessness As Readiness
• 17:12 Friction Between Brain And Spirit
• 20:37 A Personal Wake-Up Story
• 24:42 Signs Of Midlife Awakening

Transcript

Kristin: 0:40

You're listening to Edge of Real, a podcast for women rediscovering who they really are, beyond rules, roles, timelines, and expectations. I'm your host, Kristin Hamilton, and I am so glad you're here. Have you ever had one of those quiet moments? Maybe in the car, doing dishes, lying in bed at night, when you suddenly think, is this it? Is this all there is? Your life looks fine on paper. You checked the boxes, kept the promises, played your roles really well. Maybe people even look at you and think, she's got it all together. But inside, something feels blah. Like you've been living on autopilot, going through motions that used to mean something, but now feel just kind of hollow. If that sounds familiar, this episode is for you. We're gonna discuss where that ache might be coming from, how to recognize what it is, and how to start fixing it. Because is this all there is? Is a call. It's your soul saying it is time to wake up. It's that certain ache that comes when everything looks great, but doesn't feel right. It's a kind of longing, but not for more things, but for more you. It's a quiet desperation, it's Sunday night dread, it's the doldrums, the apathy, the little whisper that says, is this really all there is? When I was in that space, it wasn't dramatic. It was fairly subtle. I'd be doing errands, planning dinners, and underneath there was just this hum of dissatisfaction, not depression, just a sense of, I thought this was supposed to feel different. But because we're taught to be grateful and content, that thought alone can bring guilt. We tell ourselves, I should be happy. But should is not the language of my soul, and I'm guessing it's not yours either. See, we've been raised on a checklist version of happiness and the perfect life. Get the job, find the partner, have the happy marriage, raise the kids, keep the perfect home, keep it all together, as if those are destinations rather than parts of a larger journey. And for a while, those milestones give us purpose. They really do. But somewhere along the way, we're just checking boxes, looking for completion. We start believing the story that once we've achieved everything, we'll feel fulfilled. And when we don't, when the noise from the kids quiets down, it can feel like a personal failure. This is the myth of completion, the cultural story that says once we arrive, happiness should follow automatically. To fully understand where this comes from, I think it's important to go a little into the generational context of women in our 50s, especially around parenting and cultural messaging and inherited expectations. You know, when I look at so many of the women I work with, and honestly, when I look at myself, I see these layers of where we come from. Women in our 50s today were largely raised by parents from what they called the silent generation or early baby boomers. Um, you know, those born in the 1930s, 40s, 50s. These groups were shaped by post-war values, economic recovery, and traditional gender roles. Our mothers' mothers generally modeled strength in a very specific way. They held everything the family, the household, the image, and were often praised for how much they could endure, having been taught that holding the family together was both their role and their worth. And our mothers' fathers, well, they carried the weight of providing, protecting, usually very quiet, sometimes stoic. Love was not spoken. It was the roof over your head, it was the dinner on the table, it was the rules that kept you safe. Our parents grew up in a world shaped by scarcity, hard work, survival. Emotional openness was definitely not the cultural norm. They didn't talk much about feelings, not because they didn't have them, of course, but because they were taught to keep things together. These are the people who raised our parents. These were the conditions they grew up with. Do you know the year I was born, which was 1973, my mom could not have a bank account in her name without her husband's permission. The banks didn't allow it. Really let that sink in for a moment. We grew up learning that being good meant being dependable, being strong meant not asking for help, and being loved often meant being needed. Then we became adults, mostly in the 90s, early 2000s, right in the middle of a massive cultural shift. Women's liberation, the rise of having it all. We were supposed to be the generation that could do everything. Career, family, self-care, growth, partnership, and all while keeping the house plants alive and showing up to every single PTA meeting with snacks, home-baked, thank you very much. Parenting advice emphasized achievement and safety. This was the rise of structured activities, some helicopter parenting, competitive schooling, and good mothering became equated with selflessness. We absorbed mixed messages, though, to be independent yet nurturing, to be strong yet accommodating, to be ambitious yet not too much. Our own generation has begun valuing authenticity, emotional awareness, and individuality, but that is a relatively new permission. So when today's midlife women find themselves reevaluating, it's not just personal, it's generational. We're breaking centuries-old programming, moving from I must hold it all together for everyone else's sake, to I'm allowed to choose myself. We're the bridge between the endurance generation and the authenticity that came with generations after us. Culturally, this has created what many midlife women now feel: this deep inner conflict between who we were told to be and who we actually are. So inside, we start to wonder: if I've checked all the boxes, why do I still feel like something's missing? Yeah, sometimes I think part of why so many of us in midlife are asking, is this all there is? Also has a lot to do with the actual generation we came from. So we're Gen X, right? The so-called lost generation. We were the first ones to grow up with divorced parents, working moms, afternoons spent alone with a TV for company. We were the latchkey kids who learned very early how to take care of ourselves, not because we wanted to, but because we had to. We learned independence, but that also carried this loneliness that came from not always having an adult ever present to witness our world. So interesting fact, the name Generation X itself comes from a feeling of invisibility. So that term was popularized by author Douglas Copeland in his 1991 book, Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture. And it was meant to describe people born roughly between 1965 and 1980, the first generation to grow up fully after the post-war baby boom and before the tech-saturated world of millennials. Kuplin's X symbolized uncertainty, a blank space, an identity not yet defined. So our generation was defined by being blank, being invisible, by what we weren't. We were this in-between generation, not quite analog and not quite digital. We were raised to be independent, but now learning that independence alone doesn't make us feel alive. This is why we were the lost generation. Our parents came from the generation of making it, of progress and keeping up appearances, and they handed us this blueprint for success that was mostly about stability: college, job, marriage, mortgage, retirement. And we followed it mostly. We checked the boxes, built the lives, kept it all together. We're practical, skeptical, and self-protective, and yet we crave meaning and belonging and emotional honesty. That's why so many Gen X women who are now in midlife are relearning how to trust and soften and connect. After decades of independence and survival, we're seeking depth and community and authenticity, the things we didn't get to rely on growing up. So this blueprint we were handed didn't leave a lot of room for what we felt. We grew up independent but disconnected, capable, but not necessarily fulfilled. We learned to perform being okay because that's what adults did. And now, decades later, we've built these lives that look fine on paper, but deep down many of us feel that familiar pulling of something missing. The question that we hear when the house is finally quiet, or the kids have grown, or the work no longer distracts us. Is this it? Is this all there is? What I find interesting is that lost might not have been the wrong word for us, but not for the reasons it was originally used. We weren't lost because we failed to find our way. We were lost because we were never shown how to connect deeply with ourselves. We were raised to be self-sufficient, but not necessarily self-aware. So I believe that's what this chapter of life is asking us for: to stop just surviving and start experiencing, to stop performing and start feeling, to stop living according to a blueprint that we were handed and start designing our own lives and our own selves from the inside out. This is where the aliveness starts to come back. When we stop trying to fix or prove ourselves and start asking, what do I actually want to feel? What does a meaningful life look like to me, not to anybody else? What if that restless, discontent feeling is actually an energetic signal? Your soul saying, I am ready for expansion. It's not failure, it's not ingratitude, it's a signal of awakening. What we call restlessness might actually be readiness. And this is not a potato-potato situation. They're not the same. From the psychological and energetic perspective, this makes sense. Neuroscience tells us that the brain seeks familiarity. It wants to keep you safe inside what it knows. So your brain resists uncertainty, but your spirit thrives in it. So growth, real growth, lives outside of that safety. And when your internal vibration rises, but your external life stays the same, it creates friction. That friction is what you feel as something's off, or is this all there is? When your vibration outgrows your old life, it feels uncomfortable until you expand your reality to match it. Our souls crave growth and expansion and self-expression. Einstein said, energy cannot be created or destroyed, only changed from one form to another. What you're feeling isn't emptiness, it's untransformed energy. It's your next level trying to come through. So, personal story here. I had the successful husband, the two kids, the moderately nice home, and yet I felt like I was fading into the background of my own life. I felt like I was scrambling just to keep one nostril above the water. Not from overwhelm, but from underwhelm, from the feeling of apathy and fear of a life not lived fully. I remember sitting in my car one afternoon after dropping the kids at their schools and thinking, if this is what having it all together feels like, I'm not sure I want it. There has to be more to it than this. And that was when I realized I needed more out of my life. The discomfort wasn't there to punish me. It was there to wake me the hell up and to guide me. So I stopped trying to silence it. I started asking questions instead. What do I actually want? What feels truly alive in me and what feels said? If nothing was off limits, what would I be curious about? And those questions change everything. I didn't know until many years after that what I truly wanted, but I knew a few things that I definitely did not want. Most significantly, my marriage. It had been incredibly hot and incredibly cold for many, many years, leaving me with some serious whiplash. I was either put on top of the world or squashed so small I was a speck. And I finally realized I deserved better than that. And finally had the courage to start over from scratch. My kids and my parents were the only bright spots for quite some time as I treaded water for longer than I thought was even possible. They saw me for me, and that kept me going toward finding myself. Everyone was so shocked about it because they only saw what he and I had let them see, the perfection that I was supposed to be and have. So what happens after we start noticing that quiet hum, that itch, that friction, that sense that something is off? For a while, it can feel like restlessness, like you're pacing the edges of your own life, not sure what door to walk through. You might feel guilty for even wanting more, but technically everything's fine. But fine isn't the goal anymore. Fine is not enough. Fine is mediocre. And we don't want mediocre. We won't settle any longer. What's really happening beneath that discomfort is an invitation. It's your inner self, the part that's been waiting patiently, finally raising her hand and saying, I'm still here. I'm ready to live differently now. So what does the readiness feel like? You might notice it in subtle ways at first, little irritations, emotional triggers that feel disproportionate, a sudden craving for quiet or solitude, maybe even flashes of nostalgia for who you used to be, the creative and wild and curious version that got tucked away under all the responsibilities. These are signs that your nervous system is asking for recalibration, that your body is ready to release old patterns, the ones built around coping and proving and performing, the ones that kept you safe when you didn't have the tools or support to do more than to survive. And that's the beautiful paradox of a midlife awakening. The very patterns that once protected us are the ones we now have to gently outgrow. It's not about judging them or shaming ourselves for still carrying them. It's about thanking them and then consciously choosing a new way. This is where somatic awareness comes in, which I've talked about in several previous episodes. Actually, listening to the body's cues, the tight chest, the closed throat, the shallow breathing, constant fatigue. Those aren't just signs of stress. They are communication. Your body is telling you something about this life doesn't fit me anymore. And when we slow down enough to listen, we start to reconnect. We start to notice what feels alive and what feels heavy. And when we follow the aliveness, even in small ways, we start to rebuild trust in ourselves. And that's when we move from quiet desperation to quiet confidence. From asking, is this all there is? to realizing this is where I begin again. So how do we move from that restless ache that is this all there is feeling into something that feels alive again? We start small, always small, because rebirth doesn't happen in one single strike. It happens in micro movements, moments where you choose yourself again and again. When you start to truly listen to that inner restlessness, it shifts from being a weight to being a compass. It will lead you. So here are a few small ways to begin. And this practice is really about reconnection. Number one, start by asking better questions. Not what should I be doing, but what do I want to feel today? What would feel like me right now? If I didn't have to be anyone for anyone else today, what would I choose? If nothing was off limits, what would I be curious to explore? What's one part of me that's been waiting for permission to come alive? See, when you've spent years making decisions that keep everyone else comfortable, these questions can feel foreign and maybe even a little rebellious. But they are where your truth starts to emerge and where you start to become conscious of the changes that you want. Number two, notice what your body tells you. Notice what feels stuck in your body. Where is it? Maybe your chest, your stomach, your jaw, and breathe softness into that space. We've done a couple exercises in in previous episodes. When you feel that tightness, the fatigue, the irritation, instead of pushing through, pause and ask, what is this tension trying to tell me? So often what we label as anxiety is actually misalignment. The body almost always knows before the mind does. Number three, identify the pattern beneath the noise. If something keeps repeating, the same relationship dynamic, the same burnout cycle, the same self-doubt, ask yourself, what belief am I still carrying that keeps this pattern alive? And once you see it, you can challenge it. And then you can choose differently. Number four, take inspired action from your reframe. If you want to feel more alive, you have to live like someone who is. Do one small thing each day that breaks your own pattern. Take a new route. Wear something bold. Say no to something that drains you without explaining. Sign up for the art class you've been scrolling past for months. One small act each day that reconnects you to curiosity and aliveness. And number five, rebuild self-trust through consistency. You don't need a five-year plan. You just need to show up for yourself in small, meaningful ways again and again. That is how confidence is built. Not through outcomes, but through integrity with yourself. And as you practice these things, something will shift. You stop feeling like a passenger in your own life and start feeling like the one behind the wheel again. That's the moment of reconnection. That is the moment when you come alive again. So maybe the question isn't, is this all there is anymore? Maybe it's what else is possible for me now? These are small acts of aliveness, but when they're practiced, they start to open something inside you. So make the choice to see more. Reframe the longing. Longing isn't lack, it's evidence of possibility. It's expansion, it's a sign that you are growing. You are not broken for wanting more. You are awakening to your own potential. I invite you to see this time of your life as a spiritual and identity rebirth, a time to choose again. There is no rule that says that what you chose when you were 20 or 30 or 40 or last year is what you still have to choose today. This is the moment you realize that freedom isn't about reinventing yourself. It's about remembering yourself. You are in between who you were and who you are. Embrace curiosity and courage over control. When you stop asking, is this all there is? and start asking, what else am I meant to experience, to create, to become? That's when life starts to feel expansive again. So take this with you today. You are allowed to outgrow your own life. You are allowed to crave more depth, more truth, more you, even when everything looks fine. If you've been waiting for permission, I give it to you now until you find it for yourself. So I've talked about a couple of questions that could very well be journal prompts if you want to go back and re-listen to this episode and jot some of those down. And then I also have two others for you. If my soul could speak freely today, what would it tell me I'm ready for? And what parts of me have I put on pause? And what one small step could I take this week to put those paused parts back into motion? If this episode resonated with you, if you are feeling that pull toward rediscovery and expansion, please share it with someone. Let's start a revolution of women who are choosing more out of their lives. Also, leaving a rating and a review on this podcast helps me so very much, and it would only take a few seconds out of your day. So until next time, stay open, stay curious. Choose to stop sleepwalking through your life and start feeling into and embodying who you really are. And remember, you're not lost. You're on the edge of something real. Love you. Bye-bye. If what we talked about today feels close to home, if you're tired of dimming yourself down, second guessing every decision, or feeling like you've lost track of who you really are, I want you to know you don't have to figure it out alone. This is exactly the work I do with women in my one-to-one coaching experience. Together, we talk through what's keeping you stuck, reconnect you with the truest version of yourself, and create simple, empowering steps that help you move forward with clarity, confidence, and a clear path. Knowing the steps is one thing, but actually walking them out is another. That's where coaching becomes so powerful. I'll be there to help you stay accountable, to support you when old habits try to pull you back, and to keep you moving forward even when the path feels foggy. Sometimes we all need a guide, someone who can hold the mirror, remind us who we are, and walk alongside us until we're steady in that truth ourselves. If you've been listening and thinking, yes, that is what I need, I'd love to invite you to book a free discovery call with me through the link in the show notes. I'd love to meet you and walk this path of rediscovery with you. Because the edge isn't the end, it's the becoming