Feelings - Part One

In this episode the duo are in great spirits as Shean confesses to his father that he has been harbouring feelings over some family teasing. His Dad, eager to hear his confession and his alleged crime, playfully yet sincerely opens up on the reason as to why what was felt wasn’t what was intended. They explore and widen the understanding of how playful moments can lead to hurtful resentments when the line of communication becomes blocked, or emotionally disconnect based on negative commentary. We hope this episode makes you smile as much as it makes you think.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Yo Pop's podcast with me, Sean Williams. What are you jumping the gun for?

SPEAKER_00 0:37

I'm just in a hurry to think of things.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

And before I'd finished, as you'd heard, my dad would like to say something.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

Okay, blessings to you all. Oh, that's it. That's it. Okay, fair.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

Um, we're you're in a very good mood today.

SPEAKER_00 0:54

Yeah, I was thinking about to say the same thing about you. Don't worry about me.

SPEAKER_01 0:57

Why about you? Why are you in a good mood? Don't worry about the mood I'm in. Why are you so happy?

SPEAKER_00 1:00

Perhaps I'm just glad to see you.

SPEAKER_01 1:01

Do you know? I'm actually glad to see you. Yes, yes. There were times when you're not glad. No, it's not I'm not glad. Why would you put words in my mouth for me? No, no, no. Because you said I'm not glad. I thought that's what you were about to say. Exactly. You're trying to put words in my mouth. I was listening to you coming out. You know, you were trying to discern what was going to come out, you're trying to no. Okay, what was I gonna say? See, you made me forget my what I was gonna say. I was gonna say something nice. This is why I don't say as many nice things to you because before they come out, you're trying to grab them. Okay, no, I was gonna say that um, in terms of just yeah, the last couple of weeks, you've been doing very well, Dad. Thank you. Um, how's your morning been? The morning's been great. Um, how did you sleep? I slept well. Um can I say something? Sorry, I've just cut you off because you're about to tell me about how you've slept, but I need to say this to you. The Bible study you taught yesterday, okay, ladies and gentlemen, my dad broke down the art of giving. Um, and obviously you know his job, so he's always but he he he presented a practical a practical concept to giving that puts the onus on us and what we do. Indeed. And I think the biggest pull that I got from it, a lot of people I think that they see giving as how do I put it? They see it as a point A to point B. Yeah. They don't see it as an A to B, B to A, back to B, back to A. Yeah. They don't, they don't, it's almost like they don't get hold of what the reciprocity is and what it's supposed to be within giving. Um and I think that the information you gave yesterday and speaking about how the intention of giving is something that's from the heart. And anytime you're dealing with the heart, it's almost like a water tank. Imagine if sewage was getting into your water tank and that's then spreading that feed is horrible. And sometimes I think um because reasons aren't always from the purest intentions where gifts are concerned, sometimes you either might be trying to carry favour or you're trying to seed an idea and intention for later down the road, but yeah, the true um intention of giving is something that's very pure in heartfelt. I just you could tell you know when you're teaching a good Bible study because everybody goes really quiet. There isn't too many like interactive response, everybody's just like, oh my gosh, what intention have I been given with?

SPEAKER_00 3:44

So well done, Dan.

SPEAKER_01 3:45

Yeah, thank you. Um, the other thing I want to say was happy birthday. It was my dad's birthday like two and a half, three weeks ago. Yes, but no, don't say it like that because you'd been on a hiatus for about a month. Nobody knew well for a certain period where you were happy to come with you. So don't sit there and act like I just done. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're like I'm even remembering.

SPEAKER_00 4:06

You was on the you were on a good room, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

It was my dad's birthday a couple of weeks ago, so we all dad from um the Yo Pops universe. Okay, and to all your you've got a lot of fans. Really? The amount of people that messaged me telling me, I just want to hug your dad, and I was like, I don't want to hug your dad, that's weird. Oh your dad just oh, he's just he's so likable. Can he be my dad? Nah, I might be able to lend him to you for a fee. But honestly, dad, the amount of people that um I was I was walking yesterday, and one of my friends was just like, he just says the most profound things, but he's got this big laugh. He's like, and he'll give you something really profound. He's dad, I died. I was just like, you people are hilarious. So, dad, my mum better be careful. Um, anyway, actually, I'm not gonna say what you said before we started filming because it messed me up. Um, that as we've been talking during the last past couple of episodes about Men's Health Month, um, looking at mental well-being, I wanted to talk about feelings. Right. Um now, feelings is something that we all experience. Um it's something that we all have. Yeah. Um but many of us, we some people lean into them more so when making decisions, others not so much so because they understand that they're variable. Yes. Um I firstly wanted to just the first question I wanted to ask you was how would you best conceptualize the idea or the thought process of not only feelings but how we manage them?

SPEAKER_00 5:58

Right. I think that that um feeling it is such a common aspect or such a what's the word I'm looking for now. It's it's something that you experience so regularly that you take it for granted without really looking into the what it does and what and what it's all about. You know, and so the impact that feeling has on you, most people do not consider what causes it, yes, uh how it impacts your life in general. Yeah, I mean so important facets of feeling go unnoticed until something serious happens. For example, um feeling falls into different categories, uh, different things influences feeling. Can you give me a couple of examples of things that you're for example, when you think in terms of the impact of cognitive thought process that can bring a person into anxiety, stress, depression, yeah, and all of these uh kind of emotions, um it then leads to other things, and it is based on what your thought process is. Yeah. So your thought process influences how you feel and oftentimes how you react to that feeling, whether in a positive or a negative way.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

Dad, let me ask you a question. So then what is it that creates either the overinvestment in feelings or the lack of investment in feelings? Is it do you think that's down to the individual, or do you think that's down to the environment in which the individual is both.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

Um both. Because um a lot of people, their thought process is coming from their youth. Okay, from from from when they're young. Yeah. So those who have been in an environment that is what you call it um negative, yeah, then it creates this NAT, negative automatic thought. Negative automatic thought.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

It's the way you had the abbreviation already. You look at me like you like that, huh? It's just like, oh dad, sorry. Let me pull back in. Yes, we're professional N-A-T. Right. Negative automatic thoughts. Yes. Do you not want to call it like automatic, negative ant, maybe? Is ant a better? Uh no.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

Negative automatic thought. Yeah, that, yes. So we want that, yes. You could, you know, then you also have one one that is called fat F A T.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

I know how to spell fat that is. But what is it? What does it stand for?

SPEAKER_00 9:03

Faith failed. Automatic thought.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

But that would be like phufa.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

Faith failed. It's it's a word with the with uh film, yes. Between, you know. Okay. Are you trying to mess up my formulas?

SPEAKER_01 9:21

Yes. Yesterday, my dad was talking and used um what is it, GRs, right? Yes. And then you know what a GR is? It's a god robber. And then what was the other one? Or you could be a G L.

SPEAKER_00 9:37

You're a God lover.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

Ah, this one is brilliant. Ah dad.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

Um, so sorry. And you've forgotten M A S.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

What was that?

SPEAKER_00 9:44

And a night on survirus, you know. Behave yourself down.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

Okay. So, where were we before? So, Nat and Fat. But we'll start with Nat first. Yes. So these negative automatic thoughts.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

And uh of course, you also have um Pat. Who's Pat Positive Automatic Thought? So it's been Nat, Fat, and Pat.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

Yes, they're three sisters. Do you know what? We can't get on this well. No, because Dad, we're meant to be serious. There are people that are sitting there trying to come on for, and we're just joking around. So go on.

SPEAKER_00 10:25

Nat, fat, and pat, the emotional sisters. Yeah, so so what happens is that depending on what environment you're exposed to, yeah, it creates that negative. And a lot of young people, they grew up in an environment where there was never positive affirmation in their life. And because of that, it it sort of built in their mind this very negative aspect of their life. And everything falls into that energy, negative. It's always negative. If you say you love them, they span a negative side to why you say you love them. You're after something, you you, you know, and it goes on. Um, of course, uh PAT, which is the opposite, the positive automatic thought. Yeah. Some people are growing up in an environment where they see everything from a positive perspective.

SPEAKER_01 11:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:21

You see what I mean? And they get on in life because they see the end from the beginning and it's always looking good. Yeah. So therefore, it creates in them this kind of feeling uh of wonder and beauty and excitement. Then, of course, the one that is the FAT is more to do with understanding religious concept. Okay. Because when you are faith-filled, it takes care of, it's a superior feeling to both PAT and NAT. Got you. Yeah, because you are your your feelings. Precisely, it's based on more factual things, eternal things, like the word of God. Yeah. So when you have that, it's going to different things will trigger you.

SPEAKER_01 12:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

And that's what then see you see in people's thought what it is that they're thinking that triggers these um emotions, while for some it's positive emotions, you're gonna mean, and others is very negative.

SPEAKER_01 12:31

Yeah. Um, Dad, I wanted to ask you a question. When let's say you've got a parent and a child um relationship dynamic, and the child potentially has realized that some of their uh feeling expressions, um, some of their nat has come from what they've learned, but they've also now realized that they can change that.

SPEAKER_00 12:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 12:59

How would you then encourage or advise them to persist with showing something that is opposite to what they've been taught from a person that they obviously have to honour and hold in a certain position? And so it's almost like being a better version of what you've been taught without feeling the need to almost beat somebody over the head with it. Like, I'm I'm better than what you taught me. Does that make sense? Which I think sometimes my generation falls into a little bit because we've got access to so much information. Yes, and not only that, but we've been provided the space to speak about things that I don't believe your generation was really afforded that time of space. It was kind of like, well, let's get on with it. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. How would you suggest that they tackle that?

SPEAKER_00 13:48

No, I think um most people are what I call forward looking. Everything is forward looking, and sometimes the forward isn't reality.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

It's dream, okay? It's vision. So rather than deal with what you know, what is actual, people forget about that. But oftentimes that is what is impacting you. It's not the dream, it's not the thing down the road, it's not the next whatever you may dream or feel is gonna happen, but it's what has happened. Yeah, that is often time the catalyst of what you're experiencing, you know, leading to what you're most people are experiencing. So therefore, when I having to counsel people, which I find are suffering from um this, for example, NAT, is to not go forward with promising them um things that hasn't happened yet, because you don't even know if they have the capacity to deal with it because they are entrenched or chronically affected by their past negative lifestyle. So you got to go back in reality, but be beyond the foundation beyond the foundation that has been laid in what I call the third transition.

SPEAKER_01 15:17

So what you're saying is is that that person cannot look to the visual basis of their environment because you're going to almost a time before time where certain things were placed within the makeup, yeah, the environment then shapes, we then have these expressions and without even realizing these lessons are are passed on.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

Indeed, indeed. And so most people um look at their lives based on the time between birth and where they are. Yeah. When in fact, that's not really your life. No. That is, say, like the third transition of your life. There's a whole bunch of coding that goes before that. Precisely the point, and that is what you need to point people to that coding.

SPEAKER_01 16:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:10

You know what I mean? To help to help them to understand that the manifestation of their environment, since they were exposed to it, does not necessarily characterize who they are.

SPEAKER_01 16:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:22

It may influence their thinking, but they really need to go back to knowing who am I?

SPEAKER_01 16:29

So it's almost that a bit like the iPhone. That the physical manifestation of the thing isn't actually the thing. There is a circuit board inside that holds all of the information that when that's inserted to the physical machine, it makes it you have activation. Yeah. But nobody sees the you don't buy the motherboard. Does that make sense? Exactly. You you the you buy the phone that has the motherboard in it.

SPEAKER_00 16:55

But the engineer, yes, I mean, he's living in that space that you're talking about before. We understand, and that is where people um like what we do has to be those engineers.

SPEAKER_01 17:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

To sort of say, okay, let's go back to the motherboard and you know, readjust thing and bring that awareness to who they are. And I've seen it transform people's lives in such an incredible way that most people wouldn't even believe it. When you understand that the abuse you suffer at five, the criticism you suffer at six, the you know, extreme isolation you went through at different time, is not what makes you who you are. You're having the symptoms of those environmental problems.

SPEAKER_01 17:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:47

But you need to get to grip with the real you. You're not, I'm not going to offend the phone companies, but you know, you're not uh a Huawei phone, you're not uh you're not an iPhone, you're not a Samsung. You know, you know, you you you're an iPhone. That's it. The police can't get into your phone without permission, you know. So you know, and that's why people paid the kind of money for it, because it really takes you back to something that is safe, secure, and it's really who you are. That's the dad.

SPEAKER_01 18:24

I want to ask you something, and I don't feel like I need my key cards. The reason being, I want to bring a practical example to this conversation that we're having. Now, I walked over to yours and my mum's house on Tuesday. Now I went, why are you looking like that?

SPEAKER_00 18:50

I told you he was gonna I told you because he refused to live anywhere further than a three minute walk.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

It's less than that, it's like that I can run from my back door to your front door in 60 seconds. I always say, I wish somebody would try something because that I'd be there so quick. Um he's right, he's not wrong. Um, and it's great for when you need something from the fridge at like one in the morning. Something, yeah. I mean, especially where especially where the kitchen is, right? They're not gonna hear you. And if my dad laid out on the sofa, he you just gotta ease the door and you're away. Um now, as I was saying before, so rudely interrupted. On Tuesday, I came to my mum and dad's house. Like, you're not my dad. So why mum first and her dad? Because she's not here. Oh, okay. And when she watches it, she's gonna feel good. Okay, all right, okay. This is my mum. Indeed. So I came over to your house, and firstly, the first question I want to ask you is this I was talking to my mum, yeah? And she was explaining to me that her feet were hurting. Right? Yeah, now obviously, dad, I'm a solution-driven person. Yes, and then she says, Oh, sure. And you know her, you know, troublemaker too.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

Who's the troublemaker? Um, my mum. You, of course. Why am I a troublemaker?

SPEAKER_01 20:16

Yes, you just call me a troublemaker. When the f why am I troublemaker?

SPEAKER_00 20:20

Go ahead. No. We will know, we'll determine that enough.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

No, why are you calling me a troublemaker? All right, cool. So my mum's like, oh, my feet's hurting. Now, Dad, in my head, I'm a problem solver, right? So my brain goes, okay, Sean, we're gonna put up all the information on what we've tried to do to solve the hurting foot paradigm. Right, yes, Dad. I bought my mum some very, very trainers that were completely fitted to aiding the thing that she's talking about. Does she wear them, Dad? No, I'm not, it's a rhetorical question, right? No, don't worry, I'm not gonna make you incriminate yourself. You're fine. You just sit here and answer as diplomatically as you can. Dad, does she wear them? No, she doesn't. I was on tour. And I went into this shop, me and Marcus, and I wasted much of Marcus's afternoon looking for the perfect sliders. I bought them home, dad. Right? Gave them to her, she wore them in the kitchen for a day. Oh, these are brilliant. Dad, does she wear them at work? Hardly. When I see her, what has mum got on her feet? Daddy's little ballet-looking shoes that are narrow, and mum's got a wider foot, and the So I'm like, so I'm sitting and I'm talking to her, and as I'm telling her, so Mum, how do we fix this? I'm looking at her face, and her face is like, When did I say I wanted to fix this? And I'm sitting going, but I'm having this non verbal conversation, but I'm like, and when did I say I wanted to hear about this? Firstly, A, am I meant to fix this problem? B, how do I help? And C, is it just a feeling? Is she just wanted something to kind of indeed, indeed. No, no, which? You're just saying indeed.

SPEAKER_00 22:16

You're not saying I'm agreeing with what you're saying.

SPEAKER_01 22:19

What am I saying?

SPEAKER_00 22:20

You're saying that um she's not sure what is it she wanted? Whether to just talk or whether or not to genuinely have her feet fix. Something indeed. Which what am I meant to do? Huh?

SPEAKER_01 22:33

So what am I meant to do?