Feelings Part Two

In this episode it is the part two of the duo are in great spirits as Shean confesses to his father that he has been harbouring feelings over some family teasing. His Dad, eager to hear his confession and his alleged crime, playfully yet sincerely opens up on the reason as to why what was felt wasn’t what was intended. They explore and widen the understanding of how playful moments can lead to hurtful resentments when the line of communication becomes blocked, or emotionally disconnect based on negative commentary. We hope this episode makes you smile as much as it makes you think.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Solve it. I don't even think she wants me to solve it. Right. So you got to reiterate again why you went out and bought those very expensive and other things. Because for some people it takes it takes time to for them to assimilate. You know what I mean? That you deserve good things. And when you do get it, work with it because it serves a purpose.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

That one statement without me needing to dig any deeper, that's deep. Because I heard everything attached to that. Yeah. For some people, hard work is supposed to feel hard in every sense of the. Does that make sense, Daddy?

SPEAKER_01 1:08

Yeah, and it's also escapism, too. Because some sometimes, as a lot of people will say, and I mean, let's put it have a little bit more succinct. A lot of ladies will have a conversation with you. Not everyone, but a lot will have a have a conversation with you. I can't even for text. So a lot will have a conversation with you, not because they want solution. They want just an opportunity of expression. You know what I mean? And to have somebody who is going to listen, but not coming up with solution, especially those who are solution-driven. They just want you to listen, empathize.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

So I was meant to be like, oh, okay, Mama. Really? You got it?

SPEAKER_01 2:09

And just pat her foot like, oh yes, and that may it may be amazing how that could heal. I mean, just like sometimes when a person may be feeling a certain way because they feel they lack some money, and you suddenly said, Okay, you know, I think, I think I need to give you some. And immediately.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

Firstly, stop talking about who I give money to. Secondly, I hear what you're saying. Okay. Now we're gonna finish with this last point because I think it's gonna be quite deep. Do you remember we were sitting downstairs because my mum had me standing on chairs and putting up curtain rails, and you didn't want to get on the chair? Yes, you do. And then after you made me do what I didn't want to do, I sat down to talk to your mum. And then mum was talking about what she had in the fridge. And do you remember what I said to her? Oh no, I couldn't remember. I said that I'd bought some, I'd seasoned some meat. You'd seasoned some meat. Oh, yes, yeah. Of course, that was quite an interesting conversation. Yeah, and this is why I want to have this conversation. Okay. Because that's not what you should have just said. What? That was what's interesting about cooking some beef?

SPEAKER_01 3:24

Because um, it's a it's a new adventure for you.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

Now, okay. Let's go with that, because I like that. So, Dad, if a person is having a new adventure, what type of things do you think they may need, either, I don't know, emotionally or practically, to give them the petrol and the courage for this new adventure, Dad? What they may need. Yeah. Would would they need belief?

SPEAKER_01 3:51

Um, number one, they have to um have that belief in themselves that they will discover.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

If a person's gone to the extent of seasoning the meat, I'd suggest the belief is present and yes, right.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

It's there to a certain degree. Okay. So then what do you think your role is in that? My role is to inquire. Isn't it? Inquire and courage. Well, I can see you're already encouraged because that's why you're doing it.

SPEAKER_00 4:23

No, don't tell me what you're observing. Tell me what you think your role is supposed to be. Are you meant to be inquiring or encouraging?

SPEAKER_01 4:31

Um, I think I need I need to be inquiring because you've already been encouraged. Dad. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:38

All right.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

So then, whilst you're inquiring, what type of spirit do you think you should be inquiring with? A very uh, of course, naturally loving spirit. Yeah. And a kind spirit. Okay, now let me ask you a question. Uh, just one more and an investigative spirit.

unknown 4:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Now, out of all of them spirits that you just named, yeah, let me tell you what you didn't name. Uh-huh. A mocking don't know me. Because what you didn't see is that when I was talking to my mum and she was asking me about how I'm cooking down the beef, yeah, you didn't see the face that I saw you make in the corner to we're gonna have ourselves a big reveal today. I need to know because it's the first time I've seen you do it. My mum does it all the time. And Auntie Doreen came down the other week, right? And I was talking about cooking, and mum was bantering me so hard that I had to make fun of myself to make it not feel so bad.

SPEAKER_01 5:46

Really?

SPEAKER_00 5:47

But it was funny, it was actually kind of funny, and it was nice to see her and Auntie Dorian laughing. But there was a point yesterday where I was just like, now I don't think my parents are doing it maliciously, so I could laugh with it. Okay. But I also sat there and thought, but if I was, you know, my little feelings could have got hurt. Okay. So my thing was, I needed to first know one, what is it about me cooking that gives everybody such a big laugh in our family? Because when I do it, mum laughs, you laugh, Leon laughs. I'm gonna talk to Wallace about it. Secondly, is there anything that I do where you're concerned where I say stuff that I think's funny, right? Because I'm doing it from an innocent place, but sometimes you might be carrying it a little bit more. And third question, so don't forget the first one is what's the big joke? Okay, okay. The second one is, do I do this to you? And third, in families, Dad, like, you know, we we have little things, right? Because it's just what family is in this family dynamics. Yes. But let's say that there's a person who is the particular edge of a, you know, a light family moment, but maybe the family doesn't realize they're taking it personally. Does that make sense? And the reason I say that is because I remember when we were younger, my cousins used to love calling you Uncle Wally, but you didn't like it.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

Right.

SPEAKER_00 7:19

And the reason you didn't like it was because when you came to England, the connotation of that word as an adjective meant that someone was either stupid, silly, or behaving the fool. Right. None of the things which you are to coming from a different country and being in a new society, and you're just basically trying to fit in because you're not trying to. I can understand why that would be so offensive to you. And it took me time to understand it, but then I got to a certain age where I was just like, I remember when Wallace's friend started calling him Wally, and I went, I sat to myself and I thought, I wonder how my dad's gonna feel about this. But I've seen you kind of be really relaxed about it. Um so I wanted to ask those three questions that firstly, one, why is it such a big joke to my family when you're all here that I'm cooking? Two, what was the second one I wanted to ask? Oh, how does a person deal with like those pet peeves within their family? And three, is there anything that I do to you that I don't know I do that you secretly harbor? Which was actually question two that I switched round because I forgot what I was asking. Okay, which one do you want to answer first? And I can tell you them again if you need me to.

SPEAKER_01 8:33

No, I is I don't think it is um what it may perceive to be. Okay, it is something that is necessary. What is cooking.

SPEAKER_00 8:45

Yeah, I know that.

SPEAKER_01 8:46

Right. And especially you cooking. And the reason, the reason why, because there are good reasons why your accommodation is like one minute, as you just explained to the crowd, one minute flat you can get to my house. Very, very good reason why that is the case. So having taken time out and effort to ensure that you're not more than a minute run to my house. The reason behind that is that at any time, night or day. Yes, no, no, no. You said you come into the house and the door does not, you know how to master the creak. So that the door does not make a single sound to wake somebody like me up who at this the least sound wake me up, and yet you master the ability to creep in, open the fridge, you say take on whatever you choose and disappear almost like the Odinis of our time. Okay. So now to hear that you've graduated from that to now, you know, we're keep going out to buy season and to cook was both an excitement as uh uh a shock, you know what I mean? So you love to hide the shock. Yes. I'm thinking number one, after nearly nearly 40 years, it's I mean, what is it gonna taste like? Do you remember I was asking you uh what is it gonna taste like? Yeah, but I didn't sense it you were asking because you really wanted to know the flavor. Yeah, I wanted to know what it is because it's it's it's an adventure, it's a discovery, it's I mean for me in particular, you see. So so that is so isn't that that? Okay, so it is it is that element that's behind it, yeah. That's fair.

SPEAKER_00 10:49

And um number two, you said was Is there anything that I do where you're concerned that I don't realize is maybe impacting you a little bit more deeply than oh, yes, you do a lot.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

Of course. Like what the difference with me is that whatever you do, um I turn it for good. It's like negative and negative, isn't it? You know, negative and negative. What do I do to you? I'm I'm I'm coming, I'm coming. Okay. So you're like you have two negative, but I quickly take one and put it the other way around and turn it into positive. Okay. So uh if you and I think some some people uh uh uh know that um sometimes you would uh tell me off about things and um wonder if I'm if I'm sulking, I wonder if I'm upset uh about it, and I would tell you, no, I'm not, because I've learned how to turn the negative into positive into positive.

SPEAKER_00 11:51

So what you're saying is that you're processing the negative out to then turn it into into into positive.

SPEAKER_01 11:58

It's almost like an emotional catalytic absolutely. Absolutely, and it it works. It works for the simple reason that when you reach certain age, and especially in a changing world, yeah, you know what I mean, there's something you're not immediately um privy to or even accessed, have access to. So you do things as you would have done 20, 30 years ago, but it's outdated, it's not the thing. So to have someone to sort of point these out, you're gonna mean, then you have to adjust your thought process and don't go with anything negative but see the positive in it, which is bringing out some wonderful experience. And to give you an idea, I remember when the lockdown started, everybody's told to stay at home. But yet, as a preacher, I had to keep on preaching. But now I've got to go into uh using the media.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Yeah, the digital world. Yes, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

And you were brilliant, you know, yeah. But then you were there to, I think, guide, you know, to guide me in the process. Now, because of my experience in it, it was challenging to change, adapt into a world that was now brand new. So I had to trust you to sort of say, okay, you know what? This is how it ought to be. And even when at times you don't, you, you, you do it or you try, and then you sort of fall back, you have to be the one to say, okay, no, no, you know, you've forgotten that that's what needs to happen.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

So it worked. At first, if I had gone by my feelings, yeah, you know what I mean, not because you are being malicious in any way, but if I'd gone by my feeling because I've used to or my particular method, then I could be very take strong offense to it. Of course. But I know that your instruction critique is for my good. So I learned how to work with it. Third one. That's a brilliant answer, by the way.

SPEAKER_00 14:09

Tell me. Um the third one was that if there is a person listening to this and there is something that they're kind of carrying, and obviously, you know, I one of the things that I really love about the podcast is that when people talk about it, they always say, I can see the relationship and the dynamic between your you and your father's genuine. And so there are times, like you just said, where you know, I'm not always as forthcoming as I should be with stuff that I'm, you know, not happy with. So if a person's in a family where they're not maybe having these conversations, but these are some of the conversations they need to have, how would you then encourage and advise them to first process the information or the feeling within themselves? And then how would they go about laying out that conversation and having that with right?

SPEAKER_01 14:58

Um most people, yeah, especially young people, should know oftentimes is not what you say, it's how, it's how you say it. Yes, I mean that is the major issue with communication, um, especially with children and uh and parents.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

Now the parents spend most of their life guiding, look, you know, protecting, looking after, as it were, their child, and got into the habit of saying, okay, whatever I tell you, you do without too much question. Um but then the balance shift, the dynamic changes. And now the child is at age, and they having to make informed decisions on themselves, they are uh growing and they feel, okay, you know what, I don't have to take on board certain things, and I need to communicate my feelings and my opinion to my parents. Now there's nothing wrong with that, but if you're gonna take them in the spirit of love and humility and say, tell them what it is that you like about them or dislike, you'll be amazed the response you get. So I would say to any young man or young woman, to recognize that is never so much to a parent what it is you're saying. They can listen to you. But if you come with this attitude of arrogance and all the other negative stuff that people can come with and forget that they are who they are, you know, seasoned with age and experience, then that is where they're gonna problem. So I would say, you know, think about it, but approach them in love and affection and present it with the utmost respect.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

Can I uh add to what you said? I think we should come with the intention of corporately planting or replanting the seed of love.

SPEAKER_01 17:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

Because a fruit of love is not arrogance. Does that make sense, Tad? Yes, it does. It's not haughty, it's not angry, it's not disrespectful. And and in love, love doesn't mean you don't get to tell the truth. It just means you tell the truth with the intention for it to be a medicine and not a poison. Because I think you know, sometimes because of her, that sometimes we use truth as a shot of poison instead of something that can heal and medicate us. Yes. And so, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:50

And sometimes people um people, especially um children, they uh approach because they feel, okay, you know what? I am now an adult. I am have fit, strong, healthy, pulling down my own resources, etc. I don't need anything. So therefore, it they may feel it gives them uh the right to behave a certain way to their seniors. Um, but really and truly doesn't, and furthermore, one day you're gonna become those seniors and have your children. And you know, by then it'll be too late for you for some to do anything about it. So I would say that yeah, you can't ever go wrong when you approach things in love and affection. Yeah, you know what I mean, having respect to the years of experience that you don't yet, you know, crosses those boundaries. So yeah, that's what I believe will make an amazing difference in the lives of people.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

Dad, I love you. Love you too, son. Um, thank you so much to everybody that has taken time to sit in with us and enjoy this conversation. Please take this conversation, repatriate it to your friends, to your family, to the wider world that you frequently live in. Um for social media purposes, uh, YouTube, Yo PopsPody, um, Instagram, yo popspodty, um, TikTok, yo popspotty, and Facebook YoPopsPody. Um, my dad's personal URL at Bishop Linwell Williams.

SPEAKER_01 19:26

You sure it's not LA Williams?

SPEAKER_00 19:27

Is it Bishop Linwell Williams? Bishop Linwell is LA okay, Bishop LA, okay. Bishop LA Williams and obviously mine is Sean Williams World. Um, on to and also please like, subscribe, share. And if it's in your heart too, and you want to support what we're doing, we want to take this as far afield as we possibly can um and help as many people as possible. So if you want to donate in any way, shape, or form, please use the Patreon links that are below here. Um, we appreciate you massively, and we'll see you next time. All right, guys, bye.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

Okay. Bless you.

unknown 20:22

Uh