Dialing In with Brett
It’s sad, really. No one wants to start a podcast nowadays — so Brett stepped up. Dialing In with Brett is a dry-comedy show where comedian Brett Neustrom does what any curious (but lazy) person would do: cold calls people with his “hard-hitting” questions. Are all “boy moms” secretly in love with their sons? Do parking enforcement officers ever feel guilty? Do old people have sex in nursing homes? Brett’s got the questions. The guests have the answers. And you? I’m sure you probably have nothing better to do.
Critics are calling his unserious, light-hearted, and wildly dramatic interrogations a brilliant way to nourish the human psyche. (No critics have written in, but I’m sure they’d say something along those lines.)
New episodes drop every Thursday… Now, let’s dial the f*ck in.
Dialing In with Brett
7. is this the holy spirit or do i just like this song?? ft. a former church counselor
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This week on Dialing In with Brett, Brett questions which of the 7 deadly sins is the hottest, reflects on his “jumping” stage, and dials in a former church group leader.
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mass producing episodes
Speaker 2hi this is brett . I was dialing you in because I had a question . I , there's no way . Hello god , what a dick . Hey , wow , y'all , welcome back . I've filmed . Get this fuzz off of my fucking desk . Like , just like , let's try to be mindful with , like the set and just like make sure we're cleaning up shit , unnecessary shit , just so like , when I get to set I can be ready . It's just hard to like get into you know , work mode when there's just like shit everywhere . It's just hard to get into work mode when there's just shit everywhere . Anyways , we've filmed 47 episodes in the past 16 hours because my girls are moving cross-country , because I'm forcing them to uproot their life in New York to come to LA and work for me . Anyways , they are going back and they're moving their shit here . So in the meantime , we're mass producing this shit .
Speaker 3But it's been fun . You want to talk about how you're wearing a hat today ?
Speaker 2Yeah , hat guy . Holy shit , it's hat day , you paid $5 .
Speaker 2Casual Friday . Since I got 400 box tops , I got to wear my hat today to class . I don't know , I'm just . I wanted to try something a little different . I re-watched the last uh episode and I say , like how I get 15 views on this ? 47 times you guys got that part . And if you're here and you are a part of the intimate community that listens , slash , watches this shit , my god , are you here ? And I'm not gonna just continue to make the same joke , but just know , any opportunity where I say something about viewership just know I'm thinking about the 15 of y'all hold for playing .
Speaker 2I used to do background work and they would always like we're still rolling , we're still rolling . Like the like teacher voice , you guys , we're still . We're still rolling , we're still rolling . And like the like teacher voice , you guys , we're still rolling , we're still rolling . I know I said we're holding , but we're still rolling , as if it fucking mattered just to like walk behind a scene . I wish damn , I need to do an episode on like my background acting days . Yeah , I was in Sex Lives of College Girls . Stop freaking , the hell out .
Speaker 1But that was a physical version of you that , like , would not be recognized by most people .
Speaker 2Yeah , y'all don't know my old shit . By old shit I just mean like what I used to look like , what was like the original thing I was talking about , oh , but before that , oh , I'm wearing a hat Kidding , all is to say . I'm wearing a hat . Kidding , all is to say . All is to say , I'm wearing a hat . We filmed 6,000 episodes . Today , I'm really excited for this episode because , speaking of , like you know the different versions that existed of me , one being a background actor , this one was like a huge era of my life and I feel like I'm so different from this person , but it's so fun to look at my past lives now
looking like omi
Speaker 2. Anyways , this was my Christian era that we're gonna get into today . And I am I am no longer here Christian , but it's not . We don't . I don't have bad blood . You know I don't like , dislike Christians . Christian , maybe I was , I was , I was you , I was you at one point and now I've since again passed .
Speaker 1But like real , recognize real this is perfect , because we actually sourced a few pictures from this area of your life and we've sent them to your phone , if you have that on your person this also .
Speaker 2I feel like I've had so many lives where it's like each within the last , like seven . I feel like I've had seven different versions of me , like each one is like so polarizing from the one before and somehow like now . Here I am today and it's 10 images is insane . And here's what's so scary is like people comment on my stuff now . It's like you're going to look back at your outfit in 10 years and be like why did I wear that ? I'm like that's so fucking mean .
Speaker 3Me looking at a picture of me two years ago .
Speaker 2I'm like what do you mean ? You used to have that hair that was like the McDonald's M .
Speaker 2Yeah , it really did like fall perfectly please go to the next photo , that's so fucking insane and I need like I look like , why am I wearing like maternity clothes ? Like does that make sense ? Like I don't look pregnant , but it looks like I'm wearing maternity clothes . That's like so insane . I'm like that my brother took that picture and I'm like I just I feel like I need to like send him a text . I'm like , hey , sorry about that , sorry for making you take that your shirt was unbuttoned to a degree that I'm not comfortable with I like .
Speaker 1I dress like every lesbian in echo park , so he's wearing a shoelace belt and um pants that go up to above his belly button so high weight .
Speaker 3They also call them high waist , like an understatement below the breast low breast and then we've got a vertical striped button down um with some layered necklaces the layer necklaces .
Speaker 2It's like the dead bison antlers . And then I can't even see the second one .
Speaker 3And the sleeves are also rolled up to above elbow .
Speaker 1So , and his face .
Speaker 2I can't even .
Speaker 3Down . His face is downcast in a longing glare .
Speaker 2I have . That makes sense . Have I told you guys about Omi ? No , so my grandma we called her .
Speaker 2Omi , we're so quirky and don't even get me started , because you know I'm the first one to shit on that like peepaw shit . This was she's german , okay , and she didn't like oma , which is anyways . We went with omi . I sometimes look like her in a very scary way and I remember , um , I met my german relatives when I was like 10 years old and all they could say is like you look so much like your omi , which is like please don't tell a 10 year old boy that , because it will fuck him for life . Cut to me still getting actively fucked by my omi allegations and it's just like this version of me . So , omi , like why , why do I look like my nine-year-old grandma with with ms , like with so much love the next one , like I want to shoot that dunkin cup off his head and if I miss , I fucking miss , like my god , I'm gonna pull out a crossbow , like so much I don't know why . It was just like this era of my life is so like ah oh my god like you can't take me anywhere .
Speaker 2Get the fucking dunkin cup off your head , like it literally is that mean where it's like , oh my god , we can't take her anywhere .
Speaker 1The girl's so silly so Brett is sitting crisscross applesauce in front of the Dunkin Donuts flagship flagship location . Thanks and he is radiating a joy that I have never seen before . I literally like so happy .
Speaker 2I don't ever want to be that happy if I look like that , like I don't ever want to experience that level of joy , like I would rather like sit in my misery than have to be that version of myself ever again .
Speaker 3I've never seen like all of your teeth in .
Speaker 2For good reason .
Speaker 3You forgot the part where , for our audio listeners , where there is a large coffee .
Speaker 2Oh shit Sorry .
Speaker 3Sitting atop Brett's head .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 3And his hands are in a position next to his face Kind of emphasizing this .
Speaker 2Also a position next to his face kind of emphasizing this also like girl , if you don't get your curtain bangs out of here like I just want to snip that like my god and I thought you were straight during this .
Speaker 1I like genuinely didn't .
Speaker 2I was not attracted to women at this time , which is or no , I genuinely was not attracted to men at this time .
Speaker 2It's like I wasn't attracted to women , like , yeah , we fucking could . No , I genuinely did , have had not thought about a man sexually at this time , thanks .
christian & jumping
Speaker 2I was a Christian until , like , I moved to LA and I went to church for a while and that was when I obviously I got the chunky filas before I moved to LA and then , like I had them for like two months , took like a really horrible photo of myself that I like it's the Hollywood jump one again . I would not , like we didn't actually get into the jumping really fast just because this was like I . You could not get me to fucking stand in a photo if my life depended on it .
Speaker 2For like probably three years , I always had to do some fuck ass jump , why ? And it like somehow was related to being a Christian in a way that I'm unfamiliar with like why is it like , oh , I believe in God , let's jump , let's get off our fucking feet . Hallelujah , praise , be like maybe that's , but like also , I went through a phase where I would do kind of like a spider-man . I really wanted to have like a signature jump which I'm like there's only like four jump options . Like I gotta get fucking creative with this . So then I was like fuck it , spider-man jump . So I would do like a thing where I would genuinely jump up with one foot more forward than the other and kind of like I did that in front of the eiffel tower like what a good way to just like not get a genuine picture you always had the most beautiful backgrounds too .
Speaker 3Yeah , thanks , I'm come from money .
Speaker 2I'm kidding I actually don't .
Speaker 2There was something about being christian that just I jumped in every single picture . Like , genuinely I will . We're going to do a full jumping photo dump on the podcast Instagram . Also , I started a Pinterest called jumping the jumping through life . Maybe like girls , sit the fuck down . Like you're starting to piss people off , like why are you airborne all the time ? Anyways , I had to do that .
Speaker 2There's something sinister about that element of Christianity which isn't even the like , it's not even the Christianity part . It's just like what comes with it . It's like again , like you won't take a standing picture for the entire time . You believe in God , like that's at least that's my experience and it was .
Speaker 2I was involved with young life , which
god is second, VSCO is first
Speaker 2was this Christian organization , but it was more so like y'all like to have fun , cool , and then you just like play games and then you would like sing a few Christian songs , which was like , yeah , I can get behind this and all the people were hot .
Speaker 2So I was like , yeah , so I did it . In college I was like a mentor , which I actually did have to like mentor kids , which that part sucked , I'm kidding um , which that part fucking blew . But then I was just like it was such a weird aura that these young life leaders gave off , which , obviously , after I stopped doing young life , it's like , oh , they're racist , homophobic . So I don't fuck with young life and I like , very like it should be canceled . It should be getting canceled , um . But yeah , I was a Young Life leader and that was crazy and insane and just I was just in it for the aesthetic and I kind of feel like everyone was too . It's like God was second but it's like VSCO is first . Like you have to get a good , a good fucking picture , and like I , you , that was everything . Like if you didn't have a film camera , you were atheist so at our school you needed nice teeth .
Speaker 1Check . You've got that a nice camera , preferably a dslr camera that you could take the jumping photos with , but there is one Nikon that you could have , which I had to think buck .
Speaker 3You had to love coffee , like that was another huge thing .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 3Bio is typically like a Bible verse , or what do they call those ?
Speaker 2Bible verses , bible verse and like loves .
Speaker 3Jesus and coffee .
Speaker 2Yeah , and it was like even the coffee was performative too . I was like y'all don't like coffee . Actually also , something I was thinking about I wrote this down is all of the girls were like highlighter girls . No , all of them would bring their journals to everything and it just was like why are you , why are you doing all this ?
Speaker 2Have you had in like at least three patchwork tattoos that were random ? One had to be related to God . I almost got so many religious tattoos when I was in this era , which I'm glad I didn't , but all of them where I was like it's a light bulb , because God wants us to be the light Well , obviously a compass as well . I was going to get a backpack that said passing through , because we're just passing , just passing through till heaven . That's kind of cute . Yeah , it really was cute . I did like there is like a simplicity that I miss to being Christian and being in this community . Obviously like again , like once I stopped doing Young Life . It's like racist , sexist , homophobic , etc . So it's like I don't actually need to be a part of that at all . But it also was like you had to be like the best at VSCO . It was like competitive and like you had to get the coolest pictures , edit them the best and it was like there was rankings did you have a bible ?
Speaker 1yeah ?
Speaker 2obviously I like would never open that shit . It was crazy . I saw , um , this was after I stopped believing in God , but I saw a tweet and it was like I used to think I like felt the Holy Spirit at church or during worship . But then I went to a One Direction concert . I was like my God , like I have never felt something like this when I'm like worshiping , and I was like , oh , I just like this song and I'm singing with all my friends Like the yeah this , I just like this song . And I'm singing with all my friends like , yeah , this is just like fun , just like no , I just like this . Bridge fucking rips . I don't even know what I'm singing about , but , like my god , the melody is like insane
mega churches
Speaker 2how do you feel about like churches these days , having like coffee shops and like merch stores ?
Speaker 2oh I'm , I'm from a mega church myself , so , but I used to go to like a small church and then we like went to the mega church , which obviously I'm like okay , if we're like , yeah , I'm gonna get a six dollar smoothie every single time . Going to church as a kid is like so weird because it's like , oh fuck , now I just have to like entertain myself for an hour and a half because obviously I'm not listening . I would do this thing until I'm genuinely probably like 14 , where I would just lay across all of my family members legs , like it genuinely was like to an age where I'm like driving kidding , but like damn near , and like my siblings just like had to comply and if they're like what my parents would be like , just just let them like that's what being the youngest child gets you you can just sprawl across their laps during church service and they just have to abide .
Speaker 1If your friends spent the night on the weekends , would they go to church with you on Sundays ?
Speaker 2Probably no . I mean , my family would go to church most Sundays . It was horrible when you would be at a sleepover and you would get the like we're coming to pick you up for a church text fuck , did you dress nice for church like not really , because I went to a mega church .
Speaker 2What does that mean ? Um , it's just like fucking massive and it . That whole thing is like so funny to me too , and it's so hard to like take a mega church seriously . Everything's a production and it's like at the end of the day , it's like shit . Sorry not to get like religious here , but like shouldn't the like me , the reason you're walking into those doors be because of him ? It shouldn't be about the six dollar smoothies , it , and it shouldn't be about this , the , the stadium seating , mm-mm , it's not him .
Speaker 2But genuinely like what the hell Like ? Why do we need a coffee shop ? Like also Vacation Bible School . They would take like current pop songs and then make them God-related . Let me think of one what's ? Oh , sometimes I get a god feeling . No way , yeah , I get a feeling . Okay , that part's I got feeling were you like a teacher ?
Speaker 1yeah , what ?
Speaker 2fuck yeah . Well , obviously , like I had to get silver cord hours , I had to volunteer 50 hours , and so I was like , fuck it , I'll do vacation Bible school , cause it's like what all the hot people did .
the big decision: confirmation
Speaker 2I did confirmation , which is like what you do when you're in like seventh and eighth grade , to just like confirm you believe in God , I guess . Which is like , why do I have to confirm it ? Like why do I have to go to church every Wednesday for a full like three years just to be like I swear to God , I believe in him ? Like why do I have to like just trust me ?
Speaker 1And they're like you're old enough now and you're 12 .
Speaker 2Yeah , no , it's like you have to make the big decision now . Okay , fuck it , I'll do it , because then I'll get $300 for my confirmation party . Confirmation party , sure ? Uh , anyways , the first year my dad was my confirmation leader no , what do you mean . And there was like one lesson where it's like premarital sex and like my dad fucked I'm kidding , but he did before marriage . And so they were like everyone was asking my dad like about , like , waiting till marriage . And then there was like randomly , like why do we have to talk about puberty ? It was just like so weird . And I , after one year , I was like you gotta , you gotta get out of here . And then , conveniently , my mom was the confirmation leader for like all the hot girls in my grade at that time too . So then all of them like we love your mom .
Speaker 3And I'm like don't look at , don't talk to her what are
chacos, feeling god, and baby ruth
Speaker 3things that that aren't religious but might as well be ?
Speaker 2Putting stickers on your water bottle . That was a huge thing too . If you don't have a Hydroflask , first of all you're broke . Second of all , you worship the devil . Like what do you mean ? You're in young life and you don't have a Hydroflask , get out and chacos yeah , you had , that was a non-negotiable . A nice journal um , a nice bible and obviously if you're a girl , you doodled on the side of your bible .
Speaker 2Um , also , a thing was like bitches love to like open their bibles to just like completely highlighted . The fuck up . You know the bitch who would just like highlight everything and it's like , no , but I'm only highlighting like important things , like you're just like wasting your highlighter . That's how I felt . I'm like not all that shit's good , like not all that's gonna be on the test , so you're just wasting your time . Also , if you highlight everything , then what's real ?
Speaker 1I mean this like I'm genuinely curious , you know I'm not trying to be a dick .
Speaker 2Oh yeah , you're about to roast me . No judgment .
Speaker 1People that , like you know , feel Christ through them and they're like raising their hands and like falling to the ground like during song . Have you ever experienced that ? If so , like ? Are you actually like feeling God in you ?
Speaker 2Again , I think it's just similar to like being at a concert where it's like , holy shit , this music is so good . I would do anything for this artist . But instead of your favorite artist , it's like a guy in his like 30s with ripped jeans and a fedora , but like can sing like nobody's fucking business if you were having a baby tomorrow and gun to your head , you have to name it like a biblical name .
Speaker 1Which one would you choose ?
Speaker 2ruth easy . My grandma's name is ruth it's a boy ruth . I mean , like you got matthew mark , luke john job what's the big bitch's name ? Starts with an s job's job . What have you been saying ? Job obviously get out that's one of the disciples you dick it's not chapters
picking and choosing
Speaker 2in the bible yeah , I used to be able to do the whole old new testament math , matthew , mark , luke , john acts , romans , corinthians , first cor , 1 Corinthians , galatians , ephesians , whatever , it doesn't fucking matter . Yeah , I used to be religious . Who cares ?
Speaker 1Bailey did not know that there was an Old and New Testament in the Bible . Oh my God , Go to church . Can you describe that briefly and what that means ?
Speaker 2I actually don't know enough . I was only Christian for like 28 years . I don't know what the old and the new testament is . I'm kind of new here . They didn't tell us everything . It is fun like being Christian because you can like , pick and choose what you want to follow . I'm kidding , but obviously I did take advantage of that . Okay , I am gonna have sex before marriage and gonna drink . I'm gonna do a few of my favorite things .
Speaker 3Um why is christianity to autumn , as grass is to green ?
Speaker 2yeah , I feel like christians just like thrive in autumn , which , like I feel like the christian girl autumn like is real . I feel like that type was like looked down upon in in my , my group , um , and they we just focus more on like the hydro flasks and having straight teeth there
gluttony photoshoot
Speaker 2are seven deadly sins , correct ?
Speaker 1yes ? Name when you moved to oh los angeles , my god yes or no ? I did which sin would you say that you portrayed ?
Speaker 2really good question , um . So when I moved out to la , I was doing some modeling , um , and this guy approached me . He's like I have like this really cool project , it's like the seven deadly sins , but like sexy . And I was like , okay , yeah , sounds satanic , I'm in , I'm gonna um . And he was like describing . He's like , okay , so like this guy I know is gonna do lust and it's gonna be like sexy , like rose petals on the bed . The other one's gonna do like anger . He's like okay , so like this guy I know is going to do lust and it's going to be like sexy , like rose petals on the bed . The other one's going to do like anger . He's going to be shirtless , like punching a wall , like sitting on top of a car .
Speaker 2And I was like , oh , yeah , hell yeah , okay , yeah , let me pop my top . And then he's like for you , we're going to do gluttony . Why , we're gonna do gluttony ? Ah , why ? Why did you think of me for that ? Why , why did you think of ? And he's like so we're gonna get a fuck ton of food and you're just gonna be like shoveling it . And you're , uh , don't think , but sexy , okay , okay . He also like did it at my apartment . I had two roommates , okay . So I did that shoe in my kitchen with my very , very bleached blonde hair , just shoveling just cold spaghetti in my mouth , while shirtless , with an apron thank you , the apron's yellow , thank you so fucking much .
Speaker 1And so is my hair , thanks a million you had to tell your roommates like , hey , don't come out and tell me I'm doing the gluttony shoot hey , I have the gluttony shoot at 12 , so try to be mindful about just like , using the bathroom in the shared spaces .
Speaker 2Um , before or after that . Um , I'll blast off a text like once , once the um photographer leaves . But yeah , so like , call me a fucking big back without calling me a big back , and for your fat ass , I'm like , choose a different sin . I'm burst , I can do any . Like , just choose the fattest one , all right , anyways , that fucked with me . Mentally kidding , actually . Okay , I think it's hilarious . Um , christian , what ?
Speaker 3is it really ?
Speaker 2christianity . What's it all about ?
god has a sense of humor
Speaker 3was there anything that like when you were in young life , slash when you were a Christian , that you were like judgmental of that ? Now you're like , oh , that was pretty lame of me .
Speaker 2Yeah , like most things that I didn't do , anything I didn't do , which is like luckily I'm still this way , but now I do more Kidding . But no , yeah , it was fun just picking and choosing the things that I wanted to be judgmental about . I'm trying to think of other things . Buzzer words this one , like they would always be like my friends . If you hear nothing else , hear this like the like my friends , bullshit , baby , you don't know me . My friends , um , uh , what else we got ? What else we got uh ?
Speaker 3you know other word feels very like religious to me on three buddy like hi . On three Buddy .
Speaker 2Oh , like hi buddy , yeah , hiya buddy , ew . Also season and chapter , like this season of my life . Just , you're pregnant . Like shut up , you got knocked up . Stop saying this season , this next chapter , you got in a car accident . What do you mean ? I also think , just like something that was so , was so funny , was like God has a sense of humor yeah , no , god has a sense of humor . Like after like something like fucked up happens , or like something that's completely not related to like anything . It's like no , god makes me laugh . Again , like after her grandma dies tragically , All
dialing in a former church group leader (aka brett's college best friend)
Speaker 2right .
Speaker 2Next , I'm dialing in a former church mentor . He also is my best friend from college , but he was there through this time of my life and saw me in a very weird and vulnerable stage . But he also was in this stage . And I'm also like again , we were mentors for children Like why us ? I feel like I was not mentally or physically prepared to you know like mentor a high school child high school child is crazy . It's like a genuinely like an adult . I'm like , okay , I can't raise this kid myself anyways , we're gonna dial him in am I dialing in ?
Speaker 4hi , chris , is this thing on ?
Speaker 2is this thing on hello man ? How are you hey ? Dude For context , chris just texted me that he's at work and he had to reserve like a conference room to take this call . This is true . We're just going to get right into it , because I'm in my garage and it's hot as shit , all right , so we're going to get into our young life era , and the girls actually wrote up some questions that I haven't even fully looked at and we're just gonna go through them .
Speaker 4Oh , girls , does the crowd know the girls ? Have you introduced them , the crowd ?
Speaker 2knows the girls , and the girls are no longer here with me for the next two weeks , and so I'm having to do shit on my own and it's like really horrible that is literally so . This is why you hire people to do everything . We talked about the jumping era . You know how like when I like literally would not stand on the fucking ground for a photo . Yes , why do ? Why does that feel like weirdly religious ? How would you describe young life ?
Speaker 4to to like the naked eye to the like , to the one who does not know what it is .
Speaker 2Yes , um , but like , not like in like a well , it kind of like was establishing the organization was , but just like like why do I feel like a dead ass ? Was just like do you like to have fun ?
Speaker 4yeah it was a bunch of a bunch of kids with uh leaders who were college or older , and we played games and sang songs and , yeah , you were always trying to do tricks and you're always trying to do tricks with with your body at Young Life , which sounds crazy yeah , well , I needed to like entertain , but even you're like dude . I finally learned how to do like a front handspring . I was like like all right , why does ?
Speaker 2the tricks thing seem like weirdly religious . Like , looking back at it , I was like was that like related to me believing in God , like me doing tricks ? It probably was Like .
Speaker 4I just like I think you were also trying to show off . Okay , yeah , I think this was like you know , like you know , like those videos press yes other . Yes , by doing tricks . That was literally you and it fucking worked .
Speaker 2Everyone thought I was sick as hell . Oh , also , I didn't I . I preface that you are still a believer , but he's chill with it , guys .
Speaker 4I promise chris always does joke that I did all right for all the viewers out there . We always make jokes . Now that you're like literally satanic now .
Speaker 2Yeah . Chris always makes jokes because I don't really believe in God anymore , and so he like says that I worship Satan .
Speaker 4I think you started the Satan jokes , but yes , Traded in Young Life for Satan .
Speaker 2Are there any like what buzzwords make you think of , like that christian time ?
Speaker 4like intentional yeah oh my god intentional even saying that out loud , like I feel like the young life girls would like kind of shit on you when you like weren't being intentional with your time .
Speaker 2They're like you aren't being intentional right now like they used it so frequently that it um , but it reminded me of like you know , on reality , it's like they're not here for the right reasons . I feel like it was like that , but for Christian is like your intentions are pure .
Speaker 4I have pure intentions .
Speaker 2It's like what the fuck are you ? You're just saying shit . Also , I thought of like this season and this chapter .
Speaker 4Oh my God . Yes , this season , Like this season's been really hard for me .
Speaker 2Or like God's got a sense of humor . Okay , Like your grandma got murdered .
Speaker 4Yeah , that was a good era . Something Like the girl going through the worst time of her life and just like God's being funny right now he's being sweet time of her life and just like god's being funny , right , he's being sweet .
Speaker 2You literally like .
Speaker 4You were like the king of christian girls at that time because you could play fast car on your acoustic guitar like you were like literally that was the ultimate hack being able to like play guitar at an extreme basic level , like just campfire songs yeah , and you're set for life young life people was the ultimate hack I know like most people think like a guy playing a guitar is attractive , but I feel like girls who are like religious and seeing a guy with an acoustic guitar it's like it's almost like feral .
Speaker 2Do you feel like there were like standards of like christianity , you know , like frats and sororities , where it's like standards where you had to like exceed or like at least meet these expectations ? What would the standards be for like young life or christians at that time ?
Speaker 4yes , of course , I feel like if you weren't going consistently , you were kind of getting outed . And also , side note , talking about fraternities , I don't know if your viewers know about you being in a frat .
Speaker 2briefly , we actually I haven't gotten into it , but one of the questions is care to comment on Brett not getting into Phi Psi ?
Speaker 4Is that actually ?
Speaker 2Yes .
Speaker 4Oh my God , that's hilarious . Can I share my comments on that ?
Speaker 2Yeah , sure , we'll just edit anything out . I don't want .
Speaker 4So back when I first met Brett , I only knew him as what I thought was a tall basketball guy , because he was tall and I just thought he was like the chill Young Life guy who did front handsprings and tried to impress everybody .
Speaker 2And again it worked . Also , he like sent a text to someone and said who is the tall basketball guy ?
Speaker 4The tall basketball guy in question Little did I know . He was like rushing the fraternity right next door to mine and or no , you tried to rush mine . And then some older guys were like no , he's weird with girls , don't let him in .
Speaker 2I literally got . It was like these fuck ass little like mousy twins that were a grade above me they're little rats . And they were like oh , don't let Brennan , he doesn't respect women . Okay , yeah , true , I'm kidding . But then also it's like these guys were like the ones who were like asking underclassmen , like they would give them a cigarette if that they would , if they would make out with them , but like , oh , I , I bully someone on twitter one time as a as in high school and I'm fucked for life .
Speaker 2great which obviously I was bullying the mean girls . Just so everyone knows like I wouldn't bully anyone who like actually it would hurt their feelings . I do want to talk about you know , like the like my friends , if you hear nothing else , hear this .
Speaker 4Well , I knew you were going to bring that up , yeah .
Speaker 2That shit like stuck with me in a very like that felt sinister .
Speaker 4Yeah , I know that means it did something right and it would be like a 47-year-old woman like my friends , if you hear nothing , okay . But you have to admit that when she said that shit , you could hear a pin drop . Yeah , it was no , everyone was locked in because she's like if you hear nothing else , hear this .
Speaker 2I was like , oh fuck , I have not been paying attention this entire line , so I will . I will listen to this one line and hold on to it . Have you ever posted a ?
Speaker 4he is risen post I don't believe I have .
Speaker 2So Chris also did the same like summer camp that I did , where I almost like illegally drove minors on the boats . Do you want to speak on your experience there ?
Speaker 4Yeah , you illegally drove minors on boats . I probably illegally set up minors on a ropes course where they did like rock climbing and jumped off of ledges and shit . It was a whole ordeal thing .
Speaker 2It also was so weird because these camps were just so nice and would have such nice amenities that I feel like it was like let's get the kids here because it's so nice and then we will low-key drop God . But it wasn't the main purpose and I feel like all the kids weren't there for God . They were just there to like have fun and flirt with each other . But then , like we were like guys , guys , guys , let's stay on track . But we also were like 20 year olds and like also didn't kind of give a fuck and wanted to just have fun literally , it was just the Tim Robinson meme of , like I'm just here for the zip line they were literally just there for the game , like dead ass just there for the zip line it was sick , like they were so sick they put like millions of dollars into these camps .
Speaker 4It's crazy , yeah it's also crazy .
Speaker 2You know how like I feel like they spun it in a way to get us to volunteer where it's like this is a life-changing opportunity for you guys to serve for a full month , and I'm like y'all just needed free labor like you just needed y'all , just needed volunteers , free labor yes , even like dude .
Speaker 4Um the year longs they had people stay there for like a year for free and just work .
Speaker 2Like that's crazy it really is crazy how like the church , like can just get people to work for free in the name of Christ .
Speaker 4Oh , and that's another thing , dude , that was what we used to joke about how , like people , like someone would be like giving a sermon and someone in the background would just be like , yes , church .
Speaker 2Yes , church I also loved , like when they were singing , and like worshiping , and they're just like yes , jesus , he saves . And like like worshiping , and they're just like yes , jesus , he saves .
Speaker 4They're like freestyling some like added in things like glory lord , glory lord , like we would . So I don't know if you remember this , were you at that like new year's thing we did when we drove down there ?
Speaker 4you were , yeah no , it's probably getting drunk as piss I have a vivid memory , like again , this is a camp for children . There's a bunch of kids around and we like go into the club room and like they're giving like some really powerful worship song . There's a dude . His body's like convulsing in the corner . He's like freaking out . He's on the the ground like letting the , letting the spirit really just like do its work on it . He's going crazy . I was like it looked like he was getting an exorcism .
Speaker 2Where was I ?
Speaker 4I don't know you were elsewhere , but I was . I remember I was with some other guys and I was like that is crazy to work .
Speaker 2Were people like , holy shit , got the Holy Spirit's present . Or was someone like like hey , let's get the fucking medic involved , like cheering him on , like yeah , yes , yes , jacob , yes , keep going . And he's like one of the workers like he's like a man like .
Speaker 2He's like foaming from the mouth . Everyone's like glory god , glory god . I brought this up earlier , but like I saw a tweet one time and it was like I thought I felt the Holy Spirit in worship , but then I just went to a One Direction concert . Have you ever felt the Holy Spirit working and pulsating through your bones , or no ?
Speaker 4Is that a real question ?
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 4I have . Honestly , I feel like that's the lame answer here , but I have . I'm going to say the real answer on this podcast .
Speaker 2Was it during the worship songs or what was it during ?
Speaker 4No , it was like outside at the camps , and I remember having multiple moments where I was like you know what I'm feeling it right now .
Speaker 2When you feel it , you feel it .
Speaker 4Did you ever feel it Like ? I don't know Like I feel like .
Speaker 2I would really like was like OK , like now , god , now is like the time where it's like okay , like if you want to show up , like just like you could do something like a little like really small right now , and I would like I would catch it . And I think I kept like waiting for that moment where I was like okay , show yourself now . And then he never really or she got . It could be a woman or they , god , could be nine nonviolent too , but God really never showed themselves to me and then . But then during worship sometimes I was like oh yeah , oh buddy okay , so you did actually feel it but then that's I began .
Speaker 2It's similar to just like oh shit , do I just like music with my friends ?
Speaker 4no , that's literally like my brother and I were talking about that too . Like he's like . I think I realized from camp that I just liked playing games . I just liked being outside with my friends .
Speaker 2That's the thing with Young Life . I think they really like fucked me up because I'm like I can't tell if I'm like having the best time of my life because I love Jesus or just because I like love hanging out with friends and got to do the ropes course like four times today .
Speaker 2It's like what are Love ? Hanging out with friends and got to do the ropes course like four times today . The food is fucking crazy . Yeah , like obviously I'm gonna feel the Lord when I'm like inhaling a cookie skillet . Like , yeah , jesus is present and he is working through us and also through the kitchen staff . Obviously , the camera died . Nothing is easy these days . Nothing is easy and of course , I'm filming all this by myself . The camera .
Speaker 2I'm going to freak out . Oh , you're too hot bitch . I'm here sweating my dick off . I think , like how have we come so far with technology and yet still here we are . Anyways , I have to call him back . Please leave your message . For what ? 3-0-4-5 . No , absolutely not . Also , while I have you guys here , have the ties gotten shorter every single episode ? Yes , do I know why ? No , I feel like every single time I do the tie , I make the smaller end so short and then it still somehow ends up being the tiniest tie I've ever seen . I don't know . I did learn how to tie a tie . For what did y'all see ? These two , these two flies , are definitely like soon to be , if not already like sexually connected . They really have just a chemistry that I haven't ever seen before . Honestly , I'm like not even mad that they're ruining the shot . It's like wow , when you find your person just like hold . Now they're separated .
Speaker 2Hey , isn't that how that always goes ? My situation ship the night before they tell me they don't want to be anything with me . Oh , he's going back . Hey , dumbass , maybe answer the first time . Thanks , you're wasting my time . Um , did you ever feel like you were a part of a cult or not ? So much Okay . I mean you have to like , understand where I'm . I didn't , but I know you did . You wouldn't stop talking about it every goddamn second . I mean you have to understand where I'm coming from .
Speaker 2Obviously , their intentions You're satanic , I know their intentions were pure , chris . They had pure intentions . Be intentional . I'm trying to be intentional in this season , during this chapter of my life . But also , god has a sense of humor . So did you almost get any religious tattoos during this time ? Yes , and I know you still have your cross , don sense of humor .
Speaker 2So did you almost get any religious tattoos during this time ? Yes , I know I have a stick and poke tattoo on my hand that I gave myself when I was 18 , which , like , is a cross , which I was very drunk when I did that . So , even when in my altered , inebriated mind , I was still thinking about the lord , um , and it looks so bad because it's like when I'm holding it like a rock , hold , like you know , rock paper scissors , because god's my rock , and so that's when the cross is most prevalent , when I , you know , just do it flat , when my hand is flaccid , it looks like an x and it also looks like an upside down cross , which is probably what you wanted , which is the devil , because you're evil . Yeah , have you told your viewers about how you used to be so sweet ? No , don't Kidding , I really . We always joke about how Brett was so sweet back in the day .
Speaker 4And now he's been corrupted .
Speaker 2By Satan . I did go through a phase , like in college , where every single night I would text one of my friends and tell them like how much they mean to me , which in theory , is like so sweet , but I'm like I didn't have to do all that Like truly like so sweet .
Speaker 4You would go to everyone's test ward and you would like buy gift cards for people to like .
Speaker 2Bring smoothies to people , and you were , and you would like buy gift cards for people to like bring smoothies . Yeah , and you brought me a smoothie during dance marathon , oh my god . So chris was in a frat that I didn't get in because I disrespect women , and so I went and visited him at dance marathon and I brought him a smoothie . You would think I was the like weirdest motherfucker to ever like step foot . Chris was so embarrassed . Also in dance marathon . There's literally one rule and it's like you can't sit for 24 hours which I've already
Speaker 2like spoken on . I think it's like crazy . Like why do we have to stand ? But chris's like frat ass was just sitting on a table . I drop him off a smoothie , being a little sweetie pie . So ungrateful he's like do you need anything else ? Sorry , I feel sick to my stomach . That's why I stopped being sweet . It's bitches like you that roughen my friends are like who's this twink ass bringing you ? Christian twink it was .
Speaker 2There was such like a weird competition , like level of competitiveness with being a christian . But I don't even think like it like performative online like . I feel like there's that like christian girl aesthetic , not christian girl autumn , different than this . This is a newer , newer age christian girl that like has to be aesthetic and like make photo collages where they like doodle in on it and like have bible verses and doodle in little bouquets of flower in like the top right corner of the picture collage . Yeah , literally go and get like the craziest highlighter pack ever , just like the bibles , the bibles that have like flower drawings and I'm like all right , you are not even reading that , right . I also said earlier about how like all of their bibles were just like completely underlined , highlighted .
Speaker 4I'm like y'all , like not all this stuff is good .
Speaker 2Like yes , let's be picky . Like let's pick and choose the good shit . Like it's not impressive that you just colored your entire bible , but I feel like there was a like that proved to everyone that they read their bible so it's like oh my god , sorry , oh , you weren't supposed to see that .
Speaker 4It's like completely marked up , you're fine it's like a horrible verse about like how women just submit to them very , very important .
Speaker 2There was obviously like the level of competition between , like christ Christian organizations on campus . Yes , have you brought up the beef ? No , I haven't brought up the beef .
Speaker 4I wanted to do that live on audio with you . There was crazy beef between like the other organizations , like everyone questioning like who's doing it right and you're wrong and who's better and it was crazy .
Speaker 2It was this conservative , more conservative Christian organization on campus and one of the guys called out our leader and was like you're not actually like . You're not actually like doing anything of substance , like you're just like playing games with kids . And also they were like mad that we were accepting all types of people , which is very cool and normal .
Speaker 2Well , also the other religious organization was like low-key anti-woman and it's like women can't actually lead in the church unless they're leading other women or children , which I'm like imagine being like a woman in the church and be like , yeah , that checks . That makes that . I also briefly mentioned just like the journaling element , like similar , like when we were at church and then just like girls would write everything down .
Speaker 1You don't have to listen to anything they're saying until they say my friends , if you hear nothing else hear this , and that's when you pull out your journals and you start listening .
Speaker 2Hammock is another thing . Oh my god , hammock . I like wouldn't leave the house without my hammock for like two years , which I'm like . I used it maybe like twice , but I'm always like in case , anytime you open your Bible . It was like the competition was like who can take a picture of them reading their Bible in the coolest location , and it was usually like on a hammock with the mountains in the background . We would do like really wholesome activities , but then they would just be ruined by , like the photo shoot . They came with it where it would like be a picnic , and then the first 15 minutes it would be like a full shoot where it's like okay , wait , you put your bible here , I'm gonna open my journal here . It was literally a styled shoot . Okay , wait , put your choco in the corner of the . I have like a picture on VSCO and it's like six pairs of chocos , six open Bibles , three journals . You gotta admit . You gotta admit we kind of loved it , though .
Speaker 4Could you marry someone who wasn't religious . Um , I think , like so , like yes , because like , because I don't really like religion , I don't like , I don't know I feel a personal connection to a higher power , to God , but I think people just ruined it .
Speaker 4So I would want to make sure I marry someone who feels that way spiritually . I don't want to make sure I marry someone who , like , feels that way spiritually , but like they don't need to be going to church and wearing chacos and having aesthetic bible pictures . You know , I don't need all that .
Speaker 2I feel like I could marry someone religious , but I couldn't marry someone with a pair of chacos at this point . 100% , there's no shot . I also think that type of like competitive , visco , christian kind of like honestly ruined christianity for me , because I'm like half of the people who are like knew they were christian cared more about like the aesthetic of being christian than like actually being christian . Also , it's like , can you not just like read your bible in the comfort of your home , own home , like why do you have to go to a meadow with a picnic blanket and an ollie pop to read your bible ? No , truly , um , something that I did have like an issue with , like religiously , is the whole like we all fall short of god's glorious standards . It's like damn , like we will really never be enough . Huh , yeah , like I get we need god to make ourselves perfect , but it's like damn , like you are really like honing in on the fact that we're imperfect .
Speaker 2We have one thing that like always used to scare me growing up . When was when people be like you need to fear god , fear him ? I was like , damn , I don't want to be scared . Yeah , I'm just a little boy . Please go easy on me , I'm just a kid with cuffed jeans . Let me be . I'm just a kid with skin-tight jeans . You grew up like Catholic , didn't you ? Adjacent ? Yeah , catholic Grew up Catholic .
Speaker 4I feel like .
Speaker 2Catholicism . They really want you to be afraid of God and it's less like VSCO X and more like get on your knees , bitch and pray . Yeah , that was aggressive . I mean , they did not even try to hide that with any VSCO filters . That was aggressive . They would literally tell me I remember this that if I like missed church on back-to-back weeks , that I'm going to hell . Did you ever do that ?
Speaker 2No , of course , no , yeah , obviously all the time Aw , so you're going to hell . Aww , you're going to hell . Wait , hell will be awesome with you . I got hell in the morning . Fuck I actually . I actually need to go because I have hell in the morning . But , um , okay , we'll see you at hell tomorrow then , alright . Alright , see you at hell , anyways , y'all . That is Chris . Um , thank you so much for coming on and speaking about your experience , if you're curious . Thank you , we all sin , so I love you . I love you .
am i in the wrong??
Speaker 2You fucking know it . You begged for it . You're begging . You're on your hands and knees begging for this shit and I'll give it to you because I love you . Am I in the wrong ? Like I know , y'all are like teething at the nips for this .
Speaker 2My husband and I met in college and I've been married for six years . My husband was raised in a strict evangelical household , but broke away from those beliefs around the time we met . In early 2021 , my husband's father passed away . My husband decided to honor his father's memory by rejoining his church . Unfortunately , it was one of those churches that forbids many things I find fun and relatively harmless . Before his father's passing , my husband and I enjoyed having a glass of wine a couple times a week , edibles once a month yeah , me too , playing video games . But after joining the church , my husband had decided he was an alcoholic drug addict and a gaming addict .
Speaker 2My husband is now insisting that I'm also an addict . Well , I need treatment because I don't want to give up all of those things . I tried to meet him halfway . I'm fine , never using weed again , and I agreed not to drink at home if my husband truly wanted to have a sober household but said I would still want to have an occasional drink when out with my friends . He also threw away my vibrator , saying it was an instrument of the devil . That's funny . Like you can't even be mad at the guy . Instrument of the devil , that means that's funny as fuck . My husband wants me to start going to church with him . I told him that I want to be supportive of him , but I am not going to become an evangelical and restrict myself to activities he finds acceptable under his religious beliefs . He thinks I'm being mean to him as he is grieving and my friends and family agree with him .
Speaker 2Am I in the wrong ? I mean , like him , calling you an addict for having like one edible a month and like two drinks every like 40 days , like I do not want him to see my behaviors . It's like tough because it's like damn , yeah , like his dad died , so like completely get that . That's really hard , but like throwing the addict allegations is nuts , especially since , like he was also doing it I also . I'm like I don't think god would be like that upset about like you having like one edible a month and again this girl's willing to give that up . I can't get over the instrument of the devil . That's just like really fucking funny .
Speaker 2Yeah , like you can't be mad at him for doing that . Give up your vibrator , baby , you're , you're married to a comedian . Um , obviously , if , like , I was married to someone and they started doing this , I'd be like okay , like hey , I get the whole god thing . Like got that part , um , but I I'm actually like you calling me an addict is like pissing me off and that's like actually insane and I am so gonna kind of move the way I want to move . I feel like maybe you could wait like three more months and then go back to like being like hey , occasional drink with the girls .
Speaker 2Hey , like I feel like the switch up is like insane to go from like doing these things occasionally to being like oh , I like not only is that not okay , but like I have a problem . It's tough , but then again it's like damn , his dad did just like die . I also like I think there are other ways you can honor your father , by the way , like you could just write him a poem . You could just like maybe paint him a piece of art that you can hang up I don't know , you can visit his grave . I don't think you need to like make like life-altering decisions right now and call your wife an addict . That seems like a little bit insane . I mean , again , if I'm the wife , I'm like I'm actually not gonna change anything about the way that I'm moving right now and I am going to go buy my pleasing toy . But say hi to God , for me I feel like the husband's the asshole . And again I get like you were trying to honor your father . Again , he didn't ask .
Speaker 3But it's also like I feel like this is your Christian journey and you can't just like immediately switch up on a person and be like okay , since I'm Christian , now you can't have an edible once a month . The guy is in the wrong . Unfortunately , in the original posting she had said that his pastor said that video games are all sinful and she's like I like to recreationally game like eight hours a week , and he said I need treatment .
Speaker 2Okay , honestly , like you shouldn't be like you don't need to game eight hours a week . And he said I need treatment . Okay , honestly , like you shouldn't be , like you don't need a game eight hours a week . You , yeah , like actually you are an addict , um , a video game addict like , truly like there's no reason to do eight hours , like three , sure but you know what , now that she works full-time cooks ?
Speaker 2no , obviously like that insane and like that part would piss me off the most . Like I'm like the other things , like I get it , I guess to some extent , where it's like all those things like you can seriously have like an addiction to , but she does need to get help . About the video games thing that's like what ? Like video games , that also is like a big cute but that's fun , and like lighthearted but like if you're playing , not even in like a religious way , it's just like ew , like what do you mean ? You're playing Fortnite , loser Kidding .
Speaker 2All right , the guy's in the room , the Christian , hey , hey you , hiya buddy , how are you ? Yeah , I heard this season of your life has been pretty tricky . Yeah , it's a tough chapter . Yeah , well , you know god has a sense of humor , right , and that's why . And you gave your life to christ . Cool , how's that ? It's good . You like the music . I did too . It's fun to be with your friends and music's fun . It's across the board . I know I completely get it . I get why , feeling the Holy Spirit too , I felt that way at chapel around . I know you're trying to honor your dad . We actually thought about you could write him a note .
Speaker 2You could maybe like light a candle and put out an old photo of him . But I don't even think you needed to give your life to Christ . But since you did , we're kind of past that . Leave your wife out of this . She's not an addict . Wait , what video games is she playing ? Gta 5 . How old is she ? 33 . I mean , yeah , that's a little unsettling . I do feel like she should get some sort of help . But she's not an addict , okay . She's just a girl who wants to let loose , like truly once a fucking month . She's fine . You don't have to do any of that stuff because , god , now you high on god , you don't need a monthly edible , um , but yeah , let her . Let the girl let the bitch game . She can , don't take that away from her . And if she wants to have a drink with a girl , she can , okay , okay , god bless , okay , bye . Last time . I'm talking to a Christian Kidding . Wow , that was a good one .
Speaker 2Anyways , that's
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Speaker 2the episode , and if you are a Christian listening to this , I need you to know . I see you , I stand with you , I was one of you . I get the hype , I get the music kidding , but no , I'm not shitting on your religion . It just wasn't for me necessarily , and , being someone who's part of that community , um is a little weird to be a part of a group that , like a good amount of people , don't support you , so that's kind of why I had to take a pretty permanent step back . But y'all do your shit . Uh , marry who you need . Uh , until then you know where to find me . Right , I'll be sucking dick in um and cock . So sucking dick , taking names , glory to god . Why the hell not um ? But uh , love y'all , christians included . Anyways , do your thing . God bless , good night .