Dialing In with Brett
It’s sad, really. No one wants to start a podcast nowadays — so Brett stepped up. Dialing In with Brett is a dry-comedy show where comedian Brett Neustrom does what any curious (but lazy) person would do: cold calls people with his “hard-hitting” questions. Are all “boy moms” secretly in love with their sons? Do parking enforcement officers ever feel guilty? Do old people have sex in nursing homes? Brett’s got the questions. The guests have the answers. And you? I’m sure you probably have nothing better to do.
Critics are calling his unserious, light-hearted, and wildly dramatic interrogations a brilliant way to nourish the human psyche. (No critics have written in, but I’m sure they’d say something along those lines.)
New episodes drop every Thursday… Now, let’s dial the f*ck in.
Dialing In with Brett
8. is choosing your braces' colors a lost art??
This week on Dialing In with Brett, Brett confesses what his full-time job is, relives the horrors of his expander days, and dials in a dental hygienist.
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hi, this is brett. I was dialing you in because I had a question. I, there's no way. Hello god, what a dick. Hey, episode eight. Eight. I'm so glad we as a society like finally dropped eight.
Speaker 2:Like four plus four was like a very fucking hard time for me. Like shut up, it just is tough. I also had a really hard time with Yap. I can't believe we're still fucking doing Yap To some degree. What is the other one? Delulu Put a gun in my fucking mouth, so bad.
Speaker 2:Anyways, hey, episode 8 how the fuck are we? I'm actually doing this by myself, by my lonesome. My girls are gone. They're in New York Packing their stuff up To make the big move back to Los Angeles, so I'm alone. It feels like very weird. Hey, hey, y'all All right, let's get into it.
Speaker 2:First thing I want to address I've been getting some DMs from the 15 people that have been viewing this podcast, which I'm done. I'm done making jokes about only 15 people watching this podcast, because those of you who are listening, I do appreciate you and I do see you and I stand with you. I know it's an intimate group, it's kind of an intimate group. At this point we should have started group chat. Um, so we can all chit chat together. But I see you, I hear you. I genuinely wish I could passionately kiss you on the lips, like you deserve that for listening to my ass.
Speaker 2:Even like my mom, she's like like I listen to the latest episode, why you don't have to, you don't have to do that shit. Um, which makes it like very weird to promote my podcast because I'm like no like. If someone like is like oh, which episode should I listen to? Literally don't. You don't have to like none of them, you're fine, just go outside and play with your friends. Like you don't have to listen to my podcast. Um, so I do need to be better just pushing that shit. It's also so embarrassing pushing your content, which is weird. Oh, I got a comment the other day which I get. I get this comment like a good amount where it's like Brett, I like loved you on TikTok. Your videos used to be so funny, like, and now you know you don't post anymore. Like what's going on? Yeah, I'm fucking tired, yeah, I'm exhausted. Um, you know what? Let's? Let's briefly get into my social media you know we never talk about my career.
Speaker 2:We never talk about my career. It's so funny people still to this day will like respond to my stories when I say something about like a job and they're like, what's, what's your job? Oh my god, what do you do for work? What do you mean? Do you think I'm just posting this fucking much and I just like have like another full-time job? Like, can you imagine, like if I had a full-time job? Imagine, like my coworkers, like I'm just sitting at my desk just posting fucking 19 stories a day, starting a podcast. But I'm just like, yeah, I work at a marketing firm. Yeah, I just kind of do this like social media thing part-time. Like if I did this part-time then I would be like so annoying.
Speaker 2:Luckily, I am getting paid for this and it is my job, which also, like I don't talk about social media a lot because it's like I have the best job in the world. It really is like so easy and there's so many perks to my job. Like anyone would love this job. But then also, like you know what, sometimes it sucks, sometimes it's not that fun and I've been doing this for four years and like the shit that I used to post I'm like this doesn't feel like that funny to me anymore, which is unfortunate, because it's like that style of content is what got me to this point and like this stuff, like the style that people enjoy seeing they don't love the new, they don't love the new shit, they don't love the new shit.
Speaker 2:One time I was talking to my mom about how it's just like, yeah, like it's kind of weird growing as a person and like your humor changing online, but then people like following you for a specific reason and now people don't like my newer stuff. And my mom was like I got to be honest with you. I like the old stuff too. I'm sure the fuck you do, everyone does. Anyways, I yeah, whatever, I haven't been posting as much online. I also like I'm so grateful for social media, I'm so grateful for this job, like genuinely could not imagine my life without it. But I also like never wanted to do social media. I moved out here to act and I feel like I've been trying to act for the last five years and I'm actually not bad at acting, believe it or not. Like, given my track record, you would think I'm ass and that's fine.
Speaker 2:But I'm like, if I have to do like one more bit and there's only so many types of people and I used to make like three videos a day like of characters, I who else? There aren't any other characters. I already ran through all my things. There's no one else to make fun of.
Speaker 1:I'm starting a podcast, y'all don't like it, that's okay, and hopefully.
Speaker 2:I pray to god. I just book an acting role and I can fade to blackding. I would never do that to y'all. Got a podcast now. That's my social media rant. It is the best job I've ever had. I am so grateful for it. Also, really fucking quick. I'm just going to touch on brand deals. I need you guys to know the video I send the brand versus the video that I end up posting with the brand approval Completely different video.
Speaker 2:I'm working with this brand right now, which it sucks. I literally cannot stand up for myself in any capacity and I can't talk poorly about this brand or else then I look horrible, but this brand has been so horrible and they just like keep saying no to me and my options are either like get the check and just like sacrifice anything funny in the video, or walk away and not get paid after doing all the work. Anyways, my job is so easy, but that is one thing I will say. My brand deals would be so much funnier, but the brands ruin them. I'm aware of that and it sucks, but there's nothing I can do about it. So, anyways, if you see a brand deal, just like and comment because you would have loved the original and I'm sure you might tolerate the one I posted. So thank you, god bless, I got a massage yesterday.
Speaker 2:I am like a firm believer of not stretching. There are just some things in life where I'm like I'm not doing all that. What do you mean I'm going to stretch? What do you mean I'm going to get in a downward dog, like no, that doesn't sound like me. I do like a workout class most days of the week. The last three minutes are like okay, we're just gonna do a quick cool down stretch. I might. I'm actually gonna bounce. My bones are like aching and sore. I'm like constantly in pain. Why would I stretch anyway? So I went to get a massage.
Speaker 2:I believe women are superior than men in any capacity. Under any circumstances, I would trust a woman to do a job over a man, except when it comes to a massage. My most misogynistic thought is that women are worse at giving massages than men. I'm for me, for me. I'm a big back, like. I'm not like some little like uh, lymphatic, lymphatic massage. No, I want a deep tissue. I want you to sculpt my body. I want you to rearrange my organs in a way that will hurt me but then, in the long run will will help me, and so I have this gentleman that I go to at the massage place.
Speaker 2:He wasn't available okay I'll move forward with, with just any gender. Okay, go in. I got a woman that should. That should be fine. She comes out. She's like four foot nothing, 80 pounds, sopping wet. This ain't gonna work, champ, this ain't gonna work. What do you mean? What do you mean you're gonna give me a deep tissue massage? You didn't even reach my waist. How is this gonna work? It really like the size comparison reminded me of like a shark with you know those fish that would swim next to sharks and just like kind of eat the algae off. I'm like that's, that's what the shit feels like. What do you mean you're going to relieve my body of pain? You can't even reach the table.
Speaker 2:It was, respectfully, just a very bad massage. There were times where she was trying to like push deeply into my back. I'm not I might get. I could feel her legs lifting off of the ground. What do you, baby, you're not gonna give me a deep tissue massage at this point. Just eat the algae off the side of my back. That's the best you can do and that's fine. It was 80 minutes long. I was. I was like so bored I was like at this point, like it's just like you're just rubbing my body. You're just rubbing me in oil, which at that point I can, I can lube myself up, I can just head on out. So I did just kind of like waste 120 on an 80 minute massage and it sucks again.
Speaker 2:It's like women in any other career. Yes, yes, yes, I love that, holy shit. Yeah, women in stem, yes, women as masseuses well, what, genuinely? Anyone who saw like it look, it honestly looked almost inappropriate, just like the size difference. It's like someone should have stopped it. Like, if you see something, say something what do you mean? My six, four, two hundred pound ass is getting paired up with a four foot, nothing, 80 pound woman. What is she gonna? How is she gonna help? Anyways, I love women genuinely. You guys know that, but I hate them in this field. I just hate them in this industry, and that's fine to say.
Speaker 2:By the way, I'm on antidepressants okay, big whoop, big whoop, and I'm randomly like not that depressed anymore because of the antidepressants a shout out well, region anyways. I get texts from my pharmacy like every two weeks that, like I, I have a refill that is ready for me, which I'm also like baby. There's like 30 pills in this and I'm supposed to take it daily, like you're giving me too much, which also like sounds kind of like problematic, like what do you mean? You're just giving me more drugs than I even need. Very interesting.
Speaker 2:The thing that's so bizarre to me is it gives me a fucking countdown where it's like you have three days to pick up your antidepressants or you're shit out of luck. Baby, what if I was depressed? What do you mean? You're giving me an ultimatum like you have three days to pick it up or we're taking you off your meds. You have to come now. That's like the last thing we should be like giving a time stamp to what do you mean? Have you ever met someone who's depressed? You're really going to take that one thing that I like desperately need away from me. You're sick.
Speaker 2:No the health care system. You have two fucking days to get to your local CVS or you're shit out of luck, don't play with me.
Speaker 2:Don't play with me. Okay. This episode we're dialing in a dental hygienist. I've always been really obsessed with my teeth, and not like in like a holy shit. I got a nice rack type thing, but like my teeth were fucked most of my life. And now I've gone to a place where I'm like kind of okay with them, even though I like refuse to smile in pictures. But that's more so because I'm like like it just like makes me look like fucking crazy when I smile. That's not really have anything to do with my teeth. So if you're, oh, I like it when you smile, cool, I don't cool, I'm not going to, so you're fine.
Speaker 2:Um, I did have braces and it just like why I feel like I had braces at like the best time, but also like the worst time. Like what do you mean? I was like fat and ugly and also had braces and also Justin Bieber hair. Like can you give a bitch a second? Randomly, like when I had braces and I was fat was also when I pulled the most. Like tell me why I like pulled the hottest girl in eighth grade with like my fat ass and and braced teeth and also like obviously I wasn't getting normal braces colors like I was getting like seasonal braces colors like who? I get that like the braces are on me, but I don't think it should be my up to my discretion on what color braces I should get. What do you mean? I got like yellow and red braces. The yellow was so fucking, that was just mean, because I'm like the orthodontist knows enough to know that the yellow braces will literally just make it look like I've never brushed my teeth a day in my life. Like the yellow braces literally just looks like you were covered in plaque. Just get rid of that option. I mean they still have like lime green, which like isn't much better, but like the yellow just seems like bad. I should have just done white, but then even white too is like I'm sure that looks fun. I mean you can't really win with braces. Also, just like say goodbye to popcorn. Everything got fucking stuck in your braces.
Speaker 2:Like if you would eat a hot dog, you would have the bun in for about three months. And again, I'm like not at an age where I'm like really like let's lock in and let's make sure these are clean. No, and then they would take off the. It was always disgusting when they would take off the bands and it would just like be like oh yep, that's everything I've eaten for the last six months. That's just caked on there. If you have invisalign like check your privilege, bitch, oh, you can just pop those out whenever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like I was a fucking metal. I was gonna say metalhead. Why does that sound like a slur? I was a metalhead for three years. I also had one of those spacers no one's talking about this, this like I feel like no one had this, but of course, again, I had it. Like when I was the ugliest fucking version of myself, they put like a metal, everything's metal, everything's fucking metal. These days, they put like a metal thing on the roof of my mouth and then every single night, my mom would have to put a tiny little key in and turn it, and so it would pull my two front teeth apart from each other because I guess they were too close. Okay, now there's like six inches between my two front teeth, which that was like the point.
Speaker 3:Like what am I supposed to do?
Speaker 2:with that. My teeth were like slightly too close together, so like the only thing we can do is like pull them seven feet apart. That's mean like randomly, yeah, obviously, like I had two fucking giant front teeth that are six feet apart from each other. Like, yeah, obviously everyone called me spongebob. Yeah, there's like nothing I could have done about that. I could actually do a thing where I would like with water. I kind of would make like a little fountain because of the gap in my teeth, so I'd kind of that would be like a party trick, party trick. Being like in my like sixth grade classroom at the water fountain I could like a. Which kids actually fucking like that. That was actually cool. And so then I was like, yeah, like I look fucking ugly, but like yo, I can do a fountain. Yeah, but I look like I'm spraying a fountain, so you can't bully me that hard. Like this is like such a jank setup, just to like be like I can't record by myself.
Speaker 1:All right, girls, you're on the horn, hit me, okay. So I have a hot question I have two hot questions first of all, are you familiar with the concept of train tracks, like when you get your braces off, the marks that they leave behind?
Speaker 2:I'm like sure, was it just like the built-up plaque?
Speaker 1:yeah, but it was like if your teeth got like browner outside of the braces, but then were yeah like white, and so I was wondering if that was a constant fear you had, and also, did you ever have rubber bands?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, of course I had rubber bands and they were like thick as fuck and it's just like what do you like? That also hurts, so bad. Like why was I in so much pain for my braces Again, like as an 11-year-old? Like no one should like go through that? I also remember the day I got my braces taken off. Like it was like, oh my God, such a big day. I was like my god, such a big day.
Speaker 2:I was like my teeth look like donkey kongs, like I looked, I looked like a character my teeth look the exact same still, and I think I'm just like kind of accepted that I look like diddy kong. But like I'm like at that time I was like this is, this is gonna be tough, this is gonna be really tough, um, but yeah, like every single time they would take off the braces, it's just like holy gunk, holy fucking gunk are you, I guess, um a donkey kong teeth son or american girl?
Speaker 2:definitely donkey kong son. I honestly would kill for american girl doll teeth. Oh, my god, you know what this reminds me of my feminine thumb. There's this thing, I don't know why, like I randomly did not know that I was like also attracted to men until I was probably like 23, but like I was like this. You know where it's like. Oh, the signs were there.
Speaker 2:The sign in question was just the fact that I was like why is my thumb kind of feminine, like I remember looking at like other guys thumbs and they were like really grown out and like kind of like gross. And it was like, oh, you don't really have like a thumb, it's just like a big nail. And I was like that's the right fucking, like that's a guy thumb. And then I was like, oh, like, why do I have this dainty ass woman thumb which, again, I still have to this day? I've just kind of grown, grown to love it some of like my diddy kong teeth, but it's just like damn, that's a woman's thumb, like six, four, but has a woman's thumb is the thumb thumb a male thumb or a female thumb?
Speaker 2:The thumb thumb, meaning the guys from.
Speaker 1:From Spy Kids, who are also like that are also behind me.
Speaker 2:Those are, those are. Those are guy thumbs.
Speaker 4:Like holy shit, so you're attracted to them. Yeah, like okay, do guy thumbs have cuticles? Or like not so much.
Speaker 2:I mean like the ones that I would likeize were again, just mostly it's not even like you can't even really see much of the thumb, it's just like pretty much all nail. Like I was like that, yeah, you're a guy, okay, you're a guy's guy, and so that was like the first time where I was like maybe I am gay, because, like what do you mean?
Speaker 1:my thumb looks like this wait, like I'm not seeing where you're drawing the conclusion of like being gay.
Speaker 2:No, me neither well it's kind of like you know the Macklemore song where it's like in third grade I thought I was gay because I could draw my uncle was, and I kept my room straight. I was like, okay, like I don't think I'm gay, but like, why is my thumb look like this? I do sometimes kept my room straight. I was like, okay, like I don't think I'm gay, but like, why does my thumb look like this? I do sometimes keep my room clean and also have a woman's thumb. Hey, baby, the signs are there. Like at that point I was like fuck it, like maybe I'll just like force myself to like guys, because it's like and it had nothing to do with you wanting to like, rail a man to death no more, so just like just like again, like I've I've been dealt the cards.
Speaker 2:I'm queer, I have a queer thumb, guess I just gotta lean into it, um. But then I didn't actually like come to terms with my sexuality until I was like 23. But again, like holy shit, that queer thumb should have said something that queer.
Speaker 1:Does that transcend into your big toe as well? No, my big toe.
Speaker 2:My big toe is like hot, like my. I have like a conventionally attractive big toe, like and that's like a guy's toe actually. Let me look at it what makes it conventionally attractive I mean, like when you know it, you know it. Like when you know it, when you see it, you know it. It's kind of just like if you know, you know, like holy shit, that's a guy's toe, guy's toe, but a woman's thumb do you think this is? Why I'm bisexual like.
Speaker 4:Are you allowed to wear open-toed shoes if you have conventionally attractive men's feet?
Speaker 2:yeah, but like you can't like flip my foot over because then you're gonna see some things you don't want to see. Should I tell them about the yeah and describe where you store it? That's mad, that's bad. I do have this, this sander. My dad was a podiatrist and so he bought me like a foot sander to sand off my calluses, which is now my profile picture on instagram. So if you want to go check that out, new avi, new avi, um. But I do have on my person, um, a foot sander and I keep it in my fuck ass drawer, which is like the drawer in the house where you just keep like everything that it's like where would you put this? So it's like what is in the fuck ass drawer? Like packing tape, loose edibles, my sander, a coupon that's been expired for four years.
Speaker 2:Um, a camera that doesn't work the problem is it's not that it's like in a drawer, it's that the drawer resides in the kitchen yeah, but I keep it in my sander in a plastic ziploc bag, which is like oh yeah, like you can put anything in a plastic ziploc bag and put it anywhere and it's safe, it's mark safe I don't love, though, that, like when I and when it's requested of me to go get the sd card, my hand has to come in contact with the sand okay, well, some of us, some of our feet, come in contact with that sand.
Speaker 2:Okay well, some of us, some of our feet, come in contact with that sander and we are completely normal with it.
Speaker 1:So what do you think about people like um well, I don't want to keep talking about like toenails either. I really switch to something have been flipping their toenails in public a lot I honestly.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thank fuck, you brought this up, holly. I really like I don't know where the best place to clip my nails is, and I feel like we haven't really decided on something. Have we as a society been like this is the the best way to clip your nails? Like? Are we supposed to do it over a trash can? Are we supposed to do over your sink? Are you supposed to do it over the toilet can? Are we supposed to do it over your sink? Are you supposed to do it over the toilet? Like? Are you supposed to do it outside? Like? I feel like I started doing it outside in my backyard.
Speaker 2:Now rita has my tonal clippings in her mouth, but then, if you do it on in a toilet, it's like oh, now my foot is touching the rim of the toilet. Don't love that. I'm doing it in my sink. Ew, I spit in there. You do it over the trash can. Yeah, good luck getting it in the fucking trash can. Those clippings are going all over your bathroom tile floor. You see what I'm saying. I think that's why vacuums exist.
Speaker 2:We just need like a toenail clipper that just like sucks it up, Like it's like clip and then like clip and suck. So I'll take what he's got. I and then like clip and suck, so I'll take what he's. You know, I'll do one clip and suck when you get a chance. There's currently like a helicopter that's circling around my place, which I always love.
Speaker 2:Someone comes and breaks into the set and murders me on live on camera. Maybe then I'll get a thousand views kidding. All right, you guys, shut up for two seconds and let me do the. Am I on the wrong? Okay, my god, my, I always love the like 35 f, like. I feel like it just like makes like humanity seem like so simple. It's like we all are just like m's and f's at the end of the day. And nb, sorry, that's not. That wasn't like. There's two genders, pick one, there's more. Y'all know my heart, my, my, my 35f wife 37f wait, I think this person's 35f and their wife is 37f.
Speaker 2:Me 35f wife 37f has a cavity. She needed fixed since january, but didn't want to do it because she's afraid of the dentist. Okay, you're fine, me too, so I totally get it. Kidding, you're, yeah, valid. Since then, though, it's gotten a lot worse. Normally I would shrug off not wanting to go right now as overkill, but if that's what she wants, that's fine, because I understand crowns are expensive. The problem is it's gotten so bad that I can't sleep next to her. Riding in the car is difficult. How is that trans?
Speaker 2:Okay, our daughter noticed too, when I picked up the fact that her her breath is bad and she needs to get filling, she became enraged. I brought it up twice in the past two months, but now I don't want to anymore. She started insulting me, making me feel like an asshole for saying anything. I feel like I may be out of line, pushing her to go to the dentist. Am I in the wrong asking my wife to fix her tooth in her very bad breath? Wow, if anyone ever told me I had bad breath, I would kill myself, but then also I would do anything in my power to fix it.
Speaker 2:You got to go to the dentist, baby, like. Also, if you're a 37F, oh, you're scared of the dentist. Okay, kids go, kids go to the dentist. And you're mm. Oh, like the expensive thing like I get. But also it's like the longer you wait, the worse it's going to get. And your breath fucking reeks, by the way, even your dumbass daughter's. You're ruining car rides somehow. You're ruining car rides because of your stench and your, your pain. Again, I don't really know how you are ruining car rides, but you are. It's gotten that bad. I also, like I cannot kiss someone with bad breath, so I can't even imagine like, oh, the love of my life's breath. Breath reeks. Pass, baby, you're not the love of my life.
Speaker 2:Then get your crown fix. What do you mean? Again, I just think, like, as a 37 f, like, oh, the dentist, the dentist is scary, yeah, so is your fucking rank ass breath. You're ruining your family. You're ruining your family and your relationship because of your rank breath and and if you're in pain, get it fixed. It's not going away. Get your crown fixed and save the family. Get your crown fixed and save everything.
Speaker 2:So I'm going to dial in this 37F, this 37MF-er. Hi, baby, is this a 37F? Hi, how are you Good? You're scared Of the dentist, aren't you? 37 f? Okay, that's what I thought. Um, yeah, baby, you gotta get that fixed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, your wife actually wrote in your breath smells like shit and your little daughter, too, is is somehow clocking it as well. I don't know how many f she is, I don't know what f she is, but she's clocking it. And also, you're ruining car rides. I've never once ruined a car ride because of my bad breath or and or pain. I found other ways to ruin car rides, just kind of by being myself. But, like, you got to get that fixed and I'm like, again, you're a 37 f, I oh, the dentist is scary. Yeah, well, that's, that's kind of gone out the window. You need to grow up, baby. Also, if, like, if getting your crown fix is like the most like scary thing you've ever had to do, then you live a very sheltered life, okay, and if nothing else, your breath smells like shit and it's it's tearing apart your family. So if you care about that 35 year old f and your little F, then get it fixed, baby, and stop complaining. Okay, all right, baby, you too Can smell your breath from the phone. Don't get too close, all right, you too, all right. Okay, I like, really, I think she's going to do it, but if she doesn't, my God, you just lost. You just lost a 35 f and a little f2 anyways, that's.
Speaker 2:Am I in the wrong? I also think it is like a hard. I know I just kind of laid into that 37 f, but I do think it is like tough. Or it's like if I was married to someone and their breath smelled like shit. It's like that is like if someone ever told me my breath smelled like bad, like I would never recover from that, even if I was like completely married to them with child, I would still be like I'm going to leave. I'm leaving you because I can't recover from that, but also if, like, there is a quick fix, I would do anything. So you're fine, you're fine, but, like again, I cannot kiss anyone with bad breath. But then also I don't think I could like muster up the courage to tell someone they have bad breath, because if I ever got told I have bad breath, I would die. But also I don't. And the reason I don't is because I brush the shit out of my tongue. I brush so close to the sun that I will gag every single time I brush my tongue, which I'm like. I would rather gag every single time I brush my teeth and not have rank breath than like miss my tongue and ruin my family, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2:I also like I have. I mean, come clean. I have a spit rag. I have a spit rag. I don't, I'm not proud of it, but I have no other choice.
Speaker 2:After I brush my teeth, I spit into the sink. I still have to spit somewhere else. I have to wipe my mouth. I don't know, it's just something that I've always had to do and so, age I had to pull out my spit rag and I'm just like I'm going to get ahead of it. I'm just going to tell you what this is. This is a spit rag. There's no getting around it. And I do have to spit into it and wipe my mouth every single time I brush my teeth.
Speaker 2:It's fucking gross. I see that. I'm aware of that. It's just who I am. It comes at the having an insane body and a great person. It's like, yeah, I'm fucking perfect in every way.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I use a spit rag every single morning and every single night before I brush my teeth, after I brush my teeth to, you know, cleanse my mouth. Is that such a fucking crime? And if it is, again, don't tell me because that will ruin me. And again, holy shit, he's perfect in every other way. Damn his ass. Is that fat? Yeah, I think I can look past the spit rag Y'all to me, I assume. But yeah, am I in the right? We are going to dial in a dental hygienist. Every single time I go to the dentist, I'm so fucking annoying to the dental hygienist because I'm just like, okay, I'm going to ask you every single question I have about dental hygiene because I want to have the best teeth that I possibly can without doing anything. Um, so we're gonna dial them in. I also think like I am very oral hygiene positive and I used to say floss the teeth you want to keep. I've kind of fallen off on flossing. I also think like their job is fucking gross.
Speaker 2:I've seen some of y'all's mouths my god, especially like little kids, like I feel like sometimes I just look at a kid and I'm like I would love to just like get in there with a squeegee. I just want to just want to kind of peel that shit off. I do think it would be like oddly satisfying, like similar to like the popping pimple videos, like just like scrubbing shit off teeth. It's also crazy because it's like, oh, let me just scrub all this shit off your teeth. And then it's like, ok, close your mouth, we'll put water in. So then you're just like swallowing shitty water, placky water. Oh, dibs on the water plaque. Anyways. Also, what are those fuck-ass things that are like massive that they put in your mouth and then you like gag to completion and like you have to keep it in your mouth for three minutes. Yeah, I might, I might. Also. I'm like I probably have a big mouth, we've gotten that fucking part, but like my god, do y'all stretch it to the fucking brims? Like they test their limits, like what you can see enough, why are you like also, the x-rays are always just like so scary, where I'm like, yeah, I'm sure my teeth look like that naked, but like can you just put the gums on, just so I, I don't have to see the like how far they go up. What do you mean that's like in my skull? Slap the gums on, just so I, I don't have to see the like how far they go up. What do you mean that's like in my school? Slap the gums on, like you know, when, like, find my friends where it's like you can see the like terrain. Yeah, let's do cartoon mode for that. I don't need to see them going all the way up, let's just I. That's none of my fucking business or yours. Dude, get out of my mouth you fucking pervert. Okay, mouth kink.
Speaker 2:Dialing in a dental hygienist? Fuck it. Hello, hey you, what's up? Nothing. Just got home from work actually. Whoa. Great segue into your job, into your career. So you are a dental hygienist. Am I? Am I right?
Speaker 2:yes, I am okay, great, and how do you like doing that?
Speaker 3:you know, I like it, I'm only a year into it.
Speaker 2:So so far, so good. At what percentage of people, would you say, have like gross mouths, like?
Speaker 3:so I see about like eight patients a day and I would say six out of the eight have gross mouths what you can tell people do not floss, it's that's what, that's the silent killer it is it sure is wait okay.
Speaker 2:So what got you into dental hygiene?
Speaker 3:I don't know. I knew growing up I've always been interested in the dental field.
Speaker 2:There you are.
Speaker 3:I wanted to be a dentist, but then I kind of figured out they have a lot of liability and I didn't want that. And then I also realized that hygienists are the ones with the interpersonal connection with the patients and who you're talking to, like, most of the time.
Speaker 2:What is like the procedure of like talking with a hand in a mouth, Like we've all seen this like meme where it's like oh, how like. Are you aware of that? Because I feel like most aren't and I'm like y'all haven't seen the memes Like why are you trying?
Speaker 3:you trying to like get to know me with when you're fisting my mouth okay, I don't want to toot my own horn, but I feel like I'm pretty good at like. Okay, if I'm gonna ask you a question, I want you to answer me. I'm not gonna have my fingers in your mouth because, honestly, I understand you when my fingers what flavor cleaner to use, because there is a right answer what do you mean cleaner?
Speaker 2:You know when it's like you clean teeth, right, you know the stuff where they're like okay, here are your options to clean your teeth and there's like three flavors.
Speaker 3:Oh, okay, you're talking about like the paste.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what paste do y'all offer?
Speaker 3:You're getting mint with me, I'm not.
Speaker 2:You don't have the whole shebang. I do for kids but I usually have, like, so for grown ass adults. We just I mean mint is the right option. What do you have for kids? Cherry bubble gum. They get cherry. Like they can have bubble gum. That's like childish, but like I also hate cherry but like I know some adults who like cherry.
Speaker 3:So yeah, but they all taste like that artificial flavoring.
Speaker 2:So it's like no, like, I mean like if you're over the age of like 12, you better get mint, like there's no reason not to. What are those things that like? I think are like the teeth molds I don't know if it's more orthodontists or dentists use it and they like fill her up and then they put them in your mouth and like I'm just like gagging for the good baby.
Speaker 3:You have to keep them in for two minutes and I'm like about to like bomb up chuck like impressions of your yeah, first impressions kidding I mean we learned that in school, but now it's all digital, so maybe you need to go somewhere that has a little more updated equipment.
Speaker 2:So next time I go, I won't have to deep throw that thing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you won't have to deep throw that thing, it's horrible. At least at our office.
Speaker 2:Does your office have a fish tank? It sure does. Why do all dentist office have a tank? You know, I don't know what's the correlation between fish and?
Speaker 3:teeth finding nemo. Is that why yeah?
Speaker 2:but where does? Where does the dentist come? I guess that girl with braces, that might make sense. The loud girl, I forgot her name, stacy what is her name? Does anyone know, tracy? I don't know off the top of my head. Okay, can I ask you a PG-13 question? I'm so sorry. Okay, again, I'm just going based off of articles I've read, meaning like TikTok and Word on the Street.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 2:There's a thing when dentists and dental hygienists can maybe tell if someone has been participating in an adult activity regarding something in their mouths.
Speaker 3:Do you know what I'm do?
Speaker 2:I have to spell it out for you, following a pretty good bit. I mean, do you want to spell it out or do you want me to just answer? If you know what I'm, where I'm going, then we could just definitely do that. I think I want you to spell answer if you know what I'm, where I'm going, then we could just definitely do that.
Speaker 3:Um, can you tell for me, though? Can you tell when someone's been? Yeah, I mean, I haven't seen anything like that, but if someone's, it's more like if someone's being like abused, but not like oh my god, okay, but not dick sucking okay.
Speaker 2:Great, when you are like kind of working in someone's mouth. What are we like? What are we supposed to do with our eyes?
Speaker 3:we would rather you just close your eyes. I can feel when people are staring at me what's the strangest interaction you've had with what?
Speaker 2:do you call them patients?
Speaker 3:yeah, yeah, um, I would say there was a patient that I just seen, like two weeks ago, and I seen them for the first time and she was already telling me about how she found out her mom recently was hiding that her dad was not her real dad and all this stuff. People definitely think I'm just this and I'm like this is my first meeting you. Why? Why do you feel comfortable telling me this stuff?
Speaker 2:that's insane. Maybe that that's when you started just like putting your fingers in their mouth, down their throat. That's when you just start putting your your fingers in their mouth, down their throat. That's when you just start putting your hands in. Do you ever steal from the goodie bags? Be honest, have you ever taken home one for yourself?
Speaker 3:Why wouldn't?
Speaker 2:I? I mean, if I'm on vacation, hell yeah. Do you use I almost said a mechanical pencil? Do you use an electric toothbrush or no?
Speaker 3:Yes. Okay yeah, of course.
Speaker 2:That's something I kind of swear by. Where I'm like Is your toothbrush. Yeah, because I used to brush my teeth too hard that I was ripping off the enamel, thanks. And so they told me I had to use an electric toothbrush.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but I hope you don't use that too hard either, because that can. Okay. Well, what should I do then?
Speaker 2:Okay, fine, you don't use that too hard either, because that can okay. Well, what should I do then? Okay, fine, I won't brush my teeth, my god, and I'm gonna come to you with my rank ass breath. What is like the worst habit you could have going into a dental hygienist the worst habit.
Speaker 3:I mean it's literally I swear flossing I'm gonna be.
Speaker 2:That's your number one thing got it kidding, kidding. All right, I'll floss again. My God, twice a day, people, twice a day is insane. I'll do once a week and that's the best you're getting.
Speaker 3:Once a week is crazy. Twice a day is nuts you eat in the middle and once a day at night.
Speaker 2:Fine, what's your ideal age to clean Like? Have you had to only clean one age of patient for the rest of your life?
Speaker 3:One age.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Probably like 23 or 24.
Speaker 2:Would you do a 27 year old if they were like really sweet.
Speaker 3:I mean, I guess, I guess, if they're really sweet, they floss like once every month. I hate cleaning like people with braces. That's literally the worst.
Speaker 2:Do kids still get like braces combos? Because obviously, like when I was a kid and had braces like I would do, like Christmas themed and like Halloween themed. Are kids still doing that or are they just like playing on their iPods?
Speaker 3:Well, obviously they're playing on their iPadsads, but I feel like most of them just get like one solid color like they could care less.
Speaker 2:Do you think kids are getting better, worse about oral hygiene from like a trend, a trendcaster point of view?
Speaker 3:I think worse, because I feel like kids don't listen to their parents as much as parents kind of just let their kids do whatever. And then I see them and I'm like your kid does not brush his teeth.
Speaker 2:Do you ever have to like tell the parents like, hey, this kid's mouth is fucked, Like what are you doing? Or is that mostly just like you tell the kid and just hope to God he relays it to his parents or their parents?
Speaker 3:Well, I tell the kids first, and then I make them show me how they brush their teeth. I'm like that is not how you do it. So I show them, and then I tell their parents too can we role play really fast?
Speaker 2:and I'm a little kid with like horrible teeth and you are, you, and you just finished up yeah thank you so much, miss. I won't say your name, missy, missy. Thanks so much for the cleanup. Missy, how do my teeth look?
Speaker 3:I mean, they could use a little bit of work.
Speaker 2:Meaning what?
Speaker 3:Meaning you need to brush a little better.
Speaker 2:Okay, I brushed three times a day, and you just said two.
Speaker 3:I mean, if you want to brush your teeth after lunch at school, I don't want to. I'm kidding, we don't have to keep doing this. Sorry, I just had to, for myself teeth after lunch at school.
Speaker 2:I don't want to. I'm kidding. We don't have to keep doing this. Sorry, I just had to for myself. Okay, great, and then you talk to my parents, then all right, great, can I have my goodie bag, please. Thank you. Oh, I want to talk to you about I mean. This is more of like an orthodontic thing, but it like I kind of fucked me over. I had to get a spacer back in the day. Do you know what that is?
Speaker 2:oh yeah and they would like move my teeth apart. So I had like a huge gap in my front teeth and my mom would put a key into my mouth every single night and and turn it a little bit further, further, separating my teeth in an excruciating pain way yes how the fuck are they letting people do that to kids?
Speaker 3:that's, I guess, just my question honestly, I don't know, it's just because it hurt I?
Speaker 4:I bet it did I'm so glad I didn't have to do that.
Speaker 3:It's just because you have like a small, like jaw, so they're making room for your adult teeth, so like it might hurt in the moment. But imagine doing that stuff now. Like you, would much rather have that be done as a kid as like a child, and inflicting pain on a child is better.
Speaker 2:You're right, agreed. What would you say? The most painful dental experience is?
Speaker 3:um, I feel like it depends. A lot of people say root canals hurt feels good.
Speaker 2:For sure, you got a root canal. Yeah, I've had one. What did, what did you do to deserve that?
Speaker 3:well, actually in junior high I got hit in the face with some chain and it broke my nerve in my tooth so I had to get a root canal that's crazy.
Speaker 2:One time I threw a softball so hard at my sister's face that she had to get a root canal, but it wasn't my fault.
Speaker 3:Um, but like I feel like that just how root canals happen.
Speaker 2:It's just like just getting hit in the face. Do people get veneers frequently or not so much?
Speaker 3:a lot of people ask for them. But like, if I'm gonna be honest, I'm not gonna let you get veneers if you don't need them, like or at least it's not up to me, I guess, but do you think veneers usually look bad? It depends where you go, like veneers, usually you can tell who has veneers and who doesn't.
Speaker 2:Let's be real it's hard when you can like so clearly tell and it's like damn it, like it doesn't look, like. It's just like oh, you were blessed genetically.
Speaker 3:It's like oh, yeah, you got, those aren't real yeah, it's like why are these dentists letting them get the brightest whitest?
Speaker 2:no, I know it looks like those, like chompy things. You know those like the mouse that they have at like doctor's office. It's like, okay, why am I looking at the blueprint? So, no right, um, are there any other things that you want us to know about dental hygienists? You know just general PSAs you want to put out there?
Speaker 3:Well, I feel like obviously we know general PSA Floss and floss your damn teeth Floss your damn teeth. It's simple as that. People come in and they're like, oh my gosh, you hurt my gums and every single time I come in I have a cavity.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you don't brush your teeth. So yeah, because you're gross. Floss yeah it's not that hard, except for it is hard for me, you just take care of your teeth, right.
Speaker 2:Great. Well, we'll try our damn best. We'll do better for you, and I genuinely deadass after this conversation. I will try to floss daily, but I expect once a week, all right. Well, thank you so much for letting us dial you in. It's been an absolute pleasure. Um, I hope people start taking care of their teeth more, just for your sake, because you shouldn't have to go through all that. Um, and yeah, talk to you soon. Bye, okay, I love you. Bye.
Speaker 2:Every single time I go to the dentist, I'm obviously asking the dental hydra hydration. I'm always asking the dental hygienist, like all of my questions I have for them, and I was just like, just floss more. Find somebody new to say like, truly, like, okay, got that fucking part, I'm not doing that, I want the second best thing. Um, anyways, the crazy with the root canal thing too. Like damn, it really could just happen, I think, just like everyone under the age of 11 got like smacked in the face. She also said, like buy a chain, and I'm like I really like I was just afraid to get too into it in case. It was like a personal story. Hope to god, it was just like a freak accident. Regardless, lost your fucking teeth. Like my god, it's not that hard and we're all gonna start doing it a little bit more now. Don't go into the dental hygienist too. If it's just like your teeth are fucked, I actually know like that's what you have to do, unfortunately. Just try to clean up before.
Speaker 2:Anyways, I got shit on for having my daughter's teeth on my dresser. Okay, yeah, I care about that little girl. I have all of her teeth saved in a bag that I keep on my dresser. Who cares? That's literally normal. That's what a good father would do. My mom still has my rat tail. I used to have a rat tail in first grade which, like, randomly, is as gross as it sounds, um, and after a good six months of growing out I don't know why I would like what went through my head to be like you know what? I'm actually just going to grow like one really long piece of hair and braid it. Anyways, that rat tail still lives at my childhood home in a drawer, in a bag and similar to the foot sander. Yeah, in a drawer, in a bag and similar to the foot sander. Yeah, it's in a bag, so it's fine and it's safe and you can put that shit anywhere. Very normal.
Speaker 2:There was this really weird thing where, like, teachers would rip our teeth out. What do you mean? What do you mean? A substitute teacher would wrap my tooth with a string and slam a door. Like what Were there laws? Like, genuinely, were there laws for teachers? Did teachers have rules back in the day? Like I feel like that's like something that it's like you know how those like only your parents and your doctors can touch you here. I feel like let's just apply that to pulling teeth. There's no reason. This fuck-ass 70-year-old substitute teacher is like pulling my tooth front, two front teeth out. Why just let it dangle, just let it dangle.
Speaker 2:I did love like when your tooth would be so close to falling out and you could kind of like play with it a little bit. That was like I I wish I had like a loose tooth. For that reason, if I ever lost a tooth I would lose my life. I don't know what I would do. One time I was dating this girl in high school and I got a call from her friend that's like, oh, she's really drunk and she lost her tooth. What do you mean? Whatever, I'm on my way, I show up. I show up. She's so drunk, so excited to see me main one of her main two front teeth completely gone. Oh, what happened? It's stuck in her legging. Her tooth is stuck in her legging. So we had to like I pulled her tooth out of her legging. She was so drunk she didn't even like notice that it was gone.
Speaker 2:I had to, like put it in milk again. I'm like 16 years old. It's like our options are milk or uv blue to put it in. Like I'm like fuck it, let's put it in a glass of almond milk or uv blue to put it in. Like I'm like fuck it, let's put it in a glass of almond milk. That seems like the right thing to do, which I actually think is the right thing to do. I don't know, like if you have to use non-dairy milk anyways. I she got it fixed the next day. But I'm like how am I responsible for a tooth? But I was. I'm like this should be my substitute teacher's job.
Speaker 2:Like I don't know why the fuck I'm dealing with this, but like truly, if I I went through a phase where I would be so fucking annoying because I always thought I was chipping my teeth and I also was very big into almonds at this time, so always be eating almonds and with my friends a bit. Oh my god, oh my god. I just I just chipped my tooth. I just like chipped and I'd be dead ass every single time. I would be like so genuine, like actually thinking I chipped my tooth. I was horrible to be around. I never once chipped my tooth, but if I did like, my God, just know that like it would be the end of everything. It's an end, all be all. I'm not chipping teeth, I'm fucking bitches Kidding, anyways y'all.
Speaker 2:That is episode eight of dialing in. I hope you learned something. I hope you are going to floss your teeth more than you're used to and I hope, if you have a crown, get it fixed. Get it fixed, because that shit stinks. Um, and if you still have normal braces, get normal colors. Just get white. I assume that I actually don't know what white would look like on. There really aren't any good colors. I think white is the best bet. Or just do invisalign, save your, save your troubles. Do invisalign. You won't get bullied. Um, if you ever happen to get a spacer, just like, lean into it, make a fucking water fountain out of your mouth, like you can still be a cool guy and have a huge gap in your front teeth. I know from experience.
Speaker 2:So yeah, episode eight go blow my shit up. Blow it up for those of you who are watching. I love you so much. Big, big, big, massive shit coming, like gigantic shit coming. We have a. We have maybe some exciting guests coming up that I'm over the fucking moon about. We're gonna be doing some new things. We are going to get that paid option here up and running for you guys, because money is tight. Very, very big opportunities, if you like, spending money. We are going to get that off here shortly when the girls get back, because, again, I can't do anything by myself, as I found out the hard way, but I love y'all have a good week.
Speaker 2:God bless. Floss your teeth. They're gross, they're really gross. Wear your retainers as well. All right, love you guys, hey.